We open, yet again, in the kitchen of Manning Manor. Zoe whines that she needs money for a field trip, and proceeds to help herself to Lily's wallet. Lily rushes over to monitor how much the kid is taking, while Grace admonishes, "Zoe! You can't just go into people's purses without asking!" Because Grace is the only one allowed such freedoms. Lily hands Zoe a ten and then heads for the laundry room, nagging Grace because she hasn't taken out the recycling yet. Lily hefts the paper box, spilling magazines all over the floor, as Grace races into the room, gritting that she's still going to do it. She promptly forgets all about the recycling, though, as she spots a girlie mag on the floor and scoops it up. She strolls into the kitchen, flipping open the Playpal to examine its contents. Lily makes a grab for the rag from behind, but Grace eludes her, defiantly refusing to part with it. She unfolds the centerfold, muttering, "Oh my god, is this Eli's?" Jessie's intrigued now, and leaves her cereal to get soggy so she can partake of the peep show. Lily makes another mad grab, but Grace and Jessie start an impromptu game of Keep Away the Nudies. Rick walks in and snatches the magazine from Jessie's prying eyes. He's about to take a peek himself when Lily, head of the morality police, grabs the contraband from him with an offended "hey!" Grace informs Lily that it isn't anything they haven't seen before. Shocked, Lily wants to know where they've seen it. How about every day in the mirror in the bathroom, for starters? Grace says that the stuff is "all over the place." She points to the magazine and adds, "Anyway, at least that's honest. It's all the models in the women's magazines that are really pornographic." Lily ponders this wisdom, while Rick nods his head, thinking it may get him another glimpse at that Playpal.
Lily grabs Rick's arm and drags him into the other room. She slaps her hand against the magazine, saying, "I presume this is Eli's." Rick takes it from her for identification purposes, saying, "Well, let me have another look." Heh. Lily's wise to him in a second, though, and snags it away from him. Rick says he presumes that it is Eli's. Lily asks if Rick will talk to him. "About what?" Rick asks. Double heh. Lily doesn't want to admit that she's a heavy, so she hints around the issue, saying that Eli shouldn't leave the magazines lying around. Rick points out that it was pretty well hidden in the recycling box. And just how did he know that, hmmm? Lily rolls her eyes, pissed that he's left her no choice but to admit that she "hates these magazines." Rick's learned a thing or two by now, and asks, "Has anyone ever told you you're beautiful when you're prudish?"
Soliloquy Lily purrs, "Sex? Oh, sex is incredibly...[sucking in her breath] when you're having it. It's usually not enough, because you have to make it happen. Who wants to make sex happen?" I'm assuming that's a rhetorical question, so we'll just move along.
Rick pulls Lily in for a kiss, as some Muzak jazz kicks up. Because nothing stirs the passions like elevator music. "I miss you," he sighs. "You do?" she asks. She says they'll have to do something about it. "Soon, I hope," Rick whispers. They glance toward their brood in the kitchen.
Soliloquy Lily, arms folded, declares, "It's supposed to just be there, because two people are so incredibly attracted to each other." Sheeyah. Reality, this is Lily. Lily, Reality.
Soliloquy Rick weighs in with this bold statement: "Sex? I'm in favor of it."
Cut to Rick rifling through a bookshelf at his office. Sam saunters in, and Rick asks how his lunch with Sondra went. And by "lunch," he means...well, you know what he means. Sam slimes that they had lunch and then went to sit in her car in the parking garage. Classy. Grinning like a fratboy, he informs Rick that "Sondra is a very verbal girl. We had a very verbal...exchange." Rick takes the words right out of my mouth, informing Sam that he hates him. He wonders what he's supposed to say if Judy asks him what's happening with Sam. Sam assures Rick that Judy won't ask after him, "because she's not feeling too charitable towards [him] at the moment." Rick asks why not. Sam says Judy knows what he's up to. "Does it bother you to be a cliché?" Rick asks. Go Rick! Sam says he "prefers to think of [himself] as an archetype acting out [his] deeply embedded instinctive imperative --" "To be an ass?" Rick demands. I'd add another "go Rick" here, but that would probably throw the cosmos out of alignment or something. The fact that Rick's been on-screen for two scenes in a row is enough to wreak some serious havoc. Sam sarcastically runs through a few psychological explanations for his caddish behavior, and dismisses each of them in turn, finally landing on the explanation that what he's doing "feels good." He says he hasn't felt this good in ten years, and he doesn't know why he has to stop, "except that it disturbs the universe of every married person [he] know[s]." Not to mention the stomach contents of everyone who has to listen to his braying. Rick gives him a contemptuous look and walks away.
Cut to Booklovers, where Karen is furtively flipping through a title in the Erotica section. Judy startles her with a "hello," and Karen guiltily slams the book closed and clutches it to her chest. "What is this?" Karen whispers, pointing toward the shelf with a naughty expression. Judy smiles wryly and says that she's supporting the First Amendment, and besides, it's fun to watch people skulking around the shelf as if "no one else is fascinated by sex."
Soliloquy Karen says, "In the beginning, Rick thought I was less interested in sex than he was, which was totally untrue. I was just...less comfortable, that's all. Later, of course, he got less interested in sex than I was."
Karen slips her book back onto the shelf, saying, "Well, we're a puritanical country, aren't we?" Judy smiles and says they've "got all kinds of guilt: Protestant, Catholic, Jewish. We're very ecumenical." Karen glances at the shelf and says that Leo would love it: "He didn't know the meaning of the word [sic] 'sexual guilt.'" Judy smiles, "Good for Leo." Karen actually smiles, too, and jokes, "Yeah, good for me, too." Judy asks whether Karen has seen him lately. Karen sadly says that she hasn't in more than a year.
