Okay, there were four plot lines last week, and two were hilarious: the hoax of April Tuna's death, and Josh's mullet. The other two -- the Sam, George, and Harrison love triangle and Nicole's adoption -- were almost as lame as Harrison's leukemia. Guess which ones are being continued?
Last week on Popular, Harrison asks Sam to be his girlfriend. She chooses George. Nicole finds out that her mother's not dead, but a lunch lady right there at Kennedy.
Kennedy cafeteria. Okay, so there's this food fight and everyone's acting like it's a weekly occurrence. Never mind that last year, there was a food fight in the "Truth or Consequences" episode and it was such a big deal that they made Sam and Brooke relive their stupid cat fighting hijinks for the entire episode. Yet, this season, it's nothing major.
Now I have to say that I have a problem with how food fights are always presented as something cute, rebellious and spirited that teens do. All I can really think of is how some poor underpaid cafeteria worker who is wearing a stiff polyester uniform has to clean up after these kids. That's not very funny. Especially since we've learned recently that one of these lunch ladies is the mother of Nicole and another is the aunt of the vice-principal. I mean, I don't mean to get all sanctimonious and PC on you, especially since I'm going to be making snide comments about Carmen's near-date-rape later on, but someone has to clean this mess up and they're not going to be too happy about it. Am I the only one who can't get beyond the inconsideration shown in this scene?
Carmen, with her notebook and lunch tray in front of her, crawls on hands and knees over to where Brooke is hiding out under a table. Her neckline is plunging as it is, but on her hands and knees, there is so much cleavage, it makes you wonder what kind of deal they worked out with Latin American television to get Popular shown again down there. Brooke, who is wearing a lavender green turtleneck sweater and a pair of faded jeans, complains about the immaturity of high-school boys and how unchallenging her algebra worksheets are. Carmen is also "over" high-school boys. She chows on a banana, and although she doesn't say it, you know she's bummed that all that food that's flying around isn't in her gullet as we speak. "How long do we have to wait until everyone catches up to us?" asks an exasperated Brooke. "College?" asks Carmen, her mouth full of banana. Okay, even if I didn't know that Carmen was going to be almost date-raped from various promos and spoilers, I'd still predict it from the "provocative" outfit and mouth full of banana. Some milky-colored liquid is thrown, and it lands on Carmen and Brooke. No comment. "Follow me," says Brooke as she crawls out of the frame.
Credits.
The Julian residence, which is basically the set for Josh's family residence but with larger pieces of sculpture and less of that frou-frou French thing going on. Nicole and her mother -- the scary dyke-y adoptive mother, as opposed the downtrodden but luminous birth mother -- eat breakfast. Like, how exactly did a glamour puss like Nicole spring from this women's loins? Maybe her father was a big queen and taught her how to accessorize before he left for parts unknown. That probably explains her ambivalence towards gay men like Freddy Wong and Adam Rothschild. Nicole takes a tiny bite of her breakfast whatever and mentions that it's college fair week at Kennedy. Mother Julian smiles into the camera with a combination of perkiness and masculinity that makes you that that the football team she's been coaching all year just went to the Super Bowl, and mentions how excited she is about an appointment with her college advisor at four o'clock that afternoon. Nicole is all "good" and proceeds to ask her mother to read one of her college essays. As if the Nicoles of these world really care what their bitchy mothers think of their heartfelt essays. I know I've said this a hundred thousand times, but God, do I hate it when Nicole is supposed to have feelings. Mama Nicole is all, "Of course, I'm glad that you're taking an active interest in your future!" So then Nicole is all, "It's on what it's like to be adopted." Mama Nicole reads it in a couple of microseconds and pronounces it "fiction," especially the part about the lunch lady being her real mother. Nicole maintains that it's not fiction and that her real mother is in fact working at Kennedy as a lunch lady. "It's really important to me that you meet her, Mom!" says Nicole. Actually it's not, but it's important to the plot-line, so we'll just suspend our disbelief for a moment and assume that Nicole would actually imagine she'd derive warmth from a potential encounter between her bitchy adopted mother and her white-trash birth mother. "Not only do I not want to meet this woman, but I never want to hear the name Shaggy Louise Grout again." Oh, neither do we, Mother Julian, but this is Popular, so take what you like and leave the rest, like we, the viewers, have been doing all season. Oh no, please don't have Nicole cry!
