On the plus side, Laura won her first challenge! The design challenge was to create a cocktail dress using only black and white fabric. Doesn't sound like the Project Runway we're getting to know, does it? I mean, a challenge that's about design and fashion and stuff? Well, relax, because they also brought back Angela and Vincent for one more challenge. If they won the challenge, they'd get to stay. But even second place meant that they would go home again. Whew! Without some unnecessary non-fashion-related drama, I could have had some sort of psychic fracture. Naturally, neither Vincent nor Angela won the challenge. So, they're gone again. Also gone, sadly, is our Kayne of So Many Crazy Colors. He tried to stretch, but it was too little, too late. Or rather, too much, too late. But Laura made a dress that was young, yet retained that Laura cool. So, yay!
Oh, and the minus sideâ¦really, you have over a dozen designers and you bring back ANGELA AND VINCENT? Malan and Alison have got to be questioning their karma or luck or Mob connections right about now.
Previously: Instead of touring Paris, the designers were required to finish a couture gown in two days. Jeffrey managed to win his second challenge in a row, while crazy Vincent was finally, FINALLY sent (to his hopefully padded and medicated) home.
It's a whole new world at the Atlas Apartments. Unlock the knife drawer, Vincent is gone! Jeffrey remarks that it is the end of an era, and Kayne of Many Colors says that Vincent will definitely be missed. With the pleasantries out of the way, Michael reminds them that they are down to the final five. It's so reality-show-speak to do that countdown thing -- not that I blame Michael, for he is on a reality show. It makes sense that he'd use the -speak. It's just kind of silly to have a whole language, since the experience on any of these shows usually doesn't last more than a month. I wish someone would make fun of it a little. Like, after the first challenge, if someone had said, "It's the final eleven!" That would've been a gut-buster. I don't know, just throwing that out there.
KoMC interviews that he thinks that the final five are the most talented of the original group. No offense to Robert Best, I'm assuming. I think he may mean "the most talented of the final seven."
In the girls' apartment, Uli and Laura are sitting on a bed together. Laura is recounting for Uli how she was thisclose to being eliminated. And a "thanks" to whoever first used "thisclose" in writing. I find it immeasurably evocative and I love it. You've given the world a big gift. Uli tells Laura that Vincent was always going to be the designer who was eliminated for that challenge, or "Vincent was always in the losers' gang."
Laura interviews that the judges ripped her a new one during the last runway show. She is very excited to have made it this far and really wants to make it to the final three. She's getting so pregnant.
On the runway, Heidi tells the designers that she is not going to tell them about their challenge. One of these days, Heidi Klum Seal, somebody's going to get a little bit tired of your silly twists and turns. Watch your back. She tells them that they're going to hear about their challenge at another one of these blasted Project Runway "parties," this one hosted by L'Oreal Paris, where I'm sure there will be some purely perfunctory and utterly un-festive champagne toast. You've got an alcoholic and a pregnant woman in a party of five. Ease up on the champagne toasts, Project Runway. Heidi adds that there will be some "...special guests" (pause Heidi's) that will be important to the challenge.
Jeffrey says that he has "mixed emotions" about the party, because he thinks it's going to be a trap and none of the parties that they've had are ever really parties. That's a mixture of bad emotion and worse emotion, I guess. Despite his dangling use of "mixed emotions," there was something a little bit charming about our asshole Jeffrey Sebelia just then. I'm not gonna dig too deep as to why that was charming or whether it will ever happen again. I'm just going to let it flow over me for a second like hydrogen peroxide over a nasty cut. It cleanses, and it's kind of neat to watch it bubble and shit, but don't get too excited. I mean, you have a nasty cut, what are you getting excited about? Have some fucking perspective, man.
That evening, the designers, wearing the same clothing they had on before -- so I guess they don't need to impress anyone at this party -- enter The Pink Elephant, a NYC nightclub. There's no one else in the club. Some party. But there's champagne. I know -- you guys should have a toast! They do. Michael toasts to the final five, and Jeffrey appears to have filled his flute with water. Laura is imbibing, which I hear isn't too bad for the babies if done in moderation. Then why can't babies drink champagne? That whole rule needs to be thought through a little more, I think.
They all try to figure out who the "special" guests will be, and Kayne of Many Colors and No Answers Involving Relevant, Existing Music Supergroups suggests Destiny's Child. I hope he's joking; otherwise I'm enraged and I don't even know why.
