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The designers had to transform bridesmaids dresses. Cute Michael got the biggest girl, but Tim told him that it was actually a privilege and an honor to dress big girls. Valerie starts showing a lot of self-doubt. Gretchen insists that she's not all of the bad things that Tim Gunn said about her last week. The designers also have to pitch the designs to strangers, who each have a vote. At the showing, Ivy says that she heard that Other Michael was telling the strangers that they shouldn't vote for her because she was the bitch of the show. That sounds exactly right, but I don't think he would do that. Other Michael hears about the rumor and tells her that he did no such thing. She doesn't believe him because she says that his character already looks crappy. Really?
For the show, Mondo, Christopher and Other Michael are in the top. The designers are completely freaked that Other Michael is winning over them, so they remedy this by sending him to show his work to the losers. The winner? Other Michael. Peach is dunzo for a super busy look.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Gretchen wrested control of her team in order to lead them to a huge loss. Casanova won his first challenge! Everyone on Gretchen's team was horribly mean to Other Michael and it seemed pretty bad. I write "seemed" because I can't be entirely sure that I wouldn't have hated on him a little too, but Ivy was a stone cold bitch and we all know that now. Anyway, the sins of Team Luxe visited upon A.J. and he went home.
It's morning at the Atlas Building and Cute Michael is chipper, thought he notes that waking up there is like being trapped in hell. That's no good. Christopher is lying paralyzed in his bed and says that group work is excruciating. Someone asks Casanova if he feels like a winner and he does. He interviews that the best part of winning a challenge is the immunity. He hopes that it will help him be more confident, presumably for this challenge but maybe he just means in general.
Peach and April are having their daily coffee clatch. Peach remarks that yesterday's runway was ugly. They both agree that, had Other Michael not been immune, he would have gone home. April, apparently still smarting from seeing her friend A.J. go home or perhaps just not a morning person, says that Other Michael would have deserved to go home for not knowing how to fucking sew. Meanwhile, Ivy is still bitching to Valerie that Other Michael should go home. He knows that something is going on. He tells us that he doesn't know who his friends are. Hint: Not Ivy. He flashes back to everyone attacking him on the runway. But, "bleep" them all, he says. Really? I can feel sorry for you for not knowing how to sew, but not cursing? I have no time for this Other Michael.
Gretchen's feeling mopey because Tim ripped her a new asshole the day before at the runway show. She interviews that she is not a manipulative person and his words really upset her. But, I swear to BANGS that she fake cracks her voice when she's talking about it. Which would, uh, make her seem like a manipulative person, right? I swear that was fake. I know these things. I was the baby in the family and had to use all manner of voice cracking to get heard and so forth. I know a fake crack when I hear one. Ivy, never one to seem un-snakey for even a minute, whispers to Valerie that she thinks it was good for Gretchen to get shamed. Maybe it will bring her back "down" to reality. Valerie says that Gretchen has a strong personality and is maybe the type to assume leadership without really asking for it.
At the runway, Heidi reminds everyone that Casanova has immunity. Then, she says that the designers will be working with new models for this challenge. Then, these ladies all walk out in ridiculous dresses -- clearly bridesmaids dresses. Why do people do this to their friends? Andy interviews that he's freaking out because the dresses are so hideous. When they are all in place, Heidi jokingly asks how everyone likes the dresses. She assumes that the designers have figured out what kind of dresses they are. Casanova probably is thinking, "This dress you wear to pick up mail from box of mail, yes?" But, he doesn't say it out loud. Heidi adds that the women on the runway were all told the lie that they would be able to wear their dresses again. The challenge is to create a look for these women that they would want to, well, wear. Christopher wonders why all brides want their attendants to look horrible. When you put it like that, I guess it makes sense. It's THEIR day and all that bullshit. The women all introduce themselves and one woman dryly notes that she has a vertical bow on her chest. This gets a big laugh from everyone. Valerie says that, just as the designers have gotten comfortable with their models, the producers are all like evil laugh.
Now's it's time to match the designers up with the bridesmaids. Casanova chooses first and explains that he just chose the thinnest girl. He didn't care about the dress. So, this is how this is gonna go down? Not really. The others seem to be more drawn to features in the dresses. Mondo chooses a gown of rosy pink, but when the lady wearing it walks away, you see that there is a strip of white on the back! He's mortified. Cute Michael is the last designer to be matched with a gown and he gets the one worn by the largest girl. I guess you can't blame the designers, but it seriously is like clockwork with how they can't stand designing for full-figured peeps. Cutie is upset that he has the worst dress.
