In the Enchanted Forest: Grumpy hatches from an egg that's been hit with a fairy dust spill, courtesy of clumsy fledgling fairy Nova (Amy Acker). It's sort of a HazMat situation. I'll explain that in the full recap. Anyhow, Nova really wants to be a fairy godmother, but grows discouraged when the Blue Boob Fairy tells her that's going to take a lot of time and work.
Grumpy and his newly hatched siblings receive their pick-axes. They are named when their names magically appear on the handles. Grumpy's name is actually Dreamy, not Grumpy, at least at first. Even though in our Fairy Tale World all dwarves are male, are hatched from eggs, and don't fall in love, Dreamy falls hard for Nova. It takes a clue-sticking from Belle for him to realize why he feels so out of sorts.
Nova and Dreamy decide to run away together and sail around the world. On his way to meet her, he runs into his foreman, Bossy, who tells him dwarves can't love. The Blue Boob Fairy chimes in that it's true; his love is only a dream, not real. If Nova takes off with him, she'll lose her wings and never become the fairy godmother she is meant to be.
Dreamy finds Nova waiting for him at their spot on Firefly Hill, and tells her they can't be together. Nova tries to convince him that they can take control of their own lives, but he says he refuses to stand in the way of her happiness. She tells him he is her happiness, but he says, "Dwarves can't love," and leaves her.
Back in the mines, Dreamy is bitter, like you are when you listen to stupid people who say you can't love when you clearly can. While working, he breaks his axe. When he's given a new one, the name Grumpy appears on the handle.
Meanwhile in Storybrooke, the Enchanted Forest fairies are nuns. Oh Regina, that curse really is evil, isn't it? The Blue Boob Fairy is Mother Superior, naturally. Astrid is as clumsy in this world as she was in the other, and accidentally orders 12 dozen helium tanks rather than 12. The nuns can't return the tanks and get their money back, so they now can't pay their rent to Mr. Gold.
Leroy (Grumpy) meets Sister Astrid (Nova) and is smitten. He tells her he'll help her sell candles to raise money for their rent. He and Mary Margaret team up -- the town drunk and the town harlot -- but have little success. At first, Leroy lies to Astrid that he sold all the candles. He tries to sell his boat to Mr. Gold, but when Gold finds out Leroy wants the money to help the nuns, it's a no-go. Gold can't wait to evict his tenants. Let's just say there's history there. I hope it involves the fairies softening his Rumpelstiltskin countenance from the Dark One, to the silly dilly he comes to be.
Eventually, Leroy confesses to Astrid that he was unable to sell the candles. But then, on the night of the Miner's Day festival, Leroy slams his pick-axe into the electrical transformer and puts out the lights. When Mary asks him what he's doing, he says, "Selling candles, sister." The candles sell out. The convent is saved. I am tired.
I haven't even gotten to Emma's investigation into Kathryn's disappearance, the "evidence" against David, or Mary Margaret's shame. I'll hit that all in the full recap, which will be up ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the forum, where we're lighting candles for you.