So remember how last week, just as Lily and Josh were getting married, Va-Jane-Ah's water broke in the Palace kitchen? You'd think tonight's episode would just begin in the hospital after Va-Jane-Ah had given birth, with her cleaned up and holding a blanket-wrapped bundle, but no. The episode begins moments after last week's episode ended, with Jane going into labor and Sam and Brooke having to deliver the baby themselves. Whatever. "I can't deliver a baby," says Brooke "Butterfly" McQueen. "I barely know how my period works." Yes, Brooke, that tends to happen when anorexia forces your body to stop menstruating. I keep waiting for them to make a funny reference to either Polyester or Gone with the Wind. I mean, how can you have a character delivering a baby whose last name is McQueen and not make a joke about not knowing "nuthin about birthin' babies"? Failing that, I keep waiting for them to cut to another scene or something, but no, Jane gives birth right there on the Palace kitchen floor amidst a harried discussion about mucus plugs, contractions, and turning the baby clockwise. Ew! The baby pops out after two pushes just as Mike walks in the door. It's a brunette girl. Everyone beams.
Ah, the very last credit sequence ever. Bye Leslie Bibb, kissing the air and twirling around like a fresh playful gal in a tampon commercial. Bye Carly Pope, tilting your head and lip syncing along with Kendall Payne. Bye Tamara Mello with your spooge hair gel and toothpaste smile. Bye Harrison, standing ever so still but vibrating from the excitement of following in Jon Cryer's footsteps. Bye Sara Rue, role model to thin fat girls everywhere, giving the camera a contentious and voracious look like you want to tear it open and devour all those Pringles inside. Bye Bryce Johnson and your shifty hair. Bye Tammy Lynn Michaels, biting your lip in order to blot out the shameful memories of how far your character Nicole fell throughout the season before she redeemed herself in "Coup." Bye Ron Lester, moving from side to side in a hooded sweatshirt, irrelevant to the bitter end. Bye Leslie Grossman, scowling and then smiling -- perhaps failing to realize at the time of this shooting that you were going to steal this show and our hearts. Bye Jane, who doesn't belong in this sequence and never did. Bye Mike and your puffy under-eye area. And goodbye Diane Delano in your tacked-on glamour shot, jubilant to be joining the cast since it hasn't sunk in yet that you're basically Popular's answer to Joe E. Tata on !
No Face Time tonight, but tonight's season finale is brought to you by 7-Up.
Chem class. A wedding shower is taking place right before class begins for Lily and Josh. I mean, it's the season finale. Why build a set for an appropriate place to have a wedding shower or anything when you can do it in the middle of class? It's not like anyone has to learn chemistry or anything. Harrison gives them a book called Marriage for Dingbats. If I had to write a book advising dingbats to marry, my book would consist of one word: don't. Okay, maybe there'd be another chapter saying something like, "Well, if you have to, please be really really diligent about using birth control," but that's pretty much it. Carmen gives them a non-food related gift: a Slosh and Slide. "It's just what we needed," says Lily. "As we who have nothing set up house." Life is rough for you, baby. We. Get. It. The bell rings, and Chem starts class, congratulating Sam and Brooke for delivering Jane's baby themselves. Everyone applauds, and Chem finally makes a long overdue Gone with the Wind reference by calling them "Teen Prissys" but fails to take advantage of the comic potential of Brooke's coincidental last name and mention Butterfly McQueen, the actress who played Prissy. C'mon, it's right there on a platter! Take it! Do I have to do everything? Chem goes on to congratulate Lily and Josh on getting married and "ruining the rest of their lives." Word!
But Chem's wackiness doesn't stop there. No! Tonight's the season finale! Chem will be extra wacky tonight. In fact, Chem's wackiness will come piping hot to your door with a breadstick crust and your choice of three dipping sauces, "ranch," "marinara," and "right-wing hysteria." She announces that she's the chaperone of the Junior Prom, and she has to meet with every single couple so that she can go over her "dance party rules." She starts making appointments with her students, but no one is planning to go to prom. Josh and Lily are "saving up for Tupperware." Sam and George have broken up. Harrison and Nicole don't have dates. That still leaves Mary Cherry, Sugar, and Carmen but for some reason Chem doesn't even go there. Instead, she vows to spend the evening cuddled up on the couch with a "near beer and a sweeps episode of Providence." Heh! Oh, and Chem announces that she's renting out her basement apartment. And no, we never find out what ever happened to Nurse Jessie, who used to live in that very house.
