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I am declaring a new rule for Prison Break: All episodes must include a LINCOLN SMASH before the main credits. It really sets you up for the night.
So, this episode: Don Self attempts to smoke out Michael (literally), but he is thwarted first by LINCOLN SMASH and then by a machine gun-wielding Gretchen. Don's all, "So … can we bury the hatchet?" Linc is all, "Hmmm … maybe." But Michael argues that selling Scylla only makes room for The New One World Conspiracy to arise, so he ix-nays the deal, then sends Sucre to spy on Gretchen and Don Self. (Sucre stows away in the trunk of her car.) Gretchen and Self's partnership is not all that smooth, but he does let her call Emily, and in a darkly funny conversation, we find out that Gretchen has been busy killing people who irritate Rita and Emily for a while. (T-Bag, who has been eavesdropping, is like, "Come again?") Don's sterling phone manners continue with Vykin, but before he can call anyone else and do his best Jerky Boys impersonation, Michael and Linc unleash some homemade smoke bomb fury on the dastardly duo. Meanwhile, Gretchen and Sucre battle it out in a stairwell. She's got the upper hand until Dr. Sara pops by and kicks Gretchen down a flight of stairs. Michael similarly gets the drop on Don Self, and then the One World Conspiracy shows up. Gretchen manages to escape, and (dammit), she has to take Self with her. The highly paid goons who are, in theory, killing machines, fell nobody. Michael goes down on his own once his pesky tumor kicks in again. Damn tumor with its inconvenient timing! So the One World Conspiracy grabs the semi-conscious Michael and drives off.
Then Gretchen and Self get the chip from its hiding place in the warehouse. They pass it on to Vykin, but then Don Self gets greedy and kills Vykin (siiiiigh), thereby extending the who-will-buy-Scylla? Plotline yet another week.
General Von Baldy's very bad day continues as his daughter gives her resignation. He does not handle this well: "I wanted a son!" It improves after Michael's brought to him, then gets even better when Lincoln voluntarily comes to his office. General Von Baldy demands Scylla back in exchange for treating Michael.
Now, on to the B-plots …
Mahone's tenure in the B-plot basement goes as follows: He calls on his work girlfriend Lang to help him get an in with Homeland Security. Lang then calls on Wheeler (you will all remember him from season two), and Mahone pleads with Wheeler to help him. Wheeler gives what sounds like a conditional yes. It's contingent on Michael delivering Scylla -- so when everything goes pear-shaped, Mahone's goose is cooked.
T-Bag's tenure in the B-plot basement goes as follows: He makes creepy pervy comments about Emily, and when Rita calls him on it, he asks, "What do you think I am -- a monster?" Well, YES. His afternoon of hostage-spooking is interrupted by a visit from Bible salesman "Ralph Becker." T-Bag notices the guy's military ring, and instantly assumes he's part of the One World Conspiracy, so he moves to add Ralph to his hostage collection. When interrogating Ralph, the salesman claims the ring belonged to his dead-soldier brother. T-Bag then checks in with Self on this new development, and prepares to kill Ralph per Self's orders. However, Rita talks him out of it. T-Bag decides not to kill Ralph, then sets Rita and Emily free. However, it turns out Ralph is a One World Conspiracy goon, so T-Bag's latest round of redemption lasts less than a minute.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!The episode opens in the Team Scylla clubhouse, with Michael and Dr. Sara chillin' on a couch and having yet another discussion about his precarious health. As Dr. Sara prepares to shoot him full of no-seizure stuff, she warns him that "This isn't a magic elixir." Michael could use actual medical attention from a hospital, she cautions. Michael wants to get Scylla first. Me, I want to find out what miracle cleaning agents they used to rid the place of the dead bodies. Did we not see, like, four or five people get gunned down in the last five minutes of the last episode? What happened to them? Who got put on body-disposal detail, and how did they do it?
