In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
After Paige is completely awesome regarding Emily's kissing session with Cousin Nate, you know it's only a matter of time before something terrible happens, and it totally does! Turns out Paige and Alison had a violent history that Paige's kept silent about, but once Cece Drake fills Spencer in on the basics, that old Hastings Magic starts up and Spencer decides Paige killed everybody. Emily, on the other hand, turns pretty viciously on the other Liars as a result of their meddling.
Seems that Ali was scared enough of Paige that she rigged a blackmail plot using Emily as bait, resulting in a coming-out letter that Alison used against her enemy until her death. Spencer refers to Paige as a "snake" at one point, and they go through her purse, but not before someone locks Spencer in a dressing room and starts throwing real snakes at her. Like a boss, Cece Drake eventually saves her, but we're left wondering exactly what happened and why.
Meanwhile, Wesley Fitzgerald is fantastic in supporting Aria after she visits Maggie -- the girl Ezra knocked up and his mom bought off -- and learns that Ezra's son is very much alive. Aria's constant fussing about Maggie has induced Ezra to give her a call of his own, though, and she doesn’t mention anything about their child. So now Wesley and Aria have two problems, because if Maggie is only lying as part of the agreement with Diane, then setting Ezra off could have dire consequences for the kid himself.
Hanna spends the episode freaking out about that USB drive Spencer threw at Ian the night Mona murdered him, in that church that time, which Pastor Ted has randomly found. She warns Jenna -- after all, it contains her major secret -- and tries to come up with multiple plans in sexy secret places with Caleb to get it back, but eventually it's Ashley who destroys it: Seems one of the videos was from her days of sexual bribery with Officer Wilden.
And anyway, Hanna's got bigger problems: They find the other earring from Aria's casket tribute in Paige's stuff, and Emily is less interested in discussing her with them than ever. In the end, it's Jenna Thing of all people who confirms Spencer's suspicions, warning Emily in a hysterical way to no avail, and it's with a heavy pounding heart that we see Paige possibly closing her trap after all. And in the A-Tag, we finally get two A's in the same place, which is unexpectedly chilling for some reason.
week: Marathon, and then the finale, #thebetrAyal, Maya's killer revealed, a bomb threat, and Spencer coming at Paige head-on. After that, it's two months of webisodes -- which sound really weird, they're about that Halloween store and will involve Lucas and Cece Drake, as well as Noel Kahn -- and then the Halloween Special. Meantime, hats off to one of the best episodes this show's ever done, and serious anticipation for week.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!I'm just gonna say, even for this show, this is one hell of an episode. Absolutely brilliant from start to finish.
PREVIOUSLY
Spencer got chased through a church like a million years ago, which resulted in Ian dying like six or seven times, and also involved her throwing the USB drive into the pews to distract him. As with most pieces of evidence, especially when Spencer's involved, nobody remembered it after the fact. Cece Drake showed up out of nowhere, and proceeded to act like a boss. Ezra's 99 problems included a babymama. Noel Kahn's cabin has a secret robot murder room, which attacked Hanna's leg. Paige is on a rampage because of Emily accidentally kissing Cousin Nate.
MARIN
Hanna: "How come I'm the only one who has to actually heal at a normal rate? Now, Spencer, I've asked you here because I simply need the most hideous clothing to distract from my sucking leg wound, and Aria is busy."
Spencer: "That giant peasant skirt should do it. You look like the Gyptians."
Hanna: "Perfect! Now nobody will notice my tiny leg bandage."
Spencer: "And yet nothing about your plainly visible bra."
Wren calls and Hanna acts super incredibly shady about it, setting off Spencer's understanding of the obvious, and even refers to him as "Downton Grabby," which is amazing, but Hanna blows it off.
DOWNSTAIRS
Pastor Ted: "Hey, I found this thumb drive in my church from that time Ian tried to kill Spencer. It's got weird footage of your daughter being spied on."
(Hanna & Spencer: "Eventually our habit of completely forgetting evidence after every episode was going to bite us in the ass, I suppose.")
Ashley: "Well, there was some shit that once went down. Perhaps you've heard of the ongoing tragedy and near-constant murder that is my daughter's regular life?"
