Previously on One Tree Hill: Nathan turns himself into the supreme Boy Toy. He rips off his shirt. He flexes. Women fawn. Haley begs Peyton to keep him away from the hoards of screeching teenagers. Nikki shows up, buys Jake, and then ends up threatening him unless she gets to see Jenny. Lucas finds Haley's "23" tattoo. He freaks out. She tells Luke she's in love with Nathan. Dan walks in on Deb and Dim, and comes to his own conclusions about what (read: nothing) happened. Luke sees Nathan kiss Peyton, and also comes to the wrong conclusion. Keith asks Karen to marry him. She looks shocked. Brooke shows up at the River Court and tells Luke she thinks she's pregnant.
And we're back to the same old boring credits.
The wind blows, like so many other things on this show. The weather has taken a more, ahem, dramatic turn as Luke says, "What do you mean you think?" A weepy-eyed Brooke replies, "I mean I'm late, like late." Luke asks a logical question: "Did you take a test?" Brooke shakes her head. I guess in her mind it's better to worry about it than to really know, because the truth would change your life completely. Oh, by the way, welcome to the conclusion of the "cliffhanger," where this aptly drawn-upon staple of television will be abused, tortured, and hung out to dry for the forty-odd minutes. Yeah, so Luke says they need to know, maybe it's just a false alarm (you think?), that the drugstore's still open (it's after midnight, remember), and they need to take the test together.
Keith stands at Karen's door, asking for her hand in marriage. Her eyes open wide and she can't really speak. He says, "Marry me." Again. As if she didn't hear it the first time. That's never a good sign. Karen shakes her head: "I don't know what to say." Keith: "Well, yes would be a good start." Karen: "This just seems so out of the blue." Um, yeah, because fifteen years of unrequited love totally equals "out of the blue." Good grief. Keith says, "Karen, when you left for Italy we had a future." Pause. "We're still the same two people who stood at that airport." He confesses his undying love. Karen turns her head to the side and tells him that she loves him too -- wait for it, wait for it -- he's her best friend. Oh, and she throws in a little "he's been a wonderful father 'figure' for Lucas." None of this is adding up to a rousing "yes," by the way. Karen: "But the time away, the distance. It gave me a new perspective." On us? "On everything. Tree Hill is such a small part of the world. And maybe it's where I belong, but there's so much more out there." See, Keith just felt the weather change there too -- meaning it's a cold day in Tree Hell that Karen will ever agree to marry him. She continues, "Italy was the first time since Lucas was born that I've spent any time alone. I realized I only know myself as Lucas's mother. I've got to find the rest of me." She tears up: "You mean the world to me, but I'm sorry. I can't marry you." They stand there and feel awkward. I mean, really, what kind of conversation can you have after someone asks you to marry him and you say no? "How's it hanging"? "What else is new"? "So, that's a nice ring, what are you going to do with it"?
Brooke and Lucas are in her bedroom. It's still late. Her parents put up with this? Anyway. She walks toward Lucas holding the test in her hand. He looks at it. She shivers. It's positive. Brooke squeaks out, "Oh my god!" She covers her mouth with her hand and collapses on the bed beside Lucas. She cries, "I'm pregnant." Luke tries to comfort her, but she shrugs him off and then stands up. He says, "Come on! I know you're still mad at me, okay, but I'm here for you. We'll go to the doctor tomorrow in the city. I'll take you." She says saucily, "I'll take myself." Her eye make-up is surprisingly intact for crying for what must be a good hour or so; even her lips are still perfect. Her eyes aren't red or puffy. Her skin is remarkably uncoloured; it's not splotchy or red either. Anyway. He says, "Brooke, I'm just as scared as you are, okay. But I want to help. Please, just trust me." She cries, "Yeah, because that worked out so well for me the last time." Holy crap. Weeks before, Brooke didn't have any problem treating Lucas like he was "fair game." She chased him, even though she knew he liked Peyton. She did all kinds of crap just to get him to like her, and didn't care one whit for Peyton's feelings -- or didn't consider them. But now, after they "betrayed" her -- and remember, we're in high school here, people, where you swap boyfriends and allegiances faster than Beyoncé can shake her ass -- this "oh boo-hoo you hurt me" crap has gone on long enough. Luke shoves his hands into his pockets and pouts. Well, he's approaching Dawson-like proportions of bad acting here, folks. We should start calling him The Chad, in memory of those heady days when one couldn't imagine acting getting any worse -- well, we're here, and it certainly is. The Chad's taking bad to a whole new level.
It's a brand new day! Hooray. At least that ends the Night of the Living Dead Plot Lines. So, Haley lets herself in and walks into Nathan's bedroom. He's still sleeping. He's lying on his back and not wearing a shirt. Haley gets on the bed and whispers in his ear, "Hey you, wake up." Nate comes to and says that he didn't hear her come in. She starts rubbing his chest. She teases, "You didn't hear your alarm clock either." Nate stretches his arms above his head: "That's 'cause it didn't go off." Ew. Teenage boy smell. "Not everybody gets up at six, geez." Ew, they start making out. In the morning. After him just waking up. Like it's nothing. But whatever, if Brooke can be pregnant and Keith can ask Karen to marry him, then Nathan can have magic breath. It's a crazy mixed-up world. Anyway. The alarm goes off, and Haley leans over to turn it off. Of course, Nathan sees the tattoo. She says, "Do you want me to start your shower?" He's taken aback, but covers nicely: "Um, yeah, thanks." Off she goes to start the shower. Isn't Haley a good girlfriend?
