Previously, on Party of Five: Bailey proposed to Sarah, who looked distressed. Charlie proposed to Kirsten, who said yes. Sarah said she can't be engaged right now, because she's only nineteen. Julia has had some bad relationships with men, and asked, "Where is Julia?" Charlie asked Bailey to be his best man, and to help him plan the perfect wedding.
All the Salingers are unloading stuff from a truck in an alleyway. Owen is carrying a gold plaster cherub. Julia asks Bailey why they changed the location again, which is how we find out the props are for Charlie and Kirsten's wedding. Bailey says that this place, a theater, just became available, and Charlie talks about how beautiful it is. Julia says she thought this place was going to be gutted and sold, and Bailey says it is, but not for another two weeks. At this point, I was wondering why you would want to have a wedding in a place that looks practically condemned. Plus, didn't Ross and Emily already do that on Friends? Kirsten and Claudia are struggling to unload a giant pillar, which Bailey tells them represents the stages of romantic love. Claudia asks if the minister knows how to find the place, and Bailey says they don't need a minister, because it's a tech, not a rehearsal. A tech for a wedding? Oh, dear Lord. Bailey needs to lose the clipboard and take it down a notch.
Sarah comes up and asks why they are all waiting if Bailey has a key to the place. Bailey says he has a key, but it doesn't work, so he has put a call in to security and is waiting for someone to show up. This whole conversation is filled with even more awkward pauses than the typical Party of Five dialogue, so I'm guessing all is not well with these two. A guy with a cage full of doves approaches Bailey and says that he can't release the doves in a theater. Bailey argues with him as a security guard arrives and reveals that the theater has been sealed off due to "foundation cracks" and won't be re-opened for at least a couple of months. Claudia shows off her positive attitude by declaring the whole thing "a nightmare," since the wedding is only four days away. Charlie says they have plenty of time, as he and Kirsten fumble for a replacement venue and come up with the backyard. Julia agrees and Sarah chimes in, "You've done it before." Heh. Bailey says no, not the backyard because it's "rotten luck for a wedding. Charlie, Julia, am I right?" which is kind of funny as well. At least the writers are acknowledging the family's wedding history. Bailey argues that (he hopes) this is the last time they will get married, so it should feel that way. Call me crazy, but doesn't this family own a restaurant, which might be a good setting for a wedding and reception? Just checking. Everyone agrees and they start to load everything back on the trucks. During the credits, I realize that Julia's hair didn't look that bad last season.
Charlie and Kirsten are at the airport and Kirsten says her dad promised not to discuss his disapproval of the wedding -- a promise he keeps for all of three minutes. Besides being painfully thin, Kirsten is wearing white stockings. At least, I think those were white stockings. If not, she needs to invest in some self-tanner, STAT! She spots her parents, and her mom (Ellie) declares that Kirsten is "lit from within." Her dad (Gene) looks like he's been sucking on lemons. They awkwardly say hello to Charlie, and Ellie tries to smooth everything over by telling Charlie that Gene is feeling a bit off because the airline beef bourguignon bogs him down. Too much information, Ellie!
Claudia, Bailey and Owen are in the kitchen of the Salinger house, talking to Joe, who's in town for Charlie's wedding. Claudia gives Joe a big hug. Bailey gives Claudia a list of tasks to do for the wedding, including music; the band he booked fell through. Claudia says she'll get Cody's band. Bailey doesn't seem too keen on that idea, but Claudia assures him that they can do, "Motown, Sinatra, Nirvana, whatever you want." Bailey says, "The Doom Patrol, playing a wedding?" Before they can argue some more, Julia arrives and hugs Joe. Bailey says that someone should be in charge of rentals (rental of what? Chairs? Tuxedos? I have no idea). Sarah walks in and says, "Joe!" and Bailey turns and snaps at her, "Yes! Joe's here! We've established that! Meanwhile, all we have for this wedding is a bride, a groom and a date!" Whoa, Bailey! Relax! It's not like it's your wed...oh, maybe that's the problem. Sarah looks startled, but quickly recovers with, "So, where were we?" Joe says he'll take charge of the mysterious rentals. Julia comes closer to the frame, and I get my first good look at her hair. It is truly awful. She's got these wispy, Carol Brady type fringes on the bottom that looks like it was cut with safety scissors. Bailey leaves to check out a banquet hall and tells Julia to get phone numbers for all the guests. Sarah asks Bailey's retreating back what she can do to help, but he's gone. Claudia asks what's wrong with them (as if it's her business) and Sarah says it's nothing -- Bailey's just stressed out about the wedding.
