Michael and Holly are back together, and they're not being shy about it around the office. It's getting bad enough that people are starting to complain (not that anyone objects to the relationship itself), but that doesn't stop the relationship from proceeding at warp speed. Unable to touch each other, Michael and Holly find themselves exchanging "I love you"s, discussing what happens when Toby comes back, and… we'll come back to that.
In other relationship news, Gabe has sent Erin on a "romantic treasure hunt," which, since she's too dumb to manage it on her own, she recruits Andy to help. It does end up being quite romantic, but in a way that's got nothing to do with Gabe.
Also, Jim and Pam have gotten drunk at lunch and are thinking a little too much about the logical conclusion of the office PDA.
So back to what I said we'd come back to, which is that Michael and Holly are moving in together. Told you they were moving at warp speed. Got to wrap this up before Carell bails, after all.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then check out our guide to why Jim and Pam are perfect for each other!
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Darryl is sadly gazing out his office window, because his almost-97-year-old grandmother just died. The good news is that Pam has brought him a card signed by the whole office. Darryl opens it, and from the celebratory messages written inside, it's clear that they thought it was his birthday. Either that, or they really hated Darryl's grandmother. Dwight and Andy come rushing in all party-mode, and Andy makes with the birthday punches. "I'm so sorry," Pam whispers, as Darryl looks at us with tears in his eyes. Wow, that's rough.
After the ads, Andy is telling Darryl about his Valentine's Day dinner plans (with "Rachel from the party") when Michael and Holly come out of his office and kiss like five times in front of everyone (who can't seem to do anything else while this is going on, because nobody can ever tune anything out in this office) before separating. And they don't even separate; he just drags her back into his office anyway. His talking-head about how he and Holly are dating is quietly joyful, and he says you get everything you want in life. "You can't work for it, it just comes to you." Well, it helps if you only have a half-dozen or so episodes left. Things tend to fall into place then.
Gabe visits Erin and the roses from her "secret admirer" (even Erin knows that's Gabe) at Reception. He boasting-heads, "I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science." Erin reads the card: "Roses are red, violets are blue, look in the vase to find your first clue." Erin dumps out the vase, which holds not water but the disassembled pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Gabe has to explain to her that that's her clue. He may have set the degree of difficulty a leeettle too high for his audience.
Oscar is in Michael's office while Michael is ostensibly looking at a report but actually having hand-sex with Holly. Michael complains that all of Oscar's noisy throat-clearing is grossing him out. Yeah, Oscar.
Jim and Pam get dropped off by a cab outside, and are clearly tipsy from their Valentine's Day lunch that included "bottomless champagne." "Never found that bottom, did we?" Pam remarks. Well, it's still early.
Erin gets Andy to agree to help with the jigsaw puzzle. Andy doesn't want to intrude, but Erin figures it's cool now that they both have other dates. Andy's all over this. The puzzle, that is.
Dwight mocks Jim for sounding a little unclear on the phone, and then Jim hands him a little grade-school valentine that the just wrote Dwight's name on. "I will not be your valentine," Dwight scowls. Jim: "Aw, nuts." Not exactly on his A-game right now.
After the ads, Michael and Holly have turned to face the group, but they're still sharing a chair. Michael's feeling a little defensive, and when he accuses them of hypocrisy, Dwight backs that up by confessing that he's had intercourse in the office, as have Angela, Ryan, Kelly, Meredith, Phyllis, Michael, and Holly. "As has Kevin," Kevin adds, claiming, "She goes to another school." Michael agrees no more PDA, but wants to designate three closets as "hook-up zones." One for each base, no homers. And Dwight's way too excited about the space set aside for...ah, solo batting practice.
In the break room, Pam is talking to Jim about how weird it is to even want to have sex in the office. "Ew," Jim "agrees." Let's try not to read too much into how he's trying to insert a limp dollar bill into the vending machine's unwelcoming slot.
Erin and Andy find Gabe's boom box in Darryl's office, and after debating whether he can hear them (he can), go ahead and play it. It's one of Gabe's "soundscapes," and it sounds like he's singing "The temp at night." Darryl would very much like them to go now.
Pam and Jim are heading for their "nap zone," but one of the warehouse guys is already there. About-face!
Holly tells Michael that she wants to stop with the PDA if it's making people uncomfortable. Michael's TH compares them to Romeo and Juliet, "And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart."