Hallway. Josh and Lily stare at the signs advertising Chem's basement apartment and discuss the possibility of getting their own place. Apparently they've been living with Lily's mom, who's not too happy about her daughter getting married at the end of her junior year in high school -- jeez, what an uptight bitch! Is she part of some anti-sex cult or something? Furthermore, Josh is forced to sleep alone on the couch. Lily is all, "So that's what this is about! You're frustrated because we haven't consummated our relationship yet?" Josh explains that since they're married, it's not crazy for him to expect that they can "knock boots." Hey, Josh? This is the girl who pressed sexual harassment charges against you for touching her shoulder once in the hallway. What kind of erotic lifestyle were you expecting as Lily's husband? And while we're on the subject of Lily's virginity, now that we know she's clearly avoiding sex with Josh, what's up with that? I mean, if she's lawfully married and still not putting out, couldn't the writers clue us in as to what the problem is exactly? Is she still a lesbian? Is she not attracted to Josh? Are there sexual abuse issues? Does she simply not have a sex drive? Don't get me wrong. No one should have to have sex if they don't want to. Period. But if you are going to get married and your husband isn't a Hari Krishna or a Shaker, it's only fair that he should know what he's getting into if you are going to insist on an abstinent marriage. I mean, are the writers still stuck in that whole "virginity is virtue" thinking? Um, people? If Lily was stupid enough to get married while still in high school, I think the virginity issue is moot at this point, but that's me. And I love how, still, no one on this show has a bona-fide sex drive except for the dumb jock. Anyway, Lily sighs as if to say, "Whatever, my Neanderthal husband!" and goes off in search of Chem to apply for the apartment.
Another part of the hallway. Brooke approaches Sam, who is wearing a lilac-colored sleeveless top that appears to be made out of Mylar and seems to be a knock-off of something Helmut Lang did back in 1994. She suggests that they both ask Harrison to go to the prom as a threesome. Okay, remember that article in New York Magazine about all those Manhattan prep-school kids from rich families who'd rent hotel rooms for the weekend and have Ecstasy-fueled gang bangs, and any girls who wanted to be a part of the cool crowd had to offer herself up to the group? Between Lily and Josh's celibacy and this three-way prom date, the Manhattan gang-bangers are starting to look like normal fun-loving teens by comparison. Anyway, Sam is cool with this for some reason.
The Novak. Nicole is primping in the mirror and wearing this shirt that I can't identify to save my life. It's powder blue with mesh panels and cut like one of those prairie blouses from the eighties, but it also has this seventies-style spread collar that extends out past her shoulders. It's not even trendy ugly. It's just ugly. Mary Cherry enters, looking almost as bad. She's wearing a long-sleeved white t-shirt with cut-outs in the shoulders and a red pattern on it that looks like she collided with someone who ate a whole bunch of Swedish Fish and then promptly threw up all over her. What happened? They both look like crap! I keep waiting for the plot explanation for their bad outfits, but apparently we are being asked to believe that this is everyday wear for them. Anyway, Mary Cherry asks Nicole to be her "lawfully wedded sister." Apparently MC has been inspired by Brooke and Sam's sisterly unity. Nicole listens, barely hiding her skepticism. "Now we just have to decide what kind of sisters we're going to be," says Mary Cherry. "Are we going to be like Mary Kate and Ashley who share everything, guest star on 7th Heaven together and would graciously allow the other sister to join the Bring It squad, or would we be sisters like Julia and Eric Roberts who, when not allowed on Bring It, never speak to each other again." "Bye Eric," says Nicole, exiting the Novak. Hee!
So then it's the moment we've all been waiting for from the previews: Bronx Latina Mary Cherry. She just shows up in the Novak. Doesn't anyone call or write ahead of time on TV anymore? Mary Cherry notices her and gasps to see what seems to be a mirror image of herself -- only her twin is all "street." She wears a bandanna around her head, rainbow wristbands, and a tank top with her nickname "B. Ho" emblazoned on its front in a graffiti font. At first they do this homage to Hayley Mills in The Parent Trap, moving their hands around and mirroring each other's movements so that Mary Cherry is even further confused. Finally, B. Ho introduces herself as Mary Cherry's long-lost twin sister. B. Ho is clearly not thrilled with the idea that Mary Cherry is her twin, but she wants to cash in on being part of the Cherry family. "While you waz sippin' Kristal in Beverly Hills," says B. Ho, "I was stuck up in the Bronx raising my own damn self on the six." Mary Cherry is thrilled to have a sister and announces that she plans to get B. Ho brought into the family. You'd think that since this is the season finale and Cherry Cherry's name is being evoked, Delta would come back and make things seriously funny, but I guess that was not meant to be. And Leslie Grossman as Mary Cherry's own Latina twin seems almost as labored a performance as Diane Delano playing her own Australian Uncle Tipton. Plus using the term, "bling bling," even as parody? So winter of 2001!
