Previously: There seemed to be a small problem with Mercury, but it all got worked out. Brian went to Miami. Justin didn't. Mel and Lindz said, "I do."
We open with just blue lights and mostly naked, mostly wet men. Aw, yeah. Keep it coming. ["As it were." -- Wing Chun] Wet torsos. Wet chests. Flashing lights. A man who looks suspiciously like a woman. It's the Madonna "Express Yourself" video in full effect. In fact, I keep waiting for someone to shout, "Cut!" Wet. Naked. Wet. Naked. Dancing. Dancing. I imagine one guy sitting in front of the television with all of his friends, his finger poised in the air, ready to jut out as he screams, "There!" All of his friends then applaud and whoop, and the girl who's had a crush on him since the seventh grade proudly gushes, "Your cock looked amazing!" He says, "Thanks." She blushes but doesn't say another word because CockBoy is now kissing his boyfriend passionately in front of everybody and the group is so happy that their model friend finally made the transition to television. This is what my brain does while we're watching mostly naked, mostly wet men dance. The only not naked guy in the entire building is Michael, who is so unable to dance to a rhythm (or rather, dance to the quiet, since they have to mime the dance sequences to get the sound levels for their dialogue) that he has to stand on Ben's feet and dance like a six-year-old girl at a wedding reception. Ben and Michael attempt sexy talk, but Michael's way too shy to say words like "fuck," "ass," or "suck." He just starts talking about licking between things and then blushes until Ben simplifies by saying, "I say let's get out of here and fuck." You'd think that Ben would have Michael's full attention, but that's only because Brian wasn't directly in Michael's line of vision. The second he is, however, Michael's bee-lining over to Brian's side, practically pushing Justin out of the way to sniff Brian's neck, and hear all about Brian's sexcapades in Miami. Brian moans that it rained every day and he never left the hotel. Ben concludes that it must have been a rocking success. It was. "Not as good as the one a couple of years ago," Brian says to Ben. Ben takes too long to agree, and Michael puts together that Ben once attended a White Party that Brian also attended. Ben says that he was there for "research." So that's what the kids are calling it these days. Michael pulls Ben back to the dance floor, forgetting the plans they made only seconds ago.
Justin follows Brian over to the bar wearing a very knowing look. "You fucked him, didn't you?" Justin asks with a smile. Brian plays coy and innocent, but Justin's not buying it. "He's only, like, the hottest guy I've ever seen," Justin beams. Ouch. Take that, Brian. Wait. He did. Justin asks for numbers and positions. "Once...twice," Brian says. "I'm getting hard just thinking about it," Justin smiles. He asks why Brian hasn't told Michael about it. Brian says that the first rule of Gay Etiquette is never to fuck and tell. I'm so calling bullshit on that one. I bet you guys tell each other everything while you're still fucking. I know we tell everything, so I know you tell everything because everybody tells everybody everything all the time. Justin just nods. The camera pans over to Ben giving Michael the Heimlich Maneuver to a beat.
Emmett and Ted are at a fancy soiree. Ted is pointing out the who's who of the hoity-toity gay community. Ted sips his martini and lists off the attendees like he's standing on the red carpet. "The A Gays," Emmett jokes. "That's a vulgar term," Ted mumbles. "I'm a vulgar girl," Emmett smiles. I love Emmett. He's the only one who doesn't look horrible in all the blue light. Wait. I just froze TiVo on a very bad shot of Emmett swallowing. Ted says there's nothing wrong with wanting to associate with a "higher class" of people. Emmett says that there's nothing wrong with the group they associate with now. Ted says he could make significant contacts or co-chair an important event if he knew these people. He adds that he'd get good seats to the Bernadette Peters concert. Ted stops when he sees his dream guy: Garth Racine. Not to be confused with Garth Ancier, who developed my most beloved 21 Jump Street, headed both FOX and the WB, was the President of NBC (is he still?) and looks pretty much like this Racine guy, whose name just happens to be an anagram. But don't get them confused, okay? Ted says that Garth is the head of all things queer, and that you're nothing if you're not invited to one of his exclusive parties. Emmett reminds Ted that everyone here is just another "cocksucking fairy," and that he should go up to Garth and introduce himself. Ted can't do anything right, of course, so he mumbles and stammers all over Garth and just about spills his drink all over Garth's fancy friends. The group of Über-men laugh openly at Scary Ted because he looks like he's about to pull out a gun and kill Garth. They all walk away without even the slightest introduction. Defeated, Ted stands still as Emmett joins him. "Nothing like a higher class of people," Emmett says.