"The more you have, the more you want. The less you have, the less...you think about it," Soliloquy Karen philosophizes. It's called a vibrator, Karen. Look into it.
Soliloquy Judy is exactly the opposite. She says, "I think I'm kind of like a guy about sex. Like, if a certain amount of time goes by without it, I start to go crazy." It's called a vibrator, Judy. Look into it.
Back at the bookstore, Judy gives Karen an appraising smile and a "hmmm." "What?" Karen asks. Judy takes her by the arm and says that Karen should come out with her some time. Judy says she knows a great place. Karen stops and holds up her arms, protesting, "Not like a bar." Judy says it's not unlike a bar. Karen says, "Just the thought of meeting someone in a place like that..." Judy offers a snippet of perspective: "Karen, it's not a crack house." Judy promises they'll just get dressed up, have a drink, and do some dancing. "Oh, female bonding ritual," Karen says, warming to the idea. "Exactly," Judy assures her, promising, "We'll stop off at the crack house on the way home." Their laughter carries us into commercials.
Jessie's up on the Stool when we return. "Kids talk about sex all the time," she says with a shrug, adding, "Truthfully, I still think it's gross." Which, I'd like to say, is not all that strange, considering she's fourteen.
Cut to Jessie walking down the hallway at school. Tad races to catch up to her as she reaches her locker. Lamely, he tells her that she looks really good in her costume. Jessie complains that it doesn't even fit her, and that the dress rehearsal is in three days. "At least you know your lines," Tad says. He's promptly attacked by some girl who flings herself onto his back. Apparently, he knows her. Tad introduces the girl, Katie, who's got a total Heather Graham vibe happening. Katie hangs off Tad's shoulder and tells Jessie that she was incredible in rehearsal the day before. Jessie's not quite sure what to make of this monkey girl, but thanks her anyway. Katie says that Jessie should be in a band. She shoves Tad's shoulder and asks, "So, can she come over Saturday?" Tad grits his teeth and mutters that he hasn't asked yet. He shoves Katie, and she pushes him back. They start play-wrestling as Katie tells Jessie that some people are coming to her place Saturday night. She squeals that Tad wanted to ask Jessie to come, but that he wasn't sure she had fun at the last party. Tad ends his humiliation by cutting Katie off to ask Jessie if she wants to come. He adds that Katie's house is disgusting. Katie shoves him out of the way to protest that her house is "very tasteful." Tad offers to pick Jessie up, and she stammers her agreement. Tad and Katie both say "cool," and then take off down the hall. Slightly overwhelmed, Jessie watches as Katie throws herself onto Tad's back again, and he piggybacks her around the corner. With any luck, they'll run into a wall of Ritalin.
Cut to Rick and Sam at an outdoor newsstand, perusing magazines. They're still talking about Sam's parking-garage tryst with Sondra. "So she just asked you to come down to her car like that, with no excuses?" Rick asks. He sops up his drool with a couple of french fries. "Isn't this younger generation brazen?" Sam asks with mock disapproval. Rick mutters that he'd "sure like to be seduced like that." Sam says he thought Lily and Rick were still all over each other. Rick stammers, "We are. We were. We still are, sort of, I guess." Sam pulls out a magazine and flatly implies they're in a lull because they're married. Rick insists that marriage has nothing to do with it. Sam throws his head back, opens his mouth wide, and lets loose an overly hearty chuckle. Where's a pigeon when you need one? Rick tells Sam to shut up. Multiple times. He then changes the subject back to Sam's vehicular rendezvous, saying, "So, you get back to the car, and then what, exactly, happens?" "What, are you a degenerate, or something?" Sam wants to know. He points Rick toward the porn section to satisfy his needs. Rick says he'll "get in trouble" for reading that stuff, but he can't help glancing in its general direction.
"Judy!" Rick exclaims. Sam freezes, and slowly turns his head. There's Judy, all right, browsing through the magazines. Apparently, her own bookstore doesn't sell them or something. Sam smiles and walks over to talk to her, looking a little awkward. He says, "I wasn't supposed to call you, so I didn't." He quickly adds that he wanted to. Judy stammers that she understands. After a second, he asks how she is. She smiles and says that she's "tired of answering that question." He says he's tired of asking it. Sam tries to work up his nerve, and finally gets around to saying, "We don't belong together. That's fine. However, um...I think about you a lot. And I've been deluding myself, maybe, into thinking that you think about me, too, just a little bit." Judy grudgingly confesses, "Occasionally." Sam stammers around, asking if there's maybe a way they could "put [their] eyes on one another, without being together, so there isn't a complete blackout. You know, middle ground." Judy surveys his face and says she doesn't know what he means. He simplifies: "Friends." After a pause, he adds, "Friends who are, unfortunately, very very attracted to each other." Judy mulls it over, acting overly standoffish, and finally says she could "you know, think about that." Sam says he'll call her, but that he'll make sure that she's not home so she doesn't have to talk to him, and can decide if she wants to call him back. Judy smiles, giving him the goo eyes. Sam smiles and cocks his head, looking very pleased with himself. Rick, who's been watching them intently while munching his fries, quickly looks back at the magazines. The dirty little voyeur can't help glancing again, though.
