The show opens as Lily and her brood trek through the grocery store in search of all the fixin's for Thanksgiving dinner. Minus the stuffing, of course. Why? Because Lily's mother, a.k.a. Barb, a.k.a. Grammy, "is insane," as Judy points out. Lily explains that Barbara likes to keep her recipe a secret. "Along with any love she feels for [them]," Judy adds. Call me crazy, kids, but I get the distinct impression that we're in for a slightly dysfunctional family get-together. Grace tries to weasel a dinner invitation for Jake, and it seems like the subject has come up before. Zoe chimes in, too, and Lily tolerates their wheedling for about two-and-a-half seconds before closing the subject and simultaneously putting the kibosh on a package of goldfish crackers. Can't say I blame her on either count.
Cut to Rick's place, where the mood is definitely subdued. Eli is slumped in an armchair, reading. Yes, I did say reading. An actual book, even. Rick's sitting at the counter, poring over some papers. Jessie, meanwhile, is restless. She plops down on the arm of Eli's chair and wants to know "why everyone is so non-holidayish." Eli informs her, rather authoritatively, that "non-holidayish isn't a word." Hey, wait just a minute. When did he become such a mental giant? He leaves the room and Jessie turns her attention to Rick. She suggests that they bake something. He's listening... "Something Thanksgivingish." And she loses him. Jessie looks at him thoughtfully and asks what he's doing for Thanksgiving dinner. He says he's getting together with David, and Jessie's concerned that he's going to spend the holiday working. He assures her that they probably won't work. They'll go out for a bite and maybe catch a movie. She says it doesn't sound very festive, and he placates her by saying they'll get a "Thanksgivingish bite."
Meanwhile, Lily and the crew have returned home and are busy putting away the groceries. She and Judy look over the turkey and wonder if it isn't too much for six people. In hushed tones, Judy asks, "Unless you want to..." Grace overhears and pipes up, "Invite Daddy?" Mmm, no, for like, the eighteenth time. We're spared another why-because-I-said-so exchange when Zoe calls out, "There's a car parked in the driveway!" Judy, looking like she's just been called into the gyno's office, says "It's...showtime." Except it sounds more like "Bitch...showtime." Whatever that means.
In the driveway, Barb and Phil are climbing out of their big old-people sedan and pulling out their bags. Grace and Zoe run to greet them, and Phil exclaims, "Would you look at these schmendricks?" I have no idea what it means, but I'm sure it's all good. Barb admonishes him to watch his back as he lifts Zoe into the air. Lily and Judy come out together, presenting a united front but smiling widely. Phil shouts, "Look at you! Look at you!" And as he reaches Lily, it's clear he wasn't using "you" in the collective sense. He cries, "Look at her!" Poor Judy. She takes it in stride, though, joking, "Never mind her -- look at me." Phil tells them they're both beautiful and MWAH, there are smacky kisses all around. Barbara, meanwhile, has pulled out the gifts she brought the kids: lanyard kits. For those of you who don't know, a lanyard is a rope used in sailing. Of course, lanyard kits are the last thing these two kids want or need, but that's the whole point: Old people give the crappiest presents. It warms the heart to see that ageist stereotypes are alive and well, doesn't it?
Another round of huggy hellos follows as Barb greets her daughters. As soon as that's dispensed with, though, the parentals get straight to business: Where's Jake? Lily is understandably struck dumb for a moment or two as she tries to get her head around the question. She reminds them that she and Jake are separated, so she has no idea where he is. They try to placate her by saying that the idea of the separation just hasn't sunk in yet, they're not used to it, blah, blah, blah, obliviouscakes. Judy, Grace, and Zoe have been watching the scene from a safe distance, peeking from behind the raised trunk of the car. Seeing their chance to defuse the situation, the kids pull out the suitcases and lead their grandparents into the house. Judy and Lily take a moment to regroup. Lily muses, "Can you say 'nervous breakdown'?" Judy replies, "Can you say 'Barbados'? 'Cause that's where we're gonna be year: Bar-Bay-Dossss." Judy, it seems, has yet to figure out that when it comes to irritating relatives, you can run, but you can't hide.
Lily sorts out the sleeping arrangements with her parents as they settle in. They then inform her that they're going over to the restaurant and ask if she wants to come. They say it's fine if she doesn't, and Barbara surmises that Lily's probably seen the changes already, anyway, somehow overlooking the conversation they had in the driveway just moments ago. Lily, again, is left agog.
