"Come on, Lily," says a disparaging female voice. For once, not mine. It's Judy. We've caught the sisters bickering in the bookstore. Judy, it seems, is trying to sell Lily on the idea of installing a coffee bar in the bookstore. Because god knows, there's a shortage of coffee purveyors and the people are starting to get desperate. Lily pooh-poohs the idea, stating, "I don't want to sell coffee, or brew coffee, or contribute to this insane obsession with coffee." Just so we're all clear: she's saying that she doesn't want to sell coffee. Their back-and-forth is interspersed with shots of a young shoplifter. You can tell he's a thief because he's skulking about, looking incredibly guilty, and keeping a close eye on Lily and Judy. Lily continues her assault on the café world by attacking "those dry hard cookies." Judy makes an impassioned defense on behalf of biscotti everywhere, but Lily's not listening. She's spotted the skulker stuffing a hard-cover book into his knapsack. The kid makes for the door. Lily's fast on his tail. She beats him to the door, and instantly the kid is begging her not to call his parents. Lily's in fine form, however, teeming with righteous indignation, and she launches into a lecture on the consequences of shoplifting. The kid hangs his head and opens his bag. Lily grabs the booty out of his hands and he asks if he can leave. Looking at the book's cover, Lily's expression softens a little. The kid shuffles uncomfortably, looking everywhere but at her. Lily asks him how much money he has. He tells her $2. She orders him to give it to her, and my first thought is that it's extortion, but then she hands him the book and tells him to come back with another $18. Judy looks incredulous. Lily's never let her off the hook that easily, and her only crime is sleeping with men too soon. Lily shoos the kid out the door, and Judy promptly asks, "What the hell was that?" Lily wordlessly pulls a copy of the book off the shelf and hands it to Judy. The book in question is How Do I Know If I'm Gay? Judy points out some of the finer points of retail as a concept, such as giving away the merchandise sort of defeats the purpose. Lily is adamant that the kid will pay for the book. Hey, she married Jake. She has a penchant for delusion. Judy patronizingly informs her, "Gay people can be shoplifters, too." Lily snaps that Judy would have given him the book, too. Judy insists she "would have made him suffer more."
B/W Lily remembers Judy accusing her of stealing Monopoly money when they were kids. She denies the charges, but I'm not convinced. She looks way too pleased with her bad, bad self.
Judy asks if she can borrow the sweater that Lily's wearing. Lily declines. Judy pouts and tells Lily she's "so mean." "I'm so nice," Lily insists emphatically. "Mean," Judy retorts. Lily swats her arm with a piece of paper. The point of all this? I dunno. I guess the writers have to fill the hour somehow. Judy resumes the coffee debate by saying that she met "this great carpenter -- well, actually, he's an artist." Yeah, an artist with a nice set of tools, right? Lily's getting my drift, leveling Judy a knowing look. Judy asks if they can get him to do a quote, and Lily wonders how they can afford to build a coffee bar but they can't afford to give books to people who need them. Um, because you run a store, not a library?
Back to B/W Lily, who's still relishing her childhood crime spree. "I may have lost some of that money," she purrs, running a finger seductively down her throat and feeling oh-so-sexy because she's a naughty, naughty girl. She touches the tip of her tongue to the corner of her mouth before adding, "I found some of those orange bills crumpled up under the sofa." Ah-ha! I knew it.
Lily agrees to meet with Judy's carpenter crush and then asks if he's going to be "obnoxious." Judy pretends to be offended, and then they argue about who's going to stay and lock up. Oddly, neither one wants to leave. The door's bell tinkles and Rick strolls in, looking elfin and adorable as always. Judy casts Lily a knowing look and then pours on the saccharine charm, apologizing profusely to Rick for leaving just as he arrives. She actually borders on sarcastic. Alone at last, Rick and Lily say "Hi."
