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The Dr. Sara/Kellerman reunion is every bit as awesome as we could have hoped, as she very nearly manages to strangle him. Given that she's managed to kick his ass twice, I'm thinking she deserves her own spinoff or something. Anyway, when Kellerman isn't turning blue, he's busy getting everyone on a train to Chicago, where Dr. Sara's key will fit into some humidor at a very expensive, exclusive club. The Car of Comedy Gold manages to elude the authorities and make it to the Windy City.
While they're traveling, Kellerman determines that Madame President Evil is, in fact, being played by a not-so-skilled imposter. Kellerman calls Kim on it, and it is AWESOME.
Know what else is kind of awesome? The making-out that Michael and Dr. Sara do in the world's largest train bathroom. Dr. Sara even cops to not fully absorbing the lessons from Don't Do Time in the Prison of Love before trying to fully absorb Michael via extensive mouth-to-mouth contact.
Also, T-Bag is a lying, raping creep. Poor Susan, Zach, and Gracie are still hostage to the one-armed pervert, and because he fears detection, he's decided it's time for them to up and move.
Also, C-Note has a cool head in a crisis and compelling persuasive skills: it's just too bad he has to use them to talk a diner robber out of doing something tremendously stupid, like herding the entire eatery into a back storage room. But he does, and when the robber decides to take a hostage, C-Note beats that bad idea right out of him. In gratitude, the diner patrons do not tell the cops that one of America's Most Wanted was having the grilled cheese, and the former hostage helps C-Note and his sick daughter escape.
And finally, in the saddest plotline to come along in a while: Bellick and Mahone find Haywire. Although Bellick's the one that chases him to the top of a decaying grain elevator, it's Mahone who climbs up and coaxes Haywire to jump to his death. I have been no fan of the loony inmate, but his anguish at being trapped was heart-rending. Rest in peace, Charles Patoshik. (And thanks to poster iatesumthingbad for letting us know that the soundtrack to this scene was "Home" by Alexi Murdoch.) Want more? The full recap starts right below!
When we begin the episode, we're at a train station in the middle of nowhere. Dr. Sara disembarks, and she is looking remarkably good for a fugitive -- nice jeans, clean white tank, fabulous new 'do. Frankly, this is a recommendation for all of us to take up one-on-one work with brooding inmates and let circumstances carry us where they may.
As Dr. Sara and Michael look for each other in the crowd, Kellerman lurks around a corner. His mobile rings, and it's Madame President Evil again. She'd like to know where Kellerman is. He snaps, "Out in the cold, remember?" The camera's focused on Dr. Sara, and I just love that little bit of ambivalence, like we're supposed to think, Hmmm, maybe the way to his heart is through the third-degree burn directly above it. We cut to Linc looking all broody and bare-chested (one can only presume he's got an extra coat of Pec Gloss applied for weatherproofing) while Michael is bundled in a heavy charcoal tee and sweater, plus a skullcap. He looks like the offspring between Prison Blues and J. Crew, and again, it's sort of an incentive for the rest of us to construct elaborate prison break-out plans, if this is the end result.
So Michael and Dr. Sara finally set eyes on one another, and they exchange a long and very sweet hug. When Dr. Sara pulls away, Michael takes in the new 'do and smiles, and Dr. Sara's all, "Eh, when the APB's out for a redhead... " She then nods to Lincoln, who nods back, squinting around the glare of the light off his gleamy pecs to see who's actually saying hello.
Meanwhile, Kellerman is busy being needy into the phone: "It's funny how you only call me when you need me. Maybe 'funny' is not the right word." Madame Evil assures him, "All of this can go away, Paul." "Can it?" he replies as he looks at Michael and Dr. Sara together. Again, those of us who are a little nostalgic for the pie pals are wondering, Might Kellerman be pining for Dr. Sara? Madame Evil continues, "Please just come back to Chicago and turn Burrows and Scofield in. I promise you, I'll make everything go back to the way it was." Kellerman eyes Michael one more time and says curtly he has to go. Oh, Madame Evil, perhaps he's just not that into you anymore.