Kennedy Hallway. Sam's got a dilemma regarding Harrison. Remember? Last week's ultimatum? And who's the best person to turn to? Who's gonna make it all better? Why, it's none other than George, her magical-black-guy boyfriend. But "magical" doesn't exactly describe AJ Montgomery's performance this week, as his line readings resemble that of a cyborg. "Don't-for-get-Sam-he-cre-a-ted-the-sit-u-a-tion [comma] he-made-you-choose." Sam still feels upset and guilty. George reminds her that Harrison is lashing out because he's hurt. "Trust-me [condescending but reassuring chuckle] he-was-n't-ser-i-ous-a-bout-ne-ver-talk-ing-to-you-a-gain [period]. He-just-needs-time [period]." George then goes on to laud Harrison for taking it all so well, since he would be devastated if Sam chose Harrison over him. They make out. Harrison walks by in Stalker-vision. Guilty looks all around.
Another part of a Kennedy hallway. The camera pans past a sign announcing a College Fair toward Brooke, who is earnestly reading through some materials. Okay, can I just be a snot here and point out that if Brooke is indeed the straight-A student that they claim, she would not be taking the college fair seriously? Harvard, Yale, Stanford et cetera do not send reps to high-school college fairs. I mean, they might send an alum who already lives in the neighborhood in to distribute a stack of applications, but they don't need to convince any more people to apply and exhaust the resources of their admissions office than they already have. Colleges that send high-pressure outreach people to college fairs are usually desperate for applicants and aren't the sort of schools that someone like Brooke would be interested in applying to -- except as a safety, and I'm sure that Brooke doesn't need to learn anymore about the U Cal system.
Remember the Candace Bushnell look-alike S.A.T. coach who was Brooke's role model before she revealed herself to be a bitter drunk? Well, it seems she has a little sister. Or at least that's what this girl looks like who is checking Brooke out in a vaguely predatory way. She's kind of got this Phoebe-Cates-meets-Nancy-Allen facial expression thing going on -- and even that is giving it way too much credit. She introduces herself to Brooke as Flynn Hudson, a student at Coastal University. Coastal University? Whatever. Couldn't they have at least made it another Kennedy joke? Why couldn't it have been Ethel Kennedy College, the college that Brooke pretends to be going to when those guys sat down with her and Not-Candace Bushnell in "Citizen Shame"? How hard would it be to have some good running jokes that appeared throughout the season? Meanwhile, as they start doing close-ups of this college girl, you start realizing that the actress is probably forty. Nancy Cates promises that Coastal University will give Brooke the independence and mature environment she's been craving, and tries to plug her sorority, Alpha Theta, as well. "Alpha Thetas don't date boys, we date men!" says Nancy Cates. "It's not like it is in the movies, Brooke! Sororities are just a group of mature women achieving their goals together while at the same time forming life-long friendships." Okay. The fuck? I mean, I don't have the greatest credentials here. I went to a college that had a ban on Greek life. And I have nothing against straight women forming life-long friendships with each other and demanding maturity from the men they date or any of that. But even I knew that if some sorority girl who looks like she just got a divorce -- and who is staking out your high school, mind you -- tries to get you to pledge their sorority by saying something other than "we throw great parties and hot guys date us," you do not want to be part of that sorority, because it is most definitely a cult. "As an Alpha Theta," she continues, "you can say goodbye to smelly PlayStation addicts with Cheetos breath. Our men will treat you the way you deserve -- with respect!" And am I to suppose that "our men" were farmed in a patriarchy-free environment somewhere on a South American mountain? I'm all for straight men acting respectfully toward women and all that good stuff, but I would think that if your frat is using your reputation for treating women well as its major selling point, that's got to be symptomatic of something fishy going on. We're Lambda Pi Phi! Our boys won't date-rape you! Go us! Um, could I be any more pessimistic about the gender gap?
I know you're going to think I totally made this part up, since sometimes I exaggerate what they put Carmen through with the food jokes because I love riffing on her, but I am not embellishing this part at all. Carmen enters, full of excitement because she's just found out that at University of Wisconsin, "they have refrigerators in their dorm rooms." No, I swear that is what she said. So then Brooke introduces Nancy Cates to Carmen and mentions that she's homecoming queen and a Glamazon and so on. Carmen is all "nice to meet you." "Impressive c.v., Carmen," says Nancy Cates. "You must have quite a personality!" Okay, I officially love this woman starting right now. She invites them to their first frat party, which is a semi-formal. Brooke unfurls her big grey teeth and silently thanks the maturity gods for granting her a way out of Kennedy, however momentarily. Carmen lunges for the invitation like it was a Pringle.
