Thanks to Bonnie for sending me the episodes I was missing from season one. Without her generosity, and the bad haircut that's keeping me from setting foot outside my apartment today, this recap wouldn't be happening. Plus, there's only two weeks until the new season starts, so I figured I should get my ass in gear and start flexing my recapping muscles, which have all but atrophied over the last three incredibly lazy months.
Okay, one more quick thanks to Angela for letting me know I was actually missing a few minutes from the beginning, and for being kind enough to lend me her tape to remedy it. So, taking it from the top...
We open on an exterior shot of Manning Manor. Lily emerges through the front door in a hugely oversized sweater, her pajama bottoms, and slippers. She strides down the walk, jauntily swinging her arms, to grab the morning paper. As she picks it up, she glances toward the street and finds Rick staring back at her from his truck. She clutches her hand to her throat, more out of surprised pleasure than shock at being so obviously stalked. She grins widely and runs across the street like a kid chasing an ice cream truck, and he beams at her. She "can't believe [he] came over" and he claims "it was on [his] way." A likely story. She glances over her shoulder and says she only has a second. "So go," he bluffs. "No, you have to kiss me more," she orders. He obliges, obliges, obliges and then offers her the back seat, which she declines with the excuse that she really has to go. He calls her a "chicken," and she makes a playful face at him before dashing back across the street. She has to pause midway, of course, for the requisite sigh and meaningful glance, which Rick returns. Good thing there's no traffic on that street at this hour, or Lily'd be a puckering, sighing, hood ornament.
Cut to Grace in the kitchen, griping into the cordless, "No, it's fine. I can just never show my face at school again." Lily bounds in with the newspaper, prompting Grace to cut the phone call short. Grace the little Gestapo wants to know where Lily was, since it took her ten minutes to get the newspaper. Lily dodges the question with one of her own, asking what Grace means when she says she can't show her face at school again. "No one wants to see my face anyway," Grace pouts. Lily prods, Grace resists, Lily prods, Grace resists. Grace finally reveals that what happened didn't happen at school and asks whether she may just go. Lily hugs her gently, like she's incredibly fragile.
Soliloquy Lily hops on the Stool to share, "Even when she was a baby, I couldn't get enough of her smell. I would sneak into her room when she was asleep and bury my nose in her hair and..." She shakes her head fondly and sniffs loudly, as if sucking up the scent. She beams, "I can still get away with it every now and then." Okay, does that mean Lily's actually sniffing Grace now, as she's hugging her in the kitchen? Because that's, um, a little odd.
Soliloquy Grace gripes, "She always says I can tell her anything, but then she makes the biggest deal out of it." You know, I can't imagine Grace smelling anything but sour.
Back in the kitchen, Grace finally opens up as she loads books into her backpack. She says, "People heard about what happened between you and...that dad." Lily clutches her pearls and asks what Grace means. Grace stammers and hints at what she and Jake and Zoe interrupted on the couch the other night.
Soliloquy Grace bitches through her scrunched up face, "I'm just never going to tell her anything again." Cool. Do us the same favor, while you're at it.
Grace tells Lily it's actually even worse than that: people think the interrupted couple was Grace and Eli, not the parents. Lily is shocked for a split second and then bursts out laughing, which no doubt does wonders for Grace's limping ego. "Well, at least people think I'm capable of having sex, which clearly will never happen in real life," Grace says, her voice soggy with self-pity. Lily lectures her not to worry about what other people think of her: she needs to live her own life. "That doesn't apply to high school," Grace sneers, grabbing her backpack and blowing out of the kitchen.
Cut to Lily shelving books at the bookstore. "How could I not know that going out with another parent from the school would be a disaster?" she complains to Naomi. "He's a parent at the school?" Naomi parrots, and Lily reminds her that she knew that already. Naomi asks who it is. Lily pauses for a second, smiles to herself at the thought of him, and says, "Rick Sammler." Naomi expresses her shock that Lily is dating Rick, reeling, "Rick Sammler was the one undressing [Lily] in her living room?" Lily shushes her and glances around nervously. After a beat, she asks uncertainly, "Well, so, what's wrong with Rick Sammler?" She tries to look as though she's not terrified of the answer. "Nothing, except his ex-wife is one of my best friends," Naomi says, dryly. Lily is stunned to hear that that's Naomi's friend Karen. She covers her face with her hands and mopes on a stack of books.
Cut to Grace in a classroom, getting a pep talk from some woman in a running suit, who's admonishing the students that if they don't "get [their] butts out there and act like a carnival means something to [them]," they won't have any of the sports programs they've all come to know and love. Eli saunters into the room, and Grace has to divert her eyes before her corneas get scorched. He glances briefly at Grace as he passes down the row of desks, and everyone else giggles and whispers. The chick in the running suit starts delegating jobs, saddling Grace with signs and then asking who still doesn't have an assignment. Hmmm. Three guesses. Eli uncomfortably shifts at the back of the room, which draws the teacher's attention. She pairs him up with Grace and another girl. Grace can barely catch her breath as she glances over her shoulder. Eli sort of smirks to himself.
Out in the hallway, some girl expresses sympathy for Grace for having to work on the carnival. "Any cute guys, at least?" the girl asks. Grace gives her an "oh please," which the girl correctly interrupts as a yes, and asks who. Grace doesn't even have to say it; the girl figures out Eli's involved. "Well, he is cute," she concedes. They stroll past a couple of girls who toss out a condescending "Hi Grace" in unison. They give her a disparaging look, and one says, "Nice blouse." Somehow, it isn't a compliment. Grace looks at her for a second but decides just to say thanks and move along. Not before muttering "bitch" under her breath, though.