"Fantasies?" Soliloquy Rick asks. He stammers self-consciously for a second and then says that he fantasizes about Lily. "I do!" he insists. How sad is it that a guy feels like he has to defend fantasizing about his wife?
Cut to Rick in bed, peeking from behind his biography of John Adams. The Muzak jazz kicks up again as the camera follows his gaze to the bathroom, where we can see Lily through a filmy curtain. Silhouetted, she removes her shirt. Rick stares and swallows hard.
Soliloquy Rick continues, "It started when we were first dating, and she, uh, decided to stop seeing me. Apparently, I can only fantasize about women I can't have." Is this the part where I'm supposed to roll my eyes and say, "Just like all men"?
Lily climbs into bed in her t-shirt, complaining that she's "so tired" and wondering if Rick thinks there could be something wrong with her. "Definitely," Dr. Rick purrs, moving closer for an examination. Lily flops back on the pillow, muttering, "Maybe I'm anemic." She closes her eyes and sighs with exhaustion. Rick props himself on an elbow and stares down at her, waiting for her eyes to open. When they don't, he starts kissing her neck. Lily groans appreciatively for a second, but then bolts upright, blurting, "Oh my God!" in a pissed voice. She's just remembered that she's supposed to call the mom of one of Zoe's friends. She clicks on the lamp and starts rummaging through the bedside table for the phone number, while Rick bites his lip against the throbbing pain in his groin.
Soliloquy Rick continues, "It's just a picture, really. She's wearing this shirt she had then, with nothing else on, and she's looking at me."
Lily slams the drawer shut, remembering that the number is downstairs. She pops out of bed, thinks twice about the long trek to the kitchen, and decides she'll take care of it in the morning. She crawls back into bed, where Rick is still looking at her, silently begging. "What?" she asks. "Nothing," he says.
Soliloquy Rick: "It's just this look on her face. Like she is going to change my world -- turn it upside down -- and all I have to do is sit back and enjoy it."
Yeah, well, keep dreaming pal, because it's clearly not happening tonight. Eyes closed, Lily mutters that she should join a gym. She yawns, adding that she's been "so tired lately." Rick strokes her jaw affectionately, still holding out hope. Lily rubs her face and sighs. Rick finally concedes defeat with a disappointed little "oh." Lily looks over and groans, "Oh, honey." Rick assures her that it's okay. "Oh, is it? Thank you," she says quickly, already closing her eyes. She pops her eyes open and looks at him again, offering, "I mean, if you just want to..." Rick quickly says, "No, no, no." She thanks him again and repeats that she's so tired she doesn't even think she could say goodnight. Rick points out that she just did. Rolling over, Lily chuckles and says, "Yeah, I guess I did." She rolls back to give him a quick kiss and then moves to her side of the bed. Rick shuts off the light, kicking himself for putting Eli's mag back in the recycling bin. It's going to be a long night.
After the break, we're in the kitchen of Manning Manor. Jessie and Grace are at the breakfast table when Eli stumbles in, half asleep. "Good morning, Eli," Grace chirps. "Do you need any reading materials?" Jessie asks sweetly. "Excuse me?" Eli says, totally not getting it. Lily smiles indulgently from the corner. "Well, we wouldn't want to deprive you of stimulation," Grace smirks. Jessie sniggers, and Eli asks what they're talking about. Jessie hands a fashion magazine to Grace, and the two start commenting on the girls in it, asking Eli's opinion. "Did I miss something?" he asks Lily. Lily shoots the girls a pointed look and says, "Grace and Jessie are going to be missing something if they don't get their rear ends out of here." The girls are too busy squealing and giggling over the magazine to notice. They finally find a spread with a naked girl draped face-first over something. Grace asks if Eli likes her "bah-day," and Jessie shrieks, "She's really built!" They scream with laughter and run out as Eli grabs the magazine from them. He looks at the picture, disappointed at its relative tameness, and mumbles, "What the heck was that about?" Lily says, "They're just acting like teenage girls." Eli's already forgotten it, and walks out of the kitchen. Rick pours himself a coffee and takes a seat at the counter with an amused grin. "I thought you were going to talk to him," Lily nags. Rick asks what there is to talk about. "It's weird having those magazines in my house," Lily complains. Rick wants to know if Eli's supposed to look at them in the street. Lily tsks and whines that it's "just about the girls." Rick flips through the paper and says that Eli didn't leave them out for Jessie and Grace to see. Lily says Rick has "no idea what kind of pressure girls are under today." Rick puts down the paper and insists, "I am not going to make this boy feel guilty about his sexuality." Oh my god, yet another "Go Rick." This is a record or something. Lily asks, "Does he know those girls don't really look like that? [whispering] They're all airbrushed." Rick assures her that Eli understands. "Do you?" she demands. Rick gives her a saucy look and says, "Sometimes." Lily tsks again, and says, "Boys. You probably buy those magazines yourself." Rick gives her an even cheekier look and teases, "Wouldn't you like to know." He gets up to come around behind her, as she says she'd hate to think he "had someone else in mind besides" her. Rick kisses the top of her head and assures her that she's "more than enough" for him. He swats her ass with the newspaper for emphasis.
