Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's All Over But the Monologuing
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.15.2009
Mahone and Michael are hiding out in a conveniently abandoned building down at Edison shipping and listening to the radio broadcasts of how the police are crawling all over Miami looking for Michael. Speaking of whom, he's prepping to make a few homemade bombs. You know, given Michael's sudden affinity for explosives this season, I'm wondering why his original prison break plan back in season one didn't just require him to make a big bomb and blow out the fence. It would have been less complex, and the ensuing chaos would have made for a far easier escape. Mahone suggests that maybe, it might make more sense to hand over Scylla: "I'm just trying to find a way where the people that we love don't end up on an autopsy table." Michael huffs, "And I'm not? Better get your story straight, Alex. You've been saying this whole time we should give Scylla back to the General." Mahone reminds Michael of what happened to Mrs. Self in the last episode, and Michael snots, "Self made his own bed." "And we're lying in it," Mahone reminds him. Michael tries shooting a Blue Steel, but his heart's not in it. Mahone points out that even if Michael manages to outsmart both the General and Christina, there's still the matter of trained killers waiting to take out LJ and Pam, among others. Michael gets frustrated and explodes, "We're not giving it up and we're not giving it back! We're gonna save everyone!"
Then we zip several hundred miles to the west, back to Chicago, where Sucre is running the tensest diaper-recon mission ever. On the one hand: It's Sucre! Hurray! On the other: when Papi's crappy, ain't nobody happy. Sucre soon becomes aware of being followed, and the car that's doing the following eventually corners him in an alley. But when the driver gets out, all we see is a jacket and the back of a cap-covered head. And Sucre doesn't seem dismayed so much as he does surprised: "What the hell are you doing here?"
Cut back to Miami where Don Self is asking an iteration of that question to a nurse who should be quick to point out that she is not constrained by any Hippocratic Oath and thus can deliver unto Don a world of pain. Sadly, the nurse is an ethical pro, so she tells him he's in recovery, and Don gasps that he's done now so he'd like to go. The nurse is like, "Oh, should I just share that with the two badge-wielding gentlemen waiting for you?" And as FBI Agents Franco and Wright come into the room, Don Self's day gets even worse. Or, if you're a viewer, it gets better, because watching Don Self get kicked in the teeth by the donkey of karma will never get old. At least not for me, it doesn't. Anyway, the agents would like to know what connection Don Self has to Lincoln and Michael. Don just rolls his eyes.
And we cut to Michael and Mahone rolling into a shipyard; the shadow their ginormous, fossil-fuel-guzzling SUV casts in its wake causes several Miami suburbs to be flung into total darkness, triggering panic riots among the residents. Also, as Michael rolls past some gap-toothed rustic, said son of the ... soil? Sea? Salt? Gawps in dim comprehension. Mahone pulls over and lets Michael out for his rendezvous with Christina. Mahone cautions that Michael better not get too close to the bomb; Michael snots back, "And you better not get too far." My lord, Michael, give the supercilious prick act a rest already! Let father-shooting bygones be bygones! Linc has. Mahone just sighs. I can't blame him.
Christina walks to the meeting, telling Slick, "If Michael tries anything, take out both knees. I don't want him dead, just immobilized and eager to talk." However, she would like Linc dead no matter what. We then switch to the slackjawed yokel of the prior paragraph, eagerly gabbling into the phone, "One of them guys from the news? I think I just seen 'em." That'll make the meeting more lively.
Michael and Christina meet, and Michael gets a little testy when Christina second-guesses his choice of a meeting location. Then the two second-guess each other's claims to have met alone, and Michael says, "Come on. We can have at least one honest conversation, can't we?" Christina says, "I'd like that. In spite of what you think, I never wanted to see you get hurt." Then what did she want? Other than Scylla, I mean? Apparently, she wanted love and understanding -- two things that are in short supply when you've decided to engineer a coup to overthrow the One World Conspiracy. Michael attempts to punish his mom for her blatant careerism with "You'll have power, won't you?" And Christina unapologetically sneers, "Yes. And you'll have Lincoln. Quite frankly, I think you're getting the short end of the stick." Despite my not being crazy about this character and how she was introduced at all, I do like that we have a female who is frankly unconflicted about being a self-interested go-getter. When you consider that four of the past female leads on this show -- Veronica, Dr. Sara, Madame Evil and Sofia -- were all motivated by wuv, twoo wuv, for some dude and the fifth (Gretchen) went soft in the head over her previously-buried maternal impulses, it's refreshing to have a female character here who isn't other-directed, but rather as self-directed as General Von Baldy, Don Self, Bellick, T-Bag, that chump who ran Sona whose name I can no longer be bothered to remember because he will always be Bunny to me, etc.
Enough of my blithering. Michael and Christina do their version of "Throw me the idol! Throw me the whip!" and Michael tells Christina to follow him. Right before she walks into some explosive tripwire, she asks, "You wouldn't happen to have some trick up your sleeve, would you, son?" "I'm done playing games with you," he non-answers, honestly. There's MORE "Throw me the idol! Throw me the whip!" badinage, and then the Miami PD show up. Christina loses her cool and shrieks, "Give it to me, Michael!" and he coolly replies, "Come and get it." A flunky appears at Christina's elbow, urging her to go, so she sends him to go get Scylla from Michael. And that is how some nameless cipher gets blown to kingdom come in a move that makes every Star Trek redshirt death look like a lengthy tragedy. We get a delicious shot of Christina saying, "Son of a --" and ... well, yes. Said son of a -- sprints away. Linc sort of watches them go. Or perhaps he's just blacking out in their general direction. No matter -- the SUV containing him, Slick and the pissed-off Christina speeds away.
Back in Chicago, Sucre's catching up on C-Note's season two plotline, and then we find out why C-Note's back in Chi-town and chatting up Sucre: when Mahone disappeared, so did all of the governmental goodwill, so C-Note's back to being an escaped con with a ton of problems. Except he thinks he can get out of this jam if Sucre will help him find Michael and Linc. Sucre, bless his loyal heart, refuses to sell out his cellie and makes to leave the diner.