Alas, we'll never find out how Team Scylla HQ regained its pristine, loft-like vibe. Instead, we see Linc doing a perimeter patrol of the warehouse. After noticing a few matchbooks in places where they ought not be -- i.e. tucked into doorframes or right in front of doors -- Linc goes on full alert. We don't see what he sees, because we cut back inside to Sucre, who is busy doing something that requires him to pick things up and flex his muscles. You keep on doing that, Sucre.
Michael then calls Don Self, who rather pissily inquires, "I take it you're ready to talk now?" Michael figures they can meet. Don begs to differ: he would like to start shooting smoke bombs into the team HQ. And when the three people inside -- Michael, Sucre and Dr. Sara -- head for a door and open it, Don Self starts shooting bullets at them. Everyone ducks, and Michael's phone rings. Kind of an inconvenient time for a call, huh? Oh, wait, it's Self. He says, "You're surrounded. Come out with your piece of Scylla, Michael." We see Don Self play with his gun (literally, you pervs) and Michael is all, "Oh yeah? Make me." So Don does by lobbing more smoke bombs into the place. Gosh, if only there were dead bodies around to absorb the odors!
Don Self continues lobbing gas bombs into the Team Scylla HQ, and then he hears a click behind him. Don Self turns around and gets a face full of LINCOLN SMASH. And then we hit the credits. I approve. Every episode should start with Lincoln pummeling something.
Cut to Linc walking Don Self into the now-not-at-all-smoky Team Scylla HQ. In my opinion, everyone should stop futzing over Scylla and start trying to sell the magical cleaning elves that clearly manage this warehouse. Their powers of reversing the effects of gunfire and smokebombs are amazing. After a few seconds of Don Self being all snotty despite the gun pointed at his head -- seconds in which Sucre manages to sneak out with his heavy sheet of metal -- everyone's posturing is interrupted by Gretchen unleashing a submachine gun on the premises. At this point, it is a wonder that gunfire gets anyone's attention, it's used so much. Anyway, Don Self assumes his helpless-mope persona and says, "Now that we all have guns pointed at us, let's talk." Michael would like to know exactly who he's talking to. Don Self claims, "You're talking to a guy who spent seventeen years in service of his government, all by the book. You know what the sum total of it was? Nothing! Nada. We're very similar, Michael, and fundamentally, we want the same thing. And I have a way to get it ... I got a buyer for Scylla, a guy who wants to destroy [the One World Conspiracy] as much as you do, and he's willing to pay a lot of money for it." This gets Lincoln's attention. Michael, however, derisively says that he'll pass. Don Self says, "I burned you. And I'd apologize, but what's the point?" Especially since we all know he's not in the least bit sorry. Anyway, Don reasonably points out, "We're all out in the cold now, but we're not going to be able to hide from the [One World Conspiracy] on a shoestring budget." Michael's still not buying what Don's selling, but he promises Don they'll be in touch. Don and Gretchen take off, and Linc gives Michael a look like A seven-figure payout could put a lot of titanium in my LINCOLN SMASH hand. I'm just saying. Michael insists they stick with the plan. Lincoln is like, " ..."
Meanwhile, at the One World Conspiracy HQ, the little white-collar stooges are beavering away in an effort to find Team Scylla. It is about as riveting as any scene where total strangers staring intently at computer screens can be. (Nobody will be distracted during the "Random white guy points-and-clicks" sequence!) General Von Baldy cuts through the head security goon's bitching and moaning about this needle-in-the-haystack mission by reasoning that the One World Conspiracy doesn't have to look for everyone associated with the Scylla heist. They can look for the person who has the connections to move Scylla on the black market -- i.e. Gretchen -- and then it'll be easy enough to find Scylla.
