Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 28 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Bea's In The Trap
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 01.14.2014
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Carrying on the same night as last week's trip into the past, Luke and Olivia find their mother in the kitchen with Collins in the middle of the night. All set to freak out about that, they find the ante upped considerably next morning when a gardener digs up a knife in their yard and takes Mom in for questioning. Luke goes ape on them, and gets carted off too -- meeting a crazy man in jail who threatens his life and eyes in a momentary possession.
Remy spends the night drawing everything she can remember from her 1917 flashback -- including that very knife -- but when she wakes up, the entire house is covered in more and more insane scribblings about the Curse and whatever. When her dad springs Luke out of the clink, they pass out in the living room: And wake up to a terrifying scene, as sleepwalking Remy tries to stab Luke's eyes to death and ends up slicing up her dad instead. So it's off to the sleep clinic with her! (Although Olivia's and Beatrice's stories this week are contenders, I have to award Remy's dream stuff the inaugural Women Running From Houses Award for being the most Goth As Fuck. It's brilliant.)
Olivia gets very OCD after the police ransack her house, cleaning up a storm and eventually getting so thrown by an unnerving meeting with the ever-conciliatory Collins that she runs for the Vault and coffee with Tess. That night, she's accosted by that kid Springer (the old groundskeeper, Tess's ex, and the guy who slurpee'd her at that parade) who tries to explain several interesting things, such as: Dillon's demonic or otherwise compromised lifestyle, Mayor Matheson's dangerous provocations about the Curse, something he did to Springer's dad, and that Springer is the one who buried the knife (or possibly killed him?). Olivia is in no mood, and runs out into the street just long enough to get Springer run over by Tess, and therefore silenced for now.
Caleb's father shows up, having inherited a house in Ravenswood from old dead chess-playing Henry Rivers, and after some Hanna-related chats Caleb goes nuclear on him so he'll leave and be safe from the Curse. After a talk with Miranda about being dead and family stuff, he decides to help his father flip the house so they can at least be together for a little while -- and also to get him out of town faster. It's pretty sweet.
Running off that same conversation, Miranda puts together the identity of the Heat Miser that follows The Grunwald around: It's her sister Beatrice, who died in 1947 as part of the Curse, and is the most intense and wonderful person I have ever run across in my lifetime -- besides The Grunwald, of course -- and whom more digging reveals is actually her Teen Mom, not her older sister at all. Which explains why Beatrice is okay being trapped in a hair-jar and hanging out with The Grunwald all day. Miranda pushes hard enough for answers about the Curse that eventually Bea presents her with her own new hair-jar, ordering her to fuck off and leave the grounds and the rest of the Dead Teens Society: Seems whatever the Five are doing to break this Curse could end up with everything way worse for everybody.
Serious question: Do you think Uncle Dracula is actually the father of the Matheson Twins? Not once has that occurred to me until tonight and now I'm like obsessed with it. Not least because my dumb brain is like, "So wouldn't that make Miranda their second cousin or their grandfather or something?" (I am not good at that math at all, unless the people are British aristocracy and the fate of the estate is in question and then I am a whiz at it. So pretend this is Downton Abbey, it would make them... Cousins. Done. That was easy.)
Next Week: Remy gets up to all kinds of Dream Warriors shit in her sleep clinic, but luckily with the aid of a recently freed Miranda Collins, I think. Olivia investigates the vague screamings of Springer and turns up some new clues, hopefully involving Dillon's adventures with The Grindr. And speaking of people we haven't seen in a while, Caleb goes to that teacher Ben Price for some Ravenswood history, which mostly likely will be rich with horrors but ultimately won't tell us anything we didn't already know, i.e., after the Big Flood there was a Curse and some Wars and this one time a slavering Preacherman exploded into ravens and nobody even thought it was that big a deal because exploding into ravens was just the custom in those days. Either way, can't wait.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
Five Teens. War Curse. Hair Jar. Heat Miser Glowing Ghost Guardian. Sleepwalker Time Travel. A Preacher Guy Exploding into Ravens. What else? Mean Drunk Teen Groundskeeper Springer, who hates the Matheson Twins and dated Tess for a while, got fired and that's how come Caleb randomly has a home and a job and a Jeep. Uncle Collins is possibly putting it to the Twins' mom, Emmett Cullen-style, and the whole town thinks she killed her husband except her kids, who think Collins did it. Olivia's boyfriend Dillon has great hair, an adorable and freaky demonic sidekick, and owes his allegiance to, I believe, the Preacher mentioned above.
Previous to the whole show, Caleb was an orphan, but one of those special kind where he had a mom and dad. Mom lives in a castle in California, Dad was framed for stealing a churchbell. Now he lives in the woods.
MATHESON
Luke: "Why is everybody in the kitchen in the middle of the night? I mean, I was fighting scarecrows from time-travel dreams, but that can't be your excuse."
Mom: "I was just having midnight coffee with Mr. Collins here. We had business..."
Luke: "-- Uh, tomorrow morning business? Like um, all business?"
Mom: "No like clearly I am very drunk. Don't come at me all crazy."
Olivia: "Why is everybody in the kitchen in the middle of the night? I was losing my virginity to a hottie with the hair of a blonde god while a little girl watched and ate ice cream from Hell, but that can't..."
Luke: "Screw this. We're gonna debrief and go to bed. Uncle Collins, go home. Now."
UPSTAIRS
Olivia: "...Wait, so the scarecrow was real?"
Luke: "Yeah, he was mad because Remy was dreaming so hard."
Olivia: "And then the man exploded into ravens?"
Luke: "But only after he handed off the Pact to somebody in a coach belonging to Mr. Collins's ancestor's funeral home. Or possibly Mr. Collins, if he is a vampire in reality and was alive back then."
Olivia: "So the Pact belongs in some way to the guy who wants to be our new daddy? No. Fuck that. I didn't chill with our dead dad's dead girlfriend's skinless ghost just so we could end up with a stepfather trying to turn us all into Miranda. That chick's more of a downer than you are."
BEAUMONT
Dad: "Go to bed, Remy. Stop being studious and/or terrified of going to sleep."