Scranton gets a visit from the Sabre CEO herself, Jo Bennett, and whatever her other faults may be (and we suspect they are manifold), she's astute enough to realize the branch doesn't need two managers, so either Michael or Jim is going to find himself back on the sales floor. They wrangle for it at first, but then Pam shows Jim that there's more money in sales under the Sabre commission plan, so Jim recuses himself. But when Michael realizes what's up, he overrules Jim, and Jo lets him. Michael is on the sales force for literally half the day before his reduced real estate, diminished perks, and Phyllis's farts drive him back into his old office. Which Jo goes along with, but it's clear she's not going to put up with much more from these people. Even though they have to put up with her sexually harassing great Danes.
And speaking of sexual harassment, Andy distributes Valentine cards to the whole staff, to provide cover for the one he really wanted to give to Erin. The problem is that the one he gives Kelly is pretty amorous, to the point where Kelly reciprocates his nonexistent interest. He sort of straightens things out in the end, but things don't progress with Erin, either. Gosh, what I'm really hoping for is that those two will waste more of our time trying to get together than Jim and Pam did.
And finally, Dwight and Ryan congratulate each other on the ultimate success of their diabolical plan to bring Jim down. It's a happy ending for everyone, really.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then check out our guide to Michael's Best and Worst Career Moves.
Michael's on the phone to a Vancouver hotel, trying to get the woman on the other end to acknowledge his reservation for the Olympics. We're expecting Michael to have screwed this up, but in fact, with a little help from Dwight the reservations are found in the system. So there! Michael and Dwight are all sarcastic, but now that they have proven the reservations exist, Michael wants to cancel them. Wait, so will the Olympics pre-empt The Office Thursday or not? I'm confused.
Michael THs that Jo Bennett (the CEO of Sabre, the new corporate owner, in case you missed last week) is coming to visit today, after having bought them sight-unseen, like a mail-order bride. After a little montage of people making preparations for the visit, we see her sweeping into the office, complete with furs and a matching pair of black-and-white spotted Great Danes. The furs aren't black-and-white, but the Cruella De Vil connection is hard to avoid. The Great Danes are making friends with Andy in a big way. "They love a good crotch," Jo says. Erin smiles at Andy proudly. Jo notices that Dwight is the only one not standing. He says he wouldn't stand up for anyone, man or woman. "Unless it was the president. Or Judge Judy." Jo's more than satisfied with that. Her flunky Gabe introduces some other people, and when he gets to Jim, there's some confusion about the co-regional managers. "Two guys doin' one job? We gotta do something about that," she chuckles. No one else chuckles.
Andy passes out Valentines to everyone, as cover for the one he's giving Erin. The one he tosses Meredith gives her a paper cut on her neck. In a TH, she admits that she has kind of a thing about that. "Don't try to cut my throat," she warns all potential suitors. Nice to see Meredith does in fact have a line she won't cross.
Jo is in the conference room with Michael and Jim, who are trying to explain how they split the job. Jo isn't buying it, and she says one of them needs to go back to sales. Michael graciously accepts the manager job, and Jim asks why Michael gets it. Michael goes all corn-pone on him, trying to suck up to Jo by talking like his version of a Southern person, which sounds more like a Faulkneresque man-child. Rather than being offended by the fact that Michael apparently thinks they're in the Ya-Ya Sisterhood together, Jo sends them both away so she can think about it.
We get our first interview with Jo, in which she says she's a breast cancer survivor, close friends with Nancy Pelosi, "and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys." Well, I think that's all we need to know, except that she proudly sells the best printers Korea can make.
Andy gives Erin her Snoopy and Woodstock Valentine card, and it entails their usual awkward sweetness, or sweet awkwardness, as the case may be. "It's got pheromones in it," Andy flirts.
Jo brings everyone into the conference room, where copies of the Sabre handbook and her autobiography are waiting for everyone. She unveils a printer, and Michael keeps shoehorning the word "manage" into the discussion while Jim glares wearily at the camera. Michael explains his strategy in a TH: "Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can't even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vice versa." This is actually surprisingly effective; Michael is doing an excellent job of making a penis out of himself.
Kelly reads Andy's Valentine, which is one of those big fancy ones with a lot of words. Now she thinks he loves her. And she's okay with that.
Pam and Jim have realized that under Sabre's sales incentive program, Jim could actually make more as a salesman than he's making as a manager. He THs that he won't miss it. "I think I'm definitely in it for the money," he says. "And, quite honestly, the women."
Jim enters Michael's office to tell him that he deserves the management position. Unaccustomed as he his to winning anything but the most pyrrhic of victories, this puts Michael in a state of euphoria. But then, in the break room, when he tells Oscar that Jim's returning to sales, Oscar replies he was thinking of making that move himself. "Why, is there an untapped gay market?" Michael asks. Oscar tells Michael about the bigger money available in sales, with no cap on commissions. Which he learned from the manual. "Manuel who?" Michael demands. After returning to his office and actually looking at the Sabre handbook, Michael THs that he has been hustled. He storms into the conference room where Jim is already meeting with Jo. Michael messes up Jim's hair and says he wants the sales position. Jo, deferring to Michael's experience in both fields, names Jim the new manager. Jim's hair suddenly fixes itself as they both congratulate him. "Have fun signing my commission checks, Boss," Michael adds. Now, that's not a good way to start off a relationship with a new supervisor.
Jim and Pam are in his new office, looking at where Michael marked his height on the window frame, showing his growth. Meanwhile, out in the bullpen, Dwight dials his phone. "Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. We have got to step this up. Meet me behind the Dumpster in 90 seconds."