Meanwhile, someone's threatening to knock the door down at Judy's. She finds a smiling Sam standing there with a bag of take-out. She thanks him for bringing lunch as he drops the bag on the table and surveys the place like he's forgotten what it looks like. Fade to the two of them at her living-room table, munching subs and bantering back and forth about some game they both played as kids. Sam refuses to believe that she ever played "Camelot" because no chicks ever played it. Judy says she "had an older brother," and challenges Sam by promising that she could kick his ass. He insists that she doesn't know how to play, and he's "going to find that game and show [her]!" He wags his finger menacingly. Judy imitates the finger wave and mocks, "Oh yeah? What are you going to show me?" They posture a bit more, until Sam's eyes soften and he reaches a finger toward her mouth, saying, "You have a little...you have some hot..." He moves in as if to kiss it away, but Judy pulls out of reach with a playful look. "You've got to be kidding," he says. "Sorry," she says, not sounding sorry at all. "We have to be able to kiss," he insists. She wants to know why. "Because the energy required not to kiss you could just be too great," Sam smarms. Judy's wearing her Teflon undies, though, and his shtick bounces right off. "That's so sweet," she says, nonchalantly. He tries to argue that "kissing is inconsequential," but Judy says that if she kissed Sam, she wouldn't be able to stop. He thinks about this for a second, then asks, "Who came up with this idea, anyway?" Judy smiles, pleased with herself, and takes a big bite of her sub.
Cut to Jessie sitting in a French lab. Katie plops into a chair to her and whispers, "Tad really likes you!" Jessie laughs shyly and pulls off her headphones. "He likes new people every week," Katie adds. She realizes she sounds like an asshole and quickly puts her hand on Jessie's saying, "Not to diminish his liking of you." Jessie smiles. Katie leans forward and asks if she can ask Jessie something: "Do you feel like you fit anywhere in this school?" Jessie stares at her for a second, struggling to comprehend how this question just came out of her mouth. Katie acts embarrassed and says, "Was that a totally weird question to ask? I think that was a totally weird question to ask." Jessie says it wasn't, and sighs, "I don't know." After a second, she says, "No, the answer is definitely not." She and Katie chuckle. Katie says, "I don't know why I felt like I could ask that. Maybe because I felt like I knew the answer." Jessie looks at her admiringly for a moment and says, "You totally fit at this school." Katie laughs it off, saying, "You don't even know me." Jessie says she sees her around, "talking to, like, a hundred different people." Katie clarifies, "A hundred different people always talk to me." They're interrupted by the French teacher, who asks if Katie is interrupting "Miss Sammler." Katie sweetly says she is and, with a smile, takes off. Jessie looks down, embarrassed. She looks up when she knows it's safe, and watches Katie walk away.
Cut to Booklovers, where Judy is adding Polaroids of some new singles to the board. Lily pops her head around the board and asks, "When did you do this?" She draws her head back, so we can see she's referring to the Erotica section. Judy teases, "Just before I got indicted for transporting minors across state lines for immoral purposes." Lily runs her hand over the spines, saying they're beautiful books, and she "could use some of them, apparently." She follows Judy over to a couch and flings her purse down onto it. Judy asks what's wrong, and Lily sighs that nothing is. Sinking into a chair, she reveals, "I need to embrace my inner pornographer." "Whoa, nice work if you can get it," Judy says. Lily asks whether men secretly want women to be like the ones they see in magazines. "I think half of them would die of fright if we were," Judy smiles. "Lily, it's fantasy. Don't you have fantasies?" Lily turns her head away, musing, "I guess."
"Fantasies?" Soliloquy Lily laughs. She covers her mouth but can't hide her smile. She reminisces about one she used to have, which involved sitting on an airplane, and this man gets on...
"But you at least forgive him when he doesn't live up to your fantasies," Judy says. Lily doesn't turn her head, but casts her eyes sideways at Judy, obviously biting her tongue.
"He has this deep voice, and I can feel it through the seat," Soliloquy Lily sighs. She stiffens and says abruptly, "Never mind." She zips her lips and stares defiantly at the camera. She gives her head little shake.
At Booklovers, Lily is striding away, with Judy hot on her heels asking if everything is okay. "Yeah, of course. We're just having a little -- our first little...Judy, you know when you're dating, you're in love, and you see each other only three nights a week? You pretty much know when you're going to have sex," Lily explains. "And?" "And, when you move in together, there's all these things you have to work out. Like when are you going to have sex? Who initiates it? What happens when one person wants it and the other doesn't?" "Sounds like too much work," Judy frowns. Lily agrees. She confesses, "Last night, we were supposed to have sex --" "Wait, you were 'supposed to' have sex?" Judy asks. Lily doesn't dignify that, but continues, "I forgot. But I really think that I was avoiding it, and I'm not sure why." Judy asks if Lily's mad at Rick. She's not. Lily thinks about it, trying to find the words, and explains, "I guess I want something from him, you know, some energy that takes me out of the life stuff? And I feel like I'm always the one who has to make that happen, and it feels like...Jake and me. And that's scary. And I don't want to go down that same path again." Judy thinks it over for a second and then dispenses this little gem: "Well, tomorrow's a new night." She gives Lily an encouraging smile and walks out of the room, leaving Lily looking vulnerable and on the verge of tears.
