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In the beginning, the designers are told that they are going to mix up their teams and the judges will pick two teams of four. We see Zac say that he would like to see Patricia’s aesthetic matched with Daniel’s construction skills. Nina thinks that Richard needs help with taste, so she pairs him with Layana. Michelle is sent to Team Patricia and bitch has the nerve to say that she is worried about Daniel because he is from Texas. I’d just like to say that there has been a virtual pipeline between Austin and Portland since at LEAST the late 90’s and she just revealed herself to be a total knob for acting that way. Samantha is sent to Team Richard. Stanley is on Team Patricia, which leaves Amanda on Team Richard.
The challenge? The designers have to take a field trip to find out about it. Heidi is not allowed to go -- those are the rules. So, the day, they meet their clients in some sort of cabaret space. They are male strippers. Their dance moves are ridonk. They are The Thunder From Down Under. No lie. I didn’t make that up. How could I? So, they have to make tear-away strip clothes. Team Richard names themselves Team Slick and Hip but they are seriously neither. The other team names themselves Team Shades of Grey, which is super clever. The hard part for everyone is designing for such superhero style bodies.
I don’t want to watch this unless the naked people are here. Richard Skypes with his friend and starts crying because he is super stressed. I feel bad for him because he’s feeling that his team doesn’t trust him. His team seems doomed from the beginning. Tim comes in and says that they don’t seem like they are advising each other, and he is worried about them. Team Shapes of Grey seems to fare better, though Tim thinks that they have a lot of work to do. Layana asks Stanley for help and he gives it to her, which is very nice of him.
The men come in for their fittings and it’s like The Crucible in there. They go mad. Team Sick and Hip (no typo) is flailing. Amanda says something about Richard not listening to her -- to his face. We don’t say things to people’s faces on this show. By the time the runway show begins, it doesn’t seem like anyone is doing particularly well. Scott Patric, hot make-up daddy, introduces all of the ladies in the make-up room to the dancers, which is a selfless act.
As expected, Team Shades of Grey wins, though it was by default. Emmy Rossum is the guest judge, which is a shame for her. They don’t even say anything nice to the winning team, though they don’t mind Michelle’s vest. One of the dudes from Richard’s team starts busting out of his pants when he’s just standing there and Nina Garcia seriously loses herself. She goes to another place and while she's accompanied by laughter, it doesn’t look fun. On the runway, Layana and Amanda go after Richard and he defends himself in a pretty grand fashion. Backstage, Amanda and Richard make up. There was no winning look! That’s fun! Amanda is out, though Layana’s jacket was the main offense on the runway, if you ask me.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: The designers created prom looks with duct tape. High school students voted on a winner, but it only was part of the judging. Michelle won the challenge. Both Tu and Kate were eliminated!
Tim and Heidi greet the designers on the runway. The judges are going to choose the teams and they will be in two teams of four. Daniel, obviously, is thrilled. The judges decide that they would like to see Patricia and Daniel together. They choose Richard and Layana to work together. Michelle is added to Team Patricia. Bitch says that she's worried about working with Daniel because he's from Texas. I feel like her provincial roots are showing when she says shit like that. Honestly, I don't think she can do anything right for me at this point. She's also unhappy about working with Patricia again. Who cares? I hope they sew her fingers together. Samantha is added to Team Layana. Stanley is added to Team Patricia, which means that Amanda goes on Team Layana. Layana says that she's worried because she thinks that Richard is inconsistent, Amanda is meek and Samantha is tacky. She's on the list, this Layana. She doesn't know how to appreciate other people's work and I find that to be a fault of hers I don't think it's that she just has these completely high standards either. I think she truly just doesn't know how to process the work of others unless it's very obvious.
