Megyn gave this episode a grade of
C
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B
Major props to all the posters who faced the pain of the second half of this season with me. You all rock. Also, a non-shout not-out to the person who infected me with the cold that is currently having it's way with me. I don't know who you are, but beware: I will find you! Every time I sneeze and/or feel panic in the night because I can't breathe, I think of you. Oh, yes. I will find you. No matter what it costs!
Last week on Oz, we all waited for this finale, hoping it would somehow draw the season to its close with remnants of the prior seasons, or at least show us some similarity in writing/plot/believability. Dear Mr. Fontana -- ludicrous plots do not equal original programming.
We open up to Hill in a rotating pod. Most of what we say is trash. Clearly, this man has never had a conversation with the IT guy at my agency. Man, is he something else. I could listen to him for days! Days, I tell you!!
Opening scene. Hill rolls himself over to Burr "Farewell To Charms" Redding's pod, where Poet guards the door in all his lyrical bad-assedness. Hill asks to see Redding. Poet: "He's busy." Hill says he'll wait, but Poet clarifies that Redding is always busy. Too busy for the likes of Hill. Hill looks disappointed, but it may just be that in memorizing the script for the finale, he lost all hope for this show. Much like I have.
The gym. We see the speed bag being worked. A hand appears and stops it. The hand belongs to Enrique "I'll Have Two Plots, Hold The Intelligence" Morales. Pull back to reveal Supreme "Plot In A Can" Allah in a white tank top, looking like he was just getting warmed up. Morales to Allah: "You're not having much luck getting the brothers to turn against Redding." Chucky "Duh, Yah! Which Way Did He Go? Which Way Did He -- Hey, Wait A Minute! Dis Ain't Albuquerque!" Pancamo chimes in with some meathead encouragement for Allah being in trouble. Supreme insists that Redding is going to die. And soon. He walks away, giving the bag a good punch, which shows me that he's a real man, for sure.
Murphy leaning into the mike. Instead of breaking into karaoke, he calls for shakedown. Cue the groans of all the inmates who have no drugs on their persons, while the ones who do start sweating. We see a guard produce a tit from Hill's pod and show it to him. Hill looks incredulous. "That ain't mine!" he insists. The guard says, "Bullshit!" making Hill yell to Murphy that it is not his. Murphy, up late the night before having sweet, sweet love relations with his right hand, irritably says that it's not his either, so Hill is guilty as charged. Cut to Hill telling Sister Pete that he's clean, and has been for three years. Reminding her that she knows him. Pete turns to Tim "I Do The Jitterbug -- Snap Snap -- I Do The Jitterbug" McManus and says, "He's not using, Tim, I'd stake my reputation on it." Slim Tim says Hill must be selling then. See, he believes in a guy like Omar, but Hill gets the book thrown at him. Lucky for Hill, Tim only has pop-up books, which are pretty lightweight as far as chucking goes. Hill tells McCheese that someone must have planted them. Tim asks if Omar's doing the drugs. Hill says, "No." McSuckass concludes he's protecting someone and says he's sending Hill back to Oz, with no punishment, so the inmates think he's a squealer. Fuck! I HATE him! He makes a charity case out of Omar "Good Pill Hunting" White, but punishes Hill for being framed. I realize it's only Hill's word, but come on! Friggin' White is loopier than the roller coaster at the New York, New York hotel in Vegas. And he's a shitty actor. Off with his head! Give it to me and I will personally stuff it with cabbage and feed it to man-eating pigs while doing a little jig and pounding vodka shots with my ladies-in-waiting. Hill asks to be put in the hole, because he knows that is the correct punishment he should receivenot wanting to be "let off" on a drug charge, to be judged by the Em City "jury." Have I mentioned that I hate McManus with the burning heat of liquid hot magma? Hill is one of the well-behaved inmates, and Tim purposely puts his life in danger because he's in a bad mood after waking up on the wrong side of the closet.
Lunchroom of mystery meat and Jell-O with carrot shavings. Hill eats all alone as Redding John-Shafts by with his crew. Hill looks up, but goes back to eating until Supreme walks up with a "See what I'm saying? Redding's the one who put those drugs in your cell." Hill glares, "Maybe you arranged that." He doesn't know who to trust, but Supreme counters with the statement that none of it mattersRedding doesn't trust Hill, so the only thing left to do is waste Redding so Hill doesn't get the red-shirt duty that week. Might as well. We're already five and a half minutes into the show, and no one has died yet. Or shown a penis, for that matter. Have I mentioned that I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE? That my head is about to explode? No? Well, it is. Also, is it bad to drink? A lot? While on antibiotics? Please advise. I can't feel my legs. Heh. Just kidding. Save your emails. Hill watches Supreme leave. Cut to Hill's pod, later. A guy whose name I don't know, we'll call him "Stew," enters, and Hill asks if he's still on "bedpan duty". Yes, Stew still does the pans. Hill holds out a bill and says, "I need some medical records." His thumb covers the denomination of said bill. I notice, because I am looking for it. I'd like to know what they're exchanging. Maybe five bucks is a whole helluva lot. Or maybe it has to be a fifty or a hundred in order to hire someone to do a deed for you. we see Hill wheeling himself into the laundry room awash in Kermit green. Poet is there, doing his whites. Hill greets him. Poet snipes, "Don't be talkin' to me, snitch." Hill insists that he's trying to save Redding's life. Poet's all, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Hill tells Poet that he remembers, back in the day, that Supreme is wicked allergic to eggs. Poet picks right up on the groove and says, "Yeah, we be preppin' his meals 'cause we gotta fix his shit real special." Hill: "Not today."