Over at Manning Manor, Zoe's twirling around in a pale blue leotard and tights. She dances trough the dining room, where Jake's slumped on a stair, chin in hand, watching her. He nags her about doing her homework, but she deftly avoids getting roped in. Instead, she asks, "Can I have another cupcake?" Jake mutters something about her "mother" not wanting her to "have all that sugar." Zoe pooh-poohs him: "Dad, sugar has no effect. That's what grown-ups say who don't want to get fat." Or a wealth of other diseases and health problems. Sugar is evil, people. That's why it's so damn good. Jake, getting desperate, makes another attempt at getting Zoe to tackle her homework, saying, "We all have to work." Zoe's got an answer for this, too, informing him that "nobody does their homework in the afternoon." Then she asks why she can't have another cupcake. Jake's dangling at the end of his rope. He slaps his hands on his knees and stands up, saying in a warning tone, "Zoe, your mother and I talked about this putting things off." He hands her another cupcake as she sighs a weary "I know, I know." Jake scoops her up and tells her to get to work, and she feigns a headache. So another cupcake is just what she needs.
Grace and Lily come in through the back door, and Grace gives Jake a big hello. The she notices Zoe's hand and snipes, "She's eating my cupcakes!" She appeals to Lily, who explains they're "tomorrow's dessert" and asks how many Zoe had. Jake says two, but Zoe prods him with a nudge in the ribs, and he confesses, "Okay, I had one too." Zoe points out that there's still one left. How thoughtful of them to leave Grace one. Grace, fed up, blows out of the room to head upstairs, and Lily asks whether Zoe has done her homework. Zoe scrambles out of Jake's arms and rushes off upstairs. "I thought you were going to play bad cop this week," Lily says when the kids are gone. She formally thanks him for taking the kids, but he misses his cue to leave and hops up on the counter. He snaps up the cupcake box and is about to grab the last one, but Lily wrestles it from him and admonishes him that it sends the wrong signals when he hangs around. Jake defends himself, saying he was helping with homework, "as discussed," and that as soon as the girls come downstairs again, they're leaving. He apologizes for "last week" and adds, "Don Lipson thought it was very funny, by the way." Lily spins around and demands, "Thought what was funny?" Jake gestures toward the living room, answering, "Well, you on the couch with...what was that guy's name?" Lily is agape. "You told Don Lipson?" Jake quickly says no, then sniggers, "Don Lipson told me, in car pool this afternoon." Lily doesn't see the humor. She wants to know who told Don Lipson. Jake explains that "gossip like that doesn't go to waste. And certainly not at this school." Lily gives him the stink-eye and asks, "And what exactly did Don Lipson tell you?" Jake kids that he challenged him to a duel before Don Lipson could finish the story, because he had to protect Lily's honor. She glowers, "There's nothing wrong with my honor." No, but your sense of humor could use an adjustment. Jake agrees, and seeing how angry she's getting, assures her that it's all okay. "You can do whatever you want. I just want what's best for you," he smarms. How big of him. She thanks him, seemingly sincerely, and he kisses her forehead. The girls clamber in with their overnight bags, and Jake herds them to the door. As she kisses Lily goodbye, Grace mutters, "Get me some cupcakes, okay?" For once, I can't take issue with her pettiness.
Cut to Rick's place, where he nervously ushers Lily toward the dining room table. He says he's not sure why, but he "got it in [his] head that [she] likes sea bass." Guppy, man, she likes guppy. Lily smiles widely and says she's impressed. He pours her a glass of wine, and they drink to her proclamation that if she never cooked another meal in her life, it'd be too soon.
During dinner, he regales her with battle stories from the architecture front, reminiscing abut one woman who insisted that he ship six tons of pink marble back to Italy because it clashed with her cat. Lily laughs raucously, and Rick looks pleased. There's a pause in the conversation, and Rick snags it as a chance to lick the back of Lily's neck. She looks a little less than comfortable, as would I if someone with sea-bass breath started trailing saliva all over me. Rick senses her tension, and moves back toward his chair with an inquisitive look. She playfully reaches out to pull him back, and with a whole bunch of smiling and sighing and gazing in adoration, he finally sits back down again. "If you need to go, it's okay," he says. She insists that isn't the case, and then says, in measured tones, "So, this is our fourth date." He smiles, "Fifth, if you count the one when you broke up with me." Lily chuckles and apologizes, adding, "I just don't know what you expect of me." Lily's squirming in her seat, thinking of the steaming monkey love in which they engaged the last time they got together. It's not that she's getting hot, though. Just bothered. She's not sure what Rick expects from her now that she's given up the goods. "Do I help you clean up?" she wonders. "Do we go upstairs, and then clean up?" Rick chuckles and suggests, "We can make love while we clean up." Lily asks whether that's what he expects of her. Rick keeps his smile firmly in place and assures her, "I don't expect anything from you. He said. Again." Lily looks grave for a second and then says she's not sure "all of this" is as easy as he may want it to be. He scoots closer and plants a kiss on her forehead, softly telling her just to "hush up." As he gets down to some neck nibbling, Lily informs him that if he wants to get anywhere, he shouldn't let her talk. He needs to shut her up or, better yet, "hit [her] over the head with something very large." She lays her head on his shoulder, and confesses that all she's been thinking of since she got there is "when can [they] go upstairs." The two exchange a giddy look and pop up from the table just as the phone rings. They ignore it, rushing for the stairs, but Karen's voice on the machine stops them like a cold shower. She's on her way over to pick up some homework Jessie forgot. The mood? Bludgeoned. Rigor mortis is setting in. Lily grabs her coat and says she'll go. Rick insists that she stay. Lily says that it's bad enough their kids go to the same school, and everyone's already talking about it, but this isn't how Karen should learn that they're going out. Rick thinks that's ridiculous -- they're not doing anything wrong. Lily races for the door, but the bell rings. She gasps, trapped. She covers her mouth, helplessly wondering what they can do. Valium comes to mind. Rick says that she'll meet Karen. Lily has a better idea: she'll turn tail and slip into Rick's bedroom.