I don't get this. Debbie, Michael, and Vic are at the cemetery looking to find where Dumpster Boy is buried. Apparently, the cops haven't figured out who the kid is yet, but someone paid for him to be buried in a lot. There's no headstone -- just a stick with an index card taped to it. Wouldn't he be in a morgue somewhere as evidence while the police worked on this case? Until he was identified? You know how much money it is to bury someone? They wanted a hundred bucks just to deal with the body of my cat when she died. Anyway, I'll suspend my disbelief from an airplane so I can continue with this dumb subplot. Michael corrects Debbie's grammar skills and finds the stick in the mud. Vic gets profound: "So this is what it comes to. Pulled out of a dumpster, tossed in the ground." Debbie says this is terrible: "If nobody knows who you are, how are they supposed to remember you?" Michael thinks about how great Captain Astro was again. Debbie puts the flowers on the mound of dirt and whispers, "Sorry, kid."
Cut to...Michael and Brian sitting in a sauna. Michael asks Brian the kinkiest thing he ever did with a guy. Brian says it was too weird to talk about. Another man sits beside Brian and strokes himself as Brian says that, one night, he spent the night with another man. Michael brags that he and Ben did kinky things the night before. Brian flashes back to his own night with Ben, when Ben tied him to the hotel bed. Michael tells Brian that Ben tied him up. I don't hear another word Michael says because we get a close-up of the stranger stroking himself under the towel. And does it matter what Michael's saying right now, anyway? Everybody's naked and wet. Michael keeps bragging in a way that makes him very unlikable, about how great his love life is compared to Brian's. We see Brian fuck Ben. Brian and I both get up and walk off with the new, horny, naked trick.
Lindsay and Melanie have taken Emmett and Ted out for dinner as a way of saying thanks. Uh, maybe they should be taking Brian and Pickle out to dinner? Because I think all Ted did was whine. The camera keeps spinning around the table like this is an ad for beer or Carl's Jr. Emmett recognizes many of Ted's A Gays in the restaurant. He asks if there are any "A Dykes." Mel tells Emmett that he's looking at them. Because that's about how many lesbians they put on this show. "A." Ted eats with his head down, bitching that he totally doesn't care about the fancy-pants gay community anymore, and that he won't grovel and debase himself just to be in the popular crowd. Of course, at that second Garth walks up, which cues a whole mess of Ted's groveling and kowtowing. He can't even remember everyone's name to introduce them. Emmett sips loudly from his coffee, ignoring Garth. Garth invites Ted to a party of his the day, and Ted just about sucks him off right there as a thank-you. He sits down in shock.
Justin's cleaning up the diner. He brings more coffee over to Debbie. She declines, saying that she needs to sleep tonight. She hands him her tips, telling him that he carried things tonight. Justin tells Debbie that she didn't know Dumpster Boy, and that he was just one of the thousands of kids they wait on. "That's not the point, Sunshine," Debbie says. "He was one of us. Part of the community." She says she feels responsible that he's lying in an unmarked grave. She says she should find out who he was. Justin says that's what the police are for. "Those fat fucks!" she shouts. This show has way more cursing than gay sex. It should be called "Queer as Fuck." Or "Queer Ass Fuck." (I'm sure I'm not the first one to come up with the nickname.) I just think the writing would improve if they didn't use profanity to punctuate every single sentence. Even The Sopranos is like, "Whoa! Wait a fucking minute! Come up with a better insult than just 'fat fucks,' okay?" Debbie says that the cops don't give a shit about Dumpster Boy. "Nobody does," she whispers importantly. Justin tells Debbie that she should go find out herself, so she stands up and does.
Ted's bragging so smugly about his party invite that I want to stick a shoe in his face and make him lick the heel. Also, nobody's impressed. Also, also? This is the only bar in Pittsburgh without a hint of cigarette smoke. Brian tells Ted that he's been invited to these kinds of parties plenty of times, but never goes since he doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of arrogant, self-important assholes. Too much competition. Emmett sees a guy with whom he once had sex, and Ted laughs because that guy once had sex with another guy who had sex with this other guy who had sex with another guy who had sex with the guy that Emmett's currently crushing on. How is that any kind of coincidence? Brian says he had all of them. Justin asks if he had them all at once. "I tried. Scheduling conflicts," he deadpans. Ted indignantly asks who Brian hasn't fucked. Michael walks up with Ben and announces that Brian's never fucked him or Ben. Justin starts laughing and eventually everyone realizes that Brian and Ben had sex. Well, because Ben just comes right out and says it in front of everyone, instead of talking to Michael in private like he probably should have. Ted seems amused, and doesn't immediately draw Brian's blood for an AIDS test like I thought he would. Michael blows it off like it's nothing, saying that it makes sense that Brian would have fucked Ben. What do they expect him to do? Cry in front of everybody?