Heidi arrives at their "party." She's also wearing the same thing she was wearing on the runway. I'm not certain why all of this couldn't have happened at Parsons. I guess someone felt like there needed to be a party atmosphere. Well, I'm not sure the black-hole silence and totally empty nightclub with full overhead lighting was the way to go. It feels more like they're at a murder-mystery dinner theatre.
Heidi is going to introduce the two special guests before she tells everybody about the challenge. The first one enters, and we only see the designers' reaction. They all start laughing. It's Vincent. As guests go, I certainly would classify Vincent as "special." That, and "unwanted." He appears in good humor, though, and barely avoids falling down the stairs -- God, if that had been Lindsay Lohan, she'd be in a full body cast. GET SOME TRACTION FLOWERS ON THOSE STAIRS, PINK ELEPHANT! We've saved countless grannies with them. Now it's time for us to dig deep and start looking out for our NYC nightclub revelers. Anyway, Vincent positions himself to Heidi, which I'm sure concurrently gets him off and turns him on. Uli says, "A real person," which may be the nicest compliment Vincent ever gets. I'm sure she meant "Not a celebrity," but he doesn't know that. He says, "All my buddies!" which is kind of sweet, even though he seems absolutely fucking unhinged when he says it.
Laura interviews that the designers knew that something was "wrong." The mannequins are like, "We got your back, girl." Vincent doesn't know why he's there, and Heidi isn't telling him anything. First, she's going to bring out the second "guest."
It's Angela. Of course it's Angela. And thank you, Jesus -- she's wearing one of those ridiculous Jubilee Jumbles skirts. In the words of Julia Roberts as she was about to hand Denzel Washington his Academy Award for Malcolm X...because, come on, no one was ever going to win an Oscar for Training Day. It's called a make-up. Like Al Pacino winning for Scent of a Woman. So anyway, Julia said, "I love my life." And I'm loving my life watching fucking Angela walk out with that ridiculous skirt on, mugging like Mary Pickford (her face is saying, "I have no idea why I'm here! This may be just a touch beneath me"). There's something just so perfect about it. Everyone just looks kind of stunned and giggly. And I take back what I said about Training Day. Ethan Hawke? In that scene where the bad guys are about to get romantic with him? He was outstanding. I feel in danger just thinking about it.
And...wait a second, Jeffrey makes the "special" joke about Angela. I'm stealing jokes from Jeffrey Sebelia. What ? Skin care tips from Michael Kors? I'm slipping here, people.
Heidi reminds everyone that, from the beginning of the competition, she said that winning a challenge would have special benefits. I actually don't remember her saying that until the episode where Jeffrey won for the first time, with the jet-setting outfit. Whatever. We can't be expected to understand everything she says. Anyway, since Jeffrey and Angela both won challenges, they are getting a chance to come back. Now everyone's dropping the happy giggly part. Kayne of Many Colors tosses back his entire glass of champagne. We hear him say, "Are you kidding me? These bitches get to come back? It's like cockroaches." You can't kill them.
Uli says that the "potty" was over when they heard that Angela and Vincent were back in the game. Wow, they're giving Angie and Vinnie a lot of credit. Heidi says that Angela or Vincent will have to win the challenge to stay, or they will automatically go home. And three people total are going home. So, if Angela or Vincent wins, two of the non-eliminated designers will also go home. Still not worried.
Angela interviews that this opportunity is "gravy." That's a pretty good attitude. Vincent is excited that he might still get to be in the final show.
Heidi tells them that, for the challenge, they will be making a cocktail outfit with only black and white fabrics. Also, all of the designers will be using the models that they used for the last challenge. Angela and Vincent will use the models that they had when they were eliminated.
Heidi leaves, and the models come in to make the empty club look more like a party. Michael interviews that no one is really in the mood to party, because they are freaked out about three people going home. Uli tells Lindsay that, if she goes home before Angela goes, she'll be really embarrassed. You know, I understand what she's saying. I mean, Angela's wearing that skirt. If I lost to someone in that skirt? I don't know. I'd become a shepherd or something. A spelunker. Something away from people.
Jeffrey interviews that the good news is... and he can't think of anything. Again, kind of charming. I wonder if he's just not as much of an asshole when he's winning.