Later that night, the Muzak jazz is slinking around the bedroom along with Lily, who's in a silk robe. She slips off the robe and stares at Rick, who's reading in bed. She crawls onto the bed like a cat, eyeing him suggestively. "Hey," he says softly, when she crawls up to his shoulder. She peeks at the book and kisses his cheek, moving down to his neck. Rick heaves a sigh and keeps reading. Lily looks up and tries again. "I love your profile," she whispers, trailing her fingertip down the slope of his nose and tracing his lips. "You do? What do you think about my profile?" he mutters distractedly. She purrs that it's beautiful and bats her eyes at him, waiting for him to look up at her. He finally does, but it's only to ask, "What?" Rebuffed, she rolls her eyes and grits, "What a great profile you have." Rick glances back at his book and pleads for just one more second. He holds up his finger and thumb to show her how little text he has left to read. She stares at him in disbelief. "It's okay," she huffs. He promises he'll "be done in two seconds." She repeats that it's okay, already retreating under the duvet. Rick skims the rest of his page, his lips moving as he reads (I swear), and then marks his page with an "okay." He turns his attention to Lily, who's doing her best impression of a fish stick, just lying there. As soon as he moves toward her, she silently rolls over to show him her back. Youch. "I told you it would just be a few seconds," he says softly, pressing his lips to her shoulder. "It's okay," she says flatly. She pulls out the "tired" excuse again, and he asks, "You're really tired?" She mutters that she is, and he says, "Go to sleep, then." "Okay," she says, and clicks off her lamp. He gives her a quick peck, and she returns it. He retreats to his side of the bed, casting a second, questioning glance at her back. She stares straight ahead, gnashing her teeth and wanting to shove his book into a painfully tight orifice. We head to commercials, and not a moment too soon.
After the break, we join Rick and Sam at the office, where they're going over sketches. Sam's in the middle of a muse about hotels, and how they're synonymous with "sex." At the end, Rick sips his coffee and declares, "You are very sick." Sam thanks him. "Are you seeing Judy?" Rick asks abruptly. Sam throws down the papers and asks why Rick's always on him about that. "Because I always assume that you are," Rick answers. Sam says he isn't seeing Judy "in the Biblical sense," to which Rick responds with a dubious "ha." Sam insists that, given his "current state of immaturity, [they] just think it's the best thing not to sleep together." Rick mutters that he's shocked. Sam decides to turn up the heat under Rick's ass, and asks how things are with him and Lily. Rick folds his arms and says, "Who asked you?" Sam says that he did. "Well, I am not answering you," Rick says. After a pause, Sam laughs knowingly and says, "Okay." Rick realizes he just gave away too much, and scrambles to correct Sam's perception. Sam cuts him off to let him know he understands: "You get married to someone, and then suddenly they're not the person you want to chase anymore, and then somehow, and since you can't chase them, you can't want them in the same way anymore." Rick butts in to tell Sam he has it all wrong -- that he wants Lily, he just can't seem to have her lately. Sam absorbs this and "hmmm"s thoughtfully. "What?" Rick demands. Sam wrinkles his brow and says, "Now, which wife of Rick's does this remind me of?" He walks away, pretending to be deep in thought, and leaving Rick to pull faces.
Cut to Karen's place, where she and Jessie are getting ready for their respective nights out. Karen calls out to Jessie from the living room, and Jessie wanders in, blurting, "What are you wearing?" when she sees her mother. Karen is decked out in a royal blue lace shirt with matching bra. It has two of those stupid little waist straps that tie in the back. Jessie obligingly ties them while Karen tugs on her boots, asking, "What, I'm not allowed to look nice?" I think it's more that you're not allowed to go out looking like you raided one of those cut-price clothing stores that populate the basements of shopping malls. "I don't know if 'nice' is the word," Jessie teases. Karen tells her to "shut up and let [her] mother make a fool of herself once in a while." Jessie laughs and asks where Karen is going. Karen puts in an earring and says, "Uh, out with some friends." Jessie asks if it's a date. Karen quickly says she's "just going out with Judy, that's all." She adds, "You're the only one in the house going on a date." Jessie stops applying her lip gloss to tell Karen that "it's not a date." Karen puts up her hands for peace and teases, "Okay, okay, okay! A party -- excuse me! -- that he's taking you to." She gives Jessie a kiss while the kid protests. Karen tells her to be home by eleven. "Yes, ma'am. And when are you going to be home?" Jessie asks. Karen grabs her chin affectionately, saying, "You know what? I have no idea." She looks positively thrilled about it. The ass-pole must not be back from its Thanksgiving holiday yet.
"Bye," Grace calls to Lily as she tugs on her coat. Lily looks up from the living room to ask where she's going. "To Lynn Sterpoli's," Grace answers. Lily asks if "Lynn Sterpoli's parents" are going to be there. Grace sighs, rolls her eyes, and snarks, "No, they're in prison." Lily starts to ask what time Grace will be home, but Grace cuts her off with "Eleven," before Lily can finish. The little snot then grabs her purse and sails out the door. Lily wanders over to the couch and sinks into it with a luxurious sigh. "Listen," she says to Rick. He doesn't hear anything. "Silence," she says, rhyming off where each of the kids is. "We're free," she concludes. Rick doesn't look up from his book as he asks, "And what should we do about this strange occurrence?" "Something illicit," Lily hisses seductively. Rick looks up from his book.