Debbie's at the police station in the middle of the night. For a cop she thinks sucks, he sure puts in twenty-four hours in a workday. She tells him she'd like to talk to somebody, but she wishes it wasn't him. He asks her to relax. She says she doesn't have time, and she wishes he didn't, either. She tells him he's not even trying to solve Dumpster Boy's case. He says he has, and that they've turned up nothing. "The name's Debbie," she says to him, and he goes, "Debbie?" in that voice the WB guy uses when he says, "Dawson's Creek" or "Smallville." Debbie's in full Cagney mode now. The cop tells her that it's none of her business. She says that it is. This is all filled with horrible writing that I'm sparing you. You can send your thank-you cards to pamie@televisionwithoutpity.com.
Michael can't wait to fuck Ben because maybe there's still some of Brian's dick juice on him somewhere. Man, this show makes me gross. You know what's worse? I'm writing this while eating something called a "Fruit Chewlicious." And unfortunately, it has nothing to do with Destiny's Child. Michael tells Ben to leave his underwear on so that Hal doesn't have to get near an actual penis. Ben and Michael get naked and flop on the bed as they talk about Brian. They say his name three times, so he appears in the bed beside Ben as one of Michael's hallucinations. Luckily, Brian's not wearing any clothes either. I can't believe it. Ben's underwear is from that company "2 (x) ist," which advertises on the giant television screen on Sunset Boulevard near my apartment. I almost crash my car three times a day looking at the hot, naked boys in their underwear and here they are in a close-up on this show. It's underwear for gay men. Can you believe that target audience? More bad erection jokes from Ben and Michael until Michael lowers himself out of frame. Ben has the "blowjob" face on long before it's feasible for Michael's mouth to be near his dick.
Ted's at the gym getting spotted by a man with the dick that is large enough to blow from where I'm sitting in my living room. Ted can't stop staring at it. BigDick tells Ted to meet him over at the squats. Emmett leans in and declares, "I could definitely squat on that." The trainer is ridiculously named Rainer, and it turns out that Brian's already fucked Rainer the Trainer, which is obviously a no-brainer. Brian says that Rainer's like a German train: "He always comes in on time." Yikes. Michael shows up late, bragging about having more sex with Ben. What's with all the bragging from the losers? Michael and Brian make plans to go to Babylon tonight. Brian leaves so that Ted and Emmett can grill Michael to find out if he and Ben have broken up yet over the Brian thing. Michael's still blowing it all off. He says that Brian thinks of sex like a handshake. Emmett and Ted keep poking at Michael until he's hallucinating Ben and Brian going at it by the Soloflex. Yes, yes! Go at it by the Soloflex! Do it! "The sounds they make when they're coming," Ted says, and all of us are thrown out of the hallucination. What kind of friend would point this out? Michael starts pumping iron, and with each thrust, he imagines Ben and Brian thrusting, licking, biting, pushing, moaning, doing things that Mikey never got to do.
Justin's hand has completely healed, obviously, but he's still using his pen to draw on the computer. He's drawing a police sketch of Dumpster Boy for Debbie. She reminds Justin to put the dimple on Dumpster Boy's chin. Justin does. Jennifer is stocking the refrigerator with vegetables, wondering how they survive with the lack of food in the kitchen. Um, they eat at Debbie's diner five times a day. Who needs food when your insides are coated in Liberty Grease? Jennifer finds a bottle of poppers in the fridge and asks Justin what it is. He grabs it from her and says it's head cleaner. Jennifer makes the incredible non-Mom statement: "I didn't think you still listened to cassettes." Debbie asks Jennifer if she's going to help find out who Dumpster Boy is. Jennifer says that it's the job of the police. Debbie asks what Jennifer would want if it were her son who was dead in a dumpster. "It almost was," Jennifer says ominously, and we have to stare at Justin staring at Dumpster Boy for way too long.
