Wangler comes into the visiting area and greets what are apparently his girlfriend and young child. Wow. I've seen a lot of inmates who really shouldn't have children, but Wangler may lead the list of Worst Potential Fathers. That's partially because you could add his emotional age and the age he appears to be physically and still end up south of eighteen. Hill talks about floods as Wangler removes a mini-baggie from his child's diaper and pops it into his mouth. Dude, making your kid a runner before he's even old enough to walk is fucked up even for you, jerkoff. Wangler passes the strip search, and then attempts to pass something else in his pod as Adebisi and Markstram wait impatiently. Wangler pulls out the far-too-clean baggie all, "Ta-daa!" It's a good thing Wangler didn't have any trouble there. I'd hate to see a jonesing Adebisi offer to help extract the troublesome material. Hill's still talking about people's homes in the Midwest getting washed away. I'm not sure I'm getting his point, but if it's that these monologues are only bearable in an altered state, he's preaching to the choir, as the painkillers I'm on from my appendectomy are making this speech all good, yo. There's a hilarious CrackCam shot of Adebisi, Wangler, and Markstram looking nice and high. Adebisi laughs all creepy Cooper-in-the-Black-Lodge-style. McManus enters and yells at them, proving that he can harsh even the strongest of buzzes. The man could have turned Woodstock into a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert.
McManus pedebitches to Diane about the lax job the hacks are doing in Em City. You really know how to sweet-talk a girl, Timbo. He whines, "The whole concept behind Emerald City is that we never take our eyes off anyone." I thought the whole concept was for a loser dickhead to try to find some meaning in his pathetic pointless life by playing God with a bunch of people who have no choice in the matter, but maybe I've been recapping a different show. Diane says they are vigilant, but McManus points out Beecher's sw-ass-tika, Alvarez's self-Etch-A-Sketch, and the classroom Hoovering we saw earlier as evidence that the hacks perhaps need to remove their thumbs from their asses. Diane opines that in life, "shit slides through," although that apparently doesn't apply to Wangler. She goes on that if he has a problem with the way she runs things, he should replace her. No, Diane, no! I'm not ready for Officer Claire yet! McManus says he won't do that, as we get a flashback to The Scene That Must Not Be Named. Diane: "Why? 'Cause we're fucking each other?" Pardon me while I pop out and get my painkiller prescription refilled. Does whiskey go well with codeine? Well, there's only one way to find out.
McManus and Diane enter the staff meeting, where the topic is "drugs." The prevailing sentiment is that they're losing the war, like, no shit (Wangler!), and the consensus advanced is that shutting down the biggest operation, which belongs to Schibetta, would be a breakthrough. Healy gets the Hypocritical Hack award by complaining that the more they try to stop the drugs, the more they get in. Healy, I thought you'd have a clear handle on the definition of the word "stop," given that it's a traffic signal and all. Get it? "Traffic"? Because he's selling drugs? Jeez, cut a wounded recapper a break, people! Burruano opines that the inmates are experts at "movin' shit through any system," and what is with all the setups here? I really don't need to be thinking so much about Wangler's digestive system, especially considering the current state of my own. Glynn notes that McManus wanted Schibetta in Em City, as he said he could "reach" him. McManus whines, "I will, in time." Dude, given enough time, mankind might find a cure for incompetence, God complexes, and general toolishness, but Glynn's point is that you have to do something about your problems now, you insufferable pantywaist. McManus smugly suggests that they ask Said to help contain the drug problem, and I don't know why he's looking so pleased with the idea when it wasn't his in the first place, like, remember when you got all pissed off at Glynn for coming up with it two episodes ago, Timbo? Of course you don't. If I put the whiskey into an IV drip, do you think that'll be enough to dull my hatred of this ass-faced jerkweed? No, I don't either.
McManus asks Said for his help. Said's all, do your own fucking job and find another patsy to end up with his throat cut, you ineffective bucket of horse piss. He says it more sagely and calmly than that, but the meaning was perfectly clear. He goes on that he's trying to combat the addiction. This prompts Pete, who was out of the frame until now, to say that she's trying to do the same thing with her counseling sessions. Said's not particularly impressed, and is shown out. McManus postures about fucking with Schibetta's head. Whatever.