Dr. Sara's asking Michael if they actually have a shot. A shot at what is never specified, but it's presumably "a shot at ending this all soon." Michael thinks any shots are dependent on what Governor Dad gave Dr. Sara. They mumble small talk about the key, then Michael catches sight of the smirking Kellerman and says, "Sara, we've got someone working with us now." Dr. Sara turns around... and sees Kellerman.
Naturally, this is when we cut to T-Bag. It is rare that we hit the one-paragraph plotline before the credits even roll, but here we are. To sum up: it's morning in the household, and T-Bag is spooning Susan in bed. (Say what you will about losing a limb: it eliminates that tricky question of what to do with your arm when you're trying to curl up behind someone.) He sings, "Good morning, sunshine," and that is more proof that he's a deviant, because nobody normal is that goddamn perky first thing in the morning. There is more cuddling, then T-Bag says sweetly, "I tell you what -- I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." There is literally nothing I can do to improve on that line. Susan insists that she will, but T-Bag isn't having it. He gets up, whips a knife out of his bedside table, then pulls back a cord to reveal that Susan has been tied to the bedpost all night. Let us all hope Susan is not a toss-and-turner, or else she'll end up with dislocated shoulders. (Because that will be what tips her over the edge -- not sharing a bed with a bionic sociopath, but not being able to turn over in the middle of the night. It's the little things that do it.) T-Bag then offers her hand cream for the rope burns. "It won't work," Susan says. "'Course it will. It says right here on the bottle, 'Soothes skin irritations and --'," T-Bag replies. Susan calls him on his obtuseness and points out that little things like, say, neighbors and job obligations and school attendance will soon puncture holes in his poorly-sealed family fantasy. As a matter of fact, Patty the welcome-wagon lady is coming by today. Susan swallows around her gorge and says, "Teddy, Teddy Bear, you need to go. If she recognizes you... I don't want you to get in trouble." Actually, Teddy Bear has a better idea: he'll just charm the dickens out of Patty. He's made "hobo chicken -- one part chicken, two-part spice, three-part actual hobo." Patty -- or, as T-Bag has taken to calling her, "Patty-cake" -- is so charmed by this, she totally swallows all his elaborate lies about how he lost his hand and why there are deep nail marks on the doorjamb, totally misses how jumpy Susan and the kids are, and totally overlooks the gun in T-Bag's waistband. T-Bag gets off the best one-liner of the night: "You gotta have discipline -- without a strong father figure, the boy might end up in prison." And then he decides it's time for them all to relocate. When last we see this (Manson) family unit, T-Bag is using his prosthetic limb to signal left to the cars behind him. At least he's now looking at his disfigurement as a comedic opportunity.
Meanwhile, back at the train station, everyone is walking toward Kellerman. Linc leads the way, glowering silently under his hat. Kellerman says calmly, "Hi, Sara. What's done is done, we all want the same thing and -- ulp." Now would be a good time to mention that Michael has just grabbed Kellerman by the throat and slammed him up against the wall. As Michael strangles Kellerman, Linc keeps the body propped up. How... sweet? I mean, it's nice that he's backing up his brother, but there is that whole strangling thing. Anyway, Michael growls, "You didn't tell us you had left her to die." Kellerman claims he was going to pull her out, but Dr. Sara points out that actually, no he was not. Michael then whispers, "How long can you hold your breath? Maybe we should find out." Kellerman wheezes, "You need me and you know it." Michael reluctantly releases him.
Dr. Sara snaps, "Why do we need him? We've already got the key. We can figure out what it's for." Or Kellerman can tell you right now: it's to a humidor at a very expensive, very exclusive cigar club. Where's the club, you ask? As the music thuds ominously, Kellerman says, "Chicago."
We go into the credits wondering if Kellerman is telling the truth, or if he's just manipulating his fellow travelers into Madame Evil's barbed clutches. And fortunately for y'all, I'm recapping off the iTunes episode (long story short: don't let the 20-pound cat use the television as base camp when it attempts to scale Mount Bookcase), so you won't get any comments on commercials this time.
When the credits end, we're back in Wisconsin with Haywire, who's fretting to Barnabas, "We have to hurry. We have to hurry -- I did a bad thing." Choking back a sob, Haywire looks around and repeats piteously, "I did a very bad thing."