(Hanna: "Okay, here's the thing about that thumb drive though, is that it has Jenna's rape footage on it. If he takes it to the cops, she'll think that we sold her out! And I would never do that, because I'm such a good friend.")
Ashley randomly ends up with the USB drive and puts it down for a sec, but then surprises the girls trying to snatch it.
Ashley: "What the fuck? Is this Mona stuff?"
Hanna: "Yeah, it's no big deal. Just don't give it to the cops, they'll move her away."
Ashley: "Guess what, I am not hugely in favor of Mona. I'm going to arbitrarily watch these in the future. Now get your shit and get in the car. We need to talk about your horrible outfit."
FITZSIMMONS
Aria: "Brought you flowers, little lady. Happy birthday!"
Ezra: "I don't like to think about our ages. Let me just lounge around in my boxers for a while. Oh, and I wrote an email to Maggie but I didn't send it."
Aria: "This falls under the heading of things that don't matter to me."
Ezra: "Well, I feel like maybe my mom destroyed her life. You know, like how she got all rabid with you at that museum. I'm starting to feel bad about being a bystander while my mom put that girl through hell."
Aria: "I guess my birthday present will be giving a shit about your drama for once."
BREW WINDOW
Emily: "It's so nice to just chill with you in the morning before school. Our relationship is going real smoothly, I can't tell you how nice that is."
Paige: "You are in so much trouble and you don't even know it. I've given you several opportunities to tell me a thing and you're not telling me."
Emily: "Oh hey, no big deal but I kissed Cousin Nate."
Paige: "Tell me more about why that would happen."
Emily: "Listen, I'm confused as you are."
Paige: "I'm not confused, idiot. You both loved Maya and you lost her. Yeah, I went on a trash-kicking rampage, but I'm cool now."
Emily: "Wow, you really are being cool. I hope this doesn't end horribly for everybody."
QUAD
Spencer: "Why is Ezra even concerned about some girl he knocked up? He's like a million years old, that was a long time ago."
Aria: "I kind of pushed and shoved and bugged him until it was all he could think about."
Spencer: "Turn the car around, Montgomery. Do not go there."
Aria: "This is my relationship, Spencer. Don't boss me."
Spencer: "First of all, I will always boss you. I'm Spencer Hastings. And second of all, the fuck you say. I'm pretty sure Ezra is a community problem. If you didn't want input from the rest of us, then why don't you ever shut up about him?"
Aria: "It almost makes me seem unbearably self-centered when you put it that way."
Cece Drake: "Hey, here's a flyer! It's a sort of a fundraiser. We're sacrificing virgins to a dark God."
Spencer: "Listen, what are you doing in my school?"
Cece Drake: "Actually, you knew about this. It's a trunk show for the boutique, and you promised to help me, and also you owe me for the UPenn thing I may or may not have done."
Spencer: "I like it when you're a bitch to me like this. We all do. We miss Alison that much. Anything I can do to help..."
Cece Drake: "-- Hold the phone. Why is Emily talking to fucking Paige McCullers?"
Spencer: "Ha! I know, right?"
Cece Drake: "No, this is a serious plotpoint. That chick is bad news."
Spencer: "Well, she hasn't tried to drown Emily in weeks, and only date-raped her the one time... Our policy is that as long as Emily isn't actively pursuing death or doing various drugs all the time, we're cool with letting her do whatever she wants."
Cece Drake: "First of all, Ali and I used to call that bitch 'Pigskin,' which is straight-up incredible, and second of all, they had a blood feud. Ali would shit if she saw this."
FLASHBACK
Spencer had a headband on, and Aria was dressed like Sister Grimm from Runaways, so you knew it was gonna be good. Man, we haven't seen an Ali flashback in like a million years, it's all been Maya's Website Page and stuff. I missed that old asshole!
Alison: "Nice top you're shopping for there, but you really don't have the tits for it. I hereby commandeer this top for the good of us all. Try showing off your powerful field hockey legs instead of advertising for something you don't have in stock."
Spencer: "I just thought it was pretty."
Alison: "Less 'thinking,' more 'giving me that top.'"
Hefty Hanna: "Shit, Ali! What's with that huge livid bruise that covers your whole entire back?"
Alison: "This old thing? Pigskin kicked me in soccer. I'm taking care of it."
