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Enchanted Forest: Princess Abigail arrives at King George Charles Widmore's Kingdom. Where the heck is this wedding supposed to take place, anyhow? I thought the unhappy couple are on their way to wed in Midas's kingdom, the first time Snow and Charming meet. How many times have they been back and forth since then? There's no time for that. Charming has taken off. George covers with Abigail, but sends his men off to find Charming and drag him back.
Abigail has someone on the inside at George's palace, so already knows he is in love with Snow White. She and her men set off in search of Charming, too. Kathryn is no woman scorned. She's another child being forced into a loveless marriage by a King. She finds Charming and takes him to meet her true love. Frederick is a knight who was accidentally turned to gold, when he saved King Midas from an attack. That's the story, anyhow. The parents in fairy tales so often profoundly suck, that I wouldn't be surprised to someday learn Midas meant to gild Frederick.
Abigail tells Charming there is a legendary lake. Its waters are magical. She thinks it might save Frederick. Since Charming believes Snow White no longer loves him, he tells Abigail he will go get the water for her, so at least one of them will get a happy ending. She warns him that it is too dangerous. No man has ever been able to return with water from the lake. The magical creature who guards it has killed everyone. Charming is not afraid. If he succeeds in his mission, Kathryn will get what she wants -- Frederick. If he fails, he will get what he wants -- release from this unhappy life.
The creature turns out to be a beautiful, blonde siren. She tries to seduce Charming, but he digs brunettes, so it's a no go. So then...she takes on Snow White's form. Charming is tempted. They kiss, but he refuses to love an illusion. By then, though, he's in the Siren's clutches. She tries to drown him. Charming breaks free and begins to swim for the surface, when he's ensnared by enchanted weeds. The siren moves in on him again.
Charming finds a dagger, lying near the remains of one of the other men who have fallen prey to the Siren's song (although this one doesn't sing, which is just too darned bad). He stabs the Siren, while she's still wearing Snow White's face. As she dies, she reverts to her original form, thank goodness. Charming cuts his way free, swims to shore, gets the magical water and returns to Kathryn and her Golden Boy. She pours the water over Frederick's head. He returns to life. Hurrah! Prince Charming saves the day.
Charming rides off in search of Snow White. When he meets up with Red Riding Hood, she tells him she hasn't Snow since she left to tell Charming she loves him. Charming realizes George must have forced Snow to deny their love, but there's little time to plan because George's are charging at them, now. Charming helps Red up on his horse. Ride Charming! Ride like the wind.
Storybrooke: Prince Charming so very much does not save the day in Storybrooke. Kathryn informs David she wants to go to law school in Boston. David tells Mary, who points out that this might be a great time to come clean with Kathryn -- about everything. David agrees to do so, and while he does manage to tell Kathryn that he doesn't want to go to Boston with her, instead of telling her he's in love with Mary, he blathers about connections and fresh starts.
Upset, Kathryn goes to Regina. Regina wastes no time in showing her surveillance photos of David kissing Mary and gazing ever so lovingly at her. Kathryn is initially angry with Regina for hiding the truth from her. Regina lies that she thought Kathryn and David were working things out; she was trying to ensure they did so.
Kathryn goes to the school, bumps into a man (Frederick, in the Enchanted Forest), but barely pays him any mind. She confronts Mary, right in the crowded hallway. When Mary learns that David didn't come clean about their love, and only told Kathryn she could have a fresh start, she is devastated. Kathryn's laugh is bitter when she points out that David has lied to them both.
People in the town whisper about Mary and shun her. Granny tells her off, right in the street. Mary finds David washing her car. He's washing it because someone has spray-painted TRAMP on the windows -- in bright red. Mary is hurt and angry that David didn't tell Kathryn the truth, and that he let Mary think he did. He says he didn't want anyone to get hurt. Mary points out that now, everyone is hurt.
Meanwhile, the MYSTERIOUS STRANGER puts the moves on Emma. He reminds her she promised to have a drink with him. Emma says she doesn't drink with men, when she doesn't even know their names. The STRANGER says his name is August W. Booth. I start thinking about John Wilkes Booth, until the stranger says the W is for Wayne. Then I start thinking about John Wayne Gacy. Run, Emma. Run!
