In the Enchanted Past, Snow White and Prince Charming (and let's be honest here, their army) defeat King Charles George Widmore's forces. Without the help of her only ally, Regina is likely to fall. She orders her guard to keep Charming from Snow until she finds her. And find her, she does. Snow, wearing her cream-colored warrior princess garb, is running through the forest when she trips over a rock and breaks my heart. But wait. It's all a ruse. As Regina moves in for the kill, Blue douses her with fairy dust, which temporarily mutes the Evil Queen's equally evil brand of magic.
During a meeting of their War Council, Charming presses the case for executing Regina. Snow is hesitant, but Charming can be awfully convincing, even when he's not crying. Personally, I blame that chainmail turtleneck sweater he's wearing. It fascinates me. Regina's father, Henry, visits her in her cell and begs her to repent, for if she does, surely her life will be spared.
At Regina's execution, instead of repenting, she crows that her only regret is that she didn't cause even more pain, and of course, that she failed to kill Snow White. When Charming commands the bowmen to take aim and fire, Snow rises to her feet and orders them to stop. Snow, thank your lucky stars that you live in a land with magic, because the arrows are already in the air, Highness. Blue swoops in and stops the arrows inches from where Regina's heart would be, if she had one. Regina, who seemed ready (and perhaps willing) to die, is confused. As she is led back to her cell, she contorts her face into a glorious, drunken sneer when she spots the shocked Red and Granny in the crowd.
Rumpy, who watched the whole aborted execution, does not want Regina to die, because he's still in the thick of manipulating her into cursing them all into the world without magic, so he manipulates Snow into testing her stepmother to determine if she is redeemable. Snow visits Regina in her cell and tries to awaken the good woman who once was. When she encourages Regina to leave her evil self behind in the cell and walk out a new woman, Regina cannot resist throttling our fair princess. Snow pulls a knife on her assailant, but Regina deftly disarms her and sticks the knife in Snow's gut. However, when she pulls it out, the blade is clean and not even the Snow's garment is harmed.
It seems that Rumpy collected a strand of Regina's hair, not just because he must be knitting himself a well-deserved hair shirt, but also to use it in a spell. He created a charm that prevents Regina from harming Snow and Charming (ooh, rhyme) in their world. Since Regina is no longer a threat to them, Snow frees Regina and banishes her from the kingdom. When Rumpy catches up with Queenie, he points out that he was purposefully specific when creating the charm. Regina is only magically prevented from harming Snow and Charming (rhyme, again) in their world. And so it came to pass that our devilish imp gave Regina yet one more nudge into casting the dark curse.
In the Storybrooke present, Henry and Emma return to Snow's hovel bearing groceries, only to find Charming and Snow baring far too much. Is everyone living there now? How about moving them into the house where David once lived with Kathryn? And never mind that. When Charming was first watching Henry, it seemed like he was sleeping up in a loft. Couldn't the married couple take that room? Nobody wants to walk in on their parents' or grandparents' private time, even if they're still young and beautiful. Well okay, there's probably some sickos who do, but you know, the rest of us just willfully block out how we got here.
A mortified Emma excuses herself so that she and Henry can retreat to the kitchen (which is still in full view of Snow's bed) to make tacos -- tacos that she'll be bringing to her own welcome home party. Wait. You don't bring tacos anywhere. You can bring the fixings, I suppose, or make a taco-inspired dish, but tacos need to be constructed immediately before eating. I mean, when we make tacos at home, what we do is warm the tortillas, cook the meat, cut up the veggies, put out the sauce, and lay all the fixings on the table. Everyone makes their own. That's part of the fun, but it also prevents soggy tortillas. Sometimes I just hate TV. It's like when TV families decorate their Christmas trees on Christmas Eve -- and they're happy about it. Where was I?
Yeah, so there's a welcome home party at Granny's diner. And hey, if the party is at a restaurant, why does one of the guests of honor have to bring food, anyhow? How does that invitation go: "We're having a party in honor of you and your mother's return. What will you be bringing?" Tacky. Of course it seems like only Emma brings something, not the Princess. You might think I'm making much out of nothing, but the welcome home sign tells the tale better than I. It's one of those signs where, various colors of individual capital letters hang from a string. They spell out: WELCOME HOME MARY MARGARET and then underneath, there's small blue rectangle on which and EMMA is written in yellow. Talk about your after-thoughts.
Still, everyone is in good spirits and now that Mary Margaret remembers she's also Snow, she's spiced up her wardrobe a little, although I can't imagine when she had time to shop. She's wearing a darling red dress with a flared skirt, and cute red pumps, that really have me in the mood to shop. That won't be happening any time soon, though, because above and beyond the money we spent for Christmas (our purchases include a new dog) in the last week, we've needed a brake job on our "good" car, a new printer and my daughter stepped on her orthodontic retainers. Hello, Visa my old friend. I'd love to pay you off, again... Goodness, I'm a digressive thing. Let's get back to the show.
Anyhow, the party is bubbling along until Regina arrives, bearing lasagna (which, aside from poisonous apples and baked goods, seems to be her signature dish). Grumpy immediately draws a knife, but Emma explains she invited Regina. Snow reminds her daughter how Regina tried to kill them like oh, say, yesterday, but Emma says Henry believes Regina is trying to change and sometimes, in order to change, what people need is someone to give them the opportunity to do so.