Hefty Hanna: "Is this the girl that threw that muffin at you?"
Alison: "No, that's Triple Nipple, she's harmless."
Aria made an amazing, hilarious face at this. Don't you get the feeling that Lucy Hale is a really funny person? All of them seem that way -- Mona particularly -- but sometimes those Aria reaction shots just make the scene.
Spencer: "Why do you call her Pigskin? It seems like there's a story there."
Alison: "Bumpy thighs. She says it's eczema, but I'm like, 'Whatever, just stop poking yourself below the equator.'"
Liars: "We don't even know what that could possibly mean, but it is awesome."
Alison: "Anyway. After we blow up that one girl and blackmail half of last year's graduating class and I go to Hilton Head eleven times and learn to fly a plane and make out with a bunch of people on film and drive Lucas and Mona to suicide and stage elaborate trust scenarios for Halloween with dozens of people involved and bury shit all over town and get several storage lockers together and buy some secret-compartment snow globes and go to sex parties at Noel Kahn's robot house and snap a girl's neck at a frat party, I'm totally taking that no-neck bitch down."
Spencer: "I feel like somebody should be writing all this down."
NOW
Cece Drake: "Anyway, come do all my work for me at this trunk show."
Spencer: "No problem, I have to stare blatantly at Paige McCullers for about an hour first, though."
Paige: "Hey, Spencer. I'm just going to spookily stare back at you for that long also."
COMPUTER CLASS
I was thinking about this the other day and I just remembered I need to ask my siblings about it, but like, is there such a thing as Typing anymore? Do people learn to do that in school? It seems weird, like getting elective credit for breathing in and out at a constant rate.
Anyway, what's going on is so cute. Hanna and Caleb are in class, IMing romantically because it's fun to have a secret. There's a very odd voiceover effect that I am not digging, but it's still nice. Storywise, the bulk of the conversation is about that USB drive, specifically how either Jenna or A is going to murder them both if it gets to the cops. I hadn't really thought about that part, so good on Hanna. Caleb doesn't think they should steal it, because he's seen this show before and he knows what's gonna happen .
Jenna: "Hanna, get off that fucking computer so I can use it."
Hanna: "Fine, but I'm closing this window."
I bet it's a lot more fun computing when you don't have to connect fifty blind-people devices to it every time. Not that I ever understood what she was doing in those moments. She sits, glares in Caleb's direction, and he glares right back at her. I am finally getting used to the concept of her eyeballs, I'm happy to say.
UGH NATE
Emily: "Hey, I borrowed Paige's bike! Just some information I'm sharing with you, as a sort of salutation."
Cousin Nate: "I was just giving the stinkeye to a guy reading the newspaper, because it mentions Garrett's trial. You know, that dude who didn't kill Maya? Still mad at him. Oh hey, you look really hot on a bike."
Emily: "You know what they say about a fish without a bicycle? Even more true when I've got the bicycle."
Cousin Nate: "Wanna grab a 'slice'?"
Emily: "No, because we're not dating. Because I am dating somebody else, and because I am a lesbian. And because you are an infinite creeper."
Cousin Nate: "How about after practice? Will we be dating then?"
Emily: "Did you ever think that trying to get me to date you based on the murder of my girlfriend is an odd way to go about doing things?"
Cousin Nate: "There were moments I questioned my plan, but then it worked. So."
Emily: "Yeah, about that. I'm gay and I have a girlfriend. Sorry I kissed you that time, but I am a total trainwreck because of my dead girlfriend."
Cousin Nate: "Much like Maya, you are reckless. Not impulsive, but crazy. She used to pull this shit on guys all the time. Because she was a bitch and a cocktease."
Emily: "Wow, you have made this easy. Later!"
THAT'S SO ARIA
Aria, because what's a better plan than doing the absolute worst thing you can think of, has decided to visit Maggie at work. She's a teacher in elementary school and she has total crazy eyes.
Maggie: "Come right in, little girl! I can't wait to talk to you about early childhood education! Don't mind my total crazy eyes or my Mia Farrow hairdo."
Aria: "Wow, this became a bad idea immediately."
LOCKER HALL
Spencer: "Emily! What's going on, in a nutshell?"
Emily: "I kissed Cousin Nate and he -- as usual -- acted super sketch. What do you want?"
