Three's A Crowd

S02E19

Justin and Ethan sittin' in a futon. Justin has to say this cheesy line: "You know you make love like you play your violin?" He jams you under his chin and then rubs you back and forth while staring at his hand? Oh, God. Then Ethan starts saying that Justin is like an instrument. The skin flute. "First I tune you," he says. Run, Justin. "And then I stroke you with my bow. And then I make beautiful sounds pour out of you." And then I don my beret and write another spoken-word piece about the injustices of the garbage disposal system my mom recently had installed in the main kitchen. Justin gives a big, happy sigh. Then Justin remembers his boyfriend and his rent-free bitchin' loft and announces he has to go. He pulls on his pants. Ethan watches, and asks Justin if he has big plans for tonight. Justin says he's got a date with a copier, since he's making fliers for that Rage comic nobody cares about. How is it possible that Justin's gotten even skinnier over the past two years? He's turning into a seven-year-old. Ethan suggests that they work together, one fiddling while the other peddles. Justin already did the peddling thing. His boyfriend had to start paying his tuition so he'd stop. Ethan tells Justin that it might be nice to wake up together some morning and watch the sunrise instead of Justin always leaving at night. Nice try, Ethan. But do you have poppers? That's Justin's favorite breakfast. Justin leaves without a response.

Straight guys like bowling. So Debbie's out with her straight boyfriend and his straight friends as they bowl like straight men. One straight guy's girlfriend coos and kisses him when he gets a strike. Horvath asks Debbie why he didn't get "one of those" when he got a strike. Debbie says she doesn't know, and asks the girl why she didn't give Horvath one of those when he got a strike. Y'all, I almost laughed. Horvath pulls Debbie in and tries to kiss her, but Debbie pushes him away and nervously says it's her turn to bowl. Maybe she did turn gay over the past ten years, just like everybody had been warning. The guy in the lane is an Emmett lookalike. Debbie, of course, has to tell him he's got nice balls. As Debbie celebrates her strike, the other straight guys start prancing around, making fun of the gay couple in the lane. Because, as we have learned by now, all straight people hate gays. Why would anyone even move to Gaysburgh, anyway? Horvath is very uncomfortable as his friends all mock the people to them. Mostly he's uncomfortable because he knows Debbie's about to stick them with her P-FLAG. She says there are a lot of really great gay bowlers. That really comes from nowhere, because it's not like he was knocking the notion of a gay bowler. He asks her to name one. She says they have a gay bowling team in Pittsburgh called the Liberty Balls. We all have to laugh at that lame name. Debbie says the Liberty Balls will bowl strikes around those homophobes. I smell a good ol' fashioned bowling match! Someone call Lenny and Squiggy! Looks like they'll be needed for a comedy montage! This Friday night. "Cops against the queers," someone names it. Debbie says the Liberty Balls will kick the cops' asses. The cop promises her friends won't be anywhere near his ass. Debbie hates her boyfriend.