Rules of Engagement

S02E08

The boys walk into a bedroom (Daphne's room?) and take off their clothes. The boy tells Justin they have to be safe. Justin pulls out a condom and opens it with his teeth. He tells the boy to put it on his dick. The boy asks Justin to "go slowly" because he's a virgin. Justin figured as much. He says he'll take it easy. The boy clutches the bed as they have sex. The camera can't seem to settle anywhere, so it's just a blur of young flesh and the sound of the boy choking on his tongue.

Emmett's watching pouty television with his pouty TV tray. Michael wants Em out of the house because he's got a date, and they might want to fuck on the floor. Emmett says he won't leave any crumbs. He tells Mikey that most people lie on the internet and this date might end up being some old geezer. Mikey tells Emmett that there are still some honest people in the world. He opens the door to see Mr. Schickle. Mikey slams the door in the man's face and tells Emmett that he's right. He says his date's three hundred years old and in a red cardigan. Emmett recognizes his secret admirer and goes to answer the door.

Emmett tells Mr. Schickle that he doesn't like being stalked. Schickle says he went through a lot of trouble to find Emmett. I guess so, since he didn't know Emmett's real name. He tells Emmett that he feels horrible for insulting him. He wants to apologize and return the bracelet to him. Emmett says he doesn't accept gifts from fans. Schickle asks if Emmett will have dinner with him. He says "please" twice. He says he feels horrible for treating Emmett in such a rude and reprehensible matter. Emmett's won over, and agrees to dinner. Schickle laughs at every syllable Emmett says. Emmett sees Michael's date at the door. He's cute in that brown-hair-square-jaw way. Emmett complains that if the guy had shown up a couple of seconds ago, when he was single, it would have been better. Michael walks in. Fireworks. Attraction. Mikey invites the date inside. He enters. They decide to skip the actual date for fucking on the floor. They both announce they're negative and then get to the fucking.

Justin lights a cigarette and then lowers his sweaty naked body back down on all of the coats that belong to strangers. That's so nasty for all parties involved, really. He hands the cigarette to the boy, who asks Justin what his first time was like. Justin tells the story of fucking Brian, which we all know in greater detail than even Justin does. We saw angles he'd never get to see. Outside, some girl bangs on the door screaming that she needs her coat. "Fuck off!" Justin screams back. Nice. The naked boys laugh. Justin says he hates these stupid parties. The naked boy hates them as well. Justin says he had to come so that Daphne wouldn't hate him. The boy says that watching the "dudes" and "babes" makes him wish he stayed home to watch MTV. Where there's nothing but "dudes," "babes," "dogs," and "bitches." Justin asks why the boy doesn't go to clubs and bars to meet boys. Instead of the correct answer -- which is, "I'm seventeen" -- he tells Justin that he doesn't want to meet a lot of guys. He's looking for a boyfriend, a relationship. Run, Justin! Run! The boy launches into a full-on recital of "One Boy" from Bye, Bye, Birdie. To joke with, snort coke with. Justin says that's not how things work out. The boy tries to kiss Justin, but Justin turns away. Dejected, the boy starts to get dressed. Justin calls him over and breaks Rule #1 by kissing him. He then breaks Rule #2 by lowering him back to the bed for round two.