Ted's arriving at his fancy-pants party, telling himself how cool he is. He can't believe his luck. He fakes a bad yawn to try to look bored. He reminds himself that he's way cool and even went to see a production of Assassins recently. Garth walks up and welcomes Ted. Ted hands Garth a bottle of wine as a gift. Garth stares at it like it's made out of aluminum foil and has the word "Jolt" across the side. Ted mentally kicks himself for not shelling out for the $65 wine. Ted is crazy here and makes faces to himself. Does he think nobody can see him? He's going to be put into a home. Garth smiles and says it's his favorite wine, which is exactly what I'd say to a crazy person who just gave me a gift and then made faces at himself as the voices in his head yelled at him. Ted snottily beams back that it's his as well. Garth introduces Ted to a psychiatrist and a gay cruise director. It sounds like the beginning of a joke, but unfortunately this never gets funny. Ted just starts babbling about his high school and Pittsburgh and accounting and the poor shrink and sailor are bored stiff, pissed that Garth left them with this loser. Man, Ted's such an ass. Why would he talk like that to people? He's creepy and so not funny. Not even endearing.
Oh, my God. Oh. My. God. Ben has the biggest thigh I've ever seen in my life. It's huge. It's the size of my cat. And my cat weighs twenty pounds. It's all big with veins the size of Crazy Straws. He's crushing tiny Mikey in his femur grip. Wow. Wow. Look at Ben in my slow-motion TiVo style. Man. Fuck the rest of this recap, y'all. That thigh is the size of my torso. Ben makes Michael look like a wee girl. The clock beside them says it's 3:30 in the afternoon. Does anybody work ever anymore? Not even Debbie. Michael starts asking Ben to spill details of sex with Brian. Ew. Not while you're naked, classy. Ben confesses that he and Brian engaged in some rope play. Michael asks if Brian's fucks are really that legendary. For some reason, Ben tells Michael that Brian can come twice without going soft. Then naked Brian's smoking in the bed, chastising Michael for asking. Michael spins Ben over and asks how he compares. Ben is as tired of this conversation as I am, and says it's like comparing "apples and cantaloupes." Michael asks if he's the cantaloupe. I think you're the kumquat, if you know what I'm sayin'. The lemon. The kiwi. The grape. Ben says that Michael is "fine." Heh. Brian's naked and behind Ben. Awesome. He upgrades it to "terrific" and "great," but Michael's already too jealous and wants to go back to the store. He stands up, and we can see that they've put too much of that oil stuff in his ass crack, or his ass is wet as he's putting on his clothes. Why do I have to see these things for my job? Is there worker's comp for burned eyeballs?
Ted's still babbling about his sad little life, and his two prisoners have completely died inside. Garth rescues them and takes Ted away. They hate him so much that they visibly shudder as he leaves. So do I, boys. Wait. Let me put it in Queer as Folk dialogue: "So do I, boys. So. Do. I."
Garth tells Ted that he went to his website and was impressed with one young boy named Rex. He'd like to get to know Rex, and he'd like Ted to make that possible. Ted's crestfallen, realizing that Garth is using him to get to hot guys. Why the hell else would you be invited, Ted? You'd never spoken to the man before, and he knew nothing about you but the card you slipped into his hand that advertised your gay porn website. If you weren't asking him to ask you for a stud, then why introduce yourself with your porn site?
Debbie's chatting with the locals, complimenting them and then asking about Dumpster Boy, using the rendering that Justin made. Nobody's seen the kid before.
Jennifer's having less luck on her side of the street, because she doesn't know anybody and doesn't know how to ask someone to take a flyer without looking like a Christian Coalition mother.
Debbie asks Jennifer how it's going. Jennifer says that she feels like the Invisible Woman. Debbie tells her that she's got to grab boys by the dick and shake it. Jennifer grabs one man's hand and shakes it. Debbie asks how his warts are doing. He tells Jennifer that the warts weren't on his hand. They appear to be on his chin. He says he does recognize Dumpster Boy as someone who went to the Liberty Spa. Debbie thanks him. Jennifer asks if that's a gym. "Not exactly," says Warts.
Okay, somehow Debbie and Jennifer can just walk into this spa and start asking men if they know Dumpster Boy. They walk in on sex acts and just wander around this mostly empty building. How do these places work? There's no doorman? No membership fees? What the hell? And why doesn't anyone seem to mind them being there? Whatever, suspend the disbelief even further. "Hey! No broads in the bathhouse!" Bad Canadian Bad Guy announces. Another guy tells Debbie and Jennifer that he does recognize the kid. He admits that he never got the kid's name. The camera shakes around as Jennifer screams that nobody ever catches a name before they fuck. Then she adds, "Sorry." We go back to this other guy. He's also a Bad Canadian Actor. Here are his lines: "I followed him to his room. We were doing it when he starts gasping. I'm thinking, 'Hey! I'm pretty good!' Turns out he's having an asthma attack. He sucked on his inhaler and was fine. But by then the magic kinda wore off. You know." Debbie asks if it was a prescription inhaler. "I think so. That's all I know." Thank you, Plot Device! Read those lines like you're mumbling them to yourself to learn them quickly, and there's the line reading he delivered. Debbie thanks him for his help. Bad Canadian Bad Guy kicks the girls out of the bathhouse.
