All right, kids. If you're still watching City of Angels, you are part of an elite, but probably misguided club that waits to see if the show will crash and burn (as it does this week) or if it somehow manages to rise above its derivative-of-ER state. Either way, let's keep watching those ratings; cancellation season is right around the corner.
Shout-outs to my homies (all three of them) in the CofA forums. We tight, yo. And watch for Heather's Making the Band recaps. They're comin' at you soon like a diamond in a crapstorm.
Previously on City: Dr. Weiss and Nurse Patterson were hashing out their romance after she revealed that her father doesn't like her dating white boys. Her father later confirmed it at an awkward dinner with the Weiss-ster. Ron Harris (the sneaky, prostitute-hiring administrator) got into constant fights with Dr. Lilian Price about her lack of administrative experience. Price and Dr. (Blair Underwood) Turner got it on in broom closets, elevators, couches and everywhere but the CAT scan machine. A very, very old doctor who looks like Col. Sanders ["but who is actually Mr. Shorofsky from Fame" -- Wing Chun] got up during a hospital assembly, then sat on a muffin. Don't ask me what it meant. I must have missed that episode.
This week, we begin with a disclaimer that says we'll be seeing some brief nudity in this episode. Blair Underwood fans: Start your engines.
The episode begins with Dr. Turner driving down the streets of L.A. listening to some talk radio. He pushes some buttons on a car stereo that looks more complicated than my home computer. Turner switches stations to some shout-and-response hip hop. While he's flipping, he looks up to see that he's running a yellow light right in front of a police cruiser. The cruiser immediately follows. Turner pulls over, looks at his watch, and leans back, with angry resignation. Two officers, one black and one white, approach his car. As Turner explains that he didn't see the red light, the white officer ["Hey! It's Gil Myers, that teacher on whom Ohndrea totally had a crush on !" -- Wing Chun] menacingly puts his hand on the butt of his gun. You just know a scene's gonna follow on White Man Holdin' The Chief of Surgery Down Theater. Turner tells the officer that his ID is in his jacket: "Mind if I reach for it?" The officer just nods. Turner can't find the wallet and says it must be in his bag. The officer tells Turner to pass the bag to him. Turner introduces himself as a surgeon (so that he can operate on them on the street?), because police officers are supposed to be trained to believe everything someone with no ID, insurance or registration says to them. Turner says there's nothing in his bag. The officer tells him that if he reaches into the bag, he will find a gun pressed against his head. Sounds fair enough. Turner, who is wearing a brown leather jacket and a Kangol hat, offers to get searched on the hood. He grabs his bag and exits the car. Looking in the bag, Turner still can't find his wallet and says, "I must have left it in my locker at the hospital." Drug dealers, hookers and politicians passing by are demanding that he be searched since even they don't believe his story. Turner whines that he just worked thirty-six hours straight. The not-white officer says he found Turner's car to be registered to a Davenport Corporation. Turner says that's the leasing company.
Assume the Position
Suddenly the white officer violently throws Turner against the hood. Turner protests while the officer gets increasingly violent by spreading his legs and shoving him. "I'm curious, Leroy," the officer says. "What is the learning curve with you?" Blair Underwood, the actor, remembers that his character is named "Ben" and that that must therefore be a racist remark. He gets mad. He demands the officer's name and badge number. Racist Cop instead twists Turner's arm behind him and throws him to the ground while Turner screams and screams. The black cop gets out of Turner's car and starts to look concerned. The white cop, who now has his knee in Turner's back as he holds Turner face-down on the ground, tells him his name is Eugene Elliott, badge number 155. He tells his colleague "Scotty" to watch after Turner while he checks out Turner's "fresh new ride" for drugs. Turner looks at Scotty and gets all self-righteous: "Man, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." Scotty, who sounds a little unsure of himself, looks to the staff writers for a snappy comeback and this is what they come up with: "You ought to shut up." Fade to black and white on Turner, lying face-down on the pavement. My hands take a break from typing this paragraph as we go into the City of Angels holy gospel theme song (one of these days I'll transcribe the lyrics, but that would involve watching the credits several times and, well, let me get over these other nightmares first).
