Man, these tags from the episode are really boring. No wonder they cover them up with promos. Anyway, last week in the tag, Nicole complained on the phone to a friend that, when they were in Morocco, they couldn't wear tank tops, and could only eat bread.
Previously on Real World: During the Casting Special, Bunim and Murray told the cast that if they were fired from their job, they were off the show. Quarrel decided that she wouldn't be fired from her job, and vowed to do better. Lori met a really terrible jam band at CBGB's and auditioned for the position of their vocalist. She got the job.
As with last week, before the credits, the screen goes black, and the following appears in white text: "This season of The Real World was shot in New York City earlier this year. We have chosen to show the remaining episodes unaltered as a testament to the longstanding history and spirit of this great city."
Lori rehearses with her new band. There's a lot of "jamming" going on (and I put it in quotation marks, because to call it jamming without the quotes would be a discredit to bands like the Allman Brothers, who actually can...you know, jam.). There's not much singing. In an interview, Lori says that she's just "wailing with this band," and we see rehearsal footage of Lori singing with no words. I think it's pretty much the same song we heard at their last rehearsal. That's the sign of a bad jam band; all of their songs sound exactly the same. Rachel and Lori's friend Mike sit and listen to the rehearsal. In an interview, Rachel says that Lori's band doesn't have any songs, and that they don't have any music, so "they just kind of jam." That's what I'm saying. In an interview, Lori says that the band is very disorganized, and she's starting to realize that they're not "out there to make it." The bloom, she is off the rose.
Well, this episode has significant Lori time, so you know that food and eating must also be involved. Lori and Rachel talk in the kitchen. Lori says that she can't afford just to spend time jamming as she empties the dishwasher. Rachel and Lori agree that Lori is not a jammer. Is it wrong that I immediately think of about ten sexual jokes when I hear that statement? You too? Okay, good. Lori says that she's a recording artist. Rachel says that you have to record a lot of stuff to be a recording artist. Ooh, burn. Lori counters that she's made two CDs, and a song with Dave. "Dave." That name sounds familiar.
Because it's the triumphant return of Sars's brother, Mr. Stupidhead! I hope he's more sober this time, and won't deliver any pontification to the effect that people don't understand him and his music. Just kidding, Mr. Stupidhead. I kid because I love. Anyway, Dave walks into the apartment and is greeted by Lori. In an interview, Lori explains that she's been friends with Dave for about five years, and that they met in high school. Now, they are trying to collaborate musically. Lori listens to some of Dave's music on her headphones as Lori voice-overs that Dave is "an electronic experimental composer," which makes him sound a bit like Ross. I've never heard his stuff, but Sars assures me that he's better than Ross, and at least he doesn't talk about his "sound." Malik asks Dave about the recording studio in his house. Dave says that they do the vocals in the hallway, and that it's "such a ridiculous setup." Rachel asks when they are going to Dave's studio, to insure that she has time to eat. See what I mean with the eating and the food?
Rachel tells us that they are going to Dave's house so that she and Malik can hear what Dave and Lori have been working on. In the studio/apartment, Dave plays the song. It's really good. I mean, it sounds really professional for something recorded in someone's apartment. It's kind of jazzy, and Lori sounds a little bit more Sade than her usual Christina Aguilera/Mariah Carey stuff. Rachel and Malik really like it. In an interview, Rachel says that it's hard to believe that Lori's big voice comes from her little body. Malik asks Lori whether anyone else is singing backup, and Lori says that it's just her. In an interview, Malik says that Lori has a very powerful sound, and that he's impressed with the strength of her voice. They all bop along to the music.
Quarrel and Nicole sit on opposite ends of the couch. Either they sit there a lot, or this is just more footage from the scene in which they discussed what slackers they were. The always-subtle background music says, "I don't want to work for anyone." Quarrel asks Nicole whether she will be able to keep her job. Nicole protests that she's doing the work. Quarrel says that the bosses don't think she's working, which is what counts. Quarrel says that she's not going to be fired, and that she prides herself on being professional, so she'll find out exactly what she needs to do at work to do a better job. In an interview, Quarrel vows, "The more they give me, the more I'm going to do." Less talk, more action! Let's see all the working!
The roommates arrive at work on a rainy day. Rachel is looking at a website about vegetarians, which I find hard to believe is related to the work at hand. Adam walks in wearing his ubiquitous turtleneck sweater (tan this week), followed closely by Devin, who is not wearing a turtleneck, thank God. Devin tells them that there is an in-store at HMV in Harlem for a band called 112. He gives Quarrel the first shot at working it, and Nicole volunteers to go with her. Nicole's biggest concern is whether they'll have a chance to go home and change first.