Okay. What day is it? Was the Boy Toy auction on a Sunday? Is today a Monday or a Saturday? How are they in town at the doctor on the weekend? Or is it a weekday? Anyway. Brooke comes down and meets Lucas in front of the Women's Clinic. Luke chases her, because my guess is that she's still quasi-ignoring him. He asks quickly, "What happened?" Brooke answers, "The nurse said they'd call me in a few hours with the results, and then she asked me about the father." Of course, Dan picks this very moment to drive by and see Lucas and Brooke there. Of course, he will draw his own conclusions and act like an ass throughout the rest of the episode. Luke: "What did you say?" Brooke says coldly, "I told her the sorry bro-ho kicked my ass to the curb." Brooke storms away, and Luke chases after her.
And there's the rock painted with "23" that sits in front of the high school. How many different objects need to be imprinted before we get the message: Nathan's number. Blah basketball star, blah great jersey, blah symbolism blah. So, Luke comes into the locker room as Nate opens up his locker. Luke's steamed and, well, quite honestly, ready to brawl. Luke barks, "So this whole thing with Haley was really just your way of messing with me, huh?" Nathan sneers, "What's your problem now?" Luke: "I saw you making out with Peyton last night." So, it was Thursday and now it's Friday? Oh, this drives me crazy. What self-respecting school would have a date night that keeps all of the kids out past midnight on a school night? Nathan defends himself: "Look, you may be a little slow, but we kissed because it was the auction rules." Luke holds up his fingers like a gun of anger: "I know what I saw!" Nathan scoffs and then tries to open his locker. Luke slams it shut. Their faces get real close to one another. Nathan says, "I'm about to beat your ass, man." Heh. Luke says, "I promised Haley I'd give you a break and that's the only thing that's saving you right now." Nathan pushes him back and whisper-yells, "I kissed Peyton like you kissed Haley. Now that's it!" For once in his life, Nathan actually acts like he has a brother's intuition. He looks at Luke closely and says, "What are you so tweaked about?" Luke back-pedals: "Nothing." He walks backwards: "Sorry!" Then he picks up his knapsack and hustles himself out of there. Nathan's got a what-just-happened look on his face.
It must be after school because Nikki's at Jake's door. Unless it's the morning, but that can't be, because Brooke and Luke had to get into the city, see a doctor, and then get back for afternoon practice or whatever they were doing. Jake says, "What do you want, Nikki?" Nikki says, "I think we covered that." Oh, Peyton's there, and she's got Jenny, who is fussy. Nikki hears the baby crying and pushes her way into the room. She wants to hold the baby. Jake stands between Peyton and Nikki and says, "No. No, she's tired, she needs to --" Jake pauses. "Peyton, could you take Jenny to her room for me please?" Peyton says yeah and carts the baby off to beddy-bye. Nikki says snidely, "Is that your girlfriend?" Jake: "She's just a friend, okay. She sits for Jenny sometimes." Nikki butts Jake into the shoulder and walks over to the mantle. She says, "Listen, our little romantic outing to the grocery store got me thinking. You shouldn't have to be using food stamps and paying for everything." Um. When has Jake ever used food stamps? Didn't he say his parents have been helping him out? And, um, didn't Karen give him a job at the Café? Oh, wait, kids in Tree Hill only have imaginary jobs that come and go when they need a storyline to revolve around them. Has anyone seen Luke working recently? Anyway, Nikki continues, "I can help you. I have some tuition money left over --" He interrupts her and says quickly, "I don't want your money." Nikki tells him that it's not fair, that he won't let her be a part of Jenny's life but he'll hand "her off to some babysitter." I'm going to call Jake "Julius" because of that hair. He looks like should be in an arena with some lions and stuff. Maybe wearing a wreath of grape leaves. Ah, Jake, you're hot no matter how I tease you. He says: "Hey! Jenny loves Peyton. She's got a lot of other people who care about her too." Nikki insists, "None of those people are her mother." Nikki turns around and picks up Jake's basketball team photo. She notices Lucas. He barks, "What are you looking at?" She replies softly, "Your life." Jake: "Yeah, it's my life. You notice who's not in it?" Quick cut to Peyton standing at the top of the stairs, holding the baby and listening to what's happening in the living room. Nikki looks wistfully at the photo and thinks of all the mistakes she's made. Yawn. How do we think this is going to end?
