Life Without Mikey

S01E12

Scruffy introduces himself as Beau. Ted fake whispers, "That's French for 'beautiful.'" Emmett knows. Beau reminds me of this guy I went out with once -- and he was really hot, too. Beau asks Emmett out. Ted laughs, "As if you need to ask!" Emmett says he'd love to, and Ted nods, "As if he'd say no!" But Emmett can't. Both Beau and Ted's faces fall. Emmett thanks Beau for asking. Beau shrugs, disappointed, "Maybe some other time?" Emmett doesn't respond to that, and Beau wanders off. Ted shrieks, "Are you out of your mind?? Guys like us do not turn down guys like him! It's a flagrant violation of the entire gay social structure. They're going to vote you out of the brotherhood." Yeah, the GM / SGWC is even thinking of holding a blackball ceremony of our own. Emmett's crazy. Emmett reminds Ted of his promise to God never to have sex with another man if he tested negative. Dude, I think God will understand! Either that, or I'm going straight to hell. Oh, nuts. Emmett says it doesn't matter what Ted says, "I never want to go through the hell I went through again. And I won't, because someone kept his part of the bargain. Now it's my turn to keep mine."

The Happy Fun House. Melanie's back from work, and Lindsay meets her at the door. The baby's making cranky noises upstairs, and Lindsay tells Melanie to keep it quiet because she just put Gus down. Melanie asks if it's too late to go up and see him, and Lindsay says that she can see him in the morning. Melanie reminds her that Gus is asleep when she leaves for work. Lindsay says that Melanie could leave later, "Or even take the afternoon off." HELLOOOO, Earth to Lindsay! Melanie replies, "The point of my working longer days is so you can stay home." Lindsay snaps that she appreciates how hard Melanie works, which is why she made that totally insensitive comment. Melanie retorts that it would be nice if she showed it, by, I don't know, maybe not making insensitive comments like that. Lindsay says that she thought she was showing her appreciation. Um, when was that, exactly? Lindsay points out that she works too, "taking care of our son?" Catfight! Catfight! Melanie replies, throwing her jacket down on the chair, "Your son and Brian's. I just pay the bills." Oooooh. Don't mess with Mel; her claws are painted jungle red! Lindsay asks if they really have to go through this again, and Melanie shrugs that they can continue to pretend that everything's fine. Lindsay doesn't want to pretend, she just doesn't want to talk about it all the time. Melanie pours herself a drink and replies, "Well, I'm Jewish. And after neo-nazis, there's nothing the Jews fear more than silence." Sure, all right. Lindsay says that she doesn't feel the need to express every little thing she feels. Melanie wishes she'd try "because after that fiasco at Brian's, you've turned off to me physically, emotionally. . ." Oh, please, Melanie's been complaining since way, way, way before Mike's party. St. L. raises her voice to point out that Melanie "turns every little slight into a rejection." Melanie skips over that bit of truth to repeat that Lindsay doesn't want to have sex or talk about what's going on. Lindsay pulls the "I'm a tired new mother!" routine. Melanie snaps, "Well, I'm tired, too! I'm tired of trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong. Of wondering why, instead of feeling closer than we've ever been, I've never felt more alone." See, that's bad. That's something that should really be discussed, and resolved, you know? Lindsay picks up the laundry basket and walks out of the room. Or, you know, not. Melanie asks if she's going to say anything, and Lindsay coughs and asks sweetly, "What would you like for dinner? I can heat up some pot roast."