Cut to Mahone in FBI headquarters, who is insisting that all gas pumps on the interstate highways between Montana and Chicago bear the brothers' pictures -- "If they have no fuel, they can't get anywhere!" Wheeler comes over and says, "We might want to divert our attention away from Burrows and Scofield for a while." Mahone testily asks why he'd do that. Wheeler says bitterly, "Because one of the other escapees just killed a civilian." Mahone asks Wheeler to call the field office in Madison and get some agents out there on the scene. Wheeler says, "Okay. I'll notify headquarters." Mahone is all, "Come again? Am I not the boss of you?" and Wheeler replies that indeed, Mahone is not the boss of him. Everything is now going through direct headquarters. Mahone looks like he can barely swallow his dismay at this. Wheeler heads off to clear Mahone's plan, then his mobile rings.
Oh, delightful -- Agent Kim has heard about Haywire as well. He brightly says, "He goes!" Mahone protests, "The man is mentally ill. He doesn't know anything, he's not a --" "He was one of Scofield's cellmates for a while. Scofield included him in the escape. Who knows what he knows?" Kim points out. Mahone tries to make the "Speaking of Scofield... " argument, but Kim is all, "Eh, not to worry. Do the clean-up duty on this one." Mahone snaps the phone shut, simmering with fury.
Speaking of people who are marinating in righteous rage, here's Dr. Sara in the train station. A few yards away, Michael watches her glower while Kellerman stands to him and snows a train agent into believing that "I'm transporting a fugitive to Chicago. I need you to clear a car for me." The train agent stammers that they're already near capacity, and Kellerman asks, "Do you want him to rub elbows with the other passengers?" The train agent gulps and says, "No, sir. (pause) What's he wanted for?" In a can-I-get-you-to-buy-this? tone, Kellerman replies, "Killing people?" The agent looks at Michael's Blue Steel and turns away, muttering, "Good lord." Heh.
No sooner do those two follow the agent into the train than Linc approaches Dr. Sara. He looks down, then says, "It's going to be all right." "If you say so," she replies skeptically. Linc tells her, "We'll use him to get what we need, then we'll dump him." Dr. Sara whispers her assent. Linc sighs, pushes back his hat, sits down, and apologizes nicely for Dr. Sara getting dragged into a conspiracy that killed her dad, left her as a wanted woman, and now has her traveling in the company of the guy who ruined Calgon for her forever. "The fact that you're helping us means a lot. Thank you," he adds. He reaches over and pats her arm reassuringly. Dr. Sara looks over.
Inside the train car, the nervous agent is showing Kellerman and Michael to their seats. After Kellerman confirms that nobody's coming in the car, he whistles Lincoln and Dr. Sara forward. They hop into the car, and Kellerman says, "We'll be in Chicago in five hours. You'll want to get some rest." Michael would like to sit and stare at Dr. Sara for a while. And so, as it turns out, would Kellerman. Love triangle? Or prelude to the Who Will Kill Whom First? show?
Meanwhile, back at Fox River, Mahone walks into a room. He says, "Brad," then begins chortling darkly -- "You don't look too good." Bellick spits, "I helped you with Sara Tancredi and you were supposed to get me into Ad(minstrative)Seg(regation)!" Mahone replies, "I tried. But your new warden -- eeeccch." It's amusing. And I wish that the writers would come up with a way for Mahone to stop being such a miserable S.O.B., because the character's mordant sense of humor is so appealing, and William Fichtner has such a dry delivery, and it would be SO AWESOME to have a wicked wit on this show instead of dozens of broody men. Now enough about that -- as it turns out Mahone has a Plan B that could either work out well or be a hot, wet disaster: "You found Burrows and Scofield through the Russian girl, right? And you tracked down Bagwell by following Susan Hollander." Bellick charmingly replies, "Yeah, and I blow my nose with my right hand and I wipe my ass with my left. What off it?" Mahone shifts, then says quietly, "I've got very powerful people behind me that want me to finish my job. They can push through the quickest habeas corpus proceedings the courts have ever seen. Paperwork sitting on the right person's desk as we speak, setting forth alllll the constitutional violations in your prosecution. It's just waiting to be rubber-stamped." Bellick asks, "And what do I have to do?" Mahone replies, "You just find those cons. Only thing is, this time, you're going to do it for me. Unofficially, under the radar, no paper trail." Bellick gives him a dubious look. Mahone leans in and implores, "I need a junkyard dog who's willing to do the ugly things it takes to bring a con to justice. Are you my dog, Brad?" For a moment, Brad Bellick's face is replaced by Iggy Pop's, then reality reasserts himself. Bellick replies, "Damn hell yeah, I am."