And now, we switch gears. T-Bag is left to mind hostages Rita and Emily, and it finally occurs to him to ask Rita where Emily's daddy is. Rita: "Gretchen doesn't talk about him." I bet. Because it's creepy as all hell. Anyway, T-Bag quickly deduces that Emily is unaware of her biological parentage, then wanders over to take a gander at a framed photo of her. "Cute girl," he comments. Rita gets up and faces him down: "Don't hurt my little girl. And if you have to do something, do it to me." For some reason, T-Bag gets huffy, and he snarls, "What do you think I am? A monster?" Well, yes, Mr. Child-Rapist-And-Killer. Rita points out that T-Bag is holding her hostage, so excuse her if she ascribes weak morals to his character. T-Bag then introduces his theme for the evening: "I'm just as much a prisoner as you." He whips out his GATE corporation business card and says wistfully, "Eggshell white. Bold lettering, double embossed -- I was Cole Pfeiffer, a respected businessman, top salesman in the northeast region. And now I'm back to being prisoner of my own identity: Theodore Bagwell, convict." He tosses the card and shrugs, "To hell with it. We are who we are, right?" Rita asks T-Bag what he was originally selling, and T-Bag answers shakily, "Never you mind. You just pray your sister comes through."
Back at Team Scylla HQ, Linc and Michael are still debating the merits of selling Scylla. Michael wants to break the cycle of shadowy cabals rising to power through a combination of money and other people's desperation. Linc is like, "I believe we are desperate, and I also believe I would like to be on the money end of things for a change." But he drops the argument and the brothers move on. Sucre texts them with a message: "I'm in," and we find out that he's hiding in the trunk of Gretchen and Self's car.
We transition to the front of the car, where we learn that sometime during the shootout and subsequent tete-a-tete, Self managed to get a device into the Team Scylla HQ that effectively gives them remote, X-ray goggles. They can now see inside the building via ultrasound and watch Lincoln and Michael's every move when they're inside. Oooh, sneaky!
And now, along comes Dr. Sara to nag Michael about his health. If she keeps this up, a parole review board is going to convene and spring her from the Prison of Love, because Michael's whole-body sigh suggests that he is Over This Discussion. Anyway, Michael's built up a tolerance to his wonder elixir and a higher dosage would trigger more side effects than the tumor would. Michael huffs that he'll manage without it. Everyone, set your watches so we can see how long before the first tumor symptom surfaces on tonight's episode.
Linc asks Michael to "sit this one out and let me and Sucre handle it," but Michael petulantly insists that he's going along. Linc stalks off before he says or does something he'll regret, and Michael sighs heavily again before complaining to Dr. Sara, "Why can't he understand that I need to finish this? Everything that happened, it all started with the [One World Conspiracy]." "Maybe not for Lincoln. Maybe for him, this all started with his little brother breaking him out of prison. Michael, you saved his life. If anything happens to you, he spends the rest of his life feeling guilty for that," Dr. Sara points out. Michael sulks with a Why did you have to be a grown-up about this? air, but he doesn't say anything until Dr. Sara asks, "At what point does a noble deed become fanaticism?" Then, he insists, "Fanaticism is the only way to beat them!" Yes, because Crazy is always a much more effective long-term tactic than sane. It worked so well for Haywire. And for Mahone.
Anyway, it's time for Sucre to get an address -- which he does once he clambers out of the car trunk. He's at the Fauntleroy Hotel. I snigger involuntarily. What? Fauntleroy's a funny word. Also, if you've never had the pleasure of reading Frances Hodgson Burnett's Little Lord Fauntleroy, get ye over to Project Gutenberg and remedy that. Just don't drink anything unless you enjoy aspirating liquids while you snicker.
Back at Team Scylla HQ, we find out that Michael's shooting up his anti-seizure stuff on the sly. Linc interrupts him to pass on Sucre's news, and Michael's all, "Good, good! I am not doing anything that could remotely be construed as detrimental to myself! Please ignore my jittery demeanor!" And then, either because he feels guilty or because he suspects that his brain could explode at any moment, Michael blurts out a confession to Linc: "When I came to see you that day at Fox River, I thought you did it. I thought you killed Terence Steadman, but by the time I left, I knew you were innocent, and I had to get you out of that place. So however this plays out, I have no regrets." There's a manly handshake, and then Michael gets back to injecting himself with a side effects-courting dose of medicine. Then he decides to hide the Scylla chip in the ceiling above the toilet again -- a motion that passes unnoticed by the spying Don Self.
