Previously on Project Runway: Timothy was the literal worst.
Heidi starts the episode by bursting into the designers' hotel rooms while they're asleep. They're stacked in there like cordwood! Anyway, she's there to drag them all out to Coney Island. When they get to the boardwalk (at what looks like 4:00 am on a very cloudy day), Tim's there to meet them and introduce them to this week's corporate sponsor. It's frozen yogurt. I just saved you a lot of advertising copy.
Tim tells everyone to take carts of frozen yogurt and give them out to the crowds. Not only is this kind of weird, it also looks like a really cold day to do this on. When they find some tourists willing to take free frozen yogurt from a stranger (which I personally would not do, because my mother warned me about this exact situation), they need to collect adjectives from the tourists to describe the yogurt, and then choose three words to inspire their design. Remember the clothing designs? Oh, and everyone will be working in teams of two, which no one seems that thrilled about.
Alexander (orange hair with the curl on top) is teamed with Justin (deaf). Kate (castoff from last season; sick of teams) is teamed with Helen (has tattoos, is convinced everyone will be afraid of her). Jeremy (from England; has kids) is teamed with Ken (used to be homeless). Sue (taught herself fashion; is kind of a hippie) is teamed with Sandro (Russian weirdo). Bradon (used to be a dancer) is teamed with Karen (I remember absolutely nothing about her). Dom is teamed with Alexandria, and as neither of them has made much of an impact on me, I'll rush on to the Drama Pair. Miranda is teamed with Timothy. And you know how we're all pretty sick of Timothy and his half-assed "sustainability" thing that he keeps claiming to be into, even though he's on a televised competition where the prize includes a Lexus and a year's supply of bottled water? Miranda and Timothy are both from Milwaukee, which means that she already knew him. She's had plenty of time to get sick of his nonsense before the show even started, so she is not delighted to be paired with him. He's oblivious, though, because he thinks this will let them come together.
Everyone fans out to give out frozen yogurt. People say words like "creamy" and "fluffy" and it's the sort of thing you want to see if you've paid a lot of money to have your frozen yogurt in a television show. I should point out that everyone has umbrellas and there is nobody down on the beach. And these thronging crowds immediately vanish when the word-collecting is over, so I think someone must have rounded the people up for the show.
With the names collected, Tim says that each team will be making one look based on their three yogurt-related words. But apparently that's not gimmicky enough, because we're not going to Mood. Instead, everyone's going to go to Luna Park. That's the amusement park at Coney Island, and I realize that it's just as much product placement as the yogurt I refuse to name, but I happen to like Luna Park, so there. The teams will be playing games on the midway, and the prizes will be the materials they use for the challenge. That doesn't mean they'll be winning fabric; they'll actually have to use whatever crappy prizes are normally given out. This will cost them a hundred dollars, and they have thirty minutes of...whatever this is.
The designers storm into the park and start whacking moles and whatnot. Jeremy spots a giant ice cream cone and insists that he and Ken win it. Helen and Kate try to win a bunch of cheap sombreros. Sandro and Sue go for inflatable blue dolphins and aliens. It's kind of crazy. Miranda tells Timothy they work well together, and then he freaks out because there's a giant stuffed unicorn. He wins it and is promptly very annoying about it. See, he thinks he's doing a little jokey "Look what I'd be like if I were really excited about this" thing, but really he's very excited about it and that's translating into being super-annoying. Tim finally comes around and tells everybody to wrap it up.
Back to the workroom! It's more crowded than usual, since all the tables are covered with enormous stuffed pencils or whatever. Tim says the designers can make "anything you want." And then we get some of the best captions this show has ever seen. We're talking "KATE & HELEN: red sombreros, kites & a stuffed monkey" here. I mean, seriously. They get to use some regular fabric to fill out their garment, which is nice. Kate explains that the kites are there to provide boning for a corset, which could work. And then they're going to sculpt on that with sombreros, which is where it could all go wrong. And I'm not sure where the stuffed monkey comes into things, although I bet it would make a fun hat.