Cut to the two of them plastered against one another. The requisite steamy-breathing sound effects accompany their lip-smacking action. I find watching this kind of moist in-your-face breathing a little uncomfortable. All I can do is wonder what their breath must be like. Sela and Billy don't seem to be concerned with such practical matters, though, so I guess they're both fresh. I think I forgot to mention that their silhouettes are horizontal. But only for a few seconds before the director -- that tricky dick -- swings them upright. Why, they're not lying on the ground at all! They're actually pressing up against the end of some bookshelf! "Who cares?" you ask? I don't know, but obviously the director thought it was important. "Have I ever told you my librarian fantasy?" Rick pants. "I can imagine," Lily whispers seductively. So can I, so I'm hoping they forgo the demonstration. Personally, I find librarians terrifying. Thankfully, they skip it, and all we see is the two of them slurp-sliding their way to the floor.
"After that, I told Judy to be the banker," B/W Lily informs us, still operating on the belief that anyone is even remotely interested in this self-indulgent little waltz down memory lane.
Back in the den of iniquity, a.k.a. the bookstore, Lily the Librarian is tugging her cardigan closed. She tells Rick it's the "most decadent thing [she's] ever done." She then wonders why shagging on the floor is supposed to be so sexy -- no doubt doing wonders for Rick's ego -- and Rick replies, "It means you couldn't wait." "Oh, I couldn't," Lily groans. So do I. Rick asks if Judy hates him, or if it's just his imagination. Lily tells him that he just walked in at a bad time, and that she and Judy were having an argument about putting in a coffee bar.
B/W Lily's still beating that horse, but at least she gets to the point: "I hate money and what it does to people. Even Monopoly money." Really? Because, personally, I find greed enchanting.
Lily tells Rick that Judy arranged for some guy to come and give them a quote on the cost of building the bar. Rick gives her some incredibly obvious advice: Have a budget in mind beforehand, and see what the guy can do with it. To Lily, of course, the advice is earth shaking. Who would have thought to have a budget in mind? Certainly not a business owner. Rick then spots a book lying on a table and, grabbing it, asks how Lily can accuse them of being decadent when they were "making love among the great titles of literature." Decadent, no. But as a customer, I'd want a discount on those books.
Close-up of A Tale of Two Cities, the aforementioned book snatched up by Rick, lying on Lily's kitchen table. "Who wants another pancake?" Lily calls from the stove. Zoe tells her that she'll have TWO, because she's "not going to worry about getting fat until year." Lily is shocked when Zoe calmly adds that one of her friends is on a diet. "She's nine!" Lily cries in horror.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.
Lily calls out to Grace to check the washing machine again. Grace spots the book on the table while passing through the kitchen and swoops on it. She picks it up and carries it away, and then asks if it's for her. "Grace, no!" Lily cries in horror. She reaches in a futile effort to grab it, but Grace is too far and the pancakes will burn if she tries to leave the stove. It's a dilemma, people. Grace strolls to the laundry room with the book, thumbing through it and telling Lily that it's on her extra-reading list for school. A look of disgust spreads across her face. "Oh, gross!" she exclaims. "If he's going to write you things in it, you shouldn't leave it laying around." Yeah, and you shouldn't just pick up things that don't belong to you and start nosing through them. Taking the book from Grace, Lily tells her that she'll bring another copy home from the store. No wonder they don't make any money. Why can't Grace just go to the library and sign out a copy? Lily carefully puts the pornographic edition of A Tale of Two Cities on the shelf above the stove, far from prying nine-year-old fingers. Cue said nine-year-old to ask if she can read it. Sure, just as soon as you turn eighteen. Lily asks Grace whether there was a flood in the laundry room. "Small one," Grace answers, parking her ass on the counter. Lily asks her to wipe it up while she goes to answer the phone. "Is my name Cinderella?" Grace snipes, holding out her hands for emphasis. No signs of bleeding blisters or fingers worked to the bone that I can see. She hops off the counter and heads straight for Lily's purse and starts rummaging through it. Fishing out the wallet, she thumbs through the bills and plucks one out. Still on the phone, Lily turns and catches Grace and snatches the wallet. "I need twenty dollars for the field trip!" Grace the Entitled whines. Lily hands her the money and then gestures toward the laundry room. Grace thanks her mother by way of a big, huffy sigh. Brat, much? She stomps to get a dishtowel and then tells Zoe to clean up the flood. Zoe points out that her name isn't Cinderella, either. Hee. Grace doesn't find this to be a compelling argument when it's not coming from her, however, and she pushes Zoe toward the mess. Lily, meanwhile, is receiving what appears to be disturbing news. As she hangs up the phone, the girls' bitching escalates. Lily snatches the cordless phone and moves into another room to call Jake. She gets his machine and leaves a message telling him that she just got a call from the bank and the mortgage payment is fifteen days late. She wants to know what's going on. Heading back into the kitchen, Lily finds Zoe waiting there, having overheard the phone call and looking unsettled.