Angela and her model, Clarissa, seem happy to see each other. I have to say, they have what has appeared to be an authentic friendship. Holy shit, there's a scroll across the screen -- "Teri Hatcher on Inside the Actors Studio." I just wrote, then deleted, about seventeen sentences that really can't capture the magnitude of the wrongness of that. One was about Lee Strasberg rolling over in his grave. One was about Stella Adler laughing somewhere about Lee Strasberg's school looking moronic. One was about James Lipton's fat ass. One about not being able to wait for the episode with Dane Cook. Nothing really works. Somebody hold me.
The day, Vincent tells KoMC that he's excited to make this "little cocktail number." Angela tells Laura that she really wants to be in the final three. Laura is not having it. She tells her that since Angela's win was a team win, it doesn't seem fair that she got to come back. Angela says, "Oh really?" in a super-casual way that I really don't believe. "I disagree." Laura says that Angela really didn't win the challenge on her own, and Angela counters that "in the fashion world" it is the design that matters, not the construction. First of all, check out the balls on that girl -- telling Laura about the "fashion world." Second, nice little passive-aggressive stab at Laura being more of a technician and less a designer. I will cut you, Angela. The producers do that for me, though, by showing footage of Laura reeling in Angela's rosette fantasies. And, uh, that would be designing. Laura interviews that she and Michael carried a lot of weight during the challenge that Angela won. Angela tells Laura she knows that people like Jeffrey, who don't like her, will be saying things like that. "People will be thinking that," replies Laura. Damn, it just got chilly in the girls' room.
At Parsons, Tim explains that the show wants to make sure they have the correct final three designers. That's why they brought back the two most ridiculous designers of the entire season. Go Bravo. Tim says that, since they are all using the same colors, the focus of the challenge is the design and silhouette of the dresses. Also, they're going to focus on hair and make-up, because L'Oreal and Tresemmé gotta dance for Grandma. They have fifteen minutes to sketch, $100 for supplies, and one day to finish the design. Tim says that they're required to use both white and black for the design.
Kayne of Many Colors says he's going to try to edit himself for this challenge. Laura says she wants to make a young silhouette, but she is beginning to doubt herself. I think I may hear a little lump in her throat. Before they go to Mood, Tim adds one last thing: every bit of fabric that they purchase must be used in their designs. Jeffrey's all, "What the fuck?" For real, though.
Everybody freaks out because they can't buy extra fabric for safety. Uli's never seen a fucking print that she hasn't loved, has she? Anyway, she finds a black and white print. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, really. It just seems so...busy. Which, again, isn't wrong per se, just exhausting.
Back in the workroom, KoMC is still upset that they brought back two "heifers." Jeffrey wants to win a third challenge, because he thinks that his win in the last challenge "pissed everybody off." But God was really happy. Vincent accidentally bought too much fabric. He's toast.
Jeffrey says that he'd never wanted to see Angela again (she's in the sewing room when he says it). Uli says, "Jeffrey and Uli, you're out." Big laughs. Vincent says that everybody's getting nasty, and it's making him uncomfortable. Laura asks if he feels like they're being mean to him, but he doesn't really answer. He just says that he's seeing people's true colors and he doesn't like them.
Michael and KoMC have a moment where Michael tells him that he's going overboard with his design. He likens it to a whore's uniform. Wow. It's nice, though, that he's taking the time. Unfortunately, KoMC's real problem in this competition is that he's not very good at switching gears. If his original idea isn't a winner, he's in trouble.
We see Laura fitting Camilla into her dress. Camilla suggests that they do some things to make it look younger. Laura accepts the criticism and notes that they were both surprised to get criticized so harshly during the couture challenge. Laura says that she has no idea what to expect from the judges and is just going to try to do what she does well.
Collier Strong is back! He's going to help L'Oreal get its money's worth -- oops, I mean, "help the designers with their styling." He works with each designer and model to develop a look. It's all fairly rote, except for Angela -- who decides on a Chinese opera look for the make-up.
Tim talks to the designers in the workroom. He likes Uli's dress, but she has had to make this giant sock monkey necklace with her excess fabric. Tim has no sympathy for Vincent's extra fabric situation. Jeffrey tells Tim that he's going to make some tights for his look, and Tim suggests it might look cheap. Or "dressed down," as they say in polite talk.