Spencer: "Wow, intense. Um, did Ali or Paige ever talk to you about their blood feud they had going on?"
Emily: "Cece liberates us from the comforting lies we shelter ourselves from. Don't listen to her unless you want things to become radical. She gives me the willies. It was the thing I liked least about Ali."
Spencer: "It was my favorite thing about her. But back to Paige. You know how that bitch is 100 percent crazy?"
Emily: "Yeah, what's your point?"
Spencer: "So like... You've been dating her off and on for a year, and she never mentioned being at war with our dead best friend?"
Emily: "Cece is the new Alison in this way also, pitting us against each other for fun."
Spencer: "This isn't about Cece! This is about the fact that Pigskin tried to kill you multiple times and went trash-kicking and her dad is crazy and she date-raped you."
Amazing. This is amazing. Also, somebody is now watching and listening to them.
Emily: "I don't have to listen to this slander! She had a lot going on back then!"
Spencer: "Yeah, like being totally nuts and also super sneaky and sketchy! She's a snake*! She lobbied to get you thrown off the swim team..."
Emily screams at her and stomps off, and Spencer just about cries from how bad that went.
CHERRY BOMB
You know how sometimes Jenna used to sit around on stuff, eating snacks like pistachios as though they were sinister dairy products? Well, she still does it. Somehow it's even more disconcerting these days.
Hanna: "Jenna! How's it goin', you old so-and-so?"
Jenna: Silently and menacingly yanks a cherry stem at her. Pop! It is the best part of the episode.
Hanna: "Anyway, you know how we have video footage of you raping your brother? You know, Toby? The brother you raped over and over?"
Jenna: "I vaguely remember that, yeah."
Hanna: "Anyway, that's probably going to the cops. Heads up."
Jenna: "Well, thanks for telling me. You'd probably better tell your loved ones how you feel and make out a motherfucking will."
The shades go back on, is how thrown Hanna's got her, and I don't even think Hanna realizes. Jenna is so sad. She turns it into rage.
Cousin Nate: "Hey, Hanna! Do you know where Emily is and whether or not we're dating?"
Hanna: "NATE! SHE IS GAY! SHE DATED YOUR COUSIN! WORK IT OUT!"
Cousin Nate: "Not that simple."
Hanna: "No, it really is. Emily's like the simplest person -- and I mean this in the best way -- in the whole world."
Cousin Nate: "You know who else is a tease and a bitch? Jenna."
Hanna: "I know, right? Like how she pretended to be blind."
Cousin Nate: "Well, now I have two girls to be freaky and sketchy about."
FIRST GRADE
Maggie: "So, you're going to be a teacher. That should be really fulfilling."
Aria: "I'm not sure where I should live, like a city or a small town or somewhere haunted. I guess it just depends on the dating scene."
Maggie: "This conversation makes little to no sense, but I can tell you I get laid on the reg."
A little boy with the Fitzgerald look to him runs up, to ask if he can take a play date with some other little boy, and Maggie tells him no.
Aria: "The fuck was that about?"
Maggie: "Malcolm is clearly my son. Annnd now I see you doing the math... Yes, I was a Teen Mom way before the Palins made it cool."
Aria: "If you'll excuse me, my brains just exploded out of my nose and mouth."
TRUNK SHOW
Spencer: "I'm not sure I can actually rally any of the other Liars, Cece Drake. Hanna's about to fuck with police evidence again and possibly get killed by a ghost or formerly blind chick, Aria's off contemplating the end of the world as we know it, and Emily..."
Cece Drake: "Oh, FFS. She's ditching us for Pigskin? I need bodies!"
Spencer: "There will be bodies, trust me. But I think maybe I pissed Emily off by calling her attention to some facts about which she was trying to stay in denial."
Cece Drake: "Oh, Spencer. I can't believe you brought up Pigskin and Ali to Emily just like anyone would have assumed you would!"
Spencer: "Tell me deets on this war, then. What were they fighting about?"
Cece Drake: "Emily."
Nice! Did not see that coming. But what could it mean?
MORE FLASHBACK! YAY!
Oh my God this is insane. Ali and Cece Drake were hanging out in a car, putting on lipgloss and talking about the insane shit they like to do to people.
