We begin with the shit that was stirred last week. Did Jeffrey illegally outsource his collection? After careful auditing by Project Internal Revenue Services, he's cleared of most charges. He was over budget by a couple of hundred dollars, and he didnât have a receipt for some work done on some shorts in his collection. So he has to lose the shorts and the blond wigs intended for his models.
At the show, Jeffrey shows first and it's good. Uli, , is also good. Laura shows after that -- still very good. Michael is last. Crickets. At least Brandy was there to see him.
It's down to the line. Michael is the first to go. No surprise there. The to go is Laura. They tell Uli that "every woman" would want to wear her clothes. Jeffrey is told that he's innovative, yet made a few missteps in his collection. And the winner is not Uli.
Previously: The designers created their Fashion Week collections. Back in New York, Laura raised suspicions that Jeffrey had illegally outsourced the construction of some of his collection. She told Tim her worries, and he and the producers audited all of their receipts. If Jeffrey's found guilty, who knows? Broken kneecaps and shit like that lie in his future.
With a day and a half before the Olympus Fashion Week Show, we see an overhead shot of Bryant Park. It looks tent-y. Everyone is in the workroom. Michael is sewing a really ugly leopard-print fabric. I can't tell what the silhouette of the design is, though -- so maybe that will be better.
Jeffrey silently walks out of the workroom, and Uli says that she wishes the whole drama (with Jeffrey) had never started. Laura doesn't feel that way. She recalls that Jeffrey's explanation for the quality of his construction of his garments was that it looked professional because he was a professional. So it doesn't sound like Jeffrey would be the guy to go to for any illuminating evidence about the existence of God.
Uli says that the whole kerfuffle is not just about Jeffrey's alleged wrongdoing, which I assume means that she thinks that Laura and Michael are trying to take Jeffrey down in order to help themselves. Or that they are trying to get him back for all the nasty things he said about everyone during the course of the season. Laura disagrees and says that if Jeffrey did have extra help, it would be like an athlete using steroids. She interviews that, since Jeffrey has a clothing line and people working on that line, he has access to extra help. She thinks he used it.
We see a conversation between Laura and Jeffrey. She says that she simply has a few questions about the pleating and leather work -- it's legal to send them out, but she would like to see receipts for the work. Once those questions are answered, everything will be fine. But Jeffrey says that he's more bothered by the questioning of his integrity. Okay. Maybe lying about sewing and making old ladies cry are not the same things. And maybe you can be a person who worries about his integrity while still being a total dicksmack to everyone. But: no, you can't. He's not worried about his fucking integrity. He's worried about not showing at Bryant Park. Then, though, Laura says that she never questioned his integrity, which is of course also bullshit. But really, why should she worry about questioning his integrity? Going onto national television (basic cable, for sure, but nonetheless... ) and being an asshole for months, whatever true or fictional version of yourself that might be, is already going to raise a few questions about your integrity. It's not much of a leap to add another question to the integrity quiz. Number 19 would be, "Why did you feel the need to denigrate the work of the other three designers in the final four after you'd already secured a show at Bryant Park?" Number 20 is, "Who did your sewing? (Part B) Could we see some receipts, please?"
Anyway, Jeffrey's all, "Yeah you fucking did and that's your problem." And, he walks away. Laura has sort of an "oh well" look on her face and she walks the other way. She looks a little more bothered by Jeffrey's feelings than I think she wants to admit. And frankly, I don't get it. I am a total coward when it comes to most conflicts, but this situation seems fairly cut and dried to me. So, you didn't cheat, Jeffrey? Well, then, you should be fine. As far as the integrity whining, I'd just say that I was just doing it for the cameras -- which would serve the dual purpose of allowing me to question Jeffrey's process, but look like I was just serving the drama of the production. And my little coward cloak would remain un-linty.