Emma meets up with August at the appointed time, but they're not drinking at Granny's. He talks her into hopping on his bike and takes her out into the woods. I told you to run, girl! The watering hole he talked about really is a watering hole -- a wishing well. He blathers on about the magical properties of the well water, and says it is rumored that if you drink from the well, something will be returned to you -- something you thought lost. Emma wonders where he comes up with this stuff. August then points out the plaque on the side of the well. I guess we're supposed to laugh, so... lol.
Later, back in town, August hides as he watches Emma return to her car. She finds the red strong box underneath it, and Henry's book is inside. Earlier, and unbeknownst to Emma, August copied the book. So is he good, bad, neutral? What do you think? Anyhow, Emma returns to the book to Henry, saving him from the handheld video game, Regina gave him earlier.
When Emma returns home, she finds Mary Margaret on her bed -- crying. Emma asks if she wants to talk. Mary says, "Nope," so Emma asks if she wants to be alone. Mary says, "Nope." Emma lies down to her. Poor Mary Margaret.
I haven't even had a chance to talk about Kathryn's realization that David never loved her, and the letter of forgiveness she writes to David and Mary -- the letter that Regina steals, before David can find it. There's also the matter of Kathryn's disappearance. I'll hit all that in the full recap. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the forum, but don't drink the water.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Enchanted Forest: Princess Abigail arrives in King "Charles Widmore" George's kingdom. George welcomes her and then grabs one of his men and hisses at him to find Prince Charming. I wish I knew Charming's real name. Maybe we'll learn it in an episode where there's some sort of breakthrough in Mary Margaret and David's Storybrooke relationship woes. Knowing a person's name gives one power, after all. Anyhow, we cut to Charming fleeing on horseback. It's not long before he is apprehended.
Storybrooke: Over supper, Kathryn tells David she has been accepted at a Boston law school. He didn't even know she applied.
Audience: Probably because you were too busy committing ADULTERY, David, you SLEAZE.
Recapper: It's not truly adultery, but point taken. I hate seeing Kathryn as a perpetual dupe. I'm tired of watching the degradation of David's character. That said, I'm pretending that there has been nothing more tawdry going on than a few stolen kisses and a secret picnic lunch.
Audience: Oh, c'mon. Mary Margaret had a one night stand with Dr. Whale. You think she's not doing it with her own true love?
Recapper: Not until they remember they're married, or at least until David breaks things off with Kathryn and is open about the fact that he loves Mary Margaret. Snow White is no one's dirty little secret. You hear me, Show?
Dr. Whale: Well, she's my dirty little secret.
Recapper: La la la. I cannot hear you. La la la.
Kathryn: David, do you hear voices?
David: Maybe it's just crickets.
Audience: The crickets of your GUILTY CONSCIENCE you CHEATER.
Kathryn: Hmm. Oh well. Anyhow, David, I think we need a fresh start. Let's make new memories instead of trying to recapture the old.
David: Umm...
Enchanted Forest: Abigail tells Charming she has ears in Charles Widmore's court, which, if taken literally, is incredibly gross. [I'm pretty sure that's one of our lines. --Imaginary Joss Whedon & Crew] Abigail knows Charming is in love with Snow White and has no intention of marrying her. He explains he will not marry someone he doesn't love. Abigail finds it "charming" that he is prepared to lay down his life rather than live a lie and explains that she came to help him escape because she doesn't want to marry him, either. I'm so glad Abigail has turned out to be likable. I really couldn't stand her when she was first introduced.
Storybrooke, Night: David meets up with Mary Margaret and tells her about Kathryn's plan to attend law school in Boston. Mary asks where Kathryn thinks he is right now. David told her he needed to take a walk and clear his head.
Audience: How about clearing your conscience, you second-rate lothario?
Recapper: The spellcheck on my Mac doesn't recognize the word lothario. I know I didn't spell it wrong (or make a typo) because I'm looking right at it, besides which, spellcheck isn't even offering me an alternate spelling. Seriously, spellcheck?
Spellcheck: Well, Lothario is a fictional character, so it is a proper noun.
Recapper: Yeah, well, Giacomo Casanova was a real person and therefore a proper noun and yet you recognize casanova.
Spellcheck: Maybe I'm cursed.