As Lily flies up the stairs, Rick scrambles to carry the table settings -- blazing candles and all -- to the kitchen sink. Why doesn't he blow out the candles? That's a hazard. Following the show's code of exes, Karen goes ahead and lets herself in. Seeing Rick, she says, "Hey. I just called. You didn't answer." Rick lies that he was in the bathroom. I'm fond of that one myself. Rick says Jessie's homework is upstairs, and Karen moves in that direction. He heads her off, quickly saying he'll get it. As he checks in on Lily with a silent helpless wave of his arms, Karen calls out, "What smells so good? Are you actually cooking?" Rick slips into Jessie's room and grabs the papers, waving at Lily again as he heads for the stairs. She makes some urgent gesture to show that she's wigged out, but it looks more like she has to go the bathroom. Why is she so buggy? It's not like she's sixteen and entertaining a guy in her parent's basement with her pants around her ankles, her bra and shirt across the room, and her father's feet pounding down the stairs. Now that is cause for panic. And no, I don't speak from experience.
Downstairs, Rick hands off the homework to Karen, who sniffs the air. Rick smells it, too. and races toward the kitchen sink, which appears to be on fire. See? Never leave burning candles unattended, people. They put those stupid warning stickers on them for a reason. Rick turns on the taps and pulls the burnt tea towel from the sink, along with the candle that set it ablaze. He put a cloth in the sink with an open flame. Now that's just not smart. Seeing the candle, Karen's ass-pole finally leaps to attention. She knows what's been going on around here! She rolls her eyes and exhales loudly, before rushing for the door. She remembers Jessie's homework and turns back for it, making apologetic sounds. The ass-pole gives her another angry jab, and Karen races for the door as if her dignity lies intact just on the other side.
As the door swings closed behind Karen, Lily cautiously creeps onto the landing and peers at Rick. He forces himself to make a joke, asking, "Hungry?" Lily smiles awkwardly as we fade to commercial.
We return to find Grace and Eli on the floor. At school, painting posters. What'd you think? They're making signs advertising hot dogs for sale. Almost immediately, Eli defaces his, changing "dogs" to "hogs" with the justification that that's what they're really made of. Oh, what a consumer advocate he is. Now that I know they're made with hogs and not actual dogs, I'm never touching another weenie. Grace giggles and changes her poster to "I hate hot dogs." Eli's on a roll now, and adds an advisory to his sign: "Run Screming [sic]!" Grace laughs and points out that "screaming" is spelled with an "a." Some teacher strolls in and catches them acting like idiots and slaying themselves with more jokes about how horrible hot dogs are.
I like hot dogs.
Anyway, the woman hands them each a sheet of paper, explaining that they're the schedules for working the carnival. She says they should be happy -- they're working the popcorn booth together. Grace tries to play it cool, but you just know her heart's lodged somewhere near her voice box.
Soliloquy Gracie pops up with an eye roll and a healthy dose of bitterness. She says she once saw a picture of Lily in high school, and "you could just tell she was, like, perfect." Would any of us expect anything less?
We cut to the accused, strolling hand in hand with Zoe amidst the carnival preparations in the schoolyard. She's smiling and does, indeed, look perfect. They find Grace in one of the stalls, hanging stuffed animals from the ceiling. Lily says they need to get going because Zoe has homework. Zoe hoists herself over the counter into the booth, claiming that she doesn't. Lily concedes, saying that they can stay a little while longer.
Back to Soliloquy Grace, who's still griping. She says she finds it hard to believe, given how beautiful Lily was, that she has any idea what Grace's "life is like, at all." With yet another bilious eye roll, Grace bitches, "Everyone loves her and wants to talk to her."
Back at the school, Lily approaches Naomi, who's busy working on some booth. "Well, you're a better parent than I am," Lily jokes, slinging her arm across Naomi's shoulders. "Well, I should hope so," Naomi retorts. She asks whether Lily's any good with a hammer. Despite her Bob Vila-inspired getup of denim on denim, Lily admits that she's not so good with the tools. Shocking, no? Naomi thrusts the hammer at her anyway. A couple of other women join them in the booth and almost immediately start talking shit about some woman who isn't there because her ex-husband is a selfish scum-sucking rat bastard who went camping for the weekend. Or something. Then they start pecking away at another woman who had a face lift that went decidedly wrong. Lily is shocked to hear the woman had surgery: "She's so beautiful!" "Not anymore," Goody Gossip snipes, and seems satisfied the vain bitch got what she deserved. Nice.
Soliloquy Lily takes to the Stool, reminiscing about her picture-perfect, bobby-socks- and-pompons high-school existence. "Time of my life," she remembers, smiling. Then she turns to the camera and says, straight-faced, "Totally alone." She chuckles wryly.
Lily and Naomi stroll away from the gossip mongers, and Lily asks whether the two of them are like the Goodies when they dish behind other people's backs. Naomi assures her that they only show "care and concern when [they] talk about other people." Lily hesitates and then cautiously asks whether the Goodies are already talking about her. Naomi says no, scrunches up her face and reassuringly adds, "But it's only a matter of time."
Soliloquy Lily butts in with the observation, "Everybody thought they knew me, but they didn't know a thing. Not a thing."