Later, Jeffrey gets a call from Tim. Jeffrey is missing some receipts from Park Pleating, the company that he outsourced to for... pleating. Jeffrey needs to have the company fax the missing receipts to Tim & Co. Jeffrey says that Park Pleating is like Sanford and Son, which means it has a really great theme song. Damn lucky pleaters. Tim says he doesn't know what will happen if Jeffrey can't get the receipts. I imagine he'll have The Big One. Jeffrey calls the company and asks for the receipt. Then he interviews that if they can't produce it, he won't be showing at Bryant Park. I'm finding this all very fishy. More than anything, you're going to want to have receipts for services. The receipt is the only really evidence that the service even took place. Unless, of course, you don't want anyone to know how much you paid for the service. And you want everyone to think that you were the person who constructed the clothing.
The morning, they go the workroom. There's a lot of tension in the air. Jeffrey blows up Tim Gunn's cell and is all, "I'd really like to talk to you!" He interviews that he's dying to know the outcome of the audit. He says it would be "utterly tragic" if he didn't get to show at Fashion Week. Mmm hmm. Or funny -- I don't know. And I say that knowing that Jeffrey is incredibly talented. But it would be kind of funny if he didn't get to show. Funny in a horrible way, but still funny. To me.
Jeffrey starts making a new outfit. Why? Well, "just in case" he can't get the receipt for the pleating of his bubble shorts, he's going to make something new. What foresight he's showing! It's almost like he knows there isn't going to be a receipt. I mean, sure, it's Sanford and Son, so why should he expect a receipt? More importantly, why would he entrust a project for the most important professional event of his entire life to a dog-and-pony show like these Park Pleating folks? I guess you don't have to be a good accountant in order to pleat some shorts, but... COME THE FUCK ON! Who are these people? Jeffrey can have his entire collection 100 percent completed when he arrives in New York, which not a single other designer in the history of the finals of this show has done, but he can't maintain receipts for one project? It's not that hard to keep it together for one project.
Finally, Tim gets there. The designers all stand in a posed formation, with Jeffrey in the front and Laura over his shoulder, like a little devil. Tim says that, after exhaustive auditing of Jeffrey's receipts, they are confident that he is within budget. Jeffrey starts to cry. Uli hugs him, and he keeps on crying. Tim seems really bothered by this whole thing. I think that he must really like Jeffrey. ["Or he's uncomfortable with the self-absorption that allows Jeffrey to boo-hoo over something like this while having shown zero respect historically for the work or feelings of others. I don't actually hate the dude, but: grow up, duder." -- Sars] Tim continues, saying that since Jeffrey doesn't have a receipt for the pleating of the shorts (hi, IRS, let me direct you to a little sitcom called Park Pleating), he will have to lose them from his collection. As well, he is the only one of the designers who was over budget, by $227.95. He will have to lose something else from his show to get his collection within the $8000 budget, and the judges will be told that he went over initially. It sounds like Tim almost cries when he says this part. Maybe it was just unexpected inflection, but it sounds like a cry voice. Tim concludes that he believes that the playing field is now even. Also, he gives some lip service to how Project Runway is nothing without its purpose of seriousness and what have you. Jeffrey's still crying and his tattoos are totally running. Oh, that's just how they looked in the first place. YOU'VE WON THIS ROUND, SEBELIA!
One last thing, though: I believe Jeffrey said something about putting together is Cosa Nostril collection at the same time that he was working on his Fashion Week line. So, couldn't he have had some of the people (and why else would you have a studio that ridiculously large if it weren't to have multiple people working there? The acoustics?) who were working on the other line help him with Fashion Week stuff? Maybe that's legal. Seems unfair, though. I'm just saying, it's not like accusing Jeffrey of stealing kidneys to wonder if all of his construction was above the board.
As Jeffrey starts to compose himself, Laura offers her hand and says, "I'll meet you on the runway." Then Uli says something that for the life of me I can't really make out. "Thank you, Laura, for solving that?" "For softening him?" "For sodomites?" Fucking foreigner.