Alison: "So I stole some of Emily's stationery, and wrote Pigskin this hot lesbian note about how Emily wants to fuck her and become a lesbian..."
Cece Drake, verbatim: "Mama's proud!"
Interesting, no? Very Red Queen, this dynamic. Anyway, there were instructions, like, because of Emily's "boyfriend," Paige was to avoid all contact and instead leave her reply inside a sandwich-board sign nearby. So Paige rolls up -- looking Safari Tragic -- and nervously puts her note inside the sign, and Alison comes running up to fuck with her. I love this show so, so much! She yanks out the letter and tells Paige the whole thing that just happened, including threatening to give the note to Paige's dad.
Alison: "Think again, Pigskin! I own you now!"
There's a vibe to Alison's acting through this whole scene that is very important. I noticed it as she was first getting out of the car, but as she hops back in and yells at Cece Drake to drive away, it gets ten times worse. She's like, barely hanging on. I've never seen her so scared, besides that one night the NAT Club was at her house and she showed up in (Spencer's?) kitchen looking crazed and scared. I don't remember the details -- I think Betty Buckley was involved, possibly -- but she is more fucking rattled than I think we've seen her.
Isn't that interesting? Like, it only kicked in as she was heading Paige's way, and then she mostly held it together while she was torturing Paige -- who was just a mumbling Mona-mess of insecurities, so it wasn't Paige's response that flipped her out -- but then crashed right after. Sort of sad, and terrified, and trying to fake it for Cece all at once. I don't think we've ever seen this much of Alison at once. Mysterious.
Even Cece is like, "I got the feeling she was scared of Paige, but who knows. That freak wasn't scared of much." So maybe this is the Jenna Thing we've been doing, in another form: She was afraid of Paige, who after all beat her black-and-blue at one point, so she had to get the upper hand just to make it stop. Very Alison, returning the volley twice as hard so nobody could get close enough to hurt her -- she did the same thing blackmailing Jason, when he threatened her that time, and you definitely had the feeling it was potentially physical with them, too. Maybe that's what this was? Whatever it was, it was wonderful to watch. So many colors.
FIELDS
Emily: "So you knew Alison, I think?"
Paige: "Nope."
Emily: "Well, somebody said that..."
Paige: "The fuck are your friends talking about me to you, instead of me?"
Emily: "Whatever, never mind."
Paige: "Maybe it's your friends you can't trust. Ever wonder why you're the only one that got roofied That Night?"
Emily: "My friends didn't poison me. I love them. I was the only one because Maya was dead and I was turning into an alcoholic."
Paige: "Mona pretended to be your friend for like a year, and she turned out to be a mutant."
Emily: "Literally, with psychic powers and everything. But honestly, we were never friends, and this is a whole different deal. For reasons I can't talk about, I know I can trust them."
Paige: "Sorry for trying to isolate you from your friends, like all creeps. Maybe I'll go the other way, and spend more time with them."
Emily: "You mean like fun movie night time, or more of a drowning them kind of thing?"
Paige: "You never know with ol' Paige McCullers."
FITZNIGHTINGALE
Wesley: "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, alone in my brother's house with that kick-ass blowout. Just dropping off a birthday present. Hey, why do you look insane?"
Aria: "...Why did you tell me about Maggie?"
Wesley, caringly: "Sorry, I assumed he was being honest with you. I didn't do it to mess with your head. What's going on?"
Aria: "I kind of took a train to Wilmington and visited her classroom. Ezra... I knew he'd never shut up and focus on me if I didn't make sure she was okay."
Wesley: "Is she okay? I hope so, because I am apparently a sweet kid."
Aria: "You do kinda remind me of Mikey."
Wesley: "Who?"
Aria: "I don't know either."
Aria: "Anyway, Maggie's fine. Has a seven-year-old son, even. Looks just like you."
Wesley: "Holy crap! Well, but let's not... Maybe she was just trying to scare you off?"
Aria: "No, she had no idea who I was. I'm a Liar. But like why wouldn't she tell him?"
Wesley: "I feel like we need to review what went down again, because there is nothing all that surprising about any of this."
Aria: "If only we were allowed to say the word abortion on this show I feel like none of this would be happening."