Back at the carnival, Naomi's keeping on with the sarcasm: "They don't have lives, so they have to eat other people's." Some woman offscreen calls to Naomi, who steps off to join her. Lily glances around the school grounds and spots Rick shooting some baskets with a few kids. He turns and sees her watching him, and she smiles, making a tiny gesture with her hand for him to follow her. He doesn't get it. She turns and slowly walks backwards away from him, waiting for him to figure it out. She gestures again. Jeebus, I'd have lost it and just shouted at him by now. Finally, he gets it and takes off in tow.
Cut to Rick strolling down an empty hallway inside the school, looking around for Lily. He rounds a corner and breaks out in a smile. Lily reaches for him, and they smooch. Rick tries out his spyspeak, to which Lily responds, "You'd make the worst spy in the world." He claims he didn't have his glasses, so he couldn't figure out what she was trying to tell him with all those gestures. He asks, "What happened out there?" prompting Lily to beat her head against his chest and explain, "Do you remember when you were a kid? How the girls were always meaner than the boys? You should hear them now!" To his credit, Rick doesn't respond. To my own credit, I'm going to pass over this chance to ream Lily and simply point out that being an asshole isn't gender-dependent. The boys at my school could be pretty mean when they wanted to be: witness wedgies, pantsings, nasty nicknames, and rumors that were spread about non-athletic boys, shapely girls, and the kids whose parents were a little out there. I hate this bullshit attitude that women and girls are way worse than men and boys for this kind of thing. ["Me too. I could talk about how much those people suck for hours, and never get tired or repeat myself -- as anyone who's ever spent any time at the Wing Manor Patio of Slander can attest." --Wing Chun] Anyway, Rick asks whether "they" are talking about him and Lily. "Not yet," Lily exclaims, and adds, "At least not to my face." "To hell with them," Rick says, sucking Lily's bottom lip. "Who cares what they think?" Lily, obviously. They hear someone coming, and Lily jumps out of Rick's grasp, trying to make it look as though they weren't just making out. They could get expelled for that, you know, and then their parents would find out and it'd be all over school what a slut Lily is. They watch, their faces masks of anal retention, as a harmless student walks by. As soon as the coast is clear, they're groping again, and Lily fondly wonders, "Who made you so handsome?" Rick quips, "I bet you say that to all the fathers." "That's me -- school slut," Lily teases back. "Thank god!" Rick answers. Lily starts having an attack of conscience again, slumping her head against his chest and asking whether they can "keep this just between the two of [them] for a while -- for the kids' sake." Rick stares at her with a loving smile while Lily's eyes slip back and forth along the hallway. Operation Covert Makeout is taking its toll.
Cut to Rick's apartment later that night. Eli tickles and teases Jessie before she races off upstairs, giggling. Alone with Rick, Eli mentions that he got the schedule for working the carnival. Rick studies it and makes his guppy mouth. "Oh!" he exclaims, and rubs his chin as the camera cuts in for a close-up on the schedule. Looks like Lily and Karen will be rubbing elbows in one of the booths. Rick chuckles with a sense of doom. "I forgot to tell you: looks like our mom is working with The Mom," Eli says. He offers to talk to the teacher who set up the schedule, saying that she tries to act like a hard-ass but is really okay. Rick points out another area of interest on the timetable: Eli and Grace. Eli chuckles over it and says, "She's cool. I don't mind working with her." "You two are already sleeping together, from what I hear," Rick teases. He gets an elbow in the gut.
Meanwhile, over at Manning Manor, Lily's studying the timetable over a sizzling skillet of ground beef. She spots the love match, asking, "Is that...?" Grace pretends to be bummed about working with Eli, saying it makes her really uncomfortable, but the teacher in charge of the schedule is "totally mean and will kill [Grace] if she asks her" to change it. Uh huh. A plume of smoke billows from Grace's corduroys. Lily sagely advises her to look at it as a "life lesson." And I think we all see where this is going: Lily's going to choke on those very words in five...four..three.... "Oh my god!" she mutters, moving the schedule closer to her eyes. "I'm supposed to work with his ex-wife?" she stammers. Grace is eating from a Chinese take-out container and mumbles around the rice, "Mmm, I was waiting for you to see that." Lily plasters on a bloodless smile and grits, "There's no way." Grace insists that she can't change it, and Lily demands that she do so. Grace pleads for her life, reminding Lily of the terrifying teacher and the advice to take it "as a life lesson." Lily cops out and says that she's older than Grace; she doesn't need any more life lessons. I know. I laughed so hard I think I bruised a rib. Grace points out that it's only an hour, and Lily absently mutters for her to call Zoe to dinner. Grace accepts this change of subject as acquiescence and hugs Lily gratefully before leaving. Lily tugs at her lip and stares at the schedule like it has a code she needs to crack.
The second Grace is gone, Lily casts a sly look over her shoulder and heads for the phone. She starts griping and moaning in Naomi's ear about the schedule before we cut to Grace's room where, somehow, Grace is also on the phone with one of her friends. Pardon me while I pick this nit: I've never heard mention of a second phone line at Manning Manor, especially since Grace and Lily are often fighting over the phone. What gives? Anyway, Grace is clearly ecstatic over the thought of being confined to a three-by-three booth with Eli.
Back to Lily, who's trying to convince Naomi to switch spots with her. Naomi protests that she'll "get in trouble." Has every woman on this show regressed to high school tonight? Lily begs harder. Grace protests to her friend that she didn't arrange it -- it happened by chance. Naomi grudgingly gives in while Grace gushes, "Isn't that the coolest thing ever? It's unbelievable!" Her friend's tinny voice warbles, "You're soooo lucky, Grace!" as we fade to commercial with a sense of foreboding. Come on -- we all know no one stays that happy in high school for long.
