Previously: Mr. Fitz and Aria couldn't fight that feeling any longer and hooked up in a car. Emily got saddled with Toby as a lab partner all Twilight style, Hanna tried to have sex with Sean, but crashed his car and ended up with a new job a dentist office to pay off the repairs. Spencer stole her sister's Russian history paper and got nominated for the ridiculously named national Golden Orchid award. Aria warned Meredith to find another married man to have an affair with, and then Holly Marie Mom got a nice note from "A" that told her all about her cheating husband. Then "A" wasted some lipstick by writing a note on Spencer's mirror.
Aria shows the girls the note that "A" sent to her mother. They tell her that she's not to blame for this, since her father was the one that asked her to keep it a secret. Aria says that Alison told her she should spill the beans right after it happened. The girls are all sitting around Spencer's kitchen drinking coffee and dressed in what I can only presume are their versions of pajamas, which are carefully arranged off the shoulder shirts that have lemon yellow teddy bears on them, tank tops and knee high socks. Though of course Aria is wearing mismatched black and red printed pants and a green recycling long sleeved half-shirt (yes, that seems like an idiotic article of clothing to me too) with a turquoise tank top underneath it to cover her stomach. Because matching is totally overrated.
Anyway, the girls seem shocked that Alison knew about this, but Hanna is more horrified that the girl hooking up with Aria's dad is named Meredith. She thinks it sounds like an ugly girl name, like someone would have mousy hair and big pores. Well, the mousy hair is right, given what I've learned from Grey's Anatomy. Hanna thinks that if you're going to cheat you should do it with someone who deep conditions her hair. Word to the wise, men out there, word to the wise. Hanna says that she's sorry for making light of things, but laughing (and occasionally crying) is what got her through her dad's departure. Aria doesn't think that her dad will leave, since the affair was over a year ago, but their silence and avoiding eyes makes her realize that it is a possibility.
Spencer changes the subject by telling them she's grateful that they stayed after the break-in, what with her family still in New York until later that afternoon. So, did they all go home and get pajamas? Because I find it hard to believe that Spencer has anything in her closet that remotely looks like the nightmare that Aria's wearing. They decide that they need to clean the mirror, and they decide to go together, because no one wants to be left alone, even with the doors locked. As they head upstairs, Hanna gets a message on her phone. They stupidly decided to unblock their phones to give their stalker even easier access to them. The message says, "Ever wonder what's going on when your back is turned? -- A" and it has an attachment. The attachment is a video of them when they all first saw the message on the mirror. It looks like it was shot from inside Spencer's closet. The girls go upstairs and open the closet, causing stuff to comically fall down on them. Among the items is a tube of lipstick, the exact same shade as the one that is still on the mirror. To prove this, Aria takes the lipstick, puts it on her hand and holds it to the mirror. I think we'd have figured it out without that overly obvious visual, thanks.
In Aria's room, mostly-forgotten Mike watches her put on eyeliner and asks how she doesn't poke her own eye out. He wants to know if she's noticed their parents acting weird around each other. She shrugs it off, then he makes fun of her for only doing one of her eyes. I refuse to believe that he'd notice.
Downstairs, Holly Marie Mom and Chad Dad are bickering about who should take mostly-forgotten Mike to some sort of practice. Oh, he can get there the way he normally does when you pretend he doesn't exist. Chad Dad says that maybe they should see a therapist to work out their issues; she thinks they should talk things out at home. At this point Mike walks past them and to school -- see, he can get around just fine without either of them. Chad Dad wants to know what he can do to make things better. He offers to move out, but she thinks this will only make the kids more confused and make her look like the bad guy. He says they are already acting like sulky roommates, and considers that worse for the kids. Aria hears them bickering, and goes into the midst of them. When dad takes off, Aria tells Holly Marie Mom that Mike knows something's up and she should tell him soon, since keeping this secret for a year nearly killed her. Holly Marie Mom tells her to hold the phone. She knew for a year? Aria thought that Chad Dad told her that he asked Aria to keep things mum. Clearly, that's not the case. Aria offers to stay and talk, but HMM brushes her off.