And this is where I put Bellick into the death pool. The minute you get dragged into the One World Conspiracy, however remotely, you're in the pool. However, I suspect that because Mahone's now using Bellick to do his dirty work, Bellick's swum over to the deep end of that particular pool.
Back on the train, Michael's looking out of the window. A few rows over, Dr. Sara's having flashbacks that explain her entire history with Kellerman to the just-tuned-in and double as PTSD signifiers. She snaps out of it, then walks over to Michael to ask if he knows any way she can get some water. He trots off to check on the bathroom downstairs. Dr. Sara gets up a few seconds later, and as she passes Kellerman, he says coolly, "It was nothing personal, Sara. War never is." She scoffs, then slides behind him and quickly garrotes him with the string from her hoodie. We go to the break as Kellerman begins clawing at his throat.
Then we come back, and as Kellerman's scrambling for leverage so he can loosen the noose, Dr. Sara flashes back to him pulling her out of the tub for one moment before dunking her again. There's more back-and-forth cuts between the present action and the tub-torture sequences, and just as Kellerman's gurgles begin to drop in frequency, Linc notices what's going on and strides toward the back of the train. He goes for Sara's hands. Michael happens to come back up, and he lifts Dr. Sara away from Kellerman. She is furious, ready to come at Kellerman with her bare hands. Michael tells her to settle down while Kellerman gets up. He grins for a moment, then lunges for Dr. Sara. Unfortunately for him, he has forgotten that Linc's in the way. How he can forget -- the man's the size of a tank, and the light gleaming off his pecs can double as a floodlight -- is a mystery. Kellerman lamely tries to recover with, "You get one of those. One." Then there's a knock on the door, so he orders everyone down while he deals with the train dude.
The nervous guy is all, "Hi, these stoners claimed to hear a fight?" Kellerman does not snap, "You can tell Harold and Kumar to turn back to the sliders and let me handle the law enforcement," but it's darn close. Kellerman slams the door. Then he turns to his traveling companions and tries to regain control of that situation, saying, "Just so we're all clear, if she tries to do that again... " "You'll do what?" Michael sullenly inquires. Linc adds, with casual menace, "Stay on the other side of the car." Kellerman looks around, all So that's how it's going to be, huh? Dr. Sara snarls, "It was nothing personal, Paul," then heads out to the bathroom. Kellerman desperately tries to save face.
Back at Fox River, Bellick -- out of prison blues and in a white dress shirt and rolled-up sleeves -- casually strolls on out, grabs a key from its spot on the top of a blue truck's tire, then hops into a blue truck. Inside, there's a fat wad of cash, an FBI dossier, and a sticky note with his name on it. Bellick also finds a gun and a badge. Grinning, he drives away. Given how easy it was for Bellick to just waltz on out of there, I am now wondering why Michael bothered to construct such an elaborate escape plan. All he had to do was find a way to get to the motor pool.
And now, in a completely different plotline, we jump to Benson, Minnesota, where C-Note and Dede are sitting at a diner counter. He's trying to coax his daughter to eat, but she tells him she doesn't feel good. We quick cut to C-Note flushing the restroom toilet: Dede's crouched in front, and he's wrapped himself around her, and while it's very sweet and parental (I have mentioned that I dig the way Rockmond Dunbar plays C-Note as a father, yes?), before I can stop myself, I ask the cats, "So did he not pick up the prescription that Kacee dropped in the trash back in Dakota? Was her going into the pharmacy and getting made all for nothing?" C-Note hugs her, and because he's behind her, we get to see the desperate, calculating look on his face. He scoops his daughter up, gives her a reassuring smile, then heads to the cashier's to ask for the check, but right as he's about to pay, some young man who's very angry about his 1990s-era sideburns and 2000s-era big hair decides to stick up the joint. Of course.