Luke chases after Brooke and asks her what's going on, if she's heard anything yet. Brooke continues to march forward; she doesn't look at him as she replies, "Did I come find you?" Luke: "Well, where are you going?" Brooke: "Away from you." Luke: "You can't cut me out of this, I'm just as worried as you are." Brooke: "Oh, are you? Or are you just worried that having a kid might deflate your market value." Well, this is shaping up to be quite an argument. Luke: "That's not it." Wow. She's walking fast. It's the Woman Scorned Scoot. Brooke: "That's right, you're a one-woman kind of guy. Speaking of which, how is my former best friend?" Wait, it's a one-note fight too. How many times can they argue about the same thing before Luke says "holy shit just get over it already"? But he's still trying to make it right, because he's dedicated to being a "nice" guy: "Peyton has nothing to do with this, all right." Brooke: "Not yet, but maybe you can pull a Dan Scott and knock her up too." Meow! Oh boy, the politeness gloves have been thrown off and then burned in effigy. There's no getting over this for Brooke. Luke yells, "Brooke!" She whips around, ready to argue some more. Hell hath no fury and all that hullabaloo. She says cuttingly, "Or maybe then maybe you can move on to random bar sluts. Oh, wait, you've already done that, better be careful, Danny Junior, you never know how many kids you're going to end up with." Ouch. That hit might just be below the belt. Well, Luke's temper gets the best of him: "Oh, that's real nice, Brooke. And by the way, it's not like I'm the only guy you've ever slept with." Brooke: "What's your point?" He says coldly, and with a hint of Dan Scott, I must admit: "How do I even know it's mine?" Oh, that's harsh. ["I admit that it was my first thought." -- Sars] Brooke's phone rings. She answers it, listens to whatever they say on the other end, thanks them, and then hangs up. She turns back to Lucas and snits, "Trust me, it's yours." She climbs in her convertible, slams the door, and leaves The Chad staring after her in disbelief.
Well, Deb and her incredible breasts are working out with an exercise ball when Dan walks into the house. Hasn't she gotten the locks changed yet? As she stretches, she sees Dan staring at her ass. He says, "Oh! That reminds me --" Deb comes back up fuming: "How did you get in here?" The door was open. Of course it was. Dan continues, "Why, who were you expecting? Another high school boy with his pants around his ankles?" She turns off the music and then asks what Dan wants. He replies, "I want my son to come to his senses." Deb takes a long, hard drink of water from her bottle. She's not even sweating. Her hair is tousled, but that's about it. He continues, "Have you seen his apartment?" Yes, she saw the apartment when she dropped off some food. Did he ask for any money? No, but she gave him some anyway. Dan says snidely, "Oh, that's just great. Don't you ever want him to come home?" Deb insists, "I want him home as much as you do, but for once in his life, you need to let him make his own mistakes." Dan barks, "Right! You bring him cash and food, and I'm the one who needs to let him make his own mistakes." Deb attempts to walk out of the room carrying her exercise towel and water bottle. I guess if they add enough props, we're supposed to believe it's realistic. Dan snarks, "Oh, and by the way, you can tell your friend Karen that her son was coming out of a family planning clinic, with a date. Is that the kind of mistake you had in mind for Nathan?"
Cut to Nathan and Haley coming back into his apartment after going swimming. Her make-up is also perfect, including her lipstick, which I never knew could last through chlorine as well as kissing. I guess the walk was cold, because they're both pretending to shiver. They're laughing and stuff. Nathan asks if Haley's hungry; she attacks him and says she's hungry for him. He says, "No, I'm serious, we can heat something up or go out if you want to." Is it a school night? Do they not have homework to do? Aren't Haley's parents upset and/or worried she's spending all this time with Nathan and not even eating dinner at home anymore? Haley's spider sense notices a change in Nathan. She says, "What's wrong?" He replies, "Nothing. I'm just hungry." What's wrong? Yeah, Nathan doesn't feel like making out. Haley laughs: "You realize you just said that, right, since when?" He answers, "Since you got my jersey number tattooed on your ass." Haley turns away from him: "Above my ass, actually. When did you see that?" The amount of lipstick on her lips changes with every shot. No lipstick. He saw it this morning. She asks, "Does that bother you?" Nathan answers truthfully, "I'm just confused as hell. You'll do something that permanent but you won't have sex with me?" Lipstick. She insists, "You can get a tattoo removed, Nathan. Sex is a really big deal for me." He says, "That's why I haven't been pressuring you into it." No lipstick: "The way that you're not pressuring me right now?" Okay, if you're young, ignore me, please, because the last thing I want is a bunch of teenagers going out and having sex and telling their parents that Ragdoll told them to -- but honestly, it's only a big deal until it's all done and over with, and then it's so not worth this much stress. But it's only because I'm old and over it and have been through the awful times and the good times that I have that perspective. At least Haley and Nathan are acting responsible and relatively mature in their ability to talk about it. But holy crap, let's just get over it; as long as we don't have a revelatory-light-bulb-this-was-so-fantastic moment when they do actually get around to it, this whole situation might just be okay. For right now, yawn. Anyway. Nate says, "I'm going to heat up some food." And that ends that discussion. Haley raises her arms up and utters a frustrated "Argh!"