Meanwhile, over in at harbor, Hook is ready to go off on his own in search of revenge against Rumpy, so Cora plays a game of show and tell in which she shows Hook that magic exists in this supposed land without magic and tells him it would be a spectacularly bad idea to try to take on an empowered Rumpy. As they leave the ship, they run into the man who runs the bait and tackle shop. When he offers to open back up for them and inquires about Hook's vessel, Cora casts a glamor spell to hide the ship, turns the man into a fish and then Hook kicks him into the ocean. Such charmers, these two. Clearly, it's people like them who keep the rest of us from getting competent, friendly, customer service.
Back at the party, Regina looks as forlorn as the little "and EMMA" after-thought banner, so she quietly slips out, but her exit does not go unnoticed. Emma follows Regina and asks her to come back in and have some cake. Regina expresses sincere gratitude to Emma, and in the course of their discussion, she asks if Henry could occasionally sleep over her place. When Emma is less than receptive, Regina loses her cool and snaps at Emma, but quickly apologizes. As Emma accepts the apology, she reveals that Dr. Archie Hopper (Jiminy Cricket) assures her Regina is truly trying to redeem herself. Regina is understandably miffed at the confidentiality breach. From a nearby rooftop, Cora and Hook watch as Regina makes her way home alone. Hook asks the Mother of All Evil if her daughter is broken. Cora (who may just have a tear in her right eye) says, "Not yet."
The day, Archie is walking Pongo on the pier when Regina catches up with him and gives him a piece of her mind about being a blabbermouth. Red is out for a run, and when she hears Regina getting het up, she approaches, so Regina advises Red to take herself for a walk. Heh. Archie assures Regina he didn't break her confidence (which he totally did). Somewhere after reminding Archie that he got his Ph.D. from a curse, Regina tells him he's lucky she has changed, and storms off.
That night, Red is taking in the diner's sandwich board style sign, when she sees Regina enter Archie's office. When Archie lets her in, Pongo is atypically disturbed, so right away, we know it's Cora in a Regina meat-suit. Corgina throttles Archie. Pongo freaks. Corgina magically freezes him. She and Archie are enveloped by a thick purple haze. Yes, I do usually hate those portmanteau names, but I'm in the mood to use one this time. So there.
The morning before school, Emma and Henry enjoy a breakfast of what appears to be French fries and catsup. Get some pictures, Regina, for the inevitable custody battle! Since Henry is 11 now, he insists he's old enough to walk alone to the bus stop, but Emma won't hear of it, at least not until Pongo tears across the street and barks urgently at them. Using her wolf sense (or maybe just common sense) Red knows something is wrong. Emma sends Henry off to the bus alone, and then she and Red head to Archie's office, where they find him dead on the floor.
Down at the Sheriff's office, Snow watches from behind our world's most reliable type of magic mirror -- a two-way mirror -- as Charming and Emma interrogate Regina. That Regina is startled to learn Archie is dead does not escape Emma's notice. Despite her parents' warnings, Emma decides to release Regina and seek out the truth. Sadly, she goes to Rumpy's place for help. He has much in that shop, but stocked full of truth it is not, dearies.
Rumpy collects Pongo's thoughts with a dreamcatcher and tells Emma to use the magic within herself to reveal the dog's memories. She and her parents watch as Corgina throttles Archie, then Emma lets the dreamcatcher show turn off. It's too bad she didn't stick it out until the end, because Archie isn't even dead. Cora has him tied up in the hold of Hook's ship. She killed some poor other bugger and then magicked him into looking like Archie. She explains Archie's Storybrooke occupation, and suggests that he might be an excellent resource in Hook's vengeance quest!
The Charmings confront Regina. Blue tries to again subdue her with fairy dust, but this time, Regina is on her guard, catches the magic and thrusts it to the ground. She then throws down Emma, as well. Emma doesn't care, though, because now Henry will know Regina for the vile wretch that she is. Before Emma can arrest her, Regina disappears in a cloud of purple haze. Later, she tearfully watches as Emma breaks the news to Henry that Regina killed Archie. Dun dun dun!
"The Cricket Game" is a fun outing, but is nearly all set-up and no payoff. Since I've already gone on at length, I'll hold further thoughts for the full recap. I'll be back with that, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we've got Hook tied up in the hold.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!There are no "previously scenes" this week. When we open on Once Upon A Time, it is night in Storybrooke. Captain Hook and Cora (the Mother of All Evil) disembark his ship. Hook suggests they part ways, undoubtedly because the Mother of All Evil carries a parasol at night, and there's no way he wants to be associated with that kind of madness -- especially since he's off to skin his "crocodile." As Hook makes his way up the dock, Cora dissolves into purple haze and then appears in front of him to drive home the point that while Storybrooke was billed as a land without magic, there's certainly magic there now, which complicates crocodile hunting.
The owner of the bait and tackle shop greets the new arrivals and offers to open up his shop for them. When he notices Hook's ship, Cora hides it behind a magical cloak of invisibility. Harry Potter should really take more care with that thing. The shopkeeper is impressed at that voodoo that Cora does so well and asks if she's "...some kind of magician back in our land." In answer, she turns him into a fish, and Hook kicks the poor critter into the drink. Although to be fair, as one of my twitter friends pointed out, Hook probably just saved the man-fish's life. Yes, I will fanwank for sexy swashbucklers, and I won't feel guilty about it either.
