Last season: Harsh words were thrown about, including "coke whore," "bitch," and "garbage." Andy Cohen himself was thrown about, which was awesome. Weaves were ripped out of their very tracks. The Manzo kids were all sorts of lovable, while Jacqueline's daughter Ashley was an entitled, violent brat. Despite financial troubles, Teresa and her bulldog of a husband Joe took their motley crew with the Manzos and Lauritas to Italy, where they promptly shopped at... Chanel? And Caroline said presciently, "You better buckle up." It was as useful advice then as it I'm sure it will be now.
Credits. Caroline's new motto is, "Life is about change, and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches." Teresa tells us, "I'm a Jersey Girl. No one can knock me down." Because she'll knock a bitch down first. Melissa, one of the new ladies, says, "I live a life that most girls only dream of." And she wears a dress from my nightmares. It's like a pageant queen and a hooker mated. Jacqueline insists, "I can hold my own. I am my own person." And the other newbie Kathy warns, "People say I'm sweet, but I'm tough, so don't cross me."
We're greeted by the familiar strains of the "Papa Loves Mambo" knock-off that has become the show's theme as Teresa and Bulldog Joe arrive at The Manor for the christening of her little brother's son, Giuseppe "Joey" Gorga. Why yes, that is an airbrushed photo of the baby in a powder blue track suit with matching hat. Teresa's Cro-Magnon brother, also named Joe, makes a toast to his son, also named Joe. It's their Big Fat Italian Christening -- they've spent so much money on ice sculptures they can't afford new names. Teresa's cousin Kathy -- New Girl #1 -- and her husband toast to another christening in a year and Cro-Magnon Joe's wife Melissa -- New Girl #2 -- promises that this is her last child. Teresa says euphemistically, "Melissa's my sister-in-law, and we're not exactly best friends. I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles."
Teresa heads over to Cro-Magnon Joe and Melissa's table to wish them congratulations. She gives Melissa a strained kiss on the cheek, and CMJ isn't having it. He tells her to "do what you do every day, just walk the fuck away." By now, anyone who knows Teresa will know that shit isn't going to fly. She can't believe her ears. CMJ puts his drink down (the male equivalent of taking your off your earrings, I imagine), and Gia instinctively comes over to pull her mom back from the fracas. It's sad when your nine-year-old daughter has to double as your bouncer. The more CMJ tells Teresa to take a walk, the more defensive she gets. Just when she's ready to call it quits, he calls her (his own sister) garbage. It. Is. On.
Teresa wonders why CMJ invited her to the christening if he doesn't want her around, and Melissa's sister Lysa chimes in that it was "a technicality." At this point, Teresa's husband, Bulldog Joe, has come into the picture, and you practically can see little droplets of foam forming at the corners of his lips. Teresa accuses Lysa of playing both sides with her and Melissa. CMJ gets so angry that he can't control these mouthy women that he pounds the table. Sadly, he does not flip it. Then again, we are at a christening, so you have to keep a certain level of decorum, I suppose. Teresa starts to walk away, but now Bulldog Joe is on the case. He lunges at CMJ, who's being held back by a friend. The crowd circles around the fracas, and the screen goes to black.
Flash back to one week earlier... Teresa visits Bulldog Joe's pizza place for her Skinny Italian book signing. She admits it's been a trying year for her and BJ, what with the bankruptcy that was "so not good." Ladies and gentlemen, the Queen of Understatement! She says she commends BJ for moving from construction to the food industry and says, even though "he's busting his ass, mama's bringin' home the bacon." And she's doing so with her New York Times bestselling book. She mentions that she's had amazing fans who've given her gifts like angels, wooden crosses and Padre Pio medallions. Padre Pio is the patron saint civil defense. Make of that what you will. She tears up as she says how she appreciates that her fans worry and care about her. Jacqueline and Caroline attend the event. Jacqueline explains that Teresa doesn't feel like she's gotten the support from her family she wants, but the Manzo-Lauritas are in the house. And they're thick as thieves! BJ delivers some pizzas and jokes that everyone will call him Doughboy now... because they don't already?
