Episode Report Card Sobell: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Brief Wondrous Life of Cole Pfeiffer
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 12.08.2008
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.I am declaring a new rule for Prison Break: All episodes must include a LINCOLN SMASH before the main credits. It really sets you up for the night.
So, this episode: Don Self attempts to smoke out Michael (literally), but he is thwarted first by LINCOLN SMASH and then by a machine gun-wielding Gretchen. Don's all, "So … can we bury the hatchet?" Linc is all, "Hmmm … maybe." But Michael argues that selling Scylla only makes room for The New One World Conspiracy to arise, so he ix-nays the deal, then sends Sucre to spy on Gretchen and Don Self. (Sucre stows away in the trunk of her car.) Gretchen and Self's partnership is not all that smooth, but he does let her call Emily, and in a darkly funny conversation, we find out that Gretchen has been busy killing people who irritate Rita and Emily for a while. (T-Bag, who has been eavesdropping, is like, "Come again?") Don's sterling phone manners continue with Vykin, but before he can call anyone else and do his best Jerky Boys impersonation, Michael and Linc unleash some homemade smoke bomb fury on the dastardly duo. Meanwhile, Gretchen and Sucre battle it out in a stairwell. She's got the upper hand until Dr. Sara pops by and kicks Gretchen down a flight of stairs. Michael similarly gets the drop on Don Self, and then the One World Conspiracy shows up. Gretchen manages to escape, and (dammit), she has to take Self with her. The highly paid goons who are, in theory, killing machines, fell nobody. Michael goes down on his own once his pesky tumor kicks in again. Damn tumor with its inconvenient timing! So the One World Conspiracy grabs the semi-conscious Michael and drives off.
Then Gretchen and Self get the chip from its hiding place in the warehouse. They pass it on to Vykin, but then Don Self gets greedy and kills Vykin (siiiiigh), thereby extending the who-will-buy-Scylla? Plotline yet another week.
General Von Baldy's very bad day continues as his daughter gives her resignation. He does not handle this well: "I wanted a son!" It improves after Michael's brought to him, then gets even better when Lincoln voluntarily comes to his office. General Von Baldy demands Scylla back in exchange for treating Michael.
Now, on to the B-plots …
Mahone's tenure in the B-plot basement goes as follows: He calls on his work girlfriend Lang to help him get an in with Homeland Security. Lang then calls on Wheeler (you will all remember him from season two), and Mahone pleads with Wheeler to help him. Wheeler gives what sounds like a conditional yes. It's contingent on Michael delivering Scylla -- so when everything goes pear-shaped, Mahone's goose is cooked.
T-Bag's tenure in the B-plot basement goes as follows: He makes creepy pervy comments about Emily, and when Rita calls him on it, he asks, "What do you think I am -- a monster?" Well, YES. His afternoon of hostage-spooking is interrupted by a visit from Bible salesman "Ralph Becker." T-Bag notices the guy's military ring, and instantly assumes he's part of the One World Conspiracy, so he moves to add Ralph to his hostage collection. When interrogating Ralph, the salesman claims the ring belonged to his dead-soldier brother. T-Bag then checks in with Self on this new development, and prepares to kill Ralph per Self's orders. However, Rita talks him out of it. T-Bag decides not to kill Ralph, then sets Rita and Emily free. However, it turns out Ralph is a One World Conspiracy goon, so T-Bag's latest round of redemption lasts less than a minute.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!The episode opens in the Team Scylla clubhouse, with Michael and Dr. Sara chillin' on a couch and having yet another discussion about his precarious health. As Dr. Sara prepares to shoot him full of no-seizure stuff, she warns him that "This isn't a magic elixir." Michael could use actual medical attention from a hospital, she cautions. Michael wants to get Scylla first. Me, I want to find out what miracle cleaning agents they used to rid the place of the dead bodies. Did we not see, like, four or five people get gunned down in the last five minutes of the last episode? What happened to them? Who got put on body-disposal detail, and how did they do it?
Alas, we'll never find out how Team Scylla HQ regained its pristine, loft-like vibe. Instead, we see Linc doing a perimeter patrol of the warehouse. After noticing a few matchbooks in places where they ought not be -- i.e. tucked into doorframes or right in front of doors -- Linc goes on full alert. We don't see what he sees, because we cut back inside to Sucre, who is busy doing something that requires him to pick things up and flex his muscles. You keep on doing that, Sucre.
Michael then calls Don Self, who rather pissily inquires, "I take it you're ready to talk now?" Michael figures they can meet. Don begs to differ: he would like to start shooting smoke bombs into the team HQ. And when the three people inside -- Michael, Sucre and Dr. Sara -- head for a door and open it, Don Self starts shooting bullets at them. Everyone ducks, and Michael's phone rings. Kind of an inconvenient time for a call, huh? Oh, wait, it's Self. He says, "You're surrounded. Come out with your piece of Scylla, Michael." We see Don Self play with his gun (literally, you pervs) and Michael is all, "Oh yeah? Make me." So Don does by lobbing more smoke bombs into the place. Gosh, if only there were dead bodies around to absorb the odors!
Don Self continues lobbing gas bombs into the Team Scylla HQ, and then he hears a click behind him. Don Self turns around and gets a face full of LINCOLN SMASH. And then we hit the credits. I approve. Every episode should start with Lincoln pummeling something.
Cut to Linc walking Don Self into the now-not-at-all-smoky Team Scylla HQ. In my opinion, everyone should stop futzing over Scylla and start trying to sell the magical cleaning elves that clearly manage this warehouse. Their powers of reversing the effects of gunfire and smokebombs are amazing. After a few seconds of Don Self being all snotty despite the gun pointed at his head -- seconds in which Sucre manages to sneak out with his heavy sheet of metal -- everyone's posturing is interrupted by Gretchen unleashing a submachine gun on the premises. At this point, it is a wonder that gunfire gets anyone's attention, it's used so much. Anyway, Don Self assumes his helpless-mope persona and says, "Now that we all have guns pointed at us, let's talk." Michael would like to know exactly who he's talking to. Don Self claims, "You're talking to a guy who spent seventeen years in service of his government, all by the book. You know what the sum total of it was? Nothing! Nada. We're very similar, Michael, and fundamentally, we want the same thing. And I have a way to get it ... I got a buyer for Scylla, a guy who wants to destroy [the One World Conspiracy] as much as you do, and he's willing to pay a lot of money for it." This gets Lincoln's attention. Michael, however, derisively says that he'll pass. Don Self says, "I burned you. And I'd apologize, but what's the point?" Especially since we all know he's not in the least bit sorry. Anyway, Don reasonably points out, "We're all out in the cold now, but we're not going to be able to hide from the [One World Conspiracy] on a shoestring budget." Michael's still not buying what Don's selling, but he promises Don they'll be in touch. Don and Gretchen take off, and Linc gives Michael a look like A seven-figure payout could put a lot of titanium in my LINCOLN SMASH hand. I'm just saying. Michael insists they stick with the plan. Lincoln is like, " ..."