Somebody's using that stupid "Mambo #5" song for a long-distance service commercial ["starring Once and Again's Sela Ward" -- Wing Chun]. It was only a matter of time.
We come back Angels of Mercy hospital then inside where Dr. Price is walking like she's competing in the hospital administrator decathlon. She's wearing a long black coat and holding a slip of paper. She ducks into the locker room (motto: "Where we chill before prescribing your pill") and finds a buck naked and quite buff Dr. Wesley Williams. Forget everything I've said about this man. He may act like a wuss, but he has the body of a small, but very relevant deity. Williams, who is holding a towel, looks shiny and oily, not as if he just showered but as if he was self-basting. It just occurred to me that this is the brief nudity referred to in the opening: sorry, ladies. No naked Blair this week. Price asks where Turner's locker is while Williams just looks mortified and starts to stutter even though I'm sure he's always telling patients to put on little gowns where their asses hang out. Price, who doesn't even seem to notice that she is standing near a nearly naked, oily man, gets into Turner's locker presumably to fetch his things and look for any "I (heart) Dr. Price" scribbling he may have posted. Instead of putting on some clothes or strategically walking behind a stall, Williams just keeps watching Price, as if to say, "Hey! I hired a personal trainer just for this scene and if I want our entire viewing audience (four people and falling) to see it, well, they're just going to have to post a viewer-discretion warning before the show!" Price finally turns and seems to notice. She looks sideways at a wall mirror and she sees (as do we) Williams's bare, bare, bare ass. It's just hangin' out there. Yep. Naked butt. "Nice buns, doctor," she says very seriously, then walks out. Williams, looking very dazed, wanders to his own locker and we see a second, less gratuitous shot of his heinie. We salute Hill Harper, the actor who plays Williams, for this brave, dramatic acting choice.
“ Cut to the police station where a tarty prostitute is being led away by someone who looks like Chris Rock. 'Rock this, ya ho!' he seems to say. ”
Cut to the ER, where a seventeen-year-old girl is brought in with a gunshot wound. She looks just like one of those insufferable twins from the Old Navy ads who, with her sister, has starred in maybe fourteen twin-based sitcoms of their own with names like Double Trouble or Just the Two of Us or Wrigley Doublemint Presents.... You get the idea. Somebody had enough of her crap and decided to shoot her. She moans and screams while Weiss and Patterson take the helm on her treatment. They transfer her to a bed, while the cops accuse her of walking out of a convenience store with a stolen forty-ounce beverage and getting shot by the store owner. The girl threatens to shoot the store owner or at least put her in a really ugly orange Old Navy vest. Weiss continues to try to treat her while she flails and thrashes. Weiss, who looks more and more like King Ad Rock every day, tells her that if she doesn't settle down, he'll send her to surgery where she'll be laid up for a week instead of one day. She settles. Patterson, who's been giving Weiss the cold shoulder lately, looks impressed. Weiss tells the cops that no surgery will be necessary. Patterson turns to leave and tells Weiss she's going to meet her father. "Say hello to him for me if he'll hear it," he says, and she looks simultaneously annoyed and amused. The cops say that there are more shootings at the convenience store, so they'll be back. Weiss turns to his patient. "Whatchoo lookin' at?" she asks. Weiss is caught having deep fantasies about purchasing large quantities of cheap cargo pants.
In the waiting room, Papa Patterson is sitting to a wheezing, coughing homeless man. Nurse Patterson comes in to meet him (her dad, not the wheezy guy). She gives her dad a small peck and the homeless man says, "Hey, nurse! Bums need kissin' too!" "Find one without a cough and we'll talk," she answers. Papa Patterson is there for a work physical. He asks about the doctor he's supposed to be seeing: "He is a white man, correct, Grace?" Papa Patterson (who happens to be black) asks. Grace Patterson, who has heard all this before, says she lined it up just like he asked. He goes on about how it's his right to have a doctor with whom he's comfortable. Grace gets visibly frustrated, but puts up with it.
