By Lady Lola
The day, Kathy and Rich go out looking at restaurants. She wants to make it clear to Rich that they're partners, and he's not her boss. They arrive at the space, but Kathy thinks it's more "Jersey Italian" pizzeria than she wants. She thinks her restaurant should have an upscale European feel. The place similarly flops, which Rich owes to Kathy's control freak tendencies.
Meanwhile, Teresa tells us about Juicy's vibrating cockring. I am not kidding. She makes sure to inform us that it stretches to accommodate Juicy's enormous schlong. Thanks. A bit later, Juicy's uncle prepares a pig for roasting while Teresa and her Yetis shoot guns.
A bit after that, Caroline, Albie, Christopher, and Caroline's friend Dolores arrive to a 21-gun salute. Caroline says she loves the country and had a working farm growing up. However, she doesn't like the chaos of this household. She wonders exactly how responsible these gun-toting nutbags are. Teresa emerges in a hide and fur ensemble to greet them. Caroline okays gun shooting but forbids her boys from riding four-wheelers because one of her friends in high school was decapitated in an accident. Teresa thinks Caroline should loosen the leash on her 20-something boys.
Teresa brings up her conversation with Melissa the other day. She doubts Melissa's sincerity in admitting any wrongs. Jacqueline wonders if they might both be too stubborn to make it work, but Teresa insists she's now dealing with a clean slate. She knows she did the right thing. Caroline says Italians do everything bigger -- love, laugh, fight, and make up. She's been in a similar situation with various members of 10 brothers and sisters, plus their husbands and wives. Teresa tries to get Caroline to loosen up a little by drinking, but Caroline wants to leave the option open to escape at any moment. Good thinkin', red.
That afternoon, the ladies head into town and contemplate the idea of cow tipping while the men shoot watermelons they've nailed to trees. Juicy proves quite adept at the shooting and compares himself to John Wayne. Chris jokes that no one who sees Juicy with a gun would ever date one of his sisters or cousins. Chris wonders if Juicy has given Teresa a holiday budget, but Juicy says Teresa does what she wants. In town, the ladies are also talking about shopping. Teresa promises not to go crazy like she normally would. she thinks her kids will be happy with one or two things, which I find patently absurd. Delusional much? They head into a store and find out about all the hot clubs in town, thinking maybe they can find Dolores a man that night. Meanwhile, the guys get their four-wheeler on. Christopher knows Caroline told them not to but says she has nothing to worry about because Albie "drives like a bitch."
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