Michael's all excited about the festivities to celebrate his 15-year anniversary with the company, but that's about to go on the back burner. After all this time that he's been reporting directly to David Wallace, the company finally fills the position once held by Jan and then Ryan. Michael's new boss is Charles Minor, played by Idris Elba, and he's got even less time for Michael's nonsense than David Wallace does. Which, considering that David Wallace suddenly has no time for Michael at all, is very little time indeed. Michael's already resenting having a boss at all, but when Charles cancels his 15th-anniversary party, Michael throws a conniption and storms off to New York to confront Wallace in person.
Meanwhile, Jim has had the bad luck to pick this day of all days to respond to a dress-code memo from Dwight by wearing a tuxedo to the office. So Charles immediately thinks he's an idiot, and oddly enough, everything Jim manages to say to him only reinforces the impression. And in a C-plot, Kelly and Angela have competing crushes on Charles. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out.
When Michael gets to Corporate, he reads Wallace the riot act about his service and sacrifice and how he deserves more. Wallace concedes Michael's point, gives in, gives him everything he wants. So Michael quits.
Seriously.
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In the conference room with Michael and Pam, Dwight is suggesting ways to celebrate Michael's 15-year anniversary with the company, beginning with a 15-minute round of applause and a 15-minute "moment" of silence. Michael likes it, but Jim has his doubts. "Is it classy enough?" he wonders. Oh, and Jim is looking super-classy, in a tuxedo and his hair in Big Haircut mode. Apparently he's been pushing the "classy" angle all day, at least judging by Dwight's impatience with the word. "You're just agreeing with him because he's wearing a tux," Dwight protests to Michael. Oh, and lest you get any ideas, the tux isn't to mock Michael's 15th anniversary: it's to mock Dwight's recent memo about the dress code. We don't get to see the memo, but I'm sure it strongly encourages heavy reliance on puke-tones. Back in the meeting, Michael keeps shooting down every idea Dwight has, until Jim rephrases one and he loves it. Dwight gets up and storms out, which the others agree is not classy. "Déclassé," Jim adds. Can't get more classy than bringing the French.
Idris Elba, whom viewers of The Wire will recognize as Stringer Bell, presents himself at reception and tells Pam he's Charles Minor, and he's there to see Michael. Pam pages Michael and unwisely puts him on speaker so the guest can hear him say, "Minor? I hardly know her!" After waiting for a laugh that never comes, Michael comes out to greet Charles almost literally like royalty, demanding a round of applause from the troops in the bullpen. Michael wants everyone in the break room for a surprise, and as Dwight escorts Charles back there, Jim tells Michael he wishes he knew the new boss was coming in today, so he could have brought a change of clothes. And maybe the eggbeater he usually combs his hair with. Michael not getting Jim's embarrassment, then goes and herds everyone from the break room -- where Dwight is boring everyone with a history of Scranton -- into the conference room for the real surprise: a spread of bagels cut into Cs, in honor of Charles. "Took me all night," he boasts.
Michael THs that he met Charles at Corporate last week, and they had an instant connection. Indeed, there's a little silent footage of Charles being introduced to Michael and shaking hands with him like a normal person, which to Michael probably feels like an instant bond. Plus, as Michael adds, the last people in that job were Jan, "My lover," and Ryan, "My best friend." So he's looking forward to the relationship with his new boss. I'm sure it will combine the best of the two.
Kelly, Meredith, and Angela are quietly debating Charles's attractiveness when Jim comes up to him and introduces himself, offering to help out if there's anything he needs. Charles looks him up and down, and we see how humorless this dude really is when he fails to make a crack about Jim being a maitre d' or something. Instead, he simply asks, "Why are you wearing a tuxedo?" Jim, wisely or unwisely, tells the truth about Dwight's memo, completely failing to amuse Charles. But Jim just keeps babbling until Pam all but drags him away. Then they do a joint TH in which Pam is hugely amused, and Jim is hugely not. "Thought it would be funny," he whispers, red-faced. It's not that it isn't; it's just not that funny.
Michael starts by introducing the accounting department with way too much TMI, which is not as redundant as it sounds. Charles cuts off Michael's outline of Oscar's and Angela's respective sexual histories (and Kevin's alleged lack of one) to just say hi to everyone. He makes some references to the tough economy. Stanley raises a hand to ask about layoffs, which Michael tries to deny outright, but Charles says they'll do their best to avoid them. Oscar asks for specifics, which apparently Michael was supposed to tell them about last week, and of course didn't, because it's Michael. Charles tells them about some new measures: no more 401(k) matching, overtime only when approved by Corporate, and a freeze on discretionary spending. Which means no parties. "What about your party?" Dwight whispers to Michael, and gets blown off. Michael thinks Charles is done and tries to give him a little send-off, but apparently Charles is staying for the day. In a lying-head shot from his office, Michael says, "I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled."
After the ads, Michael is already so disillusioned with Charles that he's on the speakerphone with Wallace, trying to make a case for just leaving the regional VP job open. "I think I thrive under a lack of accountability," he claims. Wallace tells Michael to give Charles a chance, and from a spot creepily close to Michael's shoulder, Dwight suddenly appears to remind Michael to ask about the party. Michael asks Wallace if he's coming, and Wallace pretends he'll try. "No, the other thing," Dwight corrects. Michael asks, "If we hire Cirque du Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with the year-end tax stuff?" There's such a long pause that they think Wallace hung up, but finally he sighs, "No." Wow, they could have sold another commercial in that pause right there.
In the conference room where Charles is set up for the day, Michael's trying to "get to know" Charles, but really only getting on his nerves. He does learn that Charles comes to them from the steel industry, which obviously would be a deal-breaker if it were up to Michael. Then he moves on to his main point: how to manage Michael Scott, which is to not manage him at all. "Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny, and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry, so... are we clear?" They are not, so Charles clarifies it. Clearly.