Cut to Jake in the restaurant, which is stripped to the drywall and covered in plastic sheeting. Phil and Barbara come bursting in, exuberantly greeting their long-lost son, while Lily and Judy hang back, seething and uncomfortable. As the group moves in one direction to begin their tour, Lily quickly ducks in another.
Phil and Barb, in all their confessional black-and-white glory, describe the situation between them, Jake, and the restaurant. This time they bring to life the stereotype of the old married couple, as they comfortably interrupt each other and finish one another's sentences. They explain, in fits and starts, that Phil sold Jake the restaurant based on the agreement that Jake would make monthly payments to him for ten years. It was the only way Jake could afford the restaurant, and it also allowed Phil to retire to Florida (how many ageist stereotypes does that make?) without having to pay capital gains on the sale. "Everybody wins!" Phil exclaims.
Meanwhile, Phil and Barb are trailing Jake and exclaiming over the changes. They're standing in the old laundromat door, which Jake bought. He tells them excitedly that they can put seating for seventy-five people in the space.
B/W Phil and Barb admit they know that Jake isn't perfect. As Phil says, he "looks before he leaps sometimes." Barbara, of course, jumps in to correct him, saying, "Leaps before he looks, you mean." "What did I say?" Phil asks. Okay, people, back to the point please. Much as I hate to admit it, these two remind me of my grandparents. Maybe some stereotypes do exist for a reason. Anyway, they continue to diminish the degree of Jake's immaturity and selfishness, ending with the pronouncement that "He's a good boy!" I'm beginning to see where Lily gets her propensity for having her head up her ass.
Speaking of Lily, she's on her cell phone, warming up those melodrama muscles she'll be using so often in the coming episodes. "I'm not going to make it!" she cries. She's talking to Rick, who's in the middle of baking something with Jessie. Looks like he gave into her festive inclinations, after all. Lily says she can't believe how quickly she goes from being happy to see her parents to losing her "will to live." She says she needs to see him, and he quips, "Aren't you grounded, or something?" It's a comment that Jessie finds hysterical.
Cut to Judy seeking refuge in another part of the restaurant. She's slouched into a hideous green leatherette banquette, sucking desperately on a cancer stick. Barb pops up over her shoulder, chastising, "Judith Brooks!" But then she grabs the cigarette and takes a good haul herself. She warns Judy not to say a word about her naughty behavior. She then asks Judy why she's sitting by herself, and Judy's happy to put it all in perspective: "[Jake] broke my sister's heart. He betrayed her trust. But he's improving the restaurant? What's wrong with this picture?" Amazingly, Barbara doesn't rush to her beloved son-in-law's defense, but instead lets it slip that she wishes the renovations weren't costing them so much money. Whoa, there. Back it up, Babs. Costing who money? Barb realizes she probably shouldn't have said anything, and warns Judy "not [to say] a word to Lily." Right, because it's absolutely none of her business that her soon-to-be-ex is wringing out her retired parents. Judy turns away from her mother, obviously agitated.
Jake, meanwhile, is leading Phil down the proverbial garden path (but actually he's leading him through the new bar area) and explaining why there's now a lien on the restaurant. Of course, it's not at all Jake's fault -- it's the contractor's other lousy clients. He tells Phil that he can't get the work done to open the place until he finds a way to pay the contractor. Phil expresses his willingness to help just as Lily, Judy, and Barb come into the room. Lily says she needs to get home to start dinner. Which Phil inexplicably takes as his cue to invite Jake to Thanksgiving dinner the night. Lily manages to force out a strangled "Dad!" but her protest is in vain. She's dealing with stubborn old people after all. They strap her in and hit the gas for a screaming guilt trip: "It's Thanksgiving...What -- you two can't be civil for one dinner?...Think of how much it would mean to the kids." To shut them up, Lily says she'll think about it, but by the way she's baring her teeth, I don't think she means it. She storms out. Barb and Phil exit giving Jake co-conspirators' glances while Judy levels a withering glare. "Oh, God," Jake sighs, yanking on his face. Sympathy factor: zero.
