Time for the annual Halloween office party at Dunder Mifflin. has put Erin in charge of the shindig, but she's getting a lot of mixed signals from him, and not just about the party. It turns out Robert California plans to show up, and he has high expectations. As Erin's vision of the party proves to be just the tiniest bit childish, Andy freaks out and puts Angela and Phyllis on the case. Meanwhile, Erin flails around for ways to make the party more grown-up, and to hopefully forestall a serious conversation Andy wants to have with her at the end of the day.
In even less interesting news, Pam tells a story about the time she saw a ghost. Jim can't let it go, spending most of the episode trying to convince her she's wrong. Robert has brought his young son along, who at first spars with Dwight but then ends up playing Starcraft with him on Jim's computer. The party goes well until Erin crashes it into the ground with her attempt to make it "adult" in the entirely wrong sense. And Robert, who's been spending the whole party going around collecting everyone's greatest fears, provides a finale in the form of a long, spooky tale that literally has something to scare everyone in the office.
Oh, and that serious conversation Andy wanted to have with Erin? Was about his girlfriend, with whom it turns out he's had 31 dates. They've either been going out a long time or he needs to stay in more nights.
Apparently Andy is reserving right of approval for all Halloween costumes this year. For example, Angela is a cat again, and Stanley is a chef, though not Chef from South Park, as Andy guesses. Jokes like that don't make us not miss Michael Scott, you know, show. Andy talking-heads about the rules on this year's costumes: "Don't be offensive, don't be cliché, and don't take the first two rules too seriously." He vetoes Kevin's Rise of the Planet of the Apes for dropping a spoiler, and also Phyllis's tiny baby-doll outfit, because, well, "Kevin has a gorilla suit you could borrow." Kelly and Meredith both want to be Kate Middleton, which Kelly says she's more into, until Meredith shows her a cell phone video of herself hollering at the Royal Wedding party (as opposed to at her sister's funeral, which she'd said was the same weekend). Meredith THs about her interest in the royal story. "Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids. Doin' it." Saw that one coming all the way from Westminster Abbey.
On the actual day, Andy comes in dressed as a construction worker and sneaks through the wall of fake cobwebs Erin (dressed as Wendy from Wendy's) has playfully draped across his door. Erin THs about the best part of dating coworkers: "After you're done dating, you still get to work together. Every single day."
Kevin and Darryl enter wearing matching Miami Heat jerseys over their shirts, and they've apparently drafted Jim into being Chris Bosh. Would that be funny if I followed sports?
Speaking of stuff I don't follow, Dwight comes in wearing a horrifying, spiky, dreadlocked, boob-tastic costume that nobody recognizes. "Has no one here heard of Kerrigan from Starcraft? Queen of blades?" No one there has, and no one has on my side of the screen, either. Dwight blames this Toby, who THs that he tells Dwight every year that he can't bring in weapons. Montage of Toby disarming Dwight as Freddy Krueger, as Pinhead, and as Jigsaw, and finally, today, Kerrigan, removing the sword-wielding tentacles from Dwight's back as he entered the building. Toby also adds that Dwight threatens to kill him when he gets his weapons back, but Toby always survives until Thanksgiving. "I'm a lucky turkey." These are the jokes, people.
Andy comes out to the bullpen, not entirely impressed with everyone's outfits. He tells us about two texts he got: one from Broccoli Rob saying "Boo," which scared him, and another one from Robert California, saying, "Looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high." Which scared the shit out of him.
Andy gives Pam (in a kangaroo costume) a document to fax, and Erin joins her at the machine to see how she does it and also to get her neediness about Andy and her middling job performance all over Pam. Which is when we also learn that Andy put Erin in charge of the party. No wonder Andy's scared.
In the kitchen, Phyllis (in a more demure version of the sexy-lady costume), Stanley, and Oscar (wearing a suit, tie, lapel pin, and a nametag I can't read) are sitting around talking about a haunted walking tour when Pam drops an obvious hint that she wants to tell a creepy story of her own. After guilting Oscar into asking, Pam tells the story of how she used to work at one of the supposedly haunted bars on the tour when she was 22, and saw the reflection of an old man in black who wasn't there when she turned around. Jim has quietly entered and overheard, and he THs while laughing dismissively, "No, my wife does not believe in ghosts." The very idea.