Sandro and Sue have "blue vinyl dolphins & a sombrero." Sandro is concerned that Sue's ideas will make it look "very drag queen." Well, I look forward to his tasteful and understated take on dolphins and a sombrero. Timothy and Miranda have "yellow vinyl balls & a vinyl whale," which doesn't mention the unicorn. I was looking forward to seeing Timothy eviscerate his stuffed unicorn! Oh well. He has a plan involving some kind of interlocking plates, and he assures Miranda that it will be simple. Alexandria and Dom have "stuffed frogs, monsters & ice cream cones" and they seem to be on the same page.
Sue and Sandro are having sewing machine drama, because Sue doesn't know how to thread a sewing machine and won't admit it and Sandro is very short with her and won't help her. The current problem, I think, is that Sue managed to set this one machine up with blue thread and Sandro is making her go use another machine, which will mean she has to set the new one up. It's not actually all that big a deal, but it goes into a commercial, so it looks more dramatic than it is.
The show briefly remembers that the design inspiration is supposed to be three words designers got from yogurt consumers. We only hear two of Timothy and Miranda's words, and they're "fruity" and "surprise." I'm just going to leave those here, and if you want to do something with them, you're welcome to.
People are generally disassembling the toys. Timothy thinks this is a great challenge for him, because he's usually dealing with trash. Helen likes Kate a lot now and feels bad for her initial impression. Alexandria and Dom are making a sweater dress that will have a monster face on it.
Back to Sandro and Sue. Sandro exists in a constant state of brusque panic, so it's not going well. When Sue tries to show him what she's thinking of doing, he just throws his hands in the air and says the whole thing is going to be a pain in the [BLEEP]. Well, with that attitude, there's no question. Kate noses over and gets Sue to admit it's not much fun.
Justin and Alexander have vinyl aliens and a vinyl whale. They're tentatively confident. Timothy is improvising as he goes, but that's probably a good idea with this weird material. He gasps in horror when Kate suggests that they cut up their unicorn. Then he does an interview where he insists that unicorns are more like hippos than horses. He wants to be clear that he doesn't like sparkly, glittery unicorns. And with that, he got even the unicorn lovers to turn against him. That was the only demographic he had left!
Sue suggests to Sandro that they could put gills on their blue vinyl dress. He thinks that's a bad idea. He's a jerk, but I'm not sure he's wrong. Miranda goes to cut some patterns, and Timothy suddenly decides to start the garment over completely. That seems like a decision he should make in consultation with his partner. When Miranda comes back into the room, she sees his entirely new sketch (on the completely non-sustainable tablet computer, incidentally) and she's pretty mad. She complains to Sandro, who recommends standing up for herself.
Tim comes into the workroom, and he's politely appalled at all the crap everywhere. There's synthetic stuffing about four inches deep on the floor, because no one had time to sweep up after cutting up their enormous stuffed toys. You know how it is. Tim starts with Ken and Jeremy, who are making blue vinyl pants and a fake fur jacket. Oh my. Alexandria and Dom claim that their monster-face thing is "Japanese street culture." Ken sneers that it looks like a fourteen-year-old would wear it, which seems like what they're going for. Except for the miniskirt. When Tim gets to Justin and Alexander, Alexander tells him that they're making something that's going to look very young. Like, "junior." Tim suggests adding something. Karen and Bradon have one of those big poofy things on the hip that you see a lot of. Tim digs it. Sue can't wait to tell Tim how well she gets along with Sandro, and then Sandro crosses out her sketch for the skirt while she's talking. Sandro takes over the conversation and starts talking about how Zac Posen hates him or something. Sue gets back to her plan for the clothing, and Sandro calls it "futuristic, like Gaga [BLEEP], and stuff like that." Normally the squabbling doesn't take place right in front of Tim.
Tim tries to get Sue and Sandro to work together, since they'll be sharing responsibility for the clothes. Then he moves on to Kate and Helen, who have done interesting things with their sombrero-bodice. Tim recommends not adding a strap, because it would take attention away from what they already have. Score! The designers have to be happy when Tim recommends doing less work.