Heidi says that this challenge is one of her favorites. They are going to take a field trip the day. Heidi begs to go but is not allowed, because she has no self-discipline. The day, they go to a club and male strippers come out. It's truly one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Ultimately, they pull off their pants to reveal Australian flag boxers. Yeah, I'm gonna pay to see people in their boxers. They are the Thunder from Down Under. Seriously. The lead dude says that they need costumes. They have to be tear-away. Michelle is sweating because she has made neither tear-away clothes nor menswear. The dancers will be the clients and the models. She also says that her husband is a beefcake, but in a normal guy way. He's still so special though.
Richard is feeling a lot of pressure to perform in this challenge. Michelle's team is Team Shades of Grey. Well, of course it is. She starts by saying that, since that dude who spoke for his drill team mentioned a suit, what if they made suit for a bike messenger and a delivery person? Stanley immediately says no because it's too costume-y. No, when ladies go to see puffed up Australian men with tans like pancake syrup rip their velcro clothes off, they need those clothes to look really naturalistic. Otherwise, it might not look like they are destroying their clothes. Because, that's the main appeal of the whole exercise. "JeZUS it makes me hot to watch some burly men ruin their clothes." Michelle insists that she finds bike messengers really hot and fantasizes about them on a daily basis. First of all, gross. Second of all... no, still just there with the gross and not because bike messengers aren't hot. Granted, I'm always reminded of Puck sticking his nasty fingers in Pedro's peanut butter, but the hot piece bike messenger is not really a rarity. The thing that is gross is Michelle's barely masked entitled rage mixed with her talking about sex. It's like Janice Dickinson. That's what it reminds me of. It's Janice Dickinson as the ether. One of the strippers is standing beside her with his hands tucked into his pockets and he looks oddly uncomfortable, even though he's laughing. She thinks she really knows what the girls in the audience want to see and it's something EDGY. What the women in the audience want to see is tits. I mean that's just a guess, but if a woman needs edge from the costumes of men dancing like they're on Kids Incorporated, I say that she's just looking at the wrong shit. It's about the tits. Isn't the fantasy sort of shattered when they start dancing? Unless they are dressed like professional dancers, I can't see how much can be conveyed or maintained in the way of fantasy via the costumes.
The other team is Team Slick and Hip. Looks like they are storing up their creative energy for their designs instead of their name. Well done. Some of the dudes give them pointers about how to make tear-away clothing, for which Amanda is very grateful. We see them taking measurements. Stanley says that he made tear-away clothes for a commercial recently so this is all still in his head. He's going to make a suit. Daniel, who emphasizes things in such a way that I feel like he's giving me a hint about something on a children's show -- seriously, that's the only way I can think to describe it right now, says that he's making a trench coat. Well, that doesn't sound creepy at all. Maybe if it was a Singin' In The Rain kind of ensemble. That didn't sound gay at all. I'm really great at this. Michelle says that it's going to take a lot of fabric to wrap around the biceps of the clients and she's glad that the teams have a budget of $750 each. I know that I expect to see only the finest of silks and brocades on these slabs of beef.
Richard has a band-aid behind his ear. He tells his team an idea about black crystal buttons. Samantha says that, if Richard had his way, the designs would all channel RuPaul and Prince. Well, now, I don't know if that's fair. Samantha says aloud that they don't want it to be gaudy. Seriously, is anyone aware of what this challenge is for? It's Australian dancers in VEGAS. Then, Richard proposes an idea where a shirt is ripped off and the collar remains. Maybe Samantha is right. That sounds horrible. Amanda nicely interviews that Richard's aesthetic seems dated. That said, he sounds like the only person who is offering a plan. The others are just editing his ideas. Pet peeve of the world: people who deconstruct the work of others without considering the rigors of creating the thing in the first place. Granted, Richard's ideas here are just horrible and I can't really see a woman finding them very sexy, but was that really presented as a requirement? Richard is feeling a divide in the team, though it's really just him just being excluded.
When they get to Mood, Richard still tries to lead. Maybe this is a communication problem, but I don't see anyone else taking initiative at all. Amanda says that Richard's aesthetic goes "a little Vegas-y." She doesn't even realize that's ridiculous as a criticism when the show is, in fact, IN VEGAS. I wish they would be honest with him, because there's a lot of passive aggression floating around and hurt feelings are mounting and you can see it happening. Richard even starts to complain to Tim, but he stops himself.