In the break room, Jim privately asks Pam what she thinks she really saw, and she insists it was a ghost. Which she told him on their first date, but he thought she was bullshitting. And she appears to be pretty serious now.
In comes Robert California, dressed all in black and wearing Ray Bans, which Andy somehow identifies as a Jack Nicholson costume. Hell, I barely identified Andy's Jack Nicholson impression. Although I find myself recalling the time I went to work in costume as another James Spader character: Graham Dalton from Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Easiest costume ever, jeans and a black shirt. Robert's also brought along his son Bert, a pre-teen made up like a mini-zombie who wants to get on a computer to track a hurricane, because it's not like a kid who goes to his dad's work Halloween party in costume has anything else going on. Robert sets him down at Jim's empty desk as he notices the "pin the wart on the witch" game. Even Bert dismisses that as an immature activity, and Andy makes like the party is still getting set up. Over at Reception, Erin looks like she just got slapped, or maybe had a wart pinned on her. With a stapler.
Robert enters the annex to find Kelly, Toby, and Gabe in matching skeleton costumes, per Kelly and Toby's prior agreement and Gabe's deciding to join in after overhearing. Toby invites Robert to hit the lights and they do a little glow-in-the-dark song-and-dance that Robert pretends to be delighted by. After that, a simple "how are you" from becomes a therapy session that reveals Kelly's deepest fear (never marrying, shocker) in ten seconds flat. Robert turns to Toby and repeats the first question. "So great," Toby quavers in terror. Good answer.
Angela and Phyllis are taking down the cardboard decorations Erin put up in the conference room. This is right in front of Erin, who protests that Andy put her in charge. Angela says Andy sent them in, and while she's at it, "I hate all of this."
Jim stands impatiently over Bert and his computer when the kid looks up and remarks that Dwight would look like Kerrigan from Starcraft if he had bladed wings. Dwight is not as pleased by this as you might think.
Erin comes into Andy's office and makes some lame small talk before asking what's up. Andy tries to explain how the party seemed a little "kiddy" to Robert and himself, so he thought Erin could use a little help. Erin seems to accept that, but wonders if there's anything about her that's on Andy's mind. Andy puts her off until later, but in such an unconvincing way that even Erin isn't fooled.
Erin's visit is to Gabe, to pick his brain for ideas for the party. "Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying?" She's asking for ways to make their party just a little scarier. Cackling, Gabe stands up to go get something.
Jim calls Pam from Andy's old desk to invite her to go see a documentary that night. "Is it called Ghostbusters?" Pam asks, way ahead of him. She offers to draw what the ghost really looked like, and in the time it takes Jim to say, "I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts," Pam draws and holds up a cartoon of a hand flipping the bird. Now that's scary. She turns her attention to Dwight for about a second, and after she gets up, Bert observes to Dwight that everyone hates him. Of course Dwight gets in a pissing match with Bert over hurricanes vs. influenza, but when the kid says the scariest animal is the box jellyfish, Dwight's eyes narrow with newfound respect. Wish mine were doing the same.
Robert rolls up to a discussion Jim's having with Kevin, Oscar, and Meredith about ghosts. Kevin says he's only afraid of real things, like "serial killers and kidnappers, not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies." Oscar quietly points out that mummies are real, which Kevin doesn't believe until Robert backs him up. "Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!" Kevin THs in panic.
The party seems to be on, with slightly scarier décor in the conference room. Erin boasting-heads, "I grew this party up real fast. Get out of here, little-kid party. Nobody loves you!" Ouch.
Jim tries to chase Bert off his computer and into the party, but Bert's about to use it play Starcraft with Dwight, so no joy. Inside the party, Angela tweaks Pam about how she's still so much smaller than Pam even when they're both pregnant, again. Pam looks like she's as bored with this schtick as I am. Oscar explains his costume: his nametag reads "Former Rep. Weiner" and a cell phone hanging in front of his crotch, which makes him an "Oscar Liar Weiner." At least Ryan (dressed as Jesse from Breaking Bad, according to the helpful TWoP Twitter feed) is as disgusted as I am. Remember when the bad jokes on this show were somehow still funny? Darryl compliments Erin on the party, and Andy agrees that she did a good job. "So we don't have to have that talk?" Erin chirps. Andy says they still should, and invites her to his office at 4:45. Uh-oh.