Cut to Judy at the bookstore with the carpenter. He's the new interest? I'm all into suspending disbelief, but come on! The guy looks like a cross between a rat and a Neanderthal; he's all squinty eyes, pinchy nose, and frighteningly extended brow. He's showing Judy his drawings and tells her that one option is a "faux cart." Judy, not really getting the whole "faux" concept, asks him if the wheels will actually turn. Ratman flirtatiously tells her they won't because "they're faux wheels. As in faux-wheel drive." Oh, gag. They laugh at the clever caveman for a few seconds, until Lily and Rick walk in. Judy is surprised to see Rick. She introduces everyone around and then (pointedly?) forgets Rick's last name. After a few seconds of lame banter as to who is "the sister" in the store's name (Rick claims that he is. Okay, he's lame but at least he's pretty.), Neanderat, whose name is actually Marty, holds up his sketchbook for Lily to see the faux cart. He says that another option is a "big backsplash that hides the work space." Rick looks decidedly unimpressed. Judy's not, though. She bats her eyelashes about fifty times and resumes flirting with Marty, saying, "I'm supposed to ask about your art 'cause carpentry is just a side thing." Marty's all over the flirtation thing, but thank god we aren't able to hear his response because the director really wants us to pay attention to the looks passing between Lily and Rick. Rick busts in on the lovefest by asking Marty a practical question: "What about drainage?" It's a little thing, but it's a nice thing. Lily pipes up that Rick is an architect. Judy's back arches. Rick assures Marty that he's "just there as a friend." Marty stares hard at Rick, and I swear his nose twitches a few times before he responds: "Well, yeah, there are a few options for drainage." Silence. Marty exchanges an offended look with Judy, as though Rick just communicated via farts rather than words. More silence. "Such as?" Rick finally asks. Judy shoots him the stink-eye. "One option would be no drainage," says the clever troglodyte, grinning smugly. Lily's eyes dart nervously between the two men. Rick asks how they'd get a permit. "A lot of businesses get by without the paper," Marty condescends. Oh, he's shrewd, that rodent-man. Judy smiles proudly, because her man's smarter than Li-i-ly's. Rick and Lily exchange a look. Bolstered, Lily tells Marty that she thinks it would be a better idea for her and Judy to hash out a budget and then see what he can do with it. Rick watches her like a proud parent. You can almost see his lips moving as Lily makes her little speech. Judy watches incredulously, shooting death rays from her eyes.
B/W Judy reminisces about how Lily always took over her projects and stuff when they were kids. See, that's what's happening now. Do you get it? Ah, but would you have gotten it if Judy hadn't taken the time to tell you?
The ratman scampers around in a huff, gathering his stupid faux-cart sketches, his pseudo-professional tail tied in a great big knot. Judy pleads with him to wait a second and then, with gritted teeth and flashing eyes, asks Lily whether they can talk privately for a minute. Marty's going to be big about the whole thing, though, and just scurry off as fast as he can. No need to cause a scene. Glaring at Rick, he pauses in the doorway and tells them to call him when they figure out what they want. Little does he know, they've been trying to figure out that very thing for thirty-odd years, and with very little success.