The day, the Manzo boys take their family on a tour of their new apartment in Hoboken. As satisfied as Caroline is to have done a good job as a mother and raised kids whose lives are on track, she has mixed feelings about her emptying nest. Caroline gives the update on Albie: His law school dreams didn't work out, but he's moving on with his life. Albie says he's excited to start from scratch after everything he thought defined him was taken away last year. Caroline tears up as she walks through the apartment. She's still crying in the interview as she admits she didn't imagine her kids leaving so quickly and she doesn't want to let them go, but she knows she has to.
Across the Hudson in Manhattan, Jacqueline visits her brat of a daughter Ashley at her new job at Lizzie Grubman PR. Bratshley introduces Jacqueline to Lizzie, and the first words out of Lizzie's mouth are that Bratshley doesn't come into work on a regular basis. Uffo! Bratshley hems and haws about how commuting is hard and costs money. Her solution, you'll be shocked to learn, is not to realize she's 19 damn years old and suck it up. No. She thinks she should move into the city. Blindsided, Jacqueline's all, "With whose money? Remember how I was a single mother and actually had responsibilities back in the day? Maybe you should work for that which you feel so dreadfully entitled." Except she says it a lot more nicely than I ever would because she's Jacqueline, and she's a pushover. Bratshley starts crying and runs away, proving that she is clearly not emotionally mature enough to handle living in the city.
Lizzie runs in to coddle her, which just makes her cry more. Jacqueline follows close behind. Bratshley thinks Jacqueline was talking down to her. She asks Jacqueline to leave her alone for a minute. Lizzie says Bratshley is a lot like her, minus the violence. Bratshley's all, "Well there was that one time..." Lizzie says she, too, dropped out of college, but she proved everyone wrong by using her dad's money to start a PR firm and escaping virtually consequence free from mowing down partygoers in the Hamptons. So, buck up, young thing. Don't let a little rip-and-run and absolutely no gumption get you down! You, too, can be an asshole who looks like ET and sends out the world's worst press releases! Don't dream it, be it.
Bratshley barely pulls herself together to meet Chris for lunch. Bratshley whines of going to work, "The whole process is annoying! I have to wake up early! I have to come into the office! I'm here until six!" Yeah, sweet cheeks, it's called work for a reason. Jacqueline says as much, so Bratshley lashes out at her. Jacqueline says she's tired of trying to nudge Bratshley in the right direction (read: responsibility and not being a waste of space). Chris says he did whatever it took to get to work when he was younger. Bratshley claims she's doing the same but shuts down completely when asked for specifics. Chris says in frustration, "Then keep doing what you're doing." Snipes Jacqueline, "It's working for you..." Bratshley defensively tells her to she doesn't know anything. Well, she certainly knows how to raise a weave-pulling shrew. Chris gets down to nuts and bolts. If you're late, leave earlier! Simple as that. He meets her halfway, offering to pay for her commute if she takes the job seriously. The incentive of doing so is that she'll possibly get a paying job out of the deal, then she can save until she can afford an apartment in the city. He tells her to set goals and work toward them.
At this point, Jacqueline gets testy because Bratshley is much more receptive to Chris's advice than hers, so she makes a big scene of storming out of the lunch... and now we know where Bratshley gets it from. She tells them to come get her when they're finished with "their" conversation. She walks off, and Bratshley says that everything Jacqueline has to say is negative. Also known as reality. Chris tells her that Jacqueline is right, despite her delivery. He adds that Jacqueline only wants the best for Bratshley and doesn't get the respect she deserves. Jacqueline walks alone toward the Hudson River.
