Quick Fun Star flashes by. Shot of Destiny's Child. Our voice-over keeps on learnin' us: "They see bands like Destiny's Child..." Cut to a four-square shot of the Spice Girls. "...Spice Girls." Cut to a girl walking down a hotel lobby with her arms in the air. "...And they think, 'If I had a chance, I could do that.'" We see several shots of girls flirting with the camera. We cut to several shots of girls laughing, crying and praying as we hear one woman (she's easily in her thirties) say, "I wanna be a pop star because it's been a childhood dream of mine since I was a little girl." Man, you can't write shit like that, people. A childhood dream since she was a little girl. Cut to another girl bragging that she can "do this." A blonde cries. A woman looks embarrassed. The voice-over presses on. "Five of these girls will have the opportunity to prove it." One girl walks in a hallway by herself and makes the sign of the cross. Cut to another girl singing her ass off. Oh, by the way, we are one minute into the show. Belly-button count? Thirty-seven. Halter count? Sixteen. That's probably because lots of them are still standing outside in the cold. Cut to three grown-ups sitting down, looking stern and nodding. Singing girl finishes. Cut to a sad-ass Mariah Carey-wannabe mumbling around. Nice purple eye-shadow, Trash. She stops singing, smiles and says, "Aw, gah, I...I messed this up." Quick shots of girls attack my eyes as the voice-over continues, "As we take off on a nationwide search to create the all-girl supergroup." One girl sings "I Will Always Love You." Split screen to two girls singing, "I Will Always Love You." Split the screen again. And again. So many girls are all singing "I Will Always Love You." All of my eyebrows fall out and sprinkle my laptop keyboard. "Oozing personality!" one girl says. Split screen cut to a sassy girl singing about a rock. The other side of the split screen is rolling several other girls who are deep in thought. Are you getting lost? Thank God for the voice-over. "The group will be chosen from thousands of hopefuls." A giggle of girls shouts, "Superstah!" More shots of happy, giggly girlies. "For the thirteen weeks you'll witness their transformation to pop stardom." Girls dance, giggle, sing and pray. "As they work with music industry superstars like fourteen-time Grammy-award winner David Foster." Okay, while the voice-over is bragging about Mr. Foster, they superimpose Mr. Foster's most "impressive" work: a piece of paper that reads, "In recognition of your Nomination for Album of Original Score Written For A Motion Picture Or A TV Special St. Elmo's Fire." Whee! Cut to a shot of David giving someone off-camera a thumbs-up. They tell us that David's worked with Céline Dion, Madonna, and Whitney Houston. David gives us these words of wisdom: "If you wanna make your way in this world -- be great." Wow. It's like, he can say all of these smart things and like, still come up with a kick-ass soundtrack for St. Elmo's Fire? Why can't I find a man like that?