Jim's back from paternity leave, and we shouldn't be surprised that Dwight has taken advantage of the Halperts' absence to create "Megadesk!" -- three desks combined into one. Jim's return puts a crimp in that, obviously, so Dwight starts messing with Jim's head to get him back out of the office, guilt-tripping him about being an absent father. Of course Jim turns the tables on Dwight in the end. Figuratively and literally.
Andy and Erin are finally going to have their first date, but Erin gets sent home sick. Andy does the same so he can go over to her place, but ends up getting cockblocked by Erin's foster brother Reed, who seems to think he has some kind of prior claim on Erin. Not that Erin appears to realize this, of course.
Jo's still spending time in the Scranton office -- lots and lots of time. She's still there well past closing time, and Michael is too afraid to cut himself and everyone loose for the night, especially after seizing on Jo's friendliness a bit too eagerly. But eventually everyone save Jo winds up celebrating the holiday at the bar, so it's a happy ending for everyone. Especially, it disturbs me to tell you, for Meredith.
Michael comes in wearing a green tie, and sees that Erin has put out a bowl of green M&Ms. "Nature's Viagra!" he brogues cheerfully. "Two of my favorite joke areas combined. Gonna be a good day." For him, maybe. The rest of us are liable to find this episode's jokes disappointing.
Kelly and Ryan enter the bullpen bickering about something, and Meredith tells them not on St. Patrick's day. It's her one perfect day with no hassles and no kids. Ryan wonders what she means by that. "Not today," she says. Michael VOs about the significance of St. Patrick's Day, as we see various employees modeling their green garments: "It's the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas."
It's Jim's first day back from paternity leave, and everyone gives him a big greeting -- except for Dwight, who has put his, Pam's, and Jim's desks together into one giant "Megadesk!" I used to work at a Megadesk!, but it came that way. Also, we called it the podium, and the "surveillance" computers were limited to phone activity rather than hallway camera feeds, and the "gaming" computer was more like the "recaps" computer. "Jim's like, "Okay," and starts dragging his part of the desk back into place without bothering to move any of Dwight's crap off of it. Dwight talking-heads about "Tweedledee and "Tweedledumb-ass," the latter of whom is back. "Yes, getting hooked on Megadesk! was my own damn fault." But he doesn't want to point fingers. He just wants more and more Megadesk!
Jo Bennett enters, with Gabe and her two giant dogs in tow. She THs that this is her last day at the Scranton branch. She says she'll miss the place, and the people, and the snow, which her dogs love peeing in. "Makes me think they're onto somethin'."
Jo has her workspace set up in the conference room, and Michael brings her a little gift: a literal lump of coal. Except it's presented all pretty in an acrylic cube from the Anthracite Museum. Jo thanks him and kids around a bit, and says if he ever comes down to Tallahassee, "You got a place to stay." She's just being overly polite, but Michael, because gestures of friendship directed at him are so rare, figures he's in.
Andy visits Erin at Reception, modeling a kilt. "It's actually my sister's old field hockey skirt," he tells her. He THs that it's their first date, and it has to be perfect, as he knows from How I Met Your Mother.
Jim comes back to the bullpen from the bathroom to find Megadesk! back in place. Dwight begs for five more minutes of Megadesk!, but Jim just starts knocking shit off his section. Dwight THs about the expression that no man is an island. "False!" Dwight insists that he is an island. A volcanic island, "about to erupt with the molten hot lava of strategy."
Pam has e-mailed Jim a photo of Cecilia in a St. Patrick's day outfit, and is telling him all about her activities at home today. Pam is convinced that the baby is very ironic. You'd think she'd have to be. Jim gets off the phone, and the strategy eruption begins, as Dwight starts going on about all the stuff Jim's missing. "Must be tough being here with that going on," he says. "Oh, it's tough being here for a lot of reasons," Jim agrees. Dwight wonders if the baby thinks the fridge is her father (and I wonder if she wishes it would come back into the house). "Is that what happened to you?" Jim asks. It's not far off. Dwight says he turned out fine, but not Mose. "Same story, different ending." Jim starts looking like this might be something to be taken seriously. I mean, suggesting your baby might grow up to be Mose, that's going nuclear.