The day, Brooke and her Pom-Pom Posse strut down the exterior walkway of the school. Luke faces her and tells her not to shut him out, that they'll get through this "together." Brooke says, "But we're not together. Guess you dodged the bullet on that one." She taps him on the chest twice and walks away. Peyton sees Luke and jokes, "Hey! Nathan told me about the fantasy kiss scenario you thought you saw." They start to walk together. She continues, "That kiss didn't mean anything, I wouldn't do that to Haley." Luke looks back after Brooke and mutters, "Yeah, I guess I overreacted." The girls go into the gym. Luke stares after them. Peyton says, "She's gone, you know." Pause. "Brooke." He stutters, "Why, why do you assume I'm looking for Brooke." Peyton: "Because you are." Holy crap! There's intuition all over this episode! Peyton's got it. Nathan's got it! Hell, even Dan's got some of it. Blah boring drama blah. Peyton asks, "She still freezing you out?" Luke admits that she is, sort of. She says, "Yeah, me too." Does he want to talk about it? Luke: "No, I think I've screwed things up enough as it is." Peyton jokes, "What? Worse than the death-wish best friend love triangle? What'd you do? Tell her she was fat?" Peyton continues, "Look, she's pissed at me too, but she's still my friend." Pause. "What's going on?" Luke looks philosophically at Peyton for a moment. Poignantly. Like his life has come to a crashing halt and all the things he's ever screwed up have culminated in this one horrible moment: "What were we thinking, Peyton?" She's confused: "You and me or you and Brooke?" He answers, "All of us." She admits, "I guess we weren't." Luke walks away, leaving Peyton as confused as ever.
Later that afternoon, when Peyton totally isn't dropping her strip off at the magazine and Haley totally isn't working at the café, the two of them hang out in her bedroom. Peyton draws. Haley puts polish on her toes. Peyton says, "I like that? What's it called?" Haley says sardonically, "Shag." Pause. "Did Nathan ever cheat on you?" Peyton looks up at her and says, "Where'd that come from?" Haley tells her that she's worried Nathan will start looking for what he needs elsewhere when he can't get it from her. Peyton says, "Oh, the big, bad sex issue." Haley passes the polish to Peyton as she says, "Yeah. I mean, we start making out, and it's great, and I totally get into him, and then I just hit this point." Peyton says, "I'll bet he loves that." She starts painting on her wall with the nail polish. Haley sighs, "I guess I just always thought I would wait until I fell in love and get married. Then I met Nathan and everything got so confusing --" Peyton continues to paint on the wall as Haley babbles, "It was never something I had to deal with right away. It was always a few years off, and then all of a sudden --" The wall says, "H.J." Peyton interrupts: "It wasn't?" Peyton continues, "I've been down that road." Haley: "Maybe I'm not ready, Peyton." Peyton: "Or maybe you're not sure if Nathan's the right guy." No, she can safely rule that out. Enter the very same speech she told Lucas in the Café, it's almost verbatim -- blah she can't breathe, blah she always wants to be around him, blah she's totally in love with him blah. Peyton says, "Well, then you've gone further with him than I ever did." Peyton puts the finishing touches on the heart that contains Haley and Nathan's initials. Oh. The. Symbolism.
Luke works out with his frustrations. He's lifting weights. He's pushing himself. He's breathing heavily. Dan comes into the weight room and says quietly, "Be careful of those knees. Trust me, I know." Luke stops. His father keeps talking: "I also know what it's like to be sidelined with an injury." ["Oh, like your head getting lodged in your ass? Har har. I kill me." -- Sars] He steps further into the room. "I wouldn't wish it on anyone who's serious about their game." Dan sits down across from Lucas on a weight bench: "How's the shoulder?" Luke: "Fine." Dan: "Good." Pause for "fatherly" advice. Well, if your father is Darth Vader and you're Luke Whinewalker. "I saw you at the clinic the other day with that girl. I don't have to tell you, you're treading in my area of expertise." Luke hasn't looked at his father -- who, I might add, is wearing a dark coat and talking in a deep voice. Coincidence? I don't think so. "You know Lucas, one day I woke up and I was looking down the barrel of a life I couldn't control." Holy mixed metaphors, Dan-man. And does that shotgun illuminate the clock ticking on his life? Or do the bullets represent the bars on the jail of his life? "I just thought you could use some advice. I can see that you're scared, but don't let that fear cloud your vision." Pause for the words that really hurt: "You know I asked your mom to get an abortion. She said no, she was too emotional. If she was thinking clearly, she would have done what I said." Does he realize he's talking to his son? The living, breathing piece of his DNA that sweats like he does? Because no parent should ever tell his child he wishes he never existed. It's an awful thing to say. Luke utters quietly, "So your advice is to have an abortion the way you would have aborted me." Dan insists on continuing this charade of advice: "You've got a lot of life left to live, Lucas, don't let this girl make the same mistake your mother made." Pause. "'Cause if you do, you'll be paying for it until the day you die." And thus ends the lovely father/son "talk," Dan Scott style. Wow. Who knew someone could be that cruel? Well, what am I saying, it's Dan Scott. He takes evil to a whole new level.
Keith visits Deb at home. They're having coffee. Deb says, "I'm glad you came by. I've been so caught up in my own problems, we haven't had a chance to catch up." Keith launches into the sad-sack story of how he asked Karen to marry him. At first, Deb's ecstatic. But then he gets to the part where Karen said no, and Deb provides the requisite amount of sympathy. The wallowing piano of Keith's discontent plays in the background. Deb apologizes. He says, "You know, you'd never picture it, you run it through your mind over fifteen years, the moment where the woman you love agrees to be your wife." Pause. "You never imagine that she'll say no." Um, fifteen years? FIFTEEN YEARS? It took him fifteen years to propose? Dude deserves to be turned down. He should have said something years ago. Honestly. That's a lifetime of wishing for something you could have figured out would either work or it wouldn't. No offence, but Keith's kind of pathetic right now. I feel bad that Karen doesn't want to marry him, but he should have stood up with some balls before now. Anyway, Deb's a good sister-in-law. She comforts him: "Well, you're still an important part of her life." She continues, "She needs you." Keith: "Maybe she needs me, but she doesn't want me." Deb apologizes, again. Then she asks what Lucas said. Keith admits that he doesn't know if Karen's told Lucas. And, well, Luke's mind is kind of occupied at the moment.