Jeffrey interviews that things worked out perfectly. On the little kick-ass terrace outside of their workroom, Uli says that he's "all softie inside." Then she tells Laura that she "won" for making Jeffrey cry. Laura says that she didn't want to make him cry. In fact, she was whispering, "Don't cry, Jeffrey," when Tim was giving his announcement. She interviews that she never wanted Jeffrey to not be able to show his line at Fashion Week. What did you want, then? Whatever, Laura. Don't lose those balls now, lady. She says that the final solution was a great compromise, so I guess that's what she wanted. I'd have settled for him not showing. But, on top of being a coward, I'm also a really bad loser. It's so ugly.
Everybody gets back to work. Michael and Uli both interview that they are very happy with their collections. Jeffrey decides to ditch the blonde wigs that his models were going to use. That will bring him in under budget. He made a denim skirt to replace the bubble shorts, but he remembered that he had these leather jeans? These "extra" leather jeans? That he'd forgotten about? Well, now he's going to use them in the show. Don't even get me started.
, Tim Gunn enters and this is, at once, the most amazingly earnest and purely campy moment I've ever witnessed on reality television. He calls all of the designers together. He mentions that this is their last "gather 'round" and Laura says, "Well, make it a good one, Tim." Then it's beautiful. Tim says that he has to compose himself, which I'm not even sure that the designers believe. I think they think he's pulling an "I'm all verklempt." But then he tucks his little fist under his chin, cocks it up and says breathily (I love you Tim Gunn!!!), "You're going to Olympus Fashion Week. It's... incredibly thrilling." Armies just threw down their weapons, because that was the gayest, most joyous moment I've spent with my television since Matthew Perry died on that episode of Growing Pains. Seriously, I might just stop writing this recap. IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT, PEOPLE. But we'll continue, because... that's what we do. I just said that real breathily like Tim Gunn would. With my fist under my chin. He tells them all that he's very proud of them. They're all winners in his book. Then they share a group hug. Burn that in your minds, everyone. If your car stalls in the middle of a huge snow bank and there's no way out? That memory just might be enough to keep you alive until spring. I wouldn't just sit around expecting that; I'm just saying. You know, it might help a little. Don't just sit there, though. Do something.
The morning, they're all ready at 4:15. Jeffrey says that it's the most important day of his life and he has only had two hours of sleep. Dare I say that I think Jeffrey just had his cutest moment? He looks sort of adorable when he's really tired like that. Laura says as she's fixing her hair that she's glad Jeffrey's showing, because she wants to beat him on the runway, not in the accountant's office.
At Bryant Park, they walk into the empty tent where their show will be. Everyone's kind of in awe. Michael says that he used to watch the Fashion Week shows from home as a kid. All of the chairs have gift bags in them, with a copy of Elle poking out. Jeffrey is wearing pedal-pushers. He says that he wants to prove that he belongs at Bryant Park.
With two hours to go before the show begins, there's madness backstage. Everybody's making decisions and there's lots of hustle and bustle. Michael remarks that you only have one opportunity like this, so everything has to be perfect.
As the show gets closer, we start to see some of the eliminated designers arriving for the show, including Alison, Katie, and Angela. Everyone's families are in the front row. Michael tells all of his models backstage that they look "hot," and he's really excited.
Everyone seems prepared. And the show begins. Heidi enters the runway and greets the audience. She introduces Michael Kors and Nina Garcia (Chloe Dao is sitting to her). The guest judge is Fern Mallis, the creator of Olympus Fashion Week. Then Heidi introduces Jeffrey.
Jeffrey enters the runway in his pedal-pushers and a sleeveless tee and jumps up and down to show how excited he is. He's so punk rock. He says that he's very happy his family is there. He sees that baby Harrison is upset and says that he's "crying... with glee." Sounds like someone may have a future as an emcee at the Peanut Gallery Comedy Club. If this whole fashion thing doesn't work out. He tells everyone that he hopes that they love his collection as much as he does. And the show begins.