Cut to a crowded club, where Judy is guiding Karen through a sea of young, leather-clad urbanites. The ass-pole seems to have caught up with them on the way to the bar; it's well-rested and ready to get back to work. "Is it me, or have these places gotten louder?" Karen asks, jamming a finger into one ear. Judy teases her by pretending to be deaf. Karen complains that "everyone looks like they're fifteen!" A guy backs into them in front of the bar. He apologizes and asks, in a crisp English accent, "Is it just me, or is everyone in this room fifteen?" Judy can't believe the coincidence, smiling widely and saying Karen just said the same thing. He looks at her like she's simple and says he knows; he heard her. Judy giggles. I don't like Bar Judy. He surveys the room, griping that it "used to be a nice, boring old mutual-fund crowd." Judy asks what it is now. "The end of civilization? I don't know," he says. Oh, he's sooo superior. So why is he there? He asks Judy, "Does your friend speak, or does she have a medical condition?" Judy elbows Karen, who stammers, "Oh, I, I, I can speak." "And very well, too," BritSnot says. He introduces himself as Stephen, and Judy and Karen follow. He offers to get them a drink, and Karen says no. Judy, however, immediately says, "Martinis." BritSnot insists they can only have "real martinis," not those "apple cosmopolitan things." Ugh, he's obnoxious. And I happen to like apple martinis and cosmos. A little too much, sometimes, but that's a story for another day. While he's busy at the bar ordering their "real" drinks, Judy pumps Karen about him, saying he's "so cute." Karen's not that impressed, and rightfully so, I might add.
Meanwhile, the scene is pretty different in Marriedville. Lily's cuddled up to Rick on the couch, eating pizza squares and watching what appears to be Legends of the Fall. We get a quick flash of Brad Pitt on the screen, and Lily murmurs something about him being cute. Rick mutters that he has a crush on him, and Lily tells him to shut up. Rick glances down and asks whether Lily's almost finished eating. She asks why. "Because I'd really rather move upstairs," he says. She asks why. "Because then you wouldn't be cutting off the circulation to half my body," he says. "Oh, really," she grits, straightening up and tickling his gut. He tickles her back and starts trying to feed the pizza to her. Lily's laughing quickly stops. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" she snaps. She shoves away his arm, muttering, "You'll mess up the couch." She turns her attention back to Mr. Pitt and snuggles into Rick's armpit again. Rick grunts and weasels his arm out from under her. She asks if he's okay. He doesn't take his eyes of the TV, but murmurs, "Sure. Yeah." Lily picks up a pepperoni and sadly looks at Rick.
Back at the club, BritSnot has taken a table with Judy and Karen. He asks, "Is she, like, the most beautiful public-interest lawyer in Chicago?" Karen gives him an "oh please," glances at Judy, and says she has to be going home. Judy mockingly warns BritSnot not to compliment Karen, and Karen leans across the table to plead that she is really, really tired. They urge her to have one more drink. The ass-pole hiccups, and Karen rolls her eyes and relents with a smile. The ass-pole belches and groggily tries to nudge Karen. She tells them that she's leaving right after the drink. "Oh, yes ma'am!" they tease.
Over at the party, Jessie's with Tad, asking where everybody is. He flips the stereo from cheesy pop to super-deluxe cheesy pop, and follows her over to the sofa. Jessie keeps her arms folded tightly and moves over to a shelf of knickknacks rather than sit to him. He asks if she wants to sit, patting the cushion to him. She plunks herself on the far end of the couch. "Jess, you know I really like you, right?" he asks. He slides closer and moves a finger through her hair. Eww, he's like those guys in the date-rape movies they show in girls' Phys Ed. Jessie seems to agree with my assessment; she clenches and says she likes him, too. Tad moves closer, slipping his arm along the couch behind her and cornering her against the seat back. Jesus, I'm claustrophobic just watching his bad moves. He kisses her, pushing her back into the couch. Jessie tells him to wait. He doesn't. She pushes him and protests, "Tad, wait!" "Hey!" Katie says from the doorway. Tad jumps away from Jessie, and Katie gives him a knowing stare. She says they're "making a food run. Jess, want to come?" Jessie almost pees her pants with relief and can't jump off the couch fast enough. Katie shoots Tad a snide look, and says, "Why don't you get a life while we're gone?"
At the club, Karen returns from the ladies' room to ask Judy if she got her credit card back. Judy looks up from signing her slip to fake that she hasn't yet. Karen says she'll wait for her, but Judy quickly says that BritSnot can walk Karen to her car. Karen's not thrilled with the idea, but BritSnot is all over it. Judy kisses his cheek goodnight and pointedly says she hopes to see him again. She must be loaded. She kisses Karen's cheek and whispers, "And you, darlin', call me tomorrow." Karen glowers and promises, "Yes, I shall." Judy smiles as she sends her friend off with a virtual stranger. She turns back to the club, and her eyes register surprise as she spots Sam sucking back a few at the bar. She sidles over and leans her elbows on the bar to him, growling, "Hey sailor, what brings you to a place like this?" Sam turns, happy to see her, and says he was going to ask her the same thing. They grin at one another.
Karen, meanwhile, is doing that awkward walk through the parking lot, pretending to be interested in what BritSnot is talking about. Some crap about winter in Chicago, and how cold it is. She says no one in Chicago likes winter. "Are you sure? Have you taken a poll?" he asks. She says she hasn't. He laughs, and she realizes he was kidding. She's embarrassed -- not by his lame-ass humor, but because she missed the joke. She apologizes for being such bad company, but he interrupts to insist that she's great to be with. They reach her car, and he asks if she would like to get a cup of coffee somewhere. She hedges, saying she really should get home. He says, "Of course," but adds, "You know, you could be getting home a half-hour later, and it wouldn't be so bad." Karen stares into his eyes and stammers that she knows. He touches her chin, then leans down and starts kissing her. The ass-pole passed out, like, ten minutes ago, so Karen's on her own. She kisses him back. When they stop, he breathes, "You are absolutely the most beautiful public-interest lawyer in Chicago." "I have to go home," she responds.