So he's all excited about calling Vykin, but Gretchen would like to talk to Emily first. Don Self absently says that she and Rita are fine, which is exactly the wrong thing to say: "I have a history with Vykin. No money exchanges hands unless I tell him you're legit. I want to talk to my daughter NOW!" Faced with the threat of losing his connection, Don caves and dials T-Bag. Once Emily's on the line, Gretchen coos, "Emily, baby, it's your Auntie Gretchen." "Where are you?" Emily asks. "I'm not far. Are you okay?" Gretchen says brightly. "There's this mean man here," Emily says. We cut to T-Bag looking unamused by her assessment. Gretchen tells Emily, "Emily, baby, do you remember the mean man who used to live with your mommy, Rita? The one that used to yell at you all the time? What happened to Roy?' "He went to the store one day and never came back," Emily pipes up. And this is where I had to pause my TiFaux until I could control my laughter. I simply love the idea of Gretchen casually taking out anyone who crosses Emily and Rita. Oh, please, please, please do not kill her -- let her settle down with Emily and Rita and pop up occasionally, all, "I promised to stay out of your way, Scofield, but your chase scene is interrupting Emily's soccer fundraising bake sale, so move it elsewhere. Also, buy these cupcakes at $2 apiece." Anyway, Gretchen obliquely promises to kill T-Bag for Emily, and Don Self interrupts at that point to get T-Bag back on the line. Once the two men are connected, Don tells him, "I'm going to call you in exactly two hours with the location of the exchange. If you don't hear from me, kill 'em both." We cut to T-Bag looking appalled. Then back to Don Self, who looks inordinately pleased with his thuggery. At this point, it is a race to see who can kill Don first -- Gretchen, or the One World Conspiracy.
Just then, Rita's doorbell rings. T-Bag drags Rita over to answer it, and they're confronted with the milquetoast visage of one Ralph Becker, Bible salesman at large. Ralph is a persistent pitchman, and it ends up earning him a concussion, because his appeals give T-Bag time to notice the military academy ring on Ralph's hand. T-Bag concludes that Ralph's part of the One World Conspiracy, knocks him out, and gets himself another hostage to track. Rita is shocked by this turn of events: "This guy is a Bible salesman."
The remainder of Team Scylla is now at the Fauntleroy hotel. It is truly a dive. Sucre comes over with Self's box of smoke bombs, and sadly notes, "We have no way to shoot them." Michael looks around, happens to notice some lengths of PVC pipe and a roll of duct tape conveniently laying around, and says, "Yeah, we do. But I need you to buy some hairspray and a lighter." Thrilled that Michael is about to fulfill his Macgyver daydream, Sucre runs off.
Back at One World Conspiracy HQ, the boring, white-collar part of the manhunt is still going on. Lisa picks this moment to waltz in and hand her father her resignation letter. General Von Baldy says, "I tried to shield you from everything I didn't think you could handle." Lisa replies, "The only thing you shielded me from is knowing who you really are. Now I know." As she walks out, General Von Baldy calls, "I wanted a son!" Fortunately for him, seconds after that exchange, one of the computer drones finds Gretchen and Self at the Fauntleroy hotel. General Von Baldy dispatches his kill squad with orders to shoot on sight. Then he stands there and frowns as a phalanx of black SUVs peels out. I bet he's thinking about the ridiculously high gasoline tab the One World Conspiracy has. You'd think they'd have some super-secret hybrid technology that lets their fleet run on the blood of their victims or something.