The day, Teresa and Jacqueline take a walk in the park to hash out their family drama. Teresa, in a hat that exposes her forehead and reaffirms her decision to have bangs, acknowledges that people warned her things would change between her and her brother after he got married. She thinks everything used to be perfect (I'm so sure) and insists she wanted Melissa to be like a sister to her. When Melissa blew her off, she stopped trying. Jacqueline thinks Teresa should reach out to CMJ to hear his side of the story, but Teresa's dubious since CMJ has practically never said a positive word to her in her life. Lately there's been drama because CMJ hasn't shown up to a single one of Teresa's book signings because he thinks Teresa should personally invite Melissa.
Jacqueline acknowledges Teresa's had a lot going on in her life, and Teresa admits she didn't know about her family's bankruptcy until it was a done deal. She says, "I'm a pretty strong person, but I was scared shitless." She says she's being fiscally conservative. Which means no more insane parties. Boooooo! I can no longer abide by this bankruptcy if it means I will be deprived of Teresa's crazypants opulence. Teresa, as I'm sure she does about a million times a day into a Hello Kitty mirror, assures herself that she'll get through it and that "there's a light at the end of the tunnel... there has to be."
In stark contrast, now we get a proper introduction to Melissa Gorga, whose first words are, "I tend to be very spoiled. So what?" She says she's living the American dream, then crosses herself and says, "Thank you, Jesus." Yes, thank you Jesus for giving her that bangin' hot body and low enough self-esteem to be with a hideous man for his money. Melissa takes out one of her million sparkly dresses to get ready for a big event. She asks CMJ to lotion her legs, which he immediately takes as a come on. He gets all sorts of porny with her feet, then tells her he thinks he should lotion her butt cheeks because they're probably dry, too. Well if this is marriage, then sign me up! Melissa, who's been married to Joe for six years, says, "Joe is not only hot, but he is one of the best developers in Jersey."
Then we get a quick tour of their 15,000-square-foot mansion, with which CMJ surprised Melissa last Christmas. Melissa is miffed that Teresa hasn't paid sufficient compliments to her McMegamansion. Imagine not fawning all over someone else's success when you're nearly being foreclosed on. The nerve of some people! Melissa gives the back-story that Teresa was one of her bridesmaids. CMJ and Teresa were extremely close as children, and we see a picture in which Teresa looks exactly like Gia and CMJ looks less like an ape than usual. Melissa thinks the rift started forming when she helped CMJ build up his business, and their success eclipsed Teresa's. She defines her current relationship with Teresa as competitive.
Melissa dismisses their issues, saying what she does best is be a wife and a mommy. Cue naked, pregnant picture of her and her oldest, Antonia, who is now five years old. Her first son Gino is three years old, and the newest baby is Joey -- he who started all this trouble with his damn christening. Bad baby! Melissa relishes her housewife duties, saying she "was always told to be a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor, and a whore in the bedroom." We're treated to various scenes of domesticity (bath time, Joe bossing around some landscapers, Melissa cleaning up after the kids) as Melissa tells us she knew was she was getting into when she married CMJ, and she appreciates his "work ethnic." For his part, CMJ says Melissa is his hero because he loves her work ethic. As Gino offers to help Melissa clean up the playroom, CMJ tells him to come watch football because cleaning up is "for the women." Doesn't it just hurt your heart that a gem like that is off the market?
Melissa says it's going to be a crazy weekend getting ready for Joey's christening, since he's her last baby, she needs to welcome her son into God's kingdom with a bang. The doorbell rings, and Melissa welcomes in Teresa's cousin Kathy Wakile. Melissa says they're more like sisters than cousins-in-law. Kathy is her go-to, especially since her relationship with Teresa is strained. Kathy asks whether the Giudices are coming to the christening. She worries about how hard Teresa is working to keep up a facade of normalcy in the midst of all her personal turmoil. Kathy says, in Teresa's situation, she wouldn't want to leave the house.