After commercials we're greeted with an extreme close-up of Lily's face, sideways. She's just woken up and is sans make-up, but she manages to look fabulous all the same. Her eyes slide open groggily and fight to focus. Cut to a close-up of a lizard, which appears to be staring back at her. Lily registers no alarm but instead rolls over and, in the process, grabs a squeak toy. Ah, the joys of musical beds. She's in Zoe's room. She looks again at the lizard, and a pair of hands reach in and grab the scaly little thing. The hands belong to Zoe, who's lifting up the lizard to show to Phil. She tells him it's a gecko, but it most certainly is not -- I'm pretty sure it's an iguana. Phil feigns shock and wonders what happened to Barbies. You know, those nice sugar-and-spice toys that teach little girls how to be attractive young ladies? Zoe says "Barbies are okay, but [she'd] rather play with reptiles." Phil insists that, "You can't fool [him], [he] knows [his] little girls -- [Zoe'd] rather play with Barbies." Lily points out that Zoe just told him what she likes to play with. Phil backs off the mind control and changes the subject by asking what he can do to help Lily with dinner.
Cut to the kitchen, where Barb is going over a list when Lily walks in. Phil is sitting at the table, fast asleep and snoring lightly. Lily is concerned, but Barb is pretty nonchalant about it. She tells Lily he does it all the time. This information doesn't set Lily's mind at ease, so Barb explains that it's just part of getting older. She says that "one minute [she's] talking to him, and the minute he's fast asleep." Hmmm, falling asleep while you're talking, eh? And you chalk this up to his age rather than your scintillating conversation? Huh. Well, there's one more excuse we can all look forward to using in our golden years. Barb makes herself vulnerable for a split-second as she tells Lily that this new habit of Phil's makes her "feel so alone." Lily emotes and makes a move toward her mother, but Barb's got the wire up again and the sign is clear: Keep out. She smiles tightly and tells Lily that she's going to drop Phil at the restaurant on her way to the grocery store. He needs to see Lily's "husband." Lily gapes. Barb then brings up inviting the little finkus to dinner again, telling Lily that he and Phil still talk all the time. In fact, last time they talked, Jake assured Phil that "he didn't see any reason why this whole thing (translation: his teeny little affairs and Lily's gross overreaction) couldn't be cleared up by Thanksgiving." Apparently no one's told Jake that fairy tales and magic wands are make-believe. Lily struggles to maintain her composure in light of this news, but as soon as the parentals leave, her face slides into a stony glare.
Meanwhile, Rick's about to embark on the phase of his life that we'll call Lonely Guy. He's dropping off the kids at Karen's house, and she greets them on the porch as usual. Rick hands her a pumpkin loaf that he and Jessie baked. Eli disappears inside without so much as a backward glance, but Jessie's still concerned about Rick's lack of a real holiday celebration. He says his plans will be great. Karen's assistant Sage (pronounced as in "cor-sage") steps outside in a stripy apron to ask about basting the turkey. After Sage disappears inside, Lloyd (a.k.a. Mr. Walsh) of the receding hairline makes his not-so-grand entrance by stumbling into the side of his car. Lloyd, we see, is a doofus, but a sweet doofus, because he's carrying a huge bouquet of autumn flowers for Karen. Jessie isn't happy to see him, and she lets Karen know that she feels ambushed before tearing into the house. Rick and Lloyd shake hands. Shallow as I may be for saying so, it must be hard for Karen to see her super-hot ex side-by-side with her screamingly middle-aged new interest. Her attitude toward Lloyd is a little cool as he hands her the bouquet. Rick backs down the walk as they say their good-byes, and Lloyd closes the door. Shut out! Rick turns, hangs his head, and trudges toward the street, pausing a moment to straighten Karen's lamppost.
A little later, he walks into the reception area of his office and plucks the lone memo from the mail coil. As he looks it over, he hears giggling, snurfing sounds coming from an adjacent office. He chooses to investigate and finds David with some tart propped up on the desk. Her skirt is up over her thighs, giving everyone a really nice view of her thigh-high, stay-up stockings, those items of torture that could only have been born in the deepest, darkest, most sadistic corner of Hell. I hate those sticky, pinchy things with a passion that borders on neurotic. As David struggles to make the introductions, he and the tart -- Melanie -- tug at her skirt. She then slips past Rick with an embarrassed "nice to meet you" so she can wait for David outside. Rick gets the scoop -- Melanie is someone David went out with before, but with whom he thought he'd blown his chances -- and Rick urges him to "Go! Before she figures out what she's doing." Figures out what? That she's having one of those holiday-desperation flings to try, hopelessly, to fill a void in her life? Yeah, man, go get her! David thanks Rick and wishes him a happy Thanksgiving. "Yeah, right," is the unenthusiastic reply. He slumps wearily into the desk chair and something catches his eye -- it's black and filmy, and I don't even want to guess what it is since the tart left wearing both her stockings. As he moves to pick it up, Melanie comes in to retrieve it and, caught in the act, he blushes like mad while handing it to her. As soon as she leaves, his face sinks, and he heaves a shoulder-drooping sigh. Poor Lonely Guy -- everyone's got somewhere to be, and someone to be with, but you. Not to mention the fact that you're not getting any action either.