TRUNK SHOW
Spencer texts Hanna because she's not done gossiping behind Paige's back, and warns her not to tell Emily. Because if this show has taught us anything, it's that trusting someone means lying to them repeatedly until their parents are murdered or they end up in a wheelchair.
There's a weird montage of Spencer accessorizing... No, she's locked in the dressing room and can't send any outgoing texts... SNAKES! THERE ARE SNAKES! WHAT THE FUCK, that's amazing. Giant scary black hissing attacking snakes! Anyway, Cece Drake is long gone, and there are more and more snakes flooding into the dressing room and attacking Spencer. Criminy, I love this show. Cece Drake lets Spencer out eventually, grabs a mannequin leg, and starts beating the snakes to death. I'ma say that one more time.
What has just happened on this show is that Spencer was trying on clothes for a trunk show, when she was suddenly locked inside the dressing room by parties unspecified, who then cut off her ability to send text messages and starting filling the entire room with snakes that attacked her. Then, Cece Drake appeared and beat the shit out of the snakes with a leg of a mannequin.
AFTERMATH
Hanna: "Given my storyline for this episode, I'm pretty sure this is a Jenna Thing Thing."
Spencer: "Shut up about the blind girl that raped my boyfriend! She's fine! I said the word snake about Paige, and then there were a million snakes. Come on."
Hanna: "Unleash the dogs of crazy, I know you're dying to..."
Spencer: "-- Maybe instead of date-raping Emily That Night, she was driving her around like everybody else on this entire show! Maybe that's a girl's shadow attacking Maya on that footage Noel Kahn sent me!"
Hanna: "Soooo, it's all Paige? Ian, Garrett, now Pigskin? This usually ends up with the person dead. Or related to you."
Spencer: "She's been obsessed with Emily this entire time, right? That means, who's she most jealous of? Alison and Maya. You know who is dead? Alison and Maya. You know who keeps getting tortured? The other three of us, of whom Pigskin's also probably jealous. Anybody heard from Samara lately? Anybody checked in with Cousin Nate in the last 24 hours?"
Hanna: "Ugh, that guy is the worst. Even for Rosewood, he is bad news. But actually, the part where Emily connects the two dead girls does make sense."
Ring-ring.
Spencer: "IS THAT WREN?"
Oh my God, she is incandescent tonight. Only Spencer Hastings could multitask like this.
Hanna: "No, you lunatic. It's Emily."
Spencer: "Quick, what lies should we tell her? I say all of them."
Hanna: "No, I am going to say Hello. That's what we say to friends."
Spencer: (Crazy eyes.)
Emily: "Hey, that knife with the weird monogram that we found in the Kahn Robot Murder House? It's gone."
Spencer: (Crazy eyes.)
Hanna: "I guess A snuck into her house and only stole that one thing."
Spencer: (Crazy eyes.)
Hanna: "Maybe you're right."
SAD BIRTHDAY PARTY
Aria: "How can I be here all weekend, because apparently now my parents are just chill with that, and not totally tell him he has a son our age?"
Wesley: "Just hang up the other side of this incredibly tragic banner and stop wigging. You want me to tell him I was the one that did it?"
Aria: "And when Maggie describes you as a 'petite co-ed named Amy'? You're pretty, but you're not that pretty."
Pretty enough to date? Fingers crossed.
Wesley: "As your sudden random best friend, I just want to support you in this."
Aria: (Panic attack, plus a good line about how Wesley and Aria were still learning times tables when all this shit went down.)
Wesley: "Hey, kiddo. This is only as much of a drama as you want it to be."
Aria: "Then stand the fuck back."
TRUNK SHOW
Every surface is covered in TRESemmé® products, just like at the last trunk show when demons invaded and Noel Kahn was the DJ and literally every surface was littered with it.
Cece Drake: "Stop being a pussy and go try on clothes in the snake-filled dressing room. I already told you, Animal Control has scanned the whole place for nests."
Spencer: "NESTS?"
Cece Drake: "Ugh, amateur. Hanna, you're keeping it together, right? Except for your insane shirt of a raccoon face. Let's put you in some clothes that aren't crying out for a Spirit Hood and a hula hoop, shall we?"
Hanna: "Nothing that shows off my robot wounds."