There's no white on Kayne of Many Colors's dress, and Tim doesn't seem very positive about it. KoMC says that he's "banking on Jesus." Angela is making something from Phantom of the Opera. Tim thinks it's too ambitious.
Laura tells Tim that she's been broken by the last challenge. She sounds a little choked up and tells him that she can't exhaust herself trying to design for the Olsen twins. I've tried, Laura, and you're right, it's not worth it. Those elfin bitches don't appreciate a perfect stranger designing for them. In any interview, Laura is full-on crying. She says that her self-doubt is coming out. She was shaken by the judges' reaction to her last design, and now she's confused. She cries that she wanted to make a life/career change, but now all of this has become too exhausting. I find this moment very relatable. Sometimes trying to be honest with yourself can be freaking draining. Tim tells her he trusts that she will figure it out.
Vincent decides to make a big scarf with his leftover fabric. I smell a win!
The day, Laura wakes up to a video message on her cell phone from her husband and rugrats. It perks her up. KoMC. Shirt. Off. No. Kudos to him for the weight loss and all, but... still.
At the workroom, Tim reminds everyone that they have to use all of their fabric. Then he tells Vincent that his model, Jia, has had an accident. She'll have to do the runway in a wheelchair. Just kidding! She's dead. Just kidding again! No, she really is dead. Just -- no, for real, she got hit by a bus, but she's going to be fine. We see shots of Jia, reminiscent of when someone kicks it on a soap opera. Vincent seems half concerned about Jia, half for himself. Make that 30/70. Javi, Jeffrey's first model, will be coming in for Vincent. As luck would have it, Javi is enormous, and suddenly, his dress doesn't fit.
KoMC says that Jeffrey's outfit looks "costume-y and cheap." Damn. Coming from him, that's not good. Laura seems more confident. Vincent breaks the zipper on his big fat Javi. Everybody, for the most part, uses their scraps in a handbag, which seems like cheating, but good for them. That was a stupid part of the challenge anyway.
On the runway, Heidi introduces the judges. They are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and Zac Posen, who I swear to all that is holy I beat in a dance-off about four years ago. Epic. He seems kind bitchy on the dance floor, but he's a fox.
The show begins. Angela's dress is first. It seems kind of original, but forced. It's a baby-doll slip dress with this stiff, high collared shrug. The shrug is lined with a million white fleurchons (which has effectively worked its way into my lexicon -- well done, Jubilee Jumbles). Angela loves the silhouette. Again, it doesn't seem too wearable, but it's interesting. I'm not really seeing anything "Chinese opera" about Clarissa's make-up, though.
Kayne of Many Colors's dress is . From the front, it's a plain black jersey dress with mid-length sleeves and a high neckline. From the back, it's backless with white ribbon and netting. It makes the middle of her back look like a trampoline, which seems horrific. KoMC says that he feels fine about his dress having barely any white in it.
up is Camilla in Laura's dress. It's cute. It's a minidress with cap sleeves, with a fair amount of décolletage. The fabric is black lace on white and, at the bottom of the dress, feathers are attached. There aren't enough feathers to change the silhouette, just enough to create the desired effect. Laura says it's very Josephine Baker -- 1920s. Okay. I'll take her word for that.
Michael's is . It's a white jersey dress that fits loosely at the shoulders, so one of the straps is off the shoulder. It's really fitted throughout, and there's a thick black belt at the waist. The belt has some flowers glued to it. Sounds like somebody picked up a thing or three from our girl Angela. The styling is really good. Nazri looks a little like Beyoncé, with big dramatic hair and huge earrings. Michael thinks his dress is good, because he made the only white one.
Here we have Jeffrey's wreck -- I mean, "outfit." It's a mixture of Hee Haw and Flashdance. The top is a white, off-the-shoulder ruffle blouse, with some sort of tank top beneath it. It's matched with a micro-mini black-and-white checkered skirt. And thigh-high black leather leggings. She looks like she'd be a huge hit at a cocktail party. Minus the "tail." Jeffrey thinks it's a very sexy, hip outfit.
Uli's dress is . It's a short, strapless dress. Except she also has sleeves that are flow-y and extend the length of the dress. Plus, there's that big tumor-looking necklace. I know it's an interesting silhouette, but I think this dress is busted.