Back at the workroom, the designers have the dresses on mannequins -- mannequins that are screaming. Tim enters and says the garments are horrible. I wonder if any of the brides are watching and what they must think. Tim is kind enough to place the blame on the "bridesmaid dress industry." He says that a rule of the challenge is that most of the finished design should consist of the current dress. Then, he sends in the ladies to be consulted. First though, he introduces Christopher to his new model wearing a new dress. His other girl got "cold feet." I'm guessing fear of reprisal from the bride? Anyway, the new dress is totally different and I feel really bad for Christopher.
Most of the consultations seem to go pretty smoothly. April's girl has a lot of rules and regulations. Other Michael and his girl get on like gangbusters. Cute Michael's lady tells him that he can do whatever he wants with her dress. Then, our cute boy interviews that, when designing for a woman who is, what is the word? "VOLUMPTUOUS?" Yes, that's the word he was looking for. Looking for. Making up. Whatever. His girl is more volumptuous than the others. Anyway, when designing for women who are like that word, things can go very wrong. He thinks that his success in this challenge will depend on good tailoring and smart choices. He seems really freaked out. Consultations are over and everyone is off to Mood.
They can only buy like two yards of fabric. Cute Michael decides to get upholstery fabric, so he'll have more yardage. I don't understand that. Two yards is more than two yards? [Yes, because upholstery fabric is wider across so you can cover larger things like couches and make curtains. Thanks, Home Ec class. -- Angel] Cutie asks Tim if a fabric he's considering looks too cheap. Tim merely replies that it is cheap.
Back at the workroom, Cute Michael announces that he would like for his model's size to not even be a topic of conversation. Gretchen says that it's just about making a beautiful garment out of the ugly dress. That's so obvious that I'm wondering if there's some greater meaning that I just don't get. Peach asks Mondo for help because she can't create darts without making the fabric pucker.
It looks like Other Michael is having a pretty easy time. He totally gets what to do with his dress. In the sewing room, Valerie tells Andy that she was hoping Other Michael would get eliminated in this challenge. Andy says some bullshit about wishing that he would give him something to respect. That's so lame. Then, Valerie acknowledges that Other Michael is probably going to get kudos from the judges for his current design and it will make them all look crazy for talking smack about him. Well, have you considered that maybe he actually has some talent? I don't understand this insistence that everyone have the EXACT same skill sets. Fine, he's not a master sewer. He's clearly a problem solver though so why doesn't everyone just get off of their stupid high fashion horses? And, if it's merely the dress that is easy, why didn't you choose it?
Gretchen has a Skype convo with her mother who is very supportive and loving. I suppose Gretchen can't really be this huge asshole or anything, but she's got a touch of the entitled, yes? Anyway, she mentions to her mother that she's thinking about going home, which I don't believe for even the tiniest of moments. Her mom reminds her that she needs to maximize the benefit from this opportunity. My mother would tell me to book the flight home if I showed even the slightest weakness. She's like a shark. Or a lion and a pack of caribou. Like all conversations with mothers on reality television, Gretchen is reminded that she needs to stay focused on her work. Then, we hear from Christopher. He says that he was crushed for Gretchen when Tim called her out because he doesn't believe that she has a malicious bone in her body. Well, shut up, Christopher. The thing is, Gretchen got too big for her britches and somebody had to rectify the situation. Enter Mr. Gunn. Holla.
Tim is actually entering now. I wasn't just saying that. Other Michael notes that Gretchen looks worried when she sees Tim and he thinks it's because the Gunn broke her down. He starts with her and tells her that he really likes the hombre effect that she has used on the fabric. He warns her against making the look too athletic and she makes this production about how the judges and Tim always open her mind with the stuff they say. He's like, "That's me job, brioche." She says something about how she doesn't need Tim to be her "emotional mentor," she needs him to help her make an ugly bridesmaid dress into something beautiful. That's a pretty good lesson actually. Then, Gretchen says two seemingly dissimilar thoughts about the world as if they are in fact similar. She says that things happen and you're supposed to reflect AND a scar can become an open wound if you don't let it heal. There's so much there that I don't even know where to begin, except to remind Gretchen that scars are actually healed open wounds. So maybe you can prevent an open wound from becoming a scar by not letting it heal, but, really, it's healed if it's a scar; aside from the aesthetic unpleasantness of scars. Which still doesn't mean you're not healed. It means you're scarred. Help me. Someone.