Cut to a party shop, where Halloween decorations are strewn about. Lily and Judy are buying stuff for the store (because being broke shouldn't mean you have to live without plastic skeletons) and sniping about the earlier scene. Judy is less than thrilled to learn that planning a budget was Rick's idea. Her tone implies that Lily is incapable of thinking for herself. Lily points out that Rick is an experienced professional (and you just know she gets the tingles when she says it) and they "should take advantage of that." She then asks Judy, her voice dripping with condescension, whether she wants to call Marty to finish the quote. Judy insists, "He's supposed to be really good." Well, that may be, Judy, but can he swing a hammer? Lily's parting shot is not far off my wavelength: "If you sleep with him, does he still have to build the bar?"
Cut to Lily at home on the cordless phone, leaving another message for Jake because apparently he didn't return her call. She's stern. Lily really would make a good librarian. She then tries to finish a load of laundry, but the washing machine has other ideas. It squeak-squeak-rhumba-rhumbas to the tune of that plucky guitar, the one that signals This is Funny. Lily squawks as she glances down and finds water pouring out the bottom of the washer. She tries to shut it off while wrestling with some towels in an attempt to soak up the water. The phone rings. Of course. "Hold on a second!" Lily shouts into the receiver. She manages to turn off the washer. Rick's waiting on the phone. Lily stops herself from rhyming off a list of her problems when he asks how she is (ah, the good old days, when Lily had a stop-valve that worked), and asks what he's up to. He answers that he just came from the zoning commission, where he found the plans to her store. It turns out that it used to be an ice-cream shop, so there may not be a need for new plumbing. Lily gushes like any good damsel and tells him that Marty will be back at the store that night to finish the quote. Rick asks if she'd like him to "drop off the plans." Translation: "save her useless ass." He gets no argument.
Bookstore. Late at night. There's a rumble brewing. Lily and Judy stand, arms folded across their chests, watching as the combatants circle one another. Marty argues that the lines shown in the plans may not even be useable, blah blah blah lazy-ass cakes. Rick ably shoots down his arguments at every turn, and insists that old plans -- especially plans from this particular builder -- are "very reliable." Ahhh. Marty's nose twitches knowingly. He smells a weakness. "You know the builder...from 1967?" he smart-asses. Well, yes, actually, Rick does. The pair continue to dodge and weave, but it's clear that Rick has won this little pissing match.
Cut to Judy on the sidewalk, waving an overly emphatic good-bye to Marty. My sentiments exactly: buh-bye ratman! Storming back into the store, she snaps, "Thank you very much!" She gathers her jacket, and Rick apologizes, saying he feels bad and wants to call Marty to come back. Judy's not swayed in her anger. Lily says she thinks that Judy's mad at her, not Rick, speaking as though Judy's not standing right in front of them. Refusing to look at either of them, Judy pulls on her coat and tells them she's leaving. She says that she has a date anyway. With someone other than Marty, she adds. She says that Lily and Rick probably want to have sex, anyway. She studies their careful non-reaction and figures out that they've already christened the bookstore. "This is not the sister I know!" she exclaims, and I can't figure out if her stuffy, Victorian shock is meant to be a joke. I thought she was the loose one. She leaves without another word, and Rick and Lily dissolve into giggles. Lily quips that he's ruining her reputation, and Rick says he hopes so. Oh, please. Rick stops lip-smacking her long enough to ask how mad Judy is, really. Lily insists it's just a sibling thing. Rick looks around the bookstore and then says that he could build their coffee bar and it wouldn't cost them very much. He asks her to let him "play around with it." Lily doesn't say no.
Cut to Lily at home with a repairman. He's sitting on the floor in front of the washing machine, and through his thick, eastern-European accent, he tells her that "it's a problem." He mumbles something else, but I can't understand it. Neither can Lily. "The. Motor. Mount. Is completely broken," he repeats. He tells her he could fix it, but why? "From now on, this machine is nothing but heartache." Hey, isn't there a country song about that very thing?