Hanna is walking around in a short purple sundress and really tall yellow wedges, when she drops the paper bag she's carrying that contains really ugly nurse's shoes. She bends down and nearly flashes the whole population of Rosewood a moon, when Sean comes over and offers some help and offers his condolences on the unflattering uniform that she has to wear to her new job. Sean tells her that he tried to tell his parents that he gave her the keys and that he wanted to pay for the repairs, because he felt guilty about not sleeping with her (what kind of teenage boy is this?), but she says that she's owning up to it and is OK with paying what she owes. In fact, working for his mom will help her overcome her fear of children. She's not sure if six-year-olds bite. He laughs, and then she asks if they are still going to homecoming together. He hadn't really thought about it -- he's got a lot of practice and pressure -- but he thinks they should talk about it. He then hops in the convertible VW bug of another cute blonde girl.
At school, Spencer assures them that no blind girl (even one as clever as Jenna) really broke into her house and defaced her mirror. Aria thinks that she could have had help from Toby. Spencer asks Emily to find out if Toby took a break from pulling the heads off of squirrels to help his stepsister engage in some breaking and entering. They are again interrupted by Russian history professor, who is handing her an envelope from the Golden Orchid people. She doesn't open it, even though Emily wants to know if she won. Hanna thinks she wins awards just for waking up. I guess that's how she accumulated all of that "academic bling" they mentioned.
In Chemistry class, Emily manhandles the beakers and test tubes, so Toby takes over the stirring and she blames overcaffeination. She was up late staying at a friend's house and asks what he did the night before. He was at the grill studying, because Jenna listens to her lectures really loud and he can't concentrate. Was that before or after they saw each other by the trash cans? Or she saw what looked like him in the window? He says he closes the place every night, so I'm guessing his study time was after their meet-up by the trash. He asks if she was at Maya's place, since he thinks she's the newest member of their clique. She says that Maya is just her friend, because she likes different things. Toby says he likes people who are different because this town is too bland with everyone being all homogeneous and whatnot.
Mr. Fitz, who apparently never has classes, is picking up papers, when Aria walks in. He asks if her family is OK, because she wants a six-hour detention or extra-credit assignment in order to avoid going home. He can't stay late, because he has a "thing." She doesn't look pleased about being put off, and he finally explains that he's doing a reading of a story that he wrote. She wants to come, but he's worried that he might hurt himself and go crazy if it sucks, so she'd witness that.
Hanna's sporting her finest dentist office wear in an elevator when Jenna walks in. She tries to back away so she doesn't know she
's there, but Jenna starts putting on some bright red lipstick, and Hanna can't help but lean in to get a better look. Jenna wants to know if she likes the color. Really? Is Hanna this stupid? Probably. I don't think I really want to know.
Spencer walks into her house with a host of athletic equipment. Her dad has brought her some buttercreams, which were her favorite when she was little. She thinks he must have spoken to Wren and forgiven her for something she didn't do, but he really just heard from her professor about that stupid Golden Orchid essay contest. He's planning out her Ivy League career already, and jokes that her mother has taken out an ad in the club newsletter. He wants at least to be able to brag about it to a potential new client, so he asks if she can join him for doubles against the new client and his daughter. She seems desperate to spend time with him, so she agrees, but then he has to answer phone calls. But before he goes off he asks to read her essay, and she tries to brush it off, but he says if it is award winning it must be great.
Hanna's at the dental office, and she's following Jenna around. Hanna, she's blind, not oblivious. Once Jenna leaves in the elevator, Hanna walks down the hallway to the room that Jenna left, but a security guard spots her after she opens the door that is filled with boxes and a wrapped up painting.
Toby and Emily are still working on their chemistry project. Not sure what they are trying to make, but it kind of looks like Flubber. He makes her sniff the gross concoction, which makes her spill water on his notebook. She grabs it to dry it off and sees that he's drawn some stuff on the back that looks just like the cover art for a band she likes. He's surprised that she knows the band, and she says that her cousin who works at a bar snuck her in to one of their shows. He gets all excited when they realize they both think the band's new stuff is amazing. He then offers to burn her a CD of a similar band that he thinks she'd like. Then she smiles and hustles off to swim practice, accidentally grabbing his notebook. He asks for it back, and he says she needs more coffee and they make plans to meet up at The Grill later on.