Cute Michael tries to talk to Tim about his problems, but doesn't want to say anything about his model's size. Tim says that it's an honor to be able to design something beautiful for someone who isn't a sample size. No one really believes that, right? He talks to Other Michael and advises him to tone down his look. Ivy is looking on and thinks that his look is overkill, and it frightens me that she has moved into the territory where she is saying "kill" during thoughts about Other Michael. This may be going too far. Mondo's look appears to be really successful. Peach is freaking out. She doesn't like the print she's using. Tim tries to lead her in the right direction. He loves what Casanova is putting together and he still seems surprised to get compliments. Valerie is having problems. Her dress is looking very pedestrian.
Afterwards, Tim tells them that the day will not be a runway day. Instead, there will be a designer showcase and hundreds of people have been invited. Everyone seems freaked. Then, the ladies come in for fittings. Cutie's girl seems thrilled with her dress and he suddenly feels more positive about things, at least positive that he can defend himself in front of the judges. April's girl keeps asking for changes, so April has to remind the lady that the competition is actually about her. Other Michael pared down his adornments, but his client still wanted some of them. So, he's going to add them. Peach is having troubles. She made a cutting error and she's running out of fabric.
The morning, Peach is still in a frenzy. She's pretty sure she's going to be in the bottom at judging, but she hopes that there will be some dresses that are worse than hers. At the workroom, they fit the models and get ready for the showcase. Other Michael is happy with the changes he made. Valerie seems doubtful about her look.
So, they're at this gallery space with tons of people lined up outside. Tim explains that each visitor will have a button that they will place in a fishbowl near their favorite design. That means these bitches gotta WORK. The doors open and Valerie says that she gets a lot of good response but not a lot of buttons. Other Michael gets a lot of both. Also, he notices that Gretchen's model's breasts are showing from the side of her look. Not good. Peach actually manages to do a pretty good job selling her look, though it is troubled. Even though we don't see any evidence, Ivy tells Valerie that Other Michael is telling people that she's the bitch of this season. Well, he'd be correct. But, again, we didn't see that. Ivy is outraged though.
The day, that runway show is happening. Andy tells Other Michael that he heard that Other was talking about Ivy. He denies it and interviews that he would never do that, considering how hard they all work. This is boring. Ivy says that she's not going to confront him. I tell you, when I think of Ivy, I think of all high roads.
At the workroom, it looks like everybody is feeling pretty good, even Peach. April notices that she's struggling though. So, in the sewing room, Other Michael says to Ivy that he heard about the whole button controversy rumor and he didn't talk shit about her at the showcase. She interviews that she doesn't believe him because Other Michael doesn't exhibit good character. Really? Ivy is holding onto reality with like tweezers or something. She says stuff that fucking weirds me out in its lack of awareness. What bad character has he shown? Winning a challenge that she wanted to win? Having the nerve to not get kicked off the show? Not knowing how to do something (sew) that I'm sure he would love to know how to. Later, Gretchen asks why Other Michael would say that in front of everyone. Cutie says it's because he's an idiot. Either these people are nakedly jealous and need to get a quick hold of themselves or Other Michael is pooping in their shoes at night or something and we, the viewers, are not privy to said pooping.
They're all scrambling to get ready. Valerie is not happy with her look. Cutie is still unsure. His girl is happy, but it's still a huge sin and possible felony to be chubby. Andy thinks Cutie handled this challenge with "grace." Outrageous. Fine, maybe he was graceful about it, but it's not like he saved an orphan or something.
