It's the day of Cece's christening, and even though Jim and Pam didn't invite the whole office, they should have known that Michael would, and that they'd all come. Fortunately Michael doesn't make a stink about not getting to be the godfather, but he does get a bit of a contact high from being around all the church folk. So much so that he gets offended by his employees' cynicism and jumps on the bus taking the youth ministry to Mexico. And Andy goes too, to impress Erin.
Meanwhile, the reception at the church for the Halpert family is a bust, because the pastor invited the entire congregation. While dealing with the shortage of food and seating, Jim manages to misplace Cece. He freaks out, as anyone would, and even accuses Angela of stealing her, as no one would. But there's still a happy ending because Angela ends up more embarrassed than Jim.
On the bus to Mexico, Michael and Andy realize what a terrible decision they made, and bail out. And one of the kids bails with them, so they ended up being a net negative to the whole enterprise. And then Andy doesn't even get to sit up front with Erin when she shows up to drive them home.
Pam's trying to run a hygiene meeting, talking about the amount of bacteria in their keyboards. As if anyone in this office ever touches their keyboards anyway. Kelly turns it into a "your mom" joke, and Michael starts to make that into a "your mom" truth (you know, because he dated her) until Jim says, "Stop." Pam gives a few hygiene tips, and adds that there will be hand-sanitizing stations set up. "They will cost you your life!" Dwight protests. "Elaborate," Jim says, because he's all about verbal economy right now. Dwight makes the argument -- as grossly as possible -- that our immune systems need to be toughened up, and Jim takes him up on it by sneezing in his face. "You're welcome," Jim tells...us. So it looks like everyone's going to be sneezing on Dwight from now on. Or in Andy's case, on his toast. Enjoy the lime marmalade.
We're outside the church where Jim and Pam's baby Cece is getting christened, and of course so is everyone from the office, because all these outside events always have 100% turnout. Angela's being all sweet to Cece, which is weird because of how she's also barely being civil to the parents holding Cece. Apparently Michael invited everyone, because it's not about Jim or Pam or Cece or even Michael, "And I thought we should all celebrate my joy...our joy."
Andy, who's been watching Gabe and Erin talk, talking-heads that the Nard-Dog wants Nard-Pups. "Put 'em in a box, give 'em to my neighbors." Wait...
Dwight's stationed himself inside the door to hand out his business card, but Toby can't even bring himself to go in. "The Big Guy and I, we've got some catching up to do," he says.
In a Don Corleone voice, Michael tries to get Pam and Jim to scootch over in the pew so he can sit with family, thinking he's the godfather. Jim explains that he isn't, and Michael gets his De Niro characters mixed up, phasing into Travis Bickle: "You talkin' to me?" "Okay, your turn," Jim whispers to Pam. As nicely as she can, she gets him to say that he knows he's not the godfather. That would be their new friend Seth, and Michael's hurt, of course. "Cece is kind of turning out to be a little b-i-t-c-h," he THs. Michael goes to one of the cheap seats, and the service begins. The pastor announces that the youth ministry is on its way to a small, impoverished village in Mexico -- whose name Ryan recognizes as the source of all of Cabo San Lucas's prostitutes. Of course he shares that with Michael, right there in the church. Stay classy, Ryan.
Toby still can't talk himself into going inside. Which is just as well, because Dwight is taking advantage of the prayers and remembrances portion of the service to sell paper. As it goes on, Pam hands Cece off to Jim to change her. "She can't take this up with her," Pam whispers. Jim obliges and disappears into a restroom in the church basement, but we can still hear his body mic as he gets Cece unwrapped and...she turns out to not be done, if you know what I mean. Christening gown: ruined. A minute later, he's carrying her out to the car, wrapped in his suit jacket, where he roots around in the back. When they return to the pew to rejoin Pam, Cece's wearing and adult-sized Arcade Fire shirt, instead of the extra outfit Jim said he checked for. "I did...say that," Jim agrees. The pastor calls up the families and although Michael fidgets in his sear, he manages not to wreck the whole thing. At the end, the pastor invites everyone to a reception door hosted by the Halberts. "Mmm, nope, wrong on both counts," Jim mutters, meaning that this is supposed to be "an intimate reception for their invited guests." They really should know by now that "invited" always ends up being less of a subset than a set.
A couple of churchgoers shake Michael's hand and say good morning to him, which he gets such a lift from that he starts working the whole room in kind.
As everyone heads into the reception hall, Pam remarks to Angela that they weren't expecting this many people, "and we're gonna need a loaves and fishes kind of miracle to feed 'em all." Angela's not amused, but she baby-talks to Cece again before going back to cutting them dead. After wondering if Angela's jealous about their baby, Pam and Jim actually start snapping at each other, but only because they're hungry.