It's still rainy and windy. Some dude's umbrella blows inside out, and it sucks to be him, but it was funny to watch. Nicole and Quarrel arrive at the in-store and meet up with Tom, from Arista. Tom gives them the rundown on how it's going to work. Man, I have done a ton of these in-stores, and they are not fun. Well, it depends on the band. Bands who were recently signed are generally just psyched that anyone wants to hear their music. Then there are the prima donnas. I'm not going to name names, but email me if you want to know. Anyway, this appears to be a very well-run and well-planned in-store. Quarrel and Nicole are assigned to be on the line, informing everyone of the rules of the signing, and finding out how people heard about the event. They do their job well, but also have fun with it. 112 come out and perform on a makeshift stage, and Quarrel and Nicole watch from the sidelines. Their work complete, they head home. In the van, they agree that it was fun. Quarrel says she thinks that they did a good job. Nicole jokes, "You can think you did a good job. I did an excellent job. And I know that." Why couldn't these two be this fun earlier in the season?
At work, Adam and Devin -- who are now both wearing turtleneck sweaters -- say that they have a surprise for the roommates. The roommates follow the bosses out of their office and are escorted into L.A. Reid's office. In case you didn't know, the Hip Non-Squiggly Font tells us that Reid is the President of Arista Records. Or, as Quarrel puts it, "he's the man at Arista." In an interview, Kevin says that Usher was in the office, too, and Kevin knew that it was the big time. After introductions are made, Kevin thanks Reid for the opportunity. Reid apologizes for the crummy building, and says that the roommates have better offices than the people who really work at Arista. Kevin offers to trade offices, since clearly Reid's office is really nice, and Reid quickly shoots back, "Well, you have better offices than they do," indicating the Turtleneck Twins. The roommates all laugh and laugh, and the Turtleneck Twins secretly plot to kill them all. In an interview, Lori says that it's great to be a singer working for a record company, but that nothing in their jobs ever involves her singing. Wow. Because it's all about you, Lori. Reid invites them to stop down anytime, which you know totally means, "Never come in here again, and I'm just doing this so that MTV will continue to show Arista videos." Everyone exits the office. The Turtleneck Twins are all, "Thanks, L.A." At the staff meeting, they will be reprimanded for calling him by his first name, I'm sure.
In an interview, Lori says that Quarrel suggested that she meet with L.A. Reid about her singing. Wow, that's a terrible idea. I can't really think of a worse idea. Besides going on this show in the first place, that is. Nicole asks what Lori's plan is. Lori doesn't have one. Quarrel suggests that Lori call him. Nicole suggests making an appointment "the legitimate way." Quarrel disagrees. In an interview, Lori says that she thinks that she'll give Reid the song that she made on CD. Nicole asks whether she's going to just walk in and hand it to him. Lori wonders whether she needs to make an appointment to give it to him. Quarrel and Nicole thinks that's a dumb idea, and Nicole predicts that Lori will "mess [her] chance up." In an interview, Lori says that she doesn't know the best way to break into the music industry, because if she did, she would have done it already. The music sings, "What to do? What to do?" Here's what I would do: I'd make sure I had a copy of my CD, and then I would lurk in areas where Reid is likely to be -- the hallway outside his office, the vending machines or break room near his office, the copier, whatever. When he came out, I would smile and say hello, and then say, "Oh, I meant to give you this the other day," and hand him the CD (which would look very professional and include a booklet with my bio and other background information). But I wouldn't do this until the end of my time working there, because otherwise it could backfire on my bosses or my own job.
Mary-Ellis Bunim: God, this is so boring. Why did we give these people jobs?
Jonathan Murray: Well, because remember in London how they just sat around and played pool all the time? We thought a job would force them to interact.
Bunim: Does it have to be such a boring job, though? Couldn't we have gotten them jobs as...prostitutes or something?
Murray: I thought that's what they are basically doing already. Ha ha ha!
Bunim: I don't find that funny, dear. Now, rub my feet.
Murray: Yes, sir.
Devin (brown turtleneck) comes to collect the roommates and take them to a recording session with a new Arista artist named Lennon. They arrive at the studio and introductions are made. Everyone settles in. In an interview, Mike tells us how excited he is to witness this process. The recording engineer says something about "cans," and I think he's referring to Lennon's breasts, but then I remember that episode of Newsradio where James Caan followed Bill around to learn more about the radio industry for a movie role, and Bill told him that, in the industry, people refer to headphones as "cans." Newsradio was a really educational show. In an interview, Mike is amazed that Lennon is smoking a cigarette while singing her song. Lennon starts singing, and she kind of sounds like a heavier Alanis Morrisette. In an interview, Lori explains that she doesn't think much of Lennon's music, because there are no harmonies in her songs. Lori also doesn't think Lennon sings that high, which Lori finds encouraging, because it means that you don't have to sing high to make it. Please. Anything that encourages up-and-coming singers to stay away from the dolphin-sounding, only-dog-hearing, eardrum-injury-causing noises that Mariah Carey popularized is okay by me. Lennon finishes her song and bids the roommates goodbye.