Back on the train, Michael's headed down to the bathroom to talk to Dr. Sara. He knocks on the bathroom door and calls her name, and she replies, "Not now." I don't blame her. The time I'm in a lushly-appointed facility the size of my bedroom, I'm telling everyone to scram too. Michael sighs, debates pushing it, then heads back upstairs in full Blue Steel mode. He and Kellerman exchange meaningful looks, then Michael sits down to chat with Lincoln. I don't know why he bothers -- Linc is all, "Blah blah, doom and gloom, blah blah" as per usual. Poor Michael! He doesn't even have reading material to hide behind, so he's stuck repudiating El Pessimistimo. For this, he torpedoed his old life?
Kellerman decides to duck out of the car and call Madame Evil. She picks up immediately. Who knew the President of the United States hung out by the phone waiting for a boy to call? If this gets out, it will wreak havoc on her foreign policy: "Oh, I can't possibly go to the state dinner tonight -- Nouri al-Maliki said he'd call. It's been two days!" Anyway, Kellerman says, "Caroline, you said you were going to make this right. I need some specifics." She replies only, "Where are you? What's that noise?" Kellerman tells her he's on a train headed for Chicago, and he'll be there later today. He presses again for specifics, and Madame Evil replies, "Where are Burrows and Scofield. Are they with you?" Kellerman snaps back, "Don't worry about them. Worry about me!" He does not add, "I was nearly strangled twice today! There! Worried yet?" Madame Evil does not protest that she does worry about her little magnificent bastard. Instead, she dangles the prospect of being chief-of-staff in front of him. Kellerman does not reply, "Since I'm officially erased from existing, how's that going to help the hiring process?" He promises only that when they get to Chicago, they'll meet.
Meanwhile, out in Minnesota, the hold-up is still in progress. The robber decides to give C-Note some lip, and he replies, "Look, my daughter is sick, and I don't want to spend any more minutes in here than [is] necessary. Trust me -- that is all [the cash] that I have." The robber moves on. When a bulky older guy goes to rush the robber, he back-hands him with his gun hand. C-Note tells him to calm down, and the robber screams, "Shut! Up!" A dedicated contingent of forum posters begins applauding. C-Note does not shut. Instead, he just... talks himself into taking over the situation: "Listen to me. You have got to calm down. I can get you everything you want, but you don't want to hurt anybody else, right? Come on. Look -- listen -- hey ... why don't you lock the door and turn the 'Closed' sign back so everybody thinks that this place is closed. And then we can get away from the windows." A blonde waitress closes the door and flips the sign, and then C-Note suggests that everyone move over to the far side of the room. The robber is too panicky to notice that not only is C-Note practicing crowd control, he's just grabbed the hearts and minds of the crowd too. C-Note sends Dede to the back of the room with Blonde Waitress Lady, then puts himself between the crowd and the robber, saying, "We're all good, right?"
Back on the train, back down at the bathroom door. I give points to Michael for heading back down there again. This time, Dr. Sara lets him in, and he wanders over to one corner, waiting for her to speak. Dr. Sara tells him, "I, uh, I jumped bail, I'm on the run, and I just tried to take a man's life." She looks over at Michael, who is wearing his broody face, and tells him, "I'm not using, which is actually quite an accomplishment." Michael does not respond. She looks away, noting, "About three weeks ago, I was a doctor." And, unless the state certification boards move really quickly, she still is, no? She's just between gigs. Michael tells her, "You can get that back... you need to believe that." Dr. Sara looks over at him and asks, "Do you believe that? Do you think you can get it all back?" It's a nicely-composed shot: she's sitting in front of a mirror, so while she appears to be looking at Michael, he also appears to be behind her. Go wild, all ye semioticians. Michael moves over to her, sits down, says, "I choose to have faith, because without that, I have nothing." Dr. Sara gives him a skeptical look, and he adds matter-of-factly, "It's the only thing keeping me going." Sara replies, "I got two things keeping me going: the first is that I want the people who took my dad. And actually, the second... ironically, I wouldn't even say, if I hadn't lost, um... you should know that, uh... the first thing they tell you when you take the job is, um, never to fall in love with an inmate."