Julia discovers a letter on the counter and asks Claudia how long it's been there. Claudia doesn't know and Julia starts freaking out because it's from Stilman Press, and Evan Stilman wanted to meet with her. She worries that it's too late now, and runs out of the room. Joe says weddings are stressful on everyone and apparently that includes the editor, who waits an unnecessary extra minute before cutting the scene.
Julia walks into an arty, converted-warehouse-type building, and walks up to a glassed-in office. She knocks on the glass wall, and then quickly tries to wipe off the smudge created by her hand, which cracked me up. Evan Stilman is inside, and he tells her that usually unpublished writers make an effort to see him. Unless it's become standard practice to include head shots with your story submissions, I'm not quite sure how he knew who she was. Julia starts babbling some lame story about how she missed the letter due to her address change, and he tells her that the story won't work for the magazine. Meanwhile, I'm wondering exactly when Kyle Secor turned into Tom Skerritt. She's confused as to why he wanted to meet with her. He launches into this speech about how one out of four women get hit, and so he gets a lot of story submissions dealing with the issue, but none of them (including Julia's) explain how it could happen to a capable, talented person like her. Again, I'm wondering how he knows so much about her from reading one short story. I realize that he is supposed to be friends with Perry, Julia's instructor/love interest from last season, so maybe that explains it. Anyway, he says there must be a good reason why she stayed in an abusive relationship, but that reason is not in her story. Julia asks if she should rewrite the story, and Evan says he's "being opaque." He has an imprint that publishes non-fiction trade paperback titles, mostly bios and essays, and she's not a bad writer, so if he got a proposal that clicked...Julia interrupts with, "Non-fiction...paperback...book?" ["No, frozen dinners, moron." -- Wing Chun] What is she, unfrozen caveman short story writer? Get with the program, Jules! Evan says he has an open slot for winter. OK, I've worked in the publishing industry and there is no way you can turn around a book from proposal to finished project in a few months. Unless he means winter 2001, that is. Julia stammers some more, and Evan tells her to get him a proposal.
Claudia is begging her gross boyfriend Cody to play at Charlie's wedding. Cody looks like he hasn't left his basement rehearsal room in a few years. Dude, fresh air. It's not just for breakfast anymore. Finally, he says he'll play the wedding, and Claudia starts to leave. He expresses disbelief that she's leaving and she tells him she's got a lot to do for the wedding. He complains that they never spend any time together, and that every time they are together, she has to leave to make her curfew. Claudia says she's not ready for a sleepover, and Cody says that's part of it, but not all. Claudia says that when the wedding's over, she'll make more time for him, and is touched that he really doesn't want her to leave. She tells him she'll stay a few more minutes and they start making out. Yuck. You can just tell that he has bad breath.
Charlie, Kirsten and her parents are getting ready to go out for dinner. Daphne bursts in with Diana and says she needs a thermometer. Ellie says hello and reaches for Diana, but Daphne won't give her up. It seems she's in training for Charlie and Kirsten's eleven-day honeymoon, since she's never been on her own with Diana for more than a day. Daphne continues to act like she doesn't have two brain cells to rub together. Kirsten's parents look astonished, and Kirsten tries to hustle them out the door before it gets worse. Daphne continues on, making analogies about Roman astrologers and Chinese healers needing training too. Kirsten finally says the thermometer's in the bathroom, and Daphne takes off to get it. Gene makes a comment about Daphne and Charlie calls him on it. Gene says, "This is the home you've made for my daughter? An out-of-wedlock child with a woman I wouldn't trust with my houseplants?" Kirsten tells him to stop and he says, "You want me to lie? That's what your mother wants -- smile and pretend I'm happy?" and Kirsten shuts him down with, "Yeah. Let's try that." He stares at her, mouth agape.