Sam and Brooke approach Harrison on the stairs and ask him to the prom. At first Harrison thinks it's a continuation of the games from last week's episode and tells them to cut the crap. When he realizes that they're serious, a smile comes over his face. Ew!
Casa Ford-Esposito. They're moving into their first apartment, and already you know it's a mistake. They have wood paneling like in those Calvin Klein kiddie-porn ads. Josh doesn't know what to do with his ant farm because his mommy took care of all that. Lily is acting like a shrew, telling him to grow up because he's not living at home anymore. Apparently, Lily didn't know that Josh had two gekkos named Britney and Christina. She shrieks when he brings them out to meet her, and tells Josh that she's not going to be the one to feed them. "Are you on your period?" asks Josh. Lily answers in the negative. Josh is all, "Good," and asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Lily isn't into it, and even I can't really blame her for not being in the mood because while this scene is dumb, it's also kinda creepy. But Lily's excuse for not wanting to have sex is because they have twin beds. It's impossible to have sex on a twin bed? Oh, that must be why no one at my college had sex -- because we were all given twin beds to sleep on in the dorms. Lily? It's not like you need all sorts of bed width when you get on top of each other, 'kay? Josh suggests that they move the beds together, but before Lily can think of another excuse, Chem comes downstairs and tells them that their beds have to be kept separated. Okay, again, why aren't I invited to sit in on these writers' meetings? I can't believe that no one thought to have a big old shout-out here to Flowers in the Attic by VC Andrews, and have Lily and Josh be Chris and Cathy, the incestuous twins, with Chem as the grandmother who makes them read the Bible, cuts Cathy's hair off for being indecent, and feeds them doughnuts dipped in arsenic. I mean, if Lily and Josh are going to be trapped in a sick marriage, at least make it sick in a cinematic kind of way. Popular once referenced Whatever Happened to Baby Jane -- why can't they reference Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Anyway, it appears that Lily and Josh unknowingly signed an agreement with Chem to do work around the house as part of the rental contract -- 'cause Chem is wacky like that.
The cafeteria. As Sam, Brooke, and Harrison sit at a table together, eagerly awaiting their three-way date, Nicole sits with George on the other side of the room. She informs George that Sam is going to the prom with Brooke and Harrison, and George gets upset. Having George right where she wants him, Nicole puts the idea in George's head to go to the prom with her in order to upset Sam. "But I know that's something you wouldn't want to do because it's so small and petty," she says innocently. George falls right into Nicole's trap and asks her to the prom. She accepts.
You know, I had dreams that the series finale was going to have Nicole do something spectacular and over the top. One of my fantasies was inspired by the pathetic rumor that Tammy Lynn Michaels hooked up with Melissa Etheridge. I had this great image of the character Nicole dating Melissa Etheridge, who plays herself. They run into each other at a health food store and Melissa, the aging rocker, is bewitched by this sweet young thing who seems so innocent. Nicole makes her feel alive again, like a grrrl rocker. What she doesn't realize is that Nicole is playing her. Charging up a storm on her credit cards at Prada and having a little side action going with her male personal trainer. Melissa's friends try to warn her about her new high-school-aged girlfriend and what she's really all about, but Melissa is in deep denial. "Nicole loves me! You're all just jealous of what we have!" she says weeping into a pillow from ABC Carpet. Soon all her friends find themselves shut out of the ever narrowing circle of Melissa Etheridge and Nicole's trusted pals: Meg Ryan, Helen Hunt, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Aniston get the boot. One day even David Crosby, her baby's sperm donor, starts getting nothing but the machine.