It's carnival time when we return. Rick's just pulled into the school's parking lot, and spots Lily across the way popping open the rear door on her behemoth SUV. He's about to call and wave when Jake and Zoe emerge from the other side of the truck, reminding him that he needs to maintain cover. He slowly tucks his hand away as Jessie and Eli sneak up behind him with a surprise attack. Jessie hops on his back and the three of them head into the carnival.
Grace pops out of Lily's SUV and scopes her reflection in its big black windows. Lily catches her and tells her to come on, asking, "Are you wearing makeup?" Grace hides her embarrassment behind a plaintive wail of "Mom!" She moves ahead of Lily, who cocks her head, intrigued by this new development.
Soliloquy Grace returns to do what she does best: gripe. With eyes wide and rolling, she complains that Lily worries when she's not having a good time -- that it means Grace is depressed or anxious. Grace points out that these are valid reactions to high school. She's got me there.
Rick and his kids have hooked up with Karen, and they're moving as a familial unit through the entrance to the festivities. Rick spots Lily across the courtyard, talking with a group of women. She meets his eyes and then looks down, careful to keep the same stony expression in place. Eli spots Jennifer in the big inflatable jumping thing-y. I can't believe I've forgotten what that thing's called. It was always my favorite thing at carnivals. And its presence here suggests that this is no ordinary, two-bit bake-table-and- penny-raffle school carnival. Anyway, Eli rushes off to meet his girlfriend, and Jessie hits up Rick for some cash. She's smart and starts high, asking for a twenty. He comes back with an offer of ten, asking why she's always tapping him for money instead of Karen. "Because you're so much easier," Jessie grins. Careful, now, or that'll be all over school and his reputation will be ruined. Oh, wait. He's a guy, which means his reputation will be made.
Finally freed of their familial hangers-on, Rick and Lily smile at one another across a crowded midway. There're too many eyes around, though, so she spins on her heel and heads off to her booth, clutching her money tray like a life preserver.
Grace and Eli, meanwhile, are manning the popcorn booth. Grace is staring into the gaping maw of an empty popcorn machine -- the kind they have at cinemas -- and wondering how to fire up the thing. Grace very obviously has itchy pants when Eli is around. She can't even look at him, she's so nervous.
Soliloquy Grace exposits: "When you like a boy, it is impossible to be rational. I mean, you think about him, like, five hundred times a day, whether you want to or not!" She's giddy.
Grace stares at the machine and proclaims it "stupid" because she doesn't know how to work it. She wonders how "they expect them to know how to do this." She tells Eli that there's "some kind of booklet over there," and suggests that he "read to [her] what it says." Eli's trapped. Reading? Actual words? He doesn't know how to get out of it, though, so he starts looking for the booklet. Grace struggles to catch her breath and fights an urge to giggle out loud. Ah, hormones.
Soliloquy Grace is back, and this time she's lying through her little black-and-white teeth: "This is theoretical, you understand. I don't actually like anybody right now." She squirms a little on the Stool as a little curl of smoke rises from her seat.
Back in the booth, Eli makes a show of "reading" the manual, and then quickly tosses it aside with the bold pronouncement, "Instructions are for wimps!" When it comes to Ikea and Kinder Egg toys, I'm with you man, but this is a potentially flammable machine. This is not going to end well. Eli starts dumping cup after cup of kernels into the popping basket, while Grace tries to think how she can stop him and insist they follow the instructions without making him think she's a dork. She can't think of a way, though, so she just stands there with her mouth hanging open. Finally, she works up the nerve. "I don't think you're supposed to put that much in," she says shyly. "I'm not gonna eat it," is Eli's rationed response. Grace slides her eyes to the side, à la Susanna Hoffs, while smiling widely and blushing furiously. There's a gurgling rush as Eli dumps in the oil. A lot of oil. Did I mention that this is going to end badly?
Lily, meanwhile, is striding along the game booths. She stops dead and spins around, ducking her head in horror as she checks her watch with a sinking feeling. She slowly turns to face the unspeakable -- Karen occupying the booth Lily's supposed to work. Running her hand through her hair, she takes a deep breath and steps forward to meet her destiny. She holds out her hand and introduces herself to Karen. The two of them express their confusion over the turn of events that led them to be at this place in time -- each of them thought they'd be working with someone else. Karen is, however, blissfully unaware of why Lily is so uncomfortable. She shrugs off the messed-up schedule by rolling up her sleeves and declaring, "Well, we'll just show them how to bust balloons, okay?" Again, Lily runs a hand nervously through her hair. Forcing a laugh, she agrees.
Cut to a close-up of the dunk tank, replete with plastic floating lilies, being filled by a garden hose. "Need a hand?" Jake's disembodied voice asks. The camera pans up as Rick jumps, startled first by the offer, and then by the man who made it. He asks Jake to help him move part of the dunk tank's framework. As Rick fidgets over the thing with a wrench, Jake watches with a wry smile and finally holds out his hand, saying, "Jake Manning. I don't think we were actually introduced." (Remember, back in the pilot, when Jake and the girls caught Rick and Lily making out like a couple of horny teenagers on Lily's couch? Okay, that's what he's referring to.) Rick laughs and shakes his hand. I think we're supposed to notice the contrast between these two and Lily and Karen, and be impressed with how easily men get over things and bond with one another. It's because they're from Mars, you know.
