So, newspapers have several different ways of saying, "Oops, we fucked up," each of which represents various levels of admittance to culpability. A "retraction" is the most extreme. They printed something really, really bad about somebody that turned out to be completely untrue and libelous, and they're taking it back in the hopes they don't get sued for a million dollars. And sometimes it turns out to be absolutely true but pisses off an important advertiser, and the publisher makes them do it so they don't lose millions of dollars in revenue. Then there's a "correction." This is a detail about somebody that is untrue, but not libelous or dangerous. But the person and all of his friends called and bitched out the newspaper for getting it wrong. And finally, there's a "clarification." This is a mistake that isn't specifically about a person who could actually complain and demand to talk to an editor, but somebody noticed it and whined. They call it a "clarification" because it allows them to fix the error without actually admitting they were wrong. See, it was just a little confusing and they're setting the record straight.
That said, I'd like to issue a "clarification" regarding the recap of the pilot last week. In the opening scene, I described the part where Lily is driving away from City Hall and is looking at something off-frame that we don't see. Well, it turns out, some more observant people might have noted that we actually do see what Lily sees. What she sees is a girl that looks just like her in another car going the other way. And the other girl looks back at her. I didn't realize it was another girl. I thought we were just changing camera angles periodically, because, well, the show refused to settle on a single camera angle for more than three seconds. But if you look carefully, you'll see that the two girls are wearing totally different hats. Props to blixie for pointing this out on the forums. I totally missed it, and I watched that scene six times for the recapping. MBTV regrets any confusion. Okay, not really. They just make us say that.
Confidential to Diane K.: Clarity in visual storytelling is far more important that arty camera angles.
Rather than having a "Previously on Pasadena" montage, Lily narrates a brief description explaining who all the Greeleys are and their various dysfunctions. I don't see much point of recapping it. It concludes with a look back at Lily's encounter with crazy Phillip Parker, and his subsequent suicide in the dining room of the McMansion.
We fade in on Henry "That '70s 'Do" Bellows and Lily "Suddenly, Rachel" Greeley McAllister sitting on a bed making eyes at each other. Their nicknames are due to their hairstyles, which look almost completely different from what they were last week. Henry has let his hair grow out a bit floppy; he looks like the current prototype for a Tommy Hilfiger model. Lily's hair has grown out by at least six inches, maybe more, and hangs down straight with long bangs and a part in the middle. I think her '20s retro hairdo was more interesting, but nobody asked me. The two of them start making out. There's strange, reedy music and blurring effects with the visuals to telegraph to us that this is a dream. Henry takes off his shirt. He's kind of skinny. I think he's one of those guys who looks cuter with clothes on. While they make out some more, we can see that Henry is holding a handgun. He caresses Lily's cheek with the barrel. She touches it and responds in confusion. Henry pulls away and holds the gun up to his own head. There's a sound of a gunshot. Then Lily wakes up in bed to a little white poofy dog we've never seen before.
Downstairs, Catherine "Avoidance Macabre" Greeley McAllister is ripping out pages of fancy dining rooms from a magazine. Presumably she's using them as models for her own redecorations, but since she just redid the dining room last episode (and they're still pulling splinters out of the wallpaper), I'd say it's not outside the realm of possibility that she's going to put out hits on all these people for having prettier houses than her. Lily flounces downstairs and whines to Catherine that she can't sleep. Mom asks her if she had fun at the party. The party was last night? Did somebody spike the drinks with Rogaine? Lily brings up the whole song-and-dance number titled "Mom Lied About Knowing Phillip Parker" yet again. Mom's not in the mood for show tunes and insists that she didn't know him. Lily reveals that she's got a copy of Catherine's high school yearbook and knows they went to school together. Catherine wants to know where she got it, but Lily won't allow her to change the subject. Catherine pulls the "we're rich; sometimes people we don't know claim to know us and like us or don't like us" excuse. I didn't buy that when I heard it last in the film Gossip. I can only sincerely hope that the end of this whole mystery makes a lot more sense than that one did. Lily insists that there must be something Mom isn't telling her, but Mom insists in turn that Lily has an overactive imagination. Mom gives Lily a hug and whispers in her ear, "Let it go." If Dana Delany's voice gets much lower, she's going to start sounding like Henry Kissinger. When Lily heads back upstairs, Catherine shoots the back of her head a not-altogether-friendly look. In her room, Lily examines the picture of the mysterious girl in the locket some more as we fade into the credits.