Recapper: Oh, I'm cursing you right now.
Gentle Readers: Um...can we get back to the recap?
Recapper: Sorry about that. Right. So, Mary Margaret asks David why lies are their default. She says they have to tell Kathryn the truth about everything. When David says he doesn't know if he can, I yell out, "You can't because of the curse!"
Audience: And we yell out, "Perhaps, or perhaps we've seen jellyfish with more backbone. Either way, you suck, David!"
Mary: I tell David he has to be truthful. If we can't be honest with others, how will we be honest with each other? As it now stands, the only way no one gets hurt is if we don't want to be together.
David: But I do want to be together.
Mary: Then make a choice.
David: I choose you.
Audience: Bah! You don't choose anyone but yourself.
Recapper: Anyhow, Mary Margaret says if he chooses her, then it's time to tell Kathryn. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps their kisses haven't restored the memory of life in the Enchanted forest because right now their love isn't true -- as in, it's not truthful.
The day, the MYSTERIOUS STRANGER runs into Emma outside Granny's and reminds her they're supposed to have a drink together. She wants to know if he's asking her out. He says if she needs labels they can call it a date. Oh, I hate guys like that and want to call him a douche, but in recent recaps of my other shows, I've been on a bit of a tear about not using words with feminine connotations as slurs. Darn it.
Gentle Readers: Looks like you just did. You're about as principled as David.
Recapper: But I feel really bad about it.
Gentle Readers: Yep. Exactly as principled as David.
Recapper: I'm sorry. I'll be better.
Recapper's Mother: You'd better be better because I read these recaps, too.
Recapper: Yes, mum. Anyhow, Emma won't go out with a guy if she doesn't know his name because she's not a moron and has no interest in either adulterers or ax murders. The MYSTERIOUS STRANGER relents and says his name is, "August. August W. Booth."
Emma: Seriously, with the W?
August: The W is for Wayne. And now you're fresh out of excuses. After work, be here or be square.
Recapper: When I was writing the recaplet, August's names took me to an assassin or serial killer place, but people in our forum pointed out that Wayne C. Booth was a noted literary critic. One of his books includes The Rhetoric of Fiction, in which he posits...
Gentle Readers: You recognize we can read the Wikipedia link on our own, right?
Recapper: Yes, but I'm making a point. Booth says that readers don't discern between the author and the narrator, so critics who insist on eradicating authorial presence when examining a text are dumb and possibly stupid (okay, paraphrase). I find this interesting because some fan theories about August posit that he is the author or narrator of Henry's Once Upon A Time book. We know he's a writer and he carries that antique (possibly enchanted) typewriter around with him. When last we saw Henry's book, it was in August's possession.
Gentle Readers: Yawn.
Recapper: Sorry. So, in Granny's diner, Mary Margaret asks Emma who the stranger is. Emma says doesn't know yet. Mary babbles nervously for a moment, then finally admits that while Emma advised her to stay away from David and Mary agreed this was a good idea, she hasn't been staying away from David, at all.
Emma: No duh.
Mary: But we've been so discreet!
Audience: Yeah, like kissing downtown in broad daylight?!
Emma: Look, I'm the sheriff. You're a lovesick school teacher. Two teacups in sink. New perfume. Late nights. Plunging necklines...
Mary: Plunging?
Recapper: Seriously, it's barely a V.
Emma: When I met you, Mary, you were a top button kind of girl. But whatevs. I'm not your mother.
Henry: Right. You're her daughter.
Recapper: Kid, you're not in this scene.
Henry: I've really gotta call my agent.
Emma: Anyhow, I figured you'd tell me about David when it was time. It must be time.
Mary: It is time. David is telling Kathryn -- everything.
Audience: Don't hold your breath, honey.
Over at the Nolan's house, Kathryn is looking for apartments online, when David arrives home. He tells her he can't go to Boston with her. Kathryn wonders if he can't or won't? I'd say, given his feelings for Mary, that's a Won't, but given the curse, it's a Can't. Anyhow, he's sorry, but doesn't know what to say.
Audience: Try the truth, you philanderer.
Kathryn: Try the truth. Is there something going on I don't know about?
Audience: Oh, honey.