Over at Manning Manor, Lily and Rick are in bed. He's still reading about dead presidents, and she's busy doing some kind of paperwork. She sets it aside, clicks off her lamp, and settles into bed. She reaches over and laces her fingers through his. Rick looks at their hands for a second, then slides toward her to kiss her neck. Lily lies there, staring up at the ceiling and absently rubbing his arm.
Cut to another bed, as the camera pans up a rumpled duvet. Karen's clutching it to her chest, looking regretfully at the guy sleeping to her. Ick! She went home with BritSnot! Fade to Karen creeping out of the room, wrapped in a sheet and carrying her clothes. She stands outside the room, and glances back once, as if to confirm that it really happened. She stands there, looking shocked and ashamed. A second later, we cut to her closing his front door behind her, in the gray hours of the wee morning. She finishes pulling on her coat, and a car honks. Karen covers herself as if she's naked, and flinches. She then makes a mad dash off the porch.
Back at Manning Manor, the camera pans around the darkened bedroom, accompanied by a whole lot of rustling, heavy breathing, and muted instructions. Lily finally says, "Hold on." The camera finds their frustrated faces, as each of them sighs. Rick asks if everything is okay. Lily looks straight up and says, "I just, I just feel like you're, um..." "What?" Rick prods. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's just...sometimes it doesn't work that way." Offended, Rick says he's not trying to do anything. Lily finally looks at him, saying, a little condescendingly, "It doesn't have to be a goal, Rick." He asks if she'd rather that he didn't pay attention to her. "But you're not paying attention to me now! You're worried about the outcome," she complains. Rick sighs and flops on his back, muttering, "I can't do anything right, can I?" Lily looks over at him and softens. "Rick, I'm not saying that. I just want to be with you," she says. "So be with me. I'm right here," he says. She argues that he isn't; he's a million miles away. She says she doesn't understand what's going on. "I don't know what you want, Lil. I really don't know what you're complaining about," he says. Lily insists she's not complaining. He asks why she stopped, then. Lily says that she didn't stop to complain. Rick shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling, sighing in frustration. She follows suit and does him one better, sitting up and demanding, "God, do you have to make everything so complicated? We're alone one night in a month. I don't know why it has to turn out like this." Hmmm, maybe because you stopped midway to insult him? Not exactly a mood enhancer.
Judy and Sam, meanwhile, are having one of those night-long conversations. "A Wrinkle in Time," she says. He says he "used to think it was a book about Albert Einstein falling asleep in his clothes." Judy laughs and says that's because he's stupid. He agrees that he's "deeply stupid." No arguments here. They look at one another for a long moment, until Judy changes the subject and asks whether Sam's older brother used to beat him up. Sam answers that the beatings only lasted until he turned fifteen and grew big enough for revenge. "Is this permissible, to talk all night long?" he asks. Judy says, "I think it's kind of remarkable." I think that's kind of sad. That it's an unusual experience for them, I mean.
Cut to Lily. She rolls over in her sleep and puts her hand where Rick's face would be. Why do people on TV always do this? And how come they never show it when the person is actually there to get clocked in the head? Anyway, Rick is, of course, not there, so Lily wakes up. She puts on her robe and creeps to the stairs, where the glow of the TV can be seen in the living room. Rick's watching a news report on the Middle East and the War on Terrorism. Lily listens for a second, and looks disgusted that he had the nerve to leave their bed. Well, he couldn't very well jerk it right to her, now, could he?
When we return from the break, it's the morning. We join Sam and Judy in her kitchen, munching bagels and teasing one another about how much they talk. Both of them complain they can't get a word in edgewise. You don't have to tell me -- they should try recapping one another. After a chuckle and a lull, Judy leans forward and says, "Tell me about the rabbits, George." Sam grows solemn for once, sighs, and restates their situation: they can't be together in a relationship, so they can't be together sexually, but they "can't be apart because...well, [they're] idiots." Judy agrees. I agree. My cat agrees. The camera zeroes in on Sam's hands spooning heaps of ooey gooey jam on his bagel, while they continue to gripe about their predicament. "How long can we do this?" Judy wonders. Sam says a day, day and a half. Judy says maybe two. Sam dubiously says they might make three. Judy defiantly says it could be a week. "Well, miracles are possible," Sam says, holding the dripping bagel up to Judy's mouth. She slowly parts her lips and sinks her teeth into it, which I guess is meant to be seductive, or something. I've never gotten the whole food-as-sex thing, so don't go by me. She ends up with a dab of jam on her lip, and Sam stares at it. He gently wipes it away with a finger, pleading, "You have to let me kiss you." Judy slowly shakes her head, loving his desperation. Sam tells her she's "a mean person; just mean through and through." Judy agrees and chomps on the bagel again, grinning at her bad bad self.