Angela hears Erin having a sneezing fit, and asks if she's sick. Erin denies it, but Angela still puts on her personalized flu mask, with her name embroidered on it, to go back to work. Erin says she doesn't want to miss her date with Andy, and she's never sick for more than a few hours anyway. "Except once when I was in the hospital from age three to six."
Jo has everyone, including the warehouse staff, gathered in the bullpen for a "town hall meeting," hoping to get ideas from them. Or at least pretending to. She calls on Oscar. "Homosexual accountant," Michael whispers in her ear. After some brief discussion about Sabre's minority executive training program (known as, what else, "Print in All Colors), Jo calls on Darryl. "Mellow, soulful, smart for warehouse," Michael coaches. Jo shushes him. Darryl's suggestion is to ship paper and printers separately for greater efficiency. He's even got a diagram drawn out to show her what he has in mind. Michael's patronizing about it, but Jo's so impressed she offers Darryl an office upstairs. Looks like Gabe will have to clear his stuff out of Jim's old spot. Jo asks the group for more ideas, reminding them she's leaving tonight. Michael is all spazzy about it, and she tries to play it off, saying it's not that far to Florida. Unfolding a printout, Michael asks, "How about July Fourth weekend?" Jo's like, "Oh, you didn't buy tickets?" Of course he did. Jo starts making excuses, and Michael starts talking about the multiple flights he's booked, until Jo snaps, "Enough!" Into the uncomfortable silence, Michael tells everyone to put a brave face on it.
Michael THs about the sequence of events: "Jo likes Michael, Jo invites Michael to house, Jo doesn't like Michael any more..." Double face-palm.
Darryl carries a box of his stuff into the bullpen, humming the Jeffersons theme, as one must in these circumstances. Michael bursts into the conference room where Jo is working and says he's taking her to lunch, since she's clearly stressed. When she declines, he says he'll be on the other side of the wall and she can knock. She asks pointedly how many knocks it'll take to get him to do some work. Jo, it all depends on where you knock him.
Jim's on a sales call, when Dwight interrupts to say his headphones are broken and asks if he can listen to his music at low volume. Jim nods to get rid of him, so Dwight pulls out his headphone jack, flooding the entire office with the strains of the absent father anthem "Cats in the Cradle" and singing along. Jim reaches over and shuts it off, but the damage is done. Andy continues the song, with Dwight joining in.
Jim's on the phone to Pam in the lobby, and then he THs that he's not surprised Dwight is using his baby to steal his desk. "I'm a little surprised that it's working."
Erin tries to deliver Jo a fax, but Jo shoos her away to go home before he makes the dogs sick. Erin's protests are for naught. From his desk, Andy looks on, pained. He THs bravely that they'll go out week. "She's still gonna like me in a week...right?" Aw, Andy. But yes, I understand his concern.
Andy goes into Jo's office and also pretends to be sick, and she sends him off too. "Probably feel better once you get some pants on." He looks quite jaunty kilting across the parking lot, though.
Michael comes into Darryl's new office, and asks how he did it. Darryl says it was his good ideas, but Michael is seriously wondering about Jo's family and Darryl's family and a "past injustice." Darryl turns his attention to his computer monitor and asks Michael to leave, "So I can learn about this tiny television." Michael barely stops himself in time from commencing a lesson.
Michael enters Jo's office, wanting to chat. She talks about being on work time rather than chatting time, and when Michael says its chatting time according to the clock, she offers to let him head on home. Provided, of course that he feels good about the work he put in today. "That's super clear-ish," Michael mopes, and takes his coat off. Looks like everyone else is staying too. "Just because Jo has no life does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives," Kevin THs indignantly. Mostly on behalf of those of his coworkers who have lives.
Michael's on the phone to Todd Packer of all people, who's already gotten a head start at the bar, and complains about having to work late. Packer has a solution: "Hike up your skirt and pull out your tampon, borrow some balls, and COME MEET ME!" Michael says maybe year, and Packer hangs up with a witty, "Maybe queer!" Poor Michael, missing out on quality time with that guy.
Andy shows up at Erin's front door, and she's surprised to be receiving him in her jammie-jams. "That's okay. I'm in my worky-works," he says. She rallies and invites him in.