Javi comes out in Vincent's dress. It is far too small for her. It looks trashy, but with kind of matronly sewing on it. Weird. Plus, the scarf thing he made is like twice the size of the dress. It's all weird. Vincent acknowledges the wrongness of it all.
After the designs have been scored, the models return. They start the questioning with Michael. He says he was looking for something sexy, sensual, and edgy. Zac loves it. He thinks it's chic. Nina loves the styling. Michael reveals that he stuck the extra fabric in Nazri's handbag.
Nina hates the proportion of Vincent's dress. It makes the dress look cheap. They think he could have added the shawl to the bottom of his dress.
Michael hates Uli's necklace. Uli does too, but she says she had to do something with the extra fabric. Nina doesn't like the length of the sleeves. Uli pulls them up a little, and everyone likes them more. Zac thinks shorter sleeves look more delicate. He seems really engaged; I like that.
Zac thinks that Angela's dress is overwhelming. Nina thinks it's unrealistic that someone would wear it to a cocktail party. They give her shit for stuffing her bag with the extra fabric instead of actually using it. Michael says that Jeffrey's outfit doesn't look chic. Zac thinks that he could have been edgier and more elegant. Snap. Nina gently suggests that Jeffrey might want to try to do something besides his punky-L.A. shtick. It's funny that no one's talked about the sameness of his designs yet.
Laura made a bag with her extra fabric. She sounds defeated as she's explaining it. Michael Kors loves the dress. He thinks it's chic, yet a hell of a lot more youthful than her other stuff. She says she worked really hard on it. Zac says that the dress could be sold right now. Heidi likes that the feathers aren't overwhelming. Nina says that it's a point of view they haven't seen from Laura.
KoMC says that he was trying to show that he could edit. Zac loves the front of the dress, but hates the white ribbon in the back. Nina likes that he tried to stretch, but she's not happy with the results.
The judges collaborate. Michael thinks Angela's shrug looked like it was made for a vampire. They love Michael Knight's presentation. Nina says there's "no excuse" for the proportions of Vincent's dress. Um, there is actually an excuse, isn't there? I mean, his model died, for Christ's sake. I know this is a chance they didn't even have to give him, but -- there IS an excuse. Right? I don't know. Why couldn't they find a model with similar proportions? Nina thinks that Jeffrey should introduce a "luxury element" to his designs. Michael feels like he only gets Gwen Stefani from Jeffrey. His shit is bananas.
Zac likes the "ease" of Uli's dress. Nina wants to know if they're going to see anything else from her. Then Michael mocks Uli's accent and how she's always mentioning wearing her designs in warm weather. Nina gets a kick out of the impression. Heidi? Not so amused. Nina feels like KoMC listened to their criticism from before, but he still has a long way to go. Michael is just glad the dress didn't look like Elvis. Zac points out that our Kayne of Absence and Presence of All Colors For This Challenge is still getting to know who he is as a designer.
They love Laura's dress. Zac thinks it looked really expensive. Nina says she finally designed for someone besides herself. They're done talking. Now some heads are gonna roll.
The winner is announced. It's Laura! She's thrilled, but she's not immune for the challenge. Michael Knight whispers, "Congratulations." She says, "Thanks, honey," and walks offstage. She interviews that she's getting her second wind.
Angela is once again "out." She interviews that she has loved and hated every second of the competition. Okay. Vincent is also "out" again. He says that he will make beautiful music, he's so good at it, it's a gift. I know. Crazy. Michael is "in." Uli is "in."
So it's down to KoMC and Jeffrey. Heidi says that our Kayne of Many Colors has stretched himself, but they wonder about his taste level. She tells Jeffrey that he's all edge, no elegance. KoMC is the one who's "out." Jeffrey hugs him as he leaves the runway. Uli hugs Jeffrey backstage and says "Yes, rock star!"
Kayne of Many Colors thanks all of the judges for the opportunity and walks backstage. He interviews that he really wants to have a clothing line and not be a seamstress forever. Everyone hugs him backstage. Uli calls him their "sunshine." KoMC says that he's not really a bitch; he just plays one on TV. And Joan Collins farts dust, that joke is so old. On his losing design, in the workroom, he pins what looks like a really long note. We hear him say that he's ready for his career to be in the fast lane. Good luck, Kayne of Many Colors. You have been an absolute blast. You're funny and talented, and I'm sure we'll see much more from you.
Update: Jia has made a full recovery. More importantly, she's still modeling.