Cut to Karen's bedroom. Jessie cautiously enters the room and asks whether Karen is up. Karen murmurs a sleepy response. "'Cause, it's eleven," Jessie says slowly, not sure what's going on. Karen emerges from under the duvet, groaning and rubbing her face. Jessie plops on the bed, and Karen asks if she had a good time last night. Jessie says, "Yeah, I guess." Karen asks what that means. Jessie rephrases: "Yeah, I had a good time." Jessie throws herself backward on the bed and stares up at the ceiling. Karen wants to know if something happened. Jessie doesn't answer. The ass-pole shakes off its hangover and gets down to business. Karen asks again, more urgently, if something happened. Jessie pulls herself to a sitting position, complaining, "Mom, why do you have to make such a big deal about this?" Karen really starts winding up, shrilling, "Honey, if somebody did something..." Jessie sighs and admits, "He kissed me, okay?" Karen breathes, finally, and shifts into a lower gear as she absorbs the news. She finally peels back the blanket and takes a seat to Jessie, asking how she feels about the kiss. Flatly, Jessie says she feels fine about it. Karen gets up to put on her robe and tells Jessie that she can't let anyone pressure her. Jessie cuts her off with a bored reminder that "they've drilled that into us since the third grade." Karen asks what's going on, then. Jessie looks up at her and says, uncertainly, "I'm supposed to want to, aren't I?" Karen's face softens, and she considers it for a second before rolling her eyes and sighing, "That's a really tough question, isn't it?" Jessie fights the tears and doesn't say anything. Karen says Jessie will know when she's ready. Jessie asks if she's just a freak. "Come here," Karen says, as she envelops Jessie in a hug. "If you're a freak, then I'm really worried about the rest of the world," she says in Jessie's ear. Awww. Jessie has a good cry. Karen strokes her hair and tells her that she has to believe in herself: "You're amazing. You've got so much going for you, and when the time is right, this will go for you, too." Jessie notices that Karen is crying, and asks, "Mom?" Karen wipes her eyes and assures her it's okay: "Moms have to cry sometimes." Jessie pulls back to look at Karen's face, and asks if she had a good time last night. Karen wipes her eyes and sniffles, "It was boring." Jessie asks if she met anybody. Karen chuckles ruefully and answers, "Nobody worth bringing home to you." She smiles into Jessie's eyes and pulls her in for another hug.
Cut to Jessie at school. She hovers in the doorway of the French lab for a second, then gathers her nerve and goes in. Katie's there alone, listening to a lesson. She pulls off her headphones when she sees Jessie there, and asks whether Tad has found her yet. Jessie says no, and Katie says that he wanted to apologize for the octopus impersonation the other night. Jessie chuckles uncomfortably, and Katie smiles, saying, "Guys are so weird. They strut around like they're so tough, but half the time, they're just chickens. You know I had to beat him up to ask you out again?" Jessie looks intrigued. Katie rolls her eyes and says, "I should have saved us both the trouble." Jessie quickly says that Katie didn't know her then. Katie stares at Jessie and says, "I knew he liked you. That was enough." Jessie drops her eyes from Katie's gaze. Katie looks her up and down, slowly. Jessie glances back up at her, then away again quickly. She fiddles with her earlobe for a second, then shyly says, "Bye." Katie smiles and says goodbye. She puts the headphones on again, as Jessie lingers for a second, looking at her.
Over at Manning Manor, Rick and Eli nearly plow each other over at the back door. Rick's heading in, and Eli's heading out. In passing, Eli says he won't be late again. Rick registers it, then quickly asks if he can ask Eli something. Eli hangs back, and Rick stammers, "Do you buy those, uh...uh, dirty...uh, girlie, you know, men's magazines?" "Yeah, you wanna borrow one?" Eli answers, matter-of-factly. Oh, boy, does he! Rick denies it, though, and says it's just that he -- uh, Lily -- uh found one in the recycling bin. Eli gets it, muttering that he thought he'd hid it so well. Rick claps him on the shoulder, looks him in the eye, and says, "E, just hide it better time." "Okay," Eli says, and heads on his way. Rick closes the door and heads into the house.
Rick finds Lily in the living room, curled up in an armchair, reading. "Come here," she whispers hoarsely. He takes a seat on the ottoman, and she leans forward and grabs his shirt. "I love having sex with you," she states. Rick's face melts with relief. "You do?" he says. Duh. He kisses her hand. He asks what's going on, then. Lily says she doesn't know, that she "get[s] so scared when [she] feels [him] pull away." Rick repeats the statement, raising his eyebrows questioningly. Lily says sometimes she feels like he doesn't even see her. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Rick says. "When you feel me pull away from you?" He insists that she pulled away from him. She denies it instantly. She can't believe he thinks that she pulled away from him. "It's like, I come to bed, and you don't even see me," he says. They breathe out, realizing that each has been feeling the same way. Lily asks, "Is there something you're not getting?" Rick mulls it over but doesn't answer, and instead throws the question back to Lily, the big wimp. She at least has the balls to answer that there might be. Rick then feels it's safe to admit that he might be missing something, too. They ask one another why they never said anything. Lily answers, "Because, how could I say anything about something that seems so small in the grand scheme of things?" They try to get out of one another what it is they're missing. Neither one wants to say it. Jesus, no wonder their sex life's all fucked up. Lily finally strikes a bargain, saying, "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." Rick stares at her for a second, then leans forward, taking her hands. He shares his fantasy about her being the one to make it happen, to strut into the room and have a certain look on her face, like she knows that she's "the sexiest woman in the world, and there's no possibility of [his] resisting. And that [she] is just going to treat [him] like a king. Like a naughty king." Lily laughs wide and hard. "Why are you laughing at me? That's mean!" Rick protests. She says, "You idiot! That's what I want!" She explains that she wants him to sweep her off her feet with "those incredibly sexy arms." He whispers, "I can do that." They kiss. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Rick pulls back to ask if it won't be a problem since they both want the other to make it happen. Lily says they should make a schedule (I have to believe she's kidding), and that he should go first. Rick ponders it for a second and then scoops her up out of the chair. He carries her, over her mild protests, up the stairs. The credits roll before we get to see any action, of course. Sex show, my ass.