Sandro's gone, but everyone's still talking about him. I realize it was dramatic and all that, but he's last week's news. Let's move on, people.
Everyone assembles at the runway so Heidi can completely fail to explain the challenge. Instead, she's sending them to meet Tim and a special guest in the meatpacking district, where all will be revealed. Thanks for nothing, Heidi!
The meatpacking district! Tim introduces everyone to the Corporate Marketing Director for a particular kind of car. I decline to tell you what car, because the car company's not paying me. The designers will be working in teams of three this time out. Ken, Alexandria and Sue are a team, and Ken is unhappy about this. Sue asks him if he'll be the chauffeur, which I take to be a reference to his race. Classy! The team is Kate, Jeremy and Karen. That seems fine. Justin, Dom and Helen are , and that leaves Alexander, Justin and Miranda.
Each team will create "a luxurious, high-end mini-collection that is three looks." Each designer does one look. If the designers want, they can use these cars as inspiration. Or don't; nobody cares. The recommended material budget is $1500, and there's a whole thing about reimbursement because everybody has separate accounts. Each of the cars has three places programmed into the navigation system, and the teams will select two of them to be the source of their materials.
Because it's yet another Unconventional Materials Challenge. Am I crazy for thinking it would be nice to see what these designers can make out of regular fabric? Well, that's not happening this time, because they get to choose two of the following three places: a vintage wallpaper store, a specialty food store and "a combination home goods and party store." Wait, "vintage wallpaper"? Come on, that's not a thing, is it? And they have one day.
Okay, let's talk strategy. Obviously the wallpaper store and the home goods store both have plenty of things that could be used as textiles, right? But that means that everyone's going to go for them. If you want to stand out, I saw you go to the food store and try to weave a dress out of apple peels or something.
Now there's a segment where people pretend to take inspiration from their cars. Bradon wants to go all-white. There's a lady giving sign language for Justin; I hadn't noticed her there in days. Okay, everybody go! Drive your cars! There's a lot of talk about how Ken is screwed by working with Sue and Alexandria. Ken is one of the people that says this.
Jeremy, Karen and Kate go to the home goods store. There are shower curtains in it! And placemats! Karen claims that they're going to create "a futuristic Great Gatsby, if you will." I think I will not, if it's all the same to you.
Dom, Justin and Helen are at the vintage wallpaper place. They're looking for a deep red, but it's all kind of faded on account of being vintage. They spend $261 on wallpaper. Ken, Alexandria and Sue get to the home goods store at the same time as Alexander, Bradon and Miranda. Shower curtains are grabbed. Sue explains that they want black and metallic materials and it looks like they're mostly getting the same stuff as the last group. Ken, Sue and Alexandria are arguing with each other at the cash register, which is probably a bad sign. Their order comes to $1337.74. Alexander, Bradon and Miranda work together much better and are happy to find a white woven blind.
Dom, Justin and Helen get to the specialty foods store. Their plan is to get some dried foods to imitate beading, so they load up on cranberries. Alexander, Bradon and Miranda have trouble finding anything at the wallpaper store that matches their "white and clean" theme, because wallpaper tends to have patterns on it. They settle on a few, then worry about whether they'll be able to convince Nina that silver counts as a color.
Ken has been dragged to the wallpaper store by Sue and Alexandria, and he's already checked out emotionally. His arms are folded and he doesn't like anything anyone's doing. Sue's mad that he makes them stay within budget.
Back to the workroom! Tim says they have until midnight, then leaves. Ken, Alexandria and Sue start off with Ken complaining that their initial sketches don't have any cohesion, and also that he doesn't want all their collars to be identical. Then he starts in on Sue about how she can't make patterns or use sewing machines. While he complains about his partners in the sewing room, Sue complains about him in the workroom. Alexandria does her best to stay focused on the work, which strikes me as a good plan. So what if Ken just called her a "borderline grandma?" That doesn't even mean anything! Ken comes back out and tells his team that he hates this one red wallpaper swatch.
Bradon tells us that it's important to transform the materials into something else. He's right! His teammate Miranda, however, is just taking wallpaper and quilting it, which is probably not enough of a transformation. Ken tells Sue to stop brainstorming and start sewing. He's being a jerk, but he's not entirely wrong. Sue complains to Miranda that Ken (or "The Diva," as she calls him) isn't letting her do a long draped dress. Out in the workroom, Ken asks Sue (she's teleported out from the sewing room, I guess) how old their woman is. She shrugs, "thirty-five to forty," and he sneers that he doesn't design clothing for forty-year-old women. He's going to be a real delight if he survives long enough for the challenge where they have to do clothes for the designers' parents.