And then Tim comes to Miranda and Timothy. Timothy goes on about this process he invented for creating a textile out of balls, and Miranda has a plan for the actual jacket and dress. Tim describes it as "very hospital-gown-y," which is not entirely wrong. It's a pale blue vinyl dress, and not the tight sexy kind. Tim's concern is how flat the vinyl is, and compares it to a craft project. Well, that's going to happen when you make clothes out of carnival toys. Tim leaves and Timothy starts pitching ideas to fix the garment. Unfortunately, Miranda's morale is in the basement and she can barely respond. In this case, I think Timothy is doing exactly the right thing. He's got lots of energy, and he's trying to get his partner to participate in the process. Miranda leaves for a bit, and we don't see how things end.
Because it's time for the models! Here they come! Timothy and Miranda's model is Sophie, who's the one that Timothy had last week. She seems to like him, which is lucky, because Nastasia (from week one) was not into Timothy's whole thing at all. She even likes him enough to give him a letter she's written him. But when Timothy shows Miranda the yellow stripe he was planning to put on the back of the skirt, she doesn't like it. And she doesn't like it in that way where she sighs heavily and forces him to drag it out of her that she thinks it looks like a landing strip. I think Timothy needs a high-energy partner to bounce off of, although I admit I'm impressed that he's putting all this work into keeping Miranda involved.
Kate and Helen are getting along really well. Sue and Sandro are not, because they are not reluctant to shout at each other. Miranda announces to the sewing room that Tim called their dress "a Disney princess in a hospital gown." And then she blames Timothy for not letting her do a pencil skirt. Look, I hate Timothy as much as the guy, but this is kind of bullshit of her to be trashing her partner at the top of her lungs to the rest of the room. And she continues when Timothy comes in. Sandro cackles and encourages her to continue, because he's a jerk. Timothy leaves.
Timothy does an interview where he is sad. Miranda says (to the sewing room, which contains pretty much everyone but Timothy) that the only reason Timothy's on the show is to make her sad. She continues about how he sucks and is no good, and now I like her even less than Timothy. Kate and Bradon tell Timothy to keep trying. Timothy walks past the sewing room, where Helen is kind of shouting at Miranda to act like an adult. Right on, Helen.
Timothy takes his unicorn and goes up some stairs. Miranda says she doesn't know where he is, and adds that she's tired of biting her tongue. It's too late to play the victim, I think. Timothy may be an annoying weirdo, but he wasn't the one trashing his partner to the competition. So Timothy is hiding somewhere with his unicorn (...sigh) and reads the card that Sophie gave him. It's very nice! She says she respects him and tells him to keep fighting and it's exactly what Timothy needed. Good job, Sophie! Timothy returns to the workroom and picks up the yellow vest he's working on. Miranda tells him she has the front worked out, so he can relax. He nods.
So they might be okay. And that's boring to watch, so let's switch over to Sue and Sandro! Sandro is kind of in tears as he bends over his sewing machine. He's despairing as he talks to Sue. She tells him that all is not lost. In her opinion, their dress is funny and they could make it work. Sandro says there's only five minutes left in the day, and then an hour tomorrow. Well, that's a valid concern. Sue at least has an idea, but Sandro runs roughshod over her. Sue says she'll just be his assistant then, and he tells her he respects that. Great. Everyone leaves the workroom, which is in a hilarious state of disarray.
Alexandria and Dom are working on something we can't see. But they're getting along well, and what fun is that? Tim comes in to remind everyone of the accessory wall, and now models are getting put in clothes. Kate and Helen have something awesome. Timothy is super-happy to see Sophie. Miranda admits that she should have talked to Timothy about her problems instead of venting to everyone else. Justin and Alexander have some unpleasant colors. You know what I think? I think it might have been a mistake for teams to make clothes entirely out of inflatable dolphins. There, I said it!
Miranda tearfully apologizes to Timothy for her behavior. He sort of nods at her. We are meant to believe that he tells her, "I just believe that actions speak louder than words," but as we don't see him actually say it, I'm pretty sure he really just kept sewing and ignoring her, and that the audio was from an interview. Timothy says he didn't do anything wrong, and gave her no reason not to trust him. He's kind of right.