At a bar-ish kind of place, Mr. Fitz (I refuse to call him Ezra on the basis that it makes him sound even older than he is) is on stage reading and Aria is in the audience hanging on his every word. Some guy, who kind of looks like a younger version of Aria's dad, claims to be a friend of Fitz's and starts chatting her up. This guy, Artie, was apparently his college roommate. Mr. Fitz comes over and is excited to see Artie, who found out about it on a website. He claims that the reading was boring, and Aria goes on and on about Fitz's clever use of metaphors. Fitz had to write Artie's papers back in the days of college (which was like a year ago, right?). Artie heads off for beers, and Fitz apologizes to Aria, saying she didn't know he'd be there.
Spencer is at the club practicing her serve when a teenage club employee tells her it is past closing time and he needs to shut down the courts. She begs this guy, who also has a dimpled chin, but looks nothing like Toby, to let her stay for five more minutes so she can practice for the friendly game of tennis that she has with her dad's potential clients. Chin Dimple 2 says that her serve looked more angry than anything, and she says she has some anger issues. He says that the serve is only half the battle, and she has to have a good return as well. Her competitive side kicks in and she gets back to work, as Chin Dimple 2 watches.
At the bar, Aria's sipping coffee as Artie and Fitz are playing darts, and Artie is telling about the time he coerced a young coed out of the library and into his dorm room and Fitz was asleep in the bunk. He explains that Fitz sleep laughs. She says that it's cute and then goes to get some water. Artie tells Fitz that he's totally screwed and Fitz tries to claim that it isn't what he thinks it is. (But it totally is.) And it is going to be OK, because he didn't go seeking it out. (That doesn't make any difference.) He says that this relationship can only end up with Fitz getting fired and sent to jail. (He's not wrong.) Aria walks back over and says that the loser of the round of darts buys fries. Then she leans into Fitz and rubs his shoulder and says she's having fun. He takes the darts and gets all flustered.
Melrose Mom brings home leftover lamb chops from a work dinner she had and makes the mistake of asking Hanna about her day. Hanna says that she thought getting spit on by a kid was the worst, until she found out about Amber. That's the blonde in the convertible who's giving Sean rides all over the place. Melrose Mom thinks her fake Facebook page has a cute pic, until Hanna says that this girl is trying to steal Sean, and then mom deems her hateful. I will say, for all her flaws, Melrose Mom is totally supportive of her daughter's social life. She also tries to force her to eat lamb chops, but Hanna said that her boyfriend is now driving around with someone who ways eleven pounds, so food is off the menu. Mom speculates that Sean just needs transportation, since Hanna did smash up his car, and she apologizes for not giving Hanna a car of her own. She says if her daughter needs wheels, she should ask her father, but Hanna refuses, saying that dad probably already got one for Kate. Then she and Melrose Mom roll their eyes a bit about dad's new family, and Hanna accidentally drops the bombshell that he's getting married to this new woman. News to Melrose Mom, and she looks totally hurt. She says they've both moved on, but that's obviously not the case, since Melrose Mom's latest hook-up was a detective who she was only using to save her daughter. But after mom walks off, Hanna gets an IM from ThisIsA: "Now I know TWO secrets. Hanna got dissed... and Emily got KISSED! - A" Instead of asking who Emily was kissing, Hanna asks who the person sending the message is. Um, A? I thought he/she made themselves clear. "A" sends an attachment that has the photo booth pictures of Emily smooching with Maya.
At The Grill, Hanna and Spencer are looking at the lipstick tube that was left in Spencer's closet. Hanna insists that was the same shade as Jenna's from the elevator, and Hanna really wants to know what Jenna was doing in a largely empty room for an hour. Spencer wants to call the police to get fingerprints off the tube, but Hanna thinks they'll only try and blame one of the foursome since they picked it up. Toby sits by the window, staring at them, reading Catcher in the Rye. Hanna wonders if Spencer got any more emails, and Spence says not since this morning. Hanna lies that she hasn't either, but maybe she's not counting IMs? Emily walks in looking kind of cute in a short little sundress, clearly there to see Toby, when the girls spot her and call her over. She shoots Toby an apologetic glance before joining the girls who want to tell her all about Hanna's run-in with Jenna. They start gossiping and Toby walks out.
