In the Can


Episode Report Card Jeff Long: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT In the Can

By Jeff Long | Season AS2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.08.2012

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The designers have to go to Long Island City and learn how to make graffiti art. Then, they have to make graffiti print that they have to use for a garment. They only even get a few minutes at Mood and 50 dollars. Laura Kathleen has alienated everyone by being a stupid big mouth. She feels it too. There’s a moment where Kayne of Many Colors tells Ivy that LK is always talking about her granny took her to expensive department stores and gave her tons of jewelry then cried and said something like, “I must have been a saint in a former life because I’ve been given so much in this one.” That sounds familiar, but I don’t know if I was as annoyed by it before. That’s a crazy thing to say though.

Everyone LOVES to criticize the other designers in this one. LK talks about how Althea stole her color story. She also thinks that Andrae’s look is gross. Emilio hates Rayon’s work. Joshua thinks that Ivy is repeating herself with her jacket from the first challenge. Rayon, of course, has plenty of nice things to say about Rayon, but that’s only to be expected. When the models come in for their fittings, several of the designers have to make huge alterations.

Uli makes a joke about how someone wearing aerosol can apparel would go up in flames at a club. Ivy is starting to get a lot credit from her fellow designers. Anthony Ryan too is kind of inching forward as the one to beat. We finally learn the name of the hot make-up daddy! It’s Scott Patric. Cyberstalk in good health.

On the runway, Carolyn is wearing something graffiti-inspired. The guest judges are Jeffrey Costello and Robert Tagliapietra, fashion designers who are apparently favorites of Anna Wintour’s. AND, they look like gay Swedish lumberjacks and it’s so freaking amazing that I might have to do that. Seriously, 2013? Welcome to your time with me. It’s going to look like Jeffrey Costello and Robert Tagliapietra. I’m not even kidding except for just a little bit. Anyway, my heroes make clothes that are graffiti-inspired, the idea being that the clothes should look great in both a runway and an art gallery.

The show begins and it’s really interesting. The silhouettes are wild to match the wild prints. I have to say, his aesthetic is not mine, but Kayne of Many Colors makes a strong impression. LK almost shows her models tootie. Anthony Ryan’s dress is actually fantastic. You know, these guys didn’t fuck this up as much as I thought they would. I’m not wild about Emilio’s colors, but it’s so well made. Rayon’s is a little off, but it’s hard to put a finger on. Ivy does another translucent skirt. Joshua’s is maybe my least favorite.

Anthony Ryan, Emilio and Ivy are in the top. Kayne of Many Colors (don’t actually agree with that), Rayon and LK are in the bottom. Emilio wins the challenge! LK is safe. That means Kayne of Many Colors and Rayon are in the bottom. Rayon is eliminated and Carolyn is so sweet to him that I almost thought she would cry. He calls himself “daddy cat” on his way out and I died. I’m dead now.

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Previously: The designers create disco-inspired looks to complement some shoes. Uli won the challenge with a completely un-disco look, but hey. Wendy Pepper was able to successfully redeem herself for her crappy earlier behavior, though she was unable to make an outfit that didn't get her eliminated.

The designers are in Long Island City, which is right over the East River in Queens. Rayon tells us that they approach a giant wall covered in "aerosol art." I know that's what I call graffiti. I'm really happy that the rest of the world appears ready to open their minds a little and give aerosol art the real credit that it deserves. How dare you call that spray paint? How dare you, sir. Carolyn greets the designers just as they notice that part of the wall is decorated with the title of the show Project Runway: All-Stars. She jokes that she painted the wall, then retracts. She says that they are standing at the largest collection of legal aerosol art. I still feel the need to put quotation marks around that but I'm not going to. She let's us know that they arcane name for aerosol art is graffiti. Thanks for that. The stuff that they show is all really cool though. I don't take away from the quality, but, let's be real, talented or not the majority of the graffiti artists make their mark without permission. Are they really going to be all, "This word 'graffitè,' I find it offensive. Think of something else to call me."

Carolyn points out three different aerosol artistes who are making something on the walls. They are apparently the best in the world and have collaborated with Louis Vuitton, Missy Elliot and Robert DeNiro. There's some sort of powerful vortex in the center of a Missy/Bobby/LV triangle. When they stand close to each other, anything with a trucker hat or ironic tee is sucked into the ether and gone forever. Rayon has obviously never been near them when this happened, nor has Ashton Kutcher.

Now, the designers will be working with the graffiti people. Joshua seems forced to say that he's excited that their challenge will be surrounded by aerosol art. Ivy thinks that this challenge may help her think outside of the box. Laura Kathleen says that she doesn't do graffiti, however she does like to spray paint old furniture. I've spent a lot of time thinking about why that is so obnoxious to me and the answer is every reason. Carolyn says that they will be creating their own patterns using... spray paint. Why that was a major reveal that required that she lift a black veil from a stack of crates of spray paint? Not sure. Rayon announces that "[his name] has never in his life held a can of spray paint, so this is going to me a MAJOR CHALLENGE." I mean, he's got to know, right? How ridiculous he sounds? Is he trying to join the circus after this? Be a clown? What's just bewildering and grotesque about Rayon is the utter earnestness of his delivery. Inside of him is a true commitment to presenting this...thing. Like, he has had conversations with himself and is like, "I mean, how am I going to stand out to the people at home? Rita from next door in this pay-by-the-week hotel where I live in Los Angeles, she used to hang out with Margot Kidder and Karen Black in the '70s and she says that you gotta have a gimmick if you want people to remember you. Which is why she has magenta hair even now and she's in her late '60s. It really makes an impact. She did like three episodes of Ve$as and says that she saw Robert Urich changing once and his tan lines are still in her spank bank. I mean, she's seen it all. So, that's why I'm working so hard on this incredibly current and modern look that I've got going and I'm also going to refer to myself in the third-person at every opportunity so that people know how seriously I take myself. Then, I'll look like the touched artist that I really am. These many bracelets alone make me sooo... wait, make that make Suede so freaking cool. Wait, make that coolorama." It's like, have a little fucking dignity, would you? He seems perfectly nice but I can't help but hate him a little for how dated his ideas about image and branding are. LOOK AROUND YOU! Some of these people are actually doing this correctly! Yes, you will be able to say that you hold the distinction of being the only person who refers to themselves by their own name or who has purple hair, but that's not something to be proud of. It's fucking embarrassing. Ugh. I want to say that Rayon should live in some second-tier metropolitan area where his thing would seem more original, but I don't want to insult even Tampa, at least not this way. Also, they have the internet in Tampa. It used to be that Rayon and his sort of dulled edge thing would seem a lot sharper in places the farther away from the cultural centers you got. But, now every kid in Fargo can crib the style of the coolest kids immediately. It's all online. So, put it all together and he's evil and must be destroyed.

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