The scene fades into the one: Lily and Zoe sitting in the breakfast nook and eating cereal. Zoe asks if they'll have to move. She relates the story of a girl in her class, whose parents divorced. The girl and her brother had to move into a tiny apartment with bugs, and a roach crawled right into her ear one night. Lily asks where she heard that. "It's true," Zoe assures her solemnly. Lily promises her that they're not moving and there won't be any roaches. "How 'bout rats?" Zoe asks. Not unless Uncle Marty drops by, I assure her silently. Her ears are sticking out through her hair, which I find adorable. I like Zoe. They banter back and forth for a little while, until Zoe innocently drops a mood-kill. She asks why "daddy didn't pay the mortgage." Lily tells her that she doesn't have to worry about these things, that they're very safe in the house, and they won't have to move. The phone rings. "Why didn't you call back?" Lily snaps into the receiver. She tells Zoe to stay put and then moves into another room so she can chew Jake out privately. Jake assures her that things are "taken care of." Apparently, Lily doesn't hear him, because she tells him that she needs to know he's taking care of what he's supposed to. He asks whether they've ever had a problem with that. A reluctant silence. "No," Lily finally says, grudgingly.
B/W Lily says that her father loved money, and Jake loved money because he loved spending it. Between them, money was never something she had to worry about. I pick myself up off the floor, stunned by this revelation. Thank you, once again, for the confessional because I don't think I'd have figured that one out on my own.
Cut to Grace and Judy at an outdoor café. Grace is dismayed to hear that Rick may be helping with the coffee bar. Judy says that's unfair, since Grace has never really met him. "You have and you don't like him," Grace retorts. Judy looks surprised. Yeah, Judy, it showed. Judy denies disliking Rick and points out that, if Lily cares so much about him, he must be something special. The pair walks out onto the sidewalk. Grace asks if Rick is going to be at the store all the time, and Judy assures her that he won't. Some guy calls out Judy's name. We see lights and cameras and trailers on the block. Someone's filming something. The guy's voice calls Judy over to the set. Grace says she'll just wait.
When Judy and Grace return to Lily's house, Grace tells Lily that they saw a commercial being filmed, and the "director's in love with Judy." Judy explains that it was a guy she went to college with, who now makes cheap commercials for cable TV. He asked Judy to help with the one. Lily's excited for her, but Judy pooh-poohs the idea. Lily reminds Judy that film school was her dream, in case she forgot. Judy says that she had a lot of dreams. "Yeah, about one a week," Lily says bitchily before walking away. Why the hell is she taking it so personally? Judy looks stung.
Cut to Lily and Judy getting a reality check from their bookkeeper, who tells them that they cannot afford to build a coffee bar. Judy says that she could come up with half the money -- about five thousand dollars -- if Lily could. Lily doesn't know how she can.
B/W Lily tells us a pointless little story about how she used to pay her bills the day they arrived. Then she had children. Is this one of those stories that, in order to find it charming, you have to have kids of your own? Because I forget to pay my bills now, but I don't go around telling everyone about it. I know it's just not interesting.
Back in the office, Judy asks Lily if everything is okay, if Jake's keeping up with his end of things. Lily assures her that everything is fine, but she doesn't sound very convincing. Lily asks if she could work full-time. What kind of logic is that? She'll take more money out of the store so that she can put more money into the store? Good thing they have a bookkeeper. The accountant tells her the store can't support two full-time salaries. Judy suggests that they get a bank loan to pay for the coffee bar. It's not an option according to the accountant, who then asks Lily whether she and Jake have a separation agreement. Lily says that she's been reluctant "to go there." "You're worried that once it's about money, all hell breaks loose and there'll never be a civil word between you," says the accountant knowingly. With mock shock, Judy asks, "With Jake?" The accountant tells Lily that the bank will want an agreement before it even considers giving her and Judy a loan.