Cut to the police station where a tarty prostitute is being led away by someone who looks like Chris Rock. "Rock this, ya ho!" he seems to say. Price, who is waiting on a bench, gets up when they let Ben Turner out of the holding cell. "Thanks for coming," he says glumly. She asks why his shirt is all dirty. Turner, who looks exhausted, acts like he doesn't want to talk about it. "They rubbed dirt on you?" she asks. "In a fashion," he responds. Price asks if Turner got beat up. He says he just wants to go. Price asks for the names of the officers. Turner says he hasn't gotten much sleep, he's due back at the hospital, and he just wants to leave. Price gets all indignant like she always does and walks off, looking to pick a fight. She finds a desk sergeant who looks like one of the Chicago Bears Superfans from Saturday Night Live. Price asks for his commanding officer. The sergeant says the CO isn't in, but she can leave a message. Price says he can expect a call from Ed O' Malley -- the chairman of the county board of supervisors -- about police brutality. The sergeant sarcastically says they'll be waiting by the phone. Turner pulls Price away because he just wants some sleep. "Officer Harvell," she says, pointing to the sergeant, "I got your name." For what? Her fan website's e-mail list?
Outside at the impound, Price gets mad because Turner won't do anything about the injustice of his situation. Turner says he's practicing "self-control" which is a Zen method for avoiding doing anything. They both start yelling about how mad they both are, but that they have different methods for dealing. Turner wisely says he doesn't want to yell at a brick wall. Price, who has had a brick wall specifically built for the purpose of yelling at, doesn't see it that way. She says she wants to call Ed O' Malley. Turner stops her, points at her nose, and says, "Don't." She continues to goad him until he snaps. Turner says he'll take action, if he wants, on his own terms. "You don't own me just 'cause we're back in the sack." Ouch. Price's eyes bug out as if somebody squeezed her too hard. Her eyebrows twitch a little, too. "You've had a long morning. I'll let that slide for now," she says. They approach Turner's slick ride, which has been gutted from the inside. "Still don't want me to call Ed O' Malley?" Price says in her most annoying, shrill voice. "Stay out of it," Turner warns her as we fade to black and white on Price's pouty face.
Apparently ad revenues for City of Angels are so bad that the good folks at Podiacin managed to get their low-budget foot cream commercial into primetime network television. Way to go, Podiacin!
Back from commercials where an excited Ed O'Malley rushes in to super-suave sneaky man Ron Harris' office with a photographer. He gets Harris up for a photo op. Harris, who for the life of him looks like a slightly taller Mickey Rooney, gushes that he's holding a press conference to announce a $20 million allocation for the hospital. Harris smiles as if he's just picked up a hooker (oh wait, that was last week's episode) and says, "That's wonderful!" O'Malley says it was because of an accounting error (wink, wink) and that the only string attached is that they spend it wisely. Harris thinks about his little black book (it's too funny not to repeat: It's called Ho's I Knows) just as Price walks in looking positively dowdy in her white doctor's gown. I miss those power suits, Vivica. You should talk to Wardrobe. The photographer comes in and takes a shot of the three of them while O'Malley tells Price that he received her call about Turner's police run-in (naughty, naughty, Price) and made a phone call to take care of things. Ed O'Malley is the Tony Soprano of Angels of Mercy hospital. Price asks what this is all about; Harris just smiles sneakily and says, "Walk with me."
Now they're walking. Wow, this teleplay just connects the dots for us. Price rattles off a list of things the hospital needs, like more beds and more clergy (how about a clergy bed? You push a button and it prays for you!). Harris tells Price to call an advisory meeting that afternoon. She's interrupted by Price's pager. Harris and Price both have a nice moment together before Lilian walks off. It won't last.