CMJ grouses about Teresa's "new family" in Jacqueline and Caroline. Melissa says blood is family, then sits for an interview in what could only be her daughter's dance recital costume repurposed as a shirt. Seriously, we're talking a pink, satin, pinstriped vest with sequined lapels. Cringe. Melissa says that Teresa and BJ act like she and CMJ aren't even there when they go to Teresa's events, so she doesn't expect her family to be a big priority for the Giudices. So you want the privilege of being the inner circle while also treating them like crap? I see. She wonders how they're going to work through the tension. CMJ says he has no one except for Kathy's family and that his blood has done him wrong. Kathy remembers Teresa telling her one time that "Family sucks," which Kathy took personally. Still, she says, they're blood. And even though she doesn't always like Teresa, she has to love her.
Now we meet Kathy and her husband, Rich, who have been married 19 years. Rich is the typical Italian boy except one catch: He's Lebanese. This initially caused some concern for Kathy's father until Kathy assured him that Rich is Christian. After all, that's where Jesus was born, she reminds us. Kathy says Rich, who is prone to wearing horn-rimmed glasses and shirts unbutton to his chest hair, is a kooky guy that people either love or hate. Rich tells us that his heart is sizzling for Kathy... "sizzzzzling."
Accompanied by zany music, Kathy rides her bike to the grocery store to pick up clams for her dinner with Rich. She thinks cooking is important because you're "touching someone on an intimate level," which is like feeding their soul. She makes small talk with the produce guy at the store about how many women are uncomfortable with vegetables, though her point seems to be lost on him -- as it is on me, I must admit. Who are these women who are afraid of vegetables? I need examples.
Kathy heads home to her 16-year-old daughter Victoria, who is a fan of the Glamour Shot, and Joseph (another one), who's 14 and has a penchant for knives. As 14-year-old boys do. Kathy squawks, "Why can't you collect stamps?" Victoria and Joseph have typical sibling rivalry, but they always come together at the end of the day. "That's what family's all about," says Kathy.
Manzo manse. Caroline assures us Sunday dinner as family will never end even though the boys are moving away. Tonight they're preparing a Southern feast, which doesn't come quite as easily as Italian fare. Chris steps in to help Lauren make a cobbler, though Caroline micromanages the whole process. Chris wonders if Southern people face the same issues when they try to make pasta, to which Albie basically replies, "You're an idiot for thinking Italians are the only ones who know how to make pasta." But Caroline takes Chris's side, saying that your average Arkansan probably opens a bottle of Ragu and calls it a day. The one exception she'll allow is Paula Deen. Known for her pastas, is that Paula.
Then we get a tutorial on Chris's obsession with Southern culture and his ridiculous attempt to cultivate a Cajun accent. Reminded of these quirks, Albie wonders aloud whether moving in his brother is a wise decision after all. Caroline humors her youngest son, saying Albie is more serious like his father whereas Chris has a spirit of whimsy like she does. To wit, Chris tells us he sometimes calls Caroline in the Cajun voice and leaves messages to the effect of "(Gibberish)... still alive... (gibberish)." Caroline takes Chris's nonsense as a good occasion to warn Albie that he needs to keep his younger brother in line. Albie all but says the task is impossible. Because Chris is a crazy moron. Chris mumbles something in his Cajun voice, which Caroline easily translates to, "We're going to move to Hoboken, and he's going to watch me." Albie shakes his head as they high five.
Bonus footage: Caroline doesn't think a Southern kitchen smells as homey as an Italian kitchen. Tell that to the biscuit maker, woman. Chris counters that Southern people are better at everything. From his lips to God's ears (says the recapper from Alabama), though Caroline and Lauren agree that people from the Northeast have bullshit locked down. Says Lauren, "You can't bullshit a bullshitter." Chimes in Chris, "Gandhi said that."