David: No. Something happened. I don't know what it is. There is something that is preventing me from connecting, but it's not fair of me to let that screw up your life. You need a fresh start. Just not with me.
Audience: Well you're not wrong, but you're still not being truthful. Maybe if Kathryn hadn't asked you if there's something going on, we could support your way of breaking things off. We wouldn't want to see you gloat, but she flat out asked you and you lied.
David: It's the curse, I'm telling you.
Audience: Talk to the hand.
Enchanted Forest: Charming, Abigail and her men ride to her father's realm, where she says they should be safe. She has provisions waiting for David. He says he can't take any of it until she tells him what's really going on. Abigail tells him, "It's not about you James. I don't want to marry you because my heart also belongs to another." Once upon a time, she was to marry a man named Frederick. "We all have our own tragedies -- lost love being the worst." She thought reuniting James with his lost love, might provide her with some consolation. Charming tells Abigail that Snow doesn't love him and says, "You can't fight for something that doesn't exist. So, there's my tragedy."
Recapper: My tragedy is that there is an old story (maybe by the Brothers Grimm) about Frederick and Abigail. It's not a fairy tale. It's a story where the wife takes everything her husband says incredibly literally, and hijinks ensue. I found it the first time we learned Abigail's name, but now, when I do a web search on it, all the hits lead to other Once Upon A Time recaps and episode discussions. It's driving me crazy.
Abigail: You think that's tragic? My tragedy, let me show you it! I lead my erstwhile fiancé to a gazebo in the woods with a gilded Knight standing at its center.
Charming: What's up with Golden Boy?
Abigail: We were traveling with my father, Midas. Our caravan ambushed. Frederick was cut down saving daddy's life. This is no statue. Frederick threw himself in front of daddy. Because of my father's curse, he turned to gold.
Charming: All curses can be broken. Have you tried true love's kiss?
Abigail: 'Til my lips bled.
Charming: Ah, the gold got in the way.
Rumpy: Gnarrrrrrrrrrgllllieeeeey doo lay doo lee. A secretive shout-out a shout-out to me. To me!
Recapper: Scram, you're not in the episode.
Audience: *Pouts*
Abigail: Anyhow, there's this legendary lake -- Lake Nostos. Its waters supposedly have properties that can return something to you once lost, but a ghastly creature guards it. None have succeeded in drawing its water.
Charming: Well, none have my fearless bravery!
Recapper: Did you turn into Gaston, or something?
Charming: No, I'm just a little suicidal, since I'm apparently not the one true love of my one true love. Anyhow, Abby, one of us should have happiness. If I succeed in getting you this water and it brings your man back to you, you win. If I fail and die, I win.
Recapper: Celexa. Look into it.
Back in Storybrooke, August has unbound Henry's Once Upon A Time book and is fiddling with it. At first, I think he's made a copy and is aging the pages of this new copy by dipping them in water or something. There's since been all kinds of discussion about this in our episode thread and I now have no clue what August is doing, except dipping the pages in some fluid, hanging them on a line to dry. he takes down an already dried group of pages (which are all hanging on top of each other and that would mess with the drying, right?). Anyhow, he lays the dried group of pages on top of another section of the book (and right on top of an illustration of the Gold Knight). He hand-binds that section to the pages already on his work table. Eagle-eyed forum members have pointed out that the first page we see August dip into the water features the part of the Snow White and Rose Red story, in which Snow White frees the dwarf by cutting off the end of his beard. Anyhow, so what's August doing with the book? I have no clue. Some people think he's made a copy, is keeping the original and is just aging the copies in water so Henry will think he has the original. Some think he is giving Henry an altered copy. Others think he's got magical water from Lake Nostos and is restoring the book. Others think he's just cleaning it up because it was just in a metal box buried in the dirt, but I have to say, those first pages he dipped don't look dirty. I like the magical water theory.
Over at her office, Regina gives Henry a present. He wants to know what the occasion is. Regina says, "The occasion is I love you." Henry's expression is sad as he blinks and looks away from her. Inside the box is a(n outdated) handheld video game. Regina says, "I know you miss your book, but with this, you can do the heroics. You can save the princesses. You can be the hero."
Regina: The kid remains morose. I didn't mean to destroy your book. I tore down the playground for your safety.