A few chords on the Casio Mini Keyboard later, Nicole and her birthmother Mary Lou sit on some steps and take the ends off of green beans. Oh, as if there is a high-school cafeteria on earth where they a) just let the lunch ladies perch anywhere they want to on school grounds and take their own sweet time with their precious little chores, as if Kennedy was their very own back porch in Savannah, Georgia or b) serve green beans that aren't canned or frozen. Nicole is apologizing tenderly for her mother not wanting to meet her. No. More. Nice. Nicole. Please. The torture continues with Nicole wondering earnestly why her mom can't be more understanding about "us." Mary Lou counters that they'll just have to work at finding time to spend together without her mother present. I'd imagine that there could well be a garden on school grounds that grows organic mesclun greens. Mary Lou and Nicole could both harvest it for cafeteria salads together between classes. That's where Mary Lou can pass down her womanly white-trash wisdom and give Nicole the guidance she needs to pass through her difficult adolescence. Whatever. Nicole is all "but she can't do that to us!" Meanwhile, Mary Lou doesn't exactly hang her head in shame and mumble "can't blame her for not wanting to meet poor ole white-trash me!" but she might as well have. Nicole thinks up a solution but has to run to class before she can share it with Mary Lou.
Cafeteria. Brooke and Carmen try to convince Sam and Lily to come with them to the frat party, 'cause after all, how crazy can a semi-formal be? I smell desperation and vulnerability -- who's wearing Date-rape eau de parfum? I think it's Carmen, who is giggling helplessly in anticipation of the chance to check out older boys. Of course Lily goes off on sororities as elitist, exclusionary, and hierarchical. Brooke repeats that whole line about mature men and women achieving their goals together and forming life-long friendships. Lily actually buys this flimsy excuse, especially when Brooke points out that they're all drinking gruel out of Big Gulps because of the food fights. And now that I look at their trays, I indeed see that all they have on them is Big Gulp cups. Hey! That was really funny! Carmen, predictably, has two. And that was also really funny. "Hey, wouldn't it be nice," says Brooke earnestly, "to escape the annoyance and pettiness of high school and be around adults?" To illustrate her point, Lenny and Squiggy, I mean Josh and George, enter with their Big Gulps o' gruel and sit down with the girls. Josh brags that they have cookie dough to throw so they can still start another food fight. I repeat. Josh and George aren't being cute at all right now. They are being complete assholes. So anyway, Josh sees the invite to the semi-formal and is all, "Whoa! Cool! A frat party!" Lily snatches it away from him and is all, "You're not invited!" This freaks the boys out. The young ladies revel in their ability to make their boys feel anxious. Brooke makes a crack about how they can always hang out at Chuck E. Cheese, and they all stomp off. At first George and Josh feel dejected but then Josh, who remembers the name of the frat, enlivens both of them by planning to crash. Then, to celebrate their wacky teen antics, they start a food fight with their cookie dough. Food fights are wrong. I repeat, wrong! And yes, I do realize that it's ironic in light of three school shootings in the news this week and a near-date-rape approaching later in this episode that I should fixate on food fights, but hey, that's me. I hate to clean.
Nicole's parent/teacher conference. Gee, I wonder which Kennedy teacher will be giving Nicole her parent/teacher conference. What class does Nicole spend a lot of time in? Is it Chem? Or could it be the Chemistry teacher, Chem? Or maybe it's that formerly androgynous science instructor named Chem? Why, it is Chem conducting the parent/teacher conference! What a surprise! Anyway, Chem is telling Mrs. Julian that she feels that Nicole should go to a technical school, or into the military. Hee! Miss Julian gives it right back to her about her own "level of achievement" as a high-school biology teacher. Before Chem can react, there's someone else at the door that wants to join the conference. It's Mary Lou! Get it? She's Nicole's parent; she should attend Nicole's parent/teacher conference. And that's fine with me, but what is Nicole doing at her own parent/teacher conference? Don't these things usually go on without the student present, and thus are not named student/parent/teacher conferences?