Once isolated from her friends, Nicole convinces Melissa to sell her house in LA and deposit all the money from the sale to Nicole's checking account for safe keeping. They start living in huge suites at only the chic-est hotels -- the Bellagio in Vegas, the Hudson Hotel in Manhattan, the Mondrian in LA, you name it. They move every month, a measure Nicole takes in order to make sure that Melissa never stays anywhere long enough to make other friends who might start asking difficult questions now that Nicole has gotten her addicted to morphine. Sometimes she runs short cons for the suite, planting broken glass in a room-service meal, a stolen credit card, that sort of thing. But sometimes she just pays for the hotel with the money from the sale of the house. She carries a syringe around in tiny Prada bag and gives Melissa a jab now and then. It's her hold over Melissa, who sleeps while Nicole goes on aggressive, almost joyless, shopping sprees at the finest stores. After five years, Nicole gets Melissa so whacked out that Melissa signs over all her song royalties to Nicole. When Nicole realizes that she's run through all of Melissa's net worth and you can't get blood from a stone, she dumps her to run off with Ashley Hamilton. Years pass and Melissa, a broken woman, still misses her. As soon as she gets out of that halfway house, she finds a studio apartment, gets a cat she names Nicole, and starts a scrapbook of clippings from Page Six that feature items about Nicole, who has just broken up Jimmy Fallon's marriage and cheats on him with Donatella Versace. But no! Nicole's big scheme tonight is that she's tricked George -- who looks like he could probably be talked into several consecutive games of 52 pick-up -- into going to the prom with her.
Mary Cherry's dressing room. Oh my God, they finally built a another set for the inside of the Cherry/Estrada residence! Mary Cherry is trying to pick out the perfect outfit in which to ask Cherry Cherry if B. Ho can join the family. To her surprise, B. Ho is sitting in Mary Cherry's dressing room, taking in Mary Cherry's outfits. "'Cause you so fat!" says B. Ho. Mary Cherry reminds B. Ho that the clothing she's altering belongs to her. B. Ho informs Mary Cherry that she's already talked to Mama Cherry. B. Ho is not only in the family, but Cherry Cherry's replacing Mary Cherry with B. Ho and giving her up for adoption. "I don't gots to share the Gucci, the Versace, the Prada," raps B. Ho. "B. Ho's blowing up and finally getting her Escada." A social worker with a big net comes to take Mary Cherry to an orphanage.
The Novak. Nicole starts doing her usual insulting of Sam, which is always fine by me. This time, she points out that Sam is a "dirty butt" since she doesn't wash her hands after she goes to the toilet. It's about time someone pointed that out. To further twist the knife, Nicole tells Sam that she's taking George to the prom, and that Harrison will choose Brooke over Sam when he compares the two of them side-by-side on the night of the prom. Sam argues that they're all going as a threesome. Nicole tells Sam that Brooke is setting her up so she can have Harrison all to herself.
More of Lily and Josh's bad marriage. As Josh washes Chem's car and Lily rakes her lawn, Chem makes use of the Slosh and Slide. Lily tucks some dead leaves into her sweatshirt. Lily, why can't you just stuff your bra with toilet paper like everyone else? Back inside their apartment, they are exhausted from all the physical labor, but they have to do some seriously studying anyway because they both need scholarships. Lily sits down to work, and Josh discovers that the pillows on their couch are filled with dead filthy leaves. He assumes this is one of Chem's strange ways until Lily corrects him by explaining that she put the leaves there because she feels bad about "killing" a living thing. "Lily?" says Josh. "That's just nuts." Word. They snipe at each other over that until Josh decides that he's hungry. Lily announces that she doesn't cook so there's nothing to eat. Apparently, Lily was raised in a single-parent household, and yet it was never necessary for anyone to teach her how to purchase ingredients for and then assemble a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, open a can of Spaghetti-Os into a pan and heat it up, or even microwave a Lean Cuisine. Whatever. Josh whines about it -- he doesn't cook either -- and grabs an already open package of Pop Tarts. "So," says Josh, after a pause. "Do you wanna do it?" Lily is all, "How can you be so insensitive?" I'm all, "How can you maintain an erection amidst all that whining?" Okay, so now it's Josh's insensitivity that is turning Lily off from sex. Fair enough. But if Josh is really that much of a moron, why has Lily been going out with him all this time? Josh apologizes, and Lily moans about how badly things are going and what a failure she is as a wife already. "I thought marriage was going to be much more fun," she says. Josh suggests that they have fun by decorating the apartment, cooking a romantic dinner, and staging their own private prom. Lily is sweet on the idea and promises to "consummate" things on their prom night. Like, please shoot me the day I ever the word "consummate" to convince someone to have sex with me. "But how are we going to afford the streamers and romantic dinner?" she asks. "We have to get jobs," says Josh. Actually, Josh, if you guys are indeed not getting any financial support from your parents, you have to get jobs to pay rent and buy groceries. Then and only then, if there is any money left over, you can get the streamers and romantic dinner. Or do the laws of economics work differently in Southern California? Nevertheless, I cross my fingers and hope that this poverty plot leads to them both going on a deadly crime spree. I guess that would be too much to ask, since that would actually be funny.