Henry: It's not just the book. It's Emma. I want to see her.
Before Regina can respond, Kathryn does the old knock-and-enter. Regina sends Henry home to do his homework. Once the women are alone, Kathryn cries as she tells Regina that David is leaving her. Regina immediately launches a verbal assault about Mary Margaret the home-wrecker, then notices (and undoubtedly delights in the fact that) Kathryn is caught off guard. Regina contains her glee as she tells Kathryn about the affair and shows her surveillance photos of David and Mary kissing and sharing loving looks.
Kathryn: Why didn't you tell me?
Regina: Muahahaha. Um. I mean, I thought you two were working it out. Believe me, I want you two together.
Kathryn: Why do you care?
Regina: I'm your friend!
Kathryn: No -- a friend wouldn't lie. Everyone is lying to me.
Gentle Readers: Uh, Cindy? Nowhere in that scene does Regina look even remotely gleeful. Also, earlier on, when she was alone with Henry, she seemed sincere and loving.
Recapper: Yeah, ask the Genie of Agrabah about that.
Magic Mirror: Word.
Back in the Enchanted Forest, Abigail shows Charming the shrine to the guardian of the lake. She wants to accompany him to the lake, but Charming insists upon going it alone and he will leave no offering, as doing so wasn't much help to those who went before him.
Back in Storybrooke, at the Nolan's house, David is going through old photos. He lingers on one of Kathryn.
Curse: This is me at work, people. I don't care what you say.
Audience: We believe it. We just don't want to see our hero act so unheroically.
Recapper: What the heck, spellcheck. You don't recognize unheroically, either?
Spellcheck: It's the curse!
Curse: Don't put that on me.
Mary: I'm at school when David calls me. I ask if he told Kathryn.
David: Yep, and it's bad, really bad.
Mary: But you told the truth, so we can pick up the pieces and start over from a real place.
David: Um... So hey, I want to see you. Can I come by after school?
Mary: Of course. I'll see then. You did the right thing.
David: Um.
Kathryn comes storming down the school corridor. She bumps into a male gym teacher who is all, "Watch where you're going." He sure watches where she's going and seems disconcerted.
Mary: I'm a little freaked out when I see Kathryn coming at me. The first thing I do is blurt out that I'm sorry.
Kathryn: I slap her right across the face. Screw you!
Mary: I understand you're upset. Can we talk somewhere private?
Kathryn: Doubt it. I'm all about shaming you, you lying man-stealer.
Mary: We've been completely honest.
Kathryn: As if! It's been a pack of lies and some crap about not being able to connect!
Mary: What? He said he would tell you the truth.
Kathryn: Ha! Well, then he lied to you, too. Good luck making it work. You two deserve each other.
Audience: This is what we're saying.
Back in the Enchanted Forest, Charming arrives at the lake. He starts to fill a canteen, wineskin -- what is thing called? You know, one of those leather water-thingums. Anyhow, the sound effects get creepy and tip him off that the beast is on its way. Charming demands that it show itself. He hears creepiness approach but sees nothing, so he tells the beast to show itself. When it appears, Charming is surprised that his foe is a beautiful blond siren. She rises out of the water. Charming looks smitten, despite himself. Commercial.
In Storybrooke, August pulls up to Granny's on his motorcycle. He tells Emma to hop on. When she's reluctant, he says she should quit needing to control everything and take a leap of faith. He smells like he's on the side of good -- I'm just saying. He tells her again, to hop on.
August: I know a good watering hole.
Granny: If you don't hop on that, I will. (And I maybe don't mean the bike.)
Recapper's Mother: Cynthia!
Recapper: I'm sorry, mum, but did you not see Granny's face. She's a bit of a big, bad wolf, herself.
Emma: All right, already.
Granny smiles as Emma gets on the bike. August drives them out to a well.
Emma: I'm all like, "A watering hole, literally." Gnnnarrrr.
August: Say what you will about me. I always tell the truth.
Emma: Where's the booze?
August: You want me to get you drunk? Maybe time.
Emma: Dream on.
August: So, there's something special about the well. The legend is that the water from the well is fed by an underground lake with magical properties.
Emma: You sound like Henry.
August: Smart kid.
