Previously: we learned that dreams are good. Lindsay and Melanie are getting married. Mike quit the Big Q. Justin quit art school. Mike sold his prized comic book to use the proceeds to buy a comic-book store. Ted decided to run a porn website. Brian bought Justin a fancy new drawing computer. Justin had a temper tantrum because he's never! Drawing! Again!
In a very odd dungeon-like room, the boys watch on a monitor as some scruffy cutie jerks off in separate area of the very odd dungeon-like room. Counting off, Ted says, "Internet Access, $38.00. Adult porn site membership, $29.95." Mike grins, "Watching men jerk off in the comfort of your own home? Priceless." Brian snorts, "Masturbate the possibilities." Yawn. MasterCard jokes are so last century. Mike asks what makes Ted's porn site any different from all the other ones out there. Ted gives an example from his own life experience, like say, oh, if you're surfing porn and your boss drops by, what do you do? Ted pushes a button and the screen switches to a fake spreadsheet. Okay. This is his hook? Couldn't they just alt+tab over to an existing document on their computer? He's betting his new enterprise on a bunch of people who aren't familiar with Microsoft Office? Are you kidding me? ["Lame." -- Wing Chun] Ad executive and non-cubicle dweller Brian thinks it's pretty slick. Comic-book-store owner and non-cubicle dweller Mike calls it the "ultimate in safe sex." Ted proclaims, "JerkAtWork.net! For guys who don't only work...at work." Brian could probably help you with that tagline, too. And if not, then Melanie could certainly file Ted's bankruptcy papers for him. It's good to have friends. Emmett shrugs that maybe Ted needs something "bigger," though, by which I believe he means a bigger draw, but the ambiguity sets Brian up to nod at the scruffy cutie waxing the wood: "It looks like he's doing all right to me." Ted tells "Robbie" that it's time for his ten-minute break. Robbie huffs. Robbie puffs. And Robbie blows his wad all over himself. The Boys are impressed. Brian wonders if Robbie will be able to do it again in ten minutes, though. Ted pulls out a turkey baster and squeezes fake cum into the air. It's called a jizzball, and Ted laughs, "Proving that the handjob is quicker than the eye." So, was Robbie just using it, or is he going to be using it, or what? Hmm. This scene doesn't bode at all well for the rest of the episode. Brian grabs the jizzball, sniffs it, squeezes it a couple of times, and drawls, "Leave it to you to figure out how to fake an orgasm."
Artistic split screen, showing two different urban street scenes, neither of which have anything to do with...uh, anything. My fear builds. Cut to The Comic Book Store That Dreams Bought, where Emmett and Vic are helping Mike clean up and organize. Vic asks where a comic called The Squid goes. Mike can tell him when it was published, just given the issue number. Everyone marvels at the magnitude of his geektitude. Emmett sighs, "I think they should be classified by the superhero's fashion sense. Superheroes with taste, superheroes that clash --" Vic snerks, "Let's hope they never let you near the Library of Congress." Time for Mike's Daily Grouse. He can't imagine how Buzzy ran the place! Nothing's in order, nothing's catalogued! I'm kind of relieved that they're mentioning this, as are a lot of posters in the forums, I think. There's been a lot of complaints on how the comics were being handled: no cardboard backs, exposing the comics to sunlight, tacking them straight to the wall. I get shivers just thinking about it. Debbie walks in with food and drinks and comments on how dirty the place is, too. Mike is now complaining that he doesn't know what he was thinking even buying the place! Whiny, whiny, whine boy. Debbie couldn't tell him, but she grabs his cheeks and says, "But it's your dream, sweetheart, and that's all that matters." Too bad the drinking game was last week, huh?