There's a knock at Nathan's door. It's early, but there was a party at Nate's last night. There are bottles of beer and Chinese take-out boxes strewn all over the place. The apartment is a pigsty. Nathan answers the door and says regretfully, "Dad." Dan surveys the situation and cracks, "Whoa! Looks like I missed the party." Nate lets him know he wasn't invited, and bitches, "You should have called." Dan retorts, "Why? You don't call back. I had to run a credit check to get your address. Your mother wouldn't give it to me." Nate tries to close the door. He ran a credit check on his own son? Now that's Stalker Dan action. Dan says, "I got news for you, son. Playing house costs a lot of money." Nate insists he'll get a job. "Great, what's that going to do to your game?" Because that's what really matters. Not his emotional well-being. Not Nate's fragile psyche, but his game. Dan lectures, "It's okay to be irrational once in a while, but have you thought this thing through? I give you a week out in the real world." Nathan's not taking his crap this early in the morning: "You know what's the best thing about having my own place, Dad? I can ask you to leave." Nathan nods his head toward the outside. Dan says, "Fine. But the beach house will be there for you when you hit rock bottom." Pause. "And you will." Ah, that's tough love for you. And when it comes to Dan, he's hard, harder than Steeltown during the ice storm.
Peyton sits on a bench outside of the school. She's trying to call someone, but Nikki interrupts by saying, "Who you calling? Jake maybe?" Um, why does she have his number? Do you think that she'd give it to me? Do you think I could call him, see if he's busy? Nikki sits down beside Peyton on the bench: "Look, I know you baby-sit Jenny. But I'm back now so Jake and I won't be needing you anymore." Um, okay, isn't there, like, a rule about non-students hanging out on school grounds? And how pathetic is Nikki? Threatening Peyton? Isn't she in college? Shouldn't she be more mature in her methods? Anyway, Nikki continues, "Oh, and if there's anything going between you and Jake, well, you're not going to be a permanent part of my daughter's life, so if I were you, I wouldn't get too attached." Peyton looks right into her lopsided eyes and retorts, "If I were you, I'd walk away." Nikki breaks into a lopsided intimidation-grin: "You have to know you're temporary, right?" Pause. "You know all the babysitting in the world isn't going to make you Jenny's mother." Peyton laughs sarcastically and then says, "Hum. All the eye-liner in the world isn't going to make you anything but a psycho-stalker bitch." And with that cut-down, Peyton leaves ol' Lopsy-Face behind.
Peyton runs into Brooke as she storms away. Brooke says quietly, "Friend of yours?" Peyton replies, "It's Jake's ex; she's trying to deal with her issues and I think I'm one of them." Brooke: "Scary." Peyton: "So you're talking to me?" Brooke: "Yeah, there's some stuff going on and I screwed up, I can't even tell you." And here, here would have been a good place for Brooke to start telling the truth. But here, again, her anger gets the best of her, because when Peyton asks if it's about Lucas, Brooke gets all hoity-toity and bitches, "I thought you two weren't together?" Peyton stutters on about the fact that they're not, but it's too late, even the mention of his name sends Brooke back into fifth grade and she walks away, leaving her ex-best friend behind. Poor Peyton, she's getting it from all sides: psycho-stalker ex-girlfriends of friends of hers, and psycho-crazed ex-friends wanting and then not wanting to talk to her.
Luke's at Jake's, telling him what's going on with Brooke. After hearing Luke's story off-screen, Jake says, "Damn!" Funny, that's what we all say when we see him. Heh. Right, I'm supposed to be serious because Luke's life is on the line, and Brooke's supposedly pregnant, and his whole world has come crashing down, and blah drama blah. Luke tells Jake that he didn't want to tell anybody. Jake says, "Well, neither did I, but I felt better after I did." Pause. "What does Brooke want to do?" Luke doesn't know, because she won't talk to him. Luke looks over at Jenny and feels his stomach churn. Then he pukes. All over the floor and the walls and the carpet and the couch. Okay, he doesn't, but I might if this crap continues. Jake: "What do you want her to do?" Luke: "How do I answer that?" Pause. "I'm just walking around like a zombie right now." Jake asks if Brooke thinks she's going to have it. Yes, she'll birth a phantom baby and all will be well in the Land of Nod. Jake continues, "You know, we talked about not keeping the baby." Luke replies, "Yeah, so did Dan and my mom." Luke sits down and mopes: "If she'd have listened to him, I wouldn't be standing here right now. How weird is that?" Jake: "Well, Luke, I don't want to lie to you, if Brooke has this kid, your whole life is going to change." Pause. "Where's your head at?" Luke tells Jake that he thinks they're not ready to be parents yet. Well, duh, they're sixteen, few sixteen-year-olds are, you know? Luke continues, "I can't even take care of myself. Plus, there's college, I mean, not just for me, but for Brooke too." He runs his hands over his straw-head and whines, "I'm beginning to freak out."