Before we get back to T-Bag, I bet you all would like to know where Mahone is. Mahone, sadly, is relegated to this week's Plotline-within-a-paragraph: He got a haircut.
Well, that's not all, but it's certainly the most notable thing, as Mahone is no longer rocking that Andrew-Jackson-after-an-all-nighter coif he's had since Sona. ANYWAY, I guess Mahone got the haircut because he's trying to network. His new role: make Team Scylla's case with the few people left in the U.S. government who aren't One World Conspiracy stooges or grossly incompetent ideological zealots. So you can see where it's a small meeting -- him, Lang and Wheeler. You will all remember Wheeler and his fraught relationship with Mahone from season two, right? So anyway, Mahone and Lang reconnect, he gives her his pitch about how he needs the help of her and any other incorruptible feds she knows, and before you can say, "Mmm, pie!" an anxious-looking Lang is meeting Mahone in a diner, Walker on her heels. They sit down and Walker comments, "Good choice for a meeting spot, Alex. Crowded place, a few exits, a corner table with a full view of the room. Looks like you're getting acclimated to life on the run." Or to dating again. We find out that Wheeler's been promoted and is now running his own field office. Wheeler points out, "When you're neither a disgrace to the Bureau nor a drug addict, good things can happen." And evidently being a total dillweed isn't an obstacle for those good things. Lang leans over and says, "He's clean, Mark." "Thank you, Felicia," Wheeler says, in a tone suggesting that he'd really like to change the first four letters of his last comment to "F" "u" and "c." Mahone makes his pitch: "I know you, Mark. You're a good agent, and ambitious, so let me appeal to the side of you that likes to see your name in print. You want to be on a short list for deputy director?" Wheeler says he got the 411 from Lang but "I don't know if I'm more skeptical of a burn-out ex-Fed or the mythical cabal known as the [One World Conspiracy]." Mahone calls his bluff: "You came all the way here for a myth?" He continues: the One World Conspiracy's compromised both Homeland Security and the FBI, Wheeler happens to be both upstanding and pals with the attorney general, and he wants to know if he can trust Wheeler. Cut to Wheeler and Lang both sitting silently, all, Well ... this is ... awkward. Wheeler finally says, "You get incredible intelligence against the [One World Conspiracy], I'll walk you into the attorney general's office myself." Unfortunately for Mahone, Linc cuts him loose over the phone. We then see him seated in the diner booth, watching Lang and Wheeler argue animatedly outside, and then Lang comes back in. Although she is delivering ostensibly good news -- "The attorney general is willing to hear you out" -- Lang can't look at him, and she seems deeply unhappy. Mahone is no dummy, and tries to get her to spill what's really going on, but Lang says hastily, "Your flight to Dulles leaves in 45 minutes." Mahone looks at her all Rrrrrrreally?, and Lang's on-the-verge-of-tears expression, combined with Wheeler's nervous pacing outside, does not sell him on the whole trip. "Can I trust this guy?" he asks Lang. "We better go," she replies. I like to think that the two of them were smart enough to ask and answer the question in a specific way so Lang won't get burned later. ANYWAY, Mahone agrees to go along, and does not seem too surprised when it turns out he's riding in the back of the FBI equivalent of a police cruiser. As everyone gets in the car, Mahone checks out the in-tears Lang in the passenger-side mirror and asks, "There is no meeting with the attorney general, is there?" There's a long, long silence in the car, and then Mahone says, brokenly and sincerely, "Thank you, Felicia, for everything you've done." Well, I hope for everyone's sake that it's a short car ride, because it's going to be an awkward one, that's for sure.
Okay, now we're back to T-Bag, who has trussed Ralph and is now trying to question him. Ralph's sticking to his story -- the Church of the Holy Trinity sent him. T-Bag shouts, "Liar" and wallops Ralph. Appalled, Rita shouts, "Are you out of your mind? You are beating up a Bible salesman." Rita, focus more on the second word, less on the first. T-Bag shouts, "I ain't Scofield, I ain't Burrows, this ain't my life, leave me alone!" Ralph blubbers. Rita loudly inquires, "Look at him! Does he look like some kind of undercover agent to you?" Rita, not every conspiracy stooge is going to be rocking your sister's crazy eyes and flawless personal style. T-Bag makes the same point, more or less, with, "They blend in. That's how they get you."