Cut to Lily and Judy on the sidewalk. Judy asks if Lily's having money trouble, and Lily denies it. Judy asks if she wants to "talk to Dad," to which Lily responds that she just has to deal with money now. She realizes that Jake won't support her forever, and she doesn't make enough working part-time at the store. Judy assures her that everything will work out and then brings up the separation agreement. Lily makes it clear that she can't deal with that and what it would involve. Didn't she just finish playing grown-up and saying that she has to deal with money now? She asks Judy if they can put off building the coffee bar for a while, and Judy answers that they'll do whatever Lily needs. She gives Lily a hug and says that she'll "dance naked in the window to drum up business." Lily says that she has to tell Rick that they're not going to build the bar. Judy suggests that he's got better things to do anyway. Than rescuing Lily? Don't count on it.
Cut to Lily approaching Rick and another guy loading a marble slab into the back of Rick's truck. He weaseled it -- "almost for free" -- for Lily. Rick shows Lily some stools he found for her, too. Lily hesitantly says that she doesn't know if they can afford it. Rick tells her that he called in some favors, and they're getting the stuff at cost. He can build the whole coffee bar for under $5000. The helper says that if Rick were this psyched about every job, they'd all be millionaires. "Okay," Lily says, with a forced smile. Rick goes to grab something else, and Lily lets her face drop.
Cut to Lily and Naomi at a coffee house. Naomi is in the midst of telling Lily that she's crazy. Lily says that Rick is so excited and he's saving them money and it'll make Judy happy. "Which is your main goal in life," Naomi points out dryly. They figure out how much money a year's coffee sales could amount to. It takes them like ten minutes. It's just embarrassing, and almost offensive, like that talking Barbie they brought out all those years ago who complained how hard math is. Finally, they figure out that it would amount to $42,000 -- no wait -- $1100 a year. Disappointed, Lily asks what that amounts to divided "how many ways" (that would be two, genius) and after taxes. Naomi concedes that Lily won't get rich selling coffee, "But [she'll] make everybody HAP-PEEEE!"
Back at the bookstore, Lily's just told Judy that the coffee bar is a go, after all. Judy is miffed that Lily keeps changing her mind, especially because she knows that it's just to please Rick. Cue Rick, whistling and happy-go-lucky in his workman's get-up. He's laden with a ladder and tools and says, "That's right! Mr. Fix-it's here!" Like I said, it's lucky he's so pretty. While Judy helps Rick get settled, Lily heads to the office. She calls the bank to make sure that Jake really did pay the mortgage. She learns that he got an extension instead. Lily's not happy. She calls Jake and tells him that she wants to see him right away and snaps that she doesn't want to talk about it over the phone.
Cut to Lily's living room, where she and Jake are perched uncomfortably on chair arms. She asks if there's a problem and tells him that he has to tell her the truth. He says -- again -- that the mortgage is taken care of. He says it's not the first time he's gotten an extension. Lily asks -- again -- if there's a problem. Besides the fact that her needle's obviously stuck? Jake gets offended and asks her to admit that he's never let her and the kids down in his obligations. He adds that he resents being made to feel like a deadbeat dad. Lily says that she just wants to know if there is a problem. Again, Jake insists that there isn't. Finally, Lily lets it drop and instead tells Jake that she needs a new washing machine. Jake sighs and says that he just had to buy one when he moved into his apartment. Lily's attitude: yeah, and...? They bicker and snipe, bicker and snipe, until Lily pulls out her trump card: "Your children's clothes go in that washing machine." And god forbid the children's clothes should ever see a laundromat. Not that Jake doesn't have an obligation and all that, but if money's tight from setting up another household, why can't Lily just make due for a couple of weeks until there's some money to get another machine? Lily almost redeems herself by adding, "And I can't believe you made me say those words!" Funny, I missed the part where Jake had a gun to her head. So, Jake gives in and agrees to get another machine, and the two sit there uncomfortably, making a point of not looking at one another.
Cut to the bookstore and a folk-say montage that's intended as a little comic relief. The gist is that Rick has the place in a state of chaos, customers are confused (customers? I thought they never had customers), and Judy is less than thrilled. The big finale? No, not the old swinging-two-by-four-in-the-face gag, although it certainly would not have been out of place. Judy gets her skirt snagged while helping Rick and tears off the bottom half of it. "We have to talk," says a pissed off, fed-up Judy to Lily in the back office.