Bailey and Sarah are looking at a beautiful church. Sarah seems upset and Bailey asks her what's wrong with this place, since they've looked at a thousand places that day. Sarah asks if he really thinks Charlie and Kirsten will want to get married at 8:00 AM. A priest approaches them and asks if they're ready and Bailey says they'll take it. It looks a lot like a Catholic church, and he looks a lot like a Catholic priest, and I'm wondering if they would let just anyone get married there, but maybe they have different rules in San Francisco. The priest asks if they are the lucky couple, and Bailey says it's for his brother and his fiancée. Sarah adds, "But someday, maybe, I hope..." and the priest leaves. Sarah asks Bailey if it's wrong to hope for someday and Bailey says she hopes but she doesn't know, does she? Sarah says no and Bailey says that he does know, and so it hurts, and then he leaves. Sarah stares after him. This would all be a lot more poignant if they weren't promoting Jennifer Love Hewitt's new show at every commercial break. I mean, she's obviously leaving soon, and Bailey's not. You do the math.
Sarah and Owen are sitting at the kitchen table, making little packages of sugar almonds for favors, apparently. Owen asks Sarah if she likes almonds, but he pronounces it AL-monds, instead of ALL-monds. Then they have a really inappropriate conversation about how Bailey is mad at Sarah for turning down his proposal, and I'm wondering why this is any of Owen's business, or if a kid of his age needs to know this information. Of course, I have no idea how old he is anymore, but I'm assuming he's still a kid. Ultimately, Sarah tells Owen that if someone loves her enough to ask her, she should love him enough to say yes. Owen, with the wisdom of the ages, says, "Who says?" and Sarah says, "I don't know" and then gets all thoughtful. Do you think she's going to leave the show? Because I'm not sure.
Claudia descends into Cody's dungeon, where he is playing guitar while some blond girl plays bass and dances around him. Then Cody's making out with blondie, yet is still able to play his guitar without missing a beat. What a talent. Claudia runs out without saying anything to him.
Charlie and Kirsten are kissing in their apartment when there's a knock at the door. It's Bailey, and Charlie forgot to tell Kirsten he was coming over. I've been trying not to comment on how thin Paula Devicq is, but it is really painful in this scene, as her pants are practically falling off and I think I saw her internal organs. Anyway, Bailey says he found a place for the reception, the Fairmont, but Kirsten worries that it's too formal, and can't believe that place was available anyway. Bailey says there wasn't much competition at 9 AM. Charlie also forgot to tell Kirsten that the wedding is now at 8 AM. Bailey says that they can't do any better at this point, if they want something special. Charlie says maybe they could make the backyard special. Kirsten says, "It's starting to feel like...like...like" and Charlie finishes, "It's not our wedding." They continue that they appreciate all Bailey has done, but a casual wedding might be more "them." Bailey says that instead of him trying to guess what they want, maybe they should just do it themselves and he hands over a gigantic binder. Maybe they could have come to this conclusion a little earlier? I'm just sayin'.
Julia is waiting outside the offices of Stilman Press as Evan exits. He tells her he doesn't have time to read her proposal, so she should just leave it in the slot. Julia says she's only on the first page, and she hasn't had much time with school and such. Evan suggests that maybe she try to get credit for the book, and Julia says, "But I still have other classes and extracurrics." "Extracurrics"? What is that about? I have never used, or heard anyone else use that word, ever. Evan says she should transfer to a writing program, and she says she can't transfer because it's already October. He tells her he is on the board at CFA, and he could probably get her a slot. Julia says, "College...of Fine...Arts?" and then proceeds to list off a number of writers who have gone there. Anyway, I'm not sure why any of this is his problem, and wish he would tell her either get in the proposal, or don't. Evan tries to get in his car and leave and she starts musing on how she would be throwing her whole life into writing by doing that, and asks him if she should. He says he just met her, and the book deal isn't even final yet, so he doesn't really know how to answer that. ["He doesn't add, 'I would think that, given that I have just met you, you might be a bit more grateful and a bit less whiny,' but it's okay because I said it to my TV for him." -- Wing Chun]
Bailey is bitching to Sarah about how Charlie and Kirsten acted like he thought it was his wedding, and she says, "It is." She goes on to tell him that's why he's been so uptight about it, because it should have been his wedding. Then, probably due to Owen's wisdom, she tells Bailey that it's her right to say "Not yet," and it's even her right to say, "No, not ever." Also, she's been soaking up his anger for four months because she loves him, even though he treats her like some kind of beast. I have two thoughts about this scene: one, it's been four months and they still don't have Charlie and Kirsten's wedding planned? And two, I really like the lamps in Bailey and Sarah's bedroom.
