By Della Femina
If you watched episode two of Queer as Folk and thought that there was no way the makers could have topped that intro -- with all the boys checking out other guys' arses to the strains of Air's "Sexy Boy" -- you would immediately realise how wrong you were when you laid eyes on Alexander at the beginning of episode three. Alexander, a friend whom Vince and Phil (with baby Alfred in tow) are meeting at the airport, almost defies description. As Vince told Phil, "Alexander's a bit camp, but nice. Mind you, saying he's a bit camp is like saying Hitler's a bit naughty." Indeed.
Alexander comes mincing toward Vince and Phil, dressed in an aubergine-coloured suit. To borrow from the classic shite film Drop Dead Fred, it makes him look like a big bruise. He's got another friend (Dane), with him, as well as a Japanese guy with a piercing under his lower lip. "Perfect boyfriend," Alexander tells them as the boy, Lee, smiles. "Shags like a rabbit, can't understand a word I'm saying." Between the northern accent and the high-pitched squeal of a voice, I'm having a hard time understanding what Alexander is saying, too. Vince is disappointed that Alexander's brought a boyfriend back from his trip to Japan, as he was going to try to set him up with Phil, who has an air of desperate indifference about the whole thing. Vince is dropping everyone off at Stuart's place, while on the phone with the man himself. Stuart tells Vince to get rid of the three guests, forgetting completely that he's the one who actually invited them to stay at his flat in the first place. He pleads with Vince to let them stay in his (one bedroom) flat. Wow. Stuart trying to pass his responsibilities onto Vince? I would totally not believe that, if it weren't for the fact that it happens about, oh, thirty times per episode.
Meanwhile, Nathan's mother (Janice) is talking to her son, who's sprawled out on the couch and staring vacantly at the television. He ignores her, but jumps up as soon as she leaves the house, dialling a number and telling the person on the other end, "This is Stuart Jones." We see Nathan and Donna in the back of a black cab, while Nathan tells her about Stuart's account at the cab company and how he told Nathan to use it any time he wanted. Of course he did, Nate, right after he asked you to marry him and y'all did a duet on the classic Atlantic Starr hit, "Always." Donna, bless her heart, says, "He must really love you." She then asks him how much he's put on Stuart's cab account, and Nathan gestures toward the meter. "Like it says, 17.40." Donna looks astonished and says, "You what? I thought that was the time!"