Michael is still being all friendly to the churchgoers as he joins the gang at the work table, who are complaining about the food, or lack thereof (especially Stanley and Kevin). A girl stands up and starts talking about the youth mission. Michael's into it, to the point where he tells Dwight to get off his cell phone.
After the speech, Jim and Pam have to deal with a bitchy lady who's pissed off about the scones and apple cider being gone. "I think that was Sconesy Cider, noted baptism reception critic," Jim tells Pam. She goes to pick up make a food run, because it's better than sticking around for these lame jokes.
Michael is trying to get the gang to get together and do something like the youth mission, but Oscar points out they can volunteer on their own, like he does at a clinic. "Yeah, well that's just a pickup scene," Michael scoffs. He still wants them to hang out together more outside of work, like there's a group of coworkers in the world who spends this much time together outside of the office. "You want some more of this?" Darryl grumps. They're not hearing him, until he gets upset and calls them mean girls. "Like the movie, Mean Girls.," he clarifies. And he adds to Kevin and Stanley, "If you don't stop worrying so much about what you're gonna put in your gullet, you're gonna die in about a month." He storms out. Hilarious.
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Jim leaves Cece with Pam's Meemaw for a minute so he can get more chairs, but not without getting a guilt trip in exchange.
Outside, Michael joins the crowd seeing off the youth mission. He shakes their hands, wishes them luck, and... gets on the bus. Oh, Michael.
During the ads, everyone has noticed Michael sitting on the bus, because he's to an open window, and starts trying to talk him out of it. Except Darryl, who says of his decision, "I agree. I think it's superb." Phyllis asks what she's supposed to tell her clients, and he tells her to spin a whole story about his dying and becoming an angel, unless it's a bigger corporate account, in which case he's in a meeting. But he's not totally detached, because he still won't let Dwight give someone a 15% discount. Erin says it's so cool, and wishes she had a job she could just leave. Andy, who can't just stand there watching Erin be impressed by someone else, calls out, "Save me an aisle seat, Michael, I'm coming!"
As the bus heads down the road, the chick who gave the speech earlier tells Michael and Andy how awesome they are for joining in. Andy announces that he'll need to borrow a few things: "A contact lens case, some sunscreen, some sandals..."
Toby's finally inside the otherwise empty church, and stands in front of the stained-glass window to pull a Bartlet. Remember that amazing tirade in "Two Cathedrals?" Here comes Toby's version: "Why you always gotta be so mean to me?" he asks. Okay, that had less Latin.
Jim returns to Meemaw, but Cece's gone. Jim looks flummoxed, but in the distant background we can see Pam's mom holding her. Which is not really funny, but then neither is a missing child.
Michael's having second thoughts, and he and Andy still aren't clear on what they're going to do when they get to Mexico. Just about everyone's asleep by now, so Michael is realizing that there aren't as many people on the bus as he thought, and the second thoughts are multiplying. Or exponenting. They're now sixty-fourth thoughts.
Jim's searching for Cece, and some random dude says he saw her with a small blonde woman. Jim hollers out an Amber Alert upon seeing Angela: "Stop that tiny blonde woman, she stole my baby!" Kevin tackles her, knocking the platter of subs out of the arriving Pam's hands. Up walks Helene with the baby, and Jim waves, "Travel safe, Angela." Of course Angela isn't going anywhere without asking Jim if he thought she stole their baby. Jim tries to play it cool. "Oh, yeah, back then I did, just now. So don't, because I've got my eye on you." Even Jim isn't going to save this one, but lucky for him, Kevin does; he's just found a giant stash of scones in Angela's purse. "What kind of person steals scones from a baby?" Pam quietly asks Jim, "Did you lose Cece?" "A little but, I did," Jim admits. What I want to know is who replaced The Office with Yes, Dear.
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On the bus, Andy tries to talk the driver into stopping, and when that doesn't work, Michael threatens to stop it himself. He grabs the cable like he thinks he's on a train. "Stopping in Tennessee," the driver says. The kids start noticing that something's up, and Michael and Andy are in full-on panic mode, begging to be let out. They start a "stop the bus" chant until they're let off. Along with another kid who jumps off behind them. " "Don't...say anything to my parents," the kid says.
Erin pulls up in Michael's car and urgently tells them, "Get in, quick!" "Why quick?" Michael asks. "So it's faster," she answers. Once they're all in the car, Erin asks if they want to go home or back to the church. Michael asks if anyone's still there, but she says they all went to a movie in Meredith's minivan. You'd think he'd be crushed that everyone's hanging out like he wanted, only without him, but all he says is, "It is so nice to be back in a country that has movies." "Can I come?" the kid asks. In the awkward silence, Erin turns on the radio to "Lake Wobble-gone," and the episode ends with the actual voice of Garrison Keillor going on about Lutherans and banana bread. Wow, that was weird. Especially for me.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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