Cece Drake: "Okay, and put your hair up. Use this TRESemmé© Fresh Start™ Dry Shampoo®. It comes in Volumizing™ and Strengthening©, depending on your Fresh Start™ needs, as well as a Moisturizing Waterless® Foam™ if you need a more intense Fresh Start®."
Hanna: "Sometimes you get to see how the sausage gets made. Sometimes it doesn't feel so good."
Cece Drake: "Whatever pays for a million snakes. Think about it."
Hanna: "I can't wear this dress that shows off my legs. Maybe Emily can."
Cece Drake: "Oh, you got Emily to come?"
Hanna: "We'll see. Hand me that full-length summer dress and we'll give her the leggy one."
Spencer: "Hanna, take her temperature before she sees me, and don't mention Paige, and..."
Hanna: "Spencer! This isn't actually a Special Op. Whether or not her girlfriend attacked you with millions of snakes, for the purposes of this trunk show she's just our best friend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be alone in the room with all the snakes."
Creepin' creeper creeps her, as she's changing... But no! It is just Caleb! He is hiding in the dressing room, breathing heavy, and tells her in a sexy way that she's off the hook for the USB thing. Seems that he approached Ashley directly and told her that part of the USB footage was her daughter in a bikini, which... Considering Wilden is part of the takedown, Ashley was freaked by. Smart, smart wolfie. I'm so happy to see him these days, aren't you? Anyway, they giggle and secretly make out and nobody outside the dressing room knows he's there, and it's super sexy.
HAPPY BIRTHGERALD
Ezra: "Hey! My baby girlfriend and my baby brother, baking me a cake! So listen, I just wanted to tell you that I called Maggie and she's doing great. She got her Masters and she's teaching, owns a house, lives there alone. She's really happy. We only talked for like a second, but I'm relieved and can now focus entirely on you, as you prefer."
Aria and Wesley share a haunted look, because now what? First of all maybe he could give her some clothing tips, because he looks 100 percent perfect. You gotta be a special kind of a person to pull off white dungarees.
TRUNK SHOW
Cece Drake cheers when Paige and Emily arrive, both looking fairly adorable, and Cece and Spencer are both pretty obviously weird toward her.
Paige: "Hi, Spencer, can I help you?"
Spencer, voice unnaturally high: "Um, okay."
They stack rings and things on and around the TRESemmé© products, and Paige does a great job of reaching out. Talking about her personal style and her confidence and stuff, really being sincere and balanced and sweet.
Paige: "Spencer, I want a fresh start with you because Emily is changing my life and I..."
She immediately breaks the pinkie finger of a mannequin hand she's fussing with, and everything goes back to awesome and creepy again.
BIRTHDAY
Aria: "Please don't kiss me in front of your little brother. We have lies and secrets now."
Aria and Wesley head away from Ezra's Hootie and the Blowfish to gossip about him. Wesley's idea is that Maggie's still following the arrangement, which confuses things further: If she lied to Ezra today to stay with the deal they made, it could have financial ramifications for little Malcolm. Wow! They are like a superduo of figuring things out. I like it when Aria and Wesley figure shit out together. I wasn't hugely into Wesley when he showed up, then the night of the UPenn thing he was pretty cool, but I think that, as of this episode, he might be a new favorite thing about the show.
TRUNK SHOW
Spencer: "So Paige was either being her usual sweet, awkward self, or she was being her other usual self that is scary and unhinged. It is so hard to tell on this show."
Hanna: "Are you saying she threatened your fingers?"
Spencer: "That, but also I think she's buttering us up so she can murder us."
Hanna: "Quick, what's the craziest thing we could do right now?"
Spencer: "Steal her purse and look for that knife in it, I guess?"
Hanna: "Yeah, that's good. Real crazy and sketchy."
They do -- this whole knife thing came out of left field even more than usual, did it not? -- and I think they find it, or at least something that makes them squeal... And Emily comes out looking smashing, goes from overjoyed to pissed as hell in three seconds, yells at both those bitches, and takes off. Paige sort of follows in her wake, looking all kinds of guilty. Spencer does not give a shit about any of this, because she just found something (what is it?) in Paige's purse, and filched it, so she's happy as usual.