Naomi the skunk, meanwhile, is trying to sneak past the balloon booth without being noticed. Karen spots her, though, and asks, "What do you mean, you're allergic to latex?" Naomi starts to sputter an excuse but falters, waving her hand as she makes her getaway. Karen stares after her, puzzled, as her ass-pole starts tingling with suspicion. Lily shrugs as if she has no idea why Naomi is acting so strangely.
The menfolk, of course, are getting along swimmingly as they bang and plunk away at the dunk tank's frame. Rick asks whether Jake has a kid at the school, which strikes me as an odd question, since he knows Grace. Whatever, we'll chalk it up to small talk. They're interrupted by a clatter form the neighboring booth, which is in the process of collapsing on the unfortunate student who's manning it. Jake and Rick rush to the kid's rescue, working in sixth-sense sync to MacGyver a new pole. As they work at it, Jake facetiously wonders, "So, I'm not supposed to threaten to kick your ass, or anything, am I?" Rick chuckles heartily and responds, "I was wondering about that." See? Mars.
Venus, meanwhile, bears a striking resemblance to hell. Lily and Karen talk about their kids, and Lily pretends not to know anything about Eli and Jessie. She hears raucous laughter and looks around for the source: her current lover and estranged husband slapping hands after successfully dunking their first victim in the tank.
Cut to Grace and Eli, who are facing a massive eruption of popcorn that's threatening to overwhelm them. As Grace giggles and tries to box some of it, three girls approach. They look smug and stern. One of them is Eli's girlfriend, Jennifer. Things do not look good for Grace, folks. Although, they couldn't possibly look worse than Jennifer's hair, which is being forced into two tiny, Shitzu-inspired ponytails on top of her head. One of the girls asks if the popcorn is falling on the ground, and the other spits, "That is gross!" From the way she says it, you know she really means Grace. Jennifer tells Eli he's got to get in touch with a friend of his to convince him that Eli is driving to the game on the weekend. Or some crap. It's obviously not important, but Jennifer wants a reason to pull Eli away from Grace's seductive wiles. "I think you should talk to him now," she adds for emphasis. Her bitchy little friends exchange a look. Grace touches his arm and tells him to go ahead. Jennifer stares, coolly appraising Grace for several seconds before walking away with Eli and one of her friends. The other friend lingers, and you just know what's coming -- the humiliation scene. Grace has her back to the girl, who's watching her with a reptilian smirk and licking her chops. She waits for Grace to turn around and says, "You think you're going to get him to like you," as if it's the cutest thing she's ever heard. "He's being nice to you because of your mother and his father." Grace's smile fades and she looks dazed. "What?" The bitch goes in for the kill: "He thinks your butt's okay, but your legs are too fat and your breasts are too small. That's what he said." Grace forces air into her lungs, stares at her attacker, and demands, "To who?" The girl stares back and answers, "You're a ninth-grader." She helps herself to a box of popcorn and backs away with a sarcastic "thanks." Grace spins around and steadies herself against the popcorn machine, trying not to cry.
Soliloquy Lily pops up to share the story of her friend, Deb, from high school. Deb had a boyfriend, "Robby...." Lily's at a loss for his last name, which "is upsetting. This destroyed our lives and I can't remember his name."
Back at the balloon booth, Lily's tapping a kid with an inflatable hammer, admonishing him to stand behind the line when he throws his dart. Karen mutters that they can't have any more winners -- they're running out of prizes. Lily points out that when they're out of prizes, they can go home. "Oh, you're right," Karen mumbles, rellishing the naughtiness of it all. "Move them up closer." Lily tells the kid to lean right in.
Soliloquy Lily's still struggling to recall the boyfriend's name.
The two Goodies approach the balloon booth, their faces full of pity. Lily's back is to them, as she's attaching more balloons to the board. Karen mouths, "What?" and the two slither closer. One leans in and whispers, "You okay?" with a pointed glare at Lily's back. Karen has no idea what she's getting at. Lily spins around to ask whether they're going to have enough balloons. Karen assures her they have another bag, and Goody Hag looks from one to the other with a bitchy smile, already imagining the phone calls she's going to make when she gets home. The Goodies say a phony goodbye and slink off. At least they have the decency to move away before cackling and rubbing their hands.
Soliloquy Lily blurts out the boyfriend's name. She remembers how cute he was, "with this really long hair..." She explains that her friend became convinced that Lily was trying to steal him. Lily bites her lip and looks off, troubled.
Meanwhile, there's a mad rush at the popcorn booth, and Grace tries to placate the pushy, impatient mob waving tickets in her face. Overwhelmed by their lack of manners, Grace finally shoves a couple of boxes at them and tells them just to take it, "take it all!" She ducks out of the booth, about to break into sobs.
Jake's busy coaching Jessie on how to hit the bulls-eye on the dunk tank. Rick's sitting in the wet seat, egging her on. Her throw is a lock, and Rick slips into the tank. Jessie and Jake high-five as Rick comes up for air.
Soliloquy Lily reluctantly admits that Robby did keep flirting with her. And she did like him. But she didn't do anything. That was really important to her. But no matter what she said, Deb wouldn't believe her.
Back at the balloon booth, Karen's busy unpacking more prizes as Naomi strides up. Lily spots her and shoots her a warning look. Naomi asks how it's going, and then asks Lily whether she's seen Grace. Lily doesn't know what she means -- Grace is working the popcorn booth. "Yeah, the booth is empty, and the kids are stealing popcorn," Naomi informs her. Karen turns to Lily and asks, "You mean our kids are working in the same booth? Isn't that funny?" Lily forces a tight laugh and agrees. Karen's still not picking up on anything. Poor in-the-dark, everyone's-talking- about-her-business Karen. "And apparently they're both gone," Naomi says, steering them back to the issue at hand. "Together?" Karen asks, chafing. The ass-pole's timing is all wrong. Naomi stammers that no one is implying anything. She says that someone saw Grace and said that she was crying. Lily sighs mightily and Karen tells her to go find Grace. Naomi offers to go with Lily.
