Straight Life

Wangler comes into the visiting area and greets what are apparently his girlfriend and young child. Wow. I've seen a lot of inmates who really shouldn't have children, but Wangler may lead the list of Worst Potential Fathers. That's partially because you could add his emotional age and the age he appears to be physically and still end up south of eighteen. Hill talks about floods as Wangler removes a mini-baggie from his child's diaper and pops it into his mouth. Dude, making your kid a runner before he's even old enough to walk is fucked up even for you, jerkoff. Wangler passes the strip search, and then attempts to pass something else in his pod as Adebisi and Markstram wait impatiently. Wangler pulls out the far-too-clean baggie all, "Ta-daa!" It's a good thing Wangler didn't have any trouble there. I'd hate to see a jonesing Adebisi offer to help extract the troublesome material. Hill's still talking about people's homes in the Midwest getting washed away. I'm not sure I'm getting his point, but if it's that these monologues are only bearable in an altered state, he's preaching to the choir, as the painkillers I'm on from my appendectomy are making this speech all good, yo. There's a hilarious CrackCam shot of Adebisi, Wangler, and Markstram looking nice and high. Adebisi laughs all creepy Cooper-in-the-Black-Lodge-style. McManus enters and yells at them, proving that he can harsh even the strongest of buzzes. The man could have turned Woodstock into a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert.

McManus pedebitches to Diane about the lax job the hacks are doing in Em City. You really know how to sweet-talk a girl, Timbo. He whines, "The whole concept behind Emerald City is that we never take our eyes off anyone." I thought the whole concept was for a loser dickhead to try to find some meaning in his pathetic pointless life by playing God with a bunch of people who have no choice in the matter, but maybe I've been recapping a different show. Diane says they are vigilant, but McManus points out Beecher's sw-ass-tika, Alvarez's self-Etch-A-Sketch, and the classroom Hoovering we saw earlier as evidence that the hacks perhaps need to remove their thumbs from their asses. Diane opines that in life, "shit slides through," although that apparently doesn't apply to Wangler. She goes on that if he has a problem with the way she runs things, he should replace her. No, Diane, no! I'm not ready for Officer Claire yet! McManus says he won't do that, as we get a flashback to The Scene That Must Not Be Named. Diane: "Why? 'Cause we're fucking each other?" Pardon me while I pop out and get my painkiller prescription refilled. Does whiskey go well with codeine? Well, there's only one way to find out.

McManus and Diane enter the staff meeting, where the topic is "drugs." The prevailing sentiment is that they're losing the war, like, no shit (Wangler!), and the consensus advanced is that shutting down the biggest operation, which belongs to Schibetta, would be a breakthrough. Healy gets the Hypocritical Hack award by complaining that the more they try to stop the drugs, the more they get in. Healy, I thought you'd have a clear handle on the definition of the word "stop," given that it's a traffic signal and all. Get it? "Traffic"? Because he's selling drugs? Jeez, cut a wounded recapper a break, people! Burruano opines that the inmates are experts at "movin' shit through any system," and what is with all the setups here? I really don't need to be thinking so much about Wangler's digestive system, especially considering the current state of my own. Glynn notes that McManus wanted Schibetta in Em City, as he said he could "reach" him. McManus whines, "I will, in time." Dude, given enough time, mankind might find a cure for incompetence, God complexes, and general toolishness, but Glynn's point is that you have to do something about your problems now, you insufferable pantywaist. McManus smugly suggests that they ask Said to help contain the drug problem, and I don't know why he's looking so pleased with the idea when it wasn't his in the first place, like, remember when you got all pissed off at Glynn for coming up with it two episodes ago, Timbo? Of course you don't. If I put the whiskey into an IV drip, do you think that'll be enough to dull my hatred of this ass-faced jerkweed? No, I don't either.

McManus asks Said for his help. Said's all, do your own fucking job and find another patsy to end up with his throat cut, you ineffective bucket of horse piss. He says it more sagely and calmly than that, but the meaning was perfectly clear. He goes on that he's trying to combat the addiction. This prompts Pete, who was out of the frame until now, to say that she's trying to do the same thing with her counseling sessions. Said's not particularly impressed, and is shown out. McManus postures about fucking with Schibetta's head. Whatever.

McManus pedeconferences with Schibetta. He tells the capo that he's had a tough couple of weeks, and that he's losing influence. "The days of the Mafia are over." Schibetta: "Che cosa 'Mafia'?" This dialogue is sparkling like three-day-old Zima. And it tastes about as good, too. McManus tells him that he might want to consider making a deal with the D.A. Sure, Tim, a little speech from you is going to be enough to get the Sicilians to start ratting on each other. Hey, when you're done here, why don't you try preaching a message of racial equality to Schillinger -- I think you've still got some time before lunch. Schibetta: "You are a fool, McManus. You can try for the thousand years not to be a fool, but you'll always be one." That Zima turned into a Stoli and tonic awfully fast. Schibetta's point is that he's not going to change. So snarking on McManus was just a fringe benefit? Cool! I love this job!