So Erin goes to the front of the room and turns on the DVD that must have been Gabe's contribution. It turns out to be some creepy black-and-white film that's little more than a series of disturbing images. Apparently it's part of what Gabe calls "cinema of the unsettling," an underground movement of which this is an example. And the auteur appears to be none other than Gabe, who, along with shots of bleeding birthday cakes, melting dolls, and a rat crawling across a photograph of a screaming woman, also got footage of Oscar's grandmother, and Stanley getting into his car, shot from Stanley's back seat. Everyone demands Erin turn it off. Andy apologizes to Robert, who doesn't seem offended at all, and Erin says she got confused, thinking the goal was to make the party more adult. So she busts out a game of "Pecker Poker," which causes the editors to bust out the pixilation for the third time this episode.
In Andy's office, Robert asks Erin why she didn't just ask Andy for clarification. "You two seem close." Reading the awkward silence that ensues. Robert decides to sit the rest of this out. But by just sitting, not actually leaving the room. Erin brings up the talk Andy wanted to have with her at the end of the day, and Andy realizes she must have been afraid he was going to fire her. Again he apologizes to Robert for making him uncomfortable. "I'm never uncomfortable," Robert says, entirely believably. Andy says it's about the fact that he's been dating someone, and acts like he thought Erin knew about it, when clearly Erin didn't. Andy's been asking his new girlfriend not to call or stop by because it might be weird, but now it's weirder to continue as an Andy's-Girlfriend-Free Zone. Erin asks they've been on two dates or three. "31," Andy says. Wow, and he didn't even invite her to his garden party. Erin manages to get out of there before breaking down, but it's a near thing. Robert, belatedly: "I should go."
Apparently Jim has a bunch of people forcing Pam to defend her belief in ghosts, which she turns around on him for his superstitious refusal to let her wash his Eagles jersey during playoffs.
Dwight is ignoring Darryl, too busy with his Starcraft game with Bert to pay attention. Erin is speculating to Phyllis about Andy's girlfriend and where she's from. "She's from somewhere, I bet." And Robert watches Creed (keeping it classy as always in his Osama Bin Laden costume) skittishly interacting with a fake snake on the buffet table, asking in his probing way if Creed's afraid of snakes. "You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby," Creed says. Cut to Robert in the bathroom with Darryl, who admits to nightmares about live burial; and in the bullpen Meredith, who confesses, "Jim gives me the creeps. Robert, in a TH: "What am I up to?"
Jim is still refusing to let the ghost thing go, asking Pam what she'll do if Cece ever claims to see a ghost, and he actually seems pretty pissed about her answer. Robert, with his shades back on, suddenly grabs the floor in that way he has to tell a spooky story about an allegedly haunted house in the neighborhood of his youth, throwing together all of the things everyone told him about into one narrative. It's got live burial, snakes, mummies (although he has to explain this to Kevin, who missed the significance of the word "sarcophagi"), a tall slim man ("Jim!" Meredith gasps), and much more, including, for Kelly, a woman without a husband. Jim, Pam, and Dwight never told Robert about their fears, but Dwight turns off his monitor when Robert refers to getting lost in imaginary worlds, and the Halperts look at each other nervously as they allegorically appear in the story as a married couple who had an argument they couldn't get past. Anyway, the story ends with a terrified mother bursting into her baby's room in panic and the baby sits up and says, "I'm fine, bitch. I'm fine." Exit Robert. The bullpen is silent, except for his creepy-ass kid, laughing at Jim's desk. And apparently not at all worried about how he's getting home. Robert THs, "Fear plays an interesting role in our lives." As we see the workers happily going on with their day, he continues, "How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships?" Andy and Erin hug in his office, apparently having had their talk. "It's funny, isn't it?" Robert asks. "We take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear." Yes, about as funny as this episode. Look, Spader's mesmerizing and all, but this show needs a lead, not an "And Special Guest Star." Or, failing that, jokes.
In the tag, Bert comes back to the annex and fires Toby, which Dwight clearly put him up to. That's pretty much it. For stuff like this, I have to manually program my DVR. By the way, not that anyone asked, but what scares me most is the thought of my future self still covering this once-funny show five years from now. Brrr!
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.