Michael is staring at Dr. Sara, and when she finally looks over at him, he reaches over and kisses her. And the first long kiss is all very sweet, but when he pulls away, Dr. Sara's giving him a look like, Brace yourself, Wenticorn, I'm about to take you for the ride of your life, and then they're off and going for the twelve seconds. Just when things are about to get interesting, the train's brakes slam on and we hear the sharp squeal of deceleration.
Upstairs, Linc hangs his head out the nearest door. Kellerman joins him and they see a roadblock up ahead. We go to what would have been the commercials. When we come back, we see that Linc has decided to get around the locked-boxcar dilemma by just climbing up on top of the train, walking from car to car, then popping in to say hi to the conductor. Unfortunately, the conductor is not a gracious host, what with yelling, "Hey! You can't be in here!" So Linc upbraids him for his etiquette gaffe by putting his pistol in the guy's face. Within seconds, Linc's let in the rest of his traveling companions. He orders the conductor to run the roadblock. The train does. Unlike nearly every other train vs. car confrontation in the history of American rail transit, this one does not end with the trail derailing and creating the leading story on the local 6 PM news.
Then we cut to Bellick practicing his whole "Brad Bellick, FBI agent" line. It is quite poignant. Once he settles on an introduction that works for him -- "Brad Bellick. I'm with the Bureau" -- he takes it inside and uses it on Sasha. She seems unimpressed. She rolls her eyes as she tells him she's already talked to the cops. Bellick replies, "Yeah, well, I'm no local hayseed cop." He's right -- he's an imported hayseed ex-C.O. That's got to be higher on the law enforcement food chain. Bellick tells Sasha to stop lying, and he reads back her clearly false account in a tremendously skeptical voice. He tells her, "Charles 'Haywire' Patoshik is a paranoid who suffers from fear of crowds. He's terrified of strangers. If he's anywhere, he's in the middle of nowhere keeping to himself, bein' a weirdo." Sasha rolls her eyes and drawls, "And... ?" Bellick lies about being a tremendously decorated agent and points out that, as such, he will make a more credible witness than a juvenile delinquent. It's just too bad Sasha can't rebut, "And who do you think has a bigger credibility problem -- me or the guy who was recently railroaded into a conviction for killing his pal?" Instead she says, "I didn't ask him to do it, but if you didn't notice, I'm not exactly broken up over my dad's death. Why can't you just leave this Patoshik guy alone?" Bellick threatens to lock Sasha up if she doesn't give up Haywire's location. Seconds later, Bellick's called Mahone to pass on his lead. Mahone orders, "I'm on my way. Keep him there. Alone." On his way out the door, he snippily tells Wheeler, "Any information on Burrows and Scofield, I want to be notified instantly -- if that works out for you." Wheeler rolls his eyes. As do I, my friend. As do I.
Back on the train, Michael and Linc debate their course of action. Since there will be cops at the station, perhaps it would be in their best interest to jump before then. Then again, jumping won't help in the long run.
Naturally, this is when we cut to the diner. C-Note is collecting everyone's valuables, apologizing sincerely. When he hands over the bag, the robber decides it's time to try and regain control of the situation: "Everyone in the storage room now. Get back there until the cops show up." C-Note looks at the man as if he's lost his mind. He tells the guy, "No. I'm a wanted man. The police show up, they'll take me back to prison, and that's fine. But my little girl right here, she's sick, and she's going to be left alone, and I can't let that happen. So can you please let us go?" The guy finally agrees to let C-Note and Dede go, then orders everyone to the back except Blonde Waitress. Because C-Note is not at all okay with turn of events, he tucks Dede into the doorway, then heads back over towards the robber to say, "I think you should let her go, man ... You got the money. Burglary and assault? Hey, that's change, man, but this right here? You will be in prison for the rest of your life, believe me on that." The robber says, "Unless you want your daughter to see you die, move."