Hair! Volume! Curl! Sophie gets some hair treatment, although Miranda is the one that says what to do. In the workroom, there's some goofing around by putting on severed stuffed-animal heads. Tim starts to round people up. Miranda and Timothy are both pretty happy with their dress, so they high-five and hug. Sue does not like her skirt. She's right!
Runway time! Fashion: in one day, out the , you know the deal. Heidi introduces Zac and Nina, as well as Kelly Osbourne. I'm kind of shocked how much I've ended up liking her! Oh, and Tim. I've always liked Tim, so no shock there. Let's go!
Bradon and Karen "went sculptural," which means they wadded up a lot of brightly colored plastic. It makes an interesting swirl, and I like the way the shoulderpiece is made out of stuffing, but I'm not entirely sold on it as not being extremely silly. But who knows? That might mean it's high fashion!
Dom and Alexandria have, as advertised, made a sweater dress with a big monster face on the front. It also has a little handlebar moustache. I think it's cute.
Oh dear. Sue and Sandro have taken a bunch of bright blue plastic, thrown it at their model, and then tied some fabric around her waist to make it stay on. No thank you. Sue is already preparing to blame Sandro for it, as she should.
Helen and Kate made an awesome dress out of red sombreros. Most of it is just the sombrero material, but toward the bottom, there are some neat curves and lines that incorporate the original hat brims. I'm a big fan of this. Kelly asks Tim if they made it out of hats and calls it both "f#@king brilliant" and "amazing." I would have said "[BLEEP]ing brilliant," but she got subtitled so I'd know exactly what punctuation marks to put into shield your eyes from the horrifying sight of unfiltered profanity.
Alexander and Justin have a dress made out of bright blue and green vinyl that looks kind of tacky. Just imagine!
Jeremy and Ken used their blue vinyl to make tight pants, and it looks much more appropriate. Their top is also good, so I'd say they're a strong second place to Helen and Kate.
Miranda and Timothy think their dress looks good. It doesn't, really. Timothy's vest is far less impressive than he thinks he is. He says, "I'm thinking to myself, did we just...did we just win?" No, sweetie. You didn't. The back of the dress looks pretty good once she takes the vest off, though.
Heidi calls forward Bradon, Karen, Ken, Jeremy, Sandro, and Sue. They're all safe. Sandro interviews that Sue was right to become his assistant, because, "When a woman listen to a man...it's so cool." This guy.
So that leaves Alexandria and Dom (monster dress), Helen and Kate (awesome Sombrero dress), Alexander and Justin (bright blue/green vinyl dress), and Miranda and Timothy (also a blue dress). I've got Helen and Kate winning in a walk, and probably one of Alexander and Justin going home so we can continue with the Unicorn Drama for another week. And I guess they liked the monster dress. Let's see if I'm right!
They did like the monster dress! Timothy and Miranda give a synchronized sigh at the news that they're in the bottom.
Remember those words that were supposed to be everyone's inspiration? It's time to learn what some of them were! Dom says that their words were "playful," "energetic," and "texture." Alexandria takes up the story to describe how playful it is. And Dom won a lot of frogs for them to use. Kelly loves it, of course. One of the eyes of the monster is a heart shape. The other judges describe it with words like "fun" and "adorable." Nina calls it "an Instagram moment," and I think she might be right. Dom says that if they win, Alexandria should get the victory. Alexandria reluctantly agrees.
Kate and Helen lead with the materials and agree that they worked really, really well together. Helen says she learned a lot about time management from Kate, and Kate says Helen was very innovative. Heidi says it's a beautiful art piece. Nina says it's a "real high fashion moment," which seems more relevant than Instagram. She also calls it dramatic, which is good, right? Kelly praises the tailoring, which is hard to get right in a dress made of hats. Zac calls it "Sombrero Saturn Chic," which is not a thing. He also calls it polished, which is the highest compliment in Posenland. Kate says she thinks Helen should win, because she made it more artistic. Helen immediately agrees, and is so cheerful in her willingness to accept the credit that she gets away with it. We don't learn their words. This whole yogurt-words thing was a boondoggle.