Meanwhile, things are getting wild and crazy over at Karen's. Yes, I'm lying. Everyone's gathered in the living room, where Lloyd is the center of attention. He's trying to rouse everyone into playing charades. As he touts the game's merits, Karen walks in and hands him a glass of wine, no doubt hoping to distract him into shutting up. Sour-faced, Jessie says she doesn't know how to play charades. Hey, not to worry kiddo, Lloyd the party animal will be more than happy to teach you!
Cut to Lily and Judy setting the dining-room table and bitching, in hushed tones, about Jake's comment that everything would be resolved by now. Lily complains that the parentals take everything Jake says "like it's the gospel truth from on high. Like he can do no wrong." Judy sympathizes and lets something slip about the "money thing." "What money thing?" Lily demands.
Cut to Barb, staring into the fridge complaining to herself that there's no butter, "only that awful margarine." Lily barges in to confront her about Jake's debt. "Oh, this family!" is Barb's response. When she calls angrily for Judy, Judy wisely yells that she and Grace are going for a walk. Barb bitches that "you can't tell anything in confidence to anyone in this family. Did you know that?" Uh, yeah, it's pretty hard to miss. Lily says as much, but bites her tongue to keep from saying something she could regret. Barb assures Lily that the money situation is all figured out, and it's between Phil and Jake. Then, in the same breath, she complains again that there's no butter. Lily points out that she specifically bought margarine because last time they visited, Barb went off about how nasty butter is for your health. "Oh, well, now they're saying that margarine's supposed to be bad for you," Barb calmly replies, unwittingly setting Lily's blood to boil. Lily cuts the crap: "Is it true that the last two checks [Jake was supposed to send] never came, and that the one before that bounced?" she demands. Barb is silent for a moment and then chooses to act as though Lily hadn't spoken at all. She asks if Lily knows that she and Phil separated once. Lily knows, and she clearly doesn't want to take this trip down Memory Lane again. As Barb starts to tell the story, Lily cuts her off and, in an exasperated tone, says, "Daddy cried. You'd never seen him cry before. But you stuck to your guns and packed his bags. And he lasted four days --" "--Five days." "Five days, and then came back with his tail between his legs." So Lily's heard this story once or twice, it seems. But she hasn't learned the lesson -- just ask Barb. She wants to know why, if she could forgive Phil, Lily can't forgive Jake? She implies that Lily is giving up too easily on the marriage, and she's the one to blame for its demise. Lily is justifiably offended and starts to explain her position to Barb, for all the good it will do, when Zoe bursts in to show her grandmother something she made. "Oh, no, sweetheart," Barb says, "that's all wrong. Here, let me take it apart for you."
Lily watches her mother with Zoe, which prompts B/W Lily onto the scene. She tells us what her mother was like when she grew up. She was "capable," and "always doing something." Then, as if struck, Lily admits she's "never been able to go to her for help" and looks very sad for a moment.
In an effort to show us how blind parents can be to their own behavior, we get a little confession from B/W Barb hot on the heels of Lily's. Barb tells us that her mother was very cold and distant, which is why she made a point to be different with her own kids. Mmm-hmm. Nice job.
Back in the kitchen, Barb tells them that she's about to start the secret part of her stuffing recipe. In other words, get the hell out. Lily shoos Zoe out and then hangs back for a second, watching as her mother hums about her business at the counter. Like Rick, she's shut out.
After commercials, I miss the first part of what Jake is saying to Phil, because Wegmans got a little too carried away with its "BBQ Country" ho-down. So Jake is standing there, fiddling with a screwdriver and an electrical socket (sadly, there are no injuries to report) when Phil replies to the mystery comment. He launches into a pep talk, basically excusing Jake for his screw-up because he had an indiscretion of his own. Jake summarizes the story that's becoming all too familiar: "You were in the doghouse for about a week and then [Barb] took you back." He then goes on to say he wishes that was his situation. Wish? Pah, Phil insists. If Jake wants to fix things, he's got to get in there and make it happen. "Come on, let's go home," he adds, still rolling in oblivion. I know you're supposed to respect your elders and all that, but right now I think I could hit him. I really do.