So then Chem makes a crack about Nicole having "two mommies," and mentions having a book about that very issue. Nicole sets the record straight -- Mary Lou is her birth mother -- and begs Mama Julian to let Mary Lou stay. Mama Julian huffs and puffs, so Mary Lou does another "po' little ole white trash like me should leave" routine and walks out, but not without pausing a lot and turning back a few times in case anyone changes their minds. Chem tells Mama Julian that they all need to deal with this adoption issue and get it all out in the open. Mama Julian doesn't want anyone butting in. Chem insists, threatening to flunk Nicole if they don't. Whatever. I mean, I guess they have to give Chem something to do in this episode, but couldn't they have found a more creative way to include her? Mama Julian invites everyone over to Chez Nicole for dinner. Chem is all psyched to have dinner at the Julian residence and wants to know what they're having.
Locker room. Just as George is throwing a tank top on over his giant man tits, Josh is whining about how they all have a problem with their girls. George doesn't seem to care; he feels that Sam would tell him if there was a problem. Tell him? She'd write an editorial about it in the Zapruder! Harrison enters. He's all uncomfortable around George because of the whole Sam thing. It's the first he's heard of the frat party. Josh invites him to come along. Harrison isn't interested, at first but then changes his mind when he realizes that he might have a front-row seat for George seeing Sam hanging out with college guys. "The key is to blend in," says Josh. "And I know just how." He gathers his homies around him to tell them his brilliant plan.
The Novak. Brooke unveils her brilliant plan to sneak out to the frat party. First they'll all tell their parents they're sleeping over at each other's house. Then they'll put on slinky outfits under trench coats and sneak out in groups of two, so as not to arouse suspicion. So then for some reason, even though they're already dressed for the party at school, they go back to Sam's house to "sneak out." Mike and Va-Jane-Ah are doing dishes while Carmen and Brooke slip out unnoticed. They don't own a dishwasher? When Lily and Sam try to slip out, however, Jane catches them in a lie, because apparently Mrs. Esposito called Va-Jane-Ah to tell her that she left her retainer at home and when the two mothers compared notes, they realized that each kid was supposed to be sleeping at the other's house. When Jane pulls off Sam's coat, she finds a party dress underneath. Mike and Jane giggle fiendishly at the thought of subjecting the girls to an evening of board games and homemade cookies. This scene is supposed to be cute in a stodgy parental kind of way, but it's actually really really annoying -- as are most scenes containing Mike and Va-Jane-Ah.
Dinner at the Julians'. I knew from the moment I spied the tuna casserole that Mary Lou brought to Mama Julian's immaculate dinner table that this scene was going to be one huge honking cliché after another. And I was right. Chem begins by asking the mothers to decide on a college for Nicole. Mama Julian has narrowed it down to a list of the most acceptable colleges which only include "The Ivies and Amherst," while Shaggy Mary just wants Nicole to go somewhere where she can pursue her "interests." Mama Julian wants to know what kind of education Shaggy Mary had. Shaggy Mary replies that she "knows uh the ways of the world." Then of course there's the all-important disdaining of the tuna casserole by Mama Nicole, which I didn't see coming a mile away or anything. Nor did I have any idea that Nicole was going to show support for her birthmother by making Mama Julian eat it. Or that Chem was going to try some and decide that it was sooooo good because, although tuna casserole is usually the food of white trash, it was made with love. Yeah, that's right, child! Love. Love that Mama Julian's money can't buy!
Outside somewhere in front of a tree, Brooke and Carmen call in on their Nextel walkie-talkies, asking Sam and Lily, hiding in the laundry room at the other end, where the hell they are. Sam explains that they've had to abort because of Mike and Va-Jane-Ah. Brooke asks if they should proceed without them, but Sam has to go before she can answer because Mike peeks into tell them he's found the board games. I say go on, Carmen and Brooke! Go to your frat party. Carmen can be almost date-raped just as easily without Sam and Lily present. Hey, wouldn't it be great if, instead of Sam and Lily getting caught, Brooke and Carmen got caught and Sam and Lily went to the party, which turned out to be in a lesbian sorority, and Lily got almost date-raped? I think that would have made this a much more interesting episode. And also, while we're on the subject, what is the point of owning these Nextel walkie-talkies when there are cell phones and all of these girls own one already?
Nicole and her mother have taken their conversation out into the hall so they can speak privately. The clichés continue. Nicole wants her mother to accept her birth mother. Mama Nicole notices that one of her pre-Colombian artifacts is missing from the hall table. Of course, she suspects Shaggy Mary. Whatever.
Brooke and Carmen decide to go the party without Sam and Lily. They figure that since they're getting into trouble anyway, they might as well have a good time beforehand. As a finalization of their decision, Carmen rips off her trench coat to reveal her boobalicious outfit and bounces around for a while. Are you watching, South America?
Sam and Lily are forced to play musical chairs with Mike and Va-Jane-Ah. Why? It doesn't make sense, nor is it funny. Who knows? Maybe it's funny to the Korean War veteran who wrote this episode.
Shaggy Mary is confronted about the theft. She swears she didn't take it, but Mama Julian doesn't believe her. Forlornly, Shaggy Mary says goodbye to Nicole and leaves, apologizing for the artifact and saying she's "sure it will turn up somewhere" while the Casio Mini-Keyboard plays. Nicole gets mad at Mama Julian for not giving Shaggy the benefit of the doubt. Mama still feels vindicated. Chem notices the artifact lying on another table across the room. Didn't see that coming or anything. Nicole is all, "Are you happy now?" Mama Julian is all, "Where are you going?" Nicole is all, "To be with my mother!"
Carmen and Brooke ogle frat guys while Nancy Cates leads them around the frat house, saying things like, "Guess what? These Prince Charmings don't use Stridex!" As if anyone says stuff like that in real life. Then she introduces Carmen and Brooke to Chad King, the fraternity brother who will be trying to date-rape Carmen later on. Oh wait, did I say that? I meant "the guy who is going to give Carmen a grand tour of the frat house." Nancy wants to show Brooke around the campus, so she asks Chad to go date-rape Carmen. I mean, she asks Chad to show Carmen around the frat house. Carmen and Chad exit.
Nancy Cates gives Brooke yet another speech about how great Alpha and Lambda are and how prestigious they are. Brooke asks her what makes a frat house prestigious. Nancy is all, "Look around! They have the hottest guys! And since we have the hottest girls, we're a match made in Coastal University heaven!" And then in case you didn't get just how bad, superficial, and elitist Nancy Cates is, she goes and berates the girl who got her a Tom Collins with lemon. "Alpha Thetas encourage perfection," she explains. "Clearly you demand it too, isn't that why you're here?" Brooke, obviously thinking about her eating disorder amid all this talk of perfection, goes inward for a moment. Nancy wants to introduce her to the sisters. Brooke wants to wait for Carmen so she can meet them too. Nancy is all, "Why don't you have a drink at the bar and I'll introduce you both around?"
Outside, Harrison, George, and Josh try to crash the party wearing togas. They aren't allowed in because they don't know the secret handshake, and are thrown into a dumpster a few towns over by some frat boys.
Sam and Lily are forced by Mike and Va-Jane-Ah to play a game called Contortion, which is basically Twister, except I guess Milton Bradley didn't want anything to do with this episode. I don't blame them.
Okay. Back at the frat house, Chad hasn't tried to date-rape Carmen yet, and in fact he's just wrapping up the tour. So then Carmen is all curious about the rooms and totally wants to see them because she's never been date-raped before. I mean, "she's never seen fraternity living quarters before." Chad keeps trying to discourage her from seeing them, because there's nothing to see since most of the brothers lock their rooms. Carmen insists on seeing a room, so she asks Chad how come he can't date-rape her, I mean "show her his room." Finally Chad decides it's okay to show Carmen his room. He escorts her to the stairs, but just before he follows her up, a buddy of his gives him a date-rape high-five. God, it's just so suspenseful the way you have no idea Carmen's going to almost get date-raped until he actually tries to date-rape her.
Brooke spills a drink on a "cute" guy, so they introduce themselves. He's sensitive and insecure, just like she is. Brooke is smitten. They arrange to go somewhere a little quieter and talk, but Brooke wants to tell the sorority sisters where she's going first. They split up momentarily, intending to meet back at the bar, but before they go, she gives him the silk scarf from her ensemble as collateral.
The boys thumb a ride back to their car. I guess that dumpster was really far away. George and Harrison bicker. George makes the startling observation that they're fighting over Sam. George tells Cancer Boy to deal with the fact that he and Sam are going out and are going to be together for a while.
Nicole is in Shaggy Mary's car. I guess Shaggy waited like fifteen minutes before driving away from Chez Julian, just in case. Nicole apologizes for her mother's behavior and proposes that Shaggy readopt her so they can be together without having to deal with Mama Julian. They can live off of Nicole's trust fund that Shaggy will have access to once she's Nicole's legal guardian. Shaggy protests a few times that she doesn't want Nicole's money, but finally gives in. She goes into the house, instead of Nicole, to break the news to Mama Julian.
Back at the frat house, Chad hasn't tried to date-rape Carmen yet, but he's sitting on his bed to her, toasting her first frat party. They clink plastic cups, and his beer spills all over her. This of course means that Carmen has to take off her shirt…in front of Chad the date-rapist. Ah, it's all coming together now! Carmen, being the sassy and fearless woman that she is -- not to mention a good seventy pounds heavier than her potential date-rapist -- bursts into tears at the mere suggestion and runs into his closet and barricades herself in. She tries to call Brooke on her walkie-talkie, but Brooke can't hear her because of all the party noise. Hey, Chad, not that I'm an expert on heterosexual date-rape or anything, but time you might want to try getting the girl drunk before you date-rape her. That tends to go a lot easier.
Brooke is having her own problems. She's not going to be date-raped, but she is going to be degraded another way. Sister Nancy comes up behind her and reads her the riot act. Apparently, Sensitive Guy from the last scene is Nancy's ex-boyfriend, and Brooke shouldn't have touched him. "Here at Alpha Theta," says Nancy, "we don't chow each other's scraps!" Brooke insists that Nancy is being "stupid" about the whole thing. Nancy insists that Brooke is being ungrateful, "especially after we found someone with strong enough beer goggles so we could ditch your unfortunate friend!" Brooke is all, "What is wrong with my friend?" Oh, if only I was at that party to answer that, but alas, I was not. Nancy points to all of her thin sorority sisters and tells Brooke that Alpha Thetas have "standards." Brooke decides to leave. The sisters make her leave by the front door without Carmen. After she does, Sensitive Boy surveys the crowd, which is becoming increasingly rowdy and immature, fails to find Brooke, and bums out about it.
Luckily, Harrison, Josh, and George arrive back at the frat party just in time to see Brooke on her way out. Brooke cries on their shoulders about how the sorority turned out to be nothing more than an "extension of Glamazon catty-ness." When Josh and George find out that Lily and Sam were prevented from going to the party at all, they want to leave. Harrison offers to stay with Brooke until they find Carmen. Just then Brooke remembers that she has the walkie-talkies, and picks hers up to find Carmen begging for help from inside Chad's closet. They run up and save Carmen from getting date-raped. Wow, they arrived in the nick of time. It really looked like he was going to date-rape her and everything. "I [sniff] just [sniff] want [sniff] to [sniff] go [sniff] home [sniff]," says Carmen. "Hey," says Chad the date-rapist. "You wanted to come up here!" "Only because you manipulated me!" says Carmen. Whatever. "I thought I was coming up here with an adult but you were just an immature brat in the body of an adult. I guess being in college doesn't make you a grown-up!" Hey, that's the theme of tonight's episode! On her way out, Brooke confronts Nancy and goes, "Is this what makes the house prestigious?" Nancy looks really burnt -- probably because if Carmen's date-rape hadn't failed, they would have pulled ahead in the all-fraternity date-rape tournament.
Back at the palace, Va-Jane-Ah confesses to Sam that she secretly enjoyed making Sam and Lily play games with her and Mike, because she was looking for an excuse to spend time with her and doesn't want her little girl growing up too fast. No one cares. And when's that baby due, Jane? You're looking a little skinny to be over four months pregnant.
Back at Chez Julian, Shaggy Mary tells Mama Skank that she'll leave town and never see Nicole again for $50,000. Okay, so am I to understand that Shaggy Mary is an imposter who did some major research, found out about the diaper pin, bought one just like it, and got a job at Kennedy? Once she was there, she waited until Nicole noticed her and then made her move for a mere $50,000? What a brilliant criminal mind! Unfortunately for her, Nicole hears the whole thing, and the jig is up. Mary Lou leaves with out her money, and Mama Julian tries to comfort Nicole. Okay, is this plot-line over? Please?
The day in the cafeteria. "I'm so glad college is a year away," says Carmen. "Because it's going to take me at least that long to recover." Yeah, Carmen, you'll probably have near date-rape flashbacks every time someone hands you a beer in a plastic cup. Brooke, Sam, and Lily conclude that high school is better than college because people get date-raped in college. As a group, they have learned from Carmen's near-misfortune to appreciate their stinky, Nintendo-playing, high-school boyfriends…who they made sexual harassment complaints against last year.
George and Josh enter bearing gifts. Principal Krupps is letting them have Jell-O because they apologized to him for starting all those food fights. "Maybe we have it better than we thought," says Brooke, throwing some Jell-O at Carmen and starting another food fight. I repeat, food fights are not cool at all!