Michael's at work in his empty, lonely store when Brian walks in. He grabs the piece of paper Michael's working on and teases him about it. Something about a superhero, blah, blah, blah. Michael's moaning and complaining about all the sex Brian gets. He asks why Brian hadn't told him. He says it was two years ago, and nobody gives a shit that he had sex with Ben. Brian says that Michael's jealous: "But, are you jealous because I did it with him or because he did it with me?" Michael calls Brian an arrogant prick. He says Brian shouldn't give a shit since everybody's slept with him. "Who hasn't?" Michael asks. "You," Brian answers. But we've already had this exchange before a million times, haven't we? Michael pouts. Brian starts to leave, but walks back and jams Michael against a wall. His hand digs into Michael's crotch and grabs his dick. Brian says he knows Michael wants to know what it's like. This starts the Worst Kiss Ever, where Michael looks like his face is jammed against glass. Brian appears to be bored with this lousy kissing. He's only kissing the right side of Michael's face, anyway. Michael gasps, pants, and tells Brian to get out. The sound of Brian's leather jacket is the loudest thing in the room. Brian leaves, saying, "I know your secret identity." PoutMan.
Ted is very upset that he's got to pimp for Garth. Nobody is listening to him moan and complain, however. Mel and Lindz are loading up the trunk of their car with gifts they're returning, debating last-minute about which ones they actually want to give back. Melanie insults a family member of Lindsay's, but that doesn't seem to bother her. Mel tells Ted that those people all use each other to get what they want from each other. That's how they work. Mel says it's Ted's call if he wants to play that game. Pointless scene and a waste of the girls.
Debbie and Vic are harassing the one and only pharmacist in all of Pittsburgh. They harass him into breaking the law by paying for a roll of Tums. He says he can't just give out information on his patients. No, he really can't. Also, he admits that there are hundreds of people with asthma, and hundreds of prescriptions for Albuterol, but somehow staring at the picture that Justin drew, he recognizes a chin dimple and can figure out which of his patients recently ordered an inhaler that he never picked up. Thanks, Magical Pharmacy Guy! You're the best! Who needs cops, anyway?
Emmett answers a door that has a wreath on the inside. This is to cover up the fact that there are no peepholes on any front door in this crap-ass set. Ben has arrived, looking for Michael. Emmett and Ted are having facials, and they haven't seen Michael at all. Ted sits up and asks, "Is there something wrong with the Beaver?" Oh, you'd like that, Ted, wouldn't you? You love swimming in other people's misery, making your own pathetic life feel like it might be worth something. Ben feels uncomfortable talking at first, but the ladies sit him down and make him dish. Ben says that Michael's a little weird about the Brian thing. Emmett and Ted say they knew it. I don't know how Ben knew nothing about this, so Ted and Emmett explain the major plot point of every episode: Michael wants Brian. Ben nods.
Police station. "Jason Kemp," Debbie announces. The cop asks how she got it. She tells him it's called "perseverance" and tells him to try it sometime. She says she found out where he lived: Vaseline Tower. Sounds like a youth hostel. ["Ha! That's the nickname of an apartment building in Toronto's gay neighbourhood, so named because it's round and taller than anything around." -- Wing Chun] She says it's where young, gay kids go when they first move to Pittsburgh. ["Or Toronto." -- Wing Chun] The cop thanks Debbie for the lead. He tells her she could be a detective. "Supposed to be your job," she says self-righteously. Now, Deb, be a dear and make me some fucking scrambled eggs and toast, will ya? Get off your soapbox and pour some coffee.