When they stroll through the back door into Lily's kitchen, Barb is in the midst of pulling out the turkey. I could make so many bad, bad turkey slurs in reference to Jake, but I'll refrain. Feel free to make your own, though. It really is good fun. Okay, so she's pulling out the turkey, and Zoe flies into Jake's arms. Grace and Lily walk into the kitchen laughing. The chuckles stop abruptly. Grace runs to embrace Jake while Lily stands there smoldering. Zoe says they asked to invite him, but Lily said no. Phil replies that he "knows how to ask [Lily] in a very special way." I don't think it's so much the way he asks, though, as it is the way he completely ignores the answer.
Meanwhile, funzapoppin' as Lloyd demonstrates all the moves needed to begin a charade. The camera pans his captive audience. Their expressions range from sheer boredom to disbelief to discomfort. After dispensing his last tidbit of miming wisdom, Lloyd asks if there are any questions. You can almost hear the crickets chirping. "Good!" he exclaims, rubbing his hands with glee.
Cut to Lily's dining room, where everyone is seated around the table. It looks like a picture postcard of the perfect festive dinner: Tons of food, the warm glow of candles, and a family gathered to partake. As Barbara carries in the last dish, Phil says he wants to go around the table and have everyone say what they're thankful for. He launches into his own speech, saying he's thankful for his "beautiful wife," but that's as far as he gets because his beautiful wife interrupts him to say the children should start. Grace jumps in to say she's thankful that Jake is there, and she thanks Lily directly for changing her mind. Judy rolls her eyes, Phil says, "That's nice," and Barbara looks pointedly at Lily. Stone-faced, Lily says, "Actually... Never mind." Phil quickly says, "," but Grace wants to know what Lily was going to say. "Actually, I didn't change my mind," Lily admits. Looking at her father she says "I said I'd think about it." Now it's Jake's turn to roll his eyes. He moves back from the table, and Barbara lays a supporting hand on his arm. "The point is, we're all here together" Phil reasons.
And, they're off!
Judy: Oh, Dad, we are not all together.
Phil: You know what I mean.
Everyone exchanges looks.
Judy: How can you say we're all together?
Barbara tries to intervene, unsuccessfully.
Phil: I thought we agreed that today --
Judy: Well, I didn't agree, and it's not right.
Judy turns to Lily for help.
Zoe leans in to ask Grace what they're talking about. Grace holds up a hand to shush her.
Judy to Lily: He should be here.
Lily: I know.
Zoe to Grace: Who?
Grace to Zoe: Uncle Aaron.
Barbara again tries to intervene: It's Zoe's turn to give thanks.
Judy: Oh, what -- Jake gets invited, but not Aaron?
Jake throws his napkin onto his plate and stands. Grace and Phil plead with him to stay. Phil asks everyone to join hands and says he'll make it quick. He convinces Jake to sit. He then says that he's thankful for his "beautiful wife and [his] beautiful family. And that includes everybody." Right, except your son. As the camera slowly backs out of the dining room, Phil adds, "May there be many more occasions such as this." What? Why? "Only, with a little less mishegas." I don't think "mishegas" means Jake, but it should.
Cut to Rick, a.k.a. Lonely Guy, walking along a darkened sidewalk. He pulls his requisite Lonely Guy overcoat more tightly around his shoulders. Very Dickensian. Lonely Guy then pauses in his walking tour of other people's family dinners. A particularly heart-warming scene is unfolding in one of the houses as a modern-day June Cleaver carries a big ol' bird to the table amid the delighted, glowing faces of her near and dear. Lonely Guy stares, enraptured. His cell phone rings. It's Lily, looking to be saved. She briefly apprises him of her hellish situation and then they get straight down to the mush. She tells him he has a nice voice. "I like your voice too," he smoothly replies, and then he kicks it up a notch by adding, "And I like...your body." Where's the Barry White? Or the bowm-chicky-chicky grinding of a blue soundtrack? Whoever's cueing the music missed the boat on this one. "Why?" Lily asks, "I mean, what in particular?" "Iono..." Rick mumbles, stalling for time, "They way it tells me all its secrets." A little corn with your turkey? They pause to revel in their yumminess. I pause to take a long, scalding shower.