McManus pedeconferences with Schibetta. He tells the capo that he's had a tough couple of weeks, and that he's losing influence. "The days of the Mafia are over." Schibetta: "Che cosa 'Mafia'?" This dialogue is sparkling like three-day-old Zima. And it tastes about as good, too. McManus tells him that he might want to consider making a deal with the D.A. Sure, Tim, a little speech from you is going to be enough to get the Sicilians to start ratting on each other. Hey, when you're done here, why don't you try preaching a message of racial equality to Schillinger -- I think you've still got some time before lunch. Schibetta: "You are a fool, McManus. You can try for the thousand years not to be a fool, but you'll always be one." That Zima turned into a Stoli and tonic awfully fast. Schibetta's point is that he's not going to change. So snarking on McManus was just a fringe benefit? Cool! I love this job!
Diane announces that a number of inmates are going to be transferred out of Em City immediately. The people moved are all members of Schibetta's gang. Not a big surprise, considering how Timbo took Ortolani giving him almost exactly the same speech in "The Routine." Once all his cronies are gone, Schibetta looks around warily, and a lot of inmates regard him amusedly. He looks up, and sees McManus grinning at him. Yeah, because a Sicilian don couldn't find a creative way to wipe that smirk off your face. Try to keep grinning when your small intestine is being force-fed to you, dickwad.
Schibetta walks into the kitchen and confers with Markstram in the cage. Schibetta says that Markstram has been doing a good job running the kitchen in D'Angelo's absence, and basically offers him an alliance, which Markstram accepts. Schibetta says his tits are "firm and round." Dude, I saw you strip-searched. That is a fucking lie. Schibetta: "Maybe you could suck my tits." Grossest. Mental. Image. Ever. They shake hands. Schibetta: "If you fuck me over, I'll cut this hand off." Enough with the flirting, Nino. When Schibetta's gone, Markstram tells Adebisi that they own the future. How much does five minutes of future go for these days, Paulie?
Hill tells us that "tits" is slang for drugs. Uh, yeah. He goes on about the traffic in Oz, and suddenly, apropos of nothing, we're in a flashback. A fire truck pulls out of a fire house, and after it's gone, some jerk wearing tie-dye enters and torches the place. "Prisoner Number 94P442. Ronald Pokelwaldt." Arson, 25 years, parole in 10. In the main area, Pokelwaldt, now accessor-loser-ing with a bandanna, is blathering something about tits to some random, when Adebisi and Co. arrive and start harassing him to pay his drug debt. They leave, but not without Adebisi licking him playfully. Hee. Adebisi, Wangler, and Markstram meet with Schibetta. Wangler shoots his mouth off, and Markstram tells him to take a walk. I'd like said walk to involve an open elevator shaft, but you can't have everything, I guess. Ryan watches as Schibetta says they're getting "clean" the day, and Markstram tells Schibetta he'd like to be there when the shipment comes in. Schibetta's reluctant at first, but eventually spills that they use the post office to get the drugs inside. He also allows that they cut the drugs in Oz, but won't divulge any further information to Markstram, who's suddenly Nosy McYenta here. He and Adebisi leave. Ryan tries to talk to them, but they ignore him. I'd never do that, Ryan! As long as you don't talk about Claire, I'll listen to anything you have to say. Call me! Adebisi doesn't want to do business with a "Dago," but Markstram says they just need to learn how Schibetta's operation works, and then they can take it over. Ryan pops into Schibetta's pod to tell him that his offer of help still stands. Schibetta's all, whatever. Dude, don't make Mickey feel unloved. It can be hazardous to your health.
Pokelwaldt tells Glynn and McManus that he'll testify against Adebisi, Wangler, and Markstram. Glynn says they need to learn how the drugs are getting in, and Pokelwaldt says he'll find out so they can "bust Adebisi's ass." Again, I'm not seeing how this is a wise plan. Adebisi's hand has a long reach. And let's not even get started on his dick. McManus asks if Pokelwaldt's been to drug counseling. Pokelwaldt slimes that he has, but even McManus knows he's lying. He says he'll go that day, and leaves. McManus grins at Glynn all, "Oh, those wacky prisoners." Shut up, McManus's grin. I thought I told you that already. Adebisi and Wangler see Pokelwaldt leave the meeting, because talking about someone in Oz teleports them within twenty feet of you, it would seem.
