Hit-Nerd

S09E08

Oscar starts out the episode wondering if Angela has figured out the truth about his affair with the Senator. He's soon satisfied that she hasn't, which she totally has. Her response is to go to Dwight, who thinks she just wants someone spied on. But when he introduces her to his weird friend Trevor, it turns out she's got murder on her mind. For once Dwight is the voice of reason, and manages to talk them down to a simple kneecapping instead.

Meanwhile, both Halperts are finally taking on projects they've been putting off. For Pam, it's that mural in the warehouse that Nellie commissioned, although even today she's getting a slow start. For Jim, it's asking David Wallace if he can work part time so he can be in Philadelphia with his new company more. The only way he can sell that, though, is by getting Phyllis and Stanley to agree to cover for him when he's gone. Which they do, but only after messing with him and making him buy them an expensive lunch at a fancy restaurant.

Pete's taking his job in customer relations to the level by building a tower out of complaint cards. His project soon attracts the attention and support of everyone not currently engaged in another subplot (and Pam), but the only way the tower will reach to the ceiling is if someone comes up with another complaint. Pam takes it on, and in purposely screwing up she finds the courage to face possibly screwing up on her mural, which she finally begins.

Dwight soon figures out that Angela's target is Oscar, and after some silly chasing around the building like a bad farce, Angela confronts Oscar, who escapes with no more injury than an Angela-sized toeprint on his shin. Dwight comforts Angela, and then together they seek some answers from Toby. About gayness. Which, clearly, they desperately need.

Oscar's nervously waiting for Angela to show up for work the day after she may or may not have figured out about his affair with her husband. "If she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual," he talking-heads. When she walks in wearing her usual scowl, Oscar's in so much panic he can barely speak, until she just asks him if the thermostat's acting up. In a hyper-relieved TH, Oscar says she clearly has no clue. "I guess the universe rewards true love." Of course Oscar doesn't know about the daggers Angela's staring through the window behind him.

Truncated credits, but the usual shot of Andy knocking Old Salty off his desk has been replaced by one of Jim kissing Pam. And not knocking her over at all. Does this mean Andy's never coming back? And is everyone else as okay with that as I am?

When the Halperts show up for work, she's wearing painting clothes so she can finally start doing the mural in the warehouse after what has apparently been some procrastination. Jim offers to come help her because he's putting off something of his own: asking David Wallace if he can start working part-time, because without him the new sports marketing company is starting to do stupid shit like name itself "Athlead." Fortunately, Jim has a great opening line: "Hey, David, how'd you like a guy that's not here as much, gets paid the same amount of money, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia?"

Pete has a stack of customer complaint cards, which he's supposed to fill out every time he enters a complaint into the computer. It doesn't make any more sense to Pete than it does to us, and Andy's only response to his question was a direct order to "Chillax." So he's responding by building a house of completed cards. "Fight the power," he self-mocks.

In the break room, Angela quietly but urgently tells Dwight to meet her in the old place. "Five minutes. I need you." Cut to the warehouse, where Angela slides open the door to the storage closet to find him buck naked. When she tells him to get dressed, Dwight pretends he's just working out, which the pixels over his crotch actually are. Angela says the kind of help she needs from Dwight is outside the law, but he tells her he's done with all that: "I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilante." But when Angela says her marriage is in danger, Dwight texts a former volunteer sheriff and gets a text right back. Another one?

Jim's call to Wallace isn't going so well, until he says that Phyllis and Stanley have agreed to cover for him when he's gone. Cut to Jim in the break room trying to convince them to actually do so, and calling on their friendship doesn't seem to be cutting much ice. "Let me take you to lunch and I'll make my case," he says, which seems to get their attention.

Pete's building a new tower of cards starting with a wide base, and doesn't seem to be able to convince Kevin that he plans to make it taller. "He's a sweet kid, Darryl, but not the sharpest guy in the drawer," Kevin murmurs to Darryl when he wanders in.

Dwight and Angela are wandering along outside when he suddenly grabs her and stuffs her in a parked van. "Is it safe to talk?" asks the alpha-nerd in the driver's seat. "Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years but I don't see them so I think we're good," Dwight says. Angela asks if the guy, Trevor, has a gun, so he obligingly shows her a receipt, due to his unfortunate tendency to have his guns stolen from him.

Pam's up on the cherry picker in the warehouse, contemplating a ten-by-ten section of wall and trying not to be self-conscious about it. "You paint now?" Hide calls from below, settling in to watch. Not helping.

Pete's tower is accumulating levels and observers as he reads off the cards. Complaints include Meredith referring to a seminary as a "sausage factory" and Darryl pocket-dialing a client during sex. Although Darryl confessing-heads that he was actually eating spaghetti at the time.

Now that Trevor has established his bona fides at following and spying on people, Angela gives him an envelope and his assignment: "Murder." "Okay, that's the big one. That's the big M," Trevor stammers while Dwight looks shocked.