Henry: I don't know how anyone even remembers what I sound like. I'm hardly on screen, these days.
Recapper: You're not in this scene, either, hon.
August: Anyhoodle, I tell Emma that legend has it, if you drink the water from the well, something lost will be returned to you. She says I know a lot about Storybrooke for a newbie. I tell her she knows pretty little, considering she's the sheriff. Then I admit, the legend is right there on the plaque on the side of the well.
Recapper: Is this where you got the water you used, when you were doing whatever to Henry's book?
August: Ix-nay on the ook-bay in front of the eriff-shay?
Recapper: Kay-o-ay?
Emma: So, you um...believe this legend?
August: I'm a writer. I like to keep an open mind.
Emma: Yeah, but magic?
August: If anything has magic, it's water.
Emma: Yeah, that's pretty much what he says, but he uses about a hundred more words. Short version or long, I still say that's asking a lot to believe on faith.
August: Emma, if you need evidence you're going to find yourself stuck in one place for a long time.
Emma: Maybe, or maybe I'll just find the truth before anyone else.
August: Well, Ms. Skeptic. Bottoms up. It's good water.
Back in Storybrooke, Mary is walking home. People pass her -- whispering and staring. She bumps into Granny who tells her she should be ashamed of herself. Mary is near tears.
Back at the Lake of Nostrils or whatever it's called, the Siren asks Charming his name. He doesn't answer because NOBODY WILL LET ME KNOW HIS NAME. She tells him she can be anyone he wants her to be. He knows she's there to lure him to his death. She claims she doesn't want to kill him. She wants to do him.
Siren: Well, I say it a bit more seductively than that.
Recapper: I'm not listening to your song, you...you--
Dennis: I believe the term you're looking for is watery tart.
Gentle Readers: We thought you weren't going to tolerate slurs.
Recapper: Right. Ahem. Back to your own story, Dennis.
Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Recapper: Rumpy, a little help, here.
Rumpy: It'll cost you your first born.
Recapper's Husband: We'll throw the other two in, for free!
Gentle Readers: Yikes!
Recapper: It's been a long week of February vacation, is what he's saying.
Rumpy: Veeeeeery weeeeeell, be gone, Dennis the menace. Hmmm now that's a name...
Recapper: Anyhow, Charming says he will not fall prey to the Siren's deceptions, so she turns herself into Snow White.
Siren: How you like me now?
Charming: Gulp. I mean, I know it's not real.
Siren: Sometimes illusions are better than truth. Everything you want that you can't have -- I can give it to you. All you have to do is kiss me. I know you want to, I can feel it.
Recapper: Dirty! Ahem. So, they kiss. Charming drops his sword (not a euphemism.) When their lips part, the siren starts to lead him out into the lake, but he insists he wants reality or nothing. She kisses him again -- asking if it feels real. He says, "Snow." She's all, "That's right. It's me. I love you."
Charming: No. No it's not you.
Siren: Is too.
Charming: Is not. This isn't real love. I've felt it. This isn't it. I know the difference.
Siren: Congratulations Prince Charming. You're the first.
Charming: Then she drags me underwater. I see the skeletons of the Siren's prey. I try to swim away, but some water weeds wrap around my legs.
Siren: I swim in for the kill, but Charming finds a dagger on the lake bottom. When I kiss him, he stabs me in the gut.
Charming: As she bleeds out, she regains her own face, thank goodness because while I know she isn't Snow, I cannot watch her die, wearing the face of my own true love, even if I'm not my true love's true love.
Recapper: You worry too much, Charming. That said, I really like that whole siren scene the more I watch it. Charming's struggle to remember what's real -- to resist the illusion, is a lovely echo of David's struggle with the curse, in Storybrooke.
Charming: Who is David?
Audience: He is NO ONE TO US RIGHT NOW!
Back in Storybrooke, Mary arrives home to find David washing her car. It's not exactly a romantic gesture. It's just that someone has spray painted "TRAMP" on it -- in bright red. I get it. In the Enchanted Forest, Mary's car was Hester Prynne. David blathers that he doesn't know who did it or how any of this happened.
Mary: You don't know? Really?
David: I can't control what other people do.
Mary: You can control what you do, you lying liar who lies.
Curse: Muahahahahaha.
