Y'all are Tripping

S01E10

The Happy Fun House. David sits at the dining-room table, as Melanie walks in with a bottle of wine and calls the trip to New York "an original excuse to cancel at the last minute." That's sure to make David feel better. Lindsay, bringing candles to the table, says it's probably a good idea that Mike went along, "just to make sure that Brian doesn't get distracted." David says that he'll leave, if they want, but Lindsay tells him that just the three of them is fine. Do they even know David that well? I find it hard to believe that Mike willingly set this up. David thanks them, saying, "This is not what I had planned." Melanie drawls, "And we all know who to thank for things not working out as planned." Because, you know, Mike doesn't have his own brain or anything. Perhaps that's why David loves him. Lindsay asks Melanie to check on dinner, trying to get her off the subject. Melanie asks Dr. Dave what type of wine he wants, and then tells Lindsay to use the.... "I know," Lindsay finishes, "the wine goblets your Aunt Esther gave to us." David, marveling at their communication, says that they're amazing. Smiling, they ask in unison, "We are?" David is impressed by how they talk and think together. Lindsay explains, "Well, that's what happens after six years; you --" Melanie finishes, "-- become one." David wistfully says, "I'd like that for Michael and me." Lindsay optimistically tells him that it'll happen, Melanie adding that the two of them "are a perfect fit." Oh, they are so not. And weren't you just telling David a few weeks ago that Mike would never get over Brian? David replies that he's not as sure: "I might have pushed too hard. It might be why he ran away." Oh, ya think? Still, it must be big fun for Michael to go see all these couples day after day, and be reminded of all the things you and he are not. St. L. replies that Mike will be back. Melanie adds, "Let me tell you, after a night with Ted, Emmett, and Brian, you'll be looking damn good." The three clink glasses, as if they really believe that crap.

Meanwhile, by the side of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, The Boys gaze in despair at a very flat tire. Emmett, wearing a jacket made out of blue shag rug, intones that Mysterious Marilyn was right. Mike grouses, "So, now what do we do?" like each and every one of them doesn't have a cell phone in their pocket. Emmett says that he can change the tire, and they all laugh at him. But he's serious: "I know that you all just think of me as this Nelly retail queen. But it just so happens that I make it my business to know anything there is to know about lug nuts." Snicker. Ted nods, "Of course." Emmett wrangles Ted into helping him. Brian gestures to Mike to come a little farther away from T&E, and pulls out a joint. "I only have one," Brian tells Mike, "for you and me." After they each take a hit, Brian nods, in his best surfer-dude imitation, "So, here we are: Brian and Mikey's Excellent Adventure." Mike says that it certainly wasn't the way he planned to spend his evening -- he was supposed to have dinner with David at the Happy Fun House. Brian sighs, "Aww, dinner parties! Couples! Christ, Mikey, is this the life I raised you to live? What happened to your sense of fun and your thirst for adventure?" Please. The only thing he gets to do around you is watch. Mike laughs, "I'm here with you, aren't I?" Yeah, Brian, what are you complaining about? That's the life you raised him to live. Brian muses, "Yeah, that's what I'm going to miss the most -- times like this when it's just you and me. But now you have the Doc." Smiling and holding out the joint, Brian smirks, "So, how big is his dick, anyway?" Mike says that he'll never tell. Brian, drawing Mike close, then asks, "So, when he comes, does he run to the shower, or does he still hold you, all wet and sticky?" Mike answers, "He holds me. All wet and sticky." Brian sighs, "I guess he does love you." Mike shrugs, "I don't know. I guess." Brian thanks Mike for coming with him, and Mike says that they've always been there for each other. Brian replies, "You more than me." Mike says that's not true, but Brian says it is: "I know I can be shitty to you, sometimes. I know that. But it's only because I know that you'll always love me, no matter what." Mike nods, "I do." As Emmett finishes changing the tire in the background, Brian smiles, "I do, too. I always will. I don't know how I could have made it without you." He and Mike kiss, like, with tongues and everything.