The Palace. Harrison is checking out the baby and remarking on how tiny she is. "She looks tiny now," says Va-Jane-Ah. "But last week I thought she might be a Volvo." Brooke, Sam, and Mike give hearty laughs over the pain of childbirth. Never mind that Jane was able to expel the baby from her womb in about the amount of time it takes me to brush my teeth. Mike asks if the girls have come up with a name yet. Sam tells Mike that they're "paring down the list." The baby makes a stinky, so Mike and Jane head off to the nursery to change her. Now that the threesome are alone, Harrison tells them that he bought a tux at a store that Brooke suggested. I guess this store only sells one kind of tux because Sam concludes that the fact that Harrison's cummerbund matches Brooke's dress is more than just a coincidence. Harrison exits, and Sam starts sniping at Brooke for conspiring to steal Harrison. After some prodding, Sam admits that Nicole was the one who put the idea into her head in the first place. Brooke demands to know exactly what was said, "word for hateful word."
Chem class. Lily, instead of getting a real job, has gotten involved in a pyramid sales scheme. She gives a sales pitch to her fellow students -- who are clearly feeling very uncomfortable for her -- to get them to buy organic gardening soap. "Hillcrest organically removes grime in a colorful array of natural scents," says Lily, her voice breaking as the class barely hides their pity, "including pine, lemon and spiced lemon." Josh raises his hand and offers to buy 100 bars. Lily is all "we can't afford it" and apologizes to the class for subjecting them to her pathetic sales presentation. Carmen tries to encourage Lily by buying some soap. "What a great deal!" gushes Carmen. "Because, you know, I love anything that's spiced apple." Now if those soaps only came in BBQ or sour-cream-and-onion flavors... "You don't garden, Carm" says Lily, starting to cry. Carmen lies that she was planning to start. Sam and Brooke buy soap too, pretending to be recent gardening aficionados themselves. Chem points out that Lily has to sell 700 more bars of soap in order to pay their rent -- which is already a month late. Josh is all, "Back off, we're just getting started." Chem is all, "Landlords, grocers, and phone companies are unimpressed with the phrase, 'We're just getting started.'"
The orphanage. Mary Cherry, wearing what appears to be a Little Orphan Annie-style red dress from Mark Jacobs, and a bunch of girls who all resemble Pepsi spokesperson Hallie Kate Eisenberg scrub the floors on their knees while lip-synching to Jay-Z's "Hard Knock Life" which as you all know contains a sample of "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the Annie soundtrack. It's all terribly meta. Over the loudspeaker comes an announcement that Mary Cherry's mother is here. Mary Cherry is elated, thinking that Cherry Cherry has changed her mind. Her visitor turns out to be RuPaul in drag. "I'm your daddy," he says appearing in the doorway. And that's it for RuPaul's appearance on tonight's Popular. I guess he just didn't have time to do any more scenes, what with Hollywood Squares demanding all of his creative efforts. Isn't that funny? A drag queen is Mary Cherry's father! You see, drag queens are just so shocking and underground, so a five-second cameo by RuPaul is enough to resolve this Mary Cherry plotline, even though it's the last we see of her. Do they get along? Does Ru take her out of the orphanage? We never find out. But RuPaul is her daddy. And that's funny. Geddit?
Kennedy hallway. Nicole and George agree on some final details for their prom date, and George exits. Brooke enters and goes off on Nicole for creating conflict between her and Sam. Nicole walks off. Brooke follows her into the Novak and demands to know why she said those evil things. Nicole replies that she's insulted that Brooke is going to the prom with Sam instead of her. Brooke points out that Sam is her sister, and orders Nicole to go apologize to her and break her date with George. Nicole points out that she no longer has to rely on her friendship with Brooke to have any power, and tells her to go to hell. "You're corrupt to the core," says Brooke. "You'll never change!" She announces that their friendship is over. Nicole vows to steal Harrison from both Sam and Brooke. They slap each other. "You will not go to the prom with George," says Brooke. "I will see to that." "If you actually think I'm frightened that you've decided to throw your weight around," says Nicole, "go step on a scale."