Jeremy asserts that he's making a drop-dead gorgeous cocktail dress out of placemats. Kate plans to pleat some trash bags into another cocktail dress, because she doesn't think there's time for a gown. Dom tells Justin and Helen that they should go big, because the other teams are going safe. Good plan!
The usual sewing montage ensues, and the only highlight is Ken rolling his eyes to the moon and back when Alexandria shows him something.
And then! Oh no! Tim comes in and he's got Sandro with him. Get lost, Sandro. Nobody wants to hear your apologies or to get closure or anything. Turn around and get off my television screen. Blah blah blah hug hug hug and he eventually leaves. Good.
Tim now begins his check-in. First up, Alexander, Bradon and Miranda! They've been working some raffia window blinds into some really neat shapes, and Tim is delighted. Jeremy sneers that it's costume-y. But Tim even likes Miranda's quilted wallpaper. So it's fine!
Jeremy, Karen and Kate are . Karen claims that they're going for "futuristic" and "art deco," but her plan just makes Tim think "quilt." He reminds them that they're supposed to make their weird materials "ascend to sophistication," and their explanations get much better. He doesn't like that they're just using placemats, so Jeremy starts showing some of the other junk they bought. Kate is concerned about trying to keep her dress sleek while still using a bunch of junk for the sake of junk.
Dom, Justin and Helen. Tim is concerned that they spent only $600. They're sanguine (meaning "confident," not "consisting of or relating to blood") because they got plenty of wallpaper. And they have made dresses out of their wallpaper. Helen claims that they've used origami and abstract shapes. Ken thinks it looks like a walking trash bag. Tim tells them it looks like craft paper and can't imagine why they did this to themselves. The sign language lady looks like she feels sorry for having to relay these things to Justin.
Alexandria, Ken and Sue. Alexandria emphasizes the curves that tie the looks together. Ken radiates unhappiness. Sue is using… a curtain. A big fabric curtain. Tim says that sort of thing makes him sick. "You may as well have gone to Mood!" This material is insufficiently unconventional, in his opinion. Mine, too! He tells her, "I think you've thrown the whole challenge!" And then he follows that up by asking Sue if she's ever even seen Project Runway. Yow. He explains to her that the judges hate when people just use fabric in these challenges and that she could well go home for it.
After the commercial, Sue tries to defend herself and Tim tells her this doesn't work. Then he tears into Ken for smirking about it. Ken says he thinks that this dress is "the best thing Sue can do right now." Dom confirms in an interview that everyone kind of agrees with that. Sue interviews that she can totally sew, although she admits that she can't sew on these machines. That's going to be a problem. Tim extricates himself.
Alexandria tries to talk her team into working together. It's not clear that they're willing to do that. Then there's a brief reminder of the reimbursement angle of the purchasing and I don't care.
Dom is trying to make her wallpaper look less like fabric. I think a wallpaper dress is still kind of cheating.
Models are here. Most of them get clothes, although Alexander has only one leg of his pants done. And Sue is basically starting over. Ken hates Alexandria's look, and he checks with Kate to learn how team eliminations work. Basically, the worst person on the worst team probably goes home. She says, "My advice? If your team is sinking, you have to put your life vest on first." I like the metaphor.
Justin is having trouble with the challenge and he gets to make a video call with his parents. They miss him, he cries, they all love each other, you know the deal.
Bradon has immunity, but he's trying to lift his team. That means he's helping Miranda a lot. Jeremy is using glue to get glitter to stick on his garment, and he doesn't like it. Ken has absolutely had it with Sue, and their team doesn't have enough fabric after eliminating the curtain. They don't want to use this ugly red wallpaper, but Alexandria needs to have some sort of skirt. After his teammates take a fraction of a second too long to answer him, Ken announces that he's done talking. He announces it formally, at length, and like a huge baby. And now Alexandria is done with him. Sue interviews that she may have been "too optimistic about many aspects of this experience."
The morning! Ken has decided he doesn't care about his team as long as he has a good-looking garment himself. And he refers to himself in the third person. Draw your own conclusions. Oh, and Miranda is running behind.
Tim comes in to announce models, hair, makeup and very thoughtful use of accessory walls. And then it's on. Sue tells her model that she'll be going to hair and makeup before trying anything on. Justin's pants don't fit perfectly. Well, they're made out of wallpaper. Jeremy likes his dress a lot, although he wishes he had more stuff on the side. Ken asks Alexandria if Sue has started sewing anything. Alexandria can't answer, which means she has not. Kate is really, really understanding about the problem here, which is that Sue has her own style which works well for her but doesn't fit into a team setting. I have to say, Kate has been nothing but friendly and understanding this season. I think she turned it around, and good for her.