David: I can't figure out who told Kathryn.
Mary: Exactly the wrong question. The real question is why didn't you tell her.
David: I thought we could spare her feelings.
Mary: Don't think. You'll strain yourself.
David: I didn't want anyone to get hurt.
Mary: Great job.
David: Can we please get to the picking up the pieces part and the seeing if what we have is love part? That sounds much more fun.
Mary: This isn't love. What we have is something else entirely. What we have is destructive and it has to stop.
David: I reach out to dry her tears. She jerks her head away, so I ask what she means. What are you saying, Mary?
Mary: We shouldn't be together.
Recapper: And then tears stream down David's face.
Audience: Don't think you can cry your way back into our hearts, mister.
Recapper: It kind of works for me.
Network: Here, buy something from our sponsors.
After the break, August hides as he spies on Emma. She returns to her car. Love her boots, but those jeans are so tight as to be unhealthy. She brushes leafs off her car's rear window and notices a familiar red strong box in a puddle underneath. Inside she finds Henry's book (or a reasonable facsimile).
Kathryn visits Regina in her office. She's surprised to find the Mayor tending to her plants. I'm pretty sure someone in the forum, or somewhere, mentioned one of those plants is a meat-eating plant.
Regina: I'm better with plants than people. Why are you here, Kate?
Kathryn: I'm sorry. You're really my BFF. I know you'd never hurt me. I was angry and confused. I snapped. I've been fighting so hard to hold onto David that I've never asked why.
Regina: He's your husband. You love each other. You always have.
Kathryn: Look at this picture of him with Mary. He's never looked at me like that. Not even before his accident.
Regina: Um...Relationships take work.
Kathryn: Have you ever been in love?
Regina: Yes. Once.
Recapper: ...Upon a Time?
Kathryn: Then you're lucky, Regina because I'm starting to understand I haven't been in love. What David and Mary have is real. It's true. My marriage to David was like an illusion.
Henry: It was exactly an illusion. I know. I know. I'm not in this scene.
Kathryn: I don't know how it happened, but I know it wasn't real. I'm going to find that kind of love someday. I'm moving to Boston. If I stay here, I'll never be happy.
Curse: Muahahahaha.
Kathryn: I wrote David and Mary a letter and told them they should be together.
Regina: WHAT?
Kathryn: I can't see him now. Too painful. I'm going to miss you, Regina. You've been a good friend to me. You know, I've always had this irrational fear of living Storybrooke. Isn't that weird?
Audience: Not so much, no.
Regina: Well, maybe this is what you need. Maybe you'll find what you're looking for.
Recapper: But don't count on it.
Back in the Enchanted Forest, David returns to the Gazebo and gives the water to Abigail. She pours it over her golden boy's head. I'd pour it in the helmet's eyeholes, but that's just me. The gold melts away. Frederick stumbles. When he takes off his helmet, we see the gym teacher Kathryn bumped into, when she was storming down the school corridor.
Frederick: Dude. What happened?
Kathryn: It's a good thing he's cute. By the way, meet James -- the one who freed you.
Frederick: I am forever indebted to you.
Charming: Pay me back by walking down the aisle with someone you truly belong with, so that I don't have to marry her. No offense, Abby.
Abigail: None taken, believe me.
Charming: Oh, and on a more practical note, how about a horse and some supplies?
Recapper: What about the horse you road in on?
Audience: You know what he can do with the horse he road in on?
Recapper: Hush now, besides, Charming hasn't done anything wrong.
Audience: Well, he was going to leave Abigail at the altar. He could have at least told her on the QT.
Recapper: If Charming refused to marry Abigail, Charles Widmore was going to kill him. He had no way of knowing Abigail wouldn't be offended and squeal to Midas. It's not like they were ever a love match. He was fleeing for his life.
Audience: Maybe we're getting a little transfer-y.
Recapper: Ya think? Anyhow, Charming has decided he is going after Snow. He babbles on about how true love isn't easy, but it must be fought for because once you find it, it can never be replaced. Sob.
Abigail: How will you know where to find her?
Charming: A little bird helped me track her down before.
Abigail: Make haste because George will come after you once he finds the union of our kingdoms has been ruined. Some people will stop at nothing to destroy the happiness of others.