Daphne tells Kirsten that things went well with Diana, except she did eat a string of beads and then throw them up all over. Kirsten assures her she did fine, while her dad gives them the stink-eye. Charlie is reading a bridal magazine, and asks Kirsten if she wants to throw a garter, because the magazine says it's really not done anymore. Kirsten says she does want to do it, and Charlie asks Daphne if she has any spare garters. Daphne proceeds to list off ten different kinds of garters (paper?) until Kirsten cuts her off, clearly embarrassed in front of her judgmental dad, and Daphne leaves. Gene chortles and Kirsten says, "What's with the chortle, Dad? Do you have something to say?" Ellie says that he doesn't, and Kirsten says she was talking to her dad, and that he's not any better than Daphne, so he shouldn't judge her. Ellie tries to get Gene to be quiet so he doesn't upset Kirsten. Gene says that she's upsetting him. Ellie yells, "But you can handle it. She can't!" Oops. Kirsten says, "What?" and Ellie tries to smooth it over. I think in every scene, I should just insert the sentence, "Ellie tries to smooth it over." Kirsten says that if her mom thinks she can't handle an argument, she must think she really can't handle marriage to Charlie. Ellie tries to back out by saying, "Who cares what I think?" Kirsten says that she cares what they think, and if they can't support her, then she doesn't want to see them. They can come to the wedding, but she doesn't want to see them. What are they supposed to do, hide behind the bushes?
Cody catches up to Claudia at school and says he has some questions about the wedding. She tells him to shut up, and that she can't fire him but she doesn't want to hear his excuses, so he should call Charlie from here on out if he has any questions. He's confused, and she tells him she doesn't want to hear about "the dancing guitar with lips" or that he kissed another girl because Claudia won't have sex with him. Cody says, "You know about Paige? She's out of the band!" and then apologizes. Claudia says she doesn't care. Cody makes a huge tactical error by saying, "I'm used to having sex with the people I date," and that he tried to understand why Claudia wanted to wait, so can't she try to understand why he cheated? Claudia purses her lips, and I realize that nearly every scene in this show ends with a close-up on a Salinger making a face.
Julia and Griffin are drinking beers outside Griffin's shed -- and how sad is it, really, that Griffin lives in a shed? Julia is debating whether to continue her degree at Stanford, or to enter the writing program as Evan suggested. She's worried about the writing program, because it would mean putting all her eggs in one basket, and what if it doesn't work out? She compares it to what Charlie and Kirsten are doing. Griffin says that you can get out of marriage later -- just like Julia did. Julia says that was a terrible experience, and she doesn't want to go through anything like that again. Griffin suggests that she take it slow, like he is doing in rebuilding his business, because he's learned that there's always time.
Bailey is closing up the restaurant (which they own, and could have the wedding and reception in, one would think) when Charlie walks in. He gives Bailey the rings, since he's still best man and all. Charlie tells Bailey that the wedding is going to be at home, and he hopes Bailey's okay with that because it matters to him what Bailey thinks. Bailey tells Charlie what Sarah said about Bailey feeling like it was his own wedding, but Bailey thinks it's more than that. Since their parents died, they've been a family that pulled together, but now that's over because Charlie is getting married and leaving them to start his own family. So, this wedding can't be casual because it's not just a wedding -- it's the siblings' way of letting Charlie go. Scott Wolf did a good job with some poorly written dialogue here -- he was forced to say "thing" like twenty times.
Claudia and Julia are helping Kirsten get ready for her wedding. They discuss how they don't really know where the wedding is going to be -- Bailey said something to Charlie that caused him to move everything at the last minute. Kirsten runs downstairs to get some film and Charlie's there. She starts freaking out because it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Charlie explains that he had to stop by and pick up corkscrews and other bar stuff which he couldn't have possibly borrowed from the restaurant THAT THEY OWN! Anyway, Charlie says there's no bad luck for them anymore because everything that's happened brought them to this place.
Bailey and Sarah are getting dressed for the wedding and Sarah is struggling over her zipper. She starts to ask Bailey for help, but then tells him to forget it. He ends up helping her, but the zipper is stuck on her bra and he's trying to undo it. She remarks that "it's been a while, huh?" in a very sad voice. Meanwhile, they look at themselves together in the mirror, and Sarah holds her stomach like she's going to throw up. Bailey agrees that it has been a long time, but he thought she wasn't in the mood, and Sarah says she thought he wasn't in the mood. He starts kissing her and unzips her miraculously unstuck zipper.