Ryan and Beecher get really, really high. Pokelwaldt enters, and Ryan tells him he can't squeeze his tits any more, because he never pays. Beecher playfully squeezes Ryan's chest. Aw. Shame they don't call drugs "dick." Pokelwaldt demands to know how "Markstram and his crew" get their drugs into Oz, like, whoa, dude -- are you sure you weren't CIA on the outside? No, apparently he's looking to "fuck those niggers up," which gets Ryan relatively serious. He says he doesn't know how they're doing it, but he has a couple of ideas, and offers Pokelwaldt a hit. I don't remember what happens from here, but I'm guessing that Mickey, even in his heroin-addled state, is way too smart to team up with this two-bit loser. Meanwhile, Beecher thinks, "I'm gonna kill this guy for horning in on my Ryan time." It takes him about eight minutes to form that thought, but once he does, he's hella pissed, I can tell you.
Mail room. Schillinger loads packages onto a conveyor belt for scanning. A hack sees something suspicious, and opens a box to find a shoe with a false bottom. Cut to Schibetta getting off the phone. He summons Adebisi and Markstram into the classroom for a conference, but tells Wangler to stay outside. Schibetta thinks that one of Markstram's people is the mole, and suggests he "plug the leak" that day. Leave that to Adebisi. Speaking of which, Schibetta tells Adebisi to stay, at which Markstram looks a little worried. Hill tells us that we all have secrets. Not with Fontana writing these episodes, we don't.
Glynn and McManus enter the gym to find a large doll that resembles Markstram hanging from the ceiling, a rope around its neck. McManus offers his condolences on Glynn's "cousin" dying, but Glynn sets everyone straight by telling us that Markstram was no relation of his, but was in fact an undercover cop. Cut to McManus having a temper tantrum that makes Veruca Salt look like an amateur. Glynn says he thought the less people knew about it, the better, and I only wish he'd followed that instinct when it came time for Mobay to show up. Glynn goes on that Markstram was feeding him information, but one of his fellow narcotics officers must have blown his cover to the mob. Well, McManus, your little power play certainly slowed Schibetta down. Toad. Speaking of which, the Pernicious Peewee chooses that moment to call and demand a lockdown. McManus correctly notes that the PP is trying to make himself look good, but Glynn says it doesn't matter, as he was going to call for a lockdown anyway. Boy, Timbo, it must be depressing to realize that a sock puppet could do your job better than you, huh?
Pokelwaldt and Ryan pedebitch about Markstram being a cop. They note that anyone else could be, too, as we get a hilarious montage of prisoners who are really, really unlikely to be cops. Ryan tries to greet Schibetta, who's walking with Adebisi, but gets the cold shoulder. Someone better talk to him before he pulls a Carrie. Adebisi says no one bought Markstram's "suicide," but Schibetta says it was meant as a sign to Glynn not to fuck with them. I'm thrown here by the fact that a lockdown was discussed in the scene, but has yet to occur. I've just gotten used to the Short Attention Span Theater plot developments in Oz. Adebisi wonders what they'll do now that the smuggling operation has been busted, but Schibetta duhs that the post office isn't the way they really do it, and that he won't be sharing the real method. He goes on that the fastest way to end the lockdown will be to pin the Markstram hanging on a member of Adebisi's gang. Adebisi agrees, and Schibetta spouts something about how he always thought Adebisi had vision. If Adebisi really had vision, all he'd be seeing right now is piles and piles of bullshit, so can it, Schibetta. Schibetta notes that Adebisi ends in "i", and wonders if he might be Italian. Adebisi points out that Schibetta ends in "a", so he might be African. Well, Couch Baron ends in "n," and I'm BORED OFF MY FUCKING ASS HERE. You'd think an afternoon of booze and painkillers would be more enjoyable. Anyway, now that everyone's said what they apparently needed to say, Mineo calls the lockdown.