Away from Karen, Lily snaps, "How can she not know, with the way you're acting?" Naomi apologizes and says she wouldn't have gone over at all if the popcorn fiasco hadn't forced her to do so. Karen watches their arm-waving exchange with some interest. Lily heads off to find Grace, and Karen catches Naomi's eye. She leaves the booth to ask Naomi "what the hell's going on here." Naomi spins around, desperately seeking a dart or candy-apple stick to impale herself on.
Now Soliloquy Lily is kvetching that her friend started saying terrible things about her: "That I was throwing myself at Robby. That I was calling him at home. I didn't eat for a week."
Lily's wandering the empty halls of the school, calling out for Grace. She passes the classroom where Grace is huddled behind the teacher's desk, wiping at her tears.
Soliloquy Lily remembers how she confronted Deb in the locker room, and how horrible it was with Deb screaming at her in front of everyone. "She had this look on her face like I was a monster," Lily recounts. "And she never spoke to me again."
Karen seethes up to Rick, who's toweling off after his dip in the tank. "Your daughter has much too good an arm," he laughs. She doesn't. She growls, "You can do whatever you want with your life, but if you put me in a situation where everyone on the entire planet knows my business before I do, and makes me the subject of general conversation, then the least you can do is let me in on the joke!" With a punctuating glare, she walks away. Rick stares after her, wondering if it was something he said.
After commercials, we find him rushing after Karen in the parking lot. She tells him to forget it, but he insists he just wants to explain. She's not interested. "I don't want you to leave," he says. "I'm not leaving!" she snaps, throwing open the hatchback on her van. "I left the pies in the back in the sun," she grumbles, grabbing at them. She starts walking back to the carnival, flatly saying, "I'm happy you have a life." Rick trails after her, starting to explain that "this all just started --" Karen spins and cuts him off: "Oh, clearly this has been going on long enough for every woman in this school to be giving me worried looks!" Rick tries to apologize, and she snaps that she doesn't want him or anybody else to be sorry. Use the pie! Hurl it! She says he should have just told her, and let that be the end of it, but he's incapable of having the hard conversations and hurting people and "god forbid someone should be mad at [Rick]!" Her words find their mark. Karen looks at him looking at the ground and then says, "These are melting," before spinning on her heels and carrying her pies off to the bake table. I really wish she had thrown one.
Inside the school, Lily's leaning against an abandoned desk in the hallway. Grace emerges from her hiding spot, unaware that Lily's still there. Lily says her name, and Grace retreats into the classroom. Lily follows, asking whether she's okay. After a few snarky answers from Grace, Lily asks, "Is this about that boy?" "No, Mom, it's about Bosnia," Grace snots. Lily misinterprets Grace's motivation with Eli, apologizing and saying that Grace doesn't have to feel like she should be friends with Eli just because Lily is dating his father. Grace's hands are shoved in her pockets and her shoulders are slumped as she pouts, "Of course I have to spend time with him. We're in the same school, we're in all the same things together, I love him." But not the last part. Lily suggests that Grace just ignore him. "I don't want to ignore him!" Grace blurts. She examines her nails, adding, "He's a junior. He's...cute. He's a boy!" Lily sits in one of the desks with a sympathetic, "Honey..." Grace says, "I know there's no chance." She slumps into the desk to Lily with a sigh and adds, "And anyway, what if you and The Dad...I don't know. He's a boy, and he's nice. And now, all these people have watched me make a complete fool of myself." Lily quickly asserts that Grace is not a fool. Grace's eyes fill with tears. "If you go after something and you have no right to expect it, then you're a fool," she says angrily. Lily distinguishes that Grace didn't go for it -- she wanted to go for it. "People can't make you a fool for wanting something," she insists. "These people can," Grace chokes. Lily studies her for a second and then says she thinks that Grace should go back to the booth. Grace is filled with terror: "They all know! I can't face it." She looks up at Lily with big sad eyes, and Lily relents with a quick and easy, "Okay." Lily says that it's almost time to go, anyway, and tucks a loose chunk of hair behind Grace's ear. Grace looks grateful, and actually grabs Lily's hand when she offers it.
Soliloquy Lily continues her tale of heartbreak and woe, recounting that, a few months after the big blowout, Deb and Robby broke up. By then, they'd all graduated, and Lily was worried about college, not Robby. And of course, that's when he called. He said he couldn't stop thinking about her, and she didn't know what to do....