The day, it's time for the christening over at Melissa's house. As Jesus would do, the whole family is getting decked out in their purple finery and glugging champagne like there's no tomorrow. Melissa warns the family not to drink too much because they have to go to church before the party. She promises them they can drink afterward "and celebrate my little baby boy with Jesus." She crosses herself, takes a swig, and lets out a satisfied "Ahhhh." Melissa tells her sisters that 150 people are coming to the party, and they exchange catty looks at the news that Teresa is coming. "That should be... interesting," says Lysa. Melissa interviews that her sisters are her best friends and that Teresa doesn't know how to be a sister because she didn't have any. Like the cat that ate the canary, Melissa warns the ladies to behave.
Back at the Giudice compound, it's a madhouse as Teresa scrambles around to get everyone ready for the christening. This includes forcing a bawling four-year-old (Milania) to get her hair did and catching baby Audriana as she tries to throw herself down the stairs. Hell, I've only had to look at Joe shirtless for a few seconds, and I'm considering doing the same. Teresa rants to Milania that Melissa hired her hair stylist for the day, so if she's late to the church then it's Melissa's fault. Way to teach those kids accountability! While Teresa's hair lady finishes up on Melissa and her sisters Chez Gorga, Teresa's stylist Daniel fans the flames by suggesting that maybe Melissa is purposely holding up the hair lady to sabotage Teresa. Meanwhile, Gia heads off to a gymnastics meet that she can't miss or else she'll be kicked of her team. Before she leaves, though, she begs Joe to put on a shirt. I knew I liked Gia.
Back at the Gorgas, Melissa and CMJ swaddle little Joey in a baby wifebeater before outfitting him like the Pillsbury Doughboy at a Renaissance fair for his big day.
The hair stylist finally arrives at Teresa's house and immediately gets a reaming for not telling her other clients she had to leave to service Teresa. Meanwhile, Joe is puttering around in the basement, nowhere near ready. He suggests Teresa go to the christening without him and pick him up before the party. And the answer to this big mystery I'm sure you've been contemplating is that Joe won't go to the church because he has explosive diarrhea. As Melissa would say, "Thank you, Jesus!" for filling me in. Teresa admits her stomach has been rumbling, too. She says when she and her man gets the runs, "it ain't no joke." Also thanks to Bravo and the Giudice family. I really hope someone's cataloging this footage for Gia's wedding.
As Melissa and CMJ head to the church, talk turns to Teresa's ailing father. We learn that CMJ holds a grudge against BJ for dominating their father Giacinto's time. The Gorgas show up for church, and Melissa looks like she's headed to work the boardwalk in AC. I guess the standards for christening outfits are different in Franklin Lakes. As the ceremony begins, Teresa's still getting her children together. She finally leaves the house, without Joe and Audriana, and makes it to the church just after the christening. She makes a big scene of arriving as the pictures are being taken, but the gesture is lost on Melissa, who snarks, "That bitch'll never miss a party -- especially when someone else is paying for it." Teresa notes the chilly reception from her brother and sister-in-law when she congratulates them. Melissa also takes issue with the fact that Gia and BJ didn't show up. "In my house, family comes first," she says, adding, "I don't know what goes on in that house."
And now on to the infamous Manor. In addition to the aforementioned powder blue track suit, they also have an Anne Geddes-style portrait of little Joey dressed up as a football. Anne Guidos? We pan around the room to see all the glorious excess as Melissa says they spared no expense for Joey's christening. She handpicked the white-and-blue cross cake, as did she design the cross ice sculpture and the leafless trees with tiny crosses dangling from the branches. Melissa states cattily, "Teresa thinks that she throws better parties than me, but she does not throw better parties than me." She calls her a faker and laughs uproariously.
The Giudices arrive. Teresa takes in the scene and notes smugly that her christening had 200 people. The Joes eye each other warily as Teresa admits that her husband doesn't really like going to these family events but does it for her. The first olive branch is snapped when CMJ offers BJ a shot, and BJ declines. CMJ calls BJ an asshole and a "fucking midget," and Melissa takes his rebuff as a personal affront. Because what would Jesus do? Shots!