C-Note does move. To be more precise, he moves his fist into the guy's face. After a brief fracas, C-Note gains the upper hand. He twirls around -- stopping long enough to order his daughter, "Sweetie, stay right there!" -- then groans as he hears the police sirens approaching. We see the cars screech around the corner, then cut to the robber groaning on the floor as one of the diner patrons unlocks the door. The cops look at the battered man and demand to know, "Who did this?" The collected patrons are all silent until finally the big beefy guy who was pistol-whipped earlier steps forward to drawl, "I did." I bet you that guy's nickname in school was "Tiny." Meanwhile, Blonde Waitress is helping C-Note and Dede escape out the back.
Cut to Haywire breaking camp, muttering to himself as he does so. His uneasy meditation is broken by Bellick bellowing, "Haywire! Don't move!" Haywire's eyes bug out to a point that would have made Marty Feldman begin blinking uncomfortably, then he hollers for Barnabas to begin running. Barnabas does not run. Haywire does. I think we see now that Barnabas is a fickle, fickle friend.
Back on the train, the conductor's getting word that there are four jumpers -- three men and a woman. He picks up his radio and passes the word around. We all take a break.
And then, whoosh! We're back, thanks to the miracle of commercial-free digital tracks. We see people wearing clothing that is very similar to our gang's and they're all running with the cops in hot pursuit. But the minute the police pull out their guns, one of the runners begins shouting hysterically, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" Everyone turns around, and we see that one of the runners is, in fact, the same poor guy who got schnookered by Kellerman into the whole "I'm-transporting-a-fugitive" scheme. We learn via flashback that he gave the jumper message under duress, then was shoved out of the train at gunpoint. He tells the cops, "They told us to jump and run and not look back, or they'd shoot us." We do not get to see the cops' faces as they calculate this monumental waste of taxpayer dollars. On a slightly related note: I would love it if someone in Mahone's office was tallying the cost of all the assorted police fake-outs and pursuits. I know I'm curious as to how many hundreds of thousands of dollars the pursuit of assorted Team Escarpara members has cost.
Cut to Kellerman and company just casually strolling off the train at the stop. Kellerman muses on how they need to find a car.
Then we go to Haywire, who is the only runner on this show that makes Michael look like something out of Chariots of Fire. Bellick, on the other hand, looks quite nimble. They've arrived at some decaying thing -- let's call it a grain elevator, since A) Wisconsin would have moved things across the Great Lakes (Gordon Lightfoot wouldn't lie to us, would he?) and B) this sort of thing looks like just the place to store the local farms' grain until it could be dumped into shipping containers. So -- grain elevator it is. The point is it's big and industrial and has many ladders. Haywire is heading up one now. Bellick declines to follow. He calls Mahone and tells him, "I got Haywire trapped." "Don't do anything -- just hold him 'til I get there," Mahone orders.
We go back to the Fantastic Four -- oh, come on! Why not? Does Linc not resemble the Thing with clobberin' time? Could Kellerman not pass for Mister Fantastic, since his neck has turned out to have fantastic stretching properties? Sure, the one-to-one comparison breaks down into screaming heebie-jeebies when you get to Sue and Johnny Storm vs. Michael and Dr. Sara, but nothing's perfect. Anyway, these fantastic four are cruising through the parking lot, casually checking doors to see if any are open, and it is worth noting that despite having swapped clothing with the hapless jumpers, Linc has STILL managed to find something that shares his sternum with the world. Michael, on the other hand, has definitely gotten the short end of the stick in this clothing swap.
Kellerman whips out his phone to buzz Madame Evil. The first words out of her mouth are, "Paul, where are you?" He replies, "Did you send the police?" Madame Evil tries to sound outraged, and then Kellerman has his own series of flashbacks to allllll the times where Agent Kim was all, "So! You're no longer talking directly to the president. It's all me. Me me me me me me me me." Kellerman abruptly asks, "Where did we spend my 35th birthday? The restaurant? Where was it? You remember."