Claudia, Julia and Kirsten are all in the front seat of Julia's big old car, looking for the wedding spot. They find it and get out of the car in a hurry because they are running late. Claudia worries that they might have missed the wedding, which is impossible since they can't quite have the wedding without Kirsten. They see that the wedding is set up on a beach and they all ooh and aah over it. Charlie comes up to them and says that their dad knew the lifeguards, so that's how he got the spot. I don't care how casual this wedding is, he could have shaved. Or they could have made some reference to how he shaved the last time he and Kirsten were supposed to get married, and that didn't work out well, so he decided to skip it this time. Charlie asks where Bailey is. Julia says he and Sarah were "getting ready" when actually they were "getting busy."
Everyone is ready to go, and waiting for Bailey to arrive. He and Sarah arrive with Owen in tow and run down to the beach. Poor Owen. What was he doing while Bailey and Sarah were having sex? Anyway, Bailey takes his place and Charlie tells him his tie is crooked, and that he better have the rings. He does. Cody's band starts the processional as Kirsten comes down the aisle. Daphne is sitting there -- wouldn't that be kind of weird, to watch the father of your child marry another woman? They fast-forward to the vows, and they are declared man and wife and kiss. Suddenly the guitar starts blaring and Charlie raises his arm up in the air to give someone the high sign -- it's the dove guy, who releases the birds. This shot must not have worked out for them, because they switch to a very fake-looking shot of doves flying away, taken from the Prince video, I think. Everyone hugs one another and the recessional begins.
At the reception, they pull a Beverly Hills and try to make us believe that Paula Devicq eats once in a while, because she tells Joe she's stuffed from eating so much food. Whatever, Skeletor. ["Plus, at my wedding reception, I spent so much time talking to everyone who'd come whom I hadn't seen in ages that I didn't eat one thing, including the cake. And I am no Skeletor. I'm just sayin'." -- Wing Chun] Claudia tells Kirsten someone wants to talk to her. It's her mother. She tells Kirsten that she tried to stay out of her line of sight, which is kind of sad, and that she tried to be happy. Ellie goes on to say that Kirsten needs to understand that her mom has seen her sick more than well these last few years, and she just wants to see Kirsten happy. Kirsten says she is happy, and they hug.
Owen dances with Diana. Julia and Griffin are dancing to a song by Third Eye Blind and she tells him that she has decided to transfer to CFA and move back into the Salinger house. Griffin asks how she made this decision, and she says she figured writing means being alone so she went off by herself and thought, and listened to her "inner Julia." Yes, she really said that. Anyway, her "inner Julia" told her, "Get real! It's a book. How often does that happen?" I kind of like the inner Julia better than the regular one, I think. Griffin says the inner Julia sounds pretty sure of herself and Julia says she is, and she wishes the inner Julia was around more often. Griffin mumbles something unintelligible and they both crack up -- I think it was something to the effect of, "Where the hell was 'Inner Julia' last season?"
Cody asks Claudia to dance to "All-Star" by Smashmouth. Ooh, how romantic. Claudia gives a big speech that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it boils down to the fact that she's younger than him, and they're not in the same place, so he'll have to "dance" with someone else.
Bailey and Sarah are slow dancing to "All-Star." Their label must have a deal with the show, because I really can't think of a worse song for this scene. Anyway, Bailey is asking Sarah where she learned the new move with the knee, and she says there's no move. He decides he must be oversensitive. Then he tells her there's a great view of the cove behind the tent, and she says he should show it to her, and he says he loves weddings. Have I mentioned I'm glad she's leaving? I really don't like them as a couple anymore.
Charlie makes a toast. For the sake of sentimentality, I transcribe it here: "I don't know if they're listening, because we've changed the location many, many, many times, but I hope Mom and Dad are out there. I want them to know a few things. A lot of you worried when they left, that maybe things wouldn't turn out all right, that maybe we'd learn the wrong lessons from losing them, that we'd be so scared of losing again that we'd never attach ourselves to anything again, including each other. I can't speak for all of us here, but I know what I learned. When something is important to you, you grab on with both hands and you don't even think about letting go. Letting go is not even an option." He thanks his parents for teaching him the secret to life...never let go. All the Salingers look at one another and smile. I was starting to like Charlie for a minute, until he yells out, "Back to the dancing and festivity!" "Festivity"?
The whole family comes out to see Charlie and Kirsten off on their honeymoon. The happy couple gets in a truck and takes off as everyone waves goodbye.