Babylon Boomerang

First of all, I'd like to give a shout-out to my GayRef, Terry, who just moved to the "Motherland" a few days ago. Lock up your boyfriends, San Francisco, TJ's in town. You've been warned.

This Week's Host: Eric Stoltz. It's like having an old friend drop by unexpectedly. Hi, Eric! I missed him. Where has he been? ["He's currently in The House of Mirth with Gillian 'Scully' Anderson." -- Wing Chun] Looks pretty yummy, too. Only problem: The people who write the intro are definitely not the ones that wrote the show; Eric refers to Studs and Suds as a "drag contest," which it wasn't. Have to give him credit though; in describing "The War over Michael," he manages to ask, "Who comes out on top?" with a straight face. Cracked my shit up!

So, it's the end of Michael's shift at the Big Q, and Mike's cleaning out his locker. He greets his co-worker Andrew, who's bought a bunch of stuffed animals for his kid's birthday. Andrew's grateful that the store gives employees such a great discount, and Mike snorts, yeah, otherwise Andrew could go broke. Andrew continues that it's why he wants "that job" -- their boss, Bob Barbarosa, is getting bumped up to State District Manager, and he gets to choose his replacement for store manager. Andrew's put his name into the ring. Michael wishes him luck, and leaves. Huh. I thought Michael was already the store manager. I guess he's a shift leader or something. Anyway, Mike's walking out of the back when Tracy -- a.k.a. "SOL" -- pops up in front of him, nearly giving me a heart attack. She's still cheerful as all hell, and tells Michael that he's totally qualified for the manager job, and he should go for it. Could she be touching him more? Poor SOL. At end of her little pep talk, she crows, "If you want to get ahead, you have to do a little ass-kissing, like Andrew. And something tells me you can kiss ass with the best of them!" Right. Secretly, she knows. How could she not know?

Babylon! The Boys plus Justin exit the club. Emmett's wearing an extravagant blue '70s leather jacket and pants ensemble, but everything's a little too small on him, like he mugged a midget pimp on the way over. Justin's fronting for the older guys, laughing about his father's plans to send him to military school. He and Brian are being awfully touchy-feely with each other through this whole scene. Emmett says that he always wanted to go to military school, for the uniforms. Ted adds the benefits of "taking orders. Getting punished when you're naughty," prompting Emmett to bend over and lisp, "Yes, sir. Sorry, Sir!" while the others playfully whack his behind. They all laugh, and then laugh even harder at Brian's rental car. Brian sighs, "And just think, I have to get another car tomorrow." Mike asks if it's going to be another "fuck-mobile," while Emmett, kissing the back of Justin's neck, smirks that Brian needs all the help he can get "in order to keep attracting those pretty young things." Brian releases Justin from Emmett's hold, and pulls Justin against him. Huh? Where is this coming from? I know they had sex last week, but that never stopped Brian from treating him like shit before. Ted lectures that maybe Brian should get something more practical than the Jeep time, and Mike adds, "You don't want any more weirdos ramming into you." Emmett snorts: "Never heard him complain about that before." And you probably never will again, either. Emmett, Ted, and Mike leave Brian and Justin kissing at the car. Justin goes around to other side of the car to get in. All of a sudden, Craig "Mad Dad" Taylor taps Brian on the shoulder, calls him a "fucking pervert," sucker-punches him, and then starts kicking him in the chest. Justin screams at his father to stop, and pulls Craig off Brian. Drama! The Boys, alerted by Justin's cries, run back and pick Brian up off the street, and then have to restrain him from ripping out Craig's throat. Mad Dad throws down an ultimatum: Justin comes home with him now, or he doesn't come home ever again. Brian throws the Boys off of him, cursing. Justin, shocked, pauses for a second before choosing "never again." Crying, he screams, "Never again!" a couple more times before Brian gently tells him to knock it off. Justin wanders off, in a daze, to the opposite side of the alley.