Back in the school hallway, Lily's doing some heavy thinking. Naomi saunters up and grabs an old wooden desk chair. Spinning in it, she gives Lily the update: "Looters have stripped the abandoned popcorn and balloon booths of all prizes. The National Guard has been called in." Now, hang on a second. I thought the booth jobs were only supposed to last an hour. How come everyone concerned got roped into working them all day? Where the hell was their backup? Yes, I'm being nitpicky, but it really makes no sense. If the writers wanted the added drama of all-day jobs, abandoned booths, and looted prizes, why not just set up the schedule that way in the first place? Naomi scoots her chair over to Lily's side of the hall and asks whether she found Grace. "She was hiding in shame, like her mother," Lily says. Naomi says, "I think it's my duty to tell you that Karen, my ex-best friend, figured it all out." Lily says she's sorry. "Well, you should be," Naomi says, adding, "I mean, who are you to be sexual at your age?" Go Naomi! She's like a precursor to Dr. Wise-Ass, isn't she? "What do you mean, 'sexual'?" Lily demands, getting her back up. "I'm sneaking around like a mouse, but I can't go out with anybody?" Naomi looks at her and says, point blank, "No. You have to live in shame and misery and loneliness, so all the other mothers know they made the right choice." "What choice?" "Domestic bliss! To stay and care for our kids and our husbands and give up any romantic notions we ever had." Lily gets up and storms away, sniping, "I didn't abandon my kids! And Jake left me. I didn't choose to be in this situation!" Naomi wheels after her, scooting along in the desk chair. "Lily! This has nothing to do with you! Dontcha see, in their minds, you broke away from the herd. And god forbid you should actually be thriving out there in the wild! You find this great-looking guy who's already abandoned one of us --" Lily angrily spins to confront Naomi: "She kicked him out!" Naomi laughs at Lily's naïveté: "It doesn't matter. They hate you for it...I hate you for it." Lily groans, "I don't want to be hated. I'm not built for that! I just...." She trails off, rubbing her hands over her face.
Soliloquy Lily's smiling now. She recalls that Robby came over to her house that night, and they started kissing. She inhales sharply at the memory and coos, "Nobody ever kissed me like that before. He was telling me he loved me and I...I...."
A slamming door jars Naomi and Lily to attention, and they spin around to see Rick silhouetted at the end of the hallway. Naomi calls out that it's all right -- she knows everything. Rick slowly paces toward them, his voice smiling as he greets Naomi. They exchange pleasantries until Rick reaches them, and Naomi pushes herself out of the chair, declaring, "I'm leaving now. To go and see the wonderful amusements at our fair." She pecks Rick's cheek as she passes. Rick takes a seat across from Lily and stares at her, sighing heavily. She averts her eyes.
Soliloquy Lily is getting downright giddy now. She recounts that Robby "wanted to make love that night. But that was ridiculous!" She laughs at the thought, and then sombers up, adding, "I wanted to so much." She licks her lips. The wanton slut. No wonder all the women hate her.
Rick complains, "I don't understand this. What is it that we've done that is so wrong? We're divorced and we're sleeping together." Lily shushes him and glances over her shoulder. For a second I think she's being ironic, but then I remember that this is Lily, and she's far too tightly wound in these early episodes for that. Rick laughs and kisses her hand, saying, "We should tell them all to just get a life." Lily withdraws her hand, letting the unheard gossip and unseen dirty looks get to her. She asks whether they've been too fast with things, and Rick immediately says they haven't. Lily agrees, and adds, "But isn't it possible...some of this between us is immature? Maybe they're not completely wrong to gossip about us. Maybe if we were really grown-up --" "What is 'really grown-up'?" Rick asks, leaning back and staring at Lily like he's seeing her for the first time. Lily barely pauses for a breath: "Maybe we'd consider the other people involved -- my daughter, your ex-wife, my ex..." "Husband?" Rick supplies. Lily grunts in frustration and demands, "What does it mean that I couldn't remember that word?" Rick thinks maybe it means she's not fully divorced yet, then wonders how they could have considered all those other people, sarcastically suggesting maybe they should have had a six-month waiting period. Lily laughs ruefully but won't budge from her position: she needs to deal with the fact that everything they do causes "ripples" in other people's lives. "And you know what? I think you're wrong. I think the other people can damn well take care of themselves," Rick says, displaying an admirable length of backbone. "You're talking about my daughter," Lily clenches. Rick points out that his daughter and his son are involved, too, and so are all the other people in their lives "who supposedly want the best for [them]." Lily's at a loss. She looks away for a moment then softly says, "You're mad." "I'm not mad," Rick fumes, adding, "I'm frustrated." Lily sighs and proclaims, with just a whiff of self-righteousness, "Well, I worry about other people. I guess that's just something you're going to have to get used to about me." Or not, since we all know it only lasts for about another ten minutes. Lily makes it clear that they "really need to take a moment." Rick gravely says that he "really understand[s]," and tells her to take "all the time" she needs. She thanks him solemnly, the two of them pinched and quiet as they weigh this new development.
Eli comes banging into the school and pauses at the end of the hallway with an uncertain "Dad?" Rick assures him he's on his way. He quietly promises Lily that they'll talk later and touches her shoulder before heading down the hall.
Soliloquy Lily finishes her sordid little tale, recounting that she was supposed to meet Robby at the beach the night. With a huge smile, she recalls that she couldn't sleep all night -- she "couldn't even breathe." But even though "all of a sudden he had become [her] whole life," she just couldn't go through with it. It mattered more to her what other people thought. She gets all misty, saying she could just hear everyone talking about her, and it didn't matter how good she tried to be; they were just going to hate her anyway.
Karen's back at the balloon booth, and Lily approaches, looking from Karen to Rick.
Soliloquy Lily claims that she doesn't think about this all the time, "but, you understand, [she] never went." She looks into the camera as if she finally realizes the lesson she should have learned all those years ago.
Back in the shoolyard, determined guitars strum as Lily marches in slow motion right past Karen and the balloon booth without another glance. She's got her eye on the prize. Grace, Naomi, and the dour Goodies all stare as Lily strides over to claim her man. We get a close-up of her hand slowly making its way to an unsuspecting Rick's shoulder, the movement emphasized so that we know what a big freaking deal it is that Lily finally grew some balls and decided not to care what other people think. Rick looks pretty happy about it. So does Naomi. Karen, not so much, and the Goodies look as though someone plugged them with a fistful of horseradish. But it doesn't matter, see, because Lily doesn't even notice them. All she sees is Rick.
Sigh.