"Where are you?" Lily asks. He says he's just walking around, conveniently not too far from her place. She says she needs to see him, but he's cautious. He thinks she has enough to deal with at the moment. But she means she literally wants to see him, even through a window. She "just wants to see someone who's sweet and non-judgmental and who doesn't think [she's] a selfish bitch."
Cut to Karen's, where Lloyd is frantically waving his arms. Jessie's desperately shouting out guesses while everyone else appears on the verge of a coma. Consider: Turkey alone makes you sleepy. Now imagine turkey followed by charades. And having to stay awake and be polite. Screaming for a bullet yet? The camera pans the couchful of zombies, and everyone yawns in turn. Jessie finally gets the charade -- Titanic -- and high-fives Lloyd with a shriek of victory. "My turn!" she cries, holding up a finger. Surprisingly, no one fights her for the honor.
Rick has shuffled his way over to Lily's place, where he's standing across the street and waving his arms to get her attention. Finally, she spots him and, with a squeal of glee, tells him to wait right there -- she's coming out to meet him (they've been talking on their cell phones the entire time). In the kitchen, she finds Barb, Judy, and Jake cleaning up, and she swoops among them to examine the state of the trash. "Oh, good it's full!" she exclaims, even though it isn't. Jake says he'll take it out, but she snaps that she'll do it because she wants some fresh air. They watch her leave with puzzled expressions. Jake goes to say good-bye to the kids, and Barb turns her attention to the window above the sink. She spots Lily fly into Rick's arms, still holding the bag of trash. Phil's face appears in the window to Barbara's and they peer at the excited couple through the blinds.
Lily and Rick start to walk away, but then she remembers she's still clutching the garbage and spins around to drop it at the curb. The two then stroll off, arm-in-arm and with a noticeable bounce in their step.
A few blocks later, we catch up to them as Rick's talking about his childhood. As a kid, he'd walk around the neighborhood, looking into other people's houses and wondering what it would be like to live there because everything seemed so perfect. Touching, in a Peeping-Tom sorta way. Lily stops walking, turns to face him, and blurts out that she has a brother. He lives in a group home in Chicago. She starts strolling again as she describes how she learned that he was mentally ill when she was in college. Her parents told them never to talk about it, and she never did. She "had hoped... Judy sees him all the time." Rick nods and bobs his Adam's apple, which means he's really feeling what she's saying. Lily tries to explain why she didn't invite Aaron to dinner: "It's just that, what if he goes off his medication? He could end up in court or jail... It was just...too much. This year." She looks pleadingly at Rick, who gives her another nod and bob by way of absolution, and she admits that "Now [she] wishes [she'd] just...It hurts so much to be around him, because [she]..." Rick figures out it's because she misses Aaron, the Aaron she knew, and tells her so. Relieved, Lily agrees. Rick puts his arm around her and draws her close.
Karen, meanwhile, is dodging Lloyd's compliments the way most of us would dodge bullets. They're in her kitchen cleaning up, and Lloyd is waxing ecstatic over the apple crumble, which Karen keeps reminding him is store-bought. When praising her ability to buy really good pie falters, Lloyd switches gears and showers her kids with approval instead. She won't take credit for them either. As they shuffle awkwardly around the kitchen, Lloyd trailing Karen like a balding puppy, they naturally bump into one another a couple times. On the last of these occasions, they pause for a moment, face-to-face, and I'm waiting for the icy-cool effects to creep up the lens and the Wrigley jingle to kick in. But oh -- oh! -- shut out! Jessie starts yelling that she wants to play Monopoly. Very graciously, Lloyd heads into the living room to answer her challenge. Karen looks almost overcome with relief.
Lily practically dances through the back door to find Barn still cleaning up. She tells her mother to leave the rest -- she's done enough already -- and plant a kiss on her cheek. "How could you not tell me?" Barb demands, "...that you're seeing someone?" Precisely at that moment, of course, Phil, Jake, and Grace enter the kitchen.
And the Inquisition begins.