Well, Lily ain't the only one in the Esposito-Ford household to go into sales. Josh is going door-to-door, trying to sell storm windows. A series of doors slam in his face. Finally he gets a customer, but it's a lonely old lady on social security who's only looking for company. While escaping from the lonely old lady, Josh drops his sample window on the pavement. It shatters. Enraged and frustrated, he stomps on it some more and then sits on the sidewalk and cries. So remember, kids, don't get married too young, or your wife will go frigid on you and you'll have to sell storm windows door-to-door.
The Novak. Nicole is primping while she waits for George to meet her and take her to the prom. Her cell phone rings. It's George, canceling on her because of food poisoning. "Food poisoning?" asks Nicole. "Or Brooke poisoning?"
The Palace. Sam and Brooke get ready for their date and play with the baby. Sam has thought of a name. Since all they once had in common was a "Mc" at the beginning of both of their last names, Sam wants to name her Mackenzie. Mackenzie McPherson-McQueen? Whatever. Brooke likes the idea, so it's final. Then they do the obligatory conversation where they both admit to each other that they are really glad to have each other as sisters despite their differences blah blah blah. They also decide that three is a crowd and that they both need to grow up and make Harrison choose between them.
Casa Esposito-Ford. Josh and Lily dress up and eat canned soup -- I guess she finally figured that out -- while Dido's "Thank You" plays. You see, "Thank You" is this year's anthem for bad white-trash marriages since a sample of it appears in Eminem's "Stan." Lily bursts into tears because, while cleaning earlier, she broke the tail off of one of Josh's gekkos. Josh explains that gekkos disconnect in order to stay alive when birds swoop down on them, and everything is fine. "I broke something too," says Josh. "My window." Lily is all, "That's all the money we had in the world." Josh is all, "I know!" and bangs his fist down on the table. Lily flinches, and Josh is all, "I'd never hit you. I love you." Lily is all, "Do you wanna do it now?" This time it's Josh who isn't in the mood. They go to sleep in their twin beds. "Do you remember how I thought we'd be okay?" says Josh while Dido wails. "I don't think we will."
The Palace. Nicole enters looking for Brooke while Mike is puttering around alone in the kitchen. She's drunk and bitter over her destroyed prom plans. You'd think she'd try to seduce him or steal the baby to make things interesting, but no. Mike takes her car keys because she's too drunk to drive, so Nicole steals the car keys back while he's off calling Nicole's mother.
The prom. A bunch of extras sit at tables while Brooke and Sam and Harrison try to enjoy themselves. Brooke looks like she's wearing something she'd wear to school, and Sam is wearing what looks to be Juliette Binoche's flapper outfit from the last Academy Awards as copied by Merry-Go-Round. They tell Harrison he has to choose. But before he can answer, we cut to Nicole crying angry tears while driving down the street to the prom in her Jaguar. When they cut back to the prom, Harrison has just made his decision, and the girls are reacting, although it's not entirely clear to the viewer yet which one Harrison picks. Like it matters. Brooke gets up to leave, and Sam begs her to stay and talk to her. It seems pretty clear to me that Harrison has chosen Sam, and Brooke, the loser, is stomping off all mad and defeated. However, quite a few people on the boards felt that it was ambiguous. He could have chosen Brooke, and Brooke is running away because she feels bad at having ruined her friendship with Sam. Whatever. It doesn't matter who he chooses, because the show is cancelled. Nevertheless, Brooke walks out into the street and Nicole, approaching the prom, sees her in the distance. Nicole accelerates and hits Brooke with her car. The credits roll as sirens wail.
The prom. A bunch of extras sit at tables while Brooke and Sam and Harrison try to enjoy themselves. Brooke looks like she's wearing something she'd wear to school, and Sam is wearing what looks to be Juliette Binoche's flapper outfit from the last Academy Awards as copied by Merry-Go-Round. They tell Harrison he has to choose. But before he can answer, we cut to Nicole crying angry tears while driving down the street to the prom in her Jaguar. When they cut back to the prom, Harrison has just made his decision, and the girls are reacting, although it's not entirely clear to the viewer yet which one Harrison picks. Like it matters. Brooke gets up to leave, and Sam begs her to stay and talk to her. It seems pretty clear to me that Harrison has chosen Sam, and Brooke, the loser, is stomping off all mad and defeated. However, quite a few people on the boards felt that it was ambiguous. He could have chosen Brooke, and Brooke is running away because she feels bad at having ruined her friendship with Sam. Whatever. It doesn't matter who he chooses, because the show is cancelled. Nevertheless, Brooke walks out into the street and Nicole, approaching the prom, sees her in the distance. Nicole accelerates and hits Brooke with her car. The credits roll as sirens wail.