Back at the apartment, Lori is (guess what?) looking for something to eat, and talking to her friend Katie. Lori has a lot more friends than anyone else in the house. Or maybe her friends just live closer to her. Lori complains about how hungry she is, and Katie reminds her that they still have "that beef log." I thought Katie was kidding, but Lori totally starts slicing up a beef log like you would get from Hickory Farms at Christmas, along with assorted cheeses and those little strawberry candies. Lori tells Katie about Lennon: she's only nineteen, and she writes her own songs. Lori opines that there is nobody out there her age that's writing her own music. Well, nobody famous. I'm sure there are plenty of unsigned teenage female artists writing their own songs, but that's not what the labels are looking for right now, so they remain unsigned. In a confessional, Lori says that the fact that she doesn't write her own songs or lyrics weighs on her heavily. Lori eats some beef stick and tells Katie that she could sing what Lennon sings, even though she couldn't write the songs. Katie just nods. Lori demonstrates how a singer is supposed to be confident, but Lori doesn't feel that she has anything to brag about yet. In an interview, Lori worries that the only reason she's been considered talented all her life is because she's been "in a small pond." Now, Lori points out, she's "in a big pond," and she's "a very small fish." See, just when I think Lori's getting a big head and starting to get annoying, she says something like that to show that she really does know how incredibly difficult it is to make it as a musician.
In keeping with the Lori theme, a montage of various foodstuffs available on the streets of New York City follows. Pretzels, hot dogs, fresh fruit. Lori, Mike, and Rachel explore the Arista building, specifically looking for the recording studio. Once there, they meet Nicky, a music editor, who doesn't throw them out or tell them to get lost. I wonder whether that's because of the cameras, hmm? Also, Nicky looks like he could have played a band member in the recent VH-1 movie about Def Leppard. In an interview, Lori tells us that Nicky is writing a song and looking for a vocalist. Nicky plays the song for them, and Mike says that he likes it. Lori asks whether Nicky is looking for a known person or any artist. Nicky says that Arista has an open policy, and is always looking for people. Lori volunteers to sing, and Rachel backs her up, saying that she's really good. Nicky agrees to listen to Lori's tape, but you know he's thinking that she's totally going to suck.
The roommates mill around outside the Arista building. I really hope that this was all filmed on the same day, because Adam is wearing yet another turtleneck sweater (black). In an interview, Malik explains that they are supposed to be working as a street team. The roommates go to an HMV store to promote an in-store with Koffee Brown that night. Quarrel and Nicole stand outside and yell to people about the event. Mike, Kevin, and Malik stand inside and look at some chick in a magazine. Lori and Rachel stand inside and complain that they don't know what they are supposed to be doing. I'll allow that it's possible the Turtleneck Twins gave them less-than-clear instructions, but Quarrel and Nicole don't seem to have a problem figuring it out. Quarrel and Nicole hand out flyers. The boys go outside and don't do much promoting at all. In an interview, Malik explains that everyone was tired, hungry, and cold. Rachel stands there, clutching a bunch of flyers. Rachel voice-overs that she felt dumb standing there. They're flyers! You hand them out! How hard is that to figure out? Quarrel cracks me up by yelling, "It's not tea black! It's Koffee Brown!" Rachel heads back inside. Malik also sneaks back inside. Meanwhile, Quarrel is promoting her little heart out.
The Turtleneck Twins (gray and brown) have a meeting with the roommates, and say that they need the roommates to be more proactive and start coming to their bosses with ideas. In an interview, Kevin explains that they have all slacked at being a street team. Devin says that they need to get the music heard from the street level, and that they should be on the streets as much as they can be. In an interview, Malik says that he feels bad that they are not living up to the Turtleneck Twins' expectations. Devin tells them that they will be working the Koffee Brown concert that night, waving flags and otherwise promoting Arista artists. Devin tells them to be there at 5:30 to go to the concert.
It's 5:37 and Quarrel and Nicole are the only ones in the office. Quarrel takes a phone call from Devin, and then tells Nicole that Devin is pissed that no one is there. And it's now 5:42. Oh no! Will they all get fired? Will only Quarrel and Nicole be left in the house? I'm so sure that's going to happen.