Rita continues making Ralph's case by going through his wallet (since a vast global conspiracy would never, ever go to the trouble of establishing covers for its agents), but T-Bag's hung up on the military academy ring. As he prepares to shoot Ralph in the forehead, the alleged Bible salesman sobs, "I didn't go to [the military academy]. It's my kid brother's ring. He died in Bagdhad last year. It was a car bomb, I swear." Rita implores T-Bag, "Listen to me: That makes sense. That made sense." T-Bag pulls back the gun and shouts to the room, "We're not going nowhere! Not 'til I get a phone call!"
For a dive hotel, the Fauntleroy's got an extraordinarily nice privet hedge. Dr. Sara and Sucre stroll right by it and into the lobby, which is filled with nodding-out transients. The clerk, who is behind a heavy sheet of Plexiglass, tells Dr. Sara, "It's $25 for the hour," and it takes $200 in "tips" before the clerk gives up the information on Gretchen's room number (308). Sucre gives the guy an extra-annoyed look before leaving, and the clerk calls out, "No urinating in the stairwell! That's the golden rule!" His standards are low, but he's sticking to them, by gum.
Dr. Sara calls Michael to give him and Linc the location of the room, and we see that the brothers are preparing to set up their improvisational smoke bomb delivery device on a rooftop opposite the hotel. Inside the hotel, Don Self is not earning extra points with Vykin regarding his rude and peremptory phone manners. We see Vykin pinch the bridge of his nose in the universal sign of exasperation, and he finally says, "Listen to me, you mook. You're in the deep end of the pool now. At least act like you can swim. And the time you call, I better talk to Gretchen." Don blusters, "You listen to me. The time you call, it better be because the money's ready." Gretchen is sitting on the bed, looking as though the only thing keeping her going is the thought of using Don Self's head as a soccer ball. No sooner does Don hang up than the room phone rings. The clerk laconically shares the news that a man and woman were asking around for them, and "I thought you should know." Don slams down the phone and tells Gretchen, "Scofield found us." "How?" she asks, but Don has no time for examining flaws in his plans -- he wants to dispatch her to take them out. We cut back to the clerk and learn that Linc had paid him to make that call. As Linc moves toward the stairs, the precious, non-urine-soaked stairs, the clerk hollers, "I don't want no trouble in my place!"
We then get footage of Michael assembling his makeshift gun -- alas, not enough footage to teach us how to jerry-rig a deadly concussive device using materials found in our local Wal-Marts -- and then monkeying with the fire escapes outside the hotel windows. He gets distracted by a tumor twinge, but manages to shimmy down a pipe and swoon in the alley below.
Back in the hotel room, Gretchen tells Self she'll do reconnaissance in the hallway. "If anything happens, get Scylla and get out. I will find you," she orders. Once she leaves the room, Self locks the door. Gretchen heads down the stairs, kicking a bum on the landing who's in her way. Bad move -- the bum is Sucre, who's been waiting for her. He tackles Gretchen from behind, they go flying down the stairs, and then commence fighting on the cleanest and most well-conditioned wooden floor ever to grace a fleabag no-tell motel. Sucre's got the upper hand for a while, but Gretchen eventually remembers his injury and gets him there. He is saved from being killed only by Dr. Sara's timely arrival. The former torture victim shoves Gretchen down another flight of stairs.
Meanwhile, Linc fires the smoke bomb gun and drives Self out of his hotel room. Self goes to escape via the fire escape ladder, but it breaks under his weight per Michael's monkeying around, and Self ends up flat on his back in the alley. Sadly, it appears he has not shattered his spine. But he does get a good punch to the face courtesy of Michael. Yay, Scofield! Michael then grabs the remainder of the Scylla device and scampers off.