They've added shots of the cast to the opening credits. That picture of the guy in the cadet outfit I believe is a picture of Mark Valley. He went to West Point, you know. And fought in Desert Storm. Some of you are drooling into your keyboards already. Stop it.
Cut to Jennie and Lily, driving up to an office building in Jennie's convertible to see Nate "Methadon't" Greeley sitting outside. He ambles up to their car to ask them what they're doing there. Lily lies that they were in the neighborhood and just wanted to stop by. Jennie flirts with Nate; Nate can't remember her name. Hee. Nate does remember that Jennie's parents are diplomats. Jennie saucily tells him that her parents are in Belize all the time. Nate nods at this; for some reason, I suspect he's thinking not of a potential booty call, but rather of a place to "party" without getting caught by the family. Lily asks what Nate's doing outside. He says he's "waiting for a friend." Yeah, he's bringing Nate some candy. Jennie, who is far too clueless for her own good, asks if he's waiting for his girlfriend. Perhaps I should have put her in the "Who's going to get murdered?" poll last episode. Just then, a wonderfully trashy flaming-red Pontiac Firebird parks nearby. Nate tells the girls he'll be right back. He goes over to the car, bitching at the driver for being late. While Jennie cluelessly calls Nate a "bad-ass," Lily watches as he buys what is clearly a packet of cocaine from the driver.
Later that evening, Lily is arguing with Jennie over the phone about Nate while she looks through her mom's old yearbook. Hee. Dana Delany's hair. Makes me laugh every time. Lily tries to get Jennie to drop her interest in Nate, pointing out that it would count as statutory rape. Jennie begs Lily to give her Nate's number, but she refuses, so Jennie hangs up on her.
Downstairs, Will has decided that since confessing to his affair to Catherine first thing in the morning didn't work out, he's going to set her down in front of a fireplace with some wine and try to make it all romantic or something. Or maybe just get her drunk. These guys have the fireplaces running all the time. They're in Southern California. That house must be hot as hell. Will broods, and Catherine looks distant. He takes a swig of wine and tries to figure out a way to blame Catherine for the affair while still being charming. He tells her that when he started the affair, he was "feeling shut-down and empty" (read: "Jayleen gave me blowjobs!"). Catherine asks him to stop for a moment. She grabs the wine and fills her glass up some more, takes a swig, affixes a fake smile on her face, and tells Will to continue. Ha! So cold. So very cold. I think Will ended up marrying the only woman on earth immune to his charms.
At some apartment, Beth comes out of the bathroom to show off her "slutty" mini-dress to a man lying naked in bed doing a crossword puzzle. For a writer, Jimmy certainly has well-developed pecs. Oh, that's right, this is Los Angeles. Excuse me while I fill myself up with Dr. Pepper and Twix bars. Mmm, breakfast. Beth simperingly asks Jimmy if he likes her dress. He does, of course, because he has eyes and is heterosexual. And he probably knows better than to ever criticize a girlfriend's clothing. Beth simpers that Grandma thought the dress was too skimpy, so she waited and went back later to buy it. What is she, fifteen? So is it the lack of backbone that causes that breathy, baby-girl voice that Beth has? She could blow out the candles of a birthday cake in the room just by talking. Beth simpers that Grandma thinks that a writer is "out of her league," but she's going to date -- and screw -- whomever she chooses. Wow, what a rebel. What with the rest of us all stuck in arranged marriages. Jimmy wonders why Grandma thinks he's out of Beth's league. He asks if it's because he's not rich. Beth says it doesn't matter. He asks if it's because he's Jewish. Beth's all, "You're Jewish?" as if he had just told her he worked for the CIA. We cut away, so we don't know what Beth says , but given the family's anti-Semitic background, I imagine it was something unbelievably crass like "But your nose looks normal-sized," or "But you're not a banker." Don't worry, there will be crass comments about Jews later.