Outside, 21-and-a-half minutes later, Ryan shows up, claiming he was at another Dumpster. Dwight THs about Ryan always being late to their diabolical plan meetings. "I wish I had a lair." Ryan talks to Dwight about doing something to Jim like in Saw, and they end up yelling at each other. Which iteration of Saw is Ryan even talking about? There are six now, right? Coincidentally, I think that's about the same number there's been of iterations of Ryan.
Erin is trying to help Michael stock his new desk with all his old toys, but she has to bail on that to do some stuff for Jim. Who, after all, is her boss now. Michael bugs Pam (maybe if she thought this through she should have realized that no amount of money Jim earns is worth her having to share a desk-pod with Michael and Dwight), until his desk phone rings. "You gotta do something, man," Jim says behind him and over his phone. "You can't just sit there." Michael hangs up.
Ryan and Dwight are now talking about corrupting Nick, the new Sabre IT guy, over to their side. Ryan goads Dwight with Tolkien references. "I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one," Dwight THs.
Erin brings Jim Michael's traditional afternoon snack -- "ants on a log" -- and when he declines, she offers to spin him in his chair like she used to for Michael to help Michael think. Jim also declines that. Yeah, that should really be Pam's job.
Michael closes a deal, gets off the phone, and blows a train whistle, then brags about his new client, which he thinks is a gentlemen's club called Curves. Dwight says they don't do that, and everyone agrees. "It's not really 1992 any more," Dwight condescends. Like we could tell from Dwight's hair.
Kelly reads Erin the romantic card she got from Andy, and Erin thinks it was intentional. "I can't compete with her," Erin THs. "That girl can sing and dance and gets all of her clothes at the mall." She says Andy's a playboy. "And why shouldn't he be? He's got it all." Well, the ladies certainly can't seem to stop paying attention to his crotch. Assuming Jo's Great Danes are females.
Dwight and Ryan find Nick the IT guy in the break room to say that Jim is molesting people over the internet. Dwight demands Jim's computer password so he and Ryan can investigate. When Nick refuses, Ryan says they can make things difficult for him, and crushes his soda can, though with some difficulty. Then Dwight crushes his apple. I think what's crushed is any sense that Dwight and Ryan could be intimidating.
Michael wonders what a strong sulfuric smell is, suspecting that some geological event is occurring. But it's just Phyllis, who reminds those around her that it's a side effect of her new allergy meds, as she previously warned via e-mail. "And you guys are okay with this?" Michael asks Pam and Dwight. "She sent an e-mail," Dwight shrugs. Michael looks longingly back into his office, and then over at Andy, whose sitting there with wadded tissues stuffed up his nose. "I'm expecting a nosebleed," Andy explains. "Oh God.," Michael gasps.
Andy waits behind Kelly at the copier, and startles her. "I didn't see you... and you were there all along." She kisses him on the cheek and goes on her way. "That was weird," Andy mutters. Meredith says it wasn't; they all saw the card he gave her. "If I got that card, we'd be in the bathroom doin' it right... now." Thanks for that image. Andy looks over at Erin, who suddenly can't seem to decide where to look.
Michael visits Jim in his office, and they talk about how the grass is always greener. "Except the grass out there is just a farty dirt-patch," Michael sighs. He thinks "they" made a mistake. Jim reminds Michael he fought this, and now he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't seem to be on board with Michael's ideas of putting up a "Happy Opposite Day" poster (dammit, I missed it again this year!) or wishing for a Men In Black neuralyzer. Jim wonders, "What was that movie where their boss was within earshot and they could have just gone and talked to her?" Michael says Lethal Weapon and Jim says they'll do it Lethal Weapon-style.
We skip right past what I'm sure was Michael's argument about which of them is Mel Gibson, and catch up with them talking to Jo outside while she walks her dogs. She is not impressed. "I don't care which one of you does which job, just stop meeting with me to talk about it." Issue resolved. She takes a cell phone call, and asks them to finish walking their dogs. "And don't ride 'em. A lot of people try to ride 'em." Well, we know Michael would have.
Andy has sent everyone an e-mail, but now he wants to read it out loud to everyone. The gist is that he doesn't want anyone thinking he likes them likes them, whatever one or more of his Valentine cards might have suggested. "Please don't read anything into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard-Dog." Kelly and Erin come out of the annex, Kelly indignantly demanding of Andy, "Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy?" Oh, knowing Kelly, I think we all do, although she isn't usually this self-aware about it. Andy stammers that he likes someone else. "Who?" Kelly demands. Andy doesn't have an answer, but I think even Erin gets the message. "How about that?" she THs.
Erin and Michael get him all set back up in his office, and dance to the little demos on the synthesizer stashed under his desk.
Out in the bullpen, as Jim removes his manager suit jacket (and good riddance, I say), Dwight welcomes Jim back to his old desk. "New boss for what, four and a half hours? New record low." Dwight keeps chattering until Jim simply reaches up and dips the end of Dwight's tie into his coffee cup. Like riding a bike. "Michael!" Dwight yells.
At the end of the day, Dwight and Ryan smugly get in the elevator together, considering their diabolical plan a success. "Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel," Ryan says. They agree to celebrate with a drink, and the doors close. By the time they open on the first floor, they're arguing about where to get a drink. Dwight doesn't want to go to a pretentious martini bar, and Ryan doesn't want homemade beet vodka. Man, Jim never had a chance against these two.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then check out our guide to Michael's Best and Worst Career Moves.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.