Oh, Nathan, there's using your good sense. Sell the hot wheels to pay for the hot pad. How much could he get for a 2004 Mustang? That's car's probably worth at least ten grand. At least! An apartment in Tree Hill can't cost that much. He'd be living off the proceeds of that sale for months, and it would piss Dan off to no end. Haley comes through the door. She notices he's selling the car and says, "Are you kidding?" He replies, "Got to sell the car to keep the apartment." What is his dad going to say? "He can say whatever he wants, it's still my car." Haley jokes that she could be his sugar momma, and kisses his neck. He pulls away. "What's wrong?" He says, "Nothing. You said you weren't ready and I'm trying to respect that." Haley: "What, we can't even kiss now?" Nathan: "No, I'm just trying to make you comfortable, and --" Haley: "I'm sorry, Nathan, this is so not fair to you." Nathan: "No, it's not fair to you, just don't apologize, okay." Blah he wants to, blah she doesn't, blah they both feel guilty blah adolescence blah. Nathan gets up and walks away, leaving Haley by herself on his brand-new couch.
And the montage music revs up.
Haley lies in bed that night, thinking.
Luke lies in bed that night, thinking.
Luke gets up and goes into the kitchen, only to find his mother there making some tea. He's surprised to see her; she's worried she woke him up. Blah she can't sleep, blah she's worried blah. He asks what she's worried about. She gives a pat answer about how she's a mother and therefore she worries about everything. And we all know where this is going -- TPTB just wanted to heave on the guilt before the real fireworks started. So, Luke says he needs to tell her something and that she should probably sit down. She prefers to stand. His face falls. He says, "This is going to hurt you, Mom, and I'm sorry." What happened? He says, "Brooke's pregnant." Karen's first response? To slap him hard across the face. Oh, boy. Looks like it's going to hurt Luke a lot more than Karen. She quickly apologizes. He half-cries, "I guess I deserved that!" Then he runs away. Heh. Oh, The Chad, The Chad, The Chad is just so bad, so bad, so bad, so bad! Karen races after him. Luke holds his face as he walks into his room, moaning. Karen says, "Oh, Lucas, I didn't mean it!" He says, "I'm pretty sure you did." She cries, "No! Do you understand? This is exactly what I didn't want for you! Have I been talking to myself the last few years? You have so much left to do in life, so does Brooke." She embraces her son and moans, "Oh god! You're both just too young for this!" Luke tells her not to cry. Karen sits down and cries out: "I cannot believe this is happening?" He sits beside her and says, "How close was I not to existing?" If I could turn back time? Wait, that's not nice, this isn't an issue to joke about -- but wait, if they're making such a mockery out of it, why can't I? Because I should rise above this melodrama and make a good, solid point about how accidents happen and the results are tragic, but good grief, where's the birth control? And why wasn't that the first question out of Karen's mouth? So, Karen sighs and tells Lucas that she decided she really wanted him in her life, in her future. She whisper-cries, "What does Brooke want?" Luke mutter-cries, "I don't know." Then he shoves his hands between his legs and starts rocking. Oh, The Chad can't handle the emotion too well. He screws up his face and starts blubbering. Karen embraces him and he emits a painful "What am I going to do?"
The evening, Haley makes Luke some "super-sized" dinner. He says he's not too hungry. Haley jokes, "All right, more for me." She continues, "So, I've got to ask you a sort of personal question." She leans in: "How many times per minute do guys think about sex?" Huh? Luke leans forward: "Per minute?" She says quietly, "Yeah, Elle magazine said that guys think about it every thirty seconds." Luke leans on his elbows and says angrily, "You're thinking about having sex with him!" Haley shushes him and then whispers, "It just keeps coming up." Then she sort of laughs and says, "Oops, wrong words." Luke gives her some good advice: he's not going to tell her how to live her life, but for what it's worth, he wishes he'd waited. Luke says honestly, "All I'm saying is just look past the moment, if you're not ready, then just wait, okay?"
Nathan's at Deb's house looking through some papers when she discovers him there. She says, "I didn't hear you come in." Nathan admits he didn't make any noise. Deb tells him that Dan stopped by and that she didn't give him Nate's address. Deb comes into the room and says, "Nathan, you can come home any time. You know that, right?" He finds what he needs and then makes his move to leave while Deb says, "I'm still here." He tells her that he doesn't want to come home. She continues, "You know, I walk around this empty house and it doesn't seem real. I wish I could go back and do things differently." Nathan seems to be having a different conversation: "I need to ask you a question." Okay. "Why did you do it?" What? "Cheat on Dad?" She was confused. They got married very young, and suddenly she was a wife and a mother before she was her own person. Deb explains, "And when we grew up, we grew apart." Why? Why did they grow apart? Deb: "I wish I knew, Nathan. But none of that makes what I did right." He says, "Because you were married?" Deb: "Because I had a commitment to him, and to you. Those moments of what I mistook for happiness weren't worth the cost of hurting someone I loved, and losing you over it now." Oh! The betrayal of an extra-marital affair coming back to haunt her! Oh! The shock and horror of it all! Oh! The audacious son whose morals have left him all alone! Now, there's the drama for you. Yawn.