At school, Lily and Henry are whispering to each other during Plot-Parallel Literature. And when I say "whispering," I mean actual whispering, not stage whispering. I can't even hear what they're saying over the teacher's lecture. From what I can gather, Lily tells Henry that Mom went through her stuff, and Henry suggests that turnabout is fair play.
Meanwhile, Catherine is back at the store to return some of the clothes she bought on her last trip. She looks around for the hunky security guard and draws his attention. She wanders around the store; the man starts following her. He starts to approach her, but once he gets within twenty feet, a clerk ruins the moment by coming up to give Catherine her receipt for store credit. She thanks the woman and leaves, turning to give the security guard one last lingering look. Bah. Quit dragging it out. If this were Queer as Folk, the guy would already be licking Brian's armpits. He looks more like Brian's type anyway, if you catch my meaning.
At the McMansion, Lily starts searching her parents' room. I keep hoping that she finds strange, creepy things like shrunken heads, jars full of teeth, or a collection of forceps of varying sizes, but no such luck. Mom returns home while Lily is searching. Will Mom catch her in the act? Wait. Why does it matter? Lily's been pretty obvious about her suspicions. Lily finds the locket and yearbook in the drawer of an end table. She turns around, and Mom is standing there. Oops, busted! Mom, I mean, not Lily, who points out that Mom lied to her yet again. So Mom is finally willing to tell the Lily the truth. Well, she's willing to tell Lily a story anyway. Whether or not it's true remains to be seen. The girl in the locket, Meredith, was Catherine's best friend. She compares her relationship to the one between Lily and Jennie, and now I know I should have put Jennie in the death pool poll last week. Phillip was Meredith's boyfriend. One night, when they were sixteen, Meredith went out with Phillip and never came back. They found an abandoned car, but they never found Meredith. Catherine says that she knew the minute Meredith went missing that Phillip had killed her, but he was never charged and nobody could ever find any proof. Catherine says she wasn't afraid of telling anybody what she thought, and Phillip hated her for it and accused her of turning Pasadena against him. Uh, doesn't telling everybody that she thinks Phillip killed Meredith constitute turning people against him? So Pasadena turned against him. Big deal. Couldn't he move to Burbank or Glenwood or something? Catherine insists that Phillip was coming to kill her that night. She tells Lily that the family knows the whole sordid tale, but Greeleys are raised to repress and not discuss the family's problems. Catherine looks very believable and sincere in her story -- her eyes are even watering -- even though it's so obvious that she's lying her ass off. Lily seems to believe her.
After the commercials (what will it take for the women of Clairol to shut up?), Catherine is driving Mason and Lily somewhere. Mom asks Lily where she got all those articles she saw about the family. She tells Mom about Henry, which piques her interest. Catherine guesses that Lily likes Henry, and invites her to bring him over to a family dinner. Lily says that he won't come because he's "prejudiced against rich people." Catherine says that's because he hasn't meant their family yet. Then they both burst out laughing, because they know that one dinner with the Greeleys is likely to push Henry into becoming a Socialist revolutionary. Lily uses Catherine's "this family tends to cover things up" speech from before as a segue to tell Catherine that she thinks that Nate stole her bracelet last episode, and through a chain of circumstances, it ended up in his nasal cavity in powdered form.