Cora explains that she cloaked the ship, because to achieve their goals they need the element of surprise. She then proposes that they take a look at Storybrooke. As Hook follows her, we get a wide shot of the harbor, wherein swims a swan. Now, I've lived most of my life five miles from the New England Coast (or closer), and spend a lot of my summers in a coastal Maine town. While swans are not a rare sight for me, I've never noticed them swimming in salt water. I rush to Google, so that I can nitpick with impunity, only to find that swans do sometimes swim in salt water. Thank you for sharing my anticlimax with me. The title card features Pongo running around a tree. Between that and this episode's title ("The Cricket Game") I'm already worried for Archie Hopper/Jiminy Cricket. I'd pour myself a soothing glass of wine but (a) I have work to do; (b) I don't have any wine; (c) it's broad daylight, and the neighbors would talk (between us, it's mostly reason b).
It's morning in Snow's Storybrooke hovel. She and Charming are all snuggly-wuggly in her bed alcove. What? That's a thing. It's not a bedroom. There's no door. Heck, our perfectly perfect princess doesn't even have the area curtained off. She could at least put up some beads or something, but no. As the couple coos that 28 years is too long to wait between -- well, you know (this indicates to me that their canoodling while he was "married" to Kathryn, never progressed to straight up adultery, which makes me happy, so don't shatter my illusions, thank you very much) Henry and Emma enter. I'd say they "bust" in, but they live there and Snow and Charming know that. As I mentioned in the recaplet, episodes indicate there might be a loft bedroom in this place, so this scene, while cute, annoys me a little. It's certainly not salacious or anything. It just feels forced, like -- let's have Emma and Henry catch Snow and Charming during an intimate moment.
It's morning in Snow's Storybrooke hovel. She and Charming are all snuggly-wuggly in her bed alcove. What? That's a thing. It's not a bedroom. There's no door. Heck, our perfectly perfect princess doesn't even have the area curtained off. She could at least put up some beads or something, but no. As the couple coos that 28 years is too long to wait between -- well, you know (this indicates to me that their canoodling while he was "married" to Kathryn, never progressed to straight up adultery, which makes me happy, so don't shatter my illusions, thank you very much) Henry and Emma enter. I'd say they "bust" in, but they live there and Snow and Charming know that. As I mentioned in the recaplet, episodes indicate there might be a loft bedroom in this place, so this scene, while cute, annoys me a little. It's certainly not salacious or anything. It just feels forced, like -- let's have Emma and Henry catch Snow and Charming during an intimate moment.
Emma shoos Henry out to the kitchen, which is still in full view of the bed alcove, as she stammers to her parents about perhaps putting a tie on the door or sending her a text if they're going to indulge in a little afternoon delight. Emma follows Henry to the kitchen area; they're going to make tacos for their welcome home party (see recaplet for my rant on this). Charming laughs. "It's impressive that we can still provide her with a few traumatic childhood memories at this stage of the game." I'll give him that. But then, instead of getting out of bed, they pull the covers over their heads, traumatizing the rest of us into wondering if they continue their shenanigans with Emma and Henry fifteen feet away AND IN FULL VIEW.
Enchanted Past. Upon her valiant steed, Regina (wearing a headpiece so sparkly, so gaudy, that I'm surprised it doesn't immediately summon Disco into being in their world) watches from a hilltop as the valley below burns with the fires of war. Her guard reports that while King George Charles Widmore's whereabouts are unknown, Charming and Snow's army have defeated his forces. When the guard reports that without George's forces they can't defeat their enemy, Regina says, "Do not tell me what I can or cannot do." Somewhere, John Locke takes out a red pencil and, writing on the script, makes a note that reads: "Wordy. Consider, Don't tell me what I can't do." All the Lost fans nod, in agreement. Regina orders her guard to keep Snow separate from Charming, until she catches up to the fairest in the land.
We cut to Snow, wearing her warrior prince off-whites. She's running through the woods and takes a classic damsel fall when she trips over a rock. I'm deciding she takes the fall on purpose, because a long time ago, Buffy the Vampire Slayer took back the night for me, and Snow is far too fierce and competent to trip like that, right? Right? Regina rides into view and taunts Snow about leaving the battle too soon. Snow rises to her feet and tells Regina she cannot win, so instead, she's offering her parley to discuss the terms of her surrender. Regina is all, "My surrender?" Her terms are simple: Snow's death. It's then that Blue appears and douses Regina with Fairy Dust which temporarily deactivates the Evil Queen's magic. Charming crows about how the kingdom is now theirs and her reign of evil is over. We cut to...
Storybrooke. Night. Granny's Diner. We open on a welcome home sign that I also covered in the recaplet. Wow. Recapper me is hating recapleter me for spilling so much in the recaplet. I'll plagiarize myself here, so if you already read the recaplet, feel free to skip this paragraph, because it's just a revisit of my party complaints. Since the party is at a restaurant, why does one of the guests of honor have to bring food, anyhow? How does that invitation go: "We're having a party in honor of you and your mother's return. What will you be bringing?" Tacky. Of course it seems like only Emma brings something, not the Princess. You might think I'm making much out of nothing, but the welcome home sign tells the tale better than I. It's one of those signs where, various colors of individual capital letters hang from a string. They spell out: WELCOME HOME MARY MARGARET and then underneath, there's small blue rectangle on which and EMMA is written in yellow. Talk about your after-thoughts.
Readers have pointed out that the "WELCOME HOME MARY MARGARET" sign seems to be the same one they used when Mary was cleared of murdering Kathryn, since Kathryn isn't actually dead and all. That may well be so, but I don't care. They could just take off the "MARY MARGARET" part and leave it as a generic welcome home sign. I'm surprised Emma doesn't spend the evening in the bitter booth with Regina, but I'm getting ahead of myself, because Regina hasn't even entered the party yet. Let's start a fresh paragraph.