Now it's time for the bottom looks, led by Justin and Alexander. Justin says their words were "summertime," "smooth," and "playful." Zac thinks there's way too much involved. There's kelp and dorsal fins and seaweed. "It's like Seapunk Skipper." Kelly accurately points out that with colors like these, they don't need to add all this extra stuff. Heidi doesn't think they edited. Nina says that in an Unconventional Challenge, you have a choice between "fun and kitsch" or "chic and glamorous," and they did both. Zac has them take the vest off, and after another thing goes off, everyone likes it much better. Alexander declines to offer an opinion on who should go if they lose. Justin agrees.
Team Unicorn Drama takes the stage. Timothy talks about his textile and Miranda's tailoring, then asks if Miranda wants to add anything. She does not. Heidi thinks it's boring. Zac thinks it looks like a deflated pool toy. He can see Timothy's work in the vest, but he doesn't like the result. Kelly thinks it would look good in black and white, but it's blue and yellow. Asked who should go home, Miranda talks about the fight, and then Timothy talks about the fight. I was going to skip it, but here's what Timothy has to say on the matter:
"What happened was, I came up to her and I said, 'So just be prepared, if we're in the bottom two, um, be prepared to say which one of us will have to go home.' She took that offensively. And simply, what I was trying to say was, the Titanic is a beautiful ship. Okay? And it needed life boats. And they said, 'No, let's not do life boats.' So essentially I'm trying to give life boats to the Titanic. And I think that if I had been working with a stronger designer, um, I actually draped the skirt. And she was fighting me the whole time. She was not trusting this team effort. And I was ready to go at this because I was not ready to go home. And I just feel like I was completely abandoned because I felt like I was working with somebody who was fighting against me the whole time. (Nina: "Wow.") And I appreciate my time being here and thank you for that."
Okay? See? With the Titanic? Right. So Zac pulls out the only part the judges care about, which is that Timothy draped the bottom of the skirt, Miranda did the pattern of the top and sewed it, and Timothy did the texture of the vest. Heidi offers Miranda a turn, and she declines to rebutt him. Timothy starts to interrupt (which is not easy, since she said like two words), and manages to stop himself after a sentence or two. Kelly is kind of gleeful as she observes how much they don't like each other.
Okay, enough of them. Deliberations! But first, more drama in the back room. Timothy does not accept Miranda's apology for venting in the sewing room. She correctly observes that Timothy berating her in front of the judges makes him look bad. Timothy continues to talk about how bad he felt last night. They sort of grudgingly apologize, but it's mostly because neither of them wants to talk to the other anymore.
Close-up looks! Kate and Helen's sombrero dress looks fantastic and is well made. Dom and Alexandria's monster dress is also fun. When it comes to Justin and Alexander's dress, Tim says that when he saw it, he told them to add more. And they added way too much! For Miranda and Timothy, Tim proposes that the disconnect between the vest and the dress is a metaphor for the disconnect in the team itself. Very literary. Kelly is not impressed by the vest, because she's seen a YouTube video on how to make that. Yeah, that sounds about right. And I love that Kelly Osbourne watches YouTube videos on making silly textiles.
Now it's time for deliberations. They all agree that Timothy and Miranda have the worst dress. And Timothy should have been good at the Unconventional Challenge, but he's been in the bottom three weeks in a row. Zac describes him as "very righteous with lots of excuses." Nina is happy to expand on Timothy's analogy about the Titanic. And that's the end of the deliberations! That was quick. I guess with the close-up looks, they don't feel the need to mention each garment.
Judging! Helen wins, as she should. Good job, Helen! And also Kate! And I like that Helen came in determined not to make friends, and she's seemed pretty nice so far. Kate is also safe, obviously. And so are Alexandria and Dom. And Alexander and Justin. That leaves Timothy and Miranda. Timothy is out, which seems right. Miranda gives him a hug, which is nice. Heidi claims to have liked Timothy's point of view, he was in the bottom every single week! I hope he and Sophie the model go get some coffee or something, because they seemed to like each other.
Timothy says he regrets not dancing more. Oh, come on. Tim soothes him and sends him up to clean up his space. Say what you like about the unicorn thing, it's a nice visual effect to see him sadly pick up his giant stuffed unicorn and carry it away.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.