Back at either Jimmy's or Beth's apartment, Beth is in bed, reading what looks like a children's coloring book on Judaism while Jimmy sleeps. Jimmy must belong to a fairly liberal sect of Judaism because he has a tattoo on his back, which I understand is a big no-no among the more orthodox followers. As Beth takes notes in the book, or possibly colors in a picture of a menorah, she gets a simpering voice-over where she says it's time to stand up for herself and she likes Jimmy and that should be all that matters. She breathlessly concludes, "I'm having sex with a Jew!" like that's some big mystical adventure. This is what passes for a "psycho soap opera"? Have they seen what goes on on the soaps these days? Beth better be wandering through the sex clubs of West Hollywood wearing a rubber wetsuit with the crotch cut out and a pierced clitoris by episode six if they're hoping to outskank the women of daytime.
At the offices of The Sun, George has called Robert in for a meeting. George asks Robert about his lunch with the board members, and about his "smart ideas" for the paper. Robert vaguely describes them as cost-cutting measures and ways "to liven things up around here." Yeah, that's going to go over well among the staff. I've never worked at a daily paper myself, but my understanding is that journalists regard ideas coming from the business side of the newspaper much in the way Pat Robertson might regard the Castro district in San Francisco. George tells Robert that "there's going to be some changes around here." He adds that he's called an executive meeting at the end of the week, and Robert will want to be there. Robert, oblivious to the stench of George's contempt that is filling up the room, smirks and says he'll be there. He also tells George that Catherine told him about Nate's continuing drug problem. George says he'll take care of it, but Robert wants to handle it. He says that Nate needs to be "scared straight," and blathers about being ready to take on the family business. George regards him with a cranky "yeah, right" look, but doesn't say anything. Robert leaves the office, then silently congratulates himself. Poor, dumb, smirking frat boy thug. For some reason, I'm imagining how hard it may have been to explain to Dan Quayle that he didn't get to be vice president anymore.
Perhaps the third time will be the charm for Catherine. She wanders into the clothing store again, almost immediately catching the eye of the security guard. His smirk certainly marks him as potential Greeley-mate material. Catherine coyly grabs a dress and continues to make eye contact with him as she makes her way over to the dressing rooms. She goes in as the guard starts to wander over. Catherine hangs up the dress and brushes back her hair as she waits for him. She looks petrified. The man enters and pulls out his earpiece. He suavely unbuttons his sport coat as he walks over to Catherine. He has obviously done this before; perhaps this is just an additional customer service feature? I imagine the store must get quite a few bored, lonely trophy wives. They start making out. Catherine is frightened and tentative at first, but eventually starts pulling off his tie and shirt as they go at it. Good acting by Dana Delany. Everything she's been in since China Beach has kind of stunk, but she's really good with the non-verbal stuff here.
We get another attempt at an ironic transition. Jennie complains that she needs some excitement in her life, as we cut to her and Lily sitting on some bench. Jennie still won't give up on Nate, despite Lily's warning that he has a lot of problems. Jennie responds, "Good, that's what I want. Somebody warped, twisted, and revolting." Lily, just let her have him. Obviously, some people are capable of learning how hot the flames are only by sitting on the bonfire. Jennie begs for Nate's phone number again. Lily refuses again. When Jennie says she'll just go by where Nate lives (he must live near where they encountered him on the sidewalk previously), Lily tells him he won't be there because they're having another family (subplot development) dinner. Jennie begs Lily to invite her. Just then, Tom comes driving up in his crapmobile. Lily runs over to it as Henry climbs into the passenger side without opening the door, Dukes of Hazzard-style. She greets Henry and he introduces her to his brother. Lily says that Mom told her all about Phillip and she wants to tell Henry the scoop. Henry tells her that, unfortunately, he has to head off to work. She invites him over to the family dinner that evening. He's hesitant, but Tom eggs him on to go. Finally, he agrees. After Lily leaves, Tom teases Henry for being hesitant to go hang with a pretty girl.