A shirtless Alvarez complains that he hates lockdowns. Sorry, Migs, but I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. He says he's "fiending for some fucking tits," and we see that his podmate is now Groves, which is a new, and potentially awesome, development. Groves understates that drugs are bad. Alvarez opines that he had to be high when he ate his mother. Groves: "My mom told me that drugs are bad." Hmm. Looks like she forgot the "killing and eating your parents is bad, too" lecture. Alvarez keeps shifting in front of the door like a caged animal. To borrow a technique from Demian: Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. Groves tells Alvarez that he likes his scars. Alvarez: "Now I know why McManus put us in the same cell together. You're the only motherfucker in Em City who's more fucked up than I am." Groves eases forward to the front of the top bunk, and offers Alvarez some stamps. Alvarez says he doesn't want to write to anyone, but Groves says to lick the back, adding that it's coated with LSD. Alvarez runs his tongue over the paper as Groves giddily smiles. Alvarez: "You give stamp collecting a whole new meaning, baby." Pause. Rewind. You get the idea. And I gotta say, El Scorcho here would have chemistry with anyone on the planet. I think I'd find a scene with him and Busmalis hot, and that's a frightening thought, isn't it? ["Well, I'm 'afraid' I'm going to have to fire you now, because ew." -- Sars]
Hill tells us that drugs aren't the only thing you can get addicted to. Dude, you should see some of the TV shows I've watched religiously over the years.
Diane enters McManus's office and says she feels responsible for Markstram's death. We get exposition that someone confessed to the murder, but Diane says that maybe McManus was right that she's doing a shitty job. Diane, while I'm not saying you shouldn't acknowledge your feelings, there are better ways to do so than by telling McManus he's right. If you want, I'll email you the first billion I think of. McManus invites her to his place after work, and if that's an attempt to buttress her flagging self-esteem, it redefines "misguided." And "nauseating." Diane says she has to see her daughter, and McManus ups the sick-making quotient by saying that he wants to meet her, like, isn't traumatizing one female in the family enough? He tells her he loves her, and says that she's supposed to say, "I love you too, Tim." No, she's only supposed to say that if she's as much of a tampon of emotional need as you are, you horrendously self-involved ape. Diane tells him that what they did on the night of Keane's execution "was really fucked up," and while those words don't even come close to describing the horror of that scene, I'm glad Diane is at least trying to be honest about it. McManus isn't the slightest bit put off by this declaration, which makes me wonder if it's something he's heard many times before, and tries to pull her in for a kiss, but a noise alerts them to the fact that another hack can see them, and they desist. Thank you, Unidentified Hack. Diane says she came up to get the file on the "new arrival." Upon learning his name is "Scott Ross," Diane breathes a world-weary sigh, but says it's nothing she can't handle. Well, if you can handle looking down and seeing McManus's shiny head between your thighs, I can't imagine that much would faze you, dear. Uch. Maybe I'll have a little lye with that whiskey.
We see Ross getting photographed upon his entrance to Oz, and then get his flashback. He rides into an abandoned warehouse on a motorcycle and meets a couple of skinheads for a drug transaction. They get busted. "Prisoner Number 97R518. Scott Ross." Life without parole on the three strikes rule. Diane unlocks Ross's handcuffs in the room where new inmates meet their sponsors. He unctuously flirts with her, but she says he won't get any special treatment. She calls his sponsor over, who's some tool wearing camo pants. He asks Ross if he knew Diane on the outside. "Yeah. Me and her ex used to ride together." So your ex-husband was a biker and a hunter, and now you're dating McManus? I guess it's fair to say you don't have a "type," Diane. Ross gets shown into that big pod where Ryan and Beecher have been doing all their drugs. What's the deal with that place?
Mineo calls an end to the lockdown. We hear several loud whooshing sounds as the pod doors open, like, take it easy, Foley guys. Schillinger goes in to see Ross, and grabs his package. Ross: "I'm gonna give you ten minutes to get your hands off my dick." Ha ha...ha? I admit I don't really understand all the nuances of the Aryans' views on homosexuality, but I guess that was a joke, because they chuckle heartily. Further confusing me is the fact that Ross's facial features look a lot like Cindy Brady's. This show is a therapist's dream. My therapist's, to be exact. Ross asks if Schillinger has any cigarettes. Shouldn't you wait until after the ten minutes is up?