The Charmings enter the party to cheers, applause and hugs. Emma presents Granny with her contribution (to her own frigging party). "Tacos! I cannot tell you the relief of cooking something I didn't have to kill first." With a wry smile, Granny nods. "Don't I know it. Meat loaf back home was a bitch." I love this line, not only because I love Granny, but because I love it when one of the characters in the current day appreciates the easy of life in our world compared to life in their world. Regina did it earlier in the season when she told Henry that from what she's seen, our world is the fairest of them all. Politics and the news in general have had me pretty down and pretty disgusted. Thanks sweet show, for reminding me of some good things. , you should have someone comment on how much better everyone smells in our world.
Charming calls everyone to attention and raising his beer mug, he thanks everyone for joining them. "Mary Margaret and I, we have a saying -- that we will always find each other. And while I believe that with all my heart, I'd like you all to raise your glasses and join me when I say: Here's to not having to look for a while." After giving the guests time to laugh, Charming hefts his mug and says, "To Mary Margaret and Emma!"
As mother and daughter clink mugs, the door opens and in walks Regina. The party falls silent, until Grumpy, after grabbing a knife, asks what she's doing there. Emma explains that she invited Regina, but instead of seeing to her awkward guest and trying to help her settle in, she walks off with her parents and explains that they owe Regina their thanks for helping them get home. When Charming asks why she didn't think to warn them, Emma says, "I did, but you two were a little busy this afternoon." Snow says, "She tried to kill us. Yesterday." Emma says, "No she didn't. She's trying to change for Henry. He believes in her, and right now that's enough for me. I couldn't have changed if I wasn't given a chance, so she gets one, too." Snow and Charming look from each other to their daughter and nod.
At the counter, Regina is cutting Henry a piece of her lasagna. Unlike her fruit and pastry offerings, no one has seemed to die from it, yet. Henry says he's glad she came. Regina says she is too, and then offers Grumpy a piece of lasagna. He looks at it. "What's the secret ingredient? Poison?" Regina won't take the bait. "Red pepper flakes. Gives it some kick." Grumpy must be hungry because he accepts the plate and sniffs it, but doesn't put it back down.
Sidebar. I keep thinking about Grumpy and er...whatever Amy Acker's character's name is. Um...Nova. That's it. Nova. (I kept thinking Luna.) I wish there'd been some mention of him looking for her. Either that, or I wish she'd been sent out of Storybrooke (yeah, I know, back then when people tried to leave Storybrooke, bad things happened) or something, because it makes no sense that he hasn't tried to find her. Once Upon A Time he was in love with her. And even more recently, before he regained his memory and identity, his alter-ego Leroy was pretty sweet on Sister Astrid. I hope this is addressed at some point -- preferably with another Amy Acker guest-spot, but if they can't get her or don't have the time, then I hope it's addressed, even if she can't return. You know, maybe Blue sent her over the town line to do something, before the dwarfs experiment on Sneezy or something. My stuff. I'll continue.
Anyhow, everyone is chatting with each other -- everyone but Regina, who sits alone in the aforementioned booth of bitterness. I don't think you can tell from your vantage point, Regina, but your lasagna pan is empty, so at least there's that! When Regina leaves, Emma follows her outside and asks her to come back in for cake. Regina expresses sincere gratitude to Emma -- not just for the cake, but for the invite. Emma is generous enough to mention that Henry wanted Regina there and adds, "I'm glad you guys got to spend some time together." Regina is too. She'd like to see him more and asks if Henry could occasionally sleep over her place. When Emma isn't sure that's best, Regina snaps about how Emma must know so much about parenting in the five minutes she's spent with the kid. "Talk to David. At least he took care of him while you were away, like I did during the ten years you were away, the first time." Voice low, Emma thanks Regina for coming and turns back toward the diner. Regina stops her and apologizes. "I'm sorry. Snapping at you -- I shouldn't have done that. Will you accept my apology?" In the course of accepting it, Emma reveals that Dr. Archie Hopper (Jiminy Cricket) assures her Regina is truly trying to redeem herself -- that she's trying not to use magic and be a better person. Regina is understandably miffed at the confidentiality breach, but doesn't mention it. When Emma just says she figured inviting Regina might be a good idea, Regina says, "Thank you. It was." She then takes her leave. From a nearby rooftop, Cora and Hook watch as Regina makes her way home alone. Hook asks the Mother of All Evil if her daughter is broken. Cora (who may just have a tear in her right eye) says, "Not yet."
Storybrooke. Morning. Waterfront. Archie is walking Pongo down the pier when he greets Regina. "Beautiful day, isn't it?" Regina: "Why should I answer you, bug?" She gives him what-for for telling Emma about their sessions, and thereby betraying her trust. "How am I supposed to prove to people I've changed when you're there to chirp in their ears and remind them of my past?" Archie says he didn't breach her confidentiality, but he totally did. That said, Regina, no one needs reminding of your past. No one. When Archie insists he would never betray doctor/patient confidentiality, Regina is all, "Doctor? Doctor! Need I remind you you got your Ph.D. from a curse." Red is jogging by at the time, and approaches the duo to see if everything is okay. Regina never meets Red's eyes. She just says, "Private conversation. Go take yourself for a walk." Red's smile is all so that's how it's going to be as she trots off. Once she's gone, Archie assures Regina he can be trusted. Regina nods. "You're lucky I've changed." So say we all. We flash back to the...