At Mr. Fitz's apartment, Aria asks if all college boys are like Artie, and Fitz says that when she goes to college she can find out for herself. She wants to know if Artie said something about them hanging out. No, why would he think that his friend hanging out with a high school student might be at all inappropriate? He says that being with a high school girl is wrong. She says that she's trying to act mature and not embarrass him, so she doesn't understand why this is a problem. He says it is fine when it is the two of them, but in public, people notice. She says that's just Artie, but after Fitz's weird outburst in class the other day, others will soon catch on, I'm sure. He says that in theory they are a lot more wrong than they are right. He wants to be with her, but he says he can't really introduce her to his friends and hang out in bars. He doesn't want to think about other people when she's around. She's confused about if he thinks this is a good or bad idea. She says that being together feels good, so neither of them should care. And then she starts kissing him.
At The Grill, Spencer gets ready to leave, as she's got to find something cute to wear to tennis the morning because there is a flirty boy at the club. Hanna wants more details, and Spencer plays coy. A waitress comes over with something for Emily -- it's a CD with a drawing of her on the cover. Clearly left behind by Toby. Hanna wants to know who it is from, and she says a friend from school who has similar tastes in music. She wants to know if she likes this person back, because she thinks the CD is from Maya. Hanna says she's totally supportive and happy of any relationship that Emily may have.
Aria and Fitz stand in his doorway and make out. Again, way to keep this relationship on the DL. He doesn't want her to leave, but she needs to support her mom. She offers to make him dinner the day. Her specialty is "enhanced" macaroni and cheese, basically fettuccine. Emily lies on her bed in the dark staring at the CD from Toby in the moonlight... not actually listening to the music though.
The morning Spencer's dad is whipping up some smoothies and she's got on one preppy little tennis outfit. She says she's ready to kick some tennis butt, and he advises her to keep it friendly. She's confused, but basically the client and his kid aren't tennis pros and he wants her to throw the match. She's kind of pissed since she practiced for five hours (I'd be pissed too!) On the court, she's not really playing her full game, but the other daughter is pretty terrible, so dad has her dial it back even more. Chin Dimple 2 sees her hit a serve into the net and looks baffled.
Back at the office building where Hanna works, she's in her regular clothes trying again to check out the room where Jenna sat for an hour. For her stealthy endeavor, she's wearing knee high brown boots, skinny jeans, a long navy sweater, and a sparkly white shirt, through which you can see her midriff baring tank top. And she's carrying her enormous bag. Very subtle and totally incognito. She does use the long sweater to cover her hand when she opens the unlocked door. The room has a red button on the wall, and a guy in a sweater comes out of the door. He calls her Martha, thinks she's his new patient, and tells her the time she visits she should hit the button so he knows that she's there. He has her fill out some paperwork, and at the top it says that he's a psychotherapist. She whispers, "You're her therapist." He presumes that she's talking to one of her multiple personalities, which actually kind of cracked me up. She says that Martha doesn't want therapy and Martha has to go.
Aria's got her headphones on, and mostly-forgotten Mike comes in. He is upset by their parents arguing downstairs and she says it has nothing to do with the two of them. He wants to know how she knows this info, but she just says she'll take him to the library. Holly Marie Mom is downstairs screaming at Chad Dad about how she befriended Meredith and now she has to see her all over town (well, that was her own oblivious fault). He insists that his family matters the most to him, and he's done with the other woman. He offers to get another job at a different college and says they can pick up and move again. She wants to know if that's why they went to Iceland. Yup. She shows a picture of how happy she looks with him in Iceland and says now she feels like a fool. Chad Dad claims that Meredith was a mistake, and while we zoom upstairs to see Aria listening in wearing a pair of jeans that look like they have a sheet of paper affixed to them, Holly
Marie Mom says that he used their daughter to keep the secret. He claims that he panicked and was scared of losing his wife.
On the tennis court, Chin Dimple 2 watches as Spencer misses some easy shots. As her father tells her mission accomplished and takes the client and his daughter inside, Chin Dimple the Second says she wasted her real game the day before. She says she was just off today, but he's not that stupid, even if he does have a dumb haircut. He wants to know if her dad asked her to throw the game. He sees a lot of people playing games off the court at the club, and he's not thrilled about it. She takes a chance and asks him to hang out sometime. He happily agrees. I still don't know his name.