Ross smokes in a stairwell. Diane appears and tells him to put it out. Ross tries to play the we've-known-each-other-a-long-time card, but Diane points out that they were only "on the road" together for five months. Ross smarms that they were a great five months, and I'm wondering if this biker gang was some sort of wife-swapping commune, because there's a degree of familiarity here that just seems a bit off. Diane clarifies that Ross hit on her, but her husband was too fucked up on coke to notice. Ross says he was in love, and still is. Diane: "Save it for the shower room." Hee. Ross says he knows she needs money, and he has a way for her to get it, but she's not interested. Considering that she's sleeping with McManus, we know she's not in her right mind, so how long can it be before she takes him up on his offer?
Glynn announces that as a result of negotiations with the union, officers are no longer allowed to work double shifts. There's the quick plot resolution I know and love. Diane gets upset, and Healy takes the opportunity to publicize her relationship with McManus, which brings kicking someone when she's down to a whole new level. McManus throws a Styrofoam cup at him. Chivalry may not be dead, but I think it needs a defibrillator.
Diane tells McManus that if their co-workers don't respect them, it makes the day ten times harder. Well, Diane, you're on your own here -- McManus can't lose what he never had. McManus whinily asks if they can't see each other any more, but Diane attempts to convey to him how much she needs the job, and leaves. He throws some papers around. Wow, at least those inanimate objects respect you, Timbo.
Ross smarmily offers Diane a deal: she brings in a carton of cigarettes a day, and he sells them. She agrees. Ross: "That's my baby." Shut up, Ross.
Flashback to Said keeling over in the last episode. In the present, glower back to full power, Said goes to see an older doctor, who informs him he's suffering from hypertension. Said groans that it's the curse of his people, only he's talking about racism, not genetics. He glopines that men of color are forced to accept unfair treatment, but the doctor wisely doesn't engage him in this discussion, saying he's only concerned about Said's health. He prescribes some medication, which Said refuses upon hearing there will be side effects that might interfere with his mental faculties. The doctor flatly tells him if he doesn't take something for the condition, he'll die. Said: "Believe me, Doctor, I have no intention of dying." You might be surprised how much a good glower can do to sell a completely nonsensical statement. Said rides a wave of anger right out of the doctor's office.
In his pod, Said rubs his temple when one of his followers knocks, indicating a waiting Rebadow. I'd think that wouldn't do much for his head, but Said beckons for him to enter. Rebadow, informing us that he's had a jam session with the man upstairs, says he's sorry that Said's ill. Said's all, Mohammad talked to God. I knew Mohammad, Mohammad was a friend of mine, and you, sir, are no Mohammad. Well, he didn't say those words exactly, but the level of drama was equivalent. Rebadow says it's possible that he's deluded, but he can see anger in Said's soul. That's your claim to clairvoyance? Dude, Ray Charles saw anger in Said's soul. I think he even wrote a song about it. It was called, "I, A Blind Man, Saw Anger In Kareem Said's Soul." Said soapboxes that he's angry at society, but Rebadow isn't having it, and says he's angry with God. He goes on that Said saw Keane embrace death, and he's afraid because he isn't as willing to go. I'd advise you to get to higher ground, Rebadow, because the volcano known as Mt. Said is about to blow. When Rebadow's gone, Said falls to his knees in fervent prayer, probably for a hypertension medication whose only side effect is increased glowering.
A reporter on Oz TV informs us that, amid accusations of Devlin taking kickbacks, his wife has left the Governor's mansion upon learning her husband was having an affair. Oh, so he's a Pernicious Peewee Playa. I see. Said and McManus pedeconference about Said taking his medication. They then discuss the matter of the other drugs. Said: "Look at your own house." He then looks at the Richard Gere hack for good measure. Dude, Richard Gere's selling drugs? I thought he was a Buddhist! McManus seems to take the hint, what with it being wrapped in a large anvil and all.