Enchanted Forest. Snow and Charming's War Room. Jiminy Cricket informs the War Council that Regina cannot be trusted to change. They must dispense justice. When Charming agrees and asks what their options are, Grumpy grumbles, "How about giving me five minutes alone with her and my axe?" He turns toward Blue who is hovering over the round table and asks, "She's still restrained, right?" I don't blame you, Grumpy. Bluster should be fun, not suicidal. Blue confirms Regina's magic is still restrained but will only remain so for a short while. When Granny suggests banning Regina to another realm, Jiminy says it would be unconscionable to subject another realm to her evil. Red agrees. Charming rises to his feet. "Only one this is certain: as long as the Queen lives, the kingdom is in danger." Snow looks up at her true love. "Are you saying..." Charming says, "Yes. We must kill the Queen." After he dismisses the Council with his thanks, Snow wonders if this is the right thing to do. Charming says there's no choice, but Snow disagrees. After all, Charming stopped Snow from killing Regina. Charming did that to save Snow, not Regina. Besides, that would have been an assassination. This is an execution. I'm pretty sure, from Regina's point of view, the technicalities matter not. At any rate, Charming says, "If we don't stop her now, there's no telling what she'll live to do." We flash forward to...
Storybrooke Center. Night. While Red is outside, brining in the diner's "Open" sign, she spies Regina entering Archie's office. Archie is seated at his desk, when there's a knock on the door. Pongo whines and raises his head as Archie opens the door. It's Regina, who is hoping they can talk. When she enters the office, Pongo growls and barks.
Sidebar. We just got a new dog, over Christmas. While my husband Scott always had dogs growing up, it's a first for me and the kids. She's a great little girl, some sort of Black Lab mix. She's a rescue. She and a litter of five newborn pups were found on the side of the road in Mississippi. We don't know anything about her owners, but she must have had some, because she's house-trained and knows some basic commands, and is overall too well behaved to have grown up a stray. I'm struggling really hard not to judge her owners, because I don't know how she and her babies ended up on the side of the road, but when I think too much about it, I realize what a critical spirit I have. Anyhow, I guess there are a lot of high-kill shelters in the South, so there's now like this big doggie underground railroad. The dogs are rescued by kind-hearted Southerners, who work in cooperation with Southern vets to give them emergency treatment and quarantine them until they're healthy enough (and have been vaccinated, etc.) for transport up north where they're adopted. She's the best dog in the world, in the house. She's madly in love with the most interesting man in the world (aka Scott) and great with the kids, and with me. Outside is like hell for her (or us, or possibly both) though. Don't get me wrong. She loves to go out, but she's ridiculously reactive to both cars and other dogs. We live in leafy suburbia, so there are dogs and cars, everywhere. When she sees another dog (no matter how calm and well behaved) she goes all Cujo on it. I'm getting quite the upper body workout, just holding her back. She's pretty much the same with moving cars. We've going to get her evaluated by a trainer who works with the Rescue we used. I just mention this, because when Pongo starts barking and growling, I am afraid my dog is going to attack my TV, but she's apparently smart enough to not concern herself with televised dogs. Thank goodness. Sorry. Yes, I'm just like a new parent. But really, I'm sitting here in my office. Buffy (that's her name; after being abandoned pregnant, she need the name of a strong woman) is curled up in front of my desk, and she's so cute. I'd rather be playing with her than writing. I hope you understand.
So, Archie's Office. Regina comes in. Pongo growls and barks. My husband says, "That's not Regina. It's Cora, in disguise." He makes me put that in this recap. And even though he abandoned me all week with three kids and a dog, while he went on a business trip to Texas, I follow through, because his guilt tastes better than chocolate. Anyhow, our Buffy doesn't freak out at Pongo, and the TV lives another day. Archie reminds Pongo that he knows Regina, then grabs her file from this cabinet. Before he knows what has hit him, Cora-posing-as-Regina (Corgina) throttles Archie with her right hand and lefts him by his neck, into the air. Pongo barks some more. Buffy doesn't. Regina freezes Pongo and continues to grab at Archie's throat. The two are enveloped by her magical purple haze. We cut to Corgina exiting the building and walking down the Storybrooke thoroughfare. After she turns down an alley, purple haze rises from the ground and surrounds her, until she is once again wearing her Cora meat-suit and gown. Thank goodness she's ditched that lame-ass parasol. Who carries those things at night? Commercial.
Morning. Granny's. While Henry appears to be eating a breakfast of something breakfast-y, like waffles, Emma breaking her fast with french fries and catsup. Not the best role model where the most important meal of the day is concerned -- Emma is my kind of mother. Henry wants to know what it was like "Over there." He listens intently as Emma says there were ogres, the dead rising, and people trying to kill her. When it's time to head off for school, Henry points out that he's old enough to walk to the bus alone. Emma doesn't care; she's walking with him. "David let me," doesn't work on her. In fact, not even, "You used to let me," doesn't work on her. When Henry tries that one, Emma says, "Well I am not me. I am walking you, because that's what mother's do, and I'm doing it."
Outside the diner, Pongo charges at them, barking his head off. Buffy still doesn't react. Thank you, dog. Red rushes out and declares something is wrong. Emma recognizes this as a wolf-thing and decides that at eleven (so he's aged a year, since the pilot episode) Henry is old enough to walk to the bus stop. But instead of hugging him, she gives him a shove. It's not an abusive shove. It's just a nice bit of characterization to point out how far Emma has to go, in learning to be a mom.