Meanwhile, Lysa is sipping on her drink and lapping this shit up. She says again, loadedly and gleefully, "This should be interesting. Everybody in one room." Teresa gives us a little back-story that she called Lysa a few months ago to explain the friction between herself and Melissa. According to Teresa, Lysa agreed that Melissa can be "a cold bitch."
Teresa runs into Kathy, who immediately notices that Teresa is edgy. Teresa explains that Kathy was like a big sister to her until a couple of years ago because Rich gave her a hard time about her overspending. Despite the fact that he was 100% right (my opinion), Teresa took offense that Kathy never told him to back off.
Manzo manse. The Lauritas and Lauren's boyfriend Vito arrive. Caroline uses Jacqueline's eight-year-old son as an excuse to moan about how her boys are moving out of the house. She says all she has left is Lauren until Vito makes a move. "And when is that going to happen?" Vito pleads the fifth but does admit that he sees a glow when he looks at Lauren. In fact, the day before, he posted a picture of Lauren smiling and Tweeted, "This is the reason I get up and go to work every day." Chris snarks that it was really because Lauren was annoying the shit out of Vito, so he wanted to escape. The ladies tactfully ignore that dig and get onto the wedding porn. Lauren says she wants a huge wedding on the Amalfi Coast. Caroline jokes, "I didn't know we had a room called the Amalfi Coast at The Brownstone." Laughs Lauren, "I guess we'll have to paint a mural."
Back at The Manor, Rich and Kathy are talking to the Gorgas. Rich brings up one sore subject after another, from Teresa's dad to Teresa herself. CMJ says he ignores Teresa the way she ignores him at parties. CMJ says he'll put up with a lot from Teresa, but he won't put up with her excluding his family from events. He doesn't approve of BJ's behavior and thinks he's a drunken layabout who's poisoning his father's opinion of him. He will not, however, ignore his goddaughter Gia, who has arrived from her gymnastics competition. CMJ says the ball is in Teresa's court because he's tired of being hurt.
Manzo manse. Caroline asks if Chris will pay for Bratshley's wedding. Chris quips, "Absolutely. As many people as McDonald's can fit, I got it covered." Frankly, that's better than she deserves. Jacqueline gives everyone the update on Bratshley's tantrum the other day. Caroline is firmly on Jacqueline's side. Jacqueline interviews that it hurts when Bratshley doesn't listen to her and considers her an annoyance. She points out the Chris is going to have to commute from Hoboken to the Brownstone, so he announces that he is no longer working at the Brownstone after this week. He and Albert discussed it and decided he needed to explore the world and discover his passion. Caroline says she's proud of both her boys for making this decision.
The dancing and merrymaking continue at The Manor, but Teresa feels the hurt when she tries to dance with her brother, and he gives her the cold shoulder. When she gets hold of baby Joey for a special dance with BJ, Melissa thinks it's all for show. She sends one of her minions over to take back the baby from Teresa and BJ.
The Manzo-Lauritas discuss the dynamic of the Giudice-Gorgas back at their dinner. It baffles all of them, and Jacqueline says Teresa felt like Melissa pulled away once she married CMJ. "There's definitely some kind of triangle going on there," she says. Caroline thinks they each don't understand their place in the family and that it's a case of Teresa and Melissa being so similar that they don't get along.
Dinner is served at The Manor. CMJ goes off that Teresa "grabbed" little Joey for a dance. Melissa recalls at Audriana's christening how Melissa was holding the baby, and Teresa ripped Audriana from Melissa's hands. And look! It's another Joey, this time it's Melissa's brother-in-law. CMJ -- emboldened by many shots, no doubt -- tells Melissa he does want her to react when Teresa steps out of line. Lysa thinks Melissa should be the bigger person. "You know what, Joe," says Joey, "we're classy!" Then he brings up how BJ owes him money. Elegance! Like the town gossip, Rich tells us that the Joes were friends all through their childhood. He thinks their falling out has to do with things that Teresa has been whispering in her husband's ear.