Michelle says she doesn't want to use traditional suiting fabric. She wants to do something loud. Stanley is still against it and she says that she would rather do something big and go home than be safe and go home. He just tells her that it's her call. I like the way that he handled that. But, man, is he humorless. Stanley is not a friend of laughter.
Has a Mood trip ever been this complicated? Richard and Amanda disagree on which color they had agreed was their primary color. How does that happen? Somebody doesn't want to hear the answers they are being given. Tim calls out into the room that he smells chaos. Well, that's no help.
Finally, they get back to the workroom. Tim reminds everyone that some of the worst work that has walked the runway was menswear. Team Slick and Hip divides up the work. There is definitely tension in the air. Team Shades of Grey splits stuff up as well. S&H overrides Richard and decides that they want to go with something classic and manly. The use of that word bothers me a little bit, as if Richard is incapable of providing that. He seems really defensive though. He and Amanda have a moment where they are exchanging tense words. It doesn't explode or anything, but they are definitely uncomfortable. Amanda interviews that she gets a lot of attitude from Richard.
Richard says that he is feeling on edge because he is used to be surrounded by supportive people. Then, he gets to Skype with his buddy, Maneca. He starts crying and says that he is glad to see her. Wow, he's a mess. He interviews that being away from his friends and family has taken a toll on him. He says that he is going to work with things the best way that he can.
Back in the workroom, Amanda notices for the first time that there is a "penile bump" on the front of her mannequin. It doesn't sound like they have made as many concessions for the size of these guys as they should have. Stanley says that he took solid measurements (not ulterior motive there or anything, just a friendly game of grab ass), but no one else seems as concerned. Amanda and Michelle joke about the dancers and someone reminds Michelle that she's a married woman. She says that you can look but you can't touch, even though touching is sort of her job.
Layana doesn't know what she's doing with her man's jacket. She has never made one before. Michelle rides Patricia for only making a shirt while the rest of them are making three pieces or more. Then, she says that she's considering making some tear-away pants for her husband like the ones she is making now. Stanley smiles at this. ATTENTION: Stanley SMILES.
Tim comes in to consult and notes that the room is very quiet. Team Slick and Hip says they are trying to make clothes for an Australian George Clooney who takes his clothes off. So Naomi Watts? I don't think that's gonna sell. Tim criticizes Layana's coat and Richard nods as if he'd told her to correct something. He didn't. That's shitty. He's trying to gaslight Layana! I can't say that I disapprove, but it's shitty. Anyway, they are all over the place and Layana is already not great at talking. Her content isn't bad but her delivery always seems like she doesn't really know what she is talking about. Tim says that it doesn't seem like the four of them are working together. He's worried about them. They seem really scattered right now and Tim says that he noticed there was a problem as early as Mood. This does not bode well for these guys and they know it.
Tim moves over to Team Meredith Grey and things don't seem all that much better. Michelle's vest is very mannered. She has all of these buttons on the front and she says that she added them for a steam punk effect, but Tim thinks that it looks less modern with all them buttons. Stanley says that he is making a traditional suit. Tim thinks that Daniel's trench looks like a clergyman's coat. Overall, he says that they should be proud of their progress.
After Tim is gone, Layana says that she is worried about her jacket, so she asks Stanley for direction. Everyone notices and doesn't find it exactly kosher. The models come in for their fitting and everybody is freaking out again. I guess this really isn't my thing. I'm sure they are all very healthy and that's nice and all, but I don't find it all that attractive. Except, I bet they would be great at yard work. Or helping people over a wall if there wasn't a ladder. Michelle tells a dude that she never made clothes for a man as buff as him. It sounds like she's about to cry. Amanda tells her guy that it's better to be too big than too small and I'm not sure why she's lying. Either she's about to pass out or she finds him disgusting. There are so many layers. Layana asks her model if he thinks she should lower something and he says that he trusts her judgment. She tells him that he shouldn't trust her judgment when it comes to menswear. She interviews that she was hypnotized by the Thunders's accents. Then, they leave and one guy isn't wearing pants. I wonder if he even realizes it at this point.