Once Henry is on his way, Pongo leads Red and Emma back to Archie's office. Emma knocks, but there's no answer. Since the door is already ajar, she lets herself in and finds Archie dead on the floor. Oh, no! Emma asks, "Who would do this?" Red says, "I think I know!" I start getting ready to write another whole "Horowitzing Kitsis" recap, because darn it, I like Archie, and also because my friend works with Raphael Sbarge. I don't want her business to suffer. I have stakes here, Adam and Eddy. Stakes I tell ya. Okay, I'm one degree of separation from having stakes (or is it two degrees, I'm never sure how to count those...) We cut to the...
Enchanted Forest. Regina is locked up on a tower cell (when truly, she should be in the dankest, darkest dungeon) when her father, Henry, comes to visit. From outside her cell door he blames himself for failing as a father. He must have been reading our forum after "The Stable Boy" aired. When he begs his daughter's forgiveness, Regina assures him there's no need. "How could I blame the one I love most -- the only one to stand by me 'til the end?" Henry wonders if it has to be the end. He suggests she show regret for the pain she has caused, and to prove that she can change. He assures her they'll change their minds, if only she'll give them reason. We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Sheriff's Office. Regina is seated at an interview table, when Emma and her parents enter. Snow is visibly pained as watches from behind our world's most reliable type of magic mirror -- a two-way mirror -- while Charming and Emma interrogate Regina. That Regina is startled to learn Archie is dead does not escape Emma's notice. Charming isn't swayed by anything Regina has to say and informs her that Ruby saw her enter Archie's office. Regina says Ruby must be lying, because she (Regina) was home all evening. She reminds Emma of everything she's done to win Henry back, and asks what reason she'd have to throw it away, now. She insists if she did kill Archie, she never would have been caught, but Charming reminds her she's been caught before. Charming tries to lay out the facts as he sees them -- for his daughter. Regina has before been given the chance to change and she refused. Why should this time be any different? Well Charming, for one thing, Regina now truly loves another person again. I'm just saying. He's not listening, because we cut to the...
Enchanted Forest. Snow and Charming's Castle. Courtyard. Snow is still in her warrior princess off-whites, which seems curious to me, since she's now at home base. Maybe she hasn't yet had time to build up a wardrobe. Anyhow, the palace guard marches Regina to the center of the courtyard. Among the on-lookers are father Henry and a hooded Rumpy. Jiminy flits over to Regina and asks her if she has any last words. Regina says she does. After looking at her father, she begins. "I know I'm being judged for my past -- a past where I've caused pain. A past where I've inflicted misery. A past where I've even brought death. When I look back at everything I've done, I want you all to know what I feel" Tears run down her cheeks as she surveys the crowd. Continuing, she says, "...and that is regret." She waits a beat. The camera cuts first to her father, and then to a surprised Charming. Not so fast, Charming. Regina adds, "...Regret that I was not able to cause more pain, inflict more misery, and bring about more death. And above all else -- with every ounce of my being I regret that I was not able to kill Snow White." Even the badinaging birds are struck dumb at this, or perhaps there are no post cards in that realm.
Rising to his feet, Charming shouts out, "Arrows!" The bowmen ready themselves. The guard closest to Regina blindfolds her with a black leather blindfold, no less. Hey, just because she has to wear what amounts to a grey burlap sack, doesn't mean she can't go out with a little bit of style. Charming: "Take your aim." Regina raises her chin. Charming screams, "Fire!" Snow jumps to her feet. "Stop!" but the bowmen have already released the arrows, so it's Blue to the rescue. She flutters in and stops the arrows just inches from Regina's chest. They hand in mid-air then fall to the ground. Charming turns to his beloved and grabs her arm. "Snow?" Snow White looks from Regina to Charming then shakes her head. "This is not the way." When she swoops off, Charming orders his men to return Regina to her cell. With her blindfold off, Regina can't disguise her confusion at first, but by the time she walks past Red and Granny, she's able to pull off a deliciously sick sneer. We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Sheriff's Office. Emma points out how surprised Regina was to learn of Archie's death. While Charming says they should lock her up, Emma knows Regina didn't do it and refuses to lock her up. She points out that the old Regina would have reduced the building to ashes. She knows the look of a person who wants to change. While she was the Evil Queen in their kingdom, here, she is Regina. Despite her parents' warnings, Emma decides to release Regina and seek out the truth. Commercial.
Enchanted Past. Charming finds Snow in the castle and asks why she wants to show an unrepentant woman mercy. Snow says that Regina's "last words" were less about a lack of repentance and more about a woman who didn't want to appear weak in her final moments. She tells Charming about knowing Regina she was good, and reminds him how Regina once saved her life. Charming says that was years ago. Snow insists that since she changed before, Regina may be capable of changing again. Ethically speaking, I get Snow's point. That said, it's a lot easier to change from good to bad, than it is to change back to good. Ahem. So I hear. Charming argues that they can't risk the safety of the entire kingdom. Snow is not ready to kill her, when perhaps what Regina needs is a good dose of mercy. Charming will go along with Snow but reminds her that just as Snow said about his desire to execute Regina, they can't really "come back" from freeing her, either.