Later, at the Liberty Diner, Justin excitedly describes the scene to Debbie, exaggerating a little bit. Instead of just pulling his dad off Brian, he's now guilty of hitting his dad a couple of times. Emmett rolls his eyes and says, "Don't forget how you single-handedly fought off those attack dogs." Ted adds, "Or how you foiled the assassination attempt by that Iranian death squad." Well, you know, give him a minute. Debbie -- wearing a t-shirt that has a picture of rooster on it, with the word "cock" written underneath -- tells them not to make fun, because "this poor child has been traumatized!" Why? He's seen you dressed worse. Oh, you mean by his father. Debbie wags her finger at Brian, reminding him that she told him there would be trouble. Justin rushes to Brian's defense, saying that it wasn't Brian's fault, and that Justin is not a child: "I'm going to be eighteen soon. That means I can vote, and join the army, and get married." Emmett sighs, "Hopefully not in the same day." Good grief, hopefully not at all, except for the voting, maybe, and even that's an iffy proposition these days. Debbie replies that Justin's parents still think of him as a little boy: "They're not ready to think of you sucking cock or taking it up the ass." Uh, neither am I, actually. As usual, Brian decides that's enough talk about someone else and whines about his poor bruised ribs. Mikey nods in sympathy. Brian snarls that he should have Craig arrested, but Debbie insists that he leave it alone. As she tries to finish busing their table, she stumbles. Mike asks whether she's okay, and she says that she's just tired; she's been working since six in the morning. Lifting the bus tray, she takes one step and collapses. Everyone at the booth rushes to her side. As Mikey picks her head up off the ground her red hair falls off, and amidst all the screaming and yelling and calling for ambulances and general mortification, my only thought is, "Oh, thank GOD that's a wig!" Debbie's conscious, and completely embarrassed, and insists on finishing her shift. Mike insists on taking her to the hospital instead. Debbie cries, pitifully trying to put her wig back on.

At the Taylor Manse, Craig is soooooooo busted. Craig tries to defend himself. You know the drill -- he did what he HAD to do. Jenny cries that that he knew how close they were to losing Justin altogether. Craig tries again -- hey, he told Justin to come home and he wouldn't! Jennifer loudly points out that Craig was behaving like a psycho at the time? Yeah, Justin prefers his psychos MUCH better looking. Craig tries yet again -- he just wanted to protect Justin. Jennifer yells that Craig's the one from whom Justin needs to be protected. Obviously, Craig Taylor doesn't make a living as a lawyer. Fed up with all this logic, Craig screams back that he gave Justin a choice, and he made it, and that's that. That's pretty much the straw that breaks the camel's back; Craig's sleeping on the couch tonight. Craig shrieks that he's not going to be humiliated by "a bunch of..." Jenny finishes for him, "Fags? I've got news for you, Big Man. You already have been." DIVORCE!

At Debbie's house, Ted and Emmett sit on the couch with Debbie, encouraging her to eat something. She's not wearing her wig and she does look older and more tired, but I think I like her better that way. She tells them that they all need to stop making such a fuss about her and go home, since all of them, including herself, have to go to work the morning. Mike tells her that she's not going to work, she's going to rest. Justin nods, "Bed rest is an important part of every recovery." He's pretty cute for a Public Service Announcement. Ted drawls, "Thank you, Doogie Howser." Uncle Vic stomps out to the porch, and Mike follows him. Vic wails that Debbie's working so hard in order to pay off his bills and take care of him. Mike says that Debbie wants Vic to be there. Vic reveals that Debbie's not only working double shifts, but has also taken out a second mortgage on the house. Mike's really upset that he wasn't told, but Debbie made Vic promise he wouldn't.

Brian's loft. Brian's checking himself out in the mirror, whining that he's lucky he still has his teeth, but thank God he doesn't have a black eye. He asks Justin how he looks. Justin, all moon-eyed, tells Brian he looks great. "You always look great," he adds. Sigh. Doesn't he? Don't get too close, though; I hear he stings. Justin apologizes for his dad, but Brian waves him off. Following Brian into the kitchen, Justin says that he didn't mean to cause Brian any problems. Brian pulls a beer out of the fridge and looks at Justin blankly. Justin all of a sudden jumps back and says that he's leaving. Brian rolls his eyes and asks where, exactly, Justin is going to go. Justin says that he'll find some place; he doesn't want to be in Brian's way. Brian sighs, and says that Justin can sleep there. Justin eagerly walks with Brian back toward Brian's bed, but Brian pulls him back to the couch. Justin sits down on the couch all dejected, and I actually felt really bad for him. Poor puppy. When Brian returns with a blanket, he can see that Justin is very, very sad. Brian asks him whether he's crying, but Justin retorts, "I'm not some little faggot." Brian says that's true, and that he thought Justin was pretty brave tonight when he stood up to his father. Justin explains, "He was hurting you." Brian sighs, tells him to get some sleep, and goes back over to his own bed. Justin looks like he's going to break into about a million pieces. The saying's true: "Freedom isn't Free." To the sound of Madonna's "Tell Me," Justin strips down to his underwear, watching Brian do the same and climb into bed. Once he's sure that Brian's settled, Justin creeps up to the bed and climbs in, trying not to disturb Brian. Brian rolls over and sees him; every pore in Justin's being begs Brian to not send him back to the couch alone. Brian smiles softly, pulls the blankets up under Justin's chin, and rolls back over. Eventually, Justin closes his own eyes and goes to sleep. Suck, man. Poor Justin.