Night falls on the McMansion. Robert arrives, bearing flowers for Catherine. He greets Pilar, but thinks that she's Rosa. Catherine corrects him. Robert greets Pilar loudly and poorly in Spanish. She ignores him. She'll spit in his gin and tonic later, no doubt. Robert and Catherine chat in the dining room. Catherine's worried about Nate; Robert promises to take care of it. Then Robert tells her that "Hell's frozen over," and that George is stepping down as publisher of The Sun and naming him as the successor at the end of the week. Catherine looks surprised, though I suspect the look on her face will be nothing compared to the look on Robert's once he hears the truth. Robert says that he always felt that George was just "tolerating" him, but obviously the man must respect him if he's going to name him publisher. Ouch. Okay, I feel a little bad for Robert. Yeah, he's a big, dumb thug, but George sounds like he's been stringing him along. Catherine rushes over and gives him a big hug. He picks her up and twirls her around like she's his girl and he hasn't seen her since he went off to war. More fodder for the incest thread.
Will comes down to answer the door. It's Grandma (whose name, we finally find out, is Lillian) and George. Lillian goes to talk to Catherine (read: find something to criticize Catherine for) as George takes Will aside for a chat. George tells Will that he's stepping down as publisher and wants Will to succeed him. I don't know whether this was supposed to be a surprise to the viewer, but it certainly wasn't to me. George established his preference in the pilot, and Robert's behavior -- and George's treatment of him -- made it clear that Robert was not going to be his choice. George asks Will to keep it to himself until the official announcement is made. He can't even tell Catherine. Yeah, George is definitely stringing Robert along.
Dinnertime. Mason regales (not) the family with the story of the rat in the kitchen, in which the rat has grown to the size of a possum at this point. Beth has brought Jimmy with her to dinner, and is wearing the "slutty" pink dress along with several long, beaded necklaces, giving the overall impression of a flapper in an Easter parade. She tells everybody that she has signed up to take a class on the Kabbalah. Everybody's all, "Kaba-what?" Beth explains that it's a text of Jewish traditions, and a lot of people are studying it right now. She gives Madonna as an example, causing Lillian to hold her head at the idea of even a tangential tie between Beth and somebody so scandalous. I will henceforth refer to Beth as "Boopsie," after the character in Doonesbury, because this sounds exactly like something she'd do, and I can imagine Boopsie having the same breathy voice as Beth. And these days, more people are examining the Qur'an, though as Deborah might point out, quite a few are mucking it up. Anyway, the discussion of Judaism triggers Robert to share a couple of jokes, both which are offensive to Jews and aren't even any good, so I won't recap them. Robert laughs at his own jokes, because he's just one of those kinds of guys. Everybody else is silent except for Mason, who giggles. Boopsie gets pissed and finally tells everybody that Jimmy is Jewish. This triggers more gales of laughter from Robert. I'm not sure if he's so stupid that he thinks Boopsie is kidding, or so insensitive that he doesn't care. Either option is a possibility. Perry Como serenades us with the Calypso-sounding "Papa Loves Mambo," as we get a montage of everybody eating. Henry looks stone-faced. Jennie tries to eat seductively to catch Nate's eye. Will broods. Sadly, nobody is possessed by Beetlejuice.
After the commercials (shut up, David E. Kelley), Nate is standing outside, smoking a cigar. Robert comes out to join him. Robert tells Nate that he looks like hell. Nate says he's been busy, "acting like [he's] some big shot over at Reese Corp., when really [he] just [sits] around and kisses [his] dad's ass. Actually, that's what [Robert's] been doing." Well, somebody had to tell Robert what everybody at The Sun is probably saying about him. Perhaps Nate has a "Scared Smart" plan for Robert. I don't think it will work. Nate continues to mock Robert for his idiotic anti-Semitic jokes at the dinner table. Robert ignores this and asks Nate if he knows anything about Catherine's missing bracelet. Nate says no. Robert calls Nate a drug-addicted loser, and Nate decides that it's time to go. As he's leaving, Jennie runs out of the house and asks if he'll give her a ride. Jennie sluts that her car is there, but sometimes she doesn't like driving in the dark. Robert watches them leave, smirking ever so slightly.