Episode Report Card Sobell: A- | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Agent Kellerman -- Not Dead!
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.15.2009
Then, with an orchestral swell of music, Michael snaps in a chip, hands the hardware over to Okella, and boom! Scylla's on the screen. Okella says, "I'll make the call," and exits, stage left.
And that's it: Scylla has been handed over to the United Nations. In theory, the UN will then ... bury the technology in a trillion working committees for fifty years, so by the time it's implemented, another One World Conspiracy will have arisen from the ashes of the old, and a new generation of mad scientists will have come up with even more awesome technology. Or is that too cynical?
Anyway, Kellerman turns to Michael and says softly, "You did it. It's over." Then he vanishes, leaving Michael alone at the conference table. Michael rests his head in his bloodied hands for a moment, completely overwhelmed and alone.
Back at the loft, General Von Baldy's liberating himself from his handcuffs when four cops burst in, guns drawn. A detective asks, "Jonathan Kranz?" "General Jonathan Kranz," Von Baldy replies pissily. The detective's like, "Good luck enforcing rank in prison, sir" and cuffs Von Baldy again. I would love to know exactly what charges they're bringing him up on. Violating the building's code by flinging disgraced government agents from the balcony? Violating code by permitting escaped convicts to climb the walls? Violating code by torturing people at the breakfast bar?
Then we cut to Christina laying face-down in a pool of her own blood. A paramedic covers her with a sheet while the detectives snap photos and gather evidence. The sheet billows out and the screen's covered in white ...
Then we see time-lapse footage of Miami, so we can infer that a day or two has passed. We then see another conference room: Mahone, C-Note, Sucre, Dr. Sara and Linc are all seated around a table and a suit-clad Kellerman stands at its head. An anonymous man in a suit drops some triplicate forms in front of everyone, with some pens, and Kellerman exposits that once these forms are signed, "There will be some follow-up interviews, but this is it. Sign it, and you're free to go." Everyone eagerly sets to, except Michael and Dr. Sara -- both of them are looking very nonplussed at this most recent development. However, Michael clicks his pen and signs. One by one, the other guys do too. As orchestral music swells, we see: Michael and Linc hugging (by the way, Linc's shirt is open to, like, his navel and we see nary a bandage left from having been shot a few days ago); Sucre and C-Note hugging; Mahone staring out a window all broodily. Sucre asks if he can keep the pen, which is very sweet, but then he walks over to Michael and Michael is busy hugging Dr. Sara. So we are denied a Michael/Sucre moment and that is just wrong, my friends. Kellerman continues his "Surprise! I'm Santa!" tour by telling Mahone and Linc that their respective loved ones are no longer likely to get popped by whatever remains of the One World Conspiracy. Then he reminds everyone they have one last bit of business: "Bagwell, T-Bag ... claims he helped find Scylla. He was helpful here in Miami. He wants exoneration as well." Inexplicably, we cut to Lincoln and not, say, Dr. Sara or Michael. It's just as well, as I'd be busy shouting at the TV, "If you chumps had dropped the serial killer after his attempted rape of a pregnant lady, this wouldn't even be an issue." Kellerman than tells everyone they get to decide what happens to T-Bag.
We cut to Michael and Lincoln striding down the hall to the bench where two cops are babysitting the hand-and-stumpcuffed T-Bag. The batamweight pervert immediately says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 -- let's forgive each other, Michael, Lincoln. In God's name, 'cause there's too much pain. There's too much hate in our hearts." Hilariously, in the background, we hear the faint swells of organ music, as if we are but a chord or two away from a full-on gospel choir led by singing nun Whoopi Goldberg. Linc says, "We took a vote. You're in luck." T-Bag begins weeping in relief. Linc digs in his pocket and says, "What we voted on was whether or not you took a stick of gum on the van ride back to prison." He stuffs a stick of Juicyfruit in T-Bag's mouth and walks off. Michael lingers for one last glower (that would not have even been necessary if he had dropped T-Bag like FOX dropped this show back in the condo), but heads off before he has time to hear T-Bag screaming about how he hopes Michael and Linc rot in hell. So much for that forgiving one another thing, eh?
Then we cut to Michael and Dr. Sara waling on the beach together. Michael says, "I want you to know, I'm totally going to be a hands-on dad." Dr. Sara grins as she says, "Okay ..." and Michael adds, "Like, if the baby needs a bottle in the middle of the night, I will totally keep your side of the bed warm until you get back." Dr. Sara starts giggling. And I am all about rooting for these two again because this was the kind of season one chemistry that had me making regular visits to the Prison of Love. Michael and Dr. Sara then chat a little about how not-at-all-baby-literate they are, and Michael says, "We better get some baby books, because I plan on being the most overinformed dad in Chicago." Oh, it's all very amusing, and then it gets a little schmoopy with Dr. Sara facing Michael on the beach and beaming, "I'm happy right now." He whispers, "So am I," except Dr. Sara is no longer happy, because guess whose nose has started bleeding again? I suppose the same flexible space-time continuum laws that have powered the Prison Break universe for the last four seasons have also decreed that Michael and Dr. Sara are only allowed THIRTY SECONDS OF HAPPINESS PER SEASON ON AVERAGE. Michael and Dr. Sara soberly embrace and exchange "I love you's" and I would be lying if I didn't admit to being a little misty-eyed when watching. We transition to the waves breaking on the beach, one gray swell after another cresting ...
And then we transition to a big, bleached-gray building and the legend "FOUR YEARS LATER." Mahone seals a birthday card in an envelope, and shortly before he drops it in the mail, we see that a) it bears no return address (which is either creepy or annoying, depending on whether you're a stickler for form) and b) it's to "Pam Larson" of Chico, California. So she has moved on -- or taken back her maiden name. And then, as Mahone walks away from the mailbox, we see that he has too. He's hooked with Lang! And they're kissing! He's about to head out on a trip. Well, since Lang appears to be fond of renovation projects, perhaps she's also got something she can do around the house.
Then we cut to a surf shop on the shore somewhere, and Sofia and Linc are walking out, holding hands as they explain away LJ's total absence in the finale with the ol' "he had exams" excuse. Linc then hops in a jeep and promises to be back soon. Sofia watches him go, looking completely smitten. Aww!
Then we cut to Sucre entering a little girl's room. He drops his duffel on the ground and cuddles a small, preschool-aged girl. She is looking up at him, eyes utterly limpid with devotion. I don't blame her -- if Sucre's turning a blazing smile on anything with an XX chromosome set, they're in a puddle on the floor. Sucre promises, "Daddy's going to come back in two days, okay?" And then there's a gentle popping sound heard across the continent as the thousands of women watching this all ovulate spontaneously.
And THAT line of thought gets stopped in its tracks because we're now looking at a vegetative Don Self in some rest facility. And ... so what? I'd rather find out how Gretchen's doing.
Then "Lay It Down Slow" by Spiritualized begins playing, and we see a newspaper hit a well-manicured suburban lawn. A UPS guy steps out to pick it up, and we see that it's C-Note. He waves to a neighbor, then stands on his lawn, breathing deeply and turning his face to the sun. It's all very sweet but I'd love to read a h