Glynn: "That's a pretty big accusation." Glynn, you know it pains me to say this, but listen to McManus here. Soon, Glynn says he'll order an investigation, but he'll take it slow, so as not to spook the culprits, should there be any. Healy enters Oz, like, real subtle, Tom. He finds Diane in the locker room, who complains about working the graveyard shift. Uh, sweetie, you were just complaining about not being able to work doubles anymore. Plus, isn't the graveyard shift the sweet deal here? The prisoners are locked up for the duration, right? Whatever. We see Healy stick some drugs in his locker, but not before lazily dangling them in front of the camera, like, directors, I know you're entranced by the possibility of doing a little bump, but how about telling Healy to be a little more discreet?
Healy passes the drugs to O'Reily. In the party-size pod, Ryan sells the drugs to two deadbeats, and then Adebisi finds him and tells him to go see Schibetta. They have a little back-and-forth that includes Adebisi grabbing hold of Ryan and telling him to watch his ass. Ryan: "No need. You're too busy watching it for me." It's eerie when the characters speak directly to you, isn't it? Ryan enters the Capod, and Schibetta sits him down. Schibetta gets to the point: he wants Ryan to close down Healy's drug operation. Ryan's all, "Who, me?" for a while, but Schibetta's like, whatever, and promises that he'll take care of Ryan if he sets Healy up. Ryan muses that Healy's been good to him, and Schibetta asks if that's his answer. Ryan stands and says he'll do it. Ryan's movin' on up! To a deluxe a-pod-ment in the sky! Sorry.
Ryan meets with Healy and requests more tits. Healy: "Later." Okay then.
Ryan works the speed bag when Pokelwaldt comes to see him. Ryan tells him he'll give him free drugs if he tells Glynn he's found the drug connection. Pokelwaldt asks whom he's going to bust now. Ryan: "Me." Can I be the arresting officer?
Ryan meets with Healy, but the hacks grab them faster than a plate of fresh doughnuts. Glynn calls for O'Reily to be taken to the Hole as McManus gives Healy a good little slap in the face. Well, it was actually supposed to be a punch, but I thought I'd cut him a break, because it was pretty damn girly. Diane observes all, "Why'd I start running cigarettes in the one episode in which Glynn cares what the hacks do?"
In Glynn's office, Healy tells him he gave Oz everything he had. Glynn does his best Said impression and tosses him out.
Ryan, in the hole. Naked. Yeah. McManus asks him to testify against Healy, but Mickey knows the hacks will kill him if he does, and refuses. McManus says he'll see him in a month. Naked Ryan for a month? McManus, there may be hope for you yet. A hack comes in and asks Ryan who ratted, and Mickey completes his day's work by pointing him Pokelwaldt's way. I knew he'd take care of him. Pokelwaldt get wheeled into the infirmary with severe head trauma. Montage of Ryan going a little nuts in the hole. There are some bigger nuts included as well. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. Finally, with Ryan lying on the floor, the hack enters and tells him he's done. Ryan gives us another dick shot as he rises and says, "Piece of cake." You said a mouthful. So to speak.
Adebisi tries to play pinochle with Schibetta, only he calls it "Pinocchio." Schibetta: "How do you keep that hat on your head? Velcro?" Hee. Wiser Guys than you have wondered that, Schibetta. Ryan appears, and Schibetta dismisses Adebisi. Adebisi finds Wangler under the stairs. Good place for him. Adebisi grabs his drugs away from him. Aw, someone's upset that he's not at the cool kids' table any more! Adebisi says he's in the mood to kill Ryan and Schibetta. Well, that's a little extreme for the schoolyard, don't you think? Wangler's into offing Schibetta as well, and Adebisi tells him to stick around. Wangler smiles. Shut up and go back to sniffing your baby's diaper, Wangler.
Hill tells us we can get addicted to things other than drugs. Dude, you said that already. In this episode. Don't make me come over there.
Beecher and Schillinger enter their pod. Beecher sits on his bed, but Schillinger asks him for a goodnight kiss. Hee. Beecher resignedly gives him a peck that is unfortunately obscured by Schillinger's body. Schillinger: "I'm beginning to think you don't love me any more." Vern, Beecher may not, but the audience certainly does, and we know a lot better. Schillinger goes on that the romance has left their relationship, but he has a cure. He gives Beecher a tube of Dick Suck Red of his very own, and commands him to put some on. Beecher refuses, but Schillinger says he can wait for Beecher to surprise him, although not too long. Again, this is Oz -- I'd expect Beecher to have the whole Mary Kay catalogue by the time this episode is over.