On the runway, Heidi tells everyone that Mondo got the most votes at the showcase. She introduces Michael, Nina and Cynthia Rowley. Mondo's dress is first in the show and it's awesome. It's graphic black and pink and fits like a glove. It's one-shouldered and there's maybe a little too much going on up there on that shoulder. In a way that makes it still look a little like a bridesmaid dress. Nah, it's pretty cool. Ivy made pants and a loose top. It looks rigorous, but I'm not sure the fit on the pants is great. Valerie should have taken the large bust of her client into account more. It makes her design seem matronly and not very special. Gretchen's look is pretty great. The dress is completely transformed. It looks young, hip and loose now. Andy dyed his girl's dress and now it's short shorts and a tight top. It looks very cute. Up is Other Michael's look. Hmm. It's cute. The stuff that he added looks a little sophisticated too. Christopher's dress is cute too. It has a some remnants of bridesmaid feeling about it, but that doesn't mean it's not a cute dress. Here's Cute Michael's dress and I think it's just fine. He put this netting over the pink dress and made a little shrug. Maybe the netting is ugly in person. I don't know. I think he really flattered his girl though. Casanova's look is and it's really chic! Tight pants and a shapeless one-shouldered top. April's look is and it's also chic. It looks very Parisian with large shoulders and a tiny waist. And a short skirt.
After the show, April, Ivy, Andy, Gretchen and Casanova are free to go. Backstage, we get to see the peanut gallery try to decide who's in the top and who's in the bottom. I guess I see the appeal of this, but is this why this show lasts for 17 hours now? So I can see Gretchen talk about how Other Michael made ALL of the wrong choices? Because, I no wanna.
The judges think Cutie's dress was prettier before. He explains that he couldn't afford silk chiffon. His girl says she likes the dress and it's a lot more comfortable after the changes. Cutie says with all seriousness (I mean it, there was no seriousness left after this) that he would NOT put his girl in a dress that made her uncomfortable.
Christopher describes how he had to make his dress more tailored. Michael kind of likes it, but thinks it's kind of bipolar. Cynthia thinks that it's perfect. Nina likes the top but not the bottom. Heidi is into it.
Peach says that she tried to show off her model's shoulders. Michael says that he loves the hair... and that's it. He thinks the top is Holly Hobby, which I say makes it AWESOME. But, that's just me. Michael hates the stuff that she put on her hips and he is very simply right. He says it looks like she has an avocado goiter. Peach is so good-natured, she's actually laughing along with his jabs. Peach says that she got lost.
Mondo said he was trying to make a classy party dress. Nina likes the transformation from the former incarnation. Cynthia doesn't like the styling of his girl's hair, but she thinks the dress is hot.
Valerie explains that she used color blocking to bring in the model's silhouette, but Michael says that it did just the opposite. All of the judges think she really screwed up with the top. Heidi offers that she doesn't hate the dress as much as everyone else does.
Heidi thinks that Other Michael's look is hip and fresh. Michael thinks that it's interesting and expensive. Cynthia loves the fit and how short it is. They're going to love this backstage. No one can even smile when Other Michael tells how the judges loved his look.
The judges confer. Heidi loves that Other Michael is succeeding after his teammates ragged on him. Heidi liked Christopher's dress, but Michael and Nina only liked the idea behind it. Nina loves the transformation of Mondo's look.
Michael thought that Valerie's look was that of a really bad tennis dress. Ew. They hate the boob work. They think Cute Michael made a mistake adding cheap fabric to his look. Peach is going home. That's all there is to it. They hate EVERYTHING. Sad. Michael doesn't think she has taste.
The designers come back to the stage. Gretchen freaks out that Other Michael is doing well again. Ha! Onstage, Other Michael wins! Crazy. I love this. They're just antagonizing us or something. He interviews that he could just go home now. No one and I mean NO ONE congratulates him backstage, except for Casanova.
Now, it's back to the losers. Valerie is in, which leaves us with Peach and Cute Michael. Why play? Peach is totes leaving. She knows it. We all know it. Cute Michael hugs Peach before he leaves. She's such an amazing sport. She tells the judges that she's had the time of her life. She tells us that she has had a blast. Backstage, April is upset because she is losing her anchor. Mondo tells her that she made the experience great for all of them. She asks who will be the Fairy Dragmother with her gone! Ha! Tim comes in and whisks her away. She gives him a huge hug and he tells her she's a gem. She says that she's glad she wasn't the person complaining about being tired. She kept up with the kids and she thinks her husband and daughter will be proud of her. We all are, Peach!!
Jeff Long is an actor/writer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com
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