I feel like this show is always wonderful, you know, and insightful about what it's like to be a person and young and under constant threat and constant surveillance, but this episode... I don't know, it seems more real. Everything surrounding Paige and this ongoing relationship between Paige and craziness, and Alison, and Cece Drake, and the way it's messing with Emily...
Maybe Emily's obsessive defense of her is a little OTT, but the rest of it is intriguing and evocative and strikes a real chord. It's the same kind of feeling as the original Jenna Thing, I guess, or like from around the first season to ... The time that Aria was Anita, that was the last time this particular feeling came into the mix. Well, no. Also when Hanna saved Jenna from that fire. And sometimes -- most of the time really -- Mona Vanderwaal. But nothing lately.
When it comes, though, it's so true, and sad and scary and hard to pin down: The way the fear and paranoia and all that stuff becomes rage, or the hate becomes so intense it's not that different from love, and you get a second to look, really look, at the girl they're going after, and something says, But she's also just a girl.
The thing you have to put out of your mind, if you're ever going to be safe. But also, maybe that's part of what Alison was thinking, that day with Paige's note. I know I would be. I'd shake just like that, after it was done.
FIELDS
Emily: "Drink this tea and be mad at them, okay? I'm really sorry."
Paige: "Okay, enough. Listen, Alison and I had a very scary relationship. She teased me, I beat her up. The usual. But I zero idea of what I was playing with. She was relentless, and I had nobody to turn to because I have no friends, and it made me so crazy... It did not get better. I got suicidal. The only reason I'm not dead is because that meant she would win."
See? That is some intense shit.
MARIN
Ashley: "Hey. Just drinking a bunch of wine."
Hanna: "Did you watch it?"
Ashley: "Yeah."
Hanna: "And?"
Ashley: "And, in proud Marin tradition, I'm tossing it in the garbage disposal."
So great!
Hanna: "Thanks."
Ashley: "The punchline is, they taped me fucking Officer Wilden. So."
Hanna: "For the love of Pastor Ted. Got it."
Ashley: "Add this to the list of things we are never going to mention again."
Pastor Ted: "You look amazing! I guess those videos didn't freak you out, huh?"
Ashley: "It was that weirdo bully thing, like I thought."
Pastor Ted: "Well, turning it over would still be the right thing to do. I know you're new to acting appropriately, but..."
Hanna: "Hey, I destroyed the thumb drive. You know how crazy I am."
Ashley: "Young lady, you are grounded! You are not really."
DENOUEMENT
Aria: "So wait, Paige had the other earring in her purse?"
Spencer: "Yeah! I bet she's hoarding Alison's bones even. She is A!"
Aria: "Probably. You're usually so right about who is A each week."
Emily: "So are we going to sit on this porch talking about your suicide attempt all night and crying, or... Because that sounds like fun to me."
Paige: "No, I'm just going to go inside and clean myself up."
Emily: "Cool, I'll stay out here getting murdered."
A creeper creeps. It is Jenna Thing!
Jenna: "I need to talk to you, Emily. About your friend..."
(She spots two mugs of tea, and beats a hasty retreat.)
Jenna: "Sorry, I thought you were alone. Later!"
Emily: "But hey, what? What is going on now?"
Jenna: "Be very, very careful about who you spend your time with, Emily. I am scared for you."
She runs off to a taxi -- with luggage? -- while Paige is ignoring a call from Spencer on Emily's phone. The music gets super scary, and Paige follows Emily inside! What? Must be almost the finale, huh?
A-TAG
On a jukebox somewhere in time and space, A plays that Motown song "Smiling Faces Sometimes" ("Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend / Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within / Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes / They don't tell the truth...") and then hands the key to that apartment from A-tags, presumably, to... ANOTHER A! Two black hoodies, four black gloves, and a smooth paranoia jam.
Man, this show. Can you dig it? I mean, I know there's the A-Team and it's nothing new exactly, as information, but holy shit to actually see them in the same place being A at the same time... Ugh, so scary.
#THEBETRAYAL
week, it's finally time. Spencer goes up against Paige, Mona escapes dressed like a '40s nurse -- awesome -- the girls possibly discover a third shovel, and everybody goes nuts. Oh, and we find out who killed Maya, and possibly Emily gets blown up?
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Bunheads, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, and novelette "The Commonplace Book" will appear on Tor.com in October 2012.