The first dress is a sundress with a shredded asymmetrical skirt. It's a red fabric with white polka dots on it. There are also some pure red panels. It's a lot like his other stuff. The design uses the same polka dotted fabric. It's a square-cut swimsuit with a plunging neckline. There's a transparent jacket over the suit. The suit is really cute and the jacket is a nicely made touch. is a baby doll dress in the same polka dotted fabric. It's high-waisted with a layer of transparent fabric over the polka dots; it kind of pulls the fabric of the jacket that was just on the runway into this design. is a girl in white jeans and a long-sleeved, stomach-baring shirt of red-checked fabric. There are long strips of fabric that hang from the blouse in rings. Eh. The sleeves fit asymmetrically, which looks pretty cool. is halter dress that is split down the middle. Half is red and black striped. The other is black and white striped. It's really beautiful. The skirt has some asymmetrical layers to it. It's really lovely. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is sitting to Daniel Vosovic. I'm sorry, Danny. She looks cute, though.
, we see a couple of punk outfits. Then a lovely short cocktail dress. A couple of missteps follow. First, this high-waisted midnight blue concoction that looks oddly Mama's Family. And that's not a good thing, which I believe is the first time that can be said in connection with anything that Vicki Lawrence has touched. Following that is one of Uli's models who has mistakenly made it into Jeffrey's show. ... Oh, wait, it's just Jeffrey's version of a long flow-y halter dress, ala Uli. He's not very good at it. This weird slit in the front seriously makes the models legs look elephantitis-stricken. Sorry, model.
He makes up for it with some hot white leather jeans and a silver slip top. On top is a beautifully fitted blazer. It's edgy, but sexy and feminine. Vicki would totally die for that shit. Marilinda finishes the show in this really beautiful green and silver striped dress. It's asymmetrical with lots of volume and looks edgy and lovely at the same time. Is it just me, or is his entire collection inspired by Vicki Lawrence? Jeffrey comes out to applause. Okay, Robert Verdi is sitting to Jeffrey's family and he's not even clapping. What an ass.
Uli comes out immediately after Jeffrey leaves. She says how thankful she is for the experience of Project Runway, and repeats her thing about coming to America with a dream. Then her show begins.
The first dress has a definite safari feel to it. There's a round metallic collar with an earth-toned print dress attached. Very flow-y and Uli-like. is another earth-toned wrap dress with a thick silver belt. It has sort of an '80s feel, in a good way. Following that is a halter dress with a high collar. The top is silver and it has a thin cut-out along the cleavage. The bottom of the dress is tan. Several pretty party dresses follow, in silver. This stuff is fucking gorgeous. Amanda, the model, enters. She's wearing some dark green short-shorts and a silver top that is t-backed and shows a lot of the back. It's just beautiful.
Uli interviews that she loves her collection and wouldn't have changed a thing. Several more dresses follow, all draped beautifully. There's some lovely pleating action going on too. Bitch better have receipts, or... nothing will happen to her.
Finally, we get a crazy print. It's a long, blue dress of a psychedelic print. is another print, this one a crazy yellow and black. Wait -- in a virtuosic flourish, the model reveals that she's actually wearing a bikini and wrap. The audience applauds. A couple more long flow-y print gowns follow. The last is Nazri, in a beautiful green print. Her back is bare and lovely. The neck is high and there's some lovely draping going on. Uli comes out to a lot of applause. Some German-looking guy on the front row blows her a kiss.