Michael tries to get Wallace on the phone again and gets nowhere, so Dwight tries to demonstrate how to charm someone. Which he does by calling back as "Michael Scotch" and claiming to have Wallace's son in the trunk of his car. Michael hangs up in a panic, then calls back and assures the receptionist that Michael Scotch will return Wallace's son safely. Whew, crisis averted. Michael begs to talk to Wallace some more, and finally the receptionist transfers him to... Charles's cell phone. Michael freezes, while Charles asks the silent line who it is. Finally Michael blurts, "I was never given a name!" and hangs up, Whew, crisis averted again.
Jim is very conscious of Charles staring at him through the conference room window while he works. So is Dwight. However, they have very different reactions to the situation.
Lunch arrives, Charles's treat, which thrills everyone but Michael, after he brought bagels in. "I do this for every branch I go to," Charles says. "If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning." An increasingly desperate Michael retreats to his office to make further futile attempts to get Wallace on the phone.
At lunch, Kelly quietly asks Angela if she should seduce Charles. "No, no one wants to see that," Angela says. Speak for yourself, cat lady.
Kevin approaches Michael to say he screwed up some spreadsheets and will need to fix it over the weekend. Completely forgetting (or ignoring) the new overtime rules, Michael approves it, but Charles overhears and tells Kevin no. Michael tries to overrule Charles, and when Charles doesn't let him, he starts repeating everything Charles says, in front of the whole staff. Pam THs about how she can tell how upset Michael is by how infantile his comedy becomes, and Michael must be really upset, since he skipped the Ace Venture butt-talking thing. Back in the bullpen, everyone starts telling Michael to back off, and eventually he stops it by trying to play it off as a joke and calling a continuation of the "PPC" morning meeting.
Where Pam pitches her idea: smaller and smaller strippers jumping out of smaller and smaller cakes, until the smallest stripper is left holding a cupcake. Meanwhile, out in the bullpen, Charles asks Phyllis what PPC is. Phyllis tells him, "They spend hours planning parties," she adds. Oh, Phyllis. So Charles bursts into the meeting to ask what's going on. Michael defends the use of company time for this, and points out Jim's great party idea as an example. Jim doesn't want to share, but Charles reads over Jim's shoulder and asks him, "What's a two-way petting zoo?" An ashamed Jim explains. It's exactly what you think it is. It goes downhill from there, to the point where Charles excuses everyone else and tells Michael he's dissolving the committee. Michael tries to pull seniority, and when that doesn't work, he charges back out to the bullpen and announces that he's going to New York to talk to Wallace, and when he does, Charles is in big, big trouble. "Do you even know how paper is made?" he demands, getting choked up. Okay, Michael, if you're going to go, then go already. Instead he talks about the difference between making steel and making paper, specifically how if you put paper in a furnace, "you RUIN IT!" And then he storms out, sliding one of the reception couches into the middle of the floor. So you know he's extra-super upset. That's so infantile it isn't even funny.
Jim knocks on the conference room door to tell Charles that he thinks they got off on the wrong foot, but he wants Charles to know that he's actually really smart, a hard worker, and a great number two. Charles isn't aware of such a position, and Jim gives the whole background of how it was a made-up position for Dwight, and then they gave it to Jim. Which is not the way to impress anyone. Neither does it impress Charles when he corrects the title from "Assistant to the Regional Manager" to "Assistant Regional Manager." Charles asks if this "made-up position" is important to Jim, and Jim simply slinks out. How many wrong feet does he have, anyway?
At Corporate, Michael confronts Wallace coming out of the men's room. "So is this the meeting you've been in all day?" he accuses. Cut to Wallace's office, where he's taking Wallace to task for all the sacrifices he's made. Wallace braces himself for another tirade about Holly, but Michael kind of goes off the rails by ranting, "I've put having a family on hold, and I've never gone hang-gliding, and I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington."
Charles takes his leave of the office, and Angela scurries around and says, "It was very nice meeting you, Charles Minor." "Okay," he says as he puts his coat on. Jim calls out three casual farewells to Charles, and is ignored thrice. "And for my trick, I will make my career disappear," he THs.
In the break room, Kelly is already talking about the kids she'll have with Charles and the prime rib he's going to buy her tonight, when Phyllis says he left. Kelly runs out the door, nearly knocking over the cameraman, and rushes out to the rainy parking lot. Nobody's there but Angela, holding Charles's scarf. Kelly chases after her. Cut to a bedraggled Angela THing about how sophisticated Charles is. "He does not need to go dumpster diving for companionship, okay?" You know, I think the thing that'll really build a bridge between Kelly and Angela is to have them both chasing after the same guy. They're going to become so close, I can tell.
Michael is still wound up, having figured out that Wallace basically hired Charles so he wouldn't have to deal with Michael directly any more. Wallace does a pretty poor job of denying it. Michael goes on about how much it sucks that after 15 years with the company, "I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you." Wallace sees Michael's point and gives in, saying Michael can have his party and everything that goes along with it, and Wallace will be there. That kind of takes the wind out of Michael's sails. Maybe he gets how big a deal it is for Wallace to make this exception to the new policy and back Michael in his very first clash with his new boss, and maybe he doesn't. But what he clearly does get is that David Wallace doesn't respect him, never has, and never will. Which is of course true of every other human in the world, but every other human in the world isn't in the room with him right now, giving in to him like a weary parent. So Michael gets up, shakes Wallace's hand, and says, "I quit." Dude.
Unfortunately, he then ruins it by stopping at the door and saying, "You have no idea how high I can fly."
And no, you don't get a tag after that.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then read about the Office staff's Most Roastable (read: humiliating) Moments!
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter (mgiant), or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.