Lunchtime. Or is it dinner? Anyway, Ryan has a tin with what looks like soy burgers -- you know the ones, they served them during school lunch? At least in my school they did. He serves Allah and tells him to "eat hearty," which, if I were in Oz, would have tipped my ass off to not eat at all. Sup goes to sit with Hill and observes that Redding isn't dead yet. Hill defends himself with, "I gotta get close to him, don't I?" Sup keeps chowing on his Iocane powder egg burger. As he chews, he looks as though he tastes something strange. Because, on some level, he knows that the burger is deadly, or maybe it just tastes weird. Cue the close-up of Allah's mouth as he chews another bite of the plot-burger. He chews, then pushes his tray away, looking as though something has suddenly caused him to feelnot so fresh. Hill: "Something wrong?" Supreme doesn't answer but spits what he hasn't swallowed onto his tray. Then he grabs his throat. We see the Muslims noticing and having facial reactions but not rising to aid him in anyway. As Supreme chokes, we see Hill reacting and saying, "Oh shit!" which is, I guess, his shock at what he's done, rather than shock at Supreme suffering, since he knew he'd die from consuming eggs. In the fake world, that is. I mean, some children have allergies to this stuff and a Type One reaction is almost immediate, but I highly doubt this scenario. I'm no allergy specialist, though. As we get the shot of Allah's face, we see that it is instantly swollen and blowing up while he gasps out, "Youfucking" and falls to the floor. It's just so very Total Recall when Arnold is trying to get through customs as a woman. Remember? And he swells and blows up as he changes back into himself? Anyone? Is this thing on? (Tap, tap.) Supreme blows grape-nut chunks as we watch him die on the floor. Various inmates look either shocked or disgusted, including Poet in his shower cap. A hack FINALLY tries to help him, but he's too far gone. We see Redding's reaction, which is the same reaction he has to everything from relieving his bladder to selling drugs.
Common area. We see Hill's hand, in his fingerless gloves circa 1985, playing solitaire. Because he has no friends. Get it? Redding ambles up: "Poet told me what you done." (Cough sic cough cough.) Redding welcomes Hill "back into the fold," but Hill declines. He doesn't want to sell drugs. Redding says he "respects that." Hill goes on to say even though Supreme was responsible for his being confined to his wheelchair, and for wanting to kill Redding, his surrogate dad, he still doesn't feel warm and fuzzy for killing the man. I know I don't feel good about it because, based on the character profile, Hill wouldn't have done it. We've been led to believe that Hill is this deeply philosophical person with high moral fiber. Then he kills Supreme Allah? Doesn't fit. I could see him doing what he could to prevent Burr from being killed, but not actually doing the deed himself. It just doesn't fit. Oh, recapright. Burr tells Hill he "raised him right" since he feels bad. Even though their falling out had to do with Hill caring about his actions towards others and Burr needing him to not care. Stupid, itchy continuity. Swish on over to Burr and Clink's pod. Clink tells Burr his daughter is coming to visit him. She apparently has "something to tell [him]." Burr basically tells him to make it snappy, 'cause he has a "task" for him to do. Namely, wax Morales. He tells him to "air hole" him. Eh? That doesn't mean anything! I'm sure of it! Clink asks, "What about Pancamo?" Burr says his time will come, as we see the boys in question sashay past the pod.
Visiting room. Yet another couple is making out. Uh, correct me if I'm wacko but -- don't they NOT allow that in prison visiting rooms? One half of the couple is an Aryan. Not that it matters anyway. I'm just free-typing on meds here. Clink arrives to see his daughter, who looks like a little army brat grown into a fine young army brat with breasts. They greet each other. He looks hopeful and defensive. Clink: "So, what did you want to tell me?" "Geez dad, no 'hello,' no 'how's your mom'?" She tell him to stop looking so grim. She's getting married. He asks if it's to Max. She says yes. He thinks it's wonderful news. How relevant is this scene to the episode? Nil. But I'm supposed to do this so as to set the scene for laterwhere more nothing occurs, otherwise y'all will be wicked lost, yo. So, since he won't be there to walk her down the aisle, she wants her step-dad to do it. Clink gets mad. She wants his blessing. He tells her to "do whatever the fuck [she] want[s]." He leaves. Pointless scene? Yes, I know. But it's going to happen more, so cool your heels and buckle up. I'm driving this short bus.