Grace blabs about the "Dad" and makes it clear by her attitude that she's not thrilled about Lily's boyfriend. Then Jake gets in the act, flatly saying he thought he told Phil. Lily, realizing she has no allies in this camp, heads into the dining room, where Judy is still having at the cherry pie. Seeing Lily, she groans, "Must. Stop. Eating." Barb trails Lily, saying that she's "really very hurt." Hypocrite. Then Barb the all-knowing starts telling Lily why she's seeing Rick: To get back at Jake for hurting her. She must not have gotten a good look at Rick through the kitchen blinds, or she'd really know why Lily's dating him. Lily shows amazing restraint and tries to walk away. Barb follows, and Judy tries to intercede, but Barb informs her it isn't about her. Judy plops sulkily at the table saying, "That's not exactly breaking news. It's never about me." Much as I hate a whiner, I suspect there's some truth in this statement.
Everyone else hovers in the doorway on the other side of the room. Jake pokes in his head to say good-bye to Barb. Lily orders Grace and Zoe upstairs. Grace refuses. A round of snapping ensues: Judy to Jake; Phil to Judy; Lily to Grace; Grace back at Lily; and finally, Lily to Barb. Barb says she doesn't care if Lily wants to hear her opinion of not (of course, she views her opinion more as the Truth). She starts to say that "with everything [Lily] has invested in this marriage --" "W-w-w-w-wait," Lily says, holding up her hands, "After all who's invested?" She turns to look directly at Jake, saying she's "so sick of all this because [she's] not the one who screwed up." Judy springs into action and tries to usher the kids out of the room. Zoe slips out, but Grace still refuses to budge. She and Lily have a standoff for a second, but then Grace caves. "Fine!" she snaps, "Like I don't know what's going on." Actually...you don't, and I think the plan is to keep it that way. Grace storms out. Once she's gone, Phil turns to Lily and says, "Elizabeth!" very sternly. She tells her parents that they don't see Jake for what he really is, and starts to say, "the fact that he could just take [their] money..." Barbara moves around to the other side of the table while Lily says this, and now the three amigos present a united front. Phil says he doesn't care about the money, and Lily continues talking as though she didn't hear him, saying, "No explanation...just helps himself." Jake tells her that he and Phil have an understanding. "Oh, like we did?" Zzzing. The stinging rebuke has little effect on Jake, who's wearing his Teflon suit of oblivion, as usual. He says he's going to pay back Phil with interest. "Chya," Lily responds, rolling her eyes. Phil tells Lily that he's doing this for her and then turns to Jake, saying, "You don't owe anyone an explanation, son." He may as well have reached over and slapped his daughter in the face. Lily shrieks, "Stop calling him that!"
Well, Jake's had all the insult he's going to take, and he leaves. Barbara goes after him. Lily buries her face in her hands. Phil angrily tells her to let him fight his own battles and then demands to know how she found out about the money. She asks why she shouldn't know about it and then, through gritted teeth, says "that's what [she] hates about this family: secrets. The things [they] should talk about are secret, and the things that should be secret are shouted out so everyone can jump in and judge and give their opinion." Then she takes up the guilt-inducing cry of frazzled, downtrodden mothers and wives everywhere, saying, "Just because I for once had the audacity to do something I wanted to do. Something actually for me." Hoo-yeah! I see signs of a backbone, finally. She grabs a pile of dishes off the table and carries them into the kitchen, where you can hear her slam them on the counter.
After commercials, Rick's just getting home. The kids are already there, and a plate of dinner is waiting for him on the table. "It's warm," Jessie says, stepping into view, "I warmed it up for you." This kid is too sweet. And to top it off, she's wearing her jammies, which are just so adorable.
Cut to Lily, still cleaning up. She glances at the cordless phone in the foreground, thinks about it, gives in, and calls Rick. He's eating while Jessie sits just inches away, watching. He answers the phone around a mouthful of turkey, which is very moist by the sounds of it. Lily says it just occurred to her that he didn't get any dinner, and she could wrap up some left-overs and...Rick smiles at Jessie, who makes a knowing face. Lily continues, saying, "...oh, you have a turkey dinner, don't you? And you're eating it right now, aren't you?" Rick tells her she's amazing, but it hardly takes Kreskin to figure out he's been chewing and swallowing the whole time. They wish each other a happy Thanksgiving and hang up. Rick smiles at Jessie and tells her the dinner is delicious.
Grace appears in the kitchen doorway, also in her pajamas, and groaning that she's going to be sick. Lily tells her she's not sick, she's just upset over what happened. Grace says no, she ate almost an entire box of chocolates that Barb gave to her and Zoe in secret. Lily gives her a big hug and says that was a silly thing to do, and Grace just raises her arm helplessly, like "what else can you do?" Hey, I can relate.