Gretchen recovers enough to scamper down one last flight of stairs, take a shot at Lincoln for good luck, and run right into the embrace of the One World Conspiracy. The goons may all have submachine guns, but Gretchen manages to overpower them with her pistol and steals one of the SUVs. Lincoln also manages to escape. We then switch to Michael, who has just had a bad attack of Television Tumor, or its mysterious and serious side effects. He passes out in the alley, blood pouring from his nose and mouth.
Unfortunately, neither landing on his spine nor taking a concussion-grade blow to the head can stop Don Self and his reign of meatheadedness. Don comes up to Michael, snatches Scylla back, and points his gun at him, repeating, "Like I said before, this is just business." But before he can kill Michael, the lead conspiracy goon is shooting at him, and then Gretchen's rolled up with an SUV, Don's escaped and the goons have absconded with the passed-out Michael. Linc attempts to chase down the SUV, but his superpowers largely lay in beating things up, not chasing them down.
Meanwhile, Dr. Sara and Sucre have broken into Don's hotel room and learned, to their horror, that Don Self has the inside peek into Team Scylla HQ and is retrieving the chip. We then have a desultory scene where Don retrieves the chip and reminds Gretchen not to kill him if she wants to see Emily again.
And then we're in the world's creepiest medical facility. Michael is restrained at both ankle and wrist and some benign-looking doctor is busy prepping a syringe for an injection and advising him, "Try and relax." That's kind of tough to do when General Von Baldy's just showed up and begun patting your hand. Although it kind of wouldn't surprise me if it turned out that General Von Baldy had one hell of a bedside manner. He seems like someone who would sort of calm you down -- or put you into a fearful stupor -- if he were delivering bad news at the doctor's office.
Back at Team Scylla HQ, Dr. Sara's a weepy mess, Sucre's panicky and Lincoln is all, "[Sigh.] Why do I only get to be team leader when everything's gone all pear-shaped?"
We then cut to Michael getting an MRI. Having recently gone in for an MRI for my own cabeza-sited medical issue (alas, not a TV-style tumor that makes me more brilliant as it grows ever more malignant), I have a little firsthand experience in this, and so I immediately began shouting things like, "Where is the IV to deliver the contrast dye?" and "Why doesn't he have earplugs to help muffle the noise?" From the depths of the couch, Mr. Sobell inquires, "Everything that goes on with this show and you take issue with the MRI?" And to that I can only reply, I have no experiences with prisons, either domestic or international division, but this I can quibble with. So I do. Anyway, the upshot is that Michael is pretty out of it, but he appears to be getting comprehensive medical care.
Meanwhile, Gretchen and Self are on a foggy pier, waiting for Vykin. T-Bag chooses that moment to call and share the news about his new hostage. "He could be a [One World Conspiracy] operative," T-Bag frets. "So kill him," Don Self orders. T-Bag hesitates, then admits, "He could also be a Bible salesman." "Then he shouldn't have any problem getting past St. Peter. Kill. Him." Don orders. He's a meathead, but that was a funny line. T-Bag hangs up the phone, sighs, and orders Rita to go hang with Emily in the playroom. She wants to know what's up, and T-Bag tells her again to am-scray. Rita walks off. T-Bag begins preparing to kill Ralph (shower curtain on the floor, Ralph on top of the shower curtain), Rita comes out again and asks T-Bag not to kill Ralph. T-Bag shouts, "I told you to go back yonder! You don't want to see this." Rita says, "Cole Pfeiffer wouldn't do this." T-Bag says, "Cole Pfeiffer isn't here. It's just ol' T-Bag." As Ralph begins praying, Rita says, "If you want to be free, start right now. Start this minute. If you pull that trigger, Cole Pfeiffer's gone forever. Don't do this." As Rita says that, Emily comes out and eyeballs the scene. Since T-Bag is a sucker for the redemptive powers of a mother figure (see also his hang-ups about his ex in season two), and since the Bible thing triggers memories of being an abused kid, T-Bag is now even more racked with indecision. After a minute, he cocks the gun. Rita ushers Emily out, and T-Bag tells Ralph, "My daddy was a religious man, just like you. We used to ... pray together in my room at night. I used to be crying on the floor, just like you. Sometimes, when I couldn't take it no more, my daddy would cite a particular piece of scripture he was fond of: 'Weeping may endure through the night --'" "But joy comes in the morning. Psalms 35," Ralph wheezes.