Ken's black dress has some white spots where it's coming apart. He goes for the black duct tape, which is all you can really do here. He's not happy about it, but what else is he going to so? The makeup speed round includes the phrases "future safari" as "modern Cleopatra eye." And then Bradon raises the stakes in the hair segment: "Like French twist with innards of the goose that produces foie gras."
Tim gives everyone a ten-minute warning. Helen is impressed with the teamwork from Jeremy, Karen and Kate. Bradon's gown still needs a strap, which is hard to get onto Raffia. Ken loves Alexander, Bradon and Miranda's collection. Justin's pants look awful. Helen thinks they look dated, but really they look like pants made out of wallpaper. You remember the big wallpaper-pants craze of 1887, don't you?
Sue is still hand-sewing her garment and Alexandria is getting anxious about it. Tim comes in to announce that it's time to go and the thing is still pinned together. Alexandria is going into the sewing room and Tim makes her come back out. No excuses! Sue tells us that she's sending her model out undressed. And indeed, Sue is pinning the clothes onto the model out in the hallway, while every other designer (in every other season) managed to clothe the model before Tim rounded them up. Tim tells Sue to get her hands off the model. Alexandria is torn, because she feels her team is the worst, but she doesn't know if Ken should go home for being impossible to work with or Sue should go home for not being able to work a sewing machine. The answer is Sue. Ken's a jerk, but at least he made a dress.
Runway time! Heidi comes out and reminds everyone (including me, because I forgot) that the looks are supposed to be luxurious. They won't be! The judges are Zac, Nine and June Ambrose. I don't know her, but she calls the designers "darlings" so I like her.
Team Alexander/Bradon/Miranda is first. Alexander's model has a big swooshy white thing around her shoulders, and the rest is shiny and metallic. Alexander thinks it represents him as a designer. Do you really want to be represented by beige wallpaper? Miranda's dress is okay. I mean, it's not luxurious, but it at least looks like a shiny sequined dress. Bradon's gown looks fantastic and it was a great decision to send it up last. The swooshy shoulder things from Alexander's look has turned into a really neat sculpted gown here. After seeing Bradon's look, I'm much happier with the other two. It's definitely a cohesive collection.
Team Dom/Justin/Helen. Justin's pants don't look as bad as I thought once they're moving down the runway. They're paired with a sleeveless top that's boring but not awful. Wait! It's backless and has red going along the edges, and it was a nice surprise. Helen calls it, "Goji berry overdose." Dom's made a dress that has big poky bits coming off the left shoulder. It's like it's been crystallized or something. And Helen has one of those skirts that are really big around the hips and pull back in to be tight around the thighs. It's weird even when done well and it's not holding its shape here. So it looks kind of like a crumpled paper bag.
Team Alexandra/Ken/Sue. Sue's model has clothes on, which is surprising. Sue whines about having compromised her design ideas. I find it fairly dull and not worth all the drama expended getting it here. Ken's dress looks like a dress. Alexandria's has an interesting collar and it's the only interesting thing about any of the looks. The skirt is apparently really noisy. The collection actually looks really cohesive, probably because they didn't have enough textile choices to change it up.
Team Jeremy/Karen/Kate. Jeremy's dress looks great. The dark glitter up the sides is really eye-catching. Karen's dress also looks great. Well, I think it does, anyway. It has kind of a 1980s cheapo sci-fi movie vibe, but I happen to love that. Kate's look is an elegant little black dress. She voice-overs that it was fun to go outside of her aesthetic a little, which is an interesting contrast to Ken, Alexandria, and Sue, all of whom complained bitterly about having to compromise their precious visions.
The winning team is the one with Jeremy, Karen and Kate. The losing team is Alexandria, Ken, and Sue. The other six designers are safe. Heidi takes a moment to tell Alexander, Bradon and Miranda that they were a close second. Okay, so that means Jeremy probably wins and Sue probably loses, right? Let's find out!
Kate again talks about going futuristic with placemats, and then points out the details that came from the foods: there are poppy seeds, black rice and coconut shavings. Zac makes her point out the details. The rice is pretending to be embroidery stitching on the back and the poppy seeds are mixed with glitter in the ombré. Everyone agrees that Jeremy was trying to make sure he didn't design for "Madame." Helen uses words like "sleek" and "geometric," and also works in a lot of references to the car. Kate points out the curves on the shoulders. June says, "Clavicles are the new cleavage." I think she's wrong about that. Zac loves the chevroning. Nina likes that they had actual references to the car and says it looks effortless. So! Good job.