And then just as CMJ is giving full permission for Teresa to shit on his wife ("Oh, thanks!" says Melissa), just not his kids, Teresa approaches, and we're back to where we started. Teresa leans in for the awkward kiss, and CMJ tells Teresa to take a walk. Gia jumps in, and Teresa is two steps from walking away when CMJ calls her garbage. CMJ pounds the table, and BJ joins the fracas. Both sides feel they were aggressed, and CMJ drops F-bombs like there's no tomorrow. Amidst the epic melee, one of the family decides to push down the camera, just as CMJ yells, "I'll fuckin' kill every one of yous!" A lone cross hangs from a branch, wobbling from the sound waves assaulting it.
Kathy corrals a crying Gia and Audriana and gets them out of the room. Back at the main event, some random extra guy starts going bananas, probably just amped on 'roids and happy that there's a chance to punch someone. Melissa pins it all on BJ. She adds, "This crowd is not the kind of crowd you want to get into a fight with." Finally some guy, who had enough sense not to sign the waiver and so has a blurred face, reminds everyone that they're at a damn christening, so sit the fuck down. BJ's sister Maria tries to calm down CMJ, but he keeps hurling insults about how BJ is a piece of shit who ruined his relationship with his father. Melissa reiterates that BJ planted the seed in Teresa's father's head that CMJ isn't around enough because he works too much. "Well, we have bills to pay," snaps Melissa, "and we pay our bills."
BJ is still wondering from the sidelines what just went down when Teresa decides to check on her father, he of the double-bypass. Somewhere in between the second or third time CMJ declares of the Giudice family, "They are shit," they decide to leave -- though BJ is threatening to crack CMJ's skull the entire way over the wailing protestations of Gia. Teresa attends to her father as Joey #4 calms down CMJ by taking him to the bar. Greeeeeat idea. Melissa is still in shock that things turned to such a shambles.
Down in the kitchen, CMJ complains that he's endured 10 years of abuse since Teresa married BJ. He mourns the day when he thought he and BJ were cousins and says the pain his father doesn't know is that the Giudices have brought so much negativity into his father's mind. He runs off to find his father and rant about how BJ is garbage. At which point Giacinto Gorga is probably translating the idiom for "Pot, kettle" from Italian. They speak in the native tongue as CMJ tries to convince his father they have the same character. He interviews that his father is his hero, and it breaks his heart to see him being influenced by another man.
Teresa and BJ finally leave, with BJ still spewing threats the whole way. Back inside, CMJ calls his mother cold, and Giacinto responds harshly, "Out of 100 mothers, you have only one. Never forget that." CMJ tells him not to forget that he is his son. Giacinto screams, "And I'm proud of you!" When CMJ continues to throw a fit, Giacinto changes his tune, telling him to cry to his mother, saying "You only think about yourself." So CMJ roars at his father some more. Which, I understand the passionate Italian temperament, but if you're concerned with your father's heart, stop screaming in his face like a homicidal maniac. As everyone departs the shitshow party, Kathy sages, "We can't go back and change what happened. All we can do is move forward and see how we're going to fix it. A broken family is awful. War has lots of casualties." Says Rich, "Welcome to Jersey."
This season: Melissa is a singer in the vein of Jo De La Rosa, including but not limited to outfits that Teresa dismisses as ones she would have worn when she was 17. Everyone goes for an island getaway in which the men dress up as Village People, Caroline dresses up as an extra from Rock of Ages, and Kathy makes it rain (in the hip-hop sense). CMJ dresses up like Snooki, and I am blinded. Kathy questions the designation of BJ as "Juicy Joe" -- "He's a little dried up if you ask me." Christmas comes to Jersey, and Melissa brings the drama. Lauren feels like the left out Manzo. Bratshley reunites with her father. Kathy faces a cancer scare. And, in the blood war between the Giudices and the Gorgas, it's every man for himself.