Laura enters and cracks a joke about how she "made it big in the fashion world" because she's big and pregnant and in the fashion world. Then her show begins. The first number is a tan turtleneck dress. Very simple, except for some lovely beading along the hem and ends of the sleeves. is a high-waisted cocktail number, silver with a black belt. Very feminine. Laura interviews that her collection is intended to send a message to American women that they can be glamorous. She thinks that you can make your life better with fashion. Lots of lovely dresses follow. She has one little short-shorts look, with a décolletage-revealing jacket on top. On the jacket is a huge lace flower. It's kind of cool. I'm not sure who would wear it, but it's cool. And, I mean, I don't know the age of the person that would wear that. She gets applause for this pants-and-lace-dress ensemble that I kind of love. It's very Pillow Talk. is a long dress, black lace over white. A black feather shrug tops it off. This is a mistake. It's not ugly, but the judges have seen almost the exact same dress from her. You can stick with your style without repeating yourself. is another black lace dress with a feathered skirt. More applause. The crowd seems to really like her stuff. It all certainly looks PERFECTLY made. More black dresses. A slim slacks look with a sternum-baring top gets applause, and it is tailored to perfection. Finally, Camilla enters in a long grey dress with amazing beading and a chartreuse belt. There are also chartreuse beads around the belt, giving it the appearance of melting into the grey. Really beautiful. Laura gets huge applause when she comes out. Backstage, she gets a kiss from Tim.
Michael enters to a lot of -- nay, the most -- applause. He says that his collection is "Street Safari." It's about a "sexy, secure, sophisticated" woman. Somebody steal his thesaurus, please. Brandy is sitting in the audience and is clearly enamored of Mr. Knight.
His show begins with Fantasia Barrino, or at least it looks like her. It's a white dress with a collar that is opened and has a corset tie. No. This is no. is a blousy white wrap top over short-shorts. That looks kind of cute. But then more corseted cleavages come down the runway. No again. Stop it, Michael. A see-through top and white pants. The fit is beautiful, but it still looks kind of trashy. A high-waisted green dress that makes the model look pregnant. What is happening? This looks just like the stuff he showed in his portfolio. More trashy dresses. A tangerine-colored skirt and belly-baring top. That's probably the single worst outfit to show at Bryant Park this year. It's probably not even interesting to trashy people. It's too trashy for trash. Oh my god, here comes a hot pink shorts jumpsuit. Yes, with a corseted collar. That is not cute! Why does he think that's cute? Stop it with the pirates, Michael! is a gold bathing suit with cutouts on the side, and I swear he showed practically the same thing in his portfolio. A short, belted print dress comes down the runway. It's pretty cute, but soon the memory is erased by another trashy swimsuit.
Lastly, Clarissa enters. She's wearing a floor-length gown with a beaded round collar. There's a cutout below the collar and the back is bare. This was kind of a disaster. Michael still gets huge applause, which he deserves for being so darn sweet.
Brandy thinks Michael's collection was the best, which is totally a surprise to me. Chloe says, "Sorry, Michael," but she thinks Uli's collection was best. Lisa Capparelli, VP of L'Oreal Paris, likes Laura. Some guy says that he liked Uli today, but has liked Michael over the course of the show. Raymundo Baltazar, from Season 2, says that he liked Laura best. Nods of agreement come from Malan, and Nora from Season 1. Katherine Ross, Senior VP of Communications for LVMH, goes with Jeffrey. Kayne of Many Colors (and increasingly fewer pounds) and Katie think that Uli was the best.
So, the judges are confabulating. They think that show was a smashing success. The designers enter the runway. They start with Laura. She says that she wanted to make romantic, luxurious eveningwear. Heidi says that it looked very expensive and Michael Kors concurs, saying it looked like it was made for $30,000, instead of $8,000. He asks her about the beading on the gown that Camilla is wearing, and Laura says she did it over the course of the time that she was home. Michael says there was nothing surprising about her collection. Nina says that Laura knew they would be judging her from that angle as well, so why didn't she try to surprise them? Fern stands up for my girl. She thinks it's fine that Laura has a very focused point of view. In fact, it may just be extraordinary.
Michael says that he found himself as a designer during the course of the show. That, somehow, led him to his "Street Safari" idea, along with a 1970s influence. Fern remarked that he was greeted by the most applause at the show, but his collection didn't match that. Michael Kors thinks that he went over the top. Nina notes that he showed a range of styles for different occasions.