They head to Grace's room, where Zoe is bouncing on the bed. Grace crawls under the covers, and Lily hands her a glass of Alka Seltzer. Grace belches, which disgusts Lily but delights Zoe. Grace then asks if Lily really did change her mind about inviting Jake. Lily explains that sometimes it's hard for her to say no to her father. The kids can't believe that she's "scared" of Phil. She kisses them goodnight and, as she reaches the door, Grace asks if Lily hates Jake. Zoe says Lily acts as if she does most of the time. Lily thinks and then carefully says that she "could never really hate him, because he gave [her] both of [them]." They tell her to cut the crap and be honest, but Lily's got some of her mother in her whether she likes it or not, so she simply tells them that she's sorry, she knows it must seem like she's giving them pat answers sometimes. And that's it. She says, "Goodnight," and they chime in, "Don't let the bedbugs bite." I guess it's to demonstrate how predictable she is. But really, who couldn't see that coming?
Lily knocks and enters her bedroom, where her parents are getting ready for bed. She whisks her nightgown off a hook, says goodnight, and leaves.
Rick meanwhile, has just finished his dinner, and as Jessie clears away his dishes, he asks her about Lloyd. "How old do 'we' think he is, anyway?" Jessie smiles and plays along, answering, "At least eighty or ninety." Rick says that's what he figured and then asks if she had fun. "What do you think?" she responds. Rick says he thinks it was "incredibly boring" and, sweetly, she says, "It was, totally." They beam at one another and hug, their faces filling the screen and slowly fading as Phil's voice says, "The way a daughter looks at you..."
Rick and Jessie fade away and are replaced by B/W Phil saying, "...there's nothing like it." He talks about how pissed off a daughter gets when she realizes her father's not the perfect being she set him up to be. "It's basic physics," he says, "If you start up there on a pedestal, there's nowhere to go but down." A fine theory, I'm sure, but he's kind of missing the point. Lily's not mad because he isn't perfect. She's mad because he keeps choosing Jake over her.
B/W Lily's in the hot seat now, with her arms crossed protectively. She says that Phil was the best father in so many ways. Choking up, she admits that she always disappointed him. It's not just now, with the separation, she always let him down. "Never knowing why," she adds, sadly.
Phil's knocking at her door. He wants to talk. He starts by asking about "this guy from outside" and says he can tell she's in love with him. Lily shyly tries to hide her feelings, but Phil is insistent, saying, "You think I never felt that way? You think I don't know what it's like?" He then proceeds to tell her the whole story about his separation from Barb. It wasn't just a one-time meaningless fling. He was in love with someone else. Lily was five, Aaron was four, and Barb begged him not to leave. He stayed, but he kept seeing the other woman because he just couldn't stop. She finally got tired of waiting for him, though, and ended it. Then Barb got pregnant with Judy, which really sealed things. "Looking back, after all these years, you think I'm sorry that I didn't go?" he asks Lily. Oh no, he's "glad [he] stayed. So what, [she's] in love? [He] thought [he] was, too. Who knows what love is?" Barb interrupts them by knocking on the door. God she's irritating. The guy's gone five minutes and she has to sniff him out. She tries to convince him to come to bed, but he insists on staying. Reluctantly, she leaves. It's as if she can sense secrets are being told. Once she's gone, Phil says he "thanks God every day that she took [him] back. Okay, maybe not every day." I hear that.
Now that he's warmed her up, Phil launches into the hard sell. "People change. They learn from their mistakes," he insists. She's not sold that easily though, and points out that, not only does Jake not have the character that Phil does, "he didn't fall in love with someone else. He didn't have an affair -- one affair. [It was] a lot of girls." Then she breaks down and says that her "marriage just doesn't work, and even [he] can't fix it." She apologizes and says she knows she let him down, which sends her into a fit of tears. He hugs her saying, "Who said anything about letting anybody down?" Then to cheer her up, he asks about "the guy from outside" again. He wants to know if he has a name. "Rick," she sniffles through a huge grin. "Rick?" he repeats, "Not a bad name... Some Thanksgiving, huh?" She throws herself into his arms again, weeping like a baby. He holds her and pats her arm as the camera creeps back into the hallway. "It's okay. Daddy's here," he says. Fat lot of good that's done her so far.