Luke comes home to find Nikki sitting on his front porch. But how did she get there? She says, "I found out you were on Jake's basketball team, after that it didn't take a private eye." Luke smiles, but he's surprised. In addition to stalking her ex-boyfriend, she's now stalking his teammates. There's a good hobby for you! He says, "Oh? You know Jake?" Nikki replies, "Pretty well actually, Jenny's my daughter." His face falls. "Small world, huh?" Luke says, "Oh, look, Jake's a good friend, and I had no idea." Wait, neither did she -- that's why she's there. To make sure their, ahem, secret stays between, ahem, the sheets. Nikki says, "Lucas, I'm trying to get my family back together and it's not going well." Hell, this whole revolution in Nikki's life came from that night they spent together and Lucas telling her about how evil Dan is -- she doesn't want Jenny to hate her. Blah she has a chance to correct her mistake, blah don't say anything blah. Don't worry, your secret's safe until the writers need another piece of confrontation to really kick things up a notch.
Contrivance takes a break and giggles for a while in the bushes.
Luke doesn't actually go home; instead, he shows up at Keith's. His uncle is surprised to see him. Oh, and by the way, Keith's packing -- but Lucas doesn't notice. It's a good thing I put in my eagle eyes before starting work this morning. Keith: "How you been?" He's fine, just been "dealing" with some stuff. Yeah, Keith too. How's the rehab going? Luke says it's going well. He rolls his arm to prove it. So, Keith cuts to the chase: "What's going on?" Luke: "There's something I want to ask you." Sure. "When my mom got pregnant, and Dan left, why didn't you? Why'd you stand by her?" Keith says, "It was the right thing to do. And I loved her, and I wanted to protect her, but she really didn't need it." Luke: "She was pretty tough?" Keith: "Your mom could have been anything in this life." Luke suggests, "If it weren't for me, right?" Keith: "You're the best thing that ever happened to your mom, trust me." Luke apologises for the way he acted while his mom was in Italy. Keith says it's water under the bridge; no damage done, right? Luke looks like he's about to throw up again. Or at least toss the words "Brooke's having my baby!" out there on the table for Keith to scoop up. But he doesn't, he just says goodbye -- but not before his uncle gives him a pep talk about how he'll always be there for him, even if he's not around physically. Yawn. Is Keith leaving town? You think? Of course he is -- he needs to get as far away from the humiliation of his proposal as he possibly can.
Haley and Nathan are sitting downtown on a bench. She says, "I know I'm driving you crazy." He says, "No you're not, and stop." Haley: "What do you think?" Nathan: "I think that you're my girlfriend and I like to spend time with you." Aw, and it only gets sweeter: "Look, I just don't want to push you." You're not. "But I am. Haley, you got a tattoo for god's sake. And it just freaks me out a little bit because obviously this whole thing with us means a lot to you." Pause. "I just don't want to do anything to pressure you or drive you away, even though sometimes that I can't help it." Here comes the hot chocolate: "Just like I can't help that I fell in love with you." And the whipped cream: "I love you, Haley." With some marshmallows: "And it scares me a little bit, but there it is." She takes a deep breath outward and repeats, "There it is." And that's the only aphrodisiac Haley needs. She gives him a wicked-ass smooch and tells him she loves him too. Aw.
Lucas decides to pay his father a visit, which is strange considering their relationship, but maybe all the events of the past couple days have brought them closer together. Or not. It's Dan. I know. I'm dreaming. Dan says cockily, "There's something I can help you with?" Luke replies, "Not really. I just wanted to thank you for filling in some of the blanks for me about when my mom got pregnant." Dan snarks, "Glad to be of help." Dan then asks how the situation is with Brooke. Luke answers by telling him it's none of his business. Dan snorts, "No?" Luke says, "You know, before this happened to me, I never quite understood how you could be so selfish. Every day of my life I wondered, until now." Dan gets up: "Now you see the other side." Luke: "Yeah, I guess I do." Dan: "Don't be so quick to judge me, Lucas. It's easy to have all the answers from a distance, but everybody makes decisions they regret. Me, your mother, Keith." Um, what does all this have to do with anything? What exactly does this conversation mean? So, Luke now understands just how much of a jackass Dan is because Brooke got pregnant. It's a light-bulb moment for us all -- Luke couldn't figure out his father before thinking his ex was pregnant; Dan couldn't explain to him how he truly felt. But not in one single place does Dan say that his mother made the right decision or that he's glad Luke's alive, and no parallel situation could turn the son into that much of an asshat. Dan: "But we learned to live with it; it's part of life." Luke: "Not my life, not yet." Dan: "Yeah, I thought that way once. Then I grew up." Luke smiles and then leaves. I guess that's closure?