Michelle thinks that she might get in trouble for all of the kisses she just got. In this shot, Daniel is directly behind her. If you have a moment and the inclination, find this moment and pause it. She and Daniel have the exact same hair and eyebrows. Maybe the same ears? It's remarkable is all I'm saying. Pointing this out is the service that I provide for you. Daniel tells Michelle about what he's going to move some sort of seam to help make the crotch of some pants. Michelle insists that he do that because she wants the crotch to look good. She's really going overboard with all of this.
Team Slip and Slide is still not really getting along. Samantha and Amanda are discussing something in front of Richard and Amanda asks him if he agrees and he asks what they are talking about. Amanda "jokes" that she has a frequency of voice that Richard can't hear. Well done. Richard just says that he is preoccupied because he has so much going on. Then, he interviews that she should play nice. I feel like Richard is reacting to stuff in his head. Meaning, I feel like he is in fact not listening to her because he's getting increasingly stressed out and nervous and defensive, then even more defensive when Amanda reacted.
Michelle says that Stanley is really far behind, but apparently sometimes he doesn't sew until the day of the show and he has made a lot of beautiful stuff, so maybe this will be fine. Meanwhile, Patricia has only worked on her shirt and even Daniel is a little annoyed by it. Also, Richard has only made one shirt and he needs to make more. Layana is worried.
The day, the guys are getting ready and Richard is wearing a hat that looks like a magnet that has been dragged through a scrap metal place. A place where they keep scrap metal. Michelle, who we have heard ENTIRELY too much from this episode, nay this season, says that this entire challenge has been a nightmare. Of course, she also adds that Patricia spent the who challenge working on one shirt.
Back in the workroom, everyone scrambles to finish. The models come in for their final fitting. Daniel says that Michelle's vest looks like the Lollipop Guild from The Wizard of Oz. Heh. Layana has to recut her sleeve because dude went to the gym to get properly shredded before the show.
In make-up, the guys mostly just get lotioned up. Scott Patric, hot make-up daddy, who in my opinion demolishes the competition, introduces his assistants to the Thunders. These guys must be really intimidating, because there is more giggling. Everyone giggles except for Scott Patric. He's seen it all before. Back in the workroom, Layana is flirting with one of the guys. Layana, though she's starting to grate, is really attractive. She could totally pull one of these guys if she wanted. Michelle screws up one of Stanley's shirts by hot-gluing the velcro instead of sewing it, thus creating a situation where the velcro just comes off the shirt. Amanda's pants don't fit. They find out like two minutes before the runway show. These guys must have done some carb loading the night before.
On the runway, Heidi greets the designers. She jokes again that this challenge is one of her favorites. She introduces Zac, Nina and guest judge Emmy Rossum. The show begins with Samantha and Richard's look. Oh my God. First off all, the guy is super cheesy and does one of the Senior portrait hands to the chin thing. What an ass monkey. His shirt is a disaster. It's sleeveless and untucked and the collar looks like it was eaten and vomited. Over that he's wearing a black vest that is unremarkable. His pants fit though. His shirt, no lie, actually makes him look fat. These guys are definitely not fat.
The look is even worse, An untucked shirt with a too short tie. The collar is insane. Guys, I can't stop laughing. Even Layana is laughing. Amanda looks like she knows that things are not going well for her. Richard and Amanda are responsible for this.
The look is Layana and Richard's baby. It's an ugly baby. Oh God, it's a suit and the jacket is beyond a train wreck. It's like a planet wreck. Like if planets wrecked into each other. First of all, it looks like a woman's jacket which is just hysterical to see on a man as muscular as this guy. Also, the fit is so wrong. It's like an Escher drawing.