Melrose Mom comes in with some shiny high heels and offers them to her daughter, but she claims they gave her a nosebleed. Hahaha. I've seen the trampy shoes she wears, heels are nothing to her. She'd use stilettos to crush people. You can't make Sydney conform into being a dumpy soccer mom now. It's too late. Anyway, Hanna says that the shoes are too dressy for work, and Melrose Mom insists she can wear them to homecoming. And Hanna's vague protests that she might not go completely fall on deaf ears. Hanna says she's giving Sean space, but mom advises that too much space leaves him the opportunity to find another woman. One who graduated with honors and loves to golf. Someone's been doing their Googling. Like mother, like daughter. She tells her daughter that she shouldn't give relationship advice, since she was too proud to tell her husband she wanted him back. She gives her the shoes and says she can wear them to her father's wedding.
Speaking of trampy shoes, Aria is wearing some tall heels, with socks, and a very small dress that some might wear to a formal dance, to go to cook at Fitz's house. She knocks on the door asking for a small pan and hoping that he has her phone. He does, but he looks concerned. He says that the phone kept buzzing, so he looked at it. Big mistake. "Lucky you, Aria. Other girls have to do their homework. You get to do the teacher... -- A" He rightfully seems more than a little concerned that she might have been gossiping about the relationship that they just decided to keep secret. Not concerned enough to kiss her inside his apartment only, or not take his underage girlfriend to a bar in public, but concerned nonetheless. He doesn't believe her when she says she didn't tell any of her friends, and that "A" is someone trying to sabotage her. He freaks that the school board is going to fire him, and then tells her to leave and he even slams the door behind her as she exits.
At the dental office, Hanna runs into the security guard again, as he's either locking or unlocking a door. She claims she forgot something at work, but when he gets a call and wanders off leaving the keys in the door, she seizes the opportunity. Of course this is the exact moment that Sean picks to come strolling by. He's there to pick up insurance papers for his car that his mom left on her desk. He's getting his car back on Monday. She smiles and hopes this means he doesn't need rides from blonde cheerleaders anymore. She starts to walk away, and then she turns around and asks if they are over. He says he doesn't know why she'd think that, even though he totally ignores her. She tells him he can take someone else if he'd rather, and he says he doesn't want to go with anyone but her. She asks what the deal with blondie is. Amber? She drives him to school for his RLW meetings. It stands for Real Love Waits. She calls it a holy roller virgin society. He thinks that hanging out with others like him might make it easier to wait. Then she asks to go with him the time, because her way was kind of a mess. Is he like the Quinn, forcing Finn into the abstinence club while he's off hooking up with a cheerleader? The security guard finally ends his Lionel Richie-related phone call (no, I can't explain why) and grabs his keys from the door.
Spencer's dad criticizes her choice of eating a pear, since she earned herself a three-course dinner for winning a national award and landing a big client. This family is weird with their reward system. Food for grades, shopping for breakups. He says that the client signing almost didn't happen, since said client wanted lunch at the club and he didn't make a reservation, and while Spencer was in the locker room, he had to make a scene. He says that he told the manager that Alex (aka Chin Dimple the Second) didn't call it in. She's concerned that Alex will be fired, but dad doesn't care since it doesn't affect his bottom line. He doesn't get why she's upset, since she's just as competitive, but she doesn't like his means or his weird reward system. She tells him he doesn't have to read her essay because she stole it. But it's OK, because she won a prize. So he should be happy. Go, Spencer!
Emily walks past The Grill and sees Toby still reading Catcher in the Rye. She heads in and tells him she was hoping he'd be there so she could tell him how much she liked tracks 3,7 and 9. And so she could apologize profusely for dissing him the night before. She even made him a mix tape, though it lacks the lovely artwork that his had.
Spencer's at the club meeting Alex, who seemingly still has a job, and they head out for their date. Aria hands mostly-forgotten Mike some dinner she made. He wants to know if mom is still hiding in her room and if dad is home. He wonders if their parents will work it out. She says she doesn't know. And that's it. I prefer the shocking "A" twisty endings instead of this calm pondering style.