Keith sits in Karen's Café. She's glad to see him, because they need to talk. He looks up at her and declares he's going to make a change. Somewhere, Doctor Phil applauds him. Oprah does the hoochy-coochy. Sally Jessy pounds her chest and wishes she were back on the air. Karen sits and asks him what he means. He pontificates: "Well, I woke up this morning, and everything just felt far away. And then I went outside and for the first time Tree Hill didn't feel like home." Pause. "And I just thought, why am I still here. I never planned on spending my whole life here, and I just needed someone to remind me and you did that and it's okay." Karen asks him quietly if he's leaving. Keith snort-laughs and looks at his feet: "There's no time like the present, right?" Karen: "Keith, this isn't because of me?" He lies, "No, it's because of me. You did me a favour, Karen, by going to Italy and by saying no to me, you woke me up, and I appreciate that." Well, he's not really much of a sore loser at all, is he? He's finally realizing he needs to get his own life and stop living through other people, to stop waiting for the day Karen's going to wake up and realize she wants to be with him. She asks, "Where are you going to go?" He answers, "I don't know. But I've got to say, it feels really good to have options." And neither of them even talks about the shop? Does everyone know what happened and just aren't saying anything? Anyway. Keith gets up and squeezes Karen's shoulder on the way out, leaving the door wide open for Larry Sawyer to come breezing right into her heart. Wanna bet they get married?
Brooke watches television in her bedroom when a contrite Lucas shows up to prove he's both good and a man. She says, "What part of stay away from me do you not understand?" Who let him in? What time is it? He replies, "Just give me sixty seconds, okay?" She snaps, "I'm sorry but argument cut-off was nine o'clock." He tells her he doesn't want to argue. Her room is filled with wicker furniture and stuffed animals. I guess they're thinking if they can build the set like a sixteen-year-old would live there, we'd really believe Brooke wasn't in her twenties. Anyway. He continues, "You don't even have to say anything, just listen." Pause. He sits: "My dad didn't want me, okay. Not just that he didn't want to claim me, he didn't want me to be born. Now, I always thought that when I started a family, I'd be older and settled and --" She cuts in, "In love?" "Yeah. But so did my mom." She cuts in again: "Lucas --" He doesn't let her speak, though: "This whole thing scares the hell out of me, okay, but whatever you decide to do, I'll be there and if you're not ready, you're not ready. But if you want to have this baby, then so do I." Aw, what a man, what a mighty, good man. Yawn: "And whatever it takes for me to be a good father, I'll be there always. I promise you. I won't let you down." Brooke's conscience comes crashing down around her and she can't hold it together any longer. Luke stands up and acts the right way, says all the right things, and she cracks up. She says quietly, "I lied." He purses his eyes together. The Chad says, "What?" She replies, "I'm not pregnant." But I saw the test? "I know, but when the doctor called, he said I wasn't pregnant and said that could happen." Luke stands up and stutters "no-no-no-no-no." Then he gets a bit upset: "I was standing right there when he called?" She says icily, "And you had just called me a slut!" Luke shouts, "So you lied to me to punish me?" Are her parents home? Wouldn't they have heard all this? Luke: "How could you do that?" She treads in familiar territory with this reply: "How could you cheat on me with my best friend?" Luke just looks at her and says, "Brooke, I never meant to hurt you." See, therein lays the difference, right? She points this out: "That doesn't really matter because in the end, it hurts just the same." Okay, but is it justification for putting Luke through that awful day? Is hurting him back really revenge, or is it just weakness? Wanting to make him care about you and then punishing him because he doesn't? That's not really fair either. Luke just looks at her; he doesn't really know what to say.
Cue up the montage music. This week's featured song is "Everybody Hurts," originally by R.E.M. but covered by Dashboard Confessional. Sing along if you like. Pretend there's a bouncing ball at the bottom of this recap.
Dan unlocks a secret box that has clippings and pictures of Lucas when he was a kid. Who knows where he got them from -- I highly doubt that Karen would have sent them, seeing as he did everything in his power to make her miserable -- but whatever, I'm just going with it. There's an article about Luke playing football when he was younger. A couple of really funny-looking pictures of The Chad when he was a kid. Dan sifts through them all and smiles in a strange way.
Okay, Nikki has graduated right into creepy as she stands outside the window and watches Jake and Peyton. Peyton puts a pillow under Jake's head, and he falls asleep while she holds the baby. Nikki sees this pretty picture, turns away from the window, and takes a deep breath.
Keith walks into a pawn shop and sells his engagement ring.
Brooke sits on her bed and bawls like a baby.
Luke sits at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Karen comes into the room, and he tells her Brooke's not pregnant, that it was a scare. She asks quietly, "Are you okay?" He replies, "Not really." And that's the best acting The Chad did all episode. He jumps up and into his mother's arms, grabs her hair rather seductively -- or strangely, if you think about their relationship too much -- and cries himself. Maybe out of relief, maybe because he grew up a little bit, or maybe because the script told him to. He says, "Mom. Thanks." For what? "For slapping some sense into me!" No, really, he says, "For everything." She rubs his back and hugs him back. Whew! Who thought we'd make it back from the precipice of that cliff, hanging there over the edge. Yawn.
week: Luke stands outside the high school, looking at something. Peyton asks if Luke wants to go to Haley's party with her. Brooke and Slutty/Stalker Nikki show up at the party dressed to do some damage. They want to "let the fun begin." Deb screams, "Do you want the clothes off my back?" to Dan. Then she proceeds to rip her shirt off. He says, "I just want you!" They make out. Peyton and Nikki get into a fight at Nathan's apartment. Nikki: "You got a problem?" Peyton: "You bitch!" The claws come out: Peyton gets slapped, Nikki gets thrown to the ground, and it looks like Dim and Luke break up the fight. Things are never dull in Tree Hill, and that's a fact.