Queenie: You miss me in this episode, don't you?
Recapper: Actually, I love you, but I'm appreciating the break from both you and Rumpy.
Meanwhile, back in Storybrooke, remember those keys Emma saw in Regina's office? Apparently they open all the Storybrooke doors. Regina lets herself into David's place and takes the letter Kathryn left for him. Commercial.
Henry's waiting on a bench outside his school, when Emma finds him. She smiles when she sees him playing "Space Paranoids" on his handheld because she loved it, when she was a kid.
Henry: Am I really in this scene? Cool. Anyhow, my mother is picking me up in five minutes.
Emma: Okay. I just want to give you a surprise. Here's your book!
Henry: You found it?
Emma: Yeah, in a gutter. It must have fallen off a dump truck because I am certainly not going to believe that drinking magic wishing well water returned it to me.
Henry: Maybe our luck is changing. It's a sign. Things are going to be better. Operation Cobra is totally back on. Maybe I'll even be in a few more scenes, week.
Recapper: Actually, honey, the show is taking a week off. It returns March 4th.
Henry: Isn't that your birthday?
Recapper: How do you know that?
Henry: It's in the book.
Recapper: Lemme see that thing!
Henry: No. I wouldn't want to taint you with spoilers.
Recapper: Darn it.
As Henry opens his book, we return to the Enchanted Forest. Charming rides off in search of Snow White. When he sees Red, she tells him Snow is gone.
Red: She never came back after she went to find you.
Charming: Then I'll find her. I will always find her. It's like our thing. And once I find her, I will fight for her love.
Red: Won't be much of a fight. Snow wants to be with you more than anything.
Charming: Don't mock me. She doesn't love me.
Red: Are you on drugs? She left here to break up your wedding because she loves you -- unless something changed her mind along the way.
Charming: Not something, someone.
Recapper: Meanwhile, George and his men approach -- on horseback.
King George: Bring me his head.
Recapper: Charming puts Red on the back of his horse. They ride off.
Mary: Back in Storybrooke, I'm lying on my bed -- crying my eyes out.
Emma: You feel like talking about it yet?
Mary: Nope.
Emma: You wanna be alone?
Mary: Nope.
Recapper: Emma lies down on the other side of Mary's bed. I start crying. Back in Regina's office, Madame Mayor opens a drawer. We see a can of red spray paint. What a witch. Anyhow, she takes out Kathryn's letter and a lighter.
Cut to Kathryn. She smiles as she starts to drive off. Back in her office, Regina sets fire to the letter. Kathryn approaches the town line. The letter burns; Regina tosses it in the fireplace. Frederick drives down the road. He finds Kathryn's car at the town line. The air bag has deployed but the car is empty. Frederick looks around. Letter burns. We close on Regina's face.
I realize I've gone on just about long enough, but I'm trying to remember something. Didn't we see that scene with Charming and Red, before? But wasn't it different? Why can't I remember? Wait. I have TiVo and recaps. Let me check. Ah, yes, it was at the end of "7:15 AM," which the lovely Lulu Bates covered for me. That's why it's not so clear in my mind. Here. Let's let revisit the first version of the Charming-finds-Red scene.
Lulu Bates Recap: Prince James rides through the fields shouting for Snow White. Red Riding Hood comes out of the woods where she loiters indefinitely on the off chance a prince needs a message delivered. She tells him that Snow never came back after her trip to the castle. Prince James loudly declares, "Then I will find her! I will always find her." And Red smiles and pats him on the hand because she knows a thing or two.
The story is changing, my friends. I suspect that August knows it. He may have caused it, or at least it seems he has restored magic to Henry's book. When Henry lost the book, he made copious notes of everything he could remember about it. He'll be sure to notice the changes, right?
Henry: I hope so because that means more screen time, for me!
Recapper: Say goodnight to the nice people.
Henry: Goodnight, nice people! Goodnight other people who are more like Regina, in that you don't love me, which means you have a sucking hole where your heart should be! Goodnight moon!
Recapper: Okay, kiddo, that's enough.
Episode 1-14, "Dreamy" airs Sunday, March 4, 2012. I'll be back on March 5th with a cake hangover, and my recaplet. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the forum, but don't drink the water.