We cut to the back of some blonde's head. She's saying, in a completely different voice, "Don't be ridiculous. I have to go." Kellerman says, "Do not hang up." Madam Feeble repeats, "I have to go." Kellerman says, "Hey -- whoever this is? Tell Bill Kim that he just screwed up, big-time." Cut to the waifish blonde turning to look at Agent Kim and shrugging. He does the face-palm thing, and that is so delightful, it more than makes up for my disappointment that it wasn't Kim -- in a blonde wig for "getting into character" -- on the phone. I hope it was good for you too.
By the time Mahone's on the scene, so are a dozen gawking local yokels. Bellick explains that when "some wacko climbs to the top of a grain elevator" -- we pause so I can shout triumphantly, "Ha! Haaaaaaa! I win!" -- "people want to watch." Mahone hisses at Bellick that he was supposed to keep a handle on things. Ha-- they're like the Odd Couple of renegade law enforcement. Mahone tells the local sheriff to back off 'cause Bellick's his, then climbs the ladder. He stops on the way up to take a few of his crazy pills, then hops up to Haywire.
"How you doing, Charles?" Mahone asks quietly. Haywire, who is sitting, looks up at him and says, "I don't want to go back to prison." Mahone chortles and says, "I don't blame you." Haywire adds, "I want to go to Holland." Mahone, still standing a ways away, laughs ruefully and says, "That's not what I expected to hear. But you can't go there, son." Shaking his head furiously, Haywire pulls out his painting, unfolds it, and points at the windmill, saying tearfully, "I just want to go here. See?" Mahone looks at that, and his entire body cringes back as he exhales. (Can you tell I love this scene? Well-played, both of you.) After a moment, Mahone says quietly, "I tell you what. You don't have to go to prison. But you can't go to Holland either." Haywire childishly protests, "Oh, no no no no no no no." Mahone leans forward and says, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay -- you're... you're in a tough spot. You feel trapped, you got no options, and you're caught in a situation where you've got no control." Wow -- project much, Mahone? At least he didn't add, "And you're working for this total tool! And you hate him!" Mahone says, "I know how you feel. I do. It takes its toll on you, and all you want to do is run." We cut to Haywire, looking pensive. Mahone asks, "But run where?" Haywire says pleadingly, "I just want to go."
A long, quiet moment passes before Mahone says, "There's a way out." Haywire looks up at him, his eyes wide. As the unsettling, haunting strains of "Home" by Alexi Murdoch start up, Mahone nods. Haywire sobs, "Out of this maze." Mahone -- his face a study in regret -- whispers, "Yeah."
The guitar picks out its tense, throbbing melody and we zoo to Chicago. Inside a stolen car, Kellerman is explaining to Dr. Sara and Michael, "There are private humidors in the back. Each member's name is on the box." Then he points out, "I'm not a wanted fugitive. Give me the key. I'll do it." Michael just grins at him like, Yeah, right. He turns to Sara, and in a voice that locks out everyone else around them, asks, "You want to take a walk?"
We cut to Mahone saying, "I know you killed your parents because they hurt you. And I know you killed that guy yesterday because he was hurting Sasha, but what you did -- it was wrong. You know that." Haywire sighs, more in sorrow. He looks up at Mahone and says tremulously, "I want to go." Mahone's face smoothes into a blank and he says, "You can." Haywire pulls himself to his feet and says, "I want to go now." He looks over the rail. Mahone looks faintly nauseous at Haywire actually getting up. He quickly looks down too. Haywire looks at Mahone, and Mahone says, reluctantly, "It's okay." And Haywire jumps.
We cut back and forth between shots of his falling body and Michael and Dr. Sara walking up the stairs. As Dr. Sara opens the door, Michael says, "Oh, Sara... about before. Me too." These two have the most inarticulate, nonspecific courtship. What must their Valentines look like? Little candy hearts reading "The first rule... " and "Me too"? The two of them head inside, smiling slightly.
Mahone watches Haywire all the way down, all the way to the point where we hear a moist and splintering thud. Then he turns away. On the ground, Bellick looks sick. We cut to Haywire, who's looking remarkably good for someone who hit the ground at a fair clip. As the music plays, "Gently down the stream... " we see that his map of Holland is laying inches from his fingertips. Rest in peace, Haywire. Here's hoping there's windmills where you're going.