After the ads, Dwight is telling Angela that she can't have someone murdered, even if they are sleeping with her husband. He's sympathetic, but keeps trying to talk Angela down. And Trevor, too. They end up compromising on a kneecapping, even though Dwight hates the idea. "Because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn." Trevor's in, though, saying it goes down at 4:00. "And once I leave, there's no turning back."

Jim is possibly regretting his offer to take his coworkers to lunch, because Stanley is ordering the surf & turf with lobster on the side, and Phyllis asks the waiter, "How much wine do you have?"

Oscar brings Angela a cookie, which she crumbles into the trash as soon as Oscar's back is turned. Dwight saw it, though. In the stairwell, Oscar is on the phone to Robert saying they're okay, unaware that Dwight is eavesdropping.

Pete's tower now reaches almost to the ceiling from his desktop. Kevin tries to add a new level, and ends up knocking the whole thing over. Everyone yells at him, but Pete says it was only a mistake, which is what the tower's all about, after all. Pete asks who's never had a complaint, and assumes nobody because of how Pam doesn't raise her hand very high. Pete says they can all get back to it, even giving Kevin a fist-bump. Wow, Pete really is the new Jim. Erin looks pretty impressed. Which we haven't seen for a while. As for Clark, we don't see him this week so I assume Jan is a full-time job for him. She certainly was for Michael.

By M. Giant

Jim is possibly regretting his offer to take his coworkers to lunch, because Stanley is ordering the surf & turf with lobster on the side, and Phyllis asks the waiter, "How much wine do you have?"

At lunch, Jim's trying to continue his pitch, but Phyllis has come over all maudlin.

The tower has been rebuilt, but they're out of cards before reaching the ceiling. Pam, who's been watching this whole time rather than painting, offers to get them a fresh complaint. "You wouldn't fart on a butterfly," Meredith scoffs. Pam readily agrees with that, but says she wants to try getting a customer complaint. Everyone cheers her on, Kevin almost knocking the tower over again.

In the parking lot, Dwight confronts Angela about Oscar being the target. "He and the Senator are gaying each other," he's figured out. Angela says Oscar deserves it, and Dwight reminds her, "the first one to break your marriage vows were you and me." Angela says it's too late, and points to Trevor's van parked nearby. Dwight runs off in panic.

Dwight rushes back into the office and drags Oscar out, promising a look at pantsless construction workers drinking diet sodas. "Yahtzee," Meredith says, getting up to follow. Trevor comes in, carrying a sub sandwich with a lead pipe sticking out of it and claiming to be "sandwich delivery for Oscar Martinez." Eyeing the sandwich (though clearly not very closely), Kevin adopts a bad Mexican accent to claim to be Oscar. Trevor grabs the pipe, but Angela rushes in and stops him. "Outside," she says, and distracts Kevin with the promise of donuts in the break room.

Trevor makes a run for it, and Oscar yells at Dwight, who in turn yells at Oscar that he saved his life. Oscar turns to see Angela behind him and accuses, "You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!" Angela gets right in his face and says, "You made my husband gay!" Oscar admits he was wrong for what he did, but insists that Robert is gay and always was. He even invites Angela to hit him if she really wants to, but doesn't actually let go of the pipe when she tries to take it. "It's a lead freaking pipe," he explains. She settles for kicking him in the shin and storms off, yelling, "You were supposed to be my friend!" Oscar tries to follow her with more apologies, but Dwight stops him. Thank God Dwight's always around to keep people from going completely crazy.

Pete is about to put up the last card on behalf of Pam, "For insulting a client's recently deceased mother, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life." "I'm so sorry," Pam says. "Yeah, that is terrible," Pete agrees cheerfully, straining to successfully plant the last folded card, which is less than an inch from the ceiling. Yes, they have reached literal new heights of sucking.

Dwight sits down to Angela on a bench outside, and she talks about how stupid she feels. "You're not stupid," Dwight assures her. "Jazz is stupid." Angela tearfully agrees with that: "Just play the right notes!" Dwight says, "You're going to be okay, Monkey," and puts an arm around her. While she cries on his shoulder, she says he doesn't like Trevor. "I don't like him either," Dwight agrees. "And yet I really like him." These are seriously the jokes this week.

Jim pulls his car back into the parking lot, and Stanley and Phyllis are asleep in the back seat... or pretending to be, because as Jim covers Phyllis up, she says, "We're going to cover for you, you know." They cackle about "grinding his beans" and "peeling his grapes" and "shucking his peas." But they're in. "We love you guys," Phyllis tells him. So that appeal to their friendship was really all it took. Well, that and a four-figure lunch bill.

Pam's actually begun painting in the warehouse now, telling us that as an artist, you have to be okay with not pleasing everyone all the time. Which is something this show has certainly made its peace with. "You paint very bad, Paaam!" Hide calls from below, and Pam demonstrates her newfound growth by yelling back at him to shut up.

Dwight and Angela spend the tag at Toby's desk, asking him some questions that demonstrate the staggering depth of their ignorance of homosexuality. Such as Dwight's poser, "When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis will open up to accept the other person's penis?" Toby is blown away. And I don't think it's because he doesn't know either.

By M. Giant

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.