Out in the bullpen, Michael catches up with Holly and says everyone's jealous of two people in love. Holly is brought up short, and asks if he means he loves her, after they've only been dating for a week. And while everyone's cringing at what looks like it's going to be a crash and burn, she returns the sentiment. They move in, but then Michael suddenly remembers and announces, "I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment." He and Holly both say "I love you" with a handshake. Back in his office, he says, "No big deal. Just that the hottest girl in the world loves me." I'm glad he's looking at the bright side.
Andy and Erin enter the supply closet, because that's Ryan's office. Erin figures they'll have to wait in there until nighttime, but Andy closes the door and turns off the lights to reveal glowing starts stuck to the walls. They both marvel at how romantic it is, while Gabe cluelessly passes by outside the closed door. Above the door is the phrase "EAT AT HANKS," which I guess refers to the lobby.
Pam and Jim open the door just as Andy and Erin are coming out, which isn't awkward at all. Andy and Erin scamper away guiltily, while Jim claims they were looking for Ryan, just as Ryan shows up. Pam lies that they wanted to say hi, and Ryan realizes that they wanted to have sex in his office. Ryan's surprisingly cool with it, especially considering Jim was the one who banished him into there in the first place, and asks them to just put everything back and text him when they're done. He takes off, and Jim and Pam are so embarrassed they wander off. Well, Pam does. Jim lingers by the door wistfully. They joint TH about how they never have and never will have sex in the office, and while we see Jim try to get her to join him in a box of styro-peanuts in the warehouse (hot!), Pam explains what sets them apart from all the other horndogs around here: "We have a home and a bed." Jim adds, "And a shower," Jim adds. Down, boy. Of course, it's easy for me to judge; my wife and I also work for the same company, but we both work at home. I'll stop talking now.
Michael and Holly are doing the PDA equivalent of "I'm not touching you" in the bullpen, until Gabe pulls them aside to tell them to stop. "You don't know what it's like to love a woman and have her love you back," Michael says, like he's the only one it's ever happened to, but he might have a point in Gabe's case. Gabe thinks they're either taking Ecstasy, or they're rushing a whole relationship in before Toby comes back and Holly goes back to Nashua, or they're overcompensating for the lame orgasms of old people. "Yes, it's that one," they agree waaaay too quickly.
In the break room, Holly gloms on to Michael, but she can tell something's wrong. He says he didn't think about her going back. She says they can do long distance, even though it didn't work last time. Holly says what would be the magic words under any other circumstances: "I know it'll be hard...that's what she said."
Erin and Andy arrive at the lobby coffee shop, where Gabe has put up a sign advertising an "Erin Special, $0.00." I bet Andy would pay three times that. Hank presents her with a bottle of sparkling cider and instructions to "Look for a heart or some shit in the break room when you're through." Romance!
Darryl and Kevin stand outside Michael's office, watching him like he's in a zoo. Dwight enters and listens to Michael weep about the ticking time bomb of his love (and recite a quick movie pitch into his Dictaphone). When Michael fails to cheer up, Dwight makes Kevin act like a monkey for Michael's entertainment. It goes on for way longer than I'm going to spend on it.
A big heart-shaped cookie has been stashed into the B9 slot of the vending machine. Erin buys it and reads a clue stuck to the back about a kiss, and apparently thinks she's supposed to kiss Andy now. Not that she's upset about it. By a heroic effort of will, Andy looks behind Erin and sees Gabe is blowing a kiss at her through the glass. Andy makes a discreet exit, not wanting to be a fifth wheel and also probably wanting to get back to his desk before someone notices what I'm sure is a giant erection. Erin watches him go with an unfamiliar expression on her face. We don't often see her thinking.
Michael goes to Holly's desk and tells her he loves her and they should break up now. Holly's not having that; in fact, she says their future doesn't have to be up to the company. "What we are is up to you and me." And it only took them how many years to figure that out?
Michael and Holly return to the bullpen to announce that they're moving in together, and that there will be no more PDA in the office because they'll be having sex at home. He tweaks Oscar a little bit, like Oscar wanted them to break up or something, and Oscar takes the high road by telling them to go ahead and kiss now. While they do, Kevin keeps mocking Oscar. The speed bump on the high road.
Pam and Jim come back from somewhere, adjusting their clothes. "We took a walk," they claim. Yeah, I think they found the bottom after all.
Dwight explains his perfect Valentine's day. "I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the fifty restaurant reservations I made over six months ago." Sounds like a very romantic August. Ryan says anyone can be Prince Charming one day a year, but what's really great is when someone can do that no days a year. After some thoughts from Kelly and Kevin, Michael and Holly have clearly been asked about their plans for the night. Holly imitates the noise of squeaking bedsprings. Glad they're keeping it classy in the office now.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.