Bunim: Do you think they know how empty the threat was about them getting fired from their job?
Murray: No, I'm sure that they totally believe it, and the viewers do, too. [rolls eyes]
Bunim: Don't take that tone with me. I'll have you whipped by a team of young boys and then you'll have to stand naked in the lobby of our office building while people point and laugh at you.
Murray: Is that supposed to be a punishment?
Bunim: Shut up, bitch. Go make me a turkey pot pie.
The same disclaimer from the beginning of the episode airs again.
After commercial, Quarrel hangs up with Devin again, and tells Nicole that they are leaving in five minutes. In an interview, Nicole says that she's always on time, and has no patience for others who are not. Lori arrives in the office at 5:45. Quarrel asks where everyone is. Lori explains that Kevin was still in the shower at 5:00, that Malik was just wandering around, and that Rachel refused to get up from her nap. Hee! It sounds like she's talking about a bunch of little kids. Was Mike cranky because he didn't get a cookie at snack time? Quarrel tells Lori that Devin is pissed.
At 5:50, Quarrel, Nicole, and Lori head out to the elevators to go. They run into Kevin, Mike, and Rachel coming in. Nicole asks about Malik, and Rachel says that they don't know where Malik is. Apparently, they all got on the subway, and he didn't. Hmm. What could he have been doing that she's being so evasive about? I can't imagine, but it might explain why his eyes are always so glazed over. They meet Malik out in front of the building, and get in the van to go to the concert.
Outside the venue, the roommates wave flags and signs, and yell about the artists that they are promoting. Generally, it looks like they are having a really good time and joking around, but probably also getting the job done. In an interview, Mike says that everyone is getting along, because they have to work as a team and get it done. Montage of everyone working as a team and getting it done.
Once the work is done, Kevin and Mike go to a bar and talk about how cool Quarrel was that day. In an interview, Mike says that Quarrel has done a complete turnaround. Well, when I stop calling her "Quarrel" and start calling her "Coral," then I'll believe that she's made a turnaround. Mike and Kevin agree that both Quarrel and Nicole are a lot more fun, and things are a lot better in general. I wonder how long this will last? It seems like there are a couple of fights that we saw in the season preview that haven't been broadcast yet.
Nicole and Quarrel head out to work in the snow. Nicole complains about the snow in April, and then starts singing a song about snow in April. Quarrel tells her to shut up. Nicole comments that they are going to be the first ones at work, and that they aren't the slackers anymore. They arrive at the building and head into their office, but apparently they don't have some sort of key that they need. Quarrel goes down to Devin's office. Gray turtleneck. I wish I were making this up. Devin gives Quarrel a 112 poster as a reward for her work at the in-store. In an interview, Quarrel says that it feels good to hear her boss say that she did a good job, because she didn't know that they knew how hard she worked.
Lori gives Nicky her CD, but she apparently just used some other band's CD case, because there's a giant sumo wrestler on the back. Nicky makes fun of it, and Lori says that is a picture of her from last year, and that she's she's gone on a diet program since then. In an interview, Lori says that the worst thing that could happen is that he listens to it and throws it in the garbage. Nicky promises to listen to the CD and talk to Lori on Monday.
In the apartment, Nicole tells Lori that this could be her big break, and tries to convince Lori that it's practically a done deal. Nicole thinks that Lori will be the Madonna. Lori says no. Nicole tries out, "The Britney?" Lori think there are too many people out there trying to be Britney. Lori proposes that she won't be a anyone; she'll just start a whole new thing. Nicole isn't buying that. For once, Lori isn't eating anything in this scene, and Nicole is instead. Nicole and Lori fake-bicker over whether Lori is original or not, Lori walks away and then hikes up her underwear at Nicole. It doesn't sound funny typing it out, but it was kind of funny when she did it.
On Monday, Lori goes to talk to Nicky. In an interview, Lori says that Nicky seems like the type of person who would tell her flat-out that she sucks, but that if he uses her on this track, she'll feel, at last, like she's actually making some progress. Nicky tells Lori that he thought she sounded good, and that he wants to use her voice on the track. Nicky says that Lori will come in and sing, and then Nicky will play it for the people at Arista if it's something they feel strongly about. A montage of Lori singing in the house concludes the episode.
week: Malik has never met his father's family, and he gets the opportunity to meet his paternal grandmother, among other relatives. Hee! He has the same hair as his grandmother. Mike's parents come to visit. His dad talks some smack about some group of people, but he spoke so fast that I couldn't tell what the hell he said. I hope it is captioned better week.