Jeffrey says that his inspiration was Japanese fairy tales and demons. Does Hello Kitty qualify as a Japanese demon? Just wondering. Fern compliments the dress Marilinda is wearing. There are "a lot of ideas" at work in the dress, which gets a chuckle from Jeffrey. Michael Kors says that Jeffrey dressed his girl at every juncture in her life -- party, movies, work. Which was the rehab look? ... That's right, I made fun of addiction. Jeffrey says he wanted to show a range without looking "schizophrenic." Fern didn't like the Uli dress or the Vicki Lawrence dress. To her, this proves that his sportier stuff is his strength.
Uli says that she wanted to prove she could work with something besides crazy colors. Nina's in love. She tells Uli that her clothes are beautiful and buyable. Heidi says that she would wear every item in Uli's collection. Unfortunately, after some of the get-ups Heidi's sported this season, that's questionable praise. Michael Kors thought that Uli's dresses were beautiful, but he didn't feel like the color palette was cohesive or "told a story." The goddamn story thing gets on my nerves. Does a person who wears crazy prints ONLY wear crazy prints? Don't put a sassy girl in a box, Michael Kors! Uli says she considered throwing out all of the colors in her collection and just working with the nudes. She wonders if she should maybe move to New York, but Fern tells her that the resort market is huge. Don't change a thing, baby. She loves Uli's inspiration.
The designers leave the runway. Michael Kors says that Uli's clothes are the kind that women love. Fern thinks she's passionate. Heidi thinks that Jeffrey is the most innovative. Everyone agrees. They hate his Uli gown, though. They don't give a rat's ass about him going over budget. Michael thinks the craftsmanship in Laura's work is impeccable. Fern thinks it's remarkable that Laura hasn't ever made clothes for anyone but herself. Nina's the killjoy; she's not sure that Laura's innovative. Michael Kors doesn't think that Michael's collection showed a lot of taste. Heidi also thinks that his stuff looked like his portfolio. Fern tries to be nice and says that "Street Safari" was a good idea. I like Fern.
They will clearly all have a career in fashion, says Fern. In fact, Nina tells a story about how someone wanted to get in touch with Uli at the show. Not sure if that was a stalker or an investor.
The designers return to the stage. Heidi says that the decision was really hard, and they are very proud of all of them. She tells Michael that they believe in him, but he needs to mature. He's auf'd. And he doesn't get a kiss. He goes backstage. He interviews that he's going to take the world by storm.
, she calls Laura. Damn. Heidi says her collection was exquisitely crafted, but too limited. She's out. Laura flashes a huge smile, thanks them, wishes Uli and Jeffrey luck, and walks offstage. She interviews that she accomplished everything she wanted with this experience and is "at peace" with the judges' decision. The mannequins are like, "You want we should rub that Nina bitch out?" She gets a big hug from her husband backstage. She tells us that "it's all just beginning."
Uli and Jeffrey hug onstage. Heidi tells Jeffrey that he showed a lot of range. She tells Uli that every woman would want to wear her collection. Wow, that sounds pretty clear-cut. And the winner is... Jeffrey. They think he's innovative and they want to see more from him. He seems stunned.
Uli gets a kiss from Heidi and goes backstage. She interviews that she is very happy for Jeffrey. Things happen for a reason and blah blah blah. She says that the show is the best thing she has ever done.
Onstage, Jeffrey gets a hug from Heidi. He's really floored. Marilinda comes onstage. She interviews that she's a winner too -- "America, here I come!" Jeffrey interviews that he's in shock. His family comes out to congratulate him. Fern Mallis is crying for him, which I think is beautiful. Jeffrey shares a little moment with Tim where he says he can't believe that it's all happening. Tim assures him that it is, and hugs him. Then Jeffrey offers this chestnut: "It's all just bunch of vibrations. It can be anything you want it to be. Just don't take it all so seriously." That really encapsulates his demeanor, I'd say. He's so light-hearted, he sort of just floats. Well, good for damn Jeffrey. You've got to respect the accomplishment.
So, here we are, the end of another season. Cheers to all of you who have read, including the bad-ass insights from all of you posters. Nina Garcia would be reduced to a pile of hair and glitter in your presence.