Beecher does some heroin. He walks past one of the cross-dressers outside Sister Pete's office. Pete jokes with Beecher, but quickly realizes that his flame is burning just a little bit brighter than usual. She orders him to start coming to counseling sessions. Beecher: "Whatever." I've never taken heroin, but my experience with other drugs makes me think my reaction would have been much the same. On the stairs, Pete rats out Beecher to McManus, who says he'll have the hacks monitor Beecher carefully to determine the kind of company he's been keeping. Gee, Tim, you didn't think to do that after his ass got conscripted into the Neo-Nazis? Pete opines that Schillinger wouldn't be supplying Beecher with drugs, showing that she has more of a clue about the inmates in Oz than McManus and Glynn combined. McManus suggests talking to Beecher's family, and Pete says although his wife took the kids and moved away, he has relatives nearby, and that maybe they should ask one of them to come visit. Just keep them away from any members of the Brady family.
Beecher meets with his mother. He tells her she smells good, and reminisces about the times she would get all dolled up to go out. Well, Toby, you'll have the chance for a reenactment soon enough. Mrs. Beecher tells him that McManus suspects him of using heroin, and Lee Tergesen does a great job of conveying his character's pain as he tells her she doesn't know what it's like in Oz, and he thanks God every night for that. He tells her he'd love to talk about things that are going on with their family, "but if you came here to lecture me, to tell me to 'just say no,' don't. Don't put that final knife in my heart." Ma Beecher just holds him. Aww. Poor Beecher. Although you think that's the final knife? You've got a whole Ginsu set coming, my friend.
Beecher snorts up with Ryan in the Party Pod when a hack calls count. Beecher pulls Ryan to his feet, and they get cutely tangled up in each other's arms. , Beecher goes to Pete's drug counseling class. The other Em City attendees are Hill and Pokelwaldt, the latter's continued existence showing, I guess, that Healy was the brains behind the brutality. Pete says the point of the class is to talk about their addictions in order to find the cause, and has everyone reveal what they're addicted to. However, every time the camera focuses on Beecher, we get the sound of his heart ticking like a metronome set on "merengue." A guy who looks old enough to be Rebadow's dad says that his original addiction upon coming to prison fifty-two years ago was opium. Flashback to Rebadow's dad's younger self, who looks a bit like a shorter Ben Affleck with hair and an extra twenty pounds, making out with some dame and choking her to death in the process, not clearly intentionally. "Prisoner Number 45M242. Whitney Munson." Murder one, 110 years, parole in 60. Hill asks why he strangled the "whore," and Munson confirms my suspicion that he didn't think he was. Beecher suddenly stands and sweatily says he can't listen to any more. Dude, it wasn't that boring. Couldn't you save that reaction for one of Hill's monologues? He pushes Pete away and runs, but two hacks grab him.
Two guys make out in the steamy shower. Beecher watches from the sink. A cross-dresser with short blond hair and a tie-dyed half shirt appears in the mirror and says he's there to give Beecher a makeover. Schillinger is visible in the mirror as well. The Avon Boy, who apparently got in character by watching Scott Thompson playing Buddy Cole on The Kids In The Hall, says that Beecher's "boyfriend" told him to, and said not to take no for an answer. Beecher snorts some more heroin. Looking to turn that temporary solution permanent, eh Toby?
Ross and Schillinger are hanging out in the Pod of Pain when they look up at the door. Ross gapes, but Schillinger keeps a hilarious straight face. "My God. You're even prettier than I thought you'd be!" They crack up, as we see Beecher all dolled up with no place to go. His tips are even frosted. Beecher, lose the pout -- it's just adding to the look.
Alvarez trips as Groves watches happily. Alvarez seems to think he's holding his baby in his arms, which is too sad even to try to make a joke about. Groves tries to tell him that the baby's in that Great Big Playpen In The Sky, but Alvarez wails and tells the baby he loves him. Sniff. Hill tells us drugs won't go away until pain does as well. The final shot is of McManus smoking a joint. If he did that every episode, I might not hate him so much. Nah, that's just the drugs talking.