Cut to a neon coffee cup -- oh, the irony! -- beyond which Lily and Judy sit at a sidewalk table, their hands wrapped around coffees-to-go. Judy hesitantly informs Lily that Ian the director has offered her a job, and suddenly the thought of making those crappy cable commercials is appealing. Lily questions Judy's decision, and an argument ensues. Judy basically accuses Lily of being selfish (go Judy!) and points out that everything about the bookstore and everything else, for that matter, is how Lily needs it to be. Lily, fueled by righteous indignation, bitches that she covered for Judy while Judy took a six-week vacation. Judy's first vacation in six years, as Judy points out. Oof. Good point. Changing gears, Lily smiles and shakes her head condescendingly, asking, "Are you bored?" She then goes on to accuse Judy of being a flake. Calamity Judy pouts and says that the "store's not big enough for the two of [them]." Lily disagrees. Judy insists that Lily needs support, and then levels the blow: "One thing I know about you is that you always have someone to support you." (Sing it, sista!) Lily looks stunned but still manages a stink-eye, which is no mean feat.
Apparently, Lily decides that it would be a good idea to visit Rick and check on the progress at the bookstore in her pissy, post-argument state. She walks in and surveys the damage while a saw whines off-screen. She moves toward the saw, and when Rick sees her, he proudly asks what she thinks and leans in to kiss her cheek. Lily moves past him, coldly, and then proceeds to bitch about him barging in and taking over. She tells him that she can't afford the coffee bar, and she didn't ask for it. He says that she did. She says she didn't. Rick gets indignant, and Lily wisely shuts the hell up and reflects on all the crap she just spewed. She apologizes, and then starts crying and says that she has to go home. Rick watches her silently, looking concerned.
Now Rick's at home, lying on his bed, and we're somehow hovering above him. Not a bad place to be, really. He's tossing and catching a football while Deep Thoughts-by-Jack-Handie music plays in the background. Rick sighs. He's troubled.
B/W Rick shares a little of his hero complex with us. I think it's meant to endear him to us, but personally I find it a little insulting. But I'll let you judge: "There is something about the idea of rescuing a woman..." As his voice trails, we cut to Lily, Queen of Helplessness, lying in her bed. Then quickly back to Rick's bedside phone. It's ringing. Lily's voice comes through the line: "Charles Dickens explained it all so perfectly." Somehow -- I guess because they're soulmates --- Rick knows exactly to which line, out of the thousands Dickens scribed, Lily is referring. "'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,'" he intones. "Exactly," Lily purrs. Rick then adds, "All Dickens had to deal with was revolutions and beheadings and stuff." Right...he had nothing on Lily and her broken-but-soon-to-be-replaced-by-a-brand-new-one washing-machine woes. Or, as Rick calls them, "the really important things." Lily immediately asks if she can see him the day. Dependent, much?
The morning, Jake strides into Lily's kitchen, where Lily's busy at the chopping board. In a chesty baritone, tells her that the mortgage is paid and the day is saved. He adds that he didn't take the extension because he knew she was worried. Lily takes a deep breath and blurts that she wants a formal financial agreement. Jake looks like someone just knocked him off that big white horse he rode in on. He tells her it's easier to just leave things as they are, but Lily stands firm. She points out that he's the one who complicated things in the first place. He barks that she threw him out. "And why did I do that?" Lily demands. Jake says that other marriages survive affairs and then tries to throw the onus back on Lily by suggesting that she just gets off on "being a victim." Lily retorts that, if that were the case, she'd still be with him. Ooh, burn! Jake's eyes bug, and his mouth gapes. He staggers around for a minute before regaining control of himself and saying that they can have an agreement, but NO LAWYERS. He turns and slams out the back door.