Meredith, Kevin, and Oscar get up to make a run for it, but when Jo comes out for a snack, they quickly abort. "Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off," she says. "You do it by working hard, or marrying rich. And I did both."
Dwight gets up to go to what he tells Jim is a "client meeting" at a bar. He offers to "swing by your house so your baby can experience a strong male presence." Nothing from Jim. Dwight walks into the conference room whistling "Cats in the Cradle." Tangent: you know, my whole problem with that song is how the last verse is about how "my boy was just like me." False! "Boy" has time for his kids. Now back to the weecap. Dwight's just about to tell Jo about the client meeting when her phone rings. It's Jim, calling from his desk to ask if it's okay to go to a meeting after five, even though they never do this. Jo gives the go-ahead. Jim thanks her and adds, "Seriously, we never, never do this." After he hangs up, Jo asks Dwight what he needs, and Dwight says he's going to reschedule the client meeting he did have set up for week. Jim takes off, leaving Dwight behind. So there.
Several of the warehouse guys come up to "bust Darryl out," and crack on him a bit for having his shirt tucked in. Catching a look from Michael, Darryl sits back down, looking uncomfortable.
Andy and Erin are on the couch in front of the TV when suddenly a guy comes out into the living room. This is Erin's foster brother Reed, who steals Andy's seat to Erin and teases her for having smelly feet. Andy learns that they were in the same house from 10-12 and 15-18. "Formative years," Andy remarks in a tone that clearly means, "So how much sex did you guys have, then?" Reed tells him, "Nice skirt." I think we have our answer. I also think the show might get some complaints from foster families. Not because they're offended by this subplot, but because it's not that funny.
The cleaning crew comes in to the bullpen, and turns right back around when they see the office still inhabited. Angela THs that she wants to get off work, not to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, but to protest it. Gabe follows Jo all the way to the bathroom door, where Michael meets him and wonders how long they'll be there. Gabe says you never know. Michael asks why she just doesn't give out schedules. Gabe admits that would be nice but then jokes, "I'll date when I'm dead," a little manically. In an office TH, Michael worries about turning out like Gabe. "26, single, tied to my desk, no life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would have turned thirty. That's just depressing." Yeah, good thing Michael dodged that bullet.
Michael goes into the conference room and says that it's 8:30 on St. Patrick's Day, so he's going to cut everyone loose for the night. Jo gives an inscrutable grunt, and Michael says he's happy with the work they've done. "All right, then," Jo finally says neutrally. Michael pauses at the door and says he's cancelling his trip to Tallahassee. "Although I do look forward to our professional relationship." She stops him at the door and says, "I look forward to that too." So it looks like they're cool. What fun is that?
Andy's about to leave Erin's house, and pauses in the doorway when he sees how hard it's raining. It almost looks like there's going to be a kiss goodnight, but then there's Reed lurking by the fridge in the background. Finally Erin kisses Andy on the cheek. "Oh, great, now I'm going to get sick," he jokes. Yeah, Andy, definitely take her somewhere out of the house time.
Michael meets the crew at the bar, and they're already drunk enough to be happy to see him. Michael THs that he may or may not have screwed up his future with Jo. "If Jo wants me to put on a show for her and pretend to work late? I spent all day trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: do I even like her?" Packer comes up behind Michael at the bar and pretends to sodomize him. "Best night ever!" Michael says. And then Meredith comes up behind Packer and pretends to sodomize him. And then...then... she doesn't really seem to be pretending. Oh, dear.
Dwight comes into work in the morning and stops dead. We hear Jim on a sales call, and then we see him -- behind his own megadesk, whose configuration is one desk stacked on top of the other two in a pyramid so that Jim has to work standing up. "This is not Megadesk!" Dwight says in confusion. "They call it quad-desk," Jim says. Dwight points out that it's three desks. Looking around, Jim realizes they'll have to rename it, then. Dwight's desk phone rings, in the tiny alcove formed between the two bottom desks where Jim has stuffed his phone, nameplate, computer, and a tiny little baby chair. Dwight crawls in and answers his phone. I guess Dwight's Microdesk! would be the fourth one.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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