And this is what convinces T-Bag that Ralph is merely a Bible salesman. He smiles in relief, and drops the gun. Then T-Bag calls, "Rita? Have you got a car? Now you get in that car and you drive far, far away from here right now, okay? Here. Take this [wad of money]." Rita does not have to be told twice. She bundles up Emily and runs. T-Bag calls out a thank you as she goes.
The redemption of Theodore "Cole Pfeiffer" Bagwell continues apace as he cuts Ralph's bindings with the exhortation, "I want you to go, to be free, to be free as me." And then the redemption of T-Bag ends as we learn that indeed, Ralph WAS a One World Conspiracy goon. As he subdues T-Bag, then bundles him off, Ralph steps on Cole Pfeiffer's business card. Oh my gosh, I ... I think that might have been symbolic. But it's so hard to tell, since this show traffics in ambiguity.
Meanwhile, back at One World Conspiracy HQ, Dr. Exposition is busy telling General Von Baldy what we all already know: Michael has a malignant tumor, it's rearranging the furniture in his brain, and if he doesn't get an operation soon, his head will burst open like the aliens at the end of Mars Attacks! As General Von Baldy ponders the strategic pros and cons of letting Michael's head explode, his lead goon pops in and crows, "You'll never guess who just came in."
Cut to General Von Baldy facing Linc in the hall. Linc looks like he's keeping the mayhem-making impulse in check as he requests a visit with Michael. General Von Baldy says soothingly, "I think you made the right decision. Let's go downstairs and see your brother." (oh, please, please, let General Von Baldy begin to think of Linc as the son he never had. That would be so perversely amusing. I can dream, right?)
The fog has lifted and Vykin is now on the pier. I refuse to believe the two aren't related. Don hands over Scylla, Vykin checks it with some specialized-looking doohickey -- I love that some device exists solely to validate Scylla -- and as he does, he patiently and patronizingly answers Don Self's questions about the buyer and the big piles of money that are arriving henceforth. This is a fatal miscalculation; Don has decided to cut out Vykin and the middleman fee, and to kill Vykin. Don Self, you bastard! Vykin was a real asset to this show; we don't have enough snarky bad guys anymore. Gretchen, who understands international markets and the need for caustic verbal interplay better than Don Self does, is appropriately horrified.
Linc walks into the medical bay and demands to know what the team of medical professional working on Michael are doing. General Von Baldy unwittingly echoes Dr. Sara with, "Michael needs an operation to remove a tumor from his temporal lobe, and he needs it now. [The One World Conspiracy] can provide such an operation, but at a cost." That cost: the safe return of Scylla. "Bring back to me what you stole, and I will make sure Michael gets the finest medical care in the world. [The One World Conspiracy] has science and technology that's years ahead of what's available to the public, and it's all available, right in this facility." We get a shot of Von Baldy, Linc and the lead security goon all standing around looking at the medical tableau. That's a lot of greenish light bouncing around on a lot of gleaming skulls. I do not get this show's obsession with cue ball heads. Anyway, General Von Baldy seems okay with Linc having qualms, but hands over a dossier labeled "Tombstone II." He calls it "added incentive." I call it the hook to tune in week.
Take a look back at Prison Break's most insane WTF moments, and visit the Prison Break forums.