Team drama. Alexandria is called on to describe their outfits, and she just lists the materials involved. She can't make up a story about how they were inspired? Heidi prods her, and Alexandria just says who designed which look. Everyone's confused. Heidi asks if there's any story, and Sue tries to improvise: "W--We were… trying to go for a, um… luxurious look for a very active woman." Alexandria mutters "modern" and "edgy," and Sue adds those.
You know on shows like this when people are forced to just make up nonsense to try to save themselves? I propose that be called "Lip-syncing for their lives." Except on RuPaul's Drag Race, obviously.
Heidi calls them on mumbling, and Alexandria repeats Sue. Zac hates everything about all three of the looks. Sue's looks like a coffee filter. Heidi doesn't like how there's no surprise. Nina thinks there's a lot of haphazard draping. "She looks like she has a band of duct tape around her." Well, she does. That would explain that. June is very generous, saying that instead of "luxury," she thought "funky" and "edgy." She suggests that they were bringing disco into the daytime. Alexandria has had enough and breaks the news to the judges that Sue can't make a pattern or sew. Sue clarifies that she sews differently. Heidi asks how she got here if she can't sew, and Sue says she doesn't know. Ken says that he and Alexandria had to pull away from their garments to help Sue. Sue tries to talk about team chemistry, but I think not knowing how to make a pattern is a bigger deal. Nina finally cuts them off and reminds everyone that Ken and Alexandria also made ugly dresses. "It's not just Sue's. It's you. And you." In her opinion, none of them look like they could really sew. Alexandria tries to blame the difficult circumstances, and Nina reminds her that every other team had the same circumstances. Ken says that Sue's model finished Sue's look for her. June claims to have thought that, but I don't think so. Ken says Sue should go home. Alexandria can't decide between Sue and Ken, because Ken is so awful to work with. He cuts her off with "I'm speaking!" which is a great way to show how great you are to work with. Sue says she can too sew in her way.
The lounge. It seems tense. Sue did not like the things they said about her, especially after they said they'd help her. Sue says, "They volunteered to help me out and…" She keeps talking, but I can't make out what she says because Ken interrupts and talks over her. He says, "Help is different from birthing a child into the world and breastfeeding them, Sue." Alexandria starts to say, "I think that, um…" but Ken cuts her off with, "I'm speaking, so I need you to be quiet." Okay. First of all, Ken's position on interruptions seems a little inconsistent, since he had no problem steamrolling Sue just them. And he was not, in fact, still speaking. He had finished his sentence and was showing no sign of continuing. In conclusion, your honor, Ken is a total jackass. He's speaking slowly, basically daring people to try to speak so he can shut them down. And if they don't speak, he'll just continue with his tantrum at Alexandria: "Because I'm furious with you right now. I would even suggest you not even to look at me. I'm just gonna sit here in silence. I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable." And then he keeps ranting at her, but I'm not going to write it all down because the attention is just what he wants.
Hey, Ken? You're an enormous jerk. Shut up. And please don't blame the editing.
Tim brings the dresses out to the judges. He tells them about how he lost it at Ken, Alexandria and Sue. Sue's model is Ji Young, and she admits that she sewed parts of the dress herself so her whole chest wouldn't be exposed. Zac finds some things to like about Alexandria's look, and Tim speaks up for her. He found Ken intimidating. Ken's look is fabric (which Tim said he couldn't do) covered with duct tape. It's also held together with duct tape. I think Tim hates Ken more than he hates Sue. The judges love Jeremy's dress up close. Tim points them to the coconut shavings on Karen's dress. Zac enthuses about Kate's fit, and Heidi praises the model's butt. In the deliberations, everyone agrees that it's between Ken and Sue. Heidi wants to judge by the garment.
Heidi says that "one or more of you" will be out. Jeremy wins and his team is obviously all in. Jeremy seems quite pleased with himself. Which is reasonable! Heidi claims that any time a team doesn't get along, it always shows in the work. No it doesn't, Heidi. You just don't hear about it because if the clothes look good, the designers have the sense to shut up about their workroom drama.
Sue is out. She's kind of crushed. I think she's talented, but this isn't the right venue for her talent. Alexandria is in. That leaves Ken standing on the runway. But he's in. He's pretty emotional when he gets to the back room and he can't even talk to people.
Sue gives Tim a big hug. In fact, she gives almost everyone a big hug. Although Ken is still sitting on the couch, wrapped in his own problems. She leaves.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.