Afterwards, the guys dance and it's so dorky. It ends with them tearing off their clothes. They are left standing in boxers. Really? Zac says that this is like some weird dream. Indeed. Nina giggles.
Team Slim Shady is and begins with Daniel and Patricia's look. The trench is not horrible. It's black, so it loses some of its flasher connotations. The pants are too baggy though, which Richard notices. You can't even see Patricia's shirt. Stanley's suit is and it isn't bad. Stanley thinks it's sloppy, but way better than the other team. Michelle's look is last and it's not horrible either. The vest is too short but the pants fit nicely. Patricia thinks that it's a shame that they put full pockets on such a nice butt. Afterwards, they dance and they can't get their clothes to rip off! The judges laugh so much.
After the show, Heidi says that they all sucked. She says that they should all be eliminated. Team Oil Slick is the losing team. The judges talk to Team Grey Lady first. Heidi thinks Daniel's trench is boring and she says that Patricia's shirt looks like a pot holder that she has at home. I'm sure Heidi cooks a lot and really has had a lot of time to look at that pot holder. Nina thinks that the whole thing is boring. Patricia says that they felt like they had to stick to an office story. Nina thinks that the trench looks like a hair salon smock. Ouch. Nina doesn't hate Michelle's vest. She has this hanky on the outside of the vest and the intention is that the dancer would give it to some lucky boy in the audience each evening. The dancer says that is a good idea and he would actually do something like that. Afterwards, backstage, Michelle is sulking and she interviews that she should have put her foot down about making something that wasn't boring.
Team Hip Replacement is on the grill now. Zac tells Samantha that it looks like she's going to beat up the judges. Well, no one likes to lose Zac. One of the dude's pants start popping open by themselves and Nina seriously loses it. She can't stop laughing. They hate everything, though they say that Samantha's look sucks the least. Amanda says she's sorry that they embarrassed the guys because they were great to work with. Heidi gives a silent thumbs down. She asks who should be eliminated. Samantha says that Amanda was the weakest. Richard agrees. Amanda says that Richard was difficult to work with. Richard says that it's bullshit. He says that Amanda and Layana were against him. Then, Layana pipes in and says that Richard should be eliminated because he has been inconsistent in the competition and he makes too many excuses. Wow. I kind of respect her for that. Then, Richard calls her on getting help from Stanley on her jacket. Obviously, he didn't help her much, because the jacket is a disaster. She loses me in the end though because she says that Richard should know how to tailor because he's a man. That's stupid. Just because you wear clothes doesn't mean you know how to make them.
While the judges are conferring, Richard tells everyone backstage that Amanda dragged him through the mud. She says that it wasn't her intention and he cuts her off with a passive aggressive statement about how they are all out for themselves on the runway and it's all good. It's obviously not all good. She starts crying and says that she honestly thought that she was being constructive and she's not that kind of person. He hugs her, but I feel like he just made her cry and that's not very nice. Also, Layana was the one who said the worst stuff about him.
Heidi tells Emmy that the designers are usually much better. They hated Layana's jacket. Emmy agrees with me about the guy's shirt making him look fat. Zac thinks it's sad that Richard doesn't know how to make shirts. Nina feels sorry for Richard that the girls on his team ganged up on him. They think all of the pants were bad. In fact, Richard's shirts would have looked better had they been tucked in, but they couldn't tuck them in because of the pants. They thought that Patricia's shirt looked like arts and crafts. They didn't like that Daniel's coat didn't have a belt. Heidi says that his thunder may have been so big that he needed the room, which starts Nina and Zac giggling some more. Heidi wonders if they even have a winner this week.
The teams return and Heidi tells them that there is no winning look. Wow. Samantha is in. Layana is in. So, we have Amanda and Richard. Richard is in. Amanda is a good sport about it. She interviews that she didn't get her personal aesthetic across in the competition, because she didn't think big enough. Tim tells Amanda that he's going to miss her. She says that she's excited for her future.
Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com and followed on Twitter at @jblong.