Cut to Lily standing in a park, looking off-screen like she's waiting for someone. Three guesses. Rick appears from the other side and sneaks up on her. They stand in front of one another with their hands shoved awkwardly in their pockets. Rick says he wants to apologize, but he doesn't feel sorry. Attaboy! He says that he wasn't busting his ass for her because he had nothing better to do; she asked him to help. Lily denies it. Rick says she was putting out "rescue me" signals all week "like a beacon flashing." Lily realizes there's some truth to what he's saying and looks upset. Rick assures her that there's nothing wrong with needing help, but she cuts him off to say that there is. She gets all huffy and explains, "All my life, people have always said this about me. That I'm manipulative. That I'm helpless. And I don't get it. [CLEARLY!] Because I don't try to do that." Fine, she doesn't mean to be needy and manipulative. I'm ready to forgive her, but then she goes on, "My face is my face. I can't help the way it looks." I really wish I could believe that she means she can't stop herself from looking sad or helpless, but I know she means she's just so damn beautiful that people want to do everything for her. So, Lily's a victim of her own beauty? Please. Number one, that statement is so arrogant I could puke, and number two, even though you can't help the way you look, you can certainly help the way you act. Or don't act, as the case may be. Anyway, Ricky-poo leaps at the bait and tells her, in this mushy-mush voice, "I like your face." "You do?" Lily pouts. "Every helpless inch of it," Rick says. Ugh. Lily laughs and throws her forehead against his chest, where she rests for a few seconds. She straightens up and announces that she's "let people take care of [her] too much, and [she] has to stop." Nice speech, but I'll believe it when I see it. Case in point: She asks Rick to ignore her if she seems to be asking for help. She asks him "not to get on that big white horse and come charging in." Again, putting the onus on someone else. Rick says he doesn't know if he can do that (his part is small enough already, after all). This exchange, complete with pleading looks and plaintive questions, continues a bit longer. Rick finally asks what he should do. "Just hold me," Lily answers. He does, and she clings to him like a barnacle. She gets misty and snuffles into his shoulder: "Judy might leave the store." Lily says she's afraid that if Rick finds out what a mess her life is, he'll "get back on that horse and ride in the opposite direction." Rick looks adoringly into her eyes before kissing her. He wraps his arm protectively around her shoulder as the scene fades.
time we see Lily, she's at home and taking care of business. The repairman has just brought her a new machine. But, wah, wah, wah...it won't fit into the space left by the old one, even though it's the same model. Why oh why can't Lily get a break? The repairman-cum-philosopher answers: "Things change. You'll make yourself crazy looking for reasons." He says he'll get her a different model -- no extra charge. It must be that face of hers. Lily kicks the offending machine. Hey, that's got to go back to the store, princess.
Later, at the bookstore, Lily's still taking care of business. She's unpacking a box of books as Judy walks in. The temperature drops about twenty degrees. Frosty! Judy plunges right in and says that Lily has to make room for her if she wants Judy's help. From behind her emotional wall, Lily insists that she doesn't need help (unless it's from Rick); she has to take care of herself. They go back and forth, airing their grievances, until there's a breakthrough. Judy says that Lily doesn't share her feelings or problems with her. Lily says she doesn't want to share because (hypocrisy alert!) Judy makes everything about herself. When she's finished bashing Judy, Lily makes to leave, saying she's got to pick up Zoe. Judy throws out, "I always wanted to be you. My only hope was to make what you had look bad." Lily remains steely, however, and repeats that she has to leave. "If I stayed, I'd be taking care of you, and I need to take care of my children and myself," she says. She takes a few steps toward the door, then stops and turns back. Sighs. She tells Judy that she doesn't want her to leave the store. See, now was that so hard? They hug and cry and then Lily leaves.
But it doesn't end there, kids. Oh, no. Seems the creative types behind the show still haven't gotten their artsy impulses out of their system with those black-and-white interruptions, so they indulge them with a really cheesy super-eight flashback of two young girls laughing and running through a sprinkler. And they superimpose this flashback on Judy, so we know that she's thinking it. Why? Why?! I have no idea.
Fin