Blah, blah, fancy party. The boys who hate Ted pretend to love him now because they want some hot dick, too. Ted suddenly doesn't like all of the attention. Garth walks up and thanks Ted for getting him Rex. Garth moves out of the way so we can see Rex wave at us. Humina-humina-humina, people. Rex is the hottest guy in Queer as Folk history. He looks inhumanly pretty. Like a tiny Rob Lowe/Demi Moore porcelain doll. Wait! Bring him back! More Rex! Garth tells Ted to come and join them and tells the bartender he's picking up Ted's tab. Ted stares at himself in the mirror for a long time as the extras around him keep changing with every camera angle. Ted apparently misses the Ted who was just a hopeless, clumsy, awkward, desperate, masturbation-addicted, porn king creepy man. He doesn't like the hopeless, clumsy, awkward, desperate, masturbation-addicted, porn king creepy pimp man he's become. After a very, very long time watching Ted "think," we see him get up and leave.
Ben's studying in a pretty chair on a cheap set. His front door has shitty, fake locks and no peephole. It also opens on the wrong side, I think. Michael enters, but doesn't lock the door behind him. They exchange "hey"s. Michael says he didn't know that anybody wrote in longhand anymore. Ben says that a computer is fine for some things, but that when he wants the words to just "flow," he prefers using a pen and paper. Michael's all, "That's so beautiful," like he's tripping balls. He just said the word "flow," Mike. Michael tells Ben he wishes he could be that eloquent, especially now, when he wants to apologize for taking off. He asks if he can get a drink. He stalls by getting a beer and then walking around the set to the other side of the stage. He says he knows Ben doesn't like dwelling on the past, but sometimes the past won't let you move on. He says that he's always had some lingering feelings about Brian. Ben asks what kind of feelings. "Friendship feelings," Michael says. "Love feelings." Ben just wants to know if Michael's had "sexual feelings" for Brian. Fuck love. Do you want to fuck him? Michael says that nothing has happened, and nothing ever will. Ben walks over to Michael and says it bothered Michael that Ben knew Brian in a way that Michael doesn't, and that Brian knows Ben in a way that Michael does. Ben thanks Michael for telling him. "I had to," Michael says. "I love you." That's it? That's a fight? Relationships seem much easier if you're a gay man on this show. Have a problem? Just say what it is and everything's better. Want to fuck someone else? Go ahead. Want to kiss someone else? Go ahead. Want to use your friends, mistreating them and taking them for granted? Do it as many times as you like. Ben says it's okay that Michael loves Brian. He says that sometimes people love people forever. "It doesn't mean we can't love each other." Uh, wow. Can you imagine anyone saying that to you? Ben's got to have a husband somewhere. Ben and Michael kiss and hug. Michael daydreams about Brian. He looks up and sees Brian walk out through the unlocked, non-peepholed door with no bottom lock on the doorknob. Ben notices Michael's hallucination, but doesn't comment, since everyone's quiet around the crazy people on this show. They kiss again.
Vic, Justin, and Jennifer are sitting down to dinner. Debbie's too restless to sit and eat food. She says she's not hungry. Vic tells her to have some wine and celebrate. The doorbell rings as Justin and Jennifer remind Debbie that she got what she wanted and did something the police couldn't do. Debbie moans that Jason Kemp's family still hasn't been found. The cop's at the door. Debbie insults him again. He says that the apartment was empty. Nothing. He had nothing. He tells Debbie that they found his mother. She's been dead since he was a kid. Dumpster Boy went from foster home to foster home and then lived on the streets until he died. It's hard to get prescription medicine when you're homeless. Debbie is saddened to hear about Dumpster Boy's hard life. I wonder when they'll start looking for the murderer. Vic asks if he wants to come in for dinner. He doesn't. Jennifer and Justin go back in to eat. Debbie tells him that it was kind of him to come by. She asks if he'd like to come in. He says he'll keep her posted. "Do that," she says. He leaves. She stares at nothing for a long time and then shuts the door.
Michael and Ben are dancing their lack of cares even further away. Well, Ben's dancing and Michael's arms are flapping on Ben's shoulders. Brian walks up, and Ben asks if Brian wants to cut in. Brian says he's just passing through. Ben pushes Brian into Michael's arms. Well, dude, it was totally your doing. He even winked at Michael, like, "Fuck him. He can come twice in one go!" Brian asks Michael what he thinks of some kid at the bar. Michael beams that he already did him. Says he can't tell any more than that because of Gay Etiquette, which Ben already broke. They dance with their arms around each other. The camera spins above them and we see everyone trying to keep the same beat that nobody can hear.
week Debbie's old boyfriend, who's a drag queen, comes to town. Gosh, he looks like Mikey! Gus doesn't get into his special school because he has two mommies, so Brian pretends to be Gus's father. Lindsay and Brian do more mugging down. It's the "Who's Your Daddy" episode!