Later, Snow is wandering the courtyard when Rumpy finds her. He chirrups that he was there to get an execution day souvenir. When he lies that he's disappointed Regina lives, Snow refuses to apologize for sparing the Queen's life when there's a chance she might change. When Rumpy finishes chuckling over the idea of a redeemed Regina, he proposes testing Regina. He'll even provide her with the test. Snow wonders if she should trust him since he clearly wants Regina dead. That's because Snow is a leaper to conclusions. Rumpy lies with the truth as he says that perhaps he wants Regina alive (which he does, so that she can curse them all into a land where he might find Baelfire). Rumpy finally convinces Snow to take him up on his deal and we flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Archie's Office. When Charming notices that Regina's file is empty, that's enough to convince Mary Margaret that Regina is guilty. Charming lays out all the evidence they already have. Emma says that in the real world it's much harder to find evidence. It seems like a set-up to her, because it totally is. When Charming wonders who'd frame Regina, Snow says who wouldn't want to. Heck, even she has a motive to do so. It's a long list. Emma points out that there's only one person on the list who they know would kill to get what he wants. We cut to...
Rumpy's Shop. He and Belle are unpacking a picnic basket when the Charmings barge in. Rumpy blathers about the heartwarming family reunion then points at Emma and tells her she has her mother's chin. Emma refuses to let him blow smoke up her ass and says, "We know that you killed him." Rumpy looks from Charming back to Emma. "...And your father's tact." I can't help but think of my friend who constantly says, "The Tact Fairy wasn't invited to my Christening." I love my friend, but she's not wrong. Emma catches Rumpy and Belle up on Archie's death and all the evidence that points to Regina. Rumpy says he had nothing to do with it and can prove it by asking the witness.
After a time cut, Rumpy leads Pongo into the shop. When Belle is impressed with his dog handling ability, Rumpy says, "A long time ago in another life, I got to know a sheepdog, or two." I'd wrack my brain for the story connection, but I keep going from a Please Don't Eat the Daisies place, to a My Three Sons place, and then back to a different definition of know, and I just can't keep my brain on this topic. Hey, here's a fun thought: maybe Charming and his twin were sheepdogs and Rumpy turned them into boys and then gave one to King George. Yes, I have solved the mystery of Charming's real fairy tale name: Rover.
When Rumpy says they can magically extract Pongo's memories, Emma points out that Rumpy could just as easily use magic to fool them as to help them. Rumpy reminds Emma that he knows she too has magic within her. Snow tells Emma she doesn't have to do this, but Emma says learning about Archie's death is worth the risk. Rumpy takes out a dreamcatcher and says it's capable of catching so much more. He rubs it across the dog's head and down its spine. When it starts to glow, Belle asks, "What is that?" Rumpy says it's memories and tells "Miss Swan" to will the jumbled glow into telling them the story. Taking the object in hand, Emma holds it before her and concentrates like you do when you've perhaps been drinking a wee too much. You're not quite seeing double, and you want to make sure it stays that way as you wobble to the bar to order something non-alcoholic, perhaps with caffeine. After some encouragement from Rump, Emma ramps up her efforts. The circle of the dreamcatcher becomes a video monitor. Archie opens his door, Corgina enters the office. Archie takes out his file. Corgina throttles him. Snow cringes as she watches, even though she's shot peoples and ogres alike with arrows. She buries her face on Charming's shoulder, because she's lucky like that. Corgina lifts Archie up off the ground. Emma's face contorts like she's Frodo trying to resist the One Ring's thrall. Finally, she lets the dreamcatcher fall to the floor. Turning to her father she says, "You were right, all along." Charming, still holding onto Snow, whispers, "I'm sorry, Emma." Commercial.
Storybrooke Streets. As Emma marches off to get Regina, Snow and Charming remind Emma that Regina has her powers back. She's less than snatchable. Emma reminds them she has her own powers, but Charming points out that she barely knows how to use them. There's a family squabble. Finally, Snow remembers that Leroy told her the dwarfs are processing a new batch of fairy dust. They'll get some to disable Regina, before they confront her. When Charming is afraid Regina will see them coming, Emma says, "Leave that to me." Okay, but how, exactly? How?
Enchanted Past. Snow White orders the guard to leave. When the guard says he has direct orders from Charming not to take leave of his post, Snow says, "And now you have direct orders from me." After he leaves, Snow checks that she still has a dagger up her sleeve before turning to Regina, who is already peppering the princess with taunts about there being trouble in paradise. Snow says, "I'm not here to talk about my fiancé," so is the timeline all mucked up in my head, or does Snow doubt the legitimacy of a marriage solemnized by a fallen Knight of the Round Table?
At any rate, Snow reminds Regina that she remembers when she had good in her. Regina says that woman lost much and is now gone. Snow thinks she's still inside. Regina insists she isn't. Snow says all Regina needs is someone to help her let her out. Opening the cell, she says she's setting free the woman who saved her life. She encourages Regina to leave the evil behind in the cell. Regina smiles as she approaches Snow, but once they're in the hallway, she throttles Snow and shoves her against the wall. When Snow draws her dagger, Regina laughs at it. "Did you really think this would protect you?' Since I can't use magic, I can think of no better way to kill you with the blade you had meant for me. Goodbye, Snow White." And at that, she plunges the knife into Snow's gut as she coos, "Yes." When Snow says, "No," Regina pulls out to find the blade clean, and even the dress unharmed. Looking down at it, she says, "That's impossible." Snow says, "No, that's magic." Charming appears from the shadows and adds that this time, it was thanks not to fairies but to Rumpy. He took one of Regina's hairs and fashioned a protection spell. "Now there's nothing you can do in this land, to hurt Snow or me. You're powerless against us."
Regina looks at Snow. "You tricked me." Snow says it was not a trick, but a test. I say po-tay-to/po-tah-to. Charming rubs salt in the wound by explaining they wanted to give Regina a chance to change. It's then that Snow banishes Regina to live alone in her misery. She approaches her stepmother and says, "You saved my life, once. Now I've saved yours, so now we're even. And if you ever try to hurt anyone in my kingdom again, I will kill you." We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Regina opens her front door to find Emma on the stoop, and Snow and Charming down on the walkway. When Regina says she's ready to hear Emma's apology, Emma says she saw Regina choke the life out of Archie. Since Regina didn't, she wonders how this is possible. Charming answers that it was magic. Emma continues that she saw it happen and she knows it was Regina. Because this lovely, enchanting story is occasionally guilty of TV-Talk, nobody mentions the dreamcatcher. Regina says she knows Gold must have helped them and points out how he's less than trustworthy. Snow clarifies that Emma is the one who used magic. Regina's whisper sounds nearly enchanted as she says, "You can use magic?" After a beat, she adds, "The savior, of course. Well, I can only assume he warned you, then, that magic always comes with a price." When Emma says they'll both pay the price, Regina wonders what she means. Emma: "Henry. He believed in you. His heart's going to break. That's both our prices."
Regina shakes her head. "No, I will not let you poison Henry against me." Emma: "That's an interesting word choice, since you already did." Emma turns to walk away. Regina follows her down the walkway and demands to see Henry and tell him her side of the story. "He's my son!" Emma jerks back to face her rival. "He's not! He's mine. And after this, you're not getting anywhere near him." She then adds, "Do it." Blue peeks out from behind a nearby tree and hurls a ball of fairy dust at Regina, who deftly catches it and throws it to the ground at Snow and Charming's feet. Fool her once, shame on you. Fool her twice, well it's sure as hell not shame on her. She rages at Emma about Henry then magically thrusts the sheriff to the ground. When Regina starts to crow about having the upper hand, Emma insists she has already won, because there's no way she can fool Henry any longer. He will learn the truth about who she truly is. Looking around at her false accusers, Regina does what any self-respecting magical queen (currently evil or not) would do in such circumstances, and poofs away in a cloud of purple haze. Commercial.
Downtown Storybrooke. I am going to rush because my deadline is approaching, and I'm home alone with a dog who is making it quite clear she needs to go out, right now. Emma is with Snow and Charming, waiting for Henry's bus. She's fretting over how she can be a parent to Henry (especially at a big moment like this, when she has to tell him once person he loved killed another he loved). Charming knows how she feels. Emma insists they don't have to parent her, but Snow says otherwise. When Emma echoes Regina and says she's only been a parent for five minutes, Charming reminds her they're family now, and don't have to go through any of this alone.
Henry gets off the bus and reminds Emma he's big enough to walk home without an escort, but Emma tells him they have to talk. They sit down on a city bench, and the camera zooms out, so we can't hear what Emma is saying as she breaks the (false) news to her boy, but we see them hug, after the deed is done. Watching from her parked car, Regina sees it too, and sobs. We cut to the...
Enchanted Past. Knifingham Palace. Rumpy drops in on Regina. They quibble about whether he's her friend or there to relish in her suffering. He reminds her that today is the day of Snow and Charming's wedding. He didn't get an invitation, either. When he mentions it looks like they'll get their happy ending after all, Regina says that's his fault, since she has no way to harm them in this land. Rumpy reminds her how specific he and this land is. Then he plants the seeds he's been long to sow for so very long. "Now if you were to bring them to another land..." When Regina smiles, Rumpy almost takes on a Cockney accent as he adds, "Told ya I was your friend." After he poofs away, Regina summons her father and orders him to ready her carriage. "I have a wedding to get to." We flash forward to...
Storybrooke. Docks. Hook is sharpening his hook when Cora returns. He asks her if she got everything she wanted. Cora says, "Yes, my daughter's lost everything now." Hook: "Well, aren't you mum of the year." When she claims she did what was needed, Hook is all, blah blah blah your needs. She promised to help him get his revenge on Rumpy. Cora asks if he noticed the gift she left him in the hold of his ship. She leads him aboard the invisible vessel. Down in the hole is ARCHIE! Oh good. Hook asks who he is. Regina explains Archie is privy to the Storybrooke residents' weaknesses, including Rumpy's. He can help them determine Rumpy's weaknesses. A bound and gagged Archie nods, uneasily. Hook wonders, "If that's him, who did you kill?" Cora: "How do I know? It's my first day in town." Hook plays exposition fairy, in case we're having trouble keeping up. "You disguised the body to look like him. If death wasn't punishment enough. Marvelous work." Cora thanks him and says Hook now has all the knowledge he'll need. "It may take some work, but this cricket will chirp." Hooks smiles. "Aye. That he will." Poor Archie sweats it out as we fade to black.
"The Cricket Game" is a fun outing, but is nearly all set-up and no payoff. I am enjoying Snow's new Storybrooke look, and Emma's subtle changes in hair and wardrobe. I'd add more, but I have a dog who is waiting so patiently to go outside, and I like my floors pee free. It's a life goal, so I'll be back Monday morning, with coverage of "The Outsider." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where we've got Hook tied up in the hold.