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So, it's the last episode. It's your last time to share and cry and hate these girls with me. So we get a full hour to do it this time. Oh, joy.
Ana Maria says that every time they think about the upcoming concert, they get excited because their families are going to be there.
Nicole is now completely asleep as she tells us that she can't wait to perform in front of her friends and her family: "And just let it all out. Everything that we've worked hard for in the past months."
Luckily I have a No Recapping Rosanna rule instated here. She basically says, "I'm living something that I never expected to live, ever." Okay, so I totally recapped her sentence, but it was dumb enough that I had no choice.
Ivette gets very preachy on us, using the Pinched Fingers of Driving Home An Attempt At A Point and says that when the music starts and they start dancing there's some sort of "magic" that happens. I suppose so. The magic of lip-synching.
Maile says she knows she's going to have a big smile on her face when she gets onstage at the Palace. And then she names the other members of Eden's Crush for us to prove that she's been studying the names of the other girls so that she doesn't just keep referring to them as "bitches."
We're told that the girls will rehearse at the Palace and that their families will be there to see them. Rosanna says something about dreams that I'm not recapping.
In a split screen, Right-Side Maile is dancing and singing the Spanish-English number while Travis sasses around her, and Left-Side Maile is telling us that she's nervous. She then tells us that they have a lot of work to do, so that we have some sort of sympathy for her. They have to get their costumes done. They have to run "at least a couple tech rehearsals." Since when are these things her concern? "I am very nervous," she tells us, like she's the one who holds this group together.
The narrator: "The concert will consist of a series of songs from their CD." As opposed to the concert they had originally scheduled, where they just took off all their clothes and spilled paint on each other. I'm so glad this narrator is almost gone from my life. I hope he's fired season. Travis is back to choreograph the songs. He's wiggling around, pointing, holding a pen, but we can't hear him over the narrator and some audio of a song playing on a jambox in the rehearsal room. The girls dance without lip-synching this time. Ana Maria holds a pen up to her mouth so that she never loses the all-important "keep the elbow bent so they can hear me sing" rule. The girls are dancing in spiked heels. We watch Travis give the girls a dance movement that involves him groaning the word "ooh," over and over again as they wave their hands in the air. Nicole is lip-synching the hell out of her part. Her eyes are closed, her diva arm is up, and her hand is holding that pen like the best dick of her life.
The girls are stretching on the floor as Travis receives an "unexpected" phone call. He brings his cell phone over and the girls stand in a group. The cell phone has an amazing speaker system and all of them can hear. It's Barbara and Stephanie from London Sire. The woman on the phone says, "Number one in the country. Number one at The Wiz. Number one at Virgin." Rosanna looks up and squints, thinking, "What's a virgin?" The woman blah-blahs on about more number ones and says that the single is the highest they've ever had in sales on a debut single. I find this hard to believe. Maybe they just mean at Tower Records. The girls scream and jump. Cut to Nicole telling us that they have to rehearse. Travis jumps in front of the camera and beams, "Good answer!"
The narrator tells us that "the stakes are much higher" now that they know people know who they are. Travis has both arms in the air, dancing for his life. Nicole is still lip-synching like it's something impressive.
"But of course it's not all work." Narrator. Please. Shut. Up. The girls are sitting at a long table, reading the résumés and head shots of their possible male back-up dancers. Flashback to the girls entering the audition room. "Hi, everybody!" Nicole shouts to no one. "Look what we're gonna do," Ivette says like she's Rosie Perez for some reason. Ana Maria says they're going to look at "all the boys dancing" and pick five or six. She admits that she has no idea what they're supposed to do, but they get to look at boys, so it doesn't matter. As Ana Maria tells us how amazed she is to see so many men in the room, behind her Nicole has already gotten to work. She's embracing some boy and whispering in his ear. Ivette is holding on to some boy with curly hair. Travis has dressed down for the occasion and is wearing a sweatshirt. I can't believe it. When the boys show up, he gets grubby.
The boys stretch and eye each other up, making plans for later on that evening.
The girls stare at plates of food, wondering what they're supposed to do with them. Travis welcomes the boys and thanks them for coming. Two of the boys look back at Travis and give the eyebrows that say, "No. Thank you." Travis sweeps his arm over the girls and says, "This is Eden's Crush." The girls wave and smile, as if they have a chance with any of these men. The camera shows several shots of terrified boys as Travis says they're going to be casting men to dance behind Eden's Crush at the concert. Oh, he took off that sweatshirt, by the way. Now it's a black zippie sleeveless number.
Unnecessary shot of Maile making a pouty face. Travis moves the men into a line. The narrator says this is an "ironic twist," now that the girls are the ones on the other side of the casting table. Like the last time when they picked the boys for their video? Right. Ivette holds food near her mouth, but she doesn't eat anything. Travis leans down between the girls, as if they have a say in the matter. Travis is running around the men, touching them on the shoulder to say they've been cut. The narrator says that the girls are looking for boys with dancing ability and "for those who will complement their already established style and sensibility." Their who in the what, now?
Rosanna put her accent back on because she's wearing a puffy black jacket. "Understand..." Oh, wait. There's no recapping of Rosanna. She tells us that all of the boys are their types. Ana Maria says that they're awesome at the same time. Nicole makes a noise like, "Nuhweh." I love that these girls think the men might actually be interested in them. Nicole says that this is "nerve-wracking" and that she doesn't want to cut anyone.
The boys have to dance to Eden's Crush songs, which I'm assuming they weren't prepared for. There's a look of pain on each boy's face. The girls are flipping through the head shots. Rosanna makes a grossed-out face and admits that she's actually looking for "ability." Not that I'm recapping her, but I love that Maile's staring at Rosanna here thinking, "Sure you are, babe."
Travis very slowly, quite lovingly pats two men on their shoulders to cut them.
Someone is taking notes that include "Red shirt," "Blonde hair," "Long hair," and "bald grey shirt -- sex." You know, to be specific.
The boys clap and dance. The girls watch and groove to their own song.
Someone let Damon Wayans audition. He's got his necklace taped to his shoulder so it doesn't put out his eye while he dances.
Ana Maria tells us that she has to keep a straight face because she doesn't want one boy to see her get excited over another.
The boys keep dancing. Some can dance, some can't. One wears a Sex Pistols shirt. Maile stares with her mouth open, propping her face on her fist. Nicole is too busy dancing to her own voice to pay attention. Travis lets Damon Wayans and a few others go. The boys keep dancing to "No Drama" as the girls watch and Travis makes noises off-camera.
Some guy has decided to take matters into his own hands. He jiggles up to the table where only Nicole is sitting and thrusts his penis at her a few times. She screams as Travis lets out a shriek of jealous rage. Maile leans in to protect Nicole if necessary. Applause.
The girls are fighting over the head shots. Ivette is trying to grab a head shot out of Nicole's hand. "No, no, no. He's my baby," she